Afterparty: Bachelorette Party VIII

Special guest Mike Schubert of Potterless is making predictions, building a Harry Potter RPG and sorting characters into houses. This is the Afterparty, where we sit down after every episode to break down our game and answer your questions about how to play at home.


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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt

- Multitude:


[theme music]

Amanda: We are very lucky to be joined in today’s Afterparty-

Guest voice: [laughing] Lucky?

[all laughing]

Amanda: Well, the fuckin’ ball’s dropped I guess. Mike Schubert, ‘Potterless’ podcast, I guess hello.

Mike: Hello! I just think that’s a silly thing like, “Yeah we’re lucky to have this guy who like isn’t involved in the Dungeons and Dragons world in our Dungeons and Dragons podcast.” But no-

Amanda: I’m sorry you’re just like in our audio collective with us, so whatever…

Michael: Hey, welcome to the party. 

Mike: I’m happy to be here.

Eric: We’re all gonna go around and give Mike a passive aggressive hello.

[Mike laughing]

Hi Mike…

Michael: I can’t believe you chose that face today.

Mike: Oh no.

Eric: Why would you roll those dice?

Amanda: Is that what you’re wearing?

Mike: Oh no! [laughing]

Amanda: Sorry, that was too sick.

Michael: Brandon, you got something-

Brandon: Oh no, I’m just happy you’re here. 

[all laughing]

Mike: Me too!

Eric: The worst burn of all…

Brandon: I think you’re a wonderful human and I appreciate you coming on our show.

Mike: Yeah, I’m happy to be here at the Afterparty.

Michael: Yeah!

Eric: So Mike Schubert…

Mike: Mhm.

Eric: You’re known for making extremely bad predictions.

Mike: Oh, the worst.

Eric: In ‘Harry Potter.’

Mike: Yes.

Eric: You still think that Ludo Bagman is the Big Bad in the entire series.

Mike: Just in the fourth book. I- I fell for it.

Eric: Exactly.

Mike: I fell for it. I thought so… I was so sure that he was the bad guy in ‘Goblet of Fire,’ but fun fact: not.

Michael: I genuinely don’t… who is that? [laughing]

Mike: Exactly. Exactly. They cut him from the movie. He was that unimportant.

Eric: So, Mike, you’re- where are you in ‘Join The Party’ so far?

Mike: Uh, I’m at Pool Party II? They just fought- you guys just fought off a giant, where Johnny was separate from the rest of the crew-

Brandon: Classic Johnny!

Eric: Classic Johnny.

Mike: And you didn’t really like fight the giant, you just kind of like ran away because you realized you weren’t going to, so I think that’s the last episode.

Brandon: That’s classic eyeroll me.

Michael: Johnny’s doing some good boat skills.

Mike: Yes.

Michael: Good boat skills.

Mike: Good boat things.

Amanda: Disengage and flee.

Mike: Mhm.

Michael: I’m too old for this!

[Amanda and Mike chuckling]

Eric: I’m gonna give you some people who you might know-

Mike: Okay.

Eric: From the party so far, and I want you to just give some predictions about what you think is gonna happen to them.

Mike: Okay.

Eric: Just like in the short term future, and then we can make some big predictions about how you think this entire story’s gonna go.

Mike: Okay.

Eric: Alright, so let’s start with our good friend Johnny B. What do you think is gonna happen to Johnny for- in the rest of the show?

Mike: Let’s see. I think he is going to become more- I don't wanna say like more sappy, but like less guarded and more like… like he already kind of has that with Tracey, and I think that by the end of it moreso towards Inara and Alonzo, and I guess anyone else who joins the team. I know he’s trying to seed the relationship with Oatcake which isn’t working so far...

[all laughing] 

But I would say by the end, he becomes less like, you know, full of himself, and more family-oriented, like embracing the true dadness of his dad mode in terms of like, “These are my ‘kids,’” in quotation marks - “and I’m takin’ care of them,” so I just think more wholesome.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: That’s very funny because I had a hundred bucks that you’d become a curmudgeon and tell me to get off your lawn.

[Eric laughing]

Michael: This is warming my heart.

Amanda: Aw.

Eric: Um, what about Inara? You know, Inara, little teen assassin.

Mike: Yeah.

Eric: How do you think her assassin-ness is gonna go?

