BAM BAM BAM! You captured the goons who are chasing you. What do you do? A) Talk calmly and listen what they have to say? B) Get too excited that you have the upperhand and overplay? C) Squeeeeeeze info out of them? D) All (and none) of the above?
We’re playing Masks for this campaign! You can access a running list of all the NPCs from Campaign 4 here.
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer (Connor Lyons): Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, Editor (Shelley Craft): Julia Schifini
- Co-Host, Co-Producer (Rowan Rosen): Amanda McLoughlin
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign: the drama and excitement of a superhero high school! Or marathon our completed stories: Campaign 3 for a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, the Camp-Paign for a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Liminality is a ghost hunter and a streamer who needs some teens to help her find the spirit who's haunting the Funbratory. That sentence is nowhere in the Torah, I'll tell you that much. She says there's been a rash of kids who've been swapping powers lately, and she thinks the ghost might be related to that. This is a great opportunity to split up and look for clues, gang. Rowan talks to the guy in the big jacket who is actually swapping kids powers. That's Toddrick Swapper. He needs money fast and wants Rowan to help him get it, which is tempting to him when Rowan offers up a piece of her extremely powerful powers. Connor and Craft go with Liminality and check out the Haunted Hall of Prisms. The spirit's lurking in there, but so are the masked agents who've been harassing Connor. But Craft doesn't know that, after a lot of wham, bam, pow, Connor has the agents wrapped up. They just want to know where Anita Tigre is and what did Connor do to her. I know what happens next, but you don't. Let's get the party started.
Eric: Hey, all you super friends. You want to get good together? You want to skip math together? You want to punch bad guys together? It's not that I haven't used my words, it's that nobody listens to me and I can shoot fire. 1, 2, 3, 4.
[theme]
Eric: The cover of this episode is grainy and in green night vision VHS crackle.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: We see the figures of you three kind of in the foreground. Maybe you're sitting in an abandoned waiting room of a mental facility from the 1950s. It's called Long Island Mental Facility for people who are definitely fine and not women.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I think the three of you are sitting in there with like a little campfire around each of you, and there's an— one of the ghost talk box behind it, and each of you are casting terrible shadows behind you. What is the spooky shape of the shadow behind each of your characters?
Brandon: That's really good.
Julia: A sexy bat lady.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: I have a very specific one in my mind, too.
Eric: Now, Julia, can— Julia, how is the shadow rendering the sexiness?
Julia: She's very curvy, which is the opposite of Craft, which makes it somehow spookier.
Eric: Julia, congratulations. What is the weird thing Craft is doing? Like, is she, like, leaning over, eating a s'more, and that's making the sexy bat lady busty?
Julia: Now, I was going to say I think Craft has a Scooby-Doo sandwich style s'more that is so many layers, so many layers.
Eric: Right. And that's—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —the chest. Got it. Got it.
Julia: Yes. And that's the boobs.
Brandon: Now, quick question, Julia, were you picturing the bat lady from Sonic? Was that the sexy—
Julia: No, I'll send you—
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: It was a very specific character from a previous Halloween Horror Nights. I will send an image in the chat later.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: Brandon, don't worry. I was picturing Rouge the Bat there, so—
Julia: Fair enough. Fair enough.
Amanda: I was picturing Mothman, but with tits.
Brandon: I mean—
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: —who's to say that Mothman doesn't have them already? You know?
Amanda: You're right. We focus so much on the badonkadonk that we don't give enough attention to his tits.
Eric: Brandon, Amanda, what are your characters' spooky shadow?
Amanda: I keep alternating between many tentacles and many spikes, so maybe this is a sort of alternating tentacle, spike, tentacle, spike. Just like huge behind—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: —Gravitas Rowan.
Eric: Yeah. I like that. It's like, is this a duck or is it a rat?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And I think mine is like your grade school principal with, like, a report card, who looks disapprovingly at you.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: Brandon, that's too real. Damn.
Julia: Too real.
Brandon: I know.
Eric: And Connor has just regular, contorted himself into that shape the scariest thing he can think of.
Brandon: Yep, and all your teeth have fallen out.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: And they're naked?
Brandon: And they're naked.
Julia: And they're naked?
Brandon: Julia, this sucks. I'm sorry to cut off the show, but holy shit.
Julia: I have a picture of her myself, but I didn't want to share my own photo with her.
Eric: Oh, this sucks. I like how you could tell they're on stilts.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I mean, it's awesome, but holy shit.
Julia: Let me see if I could find the one that I have with her.
Eric: Her name is Batricia.
Julia: Yeah. She's a sequel to Batilda, who they had last year as one of the tribute store mascots.
Brandon: That's awesome.
Julia: Yeah, dude.
Amanda: Now, Julia, how does Jake get a job as the, like, safety supervisor of Halloween Horror Nights?
Julia: I don't know, but great question.
Amanda: I know it would probably require moving to Florida, but this might be worth it.
Julia: I'm considering.
Brandon: Ooh, that's tough.
Eric: She's so furry.
Julia: Yeah, that's what's hot about her.
Eric: Okay. Well, hey, let's quickly turn the page before we start thinking about this bat lady any more than we need to.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Connor has liquid pooled himself over the two besuited pursuers. And Rowan and Craft, you are standing over the two of them as you have run outside of the Hall of Prisms.
Brandon: Besuited—
Amanda: Besuited pursuers.
Brandon: I was about to say the same thing.
Amanda: Besuited pursuers. Besuited pursuers.
Eric: Red leather, yellow leather, pursuing pursuers.
Amanda: Watermelon. Dollar slice.
Eric: Peter Parker picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Brandon: On his cheese pizza.
Amanda: While pursued by besuited pursuers.
Eric: Connor, underneath you, it seems like both of these folks in suits have almost given up. They're not thrashing anymore. They're just laying under you, like letting the weighted blanket of your terrifying teenage form kind of just consume them.
Brandon: Oh, I didn't think about Connor being a weighted blanket.
Julia: It's kind of cute.
Eric: I think he's a weighted blanket now, for sure.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Craft and Rowan, you have various amounts of information. Figure out what's going on. Hey, what do you— what did the three of you do?
Brandon: Connor will say—
Brandon (as Connor Lyons): Does anyone have any, like, uh restraints? Some rope or like a shoelace or something that we can tie these people up with?
Amanda (as Rowan Miriam Rosen): I got it.
Amanda: And Rowan is going to take a moment, center herself, as she usually does. And in mechanics here, I'm going to charge my burn.
Brandon: Yay.
Julia: Yay.
Amanda: All right.
Eric: So scary.
Amanda: So two conditions marked right now, so I'm going to roll plus two. [dice roll] Okay, that is a nine plus two. So on a success, I get to hold three burn. I am going to spend one of them on my flare construct. I can create any object with my powers up to the size of a person. I'm going to make a thick-ass rope with a big-ass padlock.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Thick-ass rope.
Brandon: With a big-ass padlock.
Eric: So, yeah, what do objects that are made out of gravity look like as you've now wandered into Green Lantern territory?
Amanda: I think this is going to be the same dark gray, black, staticky that we have come to love from Voidie-Lynn And in fact, you see the padlock open up, one eyelash, eye, wink, and then close again.
Julia: Ugh.
Amanda: As the rope almost like— you guys know the fabric that is, like, black and gray, like marled wool? It's almost like that, but it's moving. And so it's—
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: —very disconcerting, like a bunch of snakes all moving together.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ugh.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: That makes me sound like this when I think about it.
Amanda: So Rowan tosses this to Connor.
Julia (as Shelley Craft): Also, Connor, why are they saying your aunt is missing? Just real quick—
Brandon (as Connor): I— I'd—
Julia (as Craft): —while you're available.
Brandon: And you see Connor— like, in a horror movie where, like, the monster sort of, like, breaks their bones and, like, weird— does weird joint movements.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: You see, like, an arm just, like, sort of pop out of the goo, and another one sort of pop out of the goo and start tying them up.
Amanda: Scary.
Julia: I thought you said you were creating arms just to shrug at me and I was like, "Damn. Commitment."
Brandon: And he's like—
Brandon (as Connor): I don't know. They might be lying. I— honestly, I haven't heard from Anita in a while, but I don't know. This— we need to tie them up, torture them, waterboard them, learn more about what they've got—
Julia (as Craft): Uh, wait, Connor, Connor.
Brandon (as Connor): Sorry. Am I going too far?
Amanda (as Rowan): No one's gonna waterbody anybody.
Eric: The one wearing the mask with the red smiley face says—
Eric (as Honeycrisp): Ooh, waterboarding. Interesting. That's a good tactic. I can see where you got it from.
Amanda (as Rowan): Don't remind them about Bush era tortures. Don't do that. We don't need that.
Julia (as Craft): Do these guys work with Emily Slaughter? Because that's, huh, concerning.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't know.
Eric (as Honeycrisp): Work with? It's more of an open plan sort of job space. Work with, work around, work between, you know?
Julia (as Craft): Oh. Gross.
Brandon (as Connor): Parallel play.
Eric (as Honeycrisp): Oh, I'm sorry. Who is the— who are the teenagers who are asking for rope, handcuffs, or some sort of chain?
Julia (as Craft): Not me. Personally, not me.
Amanda (as Rowan): Also not me.
Brandon (as Connor): That would be me.
Eric: The one with the mask on, continues and turns to Rowan—
Eric (as Honeycrisp): So how'd you do that?
Amanda (as Rowan): Wouldn't you like to know?
Eric (as Honeycrisp): I would. You know, I could always take a stab at it, that you started out with some sort of, oh, manipulation of the ionic sphere, the gravity control of the earth. You've tapped into it, but now you're at the second level, the third where things start to get interesting, where you put the physical things together. Ooh, I wonder what sort of thing happened to you that lets you put all of this together? Maybe it was something traumatic, or you have a sensei of some sort? I like it. I wonder what would happen if you kept working on it.
