Afterparty: Bachelorette Party VII

Pronouncing “salmon,” zoo cube origins and putting on the Sorting Hat. This is the Afterparty, where we sit down after every episode to break down our game and answer your questions about how to play at home.


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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt

- Multitude:


About Us

Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast. That means four friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.


After each episode we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play Dungeons & Dragons and other roleplaying games at home. We also have the Punchbowl, an interview series with people pushing D&D forward creatively, communally and socially. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at


[theme music]

Amanda: Well, welcome to the Afterparty, where that was my final game of D&D because I’m never gonna roll better.

[Eric laughing]

Eric: Goddamn, Amanda.

Brandon: Yeah, this is our announcement that the podcast is over. I’m sorry, thank you for all your support, but we’ve peaked-

Amanda: It’s been great, it’s been real.

Brandon: Um, send your letters of consolation to Amanda.

Amanda: Yep, we’ll be auctioning off all of our dice.

Michael: I mean the good news is though that we got a holiday out of all of this. It’s Rogue’s Day.

Amanda: It’s Rogue Day!

Brandon: Happy Rogue Day!

Amanda: Heeeey! We’re all rogues, we roll crits on everything.

Brandon: Where you steal from everyone you love and hate.

Amanda: Yup.

Brandon: That’s the slogan.

Amanda: Yup. And pointing a dagger at somebody’s throat gets them to do what you want every time.

Brandon: That’s true most days [laughing]

Eric: I think that’s a truism, yeah.

Amanda: Uh, well that was fun for me.
Eric: I had a great time!

[Amanda laughing]

Michael: I think we all had a great time. I think there’s a lot of questions here. Questions that I have, answers that I don’t have, weird Light-related things. All sorts of stuff happened.

Eric: I gotta say that this is like peak D&D for me. I think that like both my DMing and your character work, all of y’all, were like on point and this is like why people play D&D. I gave you this environment, I introduced this character, I posed some questions, gave you some answers, and yet your choices pushed the story forward. It’s like I always put question marks, and like bolded and italicized stuff in my notes being like, “What happens here? What happens if they crack it? What happens when Salmon comes down the rope ladder? Are they gonna hide? Are they gonna fight? Are they gonna shoot it down? When does the mud torrent come through?” And like you guys answered the questions just from being in the space, and like this is peak DMing and peak D&D for me.

Michael: I love that, but I’m also- what I’m hearing is, “Y’all also just tore apart things I was trying to do and did it very differently than I expected.” Which isn’t bad.

Brandon: We do need to pause because first question: Salmon?

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: Was that seriously premeditated?

Eric: Yeah! That’s, um, our friend fishlolz-

Amanda: Aww!

Eric: That’s their name that they wanted us to use!

Amanda: Amazing.

Eric: What a good name.

Michael: It is a good name.

Amanda: It’s an excellent name.

Eric: And it’s just like I had to use it. And it came up in the lottery, but like when it happened I’m like hell yes let’s do it.

Brandon: Nice.

Michael: When I was little- slash up until about a year ago…

[all laughing]

Amanda: So a big range. Big range.

Michael: A large range.

Eric: A large part of my life.

Brandon: So 73 years…

Amanda: Yup.

Michael: So all of my 87 years that I’ve been born minus one, I’ve always said salmon as “sal-mon” [pronouncing the first syllable like “Sal”]. Like it’s actually a new thing for me to say it correctly-

Amanda: Salmon.

Michael: Because I was- I spoke Spanish, I did ESL. Salmón. And I really couldn’t crack salmon or- oh I’m about to… Al-mond? [pronouncing the first syllable like “Al.”]

Amanda: Almond.

Eric: Almond.

Michael: I can’t crack the- I can’t crack that one.

Amanda: You can’t crack that nut?

Michael: Nope.

[Brandon laughing]

Everyone: Ahhhhh!

Michael: Very good, very good. But, uh, so I hope I didn’t butcher Salmon too much.

Amanda: I think someone’s pronunciation made me pronounce the “l”.

Michael: Me. It was mine.

Amanda: Oh, okay.

Michael: It was mine.

Amanda: Okay, because I don’t normally say that.

Michael: Good name though.

Eric: Yeah, I would also like to say that I think hopefully we’ve been calling P0R0 neutral pronouns, and we wanted to continue that with Salmon having neutral pronouns as well. Hopefully we didn’t- we kept that going, so just like if I slipped up by saying, “he,” just to let you know, non-binary character. Yeah.

Amanda: Yes. P0R0 was gender-neutral and so is Salmon.

Eric: Yeah. Cool hair, though.

Amanda: Salmon. Salmon.

Brandon: Very cool hair. Is it dyed?

Eric: It’s dyed. It’s dyed red hair.