Mike: I think it’s gonna go really well. I still don’t know what those like space marbles are, but I think those will do something super cool. But I think Inara’s been doing a good job of like being excited about the new things that she learns, and trying earnestly to use the new abilities to her, like- I don’t want to say to the best of her ability, but I can’t think of anything else [laughing] but like using like the shadow that she has and going from shadow to shadow and trying to use that right away, like she got that ability and the next time was like, “i wanna try this thing!” So, I think the fact that Inara is always trying to better herself in that regard, I think is gonna happen. And she’s totally gonna date Captain Alex. That’s gonna happen and I’m super stoked about it. Or at least that’s my prediction.

Amanda: You heard it here first, listeners.

[Mike laughing]

Michael: There are a lot of approving nods…

Amanda: Happening around the table, yeah.

[all laughing]

Eric: Um, what about Tracey? What about our little robot friend?

Mike: Oh my gosh, Tracey’s so good. I just want the world for Tracey. I was telling Brandon this, but it was- it’s when Alonzo’s giving that first speech, and somebody calls Tracey… what do they- they call her Tracer instead, and then there's like a couple second pause, and then you just hear [in muffled robot voice] “It’s Tracey!”

[all laughing]

I died laughing when I was listening to it. I think Tracey will get more of a hold on the Rage button situation so that it is less like let me, you know, destroy Greg’s leg and make everyone be like “Oh shit.” and more of, you know, using it when you need to have high energy and do whatever needs to go down. And less of- less of like an uncontrollable rage and more of like a kick it into overdrive, like you’re playing ‘Guitar Hero’ and you tilt the guitar up.

Michael: Ooh, solid reference!

Eric: That’s a good reference.

Mike: It’ll turn into that and less of like a- just a fuck shit up button.

Brandon: Hey, Eric, instead of a switch can I just have that on my back now?

[all laughing]

Eric: No. What about Tracey’s background? Do you think that there are any other warforged in the world?

Mike: I think so. There’s gotta be. I mean, I don’t know if this is just me not knowing a whole lot about Dungeons and Dragons, but I don’t really know what a warforged means, uh-

Eric: It’s basically just like the fantasy equivalent of a robot… it’s like very much like a combination between mechanics and magic.

Mike: Okay.

Michael: Definitely more of a steampunk-y look though.

Mike: Yeah.

Michael: It’s wood and metal.

Brandon: Imagine what- you imagine an elf.

Mike: Mhm.

Brandon: But just like sort of more robot-y.

Mike: Yeah.

Brandon: Like they’re things. They’re beings. 

Mike: Is it like a lobster situation where they don’t die unless they’re actively killed?

Brandon: Yes.

Mike: Okay. Yeah. So they just keep going and going-

Michael: Is that why if you eat a lot of lobsters, you live longer?

Mike: Yes, 1000%.

Michael: And that’s why it’s so expensive.

Mike: And that’s why- exactly. Otherwise everyone would do it.

Michael: And that’s why people from Maine live for so long.

Mike: Mhm. Yes.

Amanda: What do you think Alonzo and Greg will do for their first anniversary?

Mike: Oh god, um, I- I’m on team race where just fuck Greg. That guy sucks. I don’t like Greg at all. Like when it was like, “Oh no we felt bad we chopped off Greg’s leg.” I was like no chop off all parts of Greg. Um…

Michael: Oof…

Mike: No but I’m not- I’m sure Greg is fine. I don’t like him.

[all laughing]

Mike: But I think- you guys touched on it in an Afterparty like the fact that Eric has created a character that you guys don’t necessarily like that much is good. Yeha as far as- for their first anniversary, oh man, I could see them trying- like I could see them trying to just kind of like run back, like what was supposed to be like the first week of their marriage without all this shit hitting the fan.

Amanda: Aww!

Mike: Like let’s just like try running this back again. But yeah, I’m sure Greg will- will chill down and Alonzo will become less like- I don’t know what the word is. Aloof, maybe? But I’m sure that after a year they’ll be able to- a little more settled, and they can have like a normal… like I can see them just having a normal person vacation for once. Like, “Let’s just do something- like let’s just go to Hawaii.”

Amanda: Let’s go on a cruise.

Mike: Yeah “Let’s go to Disney World.” Like let’s do some basic things happen because we’ve had so much “entertainment”- in quotation marks- of late.