Brandon (as Connor): Rowan, can you also make some duct tape?
Julia (as Craft): Sir, can you stop flirting with a teenager? That's fucking weird.
Eric (as Honeycrisp): Oh.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah. Does getting overly familiar with teenage girls make you happy? Because I know some people who'd be interested in putting you away.
Eric (as Honeycrisp): First of all, gross. Second of all, I just know talent when I see it.
Eric: And Rowan, I want to shift your labels. Danger down, superior up. You're too good for this.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Damn.
Amanda: I'm gonna resist.
Eric: All right.
Julia: Do it.
Brandon: Resist.
Eric: When you reject someone's influence, roll straight up.
Julia: Just straight up, baby.
Amanda: That's an 11, six plus five.
Julia: Fuck yeah, dude.
Eric: Jesus Christ, you guys. Okay.
Julia: Don't let this man tell you what to do.
Eric: Clear condition or mark potential by immediately acting to prove them wrong. Shift your— one label up and one label down of your choice, or cancel their influence and take plus one forward against them in the future.
Amanda: Cancel influence plus one forward against this guy.
Eric: And you got one more.
Amanda: And I am going to mark potential.
Julia: Hell yeah, dog.
Brandon: Yeah, mark potential.
Julia: Well-deserved.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So immediately act to prove them wrong that you're not too good for the shit you're doing right now.
Brandon: You tripped.
Amanda: Rowan is going to show these goons that they are not more powerful and more knowledgeable than her by hoisting them up in the air, flipping them upside down, and dangling them almost like trussed up like a pig near the ceiling.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Eric: You're outside, which makes it almost scarier that, like, you're holding them up in—
Amanda: Yeah, let's say 15 feet up.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Geez.
Eric: There's a panel illustrating how high in the air they are. And you just— you can see, like, the broken down kind of sort of brown out theme park that you truly are in.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: As they go up in the air, like Connor obviously slides off like Teflon and then just hits the ground with a splat. Like not far, but it's just— it's really gushy and gross sounding. It's like putty. You know like kid’s putty?
Eric: Yeah. Mechanically, Connor, you're free to do whatever you want. Before, you were holding them down based on the move you had in the last episode, so now, you're— they're restrained in a different way, so you're all set.
Brandon: Great.
Julia (as Craft): Real quick, now that it seems like we definitely took care of them, Connor, can we, like— can we just take a quick sidebar, real quick?
Brandon (as Connor): Can I call Anita real quick? Is that okay? Do we, like— her— can we do both at the same time? I just need to see if I can get her on the phone.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Did you get a new phone after the wizards tower?
Brandon (as Connor): Shit.
Julia (as Craft): Or do you need to borrow mine?
Brandon (as Connor): Can I borrow your phone?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, because, like, the Void was watching TikTok on your phone, remember?
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And I'm gonna call Anita, whose number is memorized in Connor's brain, because—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: —it's 1-866, Go For Anita.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Now, let me ask, Connor, which phone number is this for Anita? Is this her work phone? Is this her personal phone? Is this, like, the "only call in case of emergencies" phone number? Like, which one is this?
Brandon: It's the red phone, baby.
Eric: It's the red phone?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. I don't know what happens here. This is super interesting. Hey, Craft, can you quickly roll plus superior for me?
Julia: Yes.
Eric: I'll tell you why in this— I'll tell you y'all in a second.
Julia: [dice roll] A seven plus one for an eight.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Very mid.
Eric: Hey, when was the last time your dad hacked your phone?
Julia: I think it was probably beginning of junior year. And then Craft has the most basic— it's not a smartphone. It's the kind that you buy for your grandma—
Eric: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: —so that you just can contact her when she's not at home.
Brandon: It's a dumb phone, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: It's like a fucking cricket or whatever, you know?
Eric: As dumb as you can buy in a mall right now.
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Sure. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Okay.
Brandon: Guys, should we start a dumb technology store? I feel like that would do really well right now.
Amanda: There are a lot of subway ads right now for, like, a secondhand marketplace for refurbished throwback tech from the early 2000s.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Including Game Boy Advance. I saw that one recently.
Brandon: Oh! That's tight.
Eric: Connor, you have— you're using the dumb phone, and a voice you don't recognize picks up—
Eric (as Pizza Guy): Hey, this is Il Polpo Pizza down at the airport. Well, I don't know why you're calling the pizza place down at the airport. What kind of pizza do you want waiting for you at the airport?
Julia: I would pay so much money for that service. Fuck.
Amanda (as Rowan): I've never seen octopus on pizza. They're lying. They're lying.
Julia: This— I will say, Eric, this is a callback to Season Two. Il Polpo was a restaurant in Little Italy in Lake Town City.
Eric: I know, but they franchised another in the airport.
Julia: Good for them.
Eric: Yeah, they made it to the airport.
Brandon: Guys, did I never tell you that one of the best pizzas I've ever had was at the airport in Italy?
Eric: Well, that makes sense.
Julia: It's in Italy.
Brandon: It was so good.
Eric: I've had incredible barbecue at the Nashville airport. So, like, when they—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: If they're bringing the stuff to the airport, there's nothing about the airport itself that makes—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —the food bad.
Julia: The airport is not the one that's wrong here, people.
Eric: The airport isn't the problem. It is the things that get— that need to get brought through TSA security, that's the issue.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I was just looking up il polpo to make sure that is Italian for octopus, which it is, and it took me—
Julia: It is.
Amanda: —to the Italian language Wikipedia article for the octopus, which taught me that the Latin name for the common octopus is octopus vulgaris, which reminds me that vulgar just means common. And so if someone calls you vulgar, just be like, "Yeah."
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: Exactly. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I didn't know that.
Amanda: I'm common.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: I'm so average.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Anyway—
Eric (as Pizza Guy):We're not the common octopus. We're the one at the airport. What kind of pizza do you want for your order for you at the airport?
Brandon: Is Anita there?
Eric (as Pizza Guy): Anita? Yeah, hold on.
Eric: Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
Eric (as Pizza Guy): Hey, Anita! Someone's calling for you on the pizza phone.
Julia: Not the pizza phone.
Brandon (as Connor): Is it shaped like pizza or shaped like a pizza slice, or is it made of pizza?
Eric (as Anita DiMetropolis): Yeah, this is Anita. Who's asking?
Brandon: Is this Anita Tigre?
Eric (as Anita DiMetropolis): No, this is Anita DiMetropolis.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay, well, I need to get off the phone. Bye.
Julia: I just want to ask really quickly from a background, that wasn't her maiden name, right, Brandon?
Brandon: No, no. No, I don't think so. Yeah.
Julia: Okay. All right, just checking, because you hung up real quick. And I was like, "Uh—"
Eric: No, she's a Lyons and then she got married.
Julia: Oh, right.
Eric: And got Tigre.
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: Connor's like—
Brandon (as Connor): Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Brandon: I'm gonna try to call her cell phone, her personal cell.
Eric (as Snapdragon): Uh, hey, who are you call— hey, are you— if you're calling Anita, you should let us know.
Brandon: Connor gives them the middle finger.
Julia: It's so gooey.
Eric (as Snapdragon): Hey, I think it's pretty terrible form to be calling the person who disappear, pretending like you didn't do it. You could just talk to us about it, instead of doing this whole thing.
Brandon: Connor stretches his arm up, grabs him in the face, and is like—
Brandon (as Connor): What the fuck are you talking about?
Eric (as Snapdragon): What the fuck are you talking about?
Julia (as Craft): Okay, I feel like this is not productive. Connor, hey, focus up.
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-huh. Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): I need problem-solving Connor right now. I need—
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Julia (as Craft): —diplomacy Connor, right now. I do not need "Let's waterboard them" Connor right now. I don't know him.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, he's not very fun.
Julia (as Craft): No, I— that— honestly fucking shocking when he said that. Genuinely.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, it's Anita, okay?
Julia (as Craft): Understandable.
Julia: Has Connor told us about the Mr. Sizzle situation?
Brandon: Yes, I did.
Julia: Okay.
Julia (as Craft): Connor, I have a weird question/assumption, and I need you to bear with me for a second. When you gave Mr. Sizzle that letter—
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Craft): —about the, like, Heroes 4 Hire kind of thing, right?
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Craft): And he made everything disappear related to that.
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Craft): Is it possible that your aunt's existence somehow got folded into that?
Brandon (as Connor): Shit.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, no.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't see how.
Julia (as Craft): I mean, she works for Heroes 4 Hire. The reason that you're getting that letter is because you, like, took a lead from her.
Brandon (as Connor): But the— all the papers just said like, "Connor Lyons, you are a dick. Come to this court or I'll kill you."
Eric (as Stan Lee): Hey, Stan Lee here. You remember back in a few episodes ago, Connor went down to Mr. Sizzle and threw a letter in there. That's what happened.
Julia (as Craft): Something about proprietary information, right?
Brandon (as Connor): But if—
Julia (as Craft): Listen, the weird flame elemental guy who made a lot of weird jokes, you know, and sounded like Rodney Dangerfield, which I only know because my dad's a weirdo. He didn't give you really, like, parameters around what gets eliminated when he eats it.
Brandon (as Connor): That's true. I guess I shouldn't have trusted a flame demon.
Julia (as Craft): Hmm.
Amanda (as Rowan): Uh, do you guys want me to see if I could, like, do anything about this?
Brandon (as Connor): What can you do about it?
Amanda (as Rowan): I could ask you know who.
Julia (as Craft): Rowan, if you have, like, reality shifting abilities, you got to tell us, because, like, I could be doing so much better in school without having to try.