Brandon: Do they go to the salon or they do it themselves do you think?

Eric: They do it themselves.

Michael: I know I rolled good enough on my Insight check to know that- what Salmon was talking about.

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: I just I guess have this problem where I don’t believe this person that they actually want to go in and win this thing and be popular, because that sounds absurd to me.

Eric: Yeah. I mean, this is still ‘The Bachelor’. Like I’m really trying not to stray from those roots, like people still wanna be famous. And for whatever reason like you guys have a larger political purview of what’s going on, but Salmon wants to win for various reasons.

Michael: I don’t get- Salmon-

Amanda: They’re here for the right reasons.

Eric: Yes.

Brandon: We are not.

Amanda: We are not.

Michael: They… but we’re all in the Mud Matrix and I need Salmon to wake up.

Brandon: Chad Matrix.

Michael: Sorry, we’re all in the Chad Matrix, and we all need to wake up.

[all laughing]

Amanda: I don’t know. I-

Michael: There was a very good chance that that room we went into was just a big Chad.

Amanda: The idea that we are just in like the stomach of a larger Chad is a really interesting, like universe model.

Brandon: [giggling] And there’s a small Chad! 

[Michael speaking at the same time as Brandon]

Michael: a smaller Chad inside!

Brandon: Ahd he’s a hoo-man!

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Michael: Yeah, well that’s why he can be in there. Because he’s just-

Eric: I… again, I don’t wanna tell you that any of your, uh theories are incorrect, but-

Amanda: Not all on the back of a turtle?

Eric: But, the Matrix theory is not the theory [laughing].

Michael: The Matrix Chad theory is the only correct theory, and I don’t have anything more to say.

Eric: This isn’t disc world. It’s just Dungeons & Dragons, I’m sorry.

Amanda: Ooze world.

Brandon: Okay, I have an actual question, though.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: If Inara had not picked the lock so adeptly-

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: What would have happened?

Michael: Mmm.

Eric: Oh, do you really want me to tell you?

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Yeah! That’s what the whole Afterparty’s for. It’s- the whole intro is what could have happened…

Eric: Well I guess you’ll never know [trailing off]

Michael: I’m assuming- Eric won’t tell us- I’m assuming that water would have pushed us out of the room and into that chasm and down.

Brandon: Or…

Amanda: Right, or we would have had to combat it and swim and-

Michael: If we couldn’t figure it out-

Amanda: -figure it out. Or push us up through the trapdoor to meet Brinks somewhere along the way. Man, I did not anticipate Brinks coming out of that trapdoor.

Brandon: Not even a little bit.

Amanda: That was such a shocking moment for me. I loved it.

Michael: I’m all-

Brandon: I forgot who I was!

Michael: I’m all about the fact that Brinks has fully admitted that they’re not in control of this, which to me is frustrating.

Brandon: That’s bananas! This is a game changer!

Amanda: I know! Because returning to your point, Fish-

Michael: No, we’re still playing D&D.

Amanda: [laughing] about…

[all laughing]

Michael: Eric has left!

Amanda: Eric is leaving the room! He’s taking out the sound panels. Returning to your point, Fish about not believing that Salmon is here for the right reasons, I believe that Brinks wants a companion. She may have political pressure to participate in this game, and there may be like socio-political consequences that are kind of outside her control, but me Amanda, like I believe that she wants a companion and she’s actually vetting people.

Brandon: But she did say- she had a line about, “I thought y’all just wanted”- she didn’t say “y’all” because she’s not from Texas… [laughing]

Amanda: To the audience, “I thought you wanted to be entertained.”

Brandon: I thought you wanted to be entertained.

Amanda: Right.

Michael: I think she’s talking straight up just to the mud. I think the mud has taken control of this entire city-state. They’re not looking for a representative in the sense of like a leader, they’re looking for a representative and then thus entertainment to keep the populus, you know, stable and working because this is a mud plane-

Amanda: Pacify them, right.

Michael: -and this is all controlled by the colosseum and the mud, and, um, dissenters have gone.

Amanda: My read of that line was like I think that that’s what the mud told Brinks. You know, the producers would say to her, “Oh listen, the people really need some entertainment. We need to really shake it up. We need to really get this going.” And that’s what they were feeding her, but the point being like I think we all need to break out, and it’s exciting to me that we’re all on the same side in this plane. Not to mention that Inara’s wearing her crush’s shoes, which, you know- it’s cute.

Brandon: She’s also being produced, which is interesting.

Amanda: Right.

Brandon: So here’s what’s happening in my head. We have to rescue Alonzo, which we haven’t seen-

Amanda: We have not forgotten.

Brandon: What’s the days since Alonzo now, like five?

Amanda: No, no, yeah.

Michael: [sighs] Lord knows.

