What do you do after escaping a secret government black site, seeing yourself in an alternate reality, and straining the dynamics of your team? Run some errands. Aggie, Val, and Milo tie up loose ends.
Housekeeping
- Campaign 2 is almost done!! Look out for an Afterparty next week (March 22), followed by three story episodes. We’ll have another Afterparty on April 19, our LAST TWO EPISODES, and a final Afterparty for Campaign 2 on May 10.
- JTP is here to STAY. We’ll keep you posted on the fun new things we’re doing after Campaign 2, what the summer will hold, and when Campaign 3 is kicking off!
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a D&D actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Begin with Campaign 2 (The Join Campaign) for a modern, sci-fi superhero game, or marathon all of Campaign 1 (The Party Campaign) for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Aggie, Val and Lou stumble into the alternate reality on the other side of the Time Shark Mirror (first time that sentence has ever been said!) They grill Preserver on what’s going on, learning that Dr. Morrow got sucked into a black hole of her own making, this version of Val is a full-on mob boss named Vesuvius who burned many people alive, Gutenberg already has his claws in the city with a massive conglomerate called SUPR, and a lot of other stuff. At the same time, Milo tries to escape the security defenses of the OTA but is given an escape hatch by Tuna and Anubis. In the death plane, Anubis sits Milo down to watch what’s happening in the alternate universe, just as Val and Aggie ask Preserver where Milo is in the alternate timeline. Preserver and Anubis reveal that Milo was born in the wrong timeline, the Preserver Timeline, and it was killing him as a baby. Anubis appeared to his birth parents to save him, infused him with death powers to save his life, and delivered the baby and a cat to Hank Lane’s doorstep.
Aggie, Val, and Lou push their way back to the “prime” timeline, January bursts in while in a mech suit to save the four of them. On the ride home, they put on the Hank-Bans and realize that one in every three citizens are made of pixels.
We’re 106 miles from the end of the campaign, we’ve got full tank of gas, one arc left, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it! And let’s get the party started.
[Join the Party theme plays]
Eric (as January): So, do you guys want to have a sleepover just for old times sake?
Julia (as Val): Yes, absolutely.
Amanda (as Aggie): Of course we do.
Brandon (as Milo): Can I borrow some PJs?
Eric (as January): Oh, definitely. It's probably, it's probably, it's probably stashed somewhere.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric: January has dropped all of you off at Dr. Morrow's house after escaping the basement of the Office of Technology Assessment using the bunny mech. Everyone has kind of hopped out. Lou is feeling a little sick from the general turbulence of being strapped to a mech. So, Lou is like.
Eric (as Lou): I need to go home. I'm not feeling well.
Brandon: Lou gets motion sick really easy. Poor Lou.
Eric: Oh yeah, just regular, being strapped to mech is like a baby, that's like a baby ride.
Brandon: She got sick in the mirror thing too.
Julia: Well, she was also in a universe that was not her own.
Brandon: Yeah, motion sickness, Julia.
Julia: Can't really blame her for that. Obviously, obviously, that's motion sickness.
Eric: Julia, you haven't taken the Interdimensional Ride at Six Flags Great Adventure?
Julia: That's my favorite one.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric: There's like a “10 minutes earlier” title card that comes up. January explains that they haven't seen neither January nor Dez has seen Dr. Morrow for the last day or so. It's not really new, because Dr. Morrow kind of, like, goes off and does random things all of the time, but January got very concerned when the January-come-help-me alarm was activated by the brown key fob. So, January muscle jumped all the way over, realized it was all of you and the ceiling was coming down really fast. And that you needed to get out of there immediately. And now you're back in Dr. Morrow's mansion. I think Dez is also standing there, sadly. Like maybe he has, like, a knife, but he's eating parts of an apple. You know? Like, just cutting pieces of an apple. Maybe it's off of his arm. That would be cool, too. Like, one of his, one of his fingers is like a switchblade and he's cutting pieces of an apple and popping it in his mouth.
Julia (as Val): So, you guys haven't seen Dr. Morrow in a few days?
Brandon (as Milo): Hey, Dez.
Eric (as January): Yeah, it's been like two days now, but now I'm starting to get worried.
Julia (as Val): This is going to be a weird question. Has she been talking about black holes recently?
Eric (as January): Not any more than usual.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as January): So, like, every so often she tries to, she's gonna, like, invent a black hole, whatever that means.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as January): But it usually goes away.
Julia: I just looked at Aggie like.
[Amanda groans]
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: All right.
Eric (as January): I mean, she left a note. She didn't just disappear.
Julia (as Val): Oh, okay. What does the note say?
Brandon (as Milo): What does the note say?
Eric: January shows you the note. Like.
Eric (as January): I didn't say it because you, well, here.
Eric: The note says “J and D, gone for some snacks. Be back later.”
Brandon (as Milo): That's fake, right?
Amanda (as Aggie): Is this unusual?
Eric (as January): It doesn't mean anything. I think she more knows that you need to leave a note, but she doesn't know what the note. Like, she knows that it's a courtesy, but she doesn't know that, like, notes are informative. So, it could be anything. It doesn't really mean anything. So, she, she's, she might be fine, but after the alarm went off I just, I just was worried. So, you guys want to have a sleepover? Just hang out for a little while? It's been a while. I haven't seen any of you. We could just, like, hang out.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric (as January): Make fondue.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, we missed you.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Do we need to find her, like, right now? Or is she okay?