Michael: I appreciate that you have a very similar reaction to - I think most of us in the room did, especially then- I still have my issues with Greg. I’m fairly certain Brandon has- Tracey like likes him a little more, whatever-

Brandon: Greg?! Oh no.

Michael: Oh not at all- there you go-

[all laughing]

Michael: So it’s also very telling where you are in the story, because the audience loves Alonzo and Greg-

Mike: Mhm.

Michael: And I’m excited to hear how- and I want you to let us know- if and when your opinion on Greg changes.

Mike: Okay.

Amanda: Yeah.

Michael: Because as goes Mike Schubert goes the country? I don’t know. This was a weird-

Brandon: Yeah, no that famous saying.

[all laughing]

Michael: Yeah, the famous saying.

Amanda: As Schubes goes, so go we all.

Mike: Yeah.

Michael: How do you feel about Alonzo... in general how do you feel?

Mike: I think in general, I like him. I feel like some problems could be avoided if- if like things were explained more, or I feel like a lot of things-

Brandon: If we did our jobs better, you mean?

[all laughing]

Mike: Well- not you guys! I feel like Alonzo’s at fault a lot. So I think it’s one of those- this can- it’s like… it’s almost like you’re watching ‘Seinfeld’ sometimes where you're like, “Ugh this all could have been avoided if like they just did this one thing!” But then that’s what makes it fun is that all these things happen. So I like Alonzo. He’s definitely very lovable. I think that he makes some silly choices from time to time, but yeah, he’s a good dude. He’s doing his best.

Amanda: I think that’s a really good point. I personally relate a lot ot that kind of trait of Alonzo’s which is to sort of clam up and run away and try to take care of problems on your own instead of like being messy in front of someone else or asking someone else for help or just being unresolved or needy, you know. So it is frustrating as a player, because we are the people there explicitly to help him, and especially at the kind of point in the story where you are, he’s done nothing except for try to resist our help and make our lives more complicated because of just the way he deals with problems, but-

Michael: And I’m sure he’ll stop doing that any second now.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: I’m sure it's a thing he’ll grow out of.

Michael: I’m sure of it.

Brandon: The next episodes, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah yeah.

Michael: Yeah, the next few episodes he certainly… totally changes.

Eric: Everyone is just really kind to Alonzo-

Michael: And we always remember him!

Eric: You always remember where he is. Okay, I have one final big prediction. What do you think’s going on with the stars, bud?

Mike: Oh, right the stars where they keep blinking out right? So, I wanna make sure i’m correct, but so far the- is there a number of stars that are up there, or we just know that two of them- at least where I’m at- have blinked out?

Eric: There were five.

Mike: Okay.

Eric: And I guess where you are, two have been gone.

Mike: Yeah, and both have blinked out after Alonzo has used the necklace to do something.

Eric: Yes, the medallion.

Mike: Yeah, so I mean- the obvious correlation is that it’s like two star-two necklace thing, so it’s like a limited amount of times that the necklace can be used? I guess… which because like if you could just- if you could just use that necklace infinite times, it would be broken and it would be lame because them you’d just do it all the time and it’s like, “Oh wow like all our problems are solved,” so maybe it's like- I don’t know. I don’t know what the stars are. I don’t know. It’s one of those things where it’s like, it’s Dungeons and Dragons, it could be anything! 

So I guess like my thought is just like the stars show that there’s like a limited amount of times that the necklace can be used, so maybe there is a situation where it's like- I don’t know if they learn this, or if they figure it out, or whatever, but you get to a point where like there is only one star left, and then there's like a point where they could use it but then maybe they choose not to use it, because they're like what if there’s a better situation. It’s kind of like if you’re ever playing Pandemic the board game-

Michael: Yeah.

Mike: And then you have one of those unrationed event cards that’s like really good and you're like, “We could use it here but what if then there's like a time where it’s like better to use it?” and then it’s this big uh, so I could see that happening with the necklace. I don’t know, maybe there’s some sort of like other plane or like gods situation where like a spirit is literally like channeling itself into the necklace, and there's only like five of them or something. So yeah I guess my thing is like it’s limited, they find out that it’s limited, and then it makes them have to be more thoughtful about when and when not to use it rather than just like when Alonzo gets freaked out it just goes off, like trying to actually channel it to use it at an important time.