Amanda: Well, even more because before we left, he was gone for sometime.

Brandon: Mhm.

Amanda: So it’s been like fifteen days or something.

Brandon: Yeah. And then now we have to rescue Brinks. Brinksy.

Michael: Well, then you’ve got Alice and then the other people-

Brandon: We got Alice, we got the contestants who are here for the right reasons, but aren’t aware of what’s happening.

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: But then all of the contestants who are no longer part of the contest who are presumably in this dungeon as well-

Brandon: In this dungeon, yeah.

Michael: Presumably Kevin Vacation who’s not dead.

Brandon: The one that you killed.

Michael: Not dead.

Brandon: No, you killed- you very much killed him.

Michael: Not dead.

Eric: Kevin Vacation is not dead.

Michael: I absolutely cast Spare the Dying. He is alive and will live to-

Brandon: Whatever you need to tell yourself when you go to sleep.

Michael: -bro out another day. I was actually really concerned about going back up the way that Salmon was trying to get us to go, because I did not want to go through that agro room again.

Amanda: Yeah, that was smart. We kind of had a minute here at the table where when we were about to go, we were thinking alright, well we can’t get back in the cart because we went downhill that whole time, so we don't like propel ourselves upward. We can’t-

Michael: And over a chasm-

Amanda: Right.

Michael: I really wanted to go down the chasm. I wanted to just-

Amanda: Jump down and see, yeah-

Michael: Repel down. We have infinite rope. We can use the apples to help us-

Amanda: Yes, yes.

Eric: I will say that that didn’t really come up for me because Tracey did give a fifteen minute head start, and only fifteen minutes. I think that at some amount of time, the mud came through.

Michael: So, I had assumed that the mud would then follow our path as we came, so coming from that side, not coming from where they did. So that’s why I think it was at least for me shocking that that’s where Brinks was, and then that’s where the mud came from.

Brandon: So to me this means- and Eric, don’t say anything. To me this means that either they didn’t know and now they know, or they’ve always known every secret passage in this mansion.

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: Well-

Brandon: And we’ve been screwed and lied to at every corner.

Michael: Which is fair and fine but I’m also… it’s weird to me that this entire structure of underground thing has no mud in it, and it’s very specifically no mud and it’s instead this other material.

Amanda: Well, in the vial there was rock and mud, so it seems like they do go hand-in-hand.

Michael: Some kind of interplay, yeah.

Brandon: Alright, I have another question.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: Eric. [pause] A Zoo Cube?

[Eric chuckling]

Eric: Oh…

Amanda: Tell us about this horrible monster who we may or may not have avoided fighting.

Eric: Okay, the Zoo Cube. I got my original inspiration from a YouTube channel called Drawfee. And they did a- like a-

Brandon: Whatup?! Come on our show!

Eric: Yeah whatup Caldwell Tanner where you at? Uh…

Brandon: Nathan! Juli- I want Julia. 

Eric: Yeah, I want Julia.

Brandon: She’s the fucking best.

Eric: She’s best. And basically they just like draw silly things, and they do it like as a stream, and then they upload it as a YouTube video. And they did this one that was “rejected Dungeons & Dragons monsters.” And it was with Molly Ostertag, also another amazing artist, and one of them made this monster called the Zoo Cube, and it was super silly-

Amanda: Nope.

Eric: There was like a temporal, like, portal inside of a slime cube.

Amanda: Nope.

Eric: And like one had a bear and one had Donkey Kong.

Amanda: Nope.

Eric: And one had a massive cat.

Amanda: Don’t like it.

Brandon: There was an elephant butt, I think.

Eric: There was an elephant butt, yeah. Elephant feet. And I was so inspired by it, I’m like that is such an interesting idea to deal with multiple monsters at the same time.

Amanda: You were like, “Great the one thing Amanda hates is when a bunch of creatures are mashed together in horrifying, body-morphing ways.”

Brandon: And long arms too, right? 

Michael: Oh, you shouldn’t watch any anime then.

Amanda: Super long limbs, yeah. Longer than they should be.

Michael: Yeah, don’t watch any anime ever.

Amanda: And you’re like I know what should happen in this D&D campaign.

Eric: I don’t wanna say anything more about it, because you guys might end up fighting it at this point, so I don’t wanna give anything away, but you did hear a bunch of different howls, growls, and roars.

Brandon: Now, on the inside of the cube at the center, are all their butts touching?

[all laughing]

Michael: Well not all of the butts are facing that way. There’s some butts that are facing out.

Eric: Well I think it’s like-

Brandon: No there’s not!

Amanda: They’re all torsos.

Eric: They’re all suspended in the slime and like they move around depending on who’s on top and what’s facing out.

Amanda:  So like a…

Eric: The one on the bottom is the one with the feet, so like they switch around to put their feet on the bottom.