Eric (as January): No. I mean, she might show up. I just, I'm just a little you know, it's been--. I haven't seen y'all in a while and we'll see.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay. Do we make s'mores?
Julia (as Val): And it's just you and Dez here? So yeah, it'd be nice to have more people around.
Eric (as January): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): I heard Milo say something about s'mores. I'm into that.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as January): Definitely s'mores. You know, it's only fun throw, trying to throw a football through as far of the house as possible.
Eric: And Dez looks at January, and January says.
Eric (as January): And then you break something and then you have to spend a lot of time trying to super glue it back together, so we did that the first few hours.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I'd never done that before. It's a weird experience. Not universal at all.
Eric (as January): Absolutely not.
Eric: Dez pops another corner of apple in his mouth and says.
Eric (as Dez): And also uh, it'd be nice to, to see you three.
Amanda (as Aggie): I'm so sorry. I don't how to. I only have room for one emotional reckoning in my life at a time and I just did that with my whole family. I'm sorry. I really missed you guys. Okay?
Julia: Val just starts rubbing her back. Be like.
Julia (as Val): It's okay. It's okay.
Eric: Yeah. Dez continues.
Eric (as Dez): Listen, I know you all had to do what you had to do. I'm not mad at you, but we had a good thing going could be, could be fun to hang out.
Brandon (as Milo): I'd love that Dez.
Eric (as Dez): Thanks.
Eric (as January): I know that Dr. Morrow's missing but also like, do the three of you have, like, some interpersonal problems with each other that I feel like we should resolve? It was really weird on the hop over that none of you talked to each other. That was super weird.
[Julia chuckles]
Julia (as Val): Well, it was a weird basement time.
Brandon (as Milo): It was also half, like, trying to hold onto a rabbit and half interpersonal problems.
Eric (as January): Oh, yeah, but like, it was weird. Usually if someone makes a joke or something and Lou was just, like, trying not to hurl off the side. So are you, are you all okay, if we're gonna do this and hang out together?
Brandon (as Milo): I don't know. Are we?
Julia (as Val): I mean.
Brandon (as Milo): Val?
Julia (as Val): I'm good with me and Aggie.
Brandon (as Milo): Aggie?
Julia (as Val): Me and Aggie are good.
Eric (as January): That's not the same as you being all of you are good. That's not the same
Brandon (as Milo): Val? Aggie?
Julia (as Val): Do you? Okay Milo, do you have something to say to me?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, what the fuck?
Julia (as Val): What would you like to say other than what the fuck? You need to be specific in your words and your complaints.
Brandon (as Milo): My specific words and complaints are as follows. One, what the fuck? Two, you let, you made a deal with the, with our enemy who tried to kill our best friend Lou. And I find that inexcusable. And I want to punch them until they die. And then I'll bring it back. And then I'll kill, then I'll do it one more time.
Amanda (as Aggie): Can you understand why when faced with the immediate threat of, like, being knocked out, or at least called out, we tried to preserve the mission by cooperating with a hostile force then kill her on the spot when we didn't even know what had happened. We don't even know. We were separated.
Brandon (as Milo): That I can understand.
Julia (as Val): Aggie has a good point.
Brandon (as Milo): That is a good point. I get it. You also didn't have all the information. I get it, but you also made a deal that affected me without consulting me. This one.
Amanda (as Aggie): What part of the deal has to do with you?
Brandon (as Milo): At some point, Sommelier is supposed to join our fight or whatever against Mr. Gutenberg. I don't know. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Amanda (as Aggie): So this was.
Eric: From Agent Golden Feathers, Book of Not Negotiating with Terrorists.
Brandon: Yeah, Milo found a used copy in the back of a bookstore one time.
Eric: That's why, that's why they got hired, is that the director saw their book and was like, "Oh, Hank is gone. I love this book."
Amanda (as Aggie): So, this was my thought, because this is an idea that, that I, we sort of tossed out there in the middle, Val and I didn't even have a chance to communicate, so you know, this deal was made without all of us communicating. And that's definitely true. I thought that by the time we already have Gutenberg in our sights, either one, we can claim there was no cell reception and deal with that. Or two, it's a situation where, like, breaking into that warehouse when January was imperiled and not actually there, and it was a hologram. We need all the help we can get from all the allies that we have at our disposal, or at least the people who can be persuaded or paid to treat our enemies as their enemies. So, I thought it was kind of a something for nothing situation.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. Also, the only other option, it seemed like at the time, was us being found out and arrested by the Federal government.
Brandon (as Milo): I get that Val. Val, I get that. I'm just saying you made a bad deal.
Julia (as Val): Okay, we made a bad deal, but I'm also not in a federal prison right now. And that's kind of nice.
Amanda (as Aggie): And at the end of the day, I offered her a personal favor. I will do her a favor and try to find the most hilarious way I can to embarrass and/or imperil her or do a kind of like fae situation where she asked me for the favor, but then I kind of do, like, the opposite of the thing in spirit while adhering to the letter of the law. You know um.
Brandon (as Milo): Monkey paw situation. Yeah.
Amanda (as Aggie): Exactly. Exactly. So listen, I did the best I could. I'm sorry that you had to see Lou in a precarious position. I probably also would have flipped out if I saw a hair on her precious head in danger.
Brandon (as Milo): No.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Alright, two things. One, can you, like, do a fun, you know, favorite prank where like she ends up in a prison cell?
Eric: Favor prank?
Amanda (as Aggie): Sure.
Julia: Love a favor prank.