Amanda (as Rowan): I mean, give me one second. Okay?
Brandon (as Connor): Okay. Hey, bring the guys down in the meantime.
Julia (as Craft): No, don't bring them down 'cause they'll—
Amanda (as Rowan): No, it's fine.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay, don't bring them down.
Amanda (as Rowan): We'll be fine. We'll be fine.
Julia (as Craft): Then they'll run and that'll be a whole fucking thing.
Amanda: So Rowan turns her back to Connor and Craft, opens up one blazer pocket. And in the inside blazer pocket, she is taken to keeping a pair of reading glasses in there. She doesn't need them in life, but she puts them on, and you see the lenses go void and what Rowan is seeing, I don't know if you guys see it or not. You tell me what's more fun, is Voidie-Lynn's green M&M eyes coming into the lenses.
Brandon: That's fun.
Amanda: And so Rowan whispers out loud now—
Amanda (as Rowan): So could we do something about, maybe, like getting Aunt Anita back or figuring out, like, where she is?
Amanda: And I don't think you guys hear it, but Rowan certainly hears the response of—
Amanda (as Voidie-Lynn): Oh, honey bunch, I'm so glad you asked. There's so much of our power and potential that you are not using. Let's go ahead. Let's see what we can do here. Okay? Now, um, close your eyes, hold your breath, and think of England.
Amanda: Rowan goes—
Amanda (as Rowan): What?
Amanda: And then—
Julia: Why England?
Amanda: —I'm going to go here and use, Eric—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —my elemental awareness.
Brandon: Oh!
Amanda: I'm marking another burn and I'm going to ask you a question that you have to answer honestly. How can we recover Aunt Anita?
Eric: Elementally.
Julia: Elementally, how can we do it? So just a gap in the universe where she used to be?
Amanda: I feel like Rowan could tell if her atoms are there or not, if there's been a, you know, a disturbance in the force, so to speak.
Brandon: You're a Jedi. This is unrelated, but in my head, it's like the Apple vision, where it has the creepy M&M eyes on the other side.
Julia: Ew. I hate that.
Amanda: I was picturing the, like, pinwheel, like hypnotism glasses.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Fun.
Amanda: So the text of this power is you can ask any one question about the world around you and the GM will answer honestly.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: And it has mark a condition, guys, for the record, so I am going to go ahead and mark guilty. If I had supported Connor better and knew that he was distressed about this, fine, then maybe we could be not in this situation.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Voidie-Lynn leads Rowan on a Schoolhouse Rock style cartoon song describing of how every single noun, person, place or thing—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: —that has, or in the future will ever exist, has, like, a specific atomic weight that determines if they exist or not. Of course, since there's no multiverse, there's only one for each person, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So if Anita is not here, that means that she got erased. And there's kind of a one in, one out policy on objects, on peop— nouns in the universe. So if you want to swap, if you need to bring someone back who got swapped out, you got to swap something else out. So you need some ability to do this— you need something to do the swapping.
Brandon: Now, I just want to say that there's someone—
Eric: And this is how a bill becomes a law.
Brandon: Yes, I'm only a bill. We have someone named Toddrick Swapper, and we also have two motherfuckers hanging in the air.
Amanda: Rowan relays all of this and shoves Voidie-Lynn back in her pocket.
Brandon: And Connor says—
Brandon (as Connor): Well, there's a guy named Toddrick Swapper, and there's two motherfuckers hanging in the air.
Amanda (as Rowan): Uh, yeah. So when we were apart, I did kind of make Todd think that I wanted to sell some of my powers for money, and he's offering $500, uh, per student to swap the powers. He's definitely the one who's been doing it.
Julia (as Craft): That's so little.
Amanda (as Rowan): Um, I mean, maybe the students are also doing it, but, like, he is— like, sex— but he is switching the powers. Um, and so I made him think that, and I said we would— I would meet up with him again tomorrow to tell him if I want to do it or not. Um, and so I thought that would be helpful, so that we could kind of, like, strategize and then, like, meet up with him.
Brandon (as Connor): I like it. I like it.
Amanda (as Rowan): So—
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Amanda (as Rowan): —if he can swap people as well as powers, then, I mean, just gotta choose someone, I guess.
Brandon (as Connor): I'm really panic— is anyone else panicking? I'm panicking. I feel like my shirts are a little too— it's a little too tight. I want to—
Amanda: Can I comfort and support?
Julia (as Craft): We're more, like, having an existential crisis, but yeah, that feels like the right response to that.
Eric: Yeah, please— how would you come— hey, how would you comfort and support your friend?
Amanda: I think I will wrap Connor up in a big hug at essentially waist level, and hug him tighter than is probably comfortable, but is hopefully grounding. And just be like—
Amanda (as Rowan): Buddy, you are not alone. Dealing with this problem alone was not the move, but now we're together, and we're gonna figure it out. Okay? Your aunt's pretty hot. I'm gonna make sure she doesn't die.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. That's the only reason because she's so hot.
Brandon (as Connor): I would agree, but that's really weird.
Eric: Roll plus mundane, please.
Amanda: Oh, that's a six minus one. I'm sorry.
Julia: Oh, buddy. Oh, buddy.
Amanda: Well, gonna mark potential.
Julia: It's because of the hot aunt comment. That's why it doesn't comfort him.
Amanda: I really lost it at the hot aunt comment, you're right.
Eric: Was it comforting hearing that your friend only cares because your aunt's hot? Was that good for you?
Brandon: Not super comforting. I was gonna—
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Did I miss the mark?
Brandon: I was gonna pitch that you were too short and I couldn't hear you very well.
Eric: Well, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
Julia: Yeah?
Eric: Hey, Connor, I mean, do you want to do a hard move against your friend? Would that be nice for you? I feel like that— I feel like you have the opportunity to do so.
Brandon: What would that mean? What would that entail?
Eric: What would— if Connor as someone who maybe gives advice all the time and hears people say dumb shit to him all the time, and he goes, "Wow, I totally understand. That's crazy." And then he isn't having an existential crisis. And then you hear, "I'm doing this because your aunt is hot." How would you feel about that?"
Amanda: That's not quite what I said.
Eric: Well, that's what Connor heard when you rolled a five.
Amanda: I see.
Brandon: I mean, I don't think he would do anything, like, rash. I think he would just, yeah, sort of, like, roll his eyes and—
Julia: Connor will remember this.
Brandon: Yeah, and not really hear it and, yeah, probably bring it up later at another time where it would be awkward for everyone involved.
Julia: Excellent.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, keep it in your inventory. Well, maybe, I guess, the universe has a different opportunity. Because, you know, it's so funny, Rowan, because you're rolling mundane, you're trying to be a person. I don't know if you're able to hold on to the chain as well and hold them in the air—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —as well at the same time. We— because something is tugging on the two suited agents being held up in the sky. There is a dark kind of elemental hand is undoing the chain and grabs the two agents. And you can see standing on top of the Hall of Prisms, is Liminality. And all of her tchotchkes are, like, hovering in the air with green ectoplasmic energy. Her face is slack, other than these glowing green eyes. And reaching out of her necklace, which is no longer a camera, which is a terrible green eye, is this black elemental hand who snatches the agents out of the gravity chain.
Julia (as Craft): Uh, Liminality, what the fuck?
Eric (as ghost): These are coming with me. You don't deserve human vessels, if you're just going to play with them like little dolls.
Brandon (as Connor): Liminality?
Julia (as Craft): Is this the ghost? Did Liminality get possessed by a ghost? That's fucking wild.
Brandon (as Connor): Is that you?
Eric (as ghost): Liminality? Is that what you call this vessel? Liminality? That shit sucks. What a shitty name. I thought her name was fucking Heather or something.
Julia (as Craft): Dude, hard agree. Um, she does suck.
Eric (as ghost): Get out of the park. Get out. Tell all of your friends. The Funbratory park is close to you mortals. Get out. Get out. Get out.
Julia (as Craft): Uh, would love to. Is that what you want? Like, I'm trying to figure out— how can we best help you? Because we came to this park knowing that there was a ghost that needed to move on.
Eric (as ghost): Leave. I don't want to move on.
Julia (as Craft): Can I get—
Eric (as ghost): Get out. You're not really listening if I tell you to get out and you say, "What do you want?"
Julia (as Craft): I mean, yeah, but, like, maybe you want something else besides everyone leaving you alone. Like, listen, man, I'm here to help you.
Julia: And can I use change sides?
Brandon: What is that?
Julia: Change sides, I've used it before.
Eric: Change sides again. God.
Julia: When you mislead or trick an enemy by pretending to be on their side, roll plus danger.
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: On a hit, they buy your charade for now. On a seven to nine—
Amanda: Let's fucking go.
Julia: —choose one. On a plus 10, choose two.
Eric: Great. Okay, let's see. So funny.
Amanda: LFG, Julia.
Eric: All— you— you've used it twice in two— in, like, two episodes, and all of a sudden, Craft is like, "Yeah, I don't care if people think I'm evil, it's fine. It's honestly fine."
Julia (as Craft): That's fine. It's kind of fun. And also, that doesn't sound evil, it just sounds like I'm trying sounds like I'm trying to help a bad guy, which I hear it. I hear it when I say it out loud.
Julia: That is a nine plus one for a 10.
Brandon: Yay.
Eric: Jesus Christ.
Julia: So I can pick two. I have you avoid having to provide concrete evidence. You create an opportunity, or you expose a weakness or a flaw. I would like you avoid having to provide concrete evidence and you expose a weakness or a flaw.
Amanda: Let's go.
Eric: Love it.
Julia: My thought process in picking that was if there is a way of getting this thing to get out of Liminality's body by possessing another object or another person, or something like that. That would be ideal, I guess.