Amanda: So like, uh, two people in like a horse suit?

Eric: Yeah.

[Brandon laughing]

[all talking at once]

Michael: But it’s a cube.

Amanda: At all times.

Eric: But there’s six of them.

Amanda: Right.

Michael: It’s a cube.

Amanda: Right.

Brandon: And they’re going to try to kill us.

Amanda: There’s a little break room in the middle, a little water cooler. Ooh, this is horrifying.

Brandon: Oh no. Oh no. Is there a fan in the middle of this cube with like an ice pack to keep it cool?

Eric: Yes. Yes.

Michael: Just one and it’s already melted.

Eric: Yeah, and it’s all slime, though. Like they didn’t really go into-

Amanda: That’s not better, Eric.

Eric: It’s like there were like environments on the one from Drawfee so like, what I like to think the monsters are like- or whatever is in the cube are like suspended in ooze and slime. I think it’s pretty cool, and I’m excited for what happens next week.

Brandon: So everyone tweet at Drawfee and get them on our show, thank you please.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: We wanna interview them on Punchbowl.

Brandon: Yes.

Amanda: This, though is a very good reminder that we are done with this show. Our characters are completely done.

Brandon: Shit has broken bad.

Amanda: Tracey was done, Johnny has been done, I think Inara was kind of holding on because having one-on-one time with Brinksy would have been fun.

Brandon: Pancakes.

Amanda: And Inara loves winning.

Brandon: Cute girls.

Amanda: Cute girls. Like there’s drinks, there’s punch, there’s fruit. What’s not to love? Private bathroom. But now I’m done as well, because someone stole our stuff, it’s clear that the mud is really malicious Taracey is really upset, and however morally Inara and Tracey disagree, like that doesn’t square.

Brandon: Yup. It’s also super interesting- so we all have doppelgängers in this moment. Tracey’s has been ousted as a fraud, so what does that mean for Autumn and what does that mean for Alice?

Amanda: Well…

Brandon: Is Alice a true Southerner? No.

[Eric laughing]

That's the- that’s the-

Michael: And Southern Baptist- Southern Baptist Johnny clearly also not a Southerner.

Amanda: Well, Autumn seems to be a- an authentic assassin, so I am curious to see if she and I are gonna meet up topside somewhere. I thought it was Autumn. I think Fish and I both thought it was Autumn coming through the hatch-

Michael: Yeah, we were sure of it.

Amanda: The trapdoor.

Brandon: Now, what’s the line- the fine line between assassin and just straight-up murderer?

Michael: I think that’s Autumn. Autumn is the line, and it’s actually a murderer.

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: The answer is murderer.

Brandon: I think she’s just a murderer.

Amanda: It’a a code of honor, and we have no reason to think that she is particularly moral.

Michael: She murdered what’s-his-name! The one who had all the funny, uh, uh…

Amanda: Yeah, in the arena.

Brandon: Yeah.

Michael: In the arena, she murdered the guy with the-

Eric: Crews.

Michael: Crews, with all the really bad-

Brandon: Catchphrases.

Michael: Catchphrases. 

Amanda: Right, and she didn’t need to, and she hid it from the cameras, and Inara may have been attracted at first-

Michael: You were aware-

Amanda: -and then entranced, but I am very aware, and you know, there's always this tension of wanting to advance and this goal I’ve had for myself, you know, of joining the Guild. But right now all I know to be true is that my team is doing the right thing, and we are here to save Alonzo, and none of the people we’ve met so far are aligned with that mission, so we are like getting the hell out.

Michael: Well, here’s the thing, I’m- Johnny’s actually very good friends with the Guildmaster-

[all laughing]

So he’ll talk to him about it, because it is- it is, you know breach of protocol. You’re an assassin, you’re supposed to-

Amanda: It’s the bylaws.

Michael: You- it’s a break-

Brandon: Gonna send him a quick, casual text-

Michael: Yeah.

Brandon: “Yo, you free? Let’s chat.”

Michael: You up?

Amanda: You up?

Michael: You up?

Brandon: Well, that’s just…

Michael: Eh- it, well-

Brandon: Numerous implications.

Michael: I mean you know it’s breaking the bylaws. You’re supposed to assassinate your target, or like deal with your target, not just like Free Willy-

Amanda: Kill for fun.

Michael: Yeah.

Brandon: Did Free Willy kill for fun?!

[Amanda laughing]

Michael: Honestly, though, yes.

Amanda: He’s a killer whale.

Michael: And then-

Eric: I guess I’d like to posit though that you don’t know who Autumn’s target was, and Autumn has-

Michael: If it was Crews, that’s an awful target.

Eric: Well Autumn just said that she was sent there to just like take out everybody.