Amanda (as Aggie): I'll do my best to actually prank her when what she thinks she's getting is a favor.
Brandon (as Milo): And the two, Lou wasn't imperiled, Lou died. The only reason Lou didn't die is because I saved her.
Julia (as Val): So, Lou didn't die.
Eric (as Tuna): I think it was mostly me who was involved in that.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was a lot of Tuna. I will fully admit that.
Eric (as Tuna): I kept her soul from leaving our body.
Amanda (as Aggie): Well, thank you.
Julia (as Val): I would also like to point out that the, like, letter of the deal is that Sommelier comes with us if we track down Gutenberg. Not that we have to, like, work with her in order to fight Gutenberg. You're not, you're not obligated to team up with her.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, you could be like oopsy and then Tuna, like, licks her and she, and she falls asleep or something. Not die. I will not. No one deserves to die, okay?
Brandon (as Milo): As long as you both could promise me that there is no cooperation with the murderer known as Sommelier some, we found some way to put her in handcuffs or otherwise incapacitate her, that's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): But listen, if we need anyone, any help that we can get in a situation where it's Gutenberg versus the rest of us, don't you want extra people on our side?
Brandon (as Milo): Anyone.
Julia (as Val): I mean, we can arrest her.
Brandon (as Milo): Anyone except the Sommelier, I will accept that.
Amanda (as Aggie): How about if there are other options, we will exhaust all of them before calling the Sommelier or cooperating with them.
Brandon (as Milo): How about we're a team and I'm asking you as Team A to Team B and C. I didn't mean to put them in rank order that way.
Amanda (as Aggie): You kind of did, though.
Julia (as Val): It kinda happened.
Eric (as January): Alright, so it seems like, let's just, maybe we can I, I do. I am certified as a team mediator, so let me see if I can help you out here. Uh, Aggie, Val, do you acknowledge and see why Milo was so upset because he watched his friend die?
Amanda (as Aggie): Definitely.
Julia (as Val): Yes.
Eric (as January): And Milo, could you acknowledge that Aggie and Val did something that was in your benefit, i.e. not being arrested by the federal government?
Brandon (as Milo): Yes.
Eric (as January): And also, it seems like you're being a little bit of a baby right now about some stuff?
Brandon (as Milo): Huh. Suddenly, I'm very tired. I'm gonna go up to the British room. Goodbye!
Eric (as January): Mi-, Mi-, Hey, no. Maybe, maybe you're acting out and expressing that a little bit? Don't worry, this isn't gonna be fully on you.
Brandon (as Milo): Am I fucking crazy here?
Eric (as January): No.
Brandon (as Milo): Why does no one care about the person who tried to kill Lou?
Eric (as January): No, that's not what we're, that's not what we're say, that's not what we're saying.
Brandon (as Milo): Well, I don't appreciate being called a baby by a little rabbit.
Eric (as January): That's fair. Okay. Maybe you just think about it when you're being the two if, if you want to think about your behavior towards your other teammates. I also want to say to Val and Aggie can you see why uh, why murder and revenge sounds real good. And honestly, you should, Milo should probably just follow through with that. It sounds pretty good.
Julia (as Val): I mean, I normally, January, I would agree with you, but I did find out that I'm a supervillain in another life, so I'm probably a little bit concerned about, like, falling into the path of murder and revenge.
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, yeah. Do you guys want to talk about, like, the many implications of the fact that there are two timelines in which Dez is definitely a superhero and Dr. Morrow dies?
Eric (as January): Hold on, before we move on, we all need to acknowledge these things. It;s nor how mediation works. You can't just, like, go on a tangent about other worlds before you acknowledge the issue that's happening.
Julia (as Val): I acknowledge it, but I think it's a bad fucking idea.
Brandon (as Milo): I also acknowledge it except for the part where you call me a baby.
Eric (as January): Okay, that's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay, no one will call each other a baby.
Julia (as Val): We did a win there.
Eric (as January): Okay, no one will call each other a baby. I shouldn't have done that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Dez, what do you think?
Eric (as Dez): Yeah, I mean, probably, you can vanquish her in combat. Yeah, that sounds great.
Brandon (as Milo): YES!
Julia (as Val): Damn, it, Dez.
Amanda (as Aggie): Alright, that sounds like a majority rule.
Eric (as January): That's just what we're about. I don't know what. We work with an incredibly impulsive and vindictive mad scientist. I don't know what you thought we were going to say.
Julia (as Val): I just figured you guys balance her out.
Brandon (as Milo): Dez, can you get me a dissolve ray?
Eric (as Dez): No, that's just, that's just for science fiction, unfortunately.
Brandon (as Milo): Damn it.
Eric (as January): So I. Listen, I'm glad that we've all come to this. Hopefully you all feel a little bit better. Is there something that maybe you've all been withholding from each other that we can, you could hash out in the time, in the time here? Is there anything that we've missed?
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you, January. We love you. We, we miss you. I miss you both. I'm sorry things went down the way they did. I fully met another version of myself that was apparently named Preserver and seems to be much less fucking cool than I am.
Julia (as Val): You're pretty cool in comparison.
Amanda (as Aggie): In a full Mirror Universe. And she gave me the key fob that I used to summon January. So, that whole thing happened. Like, I don't know, maybe half an hour ago and it feels like there are some really big fucking implications for what we're doing here.
Brandon (as Milo): Val, that one time when I told you that one of the two pizzas I was bringing over just got like, smushed in the car so I, I just didn't bring it in because it wasn't worth it. I did eat that whole pizza by myself. Tuna did help me.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. Milo, you're a bad fucking liar. I knew that already.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay, cool. Just making sure.