Eric (as ghost): I appreciate the clarification.
Julia (as Craft): You’re welcome.
Eric (as ghost): I appreciate being seen. I want all these other teens out of the park. I want to be left alone. But do you know her, with the white hair? She dyes it.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Yeah, you can kind of tell. I mean, like, I— I've met her. I don't, like, know her.
Eric (as ghost): What's her deal? She sings in, like, a— in a Goth Christian rock band.
Julia (as Craft): No. She's like, a fucking streamer. Like, she's a ghost hunter streamer, and that blows.
Eric (as ghost): Oh, she's a ghost hunter?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Eric (as ghost): Okay, you take her out of here?
Julia (as Craft): Oh, yeah. Will you leave her alone? Like, stop possessing her?
Eric (as ghost): Yes, yes. Yeah, I don't want—
Julia (as Craft): Oh, sick. Yeah.
Eric (as ghost): I don't want to— I haven't felt it yet, but there's probably, like, you know, jars to catch me on here.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Oh, while you're possessing her, can you just, like, smash that little drone thing she's got going on? Because she's streaming all this.
Eric (as ghost): Oh, really?
Julia (as Craft): Wild. Yeah.
Eric (as ghost): Oh, hey, bro, thanks.
Julia (as Craft): You got this.
Eric: Crunch. The three necklaces that the hand was coming out of, just like crumple, like the ghost energy is crumbling a ball of aluminum. Now, it's just kind of like this, this black, green ectoplasmic energy that's surrounding all of them.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And, like, the ghost energy floats Liminality over to you and, like— and then flings her at you, like, with the ragdoll physics.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Uh, I'm Craft, by the way. What's your name?
Eric (as ghost): My name? It's been so long since I remembered my name. They just call me the ghost of the Funbratory.
Julia (as Craft): But that's, like, not who you are as a person, right?
Eric (as ghost): Bruh, I can't remember my mortal form.
Julia (as Craft): Bruh. Give me anything about your history, maybe I can find out something about you and find out your name.
Eric (as ghost): Dawg. I wish I knew. This is the first time—
Julia (as Craft): Oh, fuck.
Eric (as ghost): —I have a real conversation in like— in a decade.
Julia (as Craft): Bruh. That's tough.
Eric (as ghost): It's the best I can do, bruh.
Julia (as Craft): That's tough, bruh.
Eric (as ghost): All I have are the current slang of all the kids who hang out here. Oh god.
Julia (as Craft): All right. Well—
Eric: And, uh, Liminality is now, like— who is woozy, flopped onto the ground.
Julia: Craft goes—
Julia (as Craft): All right. You were possessed by a ghost. You're fine now. We're gonna, I guess, get out of here. Please enjoy your haunted theme park without us.
Eric (as ghost): Thank you, for real, for real. I'm keeping these two for now.
Julia (as Craft): Oh, yeah, is that— Connor, is that cool? If the ghost takes the guys?
Brandon (as Connor): I mean, no, we need to talk— we need to ask some questions.
Julia (as Craft): Why?
Eric (as ghost): This is the best I can do with the deal. Leave.
Brandon (as Connor): Can I— can we ask them a few questions first and then you can have them?
Eric (as ghost): No. Bruh. Ugh, come on.
Julia (as Craft): Just, like, real quick, my guy.
Eric: The green, black energy, like, starts to hum and thrum, and it's getting bigger and bigger. And it's really starting to surround the Hall of Prisms, and now, like, the energy is kind of reflecting in terrible ways. You see, like, in the mirrors, you see, like, haunted, ghostly faces that are menacing you. The energy is starting to extend to other buildings.
Brandon (as Connor): Maybe— yeah, maybe we should get the fuck out of here.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): Maybe we'll make an announcement as we get the fuck out of here.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Julia: Oh, and we go.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Julia: We fucking go.
Brandon: Oh, here's what I could do, Eric.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: On the way out, I could be the monster, which I can frighten and intimidate or cow others with my monstrous form, and I can scare everyone out of the Funbratorium.
Eric: Do it. Yeah. You don't even have to roll.
Amanda: Let's go.
Eric: I mean, I think if you're doing what the ghost wants, then you just do it— you don't have to roll, just do it.
Brandon: Yeah. Well, I'm going to strategically place myself between a light source and a giant wall, so I look huge and spiky and scary, and maybe a few tentacles and maybe some boobs. Who knows? And, yeah, just started, like, gutturally scream like, "Get out."
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Yoinks. All of the teens run away.
Julia: Every teen says, "Yoinks."
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: And "Jinkies," and then goes—
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: And Connor looks at his friends and says—
Brandon (as Connor): Guys, don't worry. It's just me. It's just me. It's Connor.
Eric: On the way out, you see everyone's running away, and then someone kind of shoots a line of ice in front of them. And you hear them say—
Eric (as Jamie): Hey, get on. We'll get away faster. Yay, Jamie. I'm so glad you have ice powers now. You want a kiss? No, I want to kiss Jamie. No, I do.
Eric: And then everyone's sliding away.
Brandon: "I want to kiss Jamie."
Julia: Craft goes—
Julia (as Craft): Jamie's got a partner that lives in Canada. You guys can't kiss Jamie.
Amanda (as Rowan): Must've like into that, and they've talked about it.
Eric (as Jamie): We have— we're ethically non-monogamous. That's what they have—
Julia (as Craft): Okay.
Eric (as Jamie): —when you have universal healthcare, like they do in Canada.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Damn, all right. I can't argue with that.
Brandon: The government.
Eric (as Jamie): Look I can kick flip.
Eric: Jamie has an ice snowboard that he does a kick flip on like it's SSX Tricky.
Brandon: Hell yeah, dude.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, everybody, it's Amanda. And this midroll is brought to you by having cookies for breakfast. I'm an adult. Did you know that we offer seven-day free trials of the Join the Party Patreon? That's right, folks. If you hear me talk about how nice the Discord is, how fun the Party Planning podcast is, how easy we make it to catch up on the show with ad-free episodes with the One Shot derby, you have to try this for yourself. So all you got to do is go to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and click start seven-day free trial. You are going to love it. And listen, if you marathon lots of stuff on your free trial, nobody's going to be mad at you. Okay? Go on over, try the free trial at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. If you like Join the Party, you are going to love all the other shows that are part of the Multitude Podcast collective, especially Wow If True, which is your one-stop internet culture shop, explaining how it's happening online shapes the real world. It is hosted by internet experts and real-life besties, the tech culture journalist Amanda Ralts Silberling and the science fiction author/attorney, Isabel J. Kim Esq. They ask and answer your burning questions about the internet such as, are AI overlords actually going to take our jobs? How does AI even work? Why are edgelord tech bros now in charge of the US government? Is Pepe the Frog a hate simple or just a misunderstood green guy? And speaking of misunderstood green guys, why exactly is Shrek still so popular? So go check out Wow If True in your podcast player now. New episodes every other Wednesday. We are sponsored this week by United By Blue, a sustainable lifestyle brand prioritizing sustainable materials and ethical manufacturing to help lead the charge toward better business practices. Now, for every product purchased, United By Blue removes one pound of trash from the oceans and waterways, hence, why we are United By Blue, aka the ocean. They have removed over 3.5 million pounds so far, which is incredible. And overall, they're trying to eliminate single-use plastic entirely, both manufacturing stuff out of non-toxic and regenerative fibers that help keep pesticides out of the environment, and also recycling stuff to put existing trash to good use. So if you want to log in there and buy, like, a camping spork and knife combo set, I have that from them. They have all kinds of awesome reusable water bottles. They have everything you might need to camp or eat outdoors, and just generally reduce your personal carbon footprint. And kindly, they have set up a promo code for Join the Party listeners, so go to unitedbyblue.com and use promo code Join the Party to get 20% off your order. That's unitedbyblue.com and the code is Join the Party. Remember back in 2017 when I was a brand-new player coming to Join the Party, learning how to play a tabletop role-playing game for the very first time? I know that at the time, I was so excited to be a new player, because I got to show, hopefully, the other people listening who maybe had never played a TTRPG, or they're interested, or they're— they like DnD in theory, but they're worried about getting the rules wrong, that there is no getting the rules wrong in tabletop RPGs. It's here for fun. So I was so excited to learn about a podcast that I'm going to recommend to you today called Girls Who Don't DnD. None of the all-women team of players has ever joined a DnD game before or any other role-playing game for that matter. They go from learning which dice is which to challenging the gods themselves. It is so much fun and it's so welcoming to people who don't necessarily know what to do when they sit down to join a campaign, because neither do they, but they quickly find out together. It's beautiful, chaotic, heartbreaking, so funny, and they're Australian, so for us Americans, the accent is top notch. So go on over to Girls Who Don't DnD in your podcast app. And I'm warning you, folks, it's pretty addictive, pretty heartwarming, pretty heartbreaking. You're gonna love it. That's Girls Who Don't DnD.
[theme]
Eric: Let's jump forward and we're back here at midterms.
Julia: Oh, shit. I forgot about midterms.
Eric: Midterms are coming up. The midterms are coming up. It's the day before Coach Boneman offers extra help. Actually, you know what? I think this can be Sunday, if you want to. I feel like midterms would start on Monday, and it kind of takes the whole week.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: But Coach Boneman, uh, has opened up office hours for you all to hang out in the gym and to work— and to see what you're going to work on. Maybe try to apply her for questions. But it's Sunday, y'all can do whatever you want.
Brandon: When were we supposed to meet Toddrick?
Amanda: The next day.
Julia: Okay. Did he say where?
Amanda: Back at the Funbratory.
Julia: Oh, well.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: I guess we have to go during the day, because the ghost probably will be pissed if we show back up at night.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Do whatever you want. I'm loose. I'm just saying, like the tide—
Amanda: Time’s moving up.