Michael: So really what you’re saying is you’re finding some fault in those stars?

Brandon: Oh Jesus.

Mike: [groaning] Ah, bro…

[all groaning]

Michael: I have been sitting on that the entire time.

Amanda: Wow.

Michael: My heart was fluttering waiting to do that.

Mike: Oh goodness.

Brandon: Oofa doofa. So I wanna know a little bit more about your- correct me if I’m wrong but you haven’t actually played Dungeons and Dragons before?

Mike: Never. I’ve never- I have never played, which is shocking, like I should have as a kid. My group of friends in high school, we were big old nerds, we just did like other nerdy stuff. We didn’t like- me and my one friend where super into playing Rock Band a lot. 

[Eric chuckling] 

Like we were globally ranked, we played way too much.

Brandon: Wait, seriously?!

All: Wow!

Brandon: What was your global rank?

Mike: So, it was in Rock Band 1, we were 300 on Playstation.

Brandon: Oh my god.

Mike: Because it was basically- it was me and my buddy Nate. He was really really good at guitar. I was really really good at the drums, because I play the real drums and it transfers pretty well, and it was just the two of us, a two man band, we called it Knights of the Kitchen Table. Our logo was like a creche with four kitchen appliances in a-

Amanda: Cute.

Brandon: Which appliances?

Mike: A oven, a blender, a fridge, and a toaster.

Brandon: Good choices. Good choices. 

Amanda: That’s all you need.

Mike: And then we had that, and yeah, basically every day in the summer we’d like do something outside during the day and then at night we would just hang out at my house and play Rock Band, and when you just do that every single day for a summer and neither of you have significant others, and you just hang out with each other all the time, eventually, you know, you get to be 300 in the world.

Michael: The only problem I find with that is that you spent time outside.

[all laughing]

Michael: That’s really why you didn't play D&D is that you spent much to much time outside.

Amanda: I know, I know.

Mike: But yeah, so I never played D&D. I’m trying to think of my first introduction to it. I feel like it was really when ‘Join The Party’ was starting and Amanda was like “Oh yeah we’re gonna have this like other podcast that you know me and my friends are gonna make and blah blah blah.” And I was like “Oh yeah, Dungeons and Dragons.” Because it took me awhile before I even started listening to ‘The Adventure Zone.’

Amanda: Mhm.

Eric: Oh, yeah. We had to convince you to do that.

Mike: Yeah, you had to convince me hard at PodCon. Eric and I had this great conversation where we realized we didn’t listen to each other’s podcasts [laughing].

[all laughing]

Mike: Which is good because we’re always supporting it. So I was like okay, so then I just started listening to ‘Join The Party’ and ‘The Adventure Zone’ and then I just got sucked into  ‘The Adventure Zone’ and just like freakin’ plowed through it like listening to a bunch of episodes a day on like 1.3 to 1.5 times so I could get through it fast.

Brandon: You monster.

[Mike laughing]

Amanda: Yeah, live texting us the entire time. It was extremely enjoyable.

Mike: Yeah, it was fun. So that’s my only experience to it. I’ve never actually played it. I guess the closest I’ve gotten is like playing some like- I really do like board games that make you think and work a lot, but I’ve never played a full fledged RPG like this. One of my buddies, Alex, actually owns his own board game company and he has some RPG style games that I’ve played with him, but never like legitimately “Roll to” underscore, like nothing of that matter.

Michael: When you play those games, do you RP at all? Role play at all?

Mike: Yes.

Michael: Like you fully become the character-

Mike: Yeah, and because I do a lot of improv comedy, and my buddy who has this board game company is one of my improv friends in Seattle, and so we’ll just have parties with all of the people that do improv and then do some sort of role playing game so it’s very easy to like be in character and stuff. And it’s so weird to me that like I’m a big ol’ nerd and I love improv and board games and I’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons, like something happened. I did something wrong.

Eric: Schubes!

Brandon: Coming from that angle of like never having played and going into this straight from podcasts, how do you feel about D&D? What's your interpretation of it? Is it something you’re now interested in? Like how does this- how does this world now translate into your existing nerd-dom, you know what I mean?

Mike: Yeah, I think it is very interesting, and I think it’s something that like I feel like almost D&D has like a bad rap, because I guess when i had heard of it-

Brandon: It’s devil worshipping.