Eric: Hey, Brandon, make a dexterity saving throw with disadvantage for me.
[Julia chuckles]
Brandon: What is my dexterity saving throw? It is a 9 + 3 for a 12.
Eric: Cool. While you’re, while you're doing that, the tuning fork falls out of your pock-- like, your bag.
Brandon: Fuck you!
Julia (as Val): Hey, Milo. What's that?
Brandon (as Milo): What's? Oh, that's just a tuning fork.
Julia (as Val): Why do you have a "just a tuning fork"?
Amanda (as Aggie): For like, fondue?
Brandon (as Milo): Sometimes I gotta tune my instrument. My instruments when I call my power.
Julia (as Val): I fully picked it up and I showed this to Dez. I'm like, Dez what the fuck is this?
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, yeah. Can we work on, like, the technology that we busted into the government agency to steal?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I mean, I found these sunglasses.
Julia (as Val): Can I have my sunglasses back by the way?
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, yeah, of course.
Julia (as Val): Cool.
Brandon (as Milo): I shined them for you.
Julia (as Val): Thank you.
Amanda (as Aggie): So, Gutenberg is making copies of a bunch of different heroes and undercutting our whole market but also I'm terrified of that possibility, so we got a tip from an insider source. And I like, raise my eyebrows at the other members of the LT3 that they have some tech that can help us better distinguish who is a copy and who is not, so Milo did you grab that?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I found ‘em, really dope name. It's called the Hank-Bans. I like that. That's a lot lot good. Also, I put them on when we were over here and, like, a lot of people were just pixels. Like, a lot of them.
Eric (as January): How many is a lot?
Brandon (as Milo): Like, 33.33 repeating percent probably.
Julia (as Val): What?
Amanda (as Aggie): What?
Eric (as January): That's a lot of people.
Amanda (as Aggie): Civilians?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Amanda (as Aggie): Why? Is this just election fraud so we can beat Dr. Mayor Morrow?
Julia (as Val): That's what I thought. That was my immediate thought.
Amanda(as Aggie): She already resigned!
Julia (as Val): I was like, Oh fuck. They gotta run through.
Brandon (as Milo): No. Election fraud never exists. It doesn't happen. It doesn't.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Is this for once actually election fraud?
[Eric laughs]
Julia (as Val): Apparently, when you have superpowers that's when election fraud can happen.
[Brandon chuckles]
Brandon (as Milo): I, yeah, I don't have any other information but it seems bad.
Amanda (as Aggie): Why would he be doing this?
Eric (as Dez): I have an idea.
Julia (as Val): Sup, Dez.
Eric (as Dez): Is there anyone you want to, like, invite over to see if they're made out of, made out of stuff or not?
Julia (as Val): Oh, no.
Brandon (as Milo): I don't want to like.
Amanda (as Aggie): No.
Brandon (as Milo): Find out my dad is a pixel creation in front of everyone.
Eric (as Dez): We might need to figure that out. I don't know.
Brandon: I put on the glasses. I look at Dez.
Eric: Dez is fine. Dez is, Dez is a guy.
Brandon: And I assume rabbits are rabbits.
Eric: January's fine.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia (as Val): Aggie, I mean this in the nicest way possible. Your parents are, like, new to town.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, fucking look at them. I don't care. That'd be great. That will simplify my life in lots of ways.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Brandon: I hand the glasses over to Aggie,
Julia (as Val): Do you want to, like, go, go visit your parents real quick and then come back?
Amanda (as Aggie): I can text them at any hour of the night and tell them that there is, like, a meditation circle starting and they will come immediately.
[Brandon chuckles]
Julia (as Val): Fuck yeah. Love that. What do we do if they are made of pixels though? Do we kill your, your pixel parents?
Amanda (as Aggie): I don't know.
Brandon (as Milo): Dez? Any ideas? Any tech solutions?
Eric (as Dez): Punch him really hard. Maybe they'll dissolve.
Brandon (as Milo): Ah. The classic tech. Violence.
Julia (as Val): That's my kind of tech.
Eric (as Dez): The first technology, some would say.
Eric: Hey, the three of you all go. Hmm. And then we zoom out and hello, we're in D&D land where we're playing the game.
Julia: Oh, hey.
Amanda: Oh, hi.
Brandon: Trying to think of literally any pun and I couldn't think of any.
Amanda: I'm glad my coworker, Brandon, doesn't want to murder somebody. Phew.
[Eric laughs]
Brandon: Of course not. Why would I want to murder anyone? That's, that'd be insane.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: No, I thought it over honestly, me, Eric. I've thought it over the last few times we were playing and like yeah, if you want to kill the Sommelier. Like, that happens in superhero comics all the time. But yeah, whatever, man. Hey, here's what's gonna happen here. This is our final interlude of the campaign.
[Amanda gasps]
Julia: Oh, hey.
Brandon: Oh, hey.
Eric: Hell yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: What?
Eric: So, you've all leveled up. You are now Level 12.
Amanda: What?
Julia: Yeah, I have a new thing called Relentless Rage which is actually very similar to my Phoenix Spark that if I dropped down to zero while I'm raging and I don't die outright I can make a DC10 CON saving throw and if I succeeds, I drop to one hit point instead.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: When I do that, it's each creature within 10 feet of me takes fire damage equal to my sorcery level plus my charisma modifier and if I have Mantle of Flame going, it does an additional sorcerer level plus charisma modifier.