Amanda: So, Eric, where did the idea for the Holy Water pitcher come from? Is this a- adapting something known, or this kind of came to you?

Eric: I was thinking a lot how Salmon came to become P0R0, and like there had to be a way to navigate around the mud, because like they have a leg up even if they don’t know exactly what was going on. And I thought about Super Mario Sunshine. You guys ever play that for the GameCube?

Michael: Mhm.

Eric: And uh the way that you use the flood, which is like this like water backpack water gun to like just clean up all the goo, and I thought that was gonna be something similar. It doesn’t like destroy the goo necessarily, but it cleans it up. It’s all about just like cleaning, and um splitting, and just kind of moving aside.

Michael: Does that mean they lied to me about what cleaning solution they use? They just were using the water?

Amanda: I was gonna make a quip about it, but I couldn’t think of it in time.

Eric: No they also ma- they also use Lysol, but to clean the mud off… I guess like I was also trying to point out, like- what is this mud? I mean you guys keep thinking it’s the Matrix, but it’s like I want to put some real bounds on this. Like what can it form into? What can it stick to? Like it can’t stick to things if you clean it off with Holy Water, with like special water, just like you cleaned it off of the boots. 

I mean, that was another thing that I wanted to point out about the Brinks’ boots is that they were always muddy, and like you thought that they were controlling the mud in this one way, but really the mud happens in this different way. It’s like I don’t want you to think that the mud is a Matrix. Like I’ve thought about the materials and the properties of this mud and how do you control it.

Michael: So you’re saying it’s more powerful than the Matrix?

[Eric chuckles]

Amanda: That it’s not all-encompassing. It has known limits, and-

Brandon: Well-

Michael: Well so does the Matrix.

Brandon: There’s a reason it’s- this city is underground, and seemingly has bounds.

Amanda: Yes.

Brandon: Right? And it’s because those bounds are what- are where the mud stops being effective.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: But I was really proud of our team in that moment, because I really thought that in putting on the boots I would be able to control the mud, I think all of us probably did, and when that didn’t happen- like I put the boots on, I looked at Eric, and he was like, “you’re wearing boots.” [laughing]

Brandon: [laughing] You’ve got some good-lookin’ boots!

Michael: I thought that like the mud was corrupting whatever power the boots had, and that once cleansing- because that mud was specifically he had said before, was like very old like caked on-

Amanda: Caked on, right-

Michael: Like it had been there forever and like- like the mud that we clean off of ourselves, our characters clean off of ourselves, because it’s so new new and fresh we can- we can have that clean, but-

Amanda: Right, but-

Michael: But the mud of those boots had been so engrained. I thought it was something to do with the mud had almost corrupted the boots, or the boots and the mud together had been corrupted, hence all the bad stuff with the mud-

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: But instead, we have this weird vial-

Amanda: Right.

Michael: That Amanda decided to throw.

Amanda: I did. I didn’t like pause to ask what, uh-

Michael: Nope, there was no table talk there.

Amanda: -what Brandon and Fish thought I should do-

Brandon: I just wanna say as the third party to the situation, it was a beautiful moment of Amanda tossing up a alleyoop for Fish to them seemingly dunk into a hoop-

Michael: Although-

Brandon: And it was a beautiful-

Amanda: Thank you.

Brandon: Amalgamation of your two souls.

Amanda: Thank you.

Michael: Thanks.

Brandon: Into one dunk.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: Thank you. I would have asked you to go smash, Tracey, but I thought that some magic might be needed in this case.

Brandon: I think that was the right decision.

Amanda: So I’ll choose you next time, bud.

Brandon: Tracey smash.

Eric: I don’t wanna say more about the vial, I’m sure that it’ll come up, but uh this definitely changed what happened in the game.

Brandon: Two things. One thing- I’m glad that Lysol is the only brand to transcend fantasy and reality.

Michael: Fabuloso. I brought up Fabuloso.

Brandon: Fabuloso. Two brands. And they’re all cleaning products.

Amanda: Yup.

Brandon: Two-

Amanda: Can you have one without the other?

Brandon: No.

Amanda: No.

Brandon: Two- I am Salmon.

[Amanda laughing]

Brandon: I need things to be meticulously cleaned. I have allergies and I’m allergic to dust and must clean all the dust away-

Amanda: Me too. When Eric said that, I looked at him like, “Wow buddy,” just @ me next time.

[Brandon laughing]

Michael: This is like worse than subtweeting, it’s like sub-podcasting.

[all laughing]

Amanda: But yeah, we- Brandon and I share the love of keeping things meticulously neat. Like if I had a garage, I would have a pegboard on the wall with all the tools traced with their outlines. Oh god it’s so calming.

Brandon: So good.

Amanda: Beautiful.

