BLOOP! BLOOP! Let’s take some time to catch our breath after midterms. Luckily there’s a Good Job Surviving festival going down out on the main quad. You should come through!
We’re playing Masks for this campaign! You can access a running list of all the NPCs from Campaign 4 here.
Sponsors
- Cornbread Hemp, USDA-certified organic CBD products grown in Kentucky. Use code jointheparty for 25% off your order at cornbreadhemp.com
Find Us Online
- website: https://jointhepartypod.com
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer (Connor Lyons): Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, Editor (Shelley Craft): Julia Schifini
- Co-Host, Co-Producer (Rowan Rosen): Amanda McLoughlin
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign: the drama and excitement of a superhero high school! Or marathon our completed stories: Campaign 3 for a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, the Camp-Paign for a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: Hey, all you super friends. You want to get good together? You want to skip math together? You want to punch bad guys together? It's not that I haven't used my words, it's that nobody listens to me and I can shoot fire. 1, 2, 3, 4.
[theme]
Eric: So here's my big question, Amanda and Julia, did you listen to the first episode of Midterms!!!!?
Julia: Yeah. Yeah, we did.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah, we did.
Eric: Hmm. Oh, how do you— and do you have any thoughts?
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Eric: Yeah. Do you remember how many times, during that recording, when we did that episode, I said, "Wow, this is the first time I'm seeing Brandon today."?
Julia: I don't recall that offhand.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Cool.
Julia: But it does make sense now, huh?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: It's also something that Eric would just say, you know? Like, it's weird enough thing that Eric would just be like, "Man, it's first time I'm seeing Brandon today."
Eric: Wow. The first time I'm seeing all of you today. That's crazy.
Amanda: Wild. This
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Brandon: This is also the first time I've seen all three of you today, so what do I mean by that?
Julia: Who can say?
Brandon: Who can say?
Eric: Same. This is the first time I've played Masks today.
Brandon: Huh.
Julia: Huh.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: It's really giving somebody saying, "You're my favorite sister," but you only have one.
Julia: That's my mother saying, "Jake's my favorite son-in-law." I'm like, "Yep, and he's the only one you're gonna get."
Eric: I think the cover of this episode, we'll figure out the title as it goes through of Join the Party campaign—
Julia: Because it's a new arc, right? New arc.
Eric: Yeah, it's a new arc. It's a new arc.
Amanda: Hey.
Brandon: New arc, same me.
Eric: There has to be, like, a superhero Table of Elements, right? Periodic Table of superhero elements. And, you know, there's this Batmanium and—
Julia: Raritanium.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Raritanium.
Julia: Adamantium.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: All the iums.
Eric: Where do you want to put yourself on the big superhero Periodic Table of Elements?
Amanda: Bottom right. All the new weirdos. Bottom right.
Julia: I'm a secret noble gas, so top right.
Eric: Wow.
Amanda: Julia, you're a noble gas.
Brandon: Secret noble gas.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: What's the most poisonous one? I'm that one.
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia: Brandon, fully going, "I'm the toxic one of the group."
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You're— you put yourself next to the elements that are named after countries.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: I just tried to come up with a fake country in my head, and my brain said, "Titanium. Amanda, that's simply a metal."
Julia: That is a metal.
Brandon: So apparently, polonium is the most radioactive metal, so I'm gonna go ahead and be that.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Ever since Hamlet, I knew Polonius was no good.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Why he hiding behind there?
Amanda: Why are you behind that Iris, Polonius?
Brandon: Why are you hiding?
Julia: That's why he gets stabbed.
Amanda: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Eric: I talked to my mentor, Xenon, and said, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Yay! The joke torch got lit.
Eric: There it is. I'm an English teacher. I know that stuff.
Brandon: Xenon, the warrior princess?
Eric: Yeah, there you go. Good job, Brandon.
Amanda: Brandon: it's no longer Pride Month, but I really appreciate you seeing us.
Brandon: Guys, I don't think I've really dealt with, in therapy, the fact that I grew up really engaged in, like, Xena and Charmed, and the fact that I am clearly a bisexual woman.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, you are.
Amanda: I love that for you.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: God made you to be the straight cis partner of a bisexual woman.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: Beautiful.
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Okay. Hey, so we're done with midterms, and I'm a benevolent teacher. So, like, we're just gonna watch the Digimon movie and say it's English literature, because—
Brandon: Yay!
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Yay!
Eric: —it's based on Hamlet in some sort of way, I guess.
Julia: Probably.
Eric: So I wanted to know, you know, the school's closed after midterms because there's a whole, like, teacher development day. They go to, like, Venus and punch Venus Nazis.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Eric: But, like— but it's world build— it's team building.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: No. World building was with— if I would go, that would be fun. But if the teachers go, it's team building.
Brandon: Right, right, right. Yeah.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Here's an interesting question, which I haven't thought about. Like, what do kids at boarding schools do during teacher development days? Because ordinarily, they just kind of stay home, but I guess you just kind of hang out in the dorms.
Julia: Maybe some of them who can go home do go home. But I imagine that there is maybe a post-midterm ritual for the kids who stay on campus.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Maybe there's like a, you know, campus barbecue.
Brandon: Oh, that'd be fun.
Eric: Oh, that's good.
Amanda: Love it.
Julia: Campus Field Day, Campus Field Day with a blow up slide situation.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Well, who is putting on the field day if all the teachers are gone, Julia?
Julia: The seniors, the seniors run it. The senior, like, class president and the class government does it.
Brandon: Ah. That's fun. I like that.
Eric: If you're going to Venus to punch up space Nazis, I think some teachers want to stay home, because that feels onerous a little bit.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: It's like, "Oh, this planet doesn't even have a ground. What are we doing?"
Julia: And we also know that the Mad Magistrator is also still on campus, so there's at least some staff still on campus.
Brandon: Supposedly, supposedly.
Amanda: True.
Brandon: I've never seen them.
Eric: Yeah. Harvey Withers stays.
Julia: Of course.
Eric: Harvey Withers is banning the largest grill you've ever seen.
Brandon: Oh, is he wearing, like, shorts on a Hawaiian shirt?
Eric: Yeah, but his trench coat is over it.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Really good.
Julia: Astral glizzies.
Brandon: Astral glizzies.
Eric: She looks at Rowan and gives her the most burnt hotdog you've ever seen in your life.
Amanda (as Rowan Miriam Rosen): I can't eat that, man.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Sorry. I must have lost your registration for a kosher meal.
Eric: And gives you a shitty look.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, small buns again for me.
Julia: Are any hamburgers for Rowan?
Amanda: No, Julia, they're all cheeseburgers.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: It's really sad.
Eric: Yeah. No, I love Field Day. Field Day is great. Yeah, some teachers are staying back, some staff are staying back. But I think there's a— yeah, this is— what do we call this? Like, this is just like the fall barbecue. Do we say as far away from the word midterm as possible or do we embrace it?
Amanda: You know what, Eric? I think it is the Water's Edge version of the, like, pre-Thanksgiving, you know, family meal. I think it's like the Harvest Festival, like autumn.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: You know, real full, like autumnal theming here.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Can— I love that, Amanda. Can I completely opposite of that? The phrase that came into my head when Eric said that, which is, "Mid-terminal velocity."
Eric: Thank you. That's exactly what I was talking about. Do we call it the Harvest Festival and not acknowledge it's right after midterms? Or do we say we defeated midterms and then we move on?
Amanda: The second one, the second one. I think mid-terminal velocity is 100% it. And Julia, what you just did, it's not a yes, banana. It's not a no, but. It's a, what if an orange?
Julia: There you go. What if an orange?
Amanda: What if orange?
Brandon: What if it's like a game where, like, the first person to call it midterm velocity gets punched, or, like, gets their plate knocked down out of their hands? And then after that, everyone can just call it midterm velocity, you know?
Eric: Yes, no one can call it— or you— the first person to say that word, "Midterm," gets punched. I like that.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Or their chips crushed, you know?
Eric: You get thrown on the mid— I was— I'm thinking about this term mid-terminal pyre something. That's the best I can do.
Amanda: We all reached mid-terminal velocity, and now we're out on the other side. We're out of the extruder. We're out of the— Brandon, what's the physics thing that's, like, two miles long? That.
Julia: The hadron collider or whatever the fuck?
Amanda: There you go.
Brandon: Yeah, the collider.
Julia: The particle collider.
Eric: Amanda, can you say that, like Voidie-Lynn explaining how mid-terminal velocity is to you?
Amanda (as Voidie-Lynn): Well, the thing is that after you reach the highest philosophy you possibly can, well, you got to go somewhere after that, you know? And it's like a water slide, which I would never do, because it's low-class, but if you went on it. And then at the end, there was a big leap, then you hit the top, and then you sort of suspend there for a minute, and then you fall. And so instead of fall and splat on our faces, because all those plebeians who don't have gravity powers, they would just fall and break all the bones. Instead, I suggest that we have a soft landing, that we have a mid-terminal velocity celebration, festival, get-together, field day, where people can put on athleisure and look hot while pretending to do physical activities.