Eric: Cool. I think that with this level up let's just take that thing off that, like, if you go down to zero that doubling for Mantle of Flame happens anyway, you don't need to have Mantle of Flame on.
Julia: Love that.
Brandon: Along the same line, Julia, because we're going to the same battle I did put my ability score increase in constitution so I got my hit points all the way up to 88 now.
[Julia cheers]
Amanda: I have 89 hit points and I concentrated mine to raise my AC which is now up to 16.
Brandon: Nice.
Julia: Nice.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: By raising your dex.
Amanda: Indeed.
Brandon: So many buffs.
Julia: So. Much. Buff.
Eric: You are all so buffed.
Brandon: Going to the gym baby.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah. Well, let's figure out what we're going to do for the rest of the episode from this inciting incident. I think that you're all kind of settled in. You're all gonna hang out for a little while. Maybe you're throwing a football around and try not to break anything.
Amanda: Making hot chocolate, putting on matching sets of jammies, talking about our love lives. Oh yeah.
Brandon: Roasted marshmallows. Let's go.
Eric: There is a knock at the door.
Amanda: We look up from a chubby bunny contest that January is judging.
Julia: Absolutely.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: I just thought about making January play Chubby Bunny. That's so funny.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: No, he's gotta judge.
Eric (as January): I am the chubbiest bunny. I'm already gonna win, so it's not even worth it. My cheeks, these cheeks are made for chubby bunny-ing.
Brandon: [Brandon chuckles]
Julia: Val swallows, like, 10 marshmallows at once and goes to answer the door.
Eric: Incredible. You open the door. There's nobody there. And then you see that there is a very, very fancy looking envelope that is taped to the front door.
Julia: Okay. I take it and I bring it back to the group and I open it.
Eric: Nice. It's like cream colored. It's like hefty in your hand. Like, you know that this is like primo shit. This is some high quality paper right here. On the front it says, "The Laketown City three, De-- It says the Laketown City three. And Masters Dezmond and January." You see, you open it up and there's, like, a very, very fancy invitation on there. Like, you know it has, like, that, that wax paper over. It's like, it's a really fancy wedding invitation almost as like there's wax paper over in the inlay. And there's like six different inks on here.
Julia: Did I have to break a wax seal in order to get into it?
Eric: Oh, for sure. There were two waxes.
[Brandon chuckles]
Julia: What a waste.
Eric: What a waste of wax.
Amanda: Well, hang on. Julia, how did Val open the seal? Did you melt it?
Julia: No, I just cracked that bad boy open.
Amanda: Oh, damn.
Julia: Do you wanna be fancy? I'm not gonna save that.
Eric: Just cracked them with your hands. “You are all cordially invited to the release of a brand new product and company birth. The companies, Heroes R Us, PWRFL.” No vowels, “Aunt Betsy's Powered Folk Here to Help You and Helen Court.” Helen Court is a furniture store that has a very robust email list. “Have all been acquired by parent company, Supr. Please come to the middle of Laketown city at 9am on Monday morning to see the announcement of a brand new day for Laketown City. On behalf of Gutenberg and Gutenberg associates.”
Brandon (as Milo): Hate that a lot.
Amanda (as Aggie): So do we evacuate the town or?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): What bothers me is he couldn't even put the actual day. He just says Monday morning.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): What if we got this late in the mail?
Brandon (as Milo): What Monday? Could be next Monday.
Amanda (as Aggie): Where's the middle of town?
Julia (as Val): Yeah, what is the middle of town exactly?
Amanda (as Aggie): Like, the zip code? The road? The voting districts? Like, like, the sewer lines? What are we talking about here?
Brandon (as Milo): Did it already happen? Was it last Monday?
Julia (as Val): Might have been last Monday.
Eric: If the three of you have a problem with me just say it to my face.
Amanda: No, we're making fun of your characters. They're so detestable. I love it.
Julia: We like to burn Gutenberg at every decision he makes.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric: I also want to remind you that Supr was the name of the Gutenberg company from the alternate timeline.
Julia: Oh, bad
Eric: S U P R.
Amanda: That's bad.
Amanda (as Aggie): So, I'm like 80% serious. Can we just, like, lie and say it's free ice cream day at the Ben and Jerry's factory and get everybody just into Vermont for the day?
Brandon (as Milo): That's not a bad idea.
Julia (as Val): I feel like that's actually a very good idea. Maybe we can ask Carmen to actually set up a last minute free ice cream day at Ben and Jerry's?
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): We can get the whole town on a bus right? Like on multiple buses. I think it'll fit.
Eric: Yeah, like four or five.
Julia: It's a real Batman Begins situation where we try to get everyone on buses.
Brandon: How many people are in Laketown City?
Eric: A few. A few million. Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. So, like, like six buses?
[Amanda chuckles]
Eric: January says.
Eric (as January): So. So, that, is that bad? That, seems-- that's bad.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. It's bad.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, it's bad.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah. We're gonna have to take Gutenberg down. This is our last chance.
Eric (as January): Alright. Well, we have a few days to prepare. You can make this homebase too, well, let's figure it out. Let's take him down.
Amanda (as Aggie): Let's do it.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric: Cool. So, here's the thing. You have a few days before this is happening, so you do have some time to prepare. I will give you the offer of, if you want to spend that time training. Like, if you want to hang out with January and Dez and figure this stuff out. I will give you a stat boost that makes sense for you if there's something that you're looking for.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Yeah, I definitely want to talk to my dad and I wanted to train whether it was here or going down to Anubis' pad is probably what Anubis calls their apartment.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Their death apartment.