Mike: [laughing] Yeah. Just like when I was younger and heard about it I was like, “Oh that’s like that super duper nerdy game where you roll dice and stuff.” I didn’t understand the storytelling element to it. And if when I was younger it was framed to me as “No, no, no it’s basically creating a story with your friends and you have to roll dice to keep it going,” if it like- I guess my perception of it was the flip was that it was mostly dice rolling and like fighting with warlocks and elves and stuff which never appealed to me, hence not reading ‘Harry Potter’ or watching ‘Lord of the Rings’ or all that kind of stuff. 

But if someone flipped it and was like “A. It doesn’t necessarily have to be that. And B. It’s more of like storytelling with a hint of dice rolling,” then I would have been way more on board, so now that I guess I’ve seen it- like my introduction to it is through podcasting where obviously it’s storytelling is the main emphasis behind it, then I think that kind of opened my eyes to it to be like, “Oh wow, you can take something that is traditionally very nerdy and hardcore and is supposed to be really difficult or whatever, but it’s just like fun to listen to.” I think you can listen to ‘Join The Party’, you can listen to ‘The Adventure Zone,’ you can listen to all these other Dungeons and Dragons podcasts, and know nothing about D&D and have no interest at all in D&D but still be like, “Oh wow! That was super fun to listen to!” Like at the end of the day you’re just making like a fun story with your friends, and if it was marketed to me as that earlier, I totally would have done this when I was in high school or whatever.

Michael: I think that’s one of the advantages that like RPG-related board games or board games that you RP have, is that you get that almost the fun and best parts of D&D which is like telling the story and role playing and really into it, but with different mechanics, so that’s like a good introduction to it, so I think that’s good that you’re doing that. It’s one of the suggestions we give a lot to people who haven't played D&D, don’t necessarily have a good way to play it. It’s just so easy to just grab some friends or go to a game shop and play just a board game that has those elements and you’re getting the taste of it, and then you’ll want more. You’ll want to play D&D. Or any of the games because it doesn't have to be you know you don't’ want to be warlocks and elves fighting, even though you’re describing ‘Join The Party’ there.

[all laughing]

Literally. It could be anything else. It could be a Harry Potter one, which I think we do want to ask: now that you’ve listened to some D&D podcasts, pitch us your Harry Potter role playing game. 

Mike: So, let’s see. Harry Potter role playing. So, obviously you’re going to be a kid at the school. You’ve got some sort of personality stats that you would roll for and then based on your roles would put you in a house-

Amanda: Good.

Mike: Kind of like automatically.

Brandon: Mmm!

Amanda: Good, good, good.

Mike: So I guess if you wanna do the four houses you would do like bravery, intelligence, loyalty, and then-

Eric: Racism-

Mike: Racism for Slytherin.

[all laughing]

Mike: I guess [in Snape voice] “ambition,” but yeah racism. So you roll those four, based on the rolls you get your house, and then I guess from that maybe you could- I don’t know how much rolling goes into character creation, but I guess you’d wanna figure out what- either type of magic you’re good at or you can guess choose your class or whatever, and then from that point you just kind of would have to go through the school, and then at that point it’s like DM’s reign to do whatever the story is and stuff, but like obviously you’d have some good [sighs] Quidditch stuff.

[all laughing]

Mike: Um, but then I don't know.

Amanda: Nah, it’s exploding chess all the way. It’s the best- it’s the best wizarding sport for audio.

Mike: Yeah, or exploding snaps and then wizard chess.

Amanda: Yes. Yes.

Mike: So you could do that, but-

Amanda: No, you cross them over.

Mike: Oh! Exploding chess! I like it. But no you could do like- I could see it being where you try to- certain spells are harder and then you have to get a better roll for it to work, like especially if you’re doing one of the non-verbal spells, like you have to do a better roll or else it won’t work. Like whatever that thing Dolohov does in the fifth book-

Amanda: Mhm.

Mike: Where he like draws the x but doesn’t say anything and then like Hermione’s in the hospital for a week! Like you could do stuff like that, so…

Eric: You’re actually giving structure to the magic in Harry Potter, which J.K. Rowling didn’t do!

[Amanda laughing]

Michael: You know, for someone who was put on the spot, that- I really liked that- like this idea, the rolling-

Brandon: So tune in the season 2 of Join the Party where it’s just Potterless and Join the Party-

Eric and Mike [at the same time]: Join the Potterless.