Eric: Voidie-Lynn explaining something that already exists. Incredible. Rowan is getting a 95 in physics, but all of your papers say, "Please have a more scientific tone."
Amanda: "Show your work."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's like, "What does this mean? Why are there heart doodles everywhere when you do physics?"
Julia: Why is every eye dotted with a heart?"
Amanda (as Rowan): The particles feel that way, man. I don't know what to tell you. You can't feel the particles? That's not my problem.
Eric (as Physics professor): In the 31st century, we don't put hearts over our eyes.
Eric: That's your physics professor from the 31st century.
Julia: Oh, they're from the future.
Amanda (as Rowan): What if, to me, electrons is heart-shaped?
Brandon: Whoa.
Julia: What if?
Brandon: What if?
Eric (as Physics professor): We got good enough microscopes and we realize they are not heart-shaped. We know that definitively in the 31st century.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, nuts.
Julia: Fair enough.
Eric: Well, since the festival is going on, folks, I wanted to know, since a lot of stuff has been going on, is there anything your characters want to do on campus, where most of the students are assembled and there are some staff around?
Amanda: Rowan would like to look in Wordsmith's office.
Eric: Ooh. Okay.
Julia: Porque?
Eric: Interesting. Well, it's funny you say that because Wordsmith is not there. Wordsmith is, obviously, leading the team building. I can't remember if we made this person already, but like, the office staff are all gone or jumping on a bouncy castle at the moment.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: In the shape of a— of an A plus.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Which I think is nice.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: So yeah, you could totally— you could sneak up there if you want. What are you looking for, Rowan?
Amanda: Sorry, headcanon, Frög is using the plus as a lily pad and not letting anybody else jump on it. Just want to put that out there.
Julia: Rude.
Amanda: Rowan wants to see if the door is unlocked. And I think I'm gonna kind of pretend I have heat stroke and refuse to take off my blazer, which would explain why I'm so hot right now on this, like, weirdly, sunny, and warm fall day. And just kind of, like, amble inside, stop by the nurse's office for some like, you know, off-brand Gatorade, and then just kind of wander slowly, looking as if she's lost, up to Wordsmith's office and try the handle, kind of half-hoping it is locked.
Eric: Rowan, you're holding a bottle of sports gulp.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: And the flavor is green.
Amanda: Oh, I was thinking green too. That's so funny.
Eric: The door is locked. No one else is around, so you can kind of, like, amble your way up there, but the door's locked.
Amanda (as Rowan): Phew. I actually kind of relieved I didn't—
Amanda (as Voidie-Lynn): Honey, I keep telling you, there's absolutely no way that there isn't information in that book about what you can do and what we could do. You gotta find a way in there.
Amanda (as Rowan): But I just— I don't think it's right to, like, go into Wordsmith's office.
Amanda (as Voidie-Lynn): Don't you think it's not right for him to keep from you the limits of your potential? You've been here since you were 11 years old, Rowan. You think that if he's not raising you to know all the things you should do, that you're not gonna find out from someone more dangerous? You better learn how to do it here at home. Come on, we know how to pick a lock.
Eric: No, drink in the house. It's safer if you drink in the house.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda (as Rowan): I just— I don't know. For some reason, I just— I feel like if the door was open, then it would be okay. But if the door is not open, it wouldn't be okay. And—
Amanda: I think Rowan's leaning on the door. Does it open with pressure?
Eric: No. But I think if you do something, if you want to pick a lock, I'd let you roll with mundane.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: If you wanted to try to do something without super powers.
Brandon: Well, I was gonna say, the way the locks work usually, is that they have pins that need to be pushed up. So, I mean, you just reverse gravity a little bit on those pins.
Eric: You could definitely— yeah. Yeah. I mean, you could definitely unleash your powers, for sure. I don't know what's gonna happen next, necessarily.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I don't know how you're gonna get this lock open. But if you want to pick a lock, like Voidie-Lynn said, I'd let you unleash your— quote-unquote, unleash your powers plus mundane.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: If you don't want to be a gentleman, super-powered thief.
Amanda: I think Rowan's gonna sit there with her head in her hands for a minute, and then pull a notebook out of her pocket, and scribble a note on it that says—
Amanda (as Rowan): Principal wordsmith, I need to see you urgently, signed, Rowan.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: Slip it under the door.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Thanks for letting me do a scene with myself. It's really hard.
Brandon: And then a monster hand takes the piece of paper from under the door.
Amanda: Ah!
Brandon: And it's spooky.
Eric: Someone opens the door, but it's a monkey's paw, and there's—
Amanda: Ah!
Eric: —only three fingers up.
Amanda: Dev Patel, what are you doing here?
Eric: Connor, Craft, any thoughts— I have to remind myself. I'm like, "Only Emily Slaughter calls you Shelley. No one else calls you Shelley."
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Can't do that anymore. Connor, Craft, any things you want to do? Connor, are you even on campus? This is probably, like, the first Monday after midterms. Midterms probably takes a week, so I don't even know.
Brandon: Yeah, I was gonna say I'd either be with Anita at home, or maybe I invited Anita to Field Day because it's fun.
Eric: You can try to invite her if you want to.
Julia: You said Anigra when you said that.
Brandon: No.
Julia: Yeah, I—
Brandon: I said Anita.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: No, Julia.
Julia: I just want to make sure you have a clean take, just in case I’m right.
Brandon: No, Julia, I'm perfect. I think because it is the first Monday and we're sort of, like, trying to get back into a rhythm of life, I think Connor thought that, like, Field Day is fun. Maybe I invited Anita to Field Day, and I unleashed my powers to invite her to Field Day, Eric.
Eric: You unleash the monster to invite her to Field Day?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Have you been staying in her apartment for the entire time since we last saw you?
Brandon: Definitely. Yeah, I've been making her meals and stuff. They're not good meals, but I made them.
Amanda: What's your go-to?
Eric: There's a lot of montages of you making meals for her, very much like Link in Breath of the Wild of it going [video game cooking noise] and sometimes it's gross. And sometimes it's like an egg or waffle.
Brandon: Yeah. And she's— you know, over the days, I think she's kind of sitting up more and more in bed, wearing more and more like— she strikes me as someone who has pajama sets.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Classy.
Eric: You know?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So we're going from, like, hospital gown to— of you putting her in whatever T-shirt and sweatpants you can find, to her actually wearing bed clothes. She's getting to the point where she's wearing like a silk pajama suit, pantsuit.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: With a sleeping cravat.
Brandon: That's nice.
Julia: Match.
Brandon: And my go-to, Amanda, to answer your question is two poached eggs on the plate, and then I take a knife, and I cut a little smile out of toast, and then it's a little smiley face.
Amanda: You can poach eggs?
Brandon: What?
Julia: Connor has the ability to poach eggs, I think Amanda is shocked by.
Brandon: Do you mean Connor or do you mean his people?
Amanda: Connor. Obviously, Brandon, you're a little cuisine freak. You know how to poach an egg.
Julia: But does teen boy Connor know how to poach an egg and poach an egg well?
Brandon: Am I crazy? I feel like that was an easy thing for me when I was, like— I did that all the time.
Amanda: You're a cuisine freak.
Brandon: Am I crazy?
Amanda: We covered this.
Julia: Took me a little bit to learn how to poach an egg, I'll say that.
Brandon: Maybe I just learned quickly because I love them so much.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: The way you said that, Amanda, was like, "Connor perfectly knows how to make matcha lattes. He has ceremonial—"
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: "—grade matcha that he mixes up."
Amanda: I think, you know, Connor temper chocolate in his spare time. Oh, my God.
Eric: Yeah, it comes out glassy every time. It's crazy.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: So, yeah, I think it's the next Monday. Anita is sitting fully up in bed. There's, like, 17 pillows behind her. She's wearing a, like, taupe on taupe, on pinstripe taupe silk pantsuit.
Brandon: It's got a— like a blazer and everything?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, silk with a silk blazer. And, like, a really skinny tie, but it's silk for sleeping. She already has, like, two different laptops up on two different stacks of pillows, covering the bed. The bed has a bunch of folders splayed out on top of it, pens, pencils, all of that stuff, as you bring over another poached egg.
Brandon (as Connor Lyons): Here's your poached eggs and smile.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Well, I see it on the plate, but I I'm not seeing it in the second plate. By the plate, I mean your face.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, watch this. Ready?
Brandon: And then he takes a knife and he stabs the two eggs. And he's like—
Brandon (as Connor): Now, they're— now, it's like a horror movie. Oh.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Oh, it's Oedipus eggs. Cool. Love that. That's good.
Brandon (as Connor): Uh-hmm. Yeah. This play fucked our mother.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Cool. Yeah.
Eric: She laughs hard in the way you only can do when you're feeling pretty healthy.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): No, it's good, but why— I know it's Monday again, you got to give me a smile.