Brandon: So good.

Eric: I put on my Amanda hat when I thought about Salmon’s workshop.

Amanda: Listen, Brandon’s kitchen is much more organized than mine.

Eric: It’s true.

[Brandon laughing]

Amanda: Question from Squared: How old are Alonzo, Greg, and Max?

Eric: Okay, this is a very important question. Alonzo is like 19. Tops. He is a teen boy, imagine you or what you’re going to be at 19. He like- he hasn’t made great decisions so far. He’s a little bebe. He’s like a college sophomore in like a classical Hamlet sort of way. How like they go off to college and come back and have to deal with a big thing. A lot like that. Not like Jude Law or Mel Gibson or Kenneth Branagh pretending to be teens, like actual like 18,19 roles.

Greg is only a little bit older, so like 21, 22. Um, in my head Maximilian was his older brother. So he was trying to like secure everything for him so he didn't have to worry. So like probably around our age, maybe 25, 26. But it was like the other- it’s like king of the same thing with Greg, which I thought was interesting. It’s like the younger one is like the golden child who's like being groomed to do stuff, so I think it’s kind of interesting subverting ideas of like royalty and lineage. But yeah, Max is the oldest, and Alonzo is a little bebe.

Amanda: Question from Kyra on Twitter: Can you sort your characters into Hogwarts houses, please?

Brandon: Ooh, this is a good question.

Eric: Is Slytherin good, or is Slytherin just some bullshit?

Amanda: I think we’re gonna believe in the ideal of Slytherin and talk about it as a full house.

Eric: Okay.

Michael: So, Gryffindor’s like the most boring, right?

Amanda: I think Tracey must be Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.

Brandon: I’m thinking Hufflepuff- no… uh… Ravenclaw?

Eric: I think Tracey might be Gryffindor because he runs in.

Amanda: Right.

Eric: And he also saves people.

Brandon: Oh, and he’s stupid and bad at things because he runs in without thinking beforehand?

Eric: Exactly.

Amanda: And trusts loyalty above all else.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: And like commitment to his ideals.

Michael: Johnny didn’t go to Hogwarts, but he teaches there. He went somewhere else.

[Eric bursts out laughing]

Michael: And he’s a teacher currently.

Eric: He does like herbology or some shit.

Michael: He teaches-

Amanda: Beauxbatons dropout…

Michael: Yeah, he’s like- he’s definitely like from one of the other schools- maybe not even in Europe, but definitely one of the other schools.

Amanda: He went to Invermore or whatever it’s called.

Eric: I don’t know.

Michael: Who knows. From another school and is currently teaching.

Eric: What does Johnny teach?

Michael: You know, it’s illusions-

Amanda: Johnny like has the Hooch-

Michael: It’s illusions-

Amanda: And like all the other teachers know they can come to you for homeroom.

Michael: Oh yeah, Johnny’s the party teacher. Like you go to Johnny like to have fun, and it’s illusions.

Brandon: Johnny B. Goodtimes… is what your bar is called.

Michael: Yeah.

Amanda: He sits backwards on a chair to teach his students about life.

Brandon: Oh my god.

Michael: Oh yeah. I asked them to rip up their textbooks that they paid so much money for.

[all laughing]

On the first day.

Amanda: At Flourish and Blotts.

Brandon: And then you mend them with a-

Eric: You rip them apart, and then they come back together.

Michael: Well, no, so that’s the first lesson, because it is a-

Amanda: Yes, yes yes.

Eric: Repair your book- make it look like you didn’t just fuck up your book. You don’t actually repair it, you just make it look like it’s fine.

Michael: Yes, yes, yes.

Brandon: I hate this class. Can I drop out?

Eric: What class is Inara?

Amanda: Oh, I don’t know. I think there’s a case to be made for Gryffindor. There’s a case to me made for Slytherin. There’s a case to be made for Hufflepuff, because she’s loyal, and…

Michael: Autumn is definitely Slytherin.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Wait, is Hufflepuff known for loyalty? I thought it was just weed.

Eric: No, Hufflepuff are like good friends.

Michael: Did you say just for weed?

Brandon: [laughing] Yeah.

[all laughing]

Amanda: What?!

Eric: Yeah because-

Brandon: Hufflepuffs are just stoners!

Eric: Because they’re next ot the kitchen.

Brandon: They’re stoners and they eat food.

Amanda: Okay, okay, alright. Uh, yeah I don’t know. I don’t think Inara's moral compass is strong enough for Gryffindor.

Eric: Right.

Brandon: I think Inara’s a Slytherin, but a Slytherin because she’s aware that she’s a Slytherin, and like intentionally is a Slytherin, but also is like not a Slytherin, you know what I mean?

Michael: Like you- like Inara was asking the hat not to go Slytherin, the hat’s like, “Literally there’s no other place for you.”