Eric: We're moving forward.
Julia: I think Craft is going to, in the morning, go to the office hours of Coach Boneman.
Eric: Nice.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: And I think is going to be like—
Julia (as Craft): Hey, coach, just a real quick question. I just want to, like, set my expectations—
Eric (as Coach Boneman): Hmm.
Julia (as Craft): —about what you're expecting me to be able to do—
Eric (as Coach Boneman):
Julia (as Craft): —at the midterms, because, like, if you want me to suddenly have, like, blizzard powers, when I've never shown that ability before, I feel like I should, like, get a heads-up about that.
Eric (as Coach Boneman): Well, you've used it. You've used them before, your weather control.
Julia (as Craft): I mean, yeah, but, like, I've done lightning, like thunderstorm, and cyclone. I don't know anything about, like, the meteorological effects of freezing water in air, you know?
Eric (as Coach Boneman): I understand your hesitancy for being graded on things you do or do not know, but it is your responsibility to have mastery over your powers, especially if you show them on campus. Like, it's in your file.
Julia (as Craft): It's in my file that I've shown cyclones and thunderstorms. No one said anything about blizzards and you were yelling at me about snow storms earlier.
Eric (as Coach Boneman): If you have an issue of what's in your file, then you should talk to some of the staff that have put it there. It's not my responsibility. I don't make the file. I just test it.
Julia (as Craft): All right. So is that, like, Miss Rita? Is that Wordsmith? Like, who should I go to first?
Eric (as Coach Boneman): It seems like you already know who to talk to.
Julia (as Craft): Those two people. Sick.
Eric: You're— while you're talking to her, she's a pterodactyl skeleton the whole time.
Julia: Uh-hmm. It's great.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I love that.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): Your wings are so delicate, yet so powerful.
Eric (as Coach Boneman): Flattery will get you nowhere, but you can keep going.
Julia (as Craft): Fair enough. All right. Sick. They're really cool and your talents look great. All right, I gotta go.
Brandon: Um, Connor couldn't sleep waiting for the next morning to see if he could save his aunt, so he went to Rowan's dorm door like— at, like, 2:00 in the morning, and was just starting like—
Brandon (as Connor): I'll just wait, I'll just wait. I'll just wait 'till she wakes up. I'll just wait, I'll just wait.
Brandon: And then, um—
Amanda: Aw.
Brandon: —Rowan finds him just, like, slumped asleep in the hallway, against the wall.
Amanda (as Rowan): Connor, Connor, if you're feeling this bad, we could have talked about it.
Eric: Someone taped a sign to Connor that says, "If you can see my liver, I'm an idiot."
Julia: Is it visible right now?
Eric: "I'm with stupid," and it's pointing towards your spleen.
Amanda (as Rowan): I mean, it is vestigial. That's true. Wait, is the spleen the one you need? I forget. Connor, man, if you're feeling this bad, I— we could have talked. You have you have teammate wake up powers.
Brandon (as Connor): I mean, last time we talked, you called my aunt hot, so—
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah, that probably wasn't the moment for that. That's on me.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, it's fine.
Amanda (as Rowan): I was feeling a little, like, high on my own supply, because I managed to, like, convince that guy that I actually did want to sell my powers. And he was like, "Oh, wow, you're so powerful, so big. Wow." Like, blah, blah, blah. "I could pay you a lot of money."
Brandon (as Connor):Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): And I was— honestly, I was feeling it a little bit, and I'm sorry.
Brandon (as Connor): No, I get it, and I didn't want to wake— you got to get your eight hours, otherwise, it's like a 0.0001% of your life you just shave off right there without— not getting the eight hours, so I don't want to be the one responsible for killing you. So instead, like, I just waited outside and waited for your eight hours to be done. And should we go?
Amanda (as Rowan): Yes, it is tomorrow, and therapy is silly, so let's go.
Julia: No.
Brandon (as Connor): That's what I've always said.
Julia: Therapy is not silly. Go to therapy.
Amanda: It's not called therapy. It's called counseling.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: At the bottom, somewhere in the Student Handbook, there's like— someone wrote in, "It's not therapy. It's called counseling. We don't legally have the ability to call it therapy. That's not what private schools are for."
Amanda (as Rowan): I think I can counsel myself to take care of a problem for my buddy. Why don't we go get Craft and then we'll head back over? Okay?
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, that's good.
Amanda (as Rowan): Okay, first, let's make some breakfast.
Brandon (as Connor): We don't have time for breakfast. I got Pop Tarts here.
Brandon: And then he pulls out—
Amanda (as Rowan): There's always time for breakfast.
Brandon: —Pop Tart that's just completely crushed in his hand.
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: It's all crumbs.
Amanda: Rowan brings you into her room and gives you one of her emergency knishes.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, this is so good.
Amanda (as Rowan): There you go. There you go. Shh.
Brandon (as Connor): In the meantime, can you re—
Amanda: And she just pats your head rhythmically.
Brandon (as Connor): Could you, like, reconstitute this Pop Tart into, like, a form?
Amanda (as Rowan): No, buddy. Nah.
Brandon (as Connor): No?
Julia: No.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, no.
Amanda: So with Connor fed, I think we'll walk around looking for Craft. Maybe Rowan will text her, see where she's at.
Julia: I think Craft is gonna go to Wordsmith's office.
Eric: All right. Craft is in— I think we see an insert shot of Craft's phone go off. As you're walking around looking for Craft, it's Sunday morning, sitting on a bench, kind of under a tree on the quad, is Todd Swapper and Frög.
Brandon (as Connor): Todd?
Julia: Frög?
Brandon (as Connor): Frög?
Julia: Frög, don't you understand how cool you are?
Brandon (as Connor): Frög, what are you doing?
Eric (as Frög): [croaks] Sitting.
Amanda (as Rowan): Todd, I thought we were gonna meet later in the place.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Oh, I— hey, Rowan, right? I— you know—
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, God. Did we interrupt two kissing stuff?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): —doing stuff— why are— what are you doing here?
Brandon (as Connor): No, we definitely— Rowan, we definitely interrupted them kissing.
Amanda: Uh, Rowan's gonna crouch down to be eye level Frög.
Amanda (as Rowan): If you're feeling insecure about your powers, which, honestly, I don't really know what they are.
Julia: Frog stuff.
Amanda (as Rowan): You have options other than this guy. Okay? I don't know if you, like, are independently wealthy, or if you're trying to, like, get powers from somebody else. If you want to, like, kiss somebody, I'm not, like, volunteering, but we can work that out. Just, like, this is not your only option. And if you're feeling bad, like we're your friends, when— at least your colleagues and, like, we'll be here for you. I—
Eric (as Frög): [croaks]
Julia: The idea of Frög being independently wealthy is so funny to me for some reason. He grew up in Westchester.
Amanda: He's from the Westchester Frög.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Frög): Says the girl who can control gravity to the kid who turned into a Frög.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, you were a kid before?
Eric (as Frög): Rowan, get out of here.
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm sorry, but I actually had a meeting with Todd.
Eric (as Frög): You know, I'm— I have to go. I have [croaks] jumping practice to attend to.
Amanda (as Rowan): So Frög, I'm sorry.
Eric (as Frög): Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.
Eric: And Frög hops away.
Amanda (as Rowan): So, Todd, were you kissing or is he a customer?
Brandon (as Connor): Todd?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Both.
Julia: Shit. All right, cool.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): What's the point? What's the point of blowing this up for me? Like, What— why? Why can't— do you have any chill?
Amanda (as Rowan): I am very sorry to embarrass you.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): I— do you have any chill?
Amanda (as Rowan): No. No. Very no. I am sorry for blowing up your spot. I was actually on my way to go talk to you. I have been a little, like, indecisive about what it is that I want to do, but I have a special project that I think you would be perfect for, and I really just want to, like, ask your opinion on something pretty delicate.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Okay, what is it?
Amanda (as Rowan): Connor, do you want to explain a little bit?
Brandon (as Connor): So, Todd—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Who are you? I could get that cleared up for you. You could have epidermis like that. Do you want wings? I can give you wings.
Brandon (as Connor): I have— well—
Amanda (as Rowan): Not saying no.
Brandon (as Connor): I'm not saying no to the wings, but, like, do you have—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): But they're like— I have, like, owl wings. Do you want fairy wings? Those are in right now.
Brandon (as Connor): Um, I don't—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): They're like drag— I guess they're like dragonfly wings, but they get extrapolated to being a fairy.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, let's hold on that. Don't forget it, because that is very cool. But for now— so I may have made a small error in judgment.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Uh-huh.
Amanda (as Rowan): Connor fucked up real big with his family, and we need your help.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, I might have—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Hmm.
Brandon (as Connor): —just, quote-unquote, "disappeared my aunt."
Amanda (as Rowan): He had deleted to solve a problem of his.
Brandon (as Connor): On accident.
Amanda (as Rowan): Accidentally.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): It's always an accident when you delete your aunt.
Brandon (as Connor): And apparent— well, you know this better than me, Rowan. What's next?
Amanda (as Rowan): And so being in touch with the quacks and the protons and the gravity waves and such, obviously, conservation of matter means that we need to kind of swap one for one. And to get her back, we maybe need to, you know, chuck someone else in the bin, so to speak.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Hmm.
Amanda (as Rowan): We call that a Brooklyn goodbye where I'm from, but—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): From— when you— and you're from Brooklyn?
Amanda (as Rowan): —I was— no, I'm from the low East Side, obviously. Can't you hear?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Okay.
Amanda (as Rowan): Anyway, is that something you have heard of and can maybe help us with?
Brandon (as Connor): I could find you a body to kill— I mean, uh, swap— I mean person— I mean body. I don't know what's worse.