Brandon (as Connor): Ah.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Oh, that's the fake smile sound you make when you're doing this fake smile.
Brandon (as Connor): Ah.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): You know, I'm feeling fine now, Connor. It's okay. I've already sent 20 emails since we started this conversation.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't think I've sent 20 emails in my life.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): And I'm—
Eric: And she takes your transparent face in her hands, and be like—
Eric (as Anita Tigre): And I hope you never do. I hope it's a better world for you. This is what I'm doing. This is all for you, so you never have to email.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, if you're feeling up to it, there's the Field Day at school today. Might be like some kettle corn, maybe like a fun slide or something. Maybe something to get out of the house.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Yeah. For sure. You should totally go.
Brandon (as Connor): No, you come with me, is what I'm saying.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Why would I go to your— I can't go to your school. I have work.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay. I was just asking.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Listen, I was— Connor, I was gone for a long time. I gotta get back on top of this. If I'm not sending emails at a rate of 25 emails every five minutes, I'm behind. That's me trying to get out from underneath it. But I— hey.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): But you— I'm glad you want to go, because you need to show your face at school.
Brandon (as Connor): No, I don't. I mean, no, it's a day off, like we don't have to be there. I was just— I'm happy to stay here with you. I just thought you might want a day off, you know?
Eric (as Anita Tigre): And I thought you might want a day off from taking care of me, which I don't need anymore.
Brandon (as Connor): No.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): So there you go.
Brandon (as Connor): I'm good. Did you figure out, by the way, what happened, or have we not sent enough emails yet? Just, like, curious.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): You know, I'm getting some— I'm gonna have to go into the office to get the official readings, because they're, you know, top secret. I guess you can't say it's top secret. That's brand— that's copyrighted by the government. They are extremely secret, but, you know, there's some ideas I— it's— I don't remember a lot, but I think that means that I was, like, pulled out of reality for a little while. I don't know. I'm not exactly sure, but I am feeling better. That's good.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, did you get in trouble about the, you know, let's say— what's inform—
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Oh, telling you—
Brandon (as Connor): How do you say information backwards?
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Telling you about the Jaguar girl.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Yes. Yes, I did, but honestly, I—
Brandon (as Connor): Of me.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): No, that's good. That's good. Honestly, I— they care more than I'm back because no one had health insurance there for 10 days, so— without me, so that was kind of important.
Julia: That is a broken system.
Brandon (as Connor): Whoa.
Amanda: That's bad. Shouldn't be like that.
Brandon: That's America. [sings comedic song]
Eric: I'm rewatching Mad Men right now, and I'm like, "Yeah, this is like Joan in the office, like nothing would exist without her being there."
Julia: I mean, it's a fucked up work environment if you're, you know, pulled out of existence for 10 days, and everything falls apart around you, and you're expected to go back to work the minute you get pulled back into reality. Like that's fucked up.
Amanda: So true. Do better. Do better.
Brandon: Do better.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): You know, I mean, Connor, it's one of you— this is one of these things that you have to do as an adult, is that if they think I'm having a problem, then they can't rely on me anymore. And then they'll find ways to get me out of my job, so I gotta— I have to do it.
Brandon (as Connor): I understand.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): You know what we always say is that we— you have to work as hard as possible to be indispensable, and that's a full-time job.
Julia: This is all such bad advice, people at home.
Amanda: Eric, this is really beautifully played, but I hate this so much.
Eric: This is in reference to other things she said throughout the podcast. Don't worry about it.
Brandon (as Connor): I saw that. Yeah, you crocheted that on a pillow while you were sitting down bored, but yeah, I get it. So do you want— what do you want for lunch? Like a PBJ, I could do.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): I want to order my own lunch, which I can do. Would— can I show you something—
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): —that might make you feel better?
Brandon (as Connor): I feel fine, but sure.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Okay.
Eric: Anita sits up in bed, and she kind of wiggles her fingers at you, like she's a child's magician. She goes—
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Ooh. Alakazam. What if I made my own PB and J?
Eric: And then you hear the cupboard open, and then the peanut butter and the jelly in there come kind of like Sorcerer's Apprentice out. It like, "Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop," and just kind of, like, bop over to her.
Brandon (as Connor): How are you doing this? You don't have powers. What the fuck is happening?
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Here's another way to be indispensable, is you wake up with powers.
Brandon (as Connor): What the fuck?
Eric (as Anita Tigre): I thought this would make you feel better. I feel like it's the— I feel like I did the opposite thing.
Brandon (as Connor): No, it did the opposite thing. It made me very scared.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): It's all I— I mean, all I can do is peanut butter and jelly. I can't, you know, assemble it. I'm gonna have to assemble it with my real hands. So that's the limit. That's my limit at the moment.
Amanda: I love her.
Brandon (as Connor): That's good, I guess.
Julia: That's wild.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): So I'm fine, and I can protect myself. You should go. You cannot be my caretaker. You are 17. I remember your birthday. I just don't remember your— you're the age of you. It's fine. I'm losing my high ground. Go to school, my teenaged ward.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Brandon: And then Connor winks and he goes downstairs and just turns on the TV.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): And we are not— and if you go to school, we're not going to talk about the fact that you're going to the After Midterm Festival, and definitely didn't do your midterms. Okay? If you go to school, we won't talk about that, right?
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Eric: Anita would like to shift your mundane up and your savior down, because you are not always going to protect her. You are a teenage boy.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Rude. Rude.
Amanda: It's good boundaries, Anita. Love you.
Julia: Accept it anyway, Brandon.
Brandon: Rude. I accept.
Eric: Okay.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Go to school.
Brandon: I'm not gonna go to school, though.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Go to school.
Brandon (as Connor): No, it's a day off. I'm gonna go sit down and watch TV in the other room.
Julia: You get a call from Craft.
Brandon: Connor pulls out his 1996 Nokia, which is valued at $4,000 on eBay as of right now.
Julia: Wow.
Brandon: And drops it and then picks it up.
Brandon (as Connor): Hello.
Julia (as Shelley Craft): Hey, Connor.
Brandon (as Connor): What up?
Julia (as Craft): Listen, there was a little—
Brandon (as Connor): Craft, are you really high?
Julia (as Craft): There was a little bit of an accident in your dorm room. Sorry.
Brandon (as Connor): What?
Julia (as Craft): Just wanted to let you know for, like, when you got back. My bad.
Brandon (as Connor): What did you do in my dorm room?
Julia (as Craft): I didn't do anything. Sometimes when you're, like, dealing with drones and you don't want to do machine stuff in your room, you go to your friend's room because he's been gone for a week. And you're like, "He's not using it right now," and then they explode. And then I feel a little bit bad about that, so you have to call that person and be like, "Oh, my God, sorry, a drone exploded in your dorm room, hypothetically."
Eric: Julia, make a choice. Someone— the person messing with the drone with you in that room is either Glimmer or Cyberpunk.
Amanda: Yes, yes, yes.
Eric: You have to pick one of the two.
Julia: It's definitely Glimmer. That's funny as hell.
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh, I also and I spilled water everywhere. Sorry.
Brandon (as Connor): Who's that?
Julia (as Craft): To be fair, the water got spilled because we were putting out the fire, hypothetically.
Eric (as Glimmer): I have 128 ounce Owala water bottle, and I spilled it everywhere.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, my God, that's Glimmer, isn't it? Are you fucking with Glimmer? Are you fucking Glimmer?
Julia (as Craft): I'm not fucking Glimmer. That's weird. Sorry, Glimmer, but it's weird.
Brandon (as Connor): So when you said that you didn't—
Eric (as Glimmer): I just like that people are talking about me.
Julia (as Craft): Fair enough.
Amanda: Fair enough.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay, so when you said you didn't do anything, you meant that you did actually do something and it's your fault?
Julia (as Craft): No, I don't think I said I didn't do anything. I said hypothetically someone—
Brandon (as Connor): You— no, you specifically said, "I didn't do anything."
Julia (as Craft): Did I say that? Fuck.
Brandon (as Connor): How high are you?
Julia (as Craft): I don't know.
Eric: The drone has, like, two engines and one has exploded, but the other one's still working and whirring, and for some reason, it's speaking in French.
Julia (as Craft): Do you speak French?
Brandon (as Connor): Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Julia (as Craft): Don't— please don't say you want to sleep with me tonight. What? Bro.
Brandon (as Connor): No, I don't. clearly.
Julia (as Craft): Okay. Fuck. I gotta find someone who speaks French.
Brandon (as Connor): So do you need me, or are you just confessing your crimes like I'm a Catholic priest?
Julia (as Craft): I feel like I was gonna, you know, let you know ahead of time. I wasn't sure if you were coming back today. And if you weren't coming back today, that's not enough time to clean up this dorm rooms.
Brandon (as Connor): Well, I guess I should probably stay home, then.
Brandon: And he looks at Anita.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Go to school. What are you doing?