Brandon: And we play-

Amanda: Potter the Party-

Brandon: Harry Potter RPG and that’s season 2.

Eric: I actually really like-

Michael: That would be funnnn-

Brandon: And you’re DMing so I hope you-

Mike: Oh, let’s do it let’s do it-

Brandon: You signed a contract, so…

Mike: And guys are playing basketball instead of Quidditch! Wow!

[all laughing]

Eric: Well, here's the thing with Quidditch is that we can make all these rolls and then you’re just like, “Meh, you caught the snitch. It’s over.”

[all laughing]

Mike: Yeah, Quidditch would be funny it would just be one person each has their own-

Amanda: Roll a d100, that’s how many points you won by because the snitch solves all.

Brandon: I feel like we actually- we just hide a dice in the room somewhere-

[all laughing]

Eric: Find the afikomen but it’s not-

Brandon: And then you find it then you win!

Amanda: What would your threat be?

Mike: There’s like- there turns out to be like an evil shopkeeper at Hogsmeade.

Amanda: Ooh!

Mike: And like everyone- everyone thinks it’s the guy at- what is it, Borgin and Burkes? Or whatever-

Amanda: Yes.

Mike: But so everyone thinks that that’s the one where like Ron always blaming Snape-

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mike: Ron can blame them, but then it turns out it’s like the Zonko’s people.

Amanda: Madam Puddifoot! Ah!

Mike: Yeah it’s like Puddifoot or the Zonko’s people they’re like mad at Fred and George for having a better store than them at Diagon Alley-

Amanda: Yeah.

Mike: And Fred and George are trying to buy out Zonko’s or something.

Amanda: I like it. Trade wars.

Mike: So yeah I could see that. Because like Hogsmeade is cool, but I feel like I wanna learn more about it and stuff. Like I just realized in the sixth book now that it’s like within walking distance of Hogwarts.

Amanda: Yeah.

Mike: I thought that they had to take some sort of transportation there.

Brandon: Yeah, I did too!

Mike: They just walk there.

Brandon: I had that same thought when I was reading them.

Mike: Yeah, I was- I imagined that it was like they take a train or something, because it always feels like a field trip when they’re going.

Amanda: Right.

Mike: So I was like oh they're gonna get on some mode of transportation and go.

Brandon: Right.

Mike: But then the- when they’re coming back and Katie Bell gets possessed or whatever they’re like “Oh they were outside the gates!” I was like oh they never got on anything, looks like they walked. So I would like to learn more about Hogsmeade.

Amanda: But it’s interesting because it’s like I- I would assume in a Harry Potter RPG that the threat and the solution are all kind of self-contained within the castle, because that’s often how we experience the books.

Mike: Mhm.

Amanda: But in fact there’s this slight kind of outside unpredictable zone, where people can apparate in Hogsmeade, people can do magics that are prohibited in Hogwarts, dementors can be in- you know whatever. So I think it’s pretty cool like I wouldn’t necessarily expect that some element that ends up being really integral to the plot of a Hogwarts RPG is coming from Hogsmeade, that’s cool.

Mike: Yeah. Mhm. Could be fun.

Brandon: I have one last question.

[Eric laughing]

Mike: Sure. 

Brandon: You’re playing Dungeons and Dragons. You’re making your character.

Mike: Mhm.

Brandon: Do you choose the wizard class?

Mike: Oh man, probably not. Just because I think, uh, what is - is it rogue? Rogue sounds super fun. And-

Amanda: You'll definitely be like a stabby fighter or something who at the end after executing a kill is just like “Wizard on!”

Mike: Yeah I would wanna be- whatever could let me like make douchey like snappy remarks after I did something, I would wanna be that, because like Spiderman-

Brandon: Let me tell ya, you could be- could do that with any-

Eric: You could do that with any class-

Mike: Yaaay!

Eric: It’s all.

Michael: It’s all of them. Amanda, could you show him the Sneak Attack chart?

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Michael: Just so that he sees like-

Mike: Is this for rogues?

Michael: Rogue is great, but you have to deal with like-

Amanda: Unlike me, you should research the class you’re choosing before you choose it.

Mike: Okay. 

Amanda: Because rogues like their best thing is Sneak Attack.

Mike: Okay.

Amanda: And this is the logic that you need-

Mike: Oh wow!