Eric: For sure. I like that.
Brandon: And buff up.
Amanda: Yeah, I'd love to run some drills with my new forms and just, like, make sure that, you know, maybe Vulcani and I can do it together. Maybe I can do it in the, in the training dome of just like, you know, going from sheet form to ball form to sail form to stretch form.
Brandon: Sail?!
Amanda: And really work on my ability to stretch, hopefully resulting in more key points.
Eric: Absolutely. I like that. Yeah, Julia, what are you looking for?
Julia: I'mma lift a lot of weights probably.
[Eric laughs]
Julia: Just kind of looking at what my stats are right now. It'd be nice to get up to 20 in strength.
Eric: Cool. I like that. I like that a lot.
Amanda: What if you, you offered to just move anyone for free who needs it this weekend?
Julia: Yeah, a person with a van. It's all there.
Amanda: Flash sale. Yeah.
Eric: I love this.
Brandon: What if you just move them out of town? Like, out of Laketown city?
Julia (as Val): Anyone who is leaving Laketown city, I will move your shit for free.
Amanda: That being said, I want to call in every favor I have with every person I know to try to get a bunch of events happening outside of Laketown city on Monday, so if I have to do that instead of train, that's fine. I'd rather do that just to try to imperil as few civilians as possible.
Eric: No, I think we can do all this stuff at the same time. I think that's fine. Yeah. I think that there's kind of like a quick montage of everything that's happening here. Brandon, what were you looking for to boost. Just like.
Brandon: Oh, I would love to get a seventh level spell slot.
Eric: Oh, that's chunky.
Brandon: Or an extra six level spell slot because I only have one of those.
Amanda: That sounds fair to me.
Eric: That sounds good. No, you know that sounds good. We'll just montage it.
[high-pitch music plays]
Eric: Val, I'm sure Dez has a gym stashed somewhere. You lift, you lift your weights when Dez, just the largest barbells you've ever seen.
[Julia hums in agreement]
Eric: Just boom boom, boom. Yeah, take a +1 to strength.
Julia: Great.
Brandon: I don't know why but in my head I pictured that Dez's barbells have, like, giant jugs of like gallons of milk on either side.
Eric: Honestly, it probably is that so that Dez can put different liquids in to adjust the, the weight.
Brandon: Different density of liquids.
Eric: Yeah, like you pour something in and then like Val struggling like what is this? Dez is like
Eric (as Dez): You don't want to know.
[Amanda laughs]
Amanda: It’s not on the periodic table yet, no.
Eric: Aggie, you're in the, what is the fucking thing called that's still--
Amanda: The fun dome of doom?
Eric: You're in the Fun Zone of fun where everything goes well and no one gets hurt at all ever. I like the idea of just, like, there's lasers shooting everywhere.
Amanda: Just like corgis running at me. Yeah, I have to, like, save them.
Eric: Yes, one of the corgis have vampire fangs and tried to bite you, so that was a false Corgi. There's like a volcano goes off in the back. The old man sitting on the bench is like, "Oh, great job!"
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: And yeah, you get two extra ki points.
Amanda: Fuck yeah, that brings me to 14 because I'm level 12. +2 plus two is 14.
Eric: Yeah. And Milo, you and Anubis can hang out. And I think Anubis just, like, throws objects at you.
Amanda: Eric, can you roleplay this whole scene? Can it take, like, 45 minutes just because like that's the amount of Anubis that I need in every episode of Join the Party.
Eric (as Anubis): Watch out!
Eric: And he like throws a Grecian temple at you to see what you need to phase through.
Eric (as Anubis): Like look out from this.
Eric: But he, and Anubius, like, throws, like, five canopic jars at you that have, like, mummified organs that, like.
Eric (as Anubis): Grab all them at the same time. Go.
[Brandon chuckles]
Brandon: And then we hard cut to the end of the training where we're back on Anubis' couch watching the new season of Ozark each one of us drinking a Capri Sun and Tuna has a little bowl full of Capri Sun on the ground.
Eric: I like that. All three of you have towels wrapped around your shoulder.
[players laugh]
Eric: Yeah, and sure. I'll give you a level six spell slot. How about that?
Brandon: Yay.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: Wonderful. Hell yes. And I think that you have some time to follow up on some leads here in the days before the Supr Company Conglomeration goes fast and furious.
Amanda: I'd love to make a bunch of phone calls. I want to ask Danny to have, like, an open studio or installation-something to draw people into the city. I want to ask Quinn to have, like, some kind of Insta Live drop in or like shop with me in Plattsburgh, which is north of Laketown city. And I'm going to ask Carmen, that's a great idea Julia, to see if Ben and Jerry's will do some kind of free scoop or like open factory or voter registration drive in their factory in Burlington to draw people over the line.
Eric: Hell yes. Why don't you, all three of you together, why don't you all roll a charisma roll for me? Let's see what this comes out to.
Julia: Can we add our fame to that?
Eric: Yes, definitely.
[dice clatters]
Eric: All of you can add your fame to it if you're putting your name behind it.
Amanda: Ah, amazing. 19.
Julia: 24.
Eric: Ooh, hell yeah.
Brandon: 16 + 0 + 2 for fame, so 18.