Eric (as drone, in French): Le danger! Le danger! Emergencee! Danger! Danger!
Brandon: Eric, don't make that face. That was so scary. Your drone face.
Eric: That was the drone. That was the face of the drone.
Brandon: It was so scary.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Anita Tigre): Go deal with your dorm, something— your friends are calling you. Go.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay, I'm gonna be there in, like, 26 minutes. I don't know how close I am. And if Glimmer's still in my dorm room in 26 minutes, I'm gonna have to, I guess, like, tell Harvey about it. I don't know.
Julia (as Craft): Okay.
Brandon (as Connor): Not about the drone thing.
Julia (as Craft): No.
Brandon (as Connor): Just about Glimmer being in my room.
Julia (as Craft): All right. Glimmer's gotta go. Glimmer, get out of here.
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh, we have 25 and a half minutes for me to be in Connor's dorm rooms.
Julia (as Craft): Goddamnit, Glimmer.
Brandon (as Connor): It's not enough time for you to fuck.
Julia (as Craft): It's— I don't want to. I need to be clear.
Eric (as Glimmer): Okay. I— let's see if I have enough time.
Eric: And then Glimmer reaches through the comic book panel and closes Connor's clam shell phone.
Brandon: It's not a clam shell, it's a brick.
Julia: Keep in mind, Craft also has a flip phone, so—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Glimmer closes both of your phones.
Amanda: God made us two fins for a reason, you know?
Brandon: That's true.
Eric: These fins are made for walking.
Eric: Well, the fire's out. That's good. Don't know how it turned French. Is that better for you and what you wanted to do with the drone?
Julia (as Craft): No. Ideally, I wanted to access its files and— I mean, I know, like, conversational French, but like, I don't know, like, what, you know, confidential files in French look like, you know?
Eric: I mean, it could be in the bibliothèque. No, that's Spanish. That's just Spanish.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. I was trying to think of—
Julia: Julia Schifini, who took six years of French, was trying to remember what the French word for library is.
Amanda: It is bibliothèque, and in Spanish, it's bibliotheca.
Julia: Yeah, it’s all good.
Brandon: Yeah, I was gonna say it's all the same language.
Julia: Yeah, true.
Amanda: It's all Latin, baby.
Eric: Glimmer doesn't know French or Spanish.
Amanda: That's fine.
Julia: I feel like, you know, there's a lot of early sci-fi that was written in French, or, like, French adjacent, so I think Craft knows a little bit of French.
Amanda: Love it.
Julia: I just also feel like a lot of villains are probably French.
Amanda: Yeah. And you know, your girl, Mary Shelley, spoke fluent French.
Julia: Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
Brandon: Whoa.
Eric: Glimmer pours the last 32 ounces of water in her giant water bottle on the drone and flops on Connor's bed.
Julia (as Craft): Okay, I'm gonna take this drone somewhere else. You should go to the bouncy house?
Brandon: 24 minutes.
Julia (as Craft): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh, I'm good. I mean, I'm just gonna, you know—
Julia (as Craft): Glimmer?
Eric (as Glimmer): And Connor— why is Connor so mad that I'm here?
Julia (as Craft): I think he's just mad in general about the situation with you and Rowan, and me. And also— you know, it's fine. Hey, it would be great if we hang out later. Can you go save me a spot in line for the blow up obstacle course?
Eric (as Glimmer): Okay.
Brandon: You already passed that one, didn't you, Craft?
Julia: Hmm?
Eric: Yeah. Blow up obstacle course.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Is that a new euphemism for sex I need to know about?
Julia: Yeah, just like sloppy egg sandwich.
Brandon: No, it's because Craft blew up a drone.
Julia: Yeah. That, too. That, too.
Eric (as Glimmer): Yeah, I guess I just don't know why he's taking it so hard. He didn't want to be— I mean, I talked to him first and he wasn't about it. Then it just so happens I'm friends with you guys more, so I just don't really get it. Like, I'm fine with the awkwardness. But if you're not, you can— you feel free to.
Julia (as Craft): It just seems like he's going through a lot right now, so I'm giving him, you know, the space to go through it, you know?
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh, because the heli— because he almost got put into that helicopter that landed on campus?
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh.
Brandon: Does the Bechdel Test count if it's a fish and a woman or—
Julia: If the woman is also a fish or if the fish is also a woman? Yes.
Eric: But before this, they talked about Portrait of a Lady on fire for, like, 20 minutes.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: So it's fine.
Eric (as Glimmer): Um, okay. I mean, if you want to talk to him like— and it wouldn't make me feel weird, so like, you know, feel free.
Julia (as Craft): All right, I'll talk to him.
Eric (as Glimmer): All right.
Julia (as Craft): Cool.
Eric (as Glimmer): I just don't want it to be weird. I'm trying it for not to be weird, but there's only so much I can, like, be cool about it.
Julia (as Craft): You can't make other people not make it feel weird, you know? They're gonna feel however they feel.
Eric (as Glimmer): Oh, but it feels bad. It feels bad when they feel weird.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Eric (as Glimmer): It feels weird.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Eric (as Glimmer): Okay.
Amanda: Very mature. Damn.
Eric (as Glimmer): Fine. All right. See you at the bouncy obstacle course.
Julia (as Craft): Hell yeah, dude.
Eric (as Glimmer): Cool.
Amanda: Julia, that was so funny.
Julia: I bet there's, like, also carnival games, you know?
Eric: Oh, I'm sure there's carnival.
Julia: Yeah. Craft's like—
Julia (as Craft): I'm gonna go win, like, a stuffed animal later, once I'm done cleaning this up.
Amanda: Who are you gonna give it to?
Julia (as Craft): For me.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia (as Craft): And then I'm gonna, like, cut it open, and then stuff all my weed in there, and then sew it back up. Put a little zipper on it.
Amanda: So that it smells even worse?
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, everybody, it's Amanda. And this midroll is brought to you by warm summer rain and the cool breeze that follows. Thank you and welcome to our newest paying patrons, Jeremiah Franco and Samantha. We really appreciate that you are making room in your budget each month to support Join the Party and hopefully other creations by independent artists that you really enjoy. Now, if you over there, out there, the non-Jeremiahs and Samanthas of the world, are thinking about becoming a patron, and you're kind of on the fence about it, and you're like, "Eh, maybe I will, maybe I won't." Great news. You can now sign up for a seven-day free trial. That means you can see how welcoming and incredible the Discord is. Soup Dumpling just got a new puppy. Her name is Tilly. Everyone is obsessed. So, you know, you can see that in the Discord. How fun Party Planning is and how easy our ad-free episodes make it to catch up on the show. So come on over and try it for yourself at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. It is a very good day to be a Multitude listener, because today, you get a brand-new podcast, y'all. That's right. We have a brand-new member show. I am so excited. It could not be more exciting to listen to. And you can now hear episodes one and two of Simple and Clean. This is a podcast where hosts Mischa Stanton, aka Editrix, who helps edit Join the Party, and Mayanna Berrin, talk about Kingdom Hearts, which is, as you may know, a video game franchise about really big feelings. It is both extremely poetic and beautiful and real, and also Goofy's there. Which is absolutely incredible. It's something I never experienced as a kid, but as somebody who was shaped by the internet and fandoms of the '90s and 2000s, it's something that I am really excited to learn about. And Mischa and Mayanna talk about the plot, characters, world-building, music, fashion, fan base, and societal impact of a thing that essentially shouldn't exist. Kingdom Hearts only exists because of a bunch of weird coincidences that you will learn about in episode one. So go on over and listen to Simple and Clean. Whether you've never heard of Kingdom Hearts before, which was like me. I was like, "There's a key and Mickey or something." You will figure it out. They are there to break it down for you. And if you are a diehard who loves Kingdom Hearts and doesn't have enough people in your life to talk about it with, you are about to meet your people. So go on into your podcast app right now, the same one you're using to listen to this, type in Simple and Clean and subscribe. New episodes every Sunday. That's right, a Sunday, because I don't know about you, but none of my podcasts come out on the weekend. So there you go. Enjoy Simple and Clean, and everybody welcome Mischa to the hosting side of Multitude, and Mayanna to our Multitude family. That's Simple and Clean. We are sponsored once again this week by Cornbread Hemp, a CBD company based in Kentucky that is USDA-Certified, organic, crowd-funded, family-owned. and absolutely wonderful. If you are looking for CBD products, like oils, gummies, or tinctures, there's beautiful— like a balm, you can rub into your skin. If, like me, you have chronic pain, that's a wonderful thing to use. All their products are grown and made in Kentucky, and they are certified by independent labs with reports published on their website. I use Cornbread Hemp. I buy it with my own money every couple of months. And they have been kind enough to create a promo code specifically for Join the Party listeners. So if you go to cornbreadhemp.com, you can use the code Join the Party for 25% off your order. That's cornbreadhemp.com and 25% off your order. The code is Join the Party. Get the THC gummies. I really like them.