Amanda: In order to figure out if a thing is a Sneak Attack or not.

[all laughing]

Mike: I’ll describe this to the people listening to this and not watching this-

Eric: We’re gonna have to post this.

Michael: It’s posted already. Amanda posted it.

Mike: I mean it’s basically like a flow chart. You know how flow charts suck? Um…

[all laughing] 

You have one, so not great.

Eric: It’s exactly that.

Mike: But there’s lots of like if this yes, no, then do that, but there’s been a tiny little I believe Oatcake drawn in marker on the side, so that makes it better.

Amanda: Yeah, we annotate books for our Party Favor level patrons-

Mike: Oh, awesome.

Amanda: So I practiced my Oatcake drawing before I drew it because I wanted to make sure it was perfect. 

Mike: That’s beautiful. I’ve started annotating my sixth book of Harry Potter as well, and someone made a great post about it which I didn’t realize- was I said it in the podcast before I started reading it was, “Oh I specifically bought the sixth book so I can write stuff in the margins” and then later on in the sixth book, Harry gets the half blood prince’s copy of that potion book where he writes in the margins-

Michael: Yeah!

Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Amanda: Yooo!

Mike: And someone on the ‘Potterless’ Facebook group was like “Isn’t it so perfect that Mike did this without knowing?” and I was like ehhh so

Michael: Or you knew the whole time, and this is just a lie…

Mike: Wouldn’t that be the biggest rouse ever if I’ve like read Harry Potter, known everything, and then I was just like, “I know what’ll be marketable!”

[everyone laughing]

Brandon: Wouldn’t it be the biggest rouse if you said that on this show and then it’s actually still true!

[Mike gasps]

Brandon: You’re a genius!

Michael: It’s a scripted podcast!

Brandon: And then you’re Lord Voldemort!

Mike: Plot twist, this nose is fake! [popping sound]

Michael: Ooooh!

[all laughing]

Eric: ‘Potterless’ has been the greatest audio drama of all time.

Mike: Oh my gosh! That’d be terrifying.

Brandon: Should we just go around the table and say how much we love Schubes?

Mike: No, don’t, please.

Brandon: A lot.

Mike: Okay. That’s fine. 

Eric: Meh.

Amanda: Schubes, I love you as much as the Sorting Hat is old and snarky.

Mike: That’s a lot. It’s a very snarky hat.

Amanda: Mhm.

Mike: And old-ass hat, too.

Michael: Schubes, I know we officially only met yesterday, but I have lots of love for you.

Mike: Same. Same, same, same.

Brandon: If I were to play a Harry Potter RPG, i would play as the Sorting Hat. 100%. 100%.

Mike: That’d be great. You’d get to basically warn everyone via song about what’s gonna happen and then everyone would be like, “Oh the hat!”

Michael: He’s a bard!

Brandon: This is it. We’re doing this.

Michael: Oh wait, there’s a very obvious question we need to ask you.

Mike: Mhm.

Michael: What are our characters and some of the NPCs we’ve met- where are they in Hogwarts. Are they part of-

[everyone talking at once]

Amanda: Oh yeah, can you sort us-

Michael: Sort us, or put us as professors, or whatever you want.

Mike: Okay, oh man, oh man, oh man. Tracey’s a Hufflepuff easily.

Brandon: Livin’ that Hufflepuff life.

Mike: Johnny’s a Slytherin. 

Michael: Oh no!

All: Oooh!

Mike: You’re just so like-

Eric: Racist!

[all laughing]

Michael: Oh no! There’s not-

Mike: Not for the bad reasons. You’re one of those good Slytherins that they don’t talk about in the books. Let’s see-

Michael: Oh, that hurt.

Mike: I would say that Inara would be a Gryffindor, just wanting to be super brave-

Eric: Really?! 

Mike: Yeah I just think like there’s always that running-

Michael: He’s at Pool Party II. 

[all laughing]

Brandon: Oh right you haven’t gotten to that part yet.

Mike: Yeah, I haven’t gotten to anything else, but there is that thing where like all Gryffindors are people that like want to be in Gryffindor, and I think for Inara she would just be like, “Oh this is the one I wanna be in. They're the really brave people. I wanna be brave.” and then you get self-sorted into that.

Amanda: Agreed.

Mike: And then, uh, I don’t- I’m trying to think of other minor characters.