Eric: 18? Oh, wow. This came out really good. Yeah, you're getting the word out. You see, like, people are getting emails and notifications. Quinn is announcing it. Danny has decided to do something nice for you.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Carmen is really getting the word out. I think enough that people are actually starting to, like, make whole weekend's out of it. You know, maybe they leave on Friday, some of them or they're getting, like, putting carpools together to go do any of this stuff. Ben and Jerry's holds a rally to fund against a real election fraud of Republicans, you know, gerrymandering and passing laws making it harder for people to vote. And I think that people are actually doing it.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Carmen is reporting a lot of really great responses.
Brandon: It's really smart to plan for a weekend because when you want to eat that amount of ice cream you need to just like immediately go back to your hotel room, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: You gotta. Yeah.
Julia: All the Airbnbs in Burlington are booked.
[Brandon hums in agreement]
Eric: Yeah. I think also, they're extending it because this is in the fall, and there aren't, like, really great, like, take days off until Thanksgiving, so I think that like people were making a whole three day weekend out of it. So they're like, "Ah, we'll mosey our way back to Laketown city on Monday.
Amanda: Yeah, lots more PTO in this fictional universe than there is in ours?
[Eric laughs]
Eric: Yeah, absolutely.
Brandon: I think they're probably taking Monday off? Right, Eric?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Well, my last step was I was going to see if I could ask my friend and collaborator, Jake to call in some kind of like, gas leak or closure of federal buildings, or emergency fumigation in the city center. And maybe we can, like, close all buildings and schools in the city on Monday.
Brandon: It's smart. It's smart.
Eric (as Jake): Yeah, I'll see what I can do. I'm just looking around. They're probably lapsed on something. I'll figure it out. Yeah, no problem.
Brandon: You sound like fucking Danny from Grease.
Eric: Yeah, that's the closest, that's the closest thing I can do. Jealous Sandy? Don't make me laugh.
[Eric fake laughs]
[Amanda laughs]
Amanda: Don't make me laugh. Heh.
Eric: Yo, it's the closest I can do.
[midroll sfx pings]
Amanda: Hey, it’s Amanda. Right at the top here everybody, we have a very important SCHEDULING UPDATE for the rest of Campaign 2. Ready? Are you ready? Ok.Here is the nug.There are just FIVE MORE STORY EPISODES OF CAMPAIGN 2. [gasps] I wrote a gasp there into my script because I’m so excited. Ok.Here’s what that will look like: Next week, we’ll do an Afterparty for the last two episodes. A lot has happened, and it’s time to talk it through.
Then, three story episodes, an AP before the final stretch, the last two eps of the campaign, and a very special Afterparty at the End of the Book.Eight weeks. Five story eps. Three APs. Got it? Eric made a very nice graphic we’ll share on social and in the Discord for you to keep track of the schedule going forward. Oh guys, we’re so excited. What happens then you ask? Then it’ll be summertime, baby, and JTP is here to stay. It’s time to try something new… and what’s a tasty little treat I can say, what’s a little nugget I can leave you with? Here. Camp JTP will be reading this summer.
Exciting stuff!! Ok but we also have to welcome to our newest patron over at patreon.com/jointhepartypod! Zach, thank you so very much for joining. You’re helping us get to our goal of 600 patrons. If we can get to 600, we’ll commission a giant COMIC BOOK COVER of all the PCs and NPCs of Campaign 2. It will be a FREE digital download for all Patrons, and available for everyone for purchase as a physical poster on our merch store. Go to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and become a patron, or tell someone to join up if you already are one! Again, the campaign is rattling towards a close, just eight more weeks people. I know we can make this happen before the end of campaign two.
I would also love to ask you to check out the other shows that are a part of the Multitude collective. This week we’d love to recommend HORSE, the podcast all about ridiculous stories, internet drama, and some of the biggest and baddest personalities out there today—all from the world of basketball.
Hosts Adam Mamawala and Mike Schubert want the world to know how unbelievable the history and culture of basketball is. Whether it’s a shot-by-shot breakdown of “Getcha Head in the Game” from High School Musical or a thorough discussion of the best and worst food at NBA arenas, the HORSE Boys have got you covered. New episodes release every other Monday. Just search HORSE in your podcast app, or check out horsehoops.com.
We are sponsored this week by Notion. In a remote/hybrid world, when information is scattered across tools, it’s hard to have the full context to get your work done, especially when working cross functionally. Notion provides a home base for your organization and your team by combining note-taking, document sharing, project management, and wikis into one tool. What sets Notion apart from other project management tools is that it not only allows you to be more efficient in your work life, but can seamlessly transition into being a useful tool in your personal life! Learn more and get started for free at notion.so. That’s notion.so to help you take the first step toward an organized, happier team, today.
Finally, we’re sponsored by Inked Gaming. Everyone has a go-to shop where they get their mousepads, playmats, dice bags, and other essential gaming goods. Inked Gaming is a great company to keep in mind for yours and they’ve joined the party, so to speak, this week as a sponsor. With such a large selection of premium gear listed on their site, Inked Gaming really is that one-stop-shop built by gamers for gamers. You’ll even find some custom products in their collection, which can be personalized with unique designs that come straight from your imagination. Having Team Inked as a sponsor is beneficial to us and to our listeners, especially since they’re offering exclusive perks in the form of a 10% OFF discount. All you have to do is go to inkedgaming.com/jointheparty and use the promo code: JoinTheParty at checkout. The discount will then automatically apply to your order.
And now, back to the show!
[midroll sfx pings]
Brandon: I'll go talk to my dad.