Amanda (as Rowan): We need to get her back.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Okay.
Amanda (as Rowan): And you're powerful and you're resourceful. And you're like— I don't know, how old are you? Like, 28?
Brandon (as Connor): 30?
Amanda (as Rowan): 40?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): I'm 20— I'm 23.
Amanda (as Rowan): Powerful.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Okay.
Amanda (as Rowan): You probably, like, can drive a car.
Brandon (as Connor): You're kissing Frög who's a—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): I'm not. God— okay. Here's what I need, a body, as you're say— as Connor says, I need a place to do this, where no one will kind of walk in on, and I need $50,000.
Brandon (as Connor): $50,000.
Amanda (as Rowan): That's like a made-up number. Money doesn't exist that high.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't even have $5.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Well, then, I guess you don't need your aunt back that badly, do you? Listen, man, do you know how hard it is to swap an entire life force in for—
Brandon (as Connor): No.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): —another?
Brandon (as Connor): I do not.
Amanda (as Rowan): No. That’s why he was asking.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): It's one thing to do powers, and it's one thing to do parts of powers, but that's like— that is the sole equivalent of swapping pinkies out, you know, man? It's— okay, maybe thumbs, because they're important, but still, it's a finger. It's one finger. Swapping an entire being, that's hard, and it's gonna take a long time. And if I do this, then I need to get out of here, because I don't want to be the guy who's known for swapping people in and out of reality. Okay? So I need $50,000, a place to do this, and a body in two days.
Brandon (as Connor): Two days? Fuck. Okay, okay, wait, hold on. Talk, sit, hey, how you doing, bud?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): We're already— the clock is already going because we're having this conversation. Do you understand? Like—
Brandon (as Connor): What— instead of $50,000, what can I get you instead that you really need or want?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Yeah, okay. So $75,000.
Amanda (as Rowan): How about—
Amanda: And Rowan gestures up and down to herself.
Amanda (as Rowan): —a piece of this? No, not like that. Ew. Like power, the power.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): You didn't even give me a chance to respond. You immediately just--
Amanda (as Rowan): I heard— it just came out of my mouth, and then I realized that there's— that is not the thing I was trying to say. Talking about assets, talking about stuff that'll let you make a buck for yourself, et cetera.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): What is it?
Brandon (as Connor): Maybe a little good cop, bad cop here. Don't take this as a threat, but your other option here—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): You just said, I'm gonna play— don't— we're gonna do good cop, bad cop and don't take this as a threat, I'm— I think—
Julia: Yeah, he's the good cop.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: He's the good cop, exactly.
Brandon: No, this is a bad cop.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): The best part about good cop, bad cop is when you tell the person—
Brandon (as Connor): Right.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): —that you're running—
Amanda (as Rowan): Uh-huh.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): —good cop.
Brandon (as Connor): This is part of the negotiation—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Brandon (as Connor): —diplomacy. I put my cards on the table because, on the one hand, you have a great opportunity here, with Rowan here. On the other hand, I have the power to negate all of your powers, so which one—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): That I'm not going to help you? What the fuck are you talking about?
Brandon (as Connor): I'm just—
Amanda (as Rowan): Why don't—
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Wait, what's today?
Eric: He looks down at his watch, which is like an old BABY-G from 2004.
Brandon: A what?
Julia: I don't know watches well enough.
Eric: It could glow in the dark. My brother had one.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Oh, midterms are tomorrow. Okay. Give me your midterm report when you're finished, Rowan, and we can see— and I can give an evaluation on what exactly you can do, and we can see what's worth $50,000.
Amanda (as Rowan): I'll think it over.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): I'll be around.
Amanda (as Rowan): How do I get in touch with you?
Eric (as Todd Swapper): I'm around.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, so I just find Frög and where Frög's spit has been, and then you'll be there.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Ugh. We'll meet at the Funbratory after your midterm tomorrow. Coach Boneman will have it graded by the end of the day. You can come by afterwards when the sun's down, all right?
Julia: The ghost said no.
Amanda (as Rowan): I would prefer to do it in the daytime the next day. I might be kind of wiped out after my midterm.
Eric (as Todd Swapper): Oh, well, I guess we're doing good cop, bad cop, you— to our fucked cop. So I'll see you tomorrow at the Funbratory after dark. Now, I gotta find Frög not to kiss, but to finish the thing I was doing. All right. Jesus.
Brandon (as Connor): No one's judging you. I mean, I would judge you if you were kissing a freshman, but— because that's kind of illegal also. But—
Amanda (as Rowan): Frög's a senior, we keep forgetting.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, shit, a senior.
Eric: Let's check in on Craft.
Julia: Hey, what's up?
Eric: Hey, what are you doing?
Julia: Knock, knock, knock. Outside of Wordsmith's office.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Enter but delicately. I'm doing something minute.
Eric: And the word minute, like, slips under the door, like an envelope.
Julia: Cute. Wait, Eric, I can do a thing because Wordsmith is on my respect meter.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: It says, when you seek out one of the characters named above, roll a savior. On a hit, you find them where you expected to. On a seven to nine, they're juggling their own problems and may not have time for you. On a miss, when you find them, the situation is dire. The GM will tell you how.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Julia.
Julia: [dice roll] What's my savior? Plus one. That's an 11.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Dude.
Eric: Have you rolled anything lower than an— than a nine in the last, like, 10 sessions?
Julia: Yeah. I've rolled like a six and a seven, but I— they were plus one.
Eric: Craft will never level up, will always succeed.
Julia: I want to. I have such a fun one picked out for the next one.
Eric: Then roll badly. I don't know what to tell you.
Julia: I'll start lying about my good rolls, I guess.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. You go inside and Wordsmith is at his desk. He is wearing a all midnight blue terry cloth version of a dad outfit. So, like, midnight blue terry cloth sweatpants, like a—
Julia: Oh, can they be shorts?
Eric: I don't think you see his skin. You can't see his skin, right?
Julia: Ah, fair enough. Yeah, all right.
Amanda: Oh, does he have, like, compression tights under the shorts?
Eric: Okay. Yeah, that's fine. He's probably— yeah, he's wearing midnight blue shorts and, like, a sweatshirt over and he's wearing compression tights under. And he's still wearing his mask, but there are big reading glasses on top of it, because he's making—
Julia: Cool.
Eric: —a incredibly small model of the chamber in which he got his powers. There's, like, a little— these little, like, special book is, like, there's a really small version of it that's like a matchstick, and he's, like, putting it all together with, like, little tweezers.
Julia (as Craft): Oh, that's pretty cool.
Eric (as Wordsmith): It is. It's how I deal with my trauma from the fissuring.
Julia (as Craft): I wasn't even gonna bring up the fissuring, so sick.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Well, I wanted to get ahead of it before you did.
Julia (as Craft): Eh, fair enough. Um, hey, I got a quick question for you. I was talking to Coach Boneman. She was saying something about how— because of what's in my file, they're expecting me to do a bunch of stuff that I've never done before, so I just wanted to talk to you about that and sort of where those expectations came from, and how I can— not gonna say lower them, but how I can achieve your expectations better, because I am worthy of your respect.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Hmm.
Julia (as Craft): Hmm.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Love when a conversation begins with saying you're worthy of respect.
Julia (as Craft): Hell yeah, dog.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Shelley, we've reviewed the things you've done this year, and it seems like you're coming out of the slump from last year. You can do these things, and we've always known you could do these things. It's hard to balance the grades that we have here at the school with traditional, you know, zero to a 100 grades, but there are rubrics that Coach Boneman, I'm sure, has shown you, and you've reviewed, and excels and meets expectations for what we have to file with New York State and the United States as a school, is an 80. And that would hurt the rigorous grades that we have here at Water's Edge Academy.
Eric: And, like, literally, like, the seal of the school comes up.
Julia (as Craft): Okay. I guess, I don't know, like—
Eric (as Wordsmith): What are you worried about? You're worried about whether or not you're going to do a good job?
Julia (as Craft): I'm worried about having to perform something that I've never done before under— not even duress, but, like, on command. You know what I mean? Like, it's like putting someone who has never been in the gym or been away from the gym for a long time, and then telling them, "Okay, go bench press 200 pounds." You never done that before.
Eric (as Wordsmith): But if someone walks in and is shaped like me, you might expect them to be able to bench 200 pounds.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, but what if they never done it before, you know?
Eric (as Wordsmith): Then they should have over the training of this semester, which is why Coach Boneman is here to teach you, and this is a school.
Julia (as Craft): I just think there's a difference between teaching something and then demanding someone do something without ever having taught them how. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I should have been talking to like a fucking weather wizard this whole time. No one gave me weather wizard fucking classes.
Eric: Wordsmith reaches into his desk and pulls out your file, and is flipping through it. Remind me of all of your powers.
Julia: Technically, my powers are electrokinesis and regeneration.
Eric: Right.
Julia: However, we have flavored it that Shelley's powers are weather-based, rather than solely electrokinesis.
Eric: Right.
Eric (as Wordsmith): You are being graded upon your electrokinesis, your regeneration, and where you would fare as working as a professional hero in dangerous situations. The weather things is something that we have observed happened, and it is a growth area. If you're worried about grades, and we are just talking about grades, then that is what we're talking about. However, you know and I know, and Coach Boneman knows, even if you don't want to know, you can do this.
Eric: Wordsmith is shifting your mundane down and your superior up.
Julia: Okay. I'll accept that.
Eric (as Wordsmith): So if you're worried, go train. No one is asking you to create a blizzard large enough to knock out an entire prison.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, because I have never done that before. Just putting that out there, because that's a very specific instance that you decided to call out.