[Amanda laughing]

Like you gotta go here-

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Brandon: But she plays the game.

Michael: Like just hang out with- yeah, hang out with other people.

Amanda: I think she’s not completely- she’s not like only self-motivated, but she is willing to like do whatever to get what she wants done done.

Brandon: Sure.

Amanda: Which I think tips her over into Slytherin.

Eric: That’s like what rogues- I guess rogues are supposed to be like.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Cunning and-

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: And less good, more chaotic.

Michael: Greg and Alonzo?

Eric: Wait, hit me with some NPCs, I’m gonna do rapidfire.

Amanda: Greg and Alonzo.

Eric: Okay. Greg is obviously Ravenclaw and Alonzo is obviously Gryffindor.

Brandon: Chad.

Eric: Chad is Hufflepuff, ride or die.

Michael: Kevin Vacation.

Eric: Party school. He went to Arizona State.

[all laughing]

Amanda: The Speaker.

Eric: Oh man, the Speaker is definitely a- she is a professor, but she is of Ravenclaw house, so she favors-

Michael: Oh yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: She favors Ravenclaw.

Amanda: Brinksy?

Eric: Oh, Brinks. I think Brinks is also- is Hufflepuff.

Amanda: She’d be the hottest Hufflepuff.

Eric: But like a Cho Chang Hufflepuff, yeah.

Michael: How about Evan?

Eric: Oh, Ev-

Michael: He’s very smart.

Eric: I think Ev is Gryffindor.

Michael: Sure.

Amanda: Yeah. He’s like the Neville Longbottom like undercover Gryffindor.

Eric: Yeah, like the Gryffindor- like if he was in Ravenclaw, they would all like shit on him for his vocal thing.

Michael: Yeah.

Eric: For his, um- you know it’s that thing where you can’t remember words?

Michael: Oh god.

Brandon: Valentine. Valentine.

Eric: Valentine, uh, works with Hagrid.

[all chuckling]

Amanda: Aww!

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: Or is Hagrid.

Amanda: Cap’n Alex?

Eric: Oh man. Captain Alex…

Amanda: Probably Gryffindor, right?

Eric: Gryffindor as well.

Brandon: ComWay? [laughs]

Eric: ComWay… [starts laughing]

Amanda: [giggling] Is a house elf.

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: Kohl?

Eric: Oooh, that’s a good one. Kohl is Slytherin.

Amanda: Yeah, for sure.

Eric: Shoutout to Julia, who thinks Slytherin’s okay.

Michael: House Alonzo’s dad.

Eric: Alonzo’s dad is a legacy Gryffindor.

Michael: Sure, of course. House Gregina? Slytherin.

Eric: Eh, no that’s not-

Brandon: No, she was kicked out.

Eric: She was kicked out, so she might have been like Ravenclaw and got kicked out.

Michael: Sure.

Amanda: Mmm.

Brandon: We have a lot of NPCs.

Eric: Yeah, dog.

Michael: Oh, um I forgot about those triplets! Those cousins! Huey, Louie, and-

Eric: Huey, Dewey, and Louie!

Michael: My friends! My pals!

Eric: My good time friends. I think that they’re all-

Amanda: What about James?

Michael: I don’t actually care where they go.

Amanda: James is probably a Hufflepuff. He’s definitely a supplier.

[all talking at once]

Eric: James is a Hufflepuff. Yeah yeah.

Brandon: He is- He is-

Amanda: He like had his own supply, and he did not pass his O.W.L.s

Brandon: James is the Hufflepuff that’s been in Hufflepuff for thirteen years.

Amanda: Oh yeah, yeah.

[all laughing]

He’s like the senior with the beard.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah. A question from our dear friend, audio sorcerer Mischa: if each of you had your characters’ magic items. So the Long Arm of the Law, the lantern, the cowl, and the medallion, what would you do with them? So I think each of us have our respective characters’ items. I would just blink into the kitchen for a glass of water and then back into my bed without having to leave it.

Brandon: That’s funny because I would use my Long Arm of the Law to get beer out of the fridge. [laughing]

Amanda: There you go. Perfect.

Michael: That’s funny because I would go and do the same with the Undying Light and risk everything-

[Eric bursts out laughing]

And the Shadow consuming me by asking the Undying Light to do stuff for me.

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: No-

Eric: Same thing for the medallion.

[all laughing]

Michael: We’re all just doing the-

Amanda: Stop time.

Eric: Just stop time to go over so I don’t miss my show-

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, love it.

Eric: And then I can get a water, and go back to my bed.

Amanda: Love it.

Eric: And then a star goes out? That’s fine.

Michael: Eh. No consequence.

Eric: Totally not anything.

Amanda: There’s a lot of them.