[theme]
Eric: Craft, what are you doing with the drone? I know this is related to the move you got last episode.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And we were talking about how you're trying to access more of Dr. Prometheus' info. But, yeah, what are you— first of all, what are you doing? And second of all, why in Connor’s room?
Julia (as Craft): Because the last couple exploded, and Connor hasn't been here.
Eric: Hmm. Fair, fair.
Julia (as Craft): And also, I had to bring Brandon back into the scene.
Eric: Go ahead. For sure.
Julia: Also, as an aside, I want to clear my insecure, so I am taking a foolhardy action without talking to my team, which is exploding a drone in Connor's room.
Eric: Got it.
Amanda: That explains it.
Eric: Sure. Got it. Got it.
Julia: But, yeah, my— the move that I picked, with my last level up, was called, Been Reading the Files, which basically allows me to, like— it's a move from the protégé, which is all about using your mentor and your mentor's resources. However, I think using that as the Scion would be, Dr. Prometheus sent another drone, and I'm reverse hacking it so that I can get into the base files of Dr. Prometheus.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: Reverse hacking.
Brandon: Was reverse hacking just programming?
Julia: Yeah. I don't know.
Brandon: I love reverse hacking. That's great.
Julia: I don't know anything about computer science.
Eric: It's when you're hacking, but you do it upside down, like you're Spider-Man.
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: Reverse hacking can still get you pregnant.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: That's— it's true? Or is that the one version of hacking that can't get you pregnant? Who knows? Anyway, continue, Julia.
Julia: So I think that Craft is trying to gain access to these files and therefore, can, like, use them to better anticipate stuff that villains in general might throw at them.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Or just super power stuff, in general.
Eric: The drone has a final fit of energy after Glimmer pours even more water on it. There's sparks. Connor's curtain goes up in flames, and the drone pops out a little lens, and then projects a holographic map up into the ceiling.
Julia (as Craft): Okay.
Eric: It is a map of the school, kind of like a 3D map, and it's upside down because it's using Connor's ceiling, kind of as the base.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Well, it's been reverse hacked, so—
Eric: Right? Because it's—
Amanda: Hmm, true.
Eric: —reversed. Also, Connor's curtains continue to burn and—
Julia: Oh, Craft, like, uses some wind powers to just blow them out.
Brandon: But it's an oil fire, so it just spreads.
Amanda: Ahh!
Eric: The wind puts it out, but Connor's curtain rod falls off.
Julia (as Craft): Fuck.
Brandon: It was held up by, like, a screw. It's fine.
Eric: There is text on the ceiling that says, "Directions to Mad Science meetup," and the date is for today, and the time is for an hour from now.
Julia: Crazy. Crazy thing that that occurred. Wild. Absolute batshit.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Craft texts the team group chat and goes—
Julia (as Craft): You guys want to go to a Mad Science meetup?
Amanda (as Rowan): Always.
Brandon (as Connor): Is Glimmer still in my room?
Julia (as Craft): No, she's gone.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay, then, yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): Were you and Glimmer hanging out and I wasn't invited?
Julia (as Craft): You seemed really occupied trying to get a kosher hotdog, so I got distracted.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah. Like, just make some of them beef. I don't really get it.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah. No cheese, either.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah, thank you.
Julia (as Craft): Does it suck that you can't have chili cheese dogs?
Amanda (as Rowan): Nah.
Julia (as Craft): Uh-huh.
Brandon: Well, how would she— how would Rowan know, you know? If she's never had them before.
Amanda (as Rowan): This is too big of a conversation for text. Where should I meet you?
Eric: Don't boil a hotdog in his mother's milk.
Julia (as Craft): Outside Connor's room.
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm coming.
Brandon: You hear Connor before you see him, because he is stomping with all the stomps he can stomps. And the comic book just has vibrations as he's coming up the hallway and he's like—
Brandon (as Connor): Glimmer better not be in my room!
Julia: Craft is mopping in your room.
Eric: When you stomp, the artist wrote, "Passive aggressive womp," with every single one of your steps.
Brandon: And I swing open the door, and what does it look like, Julia?
Julia: It certainly looks half cleaned.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: I think that the, like, remaining pile of drone has been pushed into a corner. And I feel like— so it's like Connor's bedding got partially singed, but Craft had the foresight to find alternate bedding, and then the rest is kind of in the hamper.
Brandon: Nice, nice, nice.
Julia: It is partially mopped.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: And Craft has pulled out a magic eraser to handle the singeing on the opposite wall. And she goes—
Julia (as Craft): I haven't gotten to that part yet.
Eric: I love you magic erasing just this, like, explosion spot in the middle of Connor's room.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Amanda: Games are fun.
Brandon: Connor looks around and goes—
Brandon (as Connor): You want a Twinkie?
Brandon: And he opens up his desk drawer and pulls out the box of Twinkies and unwrapped one.
Julia (as Craft): Yes, yes, I would.
Brandon (as Connor): Great.
Brandon: Hands one to Craft.
Julia (as Craft): How's Anita doing?
Brandon (as Connor): I mean, she kicked me out, so—
Julia (as Craft): So good.
Brandon (as Connor): —good, I guess. I don't know.
Julia (as Craft): Back to her normal self.
Brandon (as Connor): I mean, doesn't really kick me out that often. Seems kind of hurtful when I'm just trying to help. But I'm not— I'm choosing to not thinking about that right now.
Julia (as Craft): Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And he's unwrapping a third Twinkie for Rowan when she appears.
Julia (as Craft): Cool.
Amanda (as Rowan): There's no animal products in this at all.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, you're here.
Amanda (as Rowan): So I can eat it.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah, thanks.
Eric: We skip forward to the panel where Rowan says, "There's no animal products in this." So, yeah, now the three of you are looking at this 3D map. It is upside down. Connor— remember Connor's ceiling is kind of like the base, and now you're seeing like a 3D— a hollow light 3D printed map of the campus. There is no other information on here. There's, like, no X marks the spot. Like it doesn't say where the meeting is.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And all you have is the date, the time, and just the map.
Brandon: Connor slaps the Twinkie out of Rowan's hand real quick and says—
Brandon (as Connor): Shit! It has tallow in it. Get it out of there.
Julia (as Craft): Damn.
Brandon: It does.
Julia: Damn.
Amanda (as Rowan): Shit.
Brandon (as Connor): So, yeah, can you tell me what's going on? What happened?
Julia (as Craft): So my dad sent another drone, and I figured, "Hey, I might as well get use out of these drones." So I tried to— I said reverse hack it and then Glimmer gave me a look that told me that that's not a thing.
Amanda (as Rowan): I understand completely.
Brandon (as Connor): No, I— that is a thing. Glimmer is wrong—
Julia (as Craft): Okay.
Brandon (as Connor): —in everything, so—
Julia (as Craft): And so then it partially exploded, then it started speaking French, and then it fully exploded, and then it started projecting this, and it's for today in, like, 40 minutes. And I guess I want to figure out where this is and what's going on with it. And also it'd be cool if we could sneak in with some cool villain disguises and then see what the Mad Science Meetup is looking like.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh. Oh, I like that idea.
Julia (as Craft): Kind of fun.
Brandon (as Connor): Kind of fun.
Amanda (as Rowan): I've been thinking about it, and I'm ready to try a costume. I think it would really help me, like, feel as if I'm having an alter ego, but in a way that is not fully schism in my personality.
Julia (as Craft): Sick.
Brandon (as Connor): I like it.
Amanda (as Rowan): Cool.
Brandon (as Connor): What do you— what are you imagining?
Julia (as Craft): Lab coats, cool goggles.
Brandon (as Connor): Cool.
Julia (as Craft): Top hat for Connor.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah. Or like a Victorian era cloak, you know?
Julia (as Craft): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Connor): Or both.
Amanda (as Rowan): That's perfect.
Julia (as Craft): I think you might need a— wait, Connor. What if we—
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): —gave you full Invisible Man vibes?
Brandon (as Connor): Isn't he just invisible?
Julia (as Craft): No. He's, like, wrapped up in bandages.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh.
Julia (as Craft): You know what I mean?
Brandon (as Connor): Well, I did and then—
Brandon: Connor remembers back to when he was inventing Connor and specifically was like—
Brandon (as Connor): I don't— I should not do this, because that's ripping off the Invisible Man.
Julia (as Craft): But I think that works for a one-time costume.
Brandon (as Connor): You can wrap me in toilet paper like a mummy.
Julia (as Craft): No, I feel like we have fir— a lot of first aid kits, simply on this floor of the dorm.
Amanda (as Rowan): Connor, think about— thinking about sweating even a little bit. Not good, not good.
Julia (as Craft): Not good.
Brandon (as Connor): That's true, but also absorbent.
Amanda (as Rowan): No.
Brandon (as Connor): Maybe?
Julia (as Craft): But then too wet, too quick.
Amanda (as Rowan): I don't know what kind of four or five-ply toilet paper Anita is buying, but that's not how we roll here at WE.