Eric (as Wordsmith): And I know that Dr. Prometheus has. No one's asking you to do this, but you can do what you can do, Shelley Craft.
Julia (as Craft): All right. Cool. Uh, great. Cool talk, bro.
Eric (as Wordsmith): If you wanted someone to be softer to you, you could have went to Miss Rita.
Julia (as Craft): No, I didn't want softer.
Eric (as Wordsmith): But you came in here while I'm making my diorama.
Julia (as Craft): And it's really sick. It's a sick diorama.
Eric (as Wordsmith): Thank you.
Julia (as Craft): Cool. I'm gonna go. Have fun processing your trauma. Later.
Eric (as Wordsmith): And the little book goes here, and you put it right there.
Eric: His hand is so big, and the little tweezers he's using is so small.
Amanda: I'm so charmed by this hobby, and I'm so glad he has it.
Brandon: Do you think if he, like, needs something, does he just, like, say it? Like, "Oh, I forgot the windows." And he says, like, "Small window." Does that work?
Julia: He has to say it in—
Eric: In Esper— he has to say it in Esperanto.
Brandon: Esperanto?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Or does just— does that disappear after a while, so it wouldn't work?
Eric: Part of the joy of miniatures, Brandon, is the sourcing, and I don't know if you'd be able to take that joy away from him.
Brandon: You're right. You're right. I'm a fool. You're right.
Eric: Cool, cool, cool.
Brandon: Well, my next thought is that Connor would not let this go and just go do a midterm. Like, at this point, he's gonna go to Heroes 4 Hire. He's gonna go to the fucking company. Talk to some people, see what he can figure out.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: I was also wondering if we need to get an adult and if asking Wordsmith, if he would be open to, like, trying to bring Anita back, or summoning her or something, would be a good like Plan C. If the Plan A of talking to Heroes 4 Hire, Plan B of trying to, like con Todd into doing this doesn't work out, that's an option as well.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I think so. But I think Connor would be like—
Brandon (as Connor): All right, this is just taking too long, and you gotta go focus on your midterms. Just go—
Amanda (as Rowan): No, I won't. Your aunt is missing.
Brandon (as Connor): You're gonna fail if you don't do your midterms, and you don't want to fail.
Julia: Rude.
Brandon: Well, yeah, if you don't do the midterms, you're gonna fail.
Julia: Oh no, the midterm's tomorrow. It's okay.
Brandon: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
Julia: It's not— it's— today's Sunday.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: The midterm is on Monday.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Rowan): What would I prepare for? I don't really know.
Brandon (as Connor): That's fair.
Amanda (as Rowan): And also, like, I don't want to give up my powers to that guy, not because I love my powers, but because, like, I don't trust that anyone else with these powers would not, like, destroy the entire world, so—
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): —I'm not going to do that. And also, I felt really bad when we talked about, like, a body and trading a person for a person. Like, that's not my role as like a human being to, like, decide who lives and who dies.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, I thought we were— so my I thought we were telegraphically linked where good— yeah, you weren't going to actually give up your powers. Two, it was just gonna be a mannequin with lipstick on it. And three, it was just gonna be like Monopoly play money or something. That's what I thought we were gonna try.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, that's a really— maybe I could make like a suitcase of money.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): And also, like a body with my powers, and then—
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, you know, we could do, we could trick Wordsmith into saying these words in Esperanto, and then using that—
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm sure nobody has ever tried to make him say, "Duffel bag full of hundreds," in Esperanto. But it's a really good idea. Is it like bolsa avec bonitas? I don't— maybe. We could try.
Brandon (as Connor): I think we should definitely try.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah. Also we should talk to Craft, I think.
Julia: Craft, at that point, is walking out with the Wikipedia page open for snow.
Julia (as Craft): "Snow consists of individual ice crystals that grow while suspended in the atmosphere, usually within clouds, and then fall, accumulating on the ground where they undergo further changes."
Brandon (as Connor): Hey, Craft. Craft?
Julia (as Craft): What?
Brandon (as Connor): What are you doing?
Amanda (as Rowan): Did you take too many again?
Julia (as Craft): No, I gotta learn about snow.
Brandon (as Connor): Why?
Amanda (as Rowan): Are you sure?
Julia (as Craft): Man, I'm not sure about anything. What's up? How's it hanging?
Amanda (as Rowan): Um, Todd and Frög, uh, said so much that they are not kissing, then I'm pretty sure they are kissing.
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Rowan): So I thought you want to know that.
Julia (as Craft): Oh.
Brandon (as Connor): I mean, my thought was, like, if you had even an inkling of, like, Frög wanting to kiss Frög, like, wouldn't that be interesting and weird to try? So, like, why wouldn't you, you know?
Amanda (as Rowan): Are you talking about yourself?
Julia (as Craft): I mean, I bet he has a lot of tongue, he's got a lot of tongue.
Brandon (as Connor): No, because he's got a lot— he's a frog. He's got a lot of tongue, you know?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): Because, Connor, if you want to kiss Frög, I'm not gonna judge you.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't want to kiss Frög.
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm gonna make fun of you, but I'm not gonna judge you.
Julia (as Craft): I think the problem would be that his mouth is so much bigger than a human mouth—
Brandon (as Connor): Hmm.
Julia (as Craft): —that like—
Brandon (as Connor): He just swallows you.
Julia (as Craft): —you just kind of feel like it was swallowing you while you kissed it.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. Um, gross.
Amanda (as Rowan): Anyway, talked to Todd. He said he needs $50,000 and another person in order to bring Anita back, and, like, he could, though. So I don't know if, like, making a corpse and giving it to him with my powers would be like a thing we could do or what, but I don't really want to do that unless we have to.
Brandon (as Connor): Making a what?
Eric: Craft, your phone goes off.
Amanda (as Rowan): Corpse.
Brandon (as Connor): Making a what?
Amanda (as Rowan): Corpse.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: Craft, your phone goes off.
Amanda (as Rowan): A body.
Julia: Craft flips open her shitty flip phone.
Eric: And what do you have as Emily Slaughter in your phone?
Julia: Emily Slaughter, and then it's a like, angry demon emoji next to it.
Eric: She also wrote ice in there, in case of emergency.
Julia: Ugh.
Eric: Yeah. Emily Slaughter, demon emoji, ice is calling you.
Julia (as Craft): What up?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Hey, Shelley. Where are you? It's Sunday morning. You want to get brunch?
Julia (as Craft): I'm on campus. No, I have midterms tomorrow. I'm studying.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, well, you know, you guys could— you could take a break? Do— you bring your friends with you?
Julia (as Craft): No. No, I gotta learn about snow.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I can help you learn about snow, but let's get like, a big stack of pancakes. Bring your friends. Bring— oh, bring Connor, it'll be great. I can come pick you up. Where are you?
Julia (as Craft): What? First off, you didn't know my friends' names last time we talked.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): What do you mean? What are you talking about?
Julia (as Craft): You literally didn't know what their names were.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I don't remember that— I— why are you being so— is it because you haven't had your coffee yet? I know it's early, right? I guess I shouldn't have called you this early when you're—
Julia (as Craft): When I had meetings with my professors.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I thought— you had meetings with your professors? I thought you were asleep.
Julia (as Craft): I had meetings.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): That's incredible. This is great. Where are you on campus?
Julia (as Craft): I'm on— I don't know. Look for the frog man and that's— I'm near there. I don’t fucking know.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, you know, I'm walking in the quad. Oh, I think I hear you.
Julia: What the fuck?
Brandon: What?
Eric: And Emily Slaughter walks up. I don't know if you— if Rowan or Connor has seen Emily Slaughter, but she's in her, like, mid to late 30s. She's wearing, like, such mom athleisure right now.
Julia: Jesus.
Eric: Matching set sweatpants, sweatshirt, camisole. It's like a—
Julia: She in and Gimmer shop at the same place.
Eric: Yeah. Oh, you know they do.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's so expensive there. It's so expensive. God, I feel like her outfit is all, like, black and white plaid, but like different—
Amanda: And cunt all over. Sorry, I had to say it for the clip. I had to say it for the clip.
Eric: I didn't— sure. It's what Amanda said. That thing Amanda said.
Amanda: Girl bosses can call girl bosses that the C word.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And, of course, she has her sword dangling from her waist.
Brandon (as Connor): Ah, that's a big sword. Oh, my God.
Eric: You're seeing it for the first time, Rowan and Connor, it is this long katana, and it is still— even in its sheath, you can see, like, coming out of the sides this, like purple energy is still glowing with it and she's— has one hand on it as she's waving aggressively at Craft.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, my God, Shelley, hi.
Brandon (as Connor): Craft, do you know this person?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, this is Emily.
Amanda (as Rowan): That's Emily?
Brandon (as Connor): This is Emily?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): Does she bring the katana with her to Costco?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, it's everywhere.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Gotta keep it on you. And you must— you're Rowan and Connor.
Brandon (as Connor): I thought they took your weapons away.
Amanda (as Rowan): Wow, you had me. Hi.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I— I'm right—
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, hi.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I'm standing right here. Yeah. Hi.
Julia (as Craft): Uh, what's going on?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I was just here to take Shelley to brunch, and wanted to know if the two of you wanted to come.
Julia (as Craft): In the helicopter or in the black unmarked van, or—
Brandon (as Connor): Wait, are you the one that works for Heroes 4 Hire?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Yes, I work there. I'm, uh—
Brandon (as Connor): I would love some fucking pancakes.
Amanda (as Rowan): I would love to go to brunch and ask about all kinds of embarrassing stories about Craft as a child.
Julia (as Craft): Oh, God. Guys, no.
Brandon (as Connor): Yes.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Yes. Oh, my God. Well, I— we can take the unmarked— you want to take the unmarked van? You want to take the unmarked helicopter? We can take the invisible helicopter.