Michael: I like- there’s no consequences for Tracey’s item, there’s some consequences for your item, Amanda, but-

Eric: Yeah, Amanda turns into a ghost halfway through and she’s like, “Oh no!”

Michael: You’re not really thinking it through. Mine, tons of consequences. Yours for sure, Eric.

Eric: Alright let me- wait I wanna do you guys.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: If I was Brandon with the Long Arm- actually no, the joke would have been still using your Long Arm of the Law to get beer while you’re editing. Absolutely. That’s still-

Brandon: Or snacks. Pizza.

Eric: Anything just so you can keep editing. Amanda, you would turn into a  ghost so that you can look into other people’s apartment.s Not so you could see them, but just see the other apartments and be like- it’s like wow those people area loud, I wonder why? Oh it’s because they have twelve dogs.

Amanda: Yeah or like pop into a bar to see if there is seating before I decide to go there or not.

[Eric laughing]

Michael: That’s on brand! That’s on brand.

Eric: That’s it. That’s it. For Fish, I think you would spend so much time trying to inspire people with the Undying Light, you would just be like, “Aw yeah this is the Shadow. This is my thing now. I’m part Shadow.”

Michael: That or I’m just seeking advice all the time like- because I second guess myself a lot, so might as well listen to like a deity of like half of all existence plane, just say, “Oh yeah, no you should do this.”

Amanda: Can’t be wrong!

Eric: It’s like “Undying Light, should I get pizza from Domino’s?”

Amanda: Or pie?

Eric: And then Mischa comes on to be like, “Domino’s makes your tum hurt.”

[Michael laughing]

Michael: And it’s just Mischa all the time.

Eric: It’s just always Mischa.

Michael: Basically, I just have Mischa hang out with me telling me what to do.

Eric: It’s like, “No last time it hurt your tum.”

Amanda: And then David Rheinstrom being like, “But it’s delicious.”

[all giggling]

Eric: Is David Rheinstrom the Shadow now?

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: I could turn the lights off in my room while I’m in bed.

Amanda: Yes.

[Eric cracking up]

Amanda: You could.

Michael: I mean, that’s just good.

Eric: You could pet Phyllo while you’re in bed.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: I could pet all dogs from a distance.

Amanda: Yes. That’s actually so sweet for me.

Brandon: I know- well I don’t wanna get all their fur on me, so I feel like-

Amanda: I don’t wanna sneeze!

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Well, it’s been a heck of an episode, and thank you so much for joining us for this and every Afterparty. Please let us know if you have questions, predictions, thoughts on wearing your crush’s shoes. We are @JoinThePartyPod on Twitter, on Facebook, on Tumblr, on Instagram where we share photos every single week, whenever there’s a new episode and sometime in between as well.

Brandon: Don’t share socks. That’s gross.

Amanda: Yeah, don’t share socks. That’s gross.

Michael: [singing] Stinky feet! [no longer singing] Undying Light be with you.

Amanda: Not quite, because we have a live show coming up!

Michael: Oh, shit! Nevermind!

[Amanda laughing]

Amanda: This is not gonna happen when we do this live. At our live show on June 9th, 2018.

Eric: 69, nice.

Amanda: 69, nice. In New York City.

Brandon: No one noticed y’all!

Amanda: No one’s noticed yet. Maybe they’ll have noticed by the time they listen to this Afterparty. But if you go to, you will be able to buy tickets! They are cheap. Come and see us in New York City. We are going to do our darndest to stream it as well, but if you are able to come and join us in person, we’re gonna have a lot of surprises, some guests, some stuff, some good good things to drink and eat, and it is going to be a heck of a time. 

But no matter where in the world you are, you can keep the party going outside of the episodes by joining our Patreon community. It’s at You get NPC backstories, you get bloopers, you get Discord access, you get physical stuff in the mail every three months from us! With our handwriting on it! It’s amazing. And they really are the best people on the internet. They are never taken up in a torrent of mud or Holy Water-

Brandon: As far as we know.

Amanda: They never open up their exoskeletons to reveal a gnome inside, that we know.

Eric: Also true. Also true.

Brandon: I do that though.

Michael: They never make their friend feel bad for saying “Undying Light be with you” at the wrong type of thing… [trailing off sadly]

Amanda: They- they probably don’t. If you want to be like our patrons and not like me, please join us, say hello to us in the Discord. And with that, Fish, how do we end every episode?

Michael: Crying. Sadly. Undying Light be with you!

Brandon: Bye!

Michael: But not the Shadow.

Brandon: Bye- oh, I screwed that up. Bye y’all!

Eric: See ya later!

Amanda: Ugh, we’re all off our game.

[Michael sighs]

Brandon: Just restart. Can we start from the top?

[theme music]