Julia (as Craft): Uh-hmm. So hold on. Gotta figure out where on this map Mad Science made up is.
Julia: And it's of the school, right, Eric?
Eric: Yes, it is of the school. They— for some reason, they took extra care to really render the atrium when that says, "Water's Edge Academy," and the H— what is it? The PJ Law Body official atrium?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: They—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: So it's very clear. You kind of spin it around, you can see it's a— it's definitely of the school with the front side.
Julia: Okay. There must be like an app or a map of the school on the website.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Is it a one-to-one to the map that I'm looking at or is there, like, a new building that appeared in the drone projection?
Eric: Oh, that's a good question.
Amanda: Smart.
Eric: I think we're at the point where we're trying to assess the situation here.
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Yeah, I think so.
Eric: So why don't you roll plus superior, unless you have some conditions that say other— that makes it harder?
Julia: Not for that.
Eric: Nice.
Julia: [dice roll] I'm gonna level up. I'm gonna go ahead and level up.
Eric: Oh, God.
Julia: Wait, no, hold on. Wait, superior?
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: Superior.
Julia: I just rolled a seven, because my superior is plus three right now.
Eric: Wow.
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah.
Julia: Oh, close.
Eric: Good thing you have a big ass head right now. Good job.
Julia: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Plus seven. You can ask me one question, what here can I use to blank? What here is the biggest threat? What here is the biggest danger? Who here is the most vulnerable to me? How could we best end this quickly? You could also ask some more specific questions towards what exactly you're looking at if you want.
Julia: I think— can I ask the question that posed the assess the situation prompt? Which was, is there something here on the regular map that isn't on the projected map or vice versa?
Eric: Yeah, there definitely is. That's a really good point. There is a trailer that is assigned if you can— like, you can say enhance really loudly and it zooms in on the 3D rendering. There is a trailer that is assigned as temporary instrument rehearsal space.
Julia: TERS.
Brandon: I was like, "Yeah, does that spell something?"
Amanda: "Hey, yo, baby, you want to meet me in TERS tonight??"
Brandon: "Oh, did you get you get inters, too, in TERS?
Amanda: "Yo, what base did you get to in TERS?"
Eric: "Yeah, I sweet talked Mr. McGillicuddy, and he didn't give me detention, but I have to clean TERS."
Amanda: Aw.
Eric: "I gotta clean up TERS." Yeah, there's TERS and that is not on the school website.
Julia: Okay.
Julia (as Craft): I have a feeling that maybe it's here, because this map is so specific, and then also that's the only thing that doesn't match, baby.
Brandon (as Connor): I love a secret building. Um, let me just—
Brandon: Connor pokes it, like it's a touch screen.
Amanda: Rowan pushes him away and looks closer at the map. Do I see any—
Julia: Amanda go, "Shut the fuck up, Brandon."
Amanda: Any passages or entry ways or connections to Wordsmith's office that I didn't see before?
Eric: Ooh, that's a good question, Rowan.
Julia: Ooh, baby.
Brandon: Ooh, baby.
Eric: You— so you can assess the situation. Remember—
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: —Julia, you get plus one if you act on that, if something happens.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So you're assessing the situation, you're gonna ask a different question, but then you'll get plus one to different bits.
Amanda: Okay, okay, okay.
Brandon: So, Eric, this is where you say that when I pressed the— when I touched it, like, became like a touch screen that, like, gave me all the information to the end of the campaign and I win?
Eric: Your hand felt— went numb for a second. It's a good thing that Rowan pushed you out of the way, honestly.
Julia: Connor's hand suddenly becomes normal, human flesh again for just a moment.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Wild. I love this, like, glitching of Connor's body back to standard. Okay. I rolled a three plus one, minus two, so it is a two.
Brandon: OH, no.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: It is a two.
Julia: Mark your potential, girlfriend.
Amanda: Thank you. I will.
Eric: Rowan, you step in— you push Connor out of the way, and you get the full view of the map. And just as soon as you step forward, the hollow light projection is unable to hold itself. And let's contrast this to Coach Boneman not being able to hold her form. At the same time, the hollow light projection cannot hold itself together, and it is glitchy. If you want to look at this map again, you would have to do it now, and it would be harder to use. And this thing is going to disappear.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: Unless, you know, something changes.
Amanda (as Rowan): Shit! God.
Amanda: And Rowan's gonna leave the room.
Julia (as Craft): Oh.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh.
Julia (as Craft): Shit.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay. I'll have your Twinkie, then.
Amanda: In fact, what she's gonna do first is punch the wall, and I think she's gonna make a hole, not like a punch the fist hole, but like a gravitational— her knuckles don't even touch, but the wall ripples. And suddenly, you see all of the stucco and Sheetrock on the wall crumble.
Eric: Oh, that's incredible.
Brandon: Oh, no, that's so scary.
Julia: Craft goes—
Julia (as Craft): I magic erased that and everything. Fuck!
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just— this keeps happening, and I don't know why.
Eric: The rendering— the artist rendering of Rowan punching the wall, not making contact, and then just the, "Pfff," like the splitting of everything on the wall, cracking, and then it all falling down, is worth at least a few panels. Love that.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda (as Rowan): I'm sorry, Connor. I'll figure it out. I just— I need a minute. I need a minute.
Brandon (as Connor): I didn't pay for this wall. I don't care. Well, hide my— I'll hide my stuff in there now. I don't have anything to hide. I don't know what I'm talking about. Rowan, you okay?
Amanda (as Rowan): I don't really understand why that stuff happened with Coach Boneman, and I thought it was maybe because she hated me or something. And now it is happening again with this thing, and it makes me feel like there's parts of me that I don't understand, and someone knows about— and they're not telling me about, and I don't know what to do. I almost—
Amanda: She, like, checks the door. I think she's kind of, like, half in, half out of the room, like deciding whether to go or stay, closes the door again. I think some more pieces of Sheetrock fall. She's like—
Amanda (as Rowan): I walked by Wordsmith's office today, and I thought about breaking in to look at that big book on the pedestal and to see if there's something in it about me. And, like, that's not right. And I shouldn't have done that and I feel like I should just tell him and take, like, detention or, like a demotion or something, but I don't know what to do.
Julia (as Craft): Dude, you can't get punished for a thing that you thought about doing.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, that's called thought crime.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): And that's only— that only happens with that one villain cadre.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): Who is called the min—
Amanda: The Orwellians?
Brandon: I was gonna say the Minority Reports, but yeah, that, too.
Amanda: Sorry. Shit. That's better, better.
Julia: Both of them are good.
Eric: The Minority Reporters is a cooperative media company—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —where they all can see the future, so that's how they get breaking news before everyone else and there are kajillionaires.
Brandon: Wow.
Amanda: Eric, are you telling me—
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: —digital media pays in 2020— 2030x?
Eric: Only if you can see the future. That's it.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: But only— yeah, we're not— but they're— you know, we're not— no one's sure if them knowing the future changes the present, so if their readings were actually accurate, or if they just—
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: —made them, you know, happen because they said it. Who knows?
Eric: Yeah. And honestly, it's just actually better data mining. That's the scary part.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: That they send you commercials for things you don't even know you need.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Wow.
Brandon: Wow.
Julia: I think Craft, like, puts a hand on Rowan's shoulder, as we often do, and goes—
Julia (as Craft): Listen, I don't know shit about my powers, either. And, yeah, that's really fucking weird and scary. And talking to an adult did not help the last time I was concerned—
Amanda (as Rowan): Thank you.
Julia (as Craft): —about that. But you got us, and we can figure this shit out together.
Eric: Does anyone want to comfort or support each other, or does—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —Rowan want to share a vulnerability?
Julia: I want to comfort and support Rowan here.
Eric: Okay, let's start with that.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Comfort and support, roll plus mundane.
Julia: Negative one right now. [dice roll] That is a eight minus one for a seven.
Eric: Still good.
Amanda: something.
Brandon: That's a seven.
Julia: Hoo. Okay.
Eric: On a hit, they hear you. They mark potential, clear a condition, or shift labels, and Rowan definitely opened up.
Julia: You want a clear condition?
Amanda: I would actually like to mark potential.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: This will give me one more left until I level up.
Eric: Nice. Good jo— hey, good job comforting each other.
Julia: Thanks.
Eric: This is the funniest move, where like me as the referee, I'm like, "Touchdown."
Amanda: Comforted.
Eric: "Stress relief."
Amanda (as Rowan): Thank you. I— I'm sorry to make it about me. Now, I'll— I'm locked in. I'm ready for the day. Let's find this weird meetup of science freaks.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah, let's do it.
Julia (as Craft): Cool. We're gonna wrap Connor—
Brandon (as Connor): Goddamn it.
Julia (as Craft): —in gauze.
Amanda (as Rowan): Say no more.
Julia (as Craft): So that he looks like the Invisible Man, 'cause science.
Amanda (as Rowan): I've been training for this my entire life.