Amanda: Alonzo.

Michael: Greg, Alonzo.

Brandon: Stoneface.

Michael: And Stoneface. 

Mike: Yeah, Stoneface I feel like… I feel like Stoneface would be in Hufflepuff so he could be near the kitchen.

Amanda: Yessss!

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good one.

Mike: So he could get on the sweet snacks. Um, I don’t know about Greg. I don’t think I know enough about him to make a judgement call.

Brandon: He’s in that other school that’s not Hogwarts that’s really shitty.

Mike: Oh yeah he’s in Ilvermorny in America, or he’s in like Durmstrang or something-

Amanda: I’m gonna vote Ravenclaw for Greg, I think.

Mike: Yeah that’s what I was gonna- that’s what I was gonna lean towards. And then Alonzo- I feel like Alonzo could be… he could be a lot. Because it’s hard to pick one. I wanna say he could be Hufflepuff, but he- I think he internalizes too much, which makes me wanna maybe put him in- maybe he’s like a struggling Gryffindor like a Neville situation where it’s like he’s got the potential to, you know, he is the champ and he’s got the potential to do so much, but he has to like find himself a little bit first. So, I could see him as like a Neville-esque Gryffindor where it’s like for the first couple years you’re like, “Why is this guy in Gryffindor” and then it’s like “Oh that’s why this guy’s in Gryffindor.” So that would be my pick.

Eric: And ‘cause-

Michael: I think-

Brandon: Is he gonna get really hot later?

Eric: He’s already super hot, you just haven’t noticed.

[Mike laughing]

Eric: He needs to take off his glasses and put down his hair.

Michael: I’m gonna want you to give an updated answer once you get further.

Mike: Oh yeah.

Michael: Especially with Johnny, because I’m very upset.

Mike: Oh no! I mean…

Michael: No, no! You said it! No justifying it now! I’m very upset!

[Mike laughing]

Mike: Okay, yeah I’ll give an update.

Brandon: See, Fish was hoping you’d be like, “Johnny’s a professor and he’s the best professor in the school and everyone loves him.”

[all talking at once]

Michael: That’s the answer! That’s the answer!

Mike: Aww…

Amanda: “Johnny’s Dumbledore!”

Michael: No, Johnny’s not Dumbledore. He's just like-

Mike: Snape.

Michael: -that like Professor Flitwick.

Amanda: Oh, yeah. 

Mike: Okay.

Amanda: Just like doesn’t give a shit. Teaches his stuff.

Michael: And is like doing weird illusion stuff.

Amanda: Mmm.

Mike: Good mustache.

Michael: That’s how I’ve always-

Eric: Johnny is Moaning Myrtle. Hot take.

Mike: Oooh.

[all laughing]

Mike: Wow, that is scorching! 

Eric: Scorching take.

Amanda: Johnny is Nearly Headless Nick. Just like floating around telling stories

Mike: Oh wow!

Eric: Check out my head! Balalalalalala…

Amanda: Well Schubes, thank you so much for joining our Afterparty, and for listening to ‘Join The Party,’ and for being a part of Multitude.

Mike: Well, thanks for having me, and thanks for making the podcast that is truly enjoyable, and everyone listening, thanks for listening along. This was a fun little time. I’m glad I got to do this. Happy to be here!

Amanda: Alrighty, that will do it for our Afterparty. We would love to hear what questions you have for the next time. You can find us at, or email us directly You can also hit us up on any social media platform. We are on all of them all day long. We are @JoinThePartyPod on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, all the places you could possibly want to talk to us. And we hang out all day long- not gonna lie, it really is all day long- in our Discord for our patrons. We are so grateful for your support, those of you who are supporting us already, and if you’re able to join, we’d love that.

A great non-money way to support us is to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. If you have an iPhone or if you have iTunes installed on your computer- any kind of computer, you can leave us a review. Just find Join The Party in the podcasts section of the iTunes store. Give us a nice rating, say something sweet, tell us what your favorite NPC is. That really does help us to find new listeners, so we really do appreciate it. 

I think that’s gonna do it for us. Thank you again for listening, and we will talk to you soon.

Brandon: Bye guys!

Michael: Bye.

Mike: Bye!

Amanda: Bye!

Michael: Undying Light be with you.

Eric: See ya later.

[theme music]