Julia (as Craft): I mean, the unmarked vans are more fun.
Brandon (as Connor): The invisible one. Why would I want to take an unmarked van?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Okay, we'll take the invisible helicopter.
Amanda (as Rowan): Wow. Shelley, your aunt's kind of cool.
Julia (as Craft): No, she's not my aunt.
Brandon (as Connor): What is she?
Julia (as Craft): She's like—
Amanda (as Rowan): Your big sister figure?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Well, yes, I'm the big sister figure, but also legal guardian. So it's just—
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): But, like, we go with big sister figure.
Julia (as Craft): We don't.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): We do.
Julia (as Craft): W really don’t.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Lots of people on the street tell us how we much— similar we look like. Look at us.
Julia (as Craft): Not even a little bit.
Eric: And, of course, like five-foot-four girl boss, Shelley Craft next to each other.
Amanda: Rowan as they are walking toward the heliport?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): It's like— oh, we're just gonna— yeah, we— I parked in the fields, in like the backfield near the auxiliary gym.
Brandon (as Connor): That's the football field.
Amanda (as Rowan): Cool.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I'll fix it. I'll fix it. We'll fix it. It's Sunday. You guys aren't play. It's fine.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah, famously—
Amanda (as Rowan): So, uh—
Julia: —no one plays Sunday football.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): High school's on Friday. Shelley, you don't have to be rude to me in front of your friends. I'm a cool mom. It's fine. Come on, we'll go back out there.
Julia (as Craft): Please do not— you cannot call yourself my mom. You cannot call yourself my mom.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): I was saying it like in Mean Girls, my favorite movie.
Julia (as Craft): No, it doesn't matter.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): So it was a quote. I was quoting Mean Girls.
Julia (as Craft): Fuck.
Amanda (as Rowan): That came out before we were born, but Emily, I wanted to know what's your vibe on day drinking? Mimosas?
Brandon (as Connor): Rowan?
Amanda (as Rowan): Hmm?
Brandon (as Connor): Rowan, we're not 21.
Amanda (as Rowan): Hmm?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): You know, as long as I can see you, but I would definitely— this is not like a personal moral judgment. It's more of like a "don't do it before you get on the helicopter." Let's do it at brunch. That's more of a just word life advice from your cool, older sister sort of thing.
Amanda (as Rowan): No boozing before the copter, gotcha.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure, for sure.
Julia: You just see smoke emitting from Shelley all of a sudden. You're like, "Where did that come from?" And she had lit up a joint so fast.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, yeah, for sure. Let's just— yeah. Let's get in the helicopter.
Eric: So yeah, you guys walk across campus. I think Emily asks you a bunch of, like, parents asking high schooler anodyne questions, like—
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, what are you studying? What do you like who's your favorite— what do you like in the cafeteria?
Eric: You know, stuff like that. Emily Slaughter knows way too much about the school, though. So it's like— she's like—
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, what's your favorite lunch? Is it Mondays where they have the lasagna, or Wednesdays where they have the chicken fried steak? I— honestly, I like both, but I'm more of like a salad bar, sort of girly. So which I just— I know— I— we've invested a lot into making sure there's really strong, good carrots in there.
Julia (as Craft): Cool.
Brandon (as Connor): Chicken fried steak Wednesday.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, nice. No. Good, good, good, good.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Good, good, good.
Amanda: Uh, Rowan has been surreptitiously texting, um, like in her blazer pocket, and there are a lot of typos, but you guys can make out that she wrote, um—
Amanda (as Rowan): I don't actually drink alcohol. LOL. No one needs to see me do that. I was trying to see if Emily would bend the rules for a good cause. Looking promising.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And Connor texts—
Brandon (as Connor): Thank God, I was really stressing out.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): No, yeah, let's get in the helicopter. Okay. Um, first thing—
Eric: You walk up to the football field. It's next to the auxiliary gym. It is just like looming for you, Craft, just like looming as you walk up.
Julia: Like Craft ducks down really far.
Eric: Yeah. Emily Slaughter gives a wave, the helicopter starts up, and does that thing that helicopters do in movies where it starts to, like, blow out everything and, like, there's wind going everywhere. So Emily's like—
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Oh, Connor, you get on first. We have to balance the helicopter with you there.
Julia (as Craft): Connor.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Can you get on first?
Julia (as Craft): Connor, absolutely do not get on that fucking helicopter first.
Amanda: Rowan, like, koala climbs on the other side.
Julia: Craft also climbs on top of Connor.
Brandon (as Connor): What is happening here?
Julia (as Craft): We're all going to go on together.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): It's for aviation reasons? It would be easier if Connor got on first.
Julia (as Craft): No, Connor, Connor.
Amanda (as Rowan): Then the van, then the van.
Julia (as Craft): Connor, she's trying to black bag you.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh.
Amanda (as Rowan): Don't do it.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): What does that even mean? I—
Julia (as Craft): You know what it means.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Is that a reference?
Brandon (as Connor): Craft, do I need to fight your mom?
Julia (as Craft): First— fucking stop calling her my mom.
Brandon (as Connor): Hey, Craft, got you.
Julia (as Craft): First off.
Brandon (as Connor): Craft, got you. Got you.
Julia (as Craft): Fuck you. I'm trying to save your goddamn life and stop you from being kidnapped, and you're making mom jokes. Fuck you, man.
Brandon (as Connor): Do we need to fight her?
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Connor, I just— you know, Shelley, it would be really great if you took some steps back while Rowan and Connor got on the helicopter and balanced out the aviation.
Julia (as Craft): Absofuckinglutely not.
Eric: And Emily Slaughter takes a step towards you and puts your— her hand on your shoulder, and also, like, gets up in your ear and says—
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): This is part of the deal. Take a step back.
Julia (as Craft): What fucking deal? I did not make that part of the deal. Fuck that.
Eric (as Emily Slaughter): Well, part of the deal is you understanding that I know what's best for you, and I think you should take a step back.
Eric: She is trying to shift your labels.
Julia: Nah. No, absolutely not, she's not gonna shift my labels.
Eric: All right. Well, then, roll for it, my friend.
Julia: I don't even care what the labels are. She's not shifting them.
Eric: Straight up.
Brandon: Connor, by the way, is listening to all of this.
Eric: You can't— oh, god-fucking-damn it. You're right. Fuck, dude. Can you— let's do— that's great. Let's do this and then figure that out.
Julia: Bop, bop, bop, marking potential, only rolled a three, but I leveled up.
Eric: There you go.
Amanda: Hey.
Eric: On a miss, the words hit you hard, mark a condition and the GM will shift your labels.
Julia: Shit.
Eric: Oh, I'm going— oh, my friend.
Julia: I guess insecure or hopeless. Which one feels better?
Eric: Hey, either one.
Amanda: I probably say insecure.
Julia: Yeah. Not great. Not great.
Eric: I want to shift your freak up and your danger down.
Julia: Freak up, danger down.
Eric: Because you are— you're a weirdo and, you know, bad situation, and this is your parental figure, so you're a freak, and your danger— your ability to be competent is and deal with this is being slowed down. Connor, you can hear it. I forgot that was one of your powers and so did Emily Slaughter. Um—
Julia: Someone didn't research the target very well.
Eric: No, she thought she knew it because she got ahead of it.
Amanda: Overconfidence has taken down many a girl boss.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Hey, yeah, why don't you pierce the mask? I want to see what happens because of that.
Brandon: Love it.
Amanda: I love Masks.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: Brandon?
Brandon: A two plus three plus zero for a, five.
Eric: That's a five, and unfortunately, we have nothing in the team pool, so we can't do it. I think you were straining so hard to overhear what Emily Slaughter is saying to Craft that you don't see the 20 besuited agents who tumble out of the helicopter that all have their ray guns pointed on you, surrounding you.
Eric (as Heroes for Hire Goon): Connor Lyons, if you know what's best for you, you will come quietly and quickly into the helicopter. We just want to know what happened to your aunt.
Brandon: Are these besuited pursuers?
Eric: Yes, they're besuited pursuers.
Amanda: Besuited pursuers.
Julia: Besuited pursuers.
Amanda: Rowan is going to take a step forward and gathers herself, and charges up her flares. Okay. That's a six on the dice, plus three conditions for a nine.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: So I mark a condition and hold three burn.
Eric: That's four conditions for you now.
Julia: Jesus.
Amanda: Four conditions. I am angry, so that's the condition we're adding right now, and I have three burn. Excellent. She is going to use the flare moat.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: So I'm gonna create a barrier that will hold back threats as long as I keep my attention on it. The GM may call for me to spend another burn of the barriers, threatened by particularly powerful enemies. And so specifically this barrier, I am going to put it in between the agents, the helicopter, and ideally Emily and the three of us. I don't know if Craft is standing closer to us than Emily, but regardless, I'm going to focus on the agents in the helicopter.
Eric: I think you either need to put both of them in the moat, or you got to keep both of them out, because Emily has intentionally walked and put her hand on Craft's shoulder.
Amanda: Both out, then.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I'll put them both between—
Eric: Okay, both out.
Amanda: —the three of us, Emily, and the suited people and the helicopter.
Eric: Incredible. So the last page of this episode's comic focuses on Rowan pushing out this gravity bubble, protecting Connor, the 20 agents, Emily Slaughter, and Craft on the outside, and of course, the helicopter still whirring behind. Tune in next episode where we see if Connor is taken by a clandestine hero organization?
Brandon: No.
Julia: Woo.
Brandon: No. No.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: Not on my watch.
Eric: I wish more Batman episodes ended with Batman going,
Oh, no."
Brandon: "Oh, no."
Eric: "Not again."
Amanda: "Oh, nuts."
[theme]