Amanda: And Rowan flexes her tefillin tattoo.
Amanda (as Rowan): I know how to wrap shit, man.
Julia (as Craft): You, lab coat. Lab coat and goggles for Rowan, and I'm just gonna go by myself, because I think most mad scientists know who the fuck I am.
Brandon (as Connor): You're the most recognizable out of all of us.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, but like, everyone assumes I'm bad.
Amanda (as Rowan): That's a power move. That's a power move.
Julia (as Craft): Literally, everyone assumes I'm bad.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah.
Brandon (as Connor): I don't—
Julia (as Craft): Well, that's— hey, fuck you. That's nice.
Brandon: And then Craft quickly wraps Connor's mouth.
Julia: Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): Shut up.
Eric: All right. The three of you are leaving the dorm. Rowan in a lab coat, kind of wrapped up, and Craft, just being Craft. You are heading towards what was the name of the place, the music trailer?
Julia: TERS.
Eric: TERS.
Julia: TERS. TERS.
Eric: TERS.
Julia: The Temporary Instrumental Resources Center or whatever the fuck.
Eric: That's close enough. That's fine.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that's fine. You're leaving and heading— and moving towards you quickly and without friction, because he can just, like, kind of glide on his astral arms. Harvey Withers is making a beeline for the three of you.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Rowan Rosen, are you making more trouble messing with my buildings?
Amanda (as Rowan): What could I be messing with? No.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Oh, you didn't just put a big hole in the wall? You didn't just do that?
Brandon (as Connor): I'm sorry, just real quick, doesn't say in the bylines that you're not supposed to look into private dorms?
Eric (as Harvey Withers): If you look in the bylines of the bylines, is that— if you look at the subsections of the bylines—
Brandon (as Connor): The tri-lines.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): —you can see that I— that is overridden if I sense destruction happening to school property. And the dorms, when you destroy them are school property.
Brandon (as Connor): Damn it. He's got me.
Amanda (as Rowan): Mr. Withers, you're right. I'm really sorry. I lost my temper, and that's not okay. And whatever you need me to do to make it right, I will do it.
Eric: Harvey Withers comes up really close to you. You're eye level.
Julia: Because you're the same height, yep.
Eric: You— 'cause you're the same height.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Hey, what's going on with you, kid? You can tell me. I've known you for six years and now you're acting out. What's going on with you?
Amanda (as Rowan): Um—
Amanda: Can I try to pierce Harvey's mask?
Eric: Sure. Ask a question to ask him what he's getting at.
Amanda: I think Rowan is gonna look at her feet and her scuffed up like weird loafers with grippy soles, and then look back up at Harvey in his face, way to beat and then say—
Amanda (as Rowan): What do you really think of me?
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Eric: All right, roll plus mundane.
Amanda: All right.
Brandon: Did you fail?
Amanda: 10 minus two for an eight.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Good.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: That's good. Do you have any conditions that affect that?
Amanda: I don't, because I cleared angry.
Eric: Smart.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Smorp. Smorp. All right. On an eight, you get to ask one. What are you really planning? What do you want me to do? What do you intend to do? How can I get your character to blank? How can I gain influence over you?
Amanda: I want to gain influence over him.
Eric: Harvey is so close to you. It's like in the 1959 Manitoba, that he's from, is like— this is the only way that you can show care for someone is you need to be, like, three inches away from them.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: So you can just see every single line in his face. He is so old. You— just the indeterminate amount of leathering in the way that an old baseball met is leathered, both from being out in the sun and use, and the fact that you bought it at a garage sale eight years ago, and it had a life then. Or maybe it's just been rubber banded for so long, that's what happens to a— to an old myth. So if you want to gain influence over him, if he's doing some old school heart to heart, you better remote at him and he'll melt.
Amanda: Okay.
Amanda (as Rowan): I— I'm not really sure what happens after I graduate here, and I— I've been safe here, and I know there are people who could help me if I messed up, or help others if I became a problem. And that's gonna end soon, and I don't know what to do with that. But I have a really good team. My— I mean, they're the best, and I don't know what I'm gonna do without them, too.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Uh-hmm. Those hosers are pretty good.
Amanda (as Rowan): Yeah.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): We have services for you at the school. You're gonna be fine after this. Just get your ranking back up, kid.
Amanda (as Rowan): Thank you, Mr. Withers.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): If you need anything, you just come to me, and stop messing with the school. The buildings love you. The buildings have feelings.
Julia: The buildings have feelings.
Amanda (as Rowan): Really?
Brandon: Oh, no, that's really bad.
Eric: Thank you, Brandon, that's what I was getting at.
Amanda (as Rowan): They really do?
Eric (as Harvey Withers): It's one of those, you know, metaphors.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Or maybe they do.
Amanda (as Rowan): Because, like, I love the library too, but I do not like the gymnatorium.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): But you gotta be nice to it. You gotta be nice the buildings will love you back if you're nice to them.
Amanda (as Rowan): Okay.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): All right.
Amanda (as Rowan): Thank you.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Just don't do it again.
Amanda (as Rowan): I won't.
Eric: One of the astral hands and it gets— it's so close to you, you can— it is like a NASA photo of the galaxy.
Amanda: Oh, God.
Eric: And it ruffles your hair.
Amanda (as Rowan): Okay, thanks.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): All right. You get out of here. Don't get in trouble, but— maybe get in a little bit of trouble.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): Just a little bit.
Amanda (as Rowan): Okay.
Eric (as Harvey Withers): But not enough that I have to do anything about it.
Amanda (as Rowan): Okay.
Amanda: And Rowan, like, has a little bit of a skip to her step as we continue.
Eric: All right, so you have influence over Harvey Withers now, and you get plus one if you want to do stuff to him.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Hell yeah. All right, y'all can head over— now that Harvey Withers— we see a reverse shot of him gliding away, and a single tear that looks like the galaxy, rolls down his cheek.
Brandon: I don't know why, but I imagined, in that moment, Frög, whenever he cries, he just, like, licks it with his tongue so quickly.
Amanda: Licks his eyeballs.
Eric: Hey, who knows if Frög even has Frög powers anymore?
Julia: Oh, yeah, he might have given them away.
Amanda: Oh, boy.
Brandon: Why would you do that to him?
Julia: Or did we send Todd Swapper out of town before he could swap with Frög?
Amanda: Hope so.
Eric: Who knows? Maybe someone should check on Frög instead of just making him Family Guy cutaways.
Brandon: Are you telling me they fucked, Eric?
Eric: Yes. Brandon, that's what I'm saying. You're right.
Julia: That is.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Yay.
Brandon: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
Eric: That's what that tongue do.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Cool. All right. y'all can head to the TERS or— what do we call it?
Brandon: TERS.
Julia: TERS.
Eric: TERS. Y'all can head to TERS.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: We head to TERS.
Eric: Out behind the math building, there is this trailer. I don't know if you— anyone who's listening had this problem, but here in public school USA, sometimes you would have classes in literal trailers that you could rent—
Brandon: Yep.
Eric: —from places that sold trailers.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: It was almost always banned, which is funny to me.
Amanda: Or art.
Brandon: I had math in mine.
Eric: Really? You had a re— you had, like, an academic class in a trailer?
Brandon: It wasn't quite a trailer. It was called a portable. It was like a— it was a prefab, like, built room—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —kind of thing, but it was, like— it was, yeah, basically a fancy trailer.
Amanda: Like a mobile home, maybe?
Brandon: Yeah, but, like, three times the size of it, but, yeah.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: I'll be honest, I don't ever recall having one of these in school, but I know my mom's school had them at some point.
Brandon: Must be nice.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Julia, when they did the wing on our elementary school, we had temporary rooms for the year before the wing was done.
Julia: Gotcha. I don't remember that, but I trust that that happened. It was a long time.
Eric: Wow. Big man with not a trailer. Wow.
Brandon: Must be nice.
Amanda: Listen, when I was in elementary school, I didn't have crushes, but I did notice the building upgrades.
Julia: Oh. Fair enough.
Brandon: I thought you were gonna say you had crushes on the buildings.
Amanda: I mean, looking back.
Brandon: They have feelings, too.
Amanda: They do.
Eric: Yeah, you walk up to the trailer, it is like— it almost looks like a mobile home, but without any of the home elements. Like you can see, it is on wheels. You can put down kind of, like, brakes and stuff to kind of stick it in the ground. But it's just kind of like a shack, honestly. And it could get taken away by a truck at a later date. You know what I mean?
Julia: Gotcha.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But it has a door. There's steps— this janky screen door, the steps up to the door, but it looks pretty ordinary from the outside.
Julia: And Craft's gonna check everyone's costumes to make sure everyone looks mad scientist-y. I bet Craft also like— I like this idea that Craft found like a fake Nerf gun that someone had, and hands it to Rowan and is like—
Julia (as Craft): Here's your gravity gun. Wink.
Amanda (as Rowan): You are so smart. Thank you.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah.
Brandon: Hey, Julia, real quick, what's a fake Nerf gun?
Julia: Like a knockoff Nerf gun, Brandon.
Brandon: Ah, like a—
Eric: It's a Berf—
Brandon: A Berf.
Eric: —Brandon.
Brandon: A Berf gun.
Eric: Yeah. It's Berf or maybe something else at the other— at the toy store.
Brandon: I don't know why I'm ragging on you so much, but it's just so fun.
Julia: It's all good. It's all good, bruh.
Eric: It's Berf or a cheaper alternative.
Julia: And then is gonna, I guess, just go up to the door and be like—
Julia (as Craft): All right, let's see what we can do. I feel like this is gonna be like an escape room where we're gonna have to, like, find the secret entrance or whatever, so—
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, that'd be fun.
Amanda (as Rowan): If it's particles, I got you.
Eric: Screen door opens with a creak. And the illustrator writes all those E's.
Julia: Hell yeah.
Eric: And you go inside, and it smells like farts.
Julia: Yeah.
Julia (as Craft): But that's just normal.
Brandon (as Connor): That's nor— is that normal for mad scientists?
Julia (as Craft): No, that's normal for this specific room.
Brandon (as Connor): Oh, okay, okay.
Eric: Inside, there's just like— there's music stands, there's one crappy halogen light above you, lots of chairs just kind of thrown in all directions. Someone left a bag of bugles on the ground.
Julia (as Craft): Classic.
Brandon (as Connor): Dibs.
Eric: And the carpet is just, like, caked in dust and dirt, and whatever people trekked in from walking around campus outside.
Julia (as Craft): Rowan, can you see if there's, like, a secret hidden door or a passageway, or something?
Brandon (as Connor): Yeah. Or do you think we have to, like, say a password out loud or something?
Julia (as Craft): I feel like it would have included the password if there was a password.
Brandon (as Connor): Hmm.
Amanda: Yeah. Eric, can I assess the situation?
Eric: Yeah, I think that's assessing. Let's assess.
Amanda: Let's go.
Julia: Let's assess.
Amanda: Okay. I rolled an eight on the dice, minus two because I'm guilty, but plus one superior for a seven.
Eric: Wow.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Yay.
Eric: There you go. You— y'all are doing this by the skin of your teeth for this episode.
Amanda: Hoo. It's enough. So yeah, I close my eyes, ball my fists up, take a look gravitationally at the room in front of me, and try to get a sense, like I did with the chasm, where the actual room is. So the question I'm going to ask is, how can we best end this quickly?
Eric: This is digging around in the trailer?
Amanda: This meaning getting in and out of the party safely.
Eric: Oh. Interesting. Okay.
Amanda: Getting in and getting out, so focus on the entrances and exits.
Eric: Hmm. Well, if you're kind of doing— in a very daredevil sort of way, you're doing your investigation via power, just understand all of the things in the room. Something in this room is not what it seems like.
Brandon: Oh, is it me?
Eric: Connor, you should probably move away from that bag of bugles.
Julia: Ah! Not the bugles.
Brandon: Ah! I moved away. No longer have dibs on it.
Amanda (as Rowan): They're so pointy. I always thought that.
Eric: There's something wrong with it. We've already talked about this, but everything has, you know, its own atomic signature. You know, you can see the stack of atoms and how they vibrate against each other, and that's what it looks like. But those bugles aren't bugles, and it's certainly not a plastic bag. It's made out of something else, that looks like a bag of bugles.
Julia (as Craft): What the hell?
Amanda (as Rowan): Something's wrong with that?
Brandon (as Connor): Is it a person?
Amanda (as Rowan): No.
Brandon (as Connor): Is it a shape shifter?
Amanda (as Rowan): What?
Brandon (as Connor): I don't know.
Amanda (as Rowan): Um, Craft, can you, like, electrocute it maybe?
Julia (as Craft): Zap, zap.
Julia: And Craft does a, "Pyoo," of electricity.
Eric: The electricity kind of jumps between each individual bugle and then goes all the way around the bag, and then the bugles and the bag flatten out. And it comes this kind of green ooze.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: And it spreads out and then dissipates. And there is a hole in the ground, going straight down, almost like a manhole, and there's a ladder that just goes down, down, down into the darkness.
Brandon (as Connor): Cool.
Julia (as Craft): Who the fuck picked bugles to be the passcode— you know, secret passage? That's amazing.
Brandon (as Connor): Have you ever had them? They're really good.
Julia (as Craft): Yeah, but like, who picks bugles to be the mad scientist's secret passage, Connor?
Brandon: Well, I think they're crazy. They're mad.
Amanda (as Rowan): Why are they so pointy? Why does that have to be that pointy? It can hurt. It could scratch you.
Brandon (as Connor): Did you have a bad experience with bugles, Rowan?
Amanda (as Rowan): No, but like, I always think about it.
Julia (as Craft): We're going down the ladder. Let's go, gang.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay. Bye.
Amanda: We go.
Eric: You go. We get that one long—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —panel of the three of you—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —in order going down the ladder.
Julia: One of my favorites.
Eric: As you're climbing down the ladder, the hoots and hollers of a— somewhere between a decent party and a very raucous meeting at an office.
Julia: Like a holiday party.
Eric: Yeah, like a holiday— we're looking for a holiday party. It's not a Christmas party. It's a different holiday.
Amanda: Have you guys ever—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —thought about the fact that a holiday party is the field day of work?
Brandon: I haven't. You're right.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: It's often not during work hours, so it's more just like spend your off time with us—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: —still, the company.
Amanda: Yeah, fair.
Eric: Field day up above, field day down below.
Brandon: That's what I always say.
Julia: That's what I'm saying.
Amanda: Always saying this.
Eric: And I think, like the echoes of, like, you know, little snatches of arguments you can't really hear, but all of it is just complicated, esoteric jargon about molecular fields and atomic bombs.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: And then you hear someone yell out—
Eric (as mad scientist): Who's gonna be my beer pong partner?
Eric: Rattling up the tunnel. And finally, the three of you land at the bottom. It almost looks like a little just bunker down here. It's very drab, gray everywhere. The ceilings are low. Connor, I think your head almost just touches— actually, both Connor and Craft, I think your heads just, like, scrape the top of the ceilings here. And there's these little arches that you have to duck under as you kind of move through. There's lockers on your right. It is, like, very Fallout in my head. The very sort of, like—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —retro futuristic. This is a bunker when the 5,000 atomic bombs go off, like, this is where we're at. Like, maybe there's some, like, really crappy metal bunk beds in one corner. There's lockers in another corner. There are these wooden crates filled with cans of indeterminate origin. But the party that you've been hearing is popping off in the main room that is down the hall.
Julia: I think we're gonna head towards the party.
Brandon (as Connor): Craft, do you want us to go in front of you, in case, like we see your dad?
Julia (as Craft): Nah, it's probably fine.
Brandon (as Connor): Okay.
Julia (as Craft): I'm sure he's not actually here. That would be wild. What a wild thing to happen to me.
Amanda (as Rowan): If he is, just, like, blink once if you want us to beat him up and then blink twice if you want us to try and kill him. Or maybe, no, you have to blink all the time. Anyway, tell us what you want to do.
Julia (as Craft): Okay. I'll let you know. We'll text. Well, I'll put it in the group chat.
Amanda (as Rowan): Oh, it's so smart.
Eric: So what order are you going in?
Julia: I think it should be Craft, and then Connor, and Rowan directly behind her.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Like triangle formation.
Amanda: Bodyguards.
Eric: Okay. All right. Craft, you open the door [record scratches] and literally, a record scratches.
Julia: Yes. What I was hoping for.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And you see a roo— there are 50 of the maddest scientists.
Julia: That's so many.
Eric: Standing around a giant table, and the table is covered with all types of snacks and drinks, and also the most arcane and ridiculous mechanical pieces you've ever seen. You know, from various ages, there's beakers, and tubes, and shiny chrome things, and also, like Steampunk stuff, and there's just a big stone tablet in the middle. And everyone goes [gasps] and some people drop their cups, and all of them have white lab coats on, but only one person, only one mad scientist, has the gumption to say something down at the end, leading this—
Julia: The game of beer pong.
Eric: Leading the game of beer pong is a snapping turtle in a aquarium tank that is on robotic wheels. The snapping turtle has a Van Dyke mustache and little beard.
Julia: Cute.
Eric: And the glasses that Ben Franklin wears in National Treasure, the one with—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —the infrared and the blue.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And the snapping turtle turns the aquarium around and the water sloshes out, says—
Eric (as Dr. Snappington): As I live and breathe, is that little Shelley Craft all grown up? Why don't you come here and give Uncle Dr. Snappington a big, old turtle hug?
Julia (as Craft): Uncle Snaps, hey.
Eric (as Dr. Snappington): Snap, snap.
Eric: And then they put the record back on, and everyone goes—
Eric (as mad scientists): Hey, Shelley Craft.
[theme]