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Brandon: One night late after training, Milo's probably gonna stop by the political campaign’s, like, headquarters because I'm sure Hank is, like, in the back office, you know, correlating receipts to expenses and blah, blah, blah.
Eric: Absolutely. As you go into the Hank Lane for mayor office, it is still bustling. Like, people are running around copying flyers, putting together Facebook events on the phone, phone banking. When everyone sees you, they say.
Eric (as Stranger): Milo!
Brandon (as Milo): Hey!
Eric: They try to give you high fives. A lot of them do the thing. They intentionally miss high fiving you and they say like, oh, must have went invisible on me. Okay.
Brandon: I was literally about to say sometimes with certain people, when I give them a high five I just go incorporeal.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so they know it and you can, you can step into the back where your dad is hanging out. And honestly, as you walk in the doors open, because Hank says there's no reason for me to ever close the door. What am I? Holding government secrets in there?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: So, his office door is never closed, so you can just walk in it.
Brandon: Wonderful. I timidly knock on the door.
[Milo knocks]
Eric (as Hank): Hey, I have an open door policy. What, am I holding government secrets in here? Come on in.
Brandon (as Milo): Hi dad. It's me, your son.
Eric (as Hank): Mi-- Milo, close the door.
Brandon (as Milo): Am I a government secret?
Eric (as Hank): [whispers] Yes.
[Brandon and Julia chuckles]
[crowd chattering]
Brandon: I close the door.
Eric (as Hank): Oh my gosh. You are, you're okay. I'm so, I have so many questions and a lot of them are inside baseball things about work, about if you, what happened, but what? Yeah, tell me everything. Are you okay? Did you get it?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, we did. It was, it went a bit, a little bit. A little bit more south than we were expecting and hoping but it all ended up okay.
Eric (as Hank): Yeah, I haven't heard anything from OTA chatter, so they didn't know or they're not saying it which is good. That's good.
Brandon (as Milo): I think luckily, like, the shame of having their, you know, most secretive things broken into is probably helping us in, like, not wanting to get the word out about it so...
Eric (as Hank): Yeah. Yeah, the director does not like it being known that someone can, you know, she pretends she's a Norse giant or something sometimes so, you know. She, she had a lot, there's a lot of stubbornness, a lot of pride wrapped up in that so yeah, no, that's, that's definitely true. Well, I'm so happy everything worked out. That's great.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, everything worked out great. I did uh, one weird thing did happen. I want to just uh, let you know about. It doesn't really change anything. Doesn't affect us in any way but uh, I might have some, a new, a new mission to go on, but I want to let you know.
Eric (as Hank): Okay.
Brandon (as Milo): So yeah, we, I went into the death world again. I hung out with Anubis. They say hi.
Eric (as Hank): Hi Anubis.
Brandon (as Milo): They said if you want to come down at some point, and hang out and chill, we can.
Eric: I also love that Anubis said I'm going to check the bylaws and you're like Yeah, Dad, come on in.
[Eric laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Just uh, yeah, you just, you know, talk through everything because Anubis did sort of show me my history, where I come from, my birth parents. You know how you always call me your little baby Moses?
Eric (as Hank): I do. Yeah. You're right. I do do that sometimes.
Brandon (as Milo): Because you found me in a wicker basket floating on the sea, on the river.
Eric (as Hank): And you, you watched so much Prince of Egypt when you were five, so that was part of it but yes, I do. Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Well, it turns out, you know, that wasn't completely untrue. Sort of, apparently, my parents, Cindy and Ralph, sort of put me in a metaphorical basket across the seas of time, and landed to you. Again, doesn't change anything. Just learned it. You're still my dad, and I love you and, but I might want to go, you know, to another timeline at some point and just see if I can say hi, if that's, if that's cool.
Eric (as Hank): Well--
Brandon (as Milo): You can come, if you wanna die, it's fun.
Eric (as Hank): Well, Milo, I'm glad you found out. And you figured this all out for your own.
Brandon (as Milo): Did you know?
Eric (as Hank): When there's a basket, usually there's a note attached to it.
Brandon: Son of a bitch!
Eric (as Hank): But I needed you to find out on your own. And I'm glad you did. I wasn't anticipating you finding out in this way. I thought if it came up, or we were able to talk about it, or you asked me about it, I would tell you, but you know, while you were in there the shark mirror appeared in the last few months before I left the OTA and I put it away. And if you found it on your way in there, I'm happy you did. This was not my, it was not my, before you think that I tricked you--
Brandon: You sneaky little bastard.
Eric (as Hank): Which you don't want me to think it was not my place to tell you this. And if you wanted to figure it out, which I'm glad you did, and Anubis helped, and Tuna helped, I'm sure, I'm really happy you did. And I'm glad you were able to make the decision for yourself.
Brandon (as Milo): No, I appreciate that. And yeah, I mean, like, you know, you're my dad, there's no reason to ask about it previously, because I have, I have my parents. I have all the parents I need, so uh, and then Milo gives Hank an awkward hug across the desk.
Eric: Yeah, your dad receives an awkward hug.
Eric (as Hank): I will say that you were, we're gonna have to figure something out because you were explicitly sent from another timeline because it was killing you as a baby, so I don't know if you going back is probably for the best, but we'll figure it out. Well.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric (as Hank): We can figure something out.
Brandon (as Milo): We'll talk to Anubis about it. Yeah, I get that.
Eric (as Hank): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Maybe there's a bubble boy situation I can do you know?
Eric (as Hank): Yeah, yeah. No, I'm sure. Yeah, that's okay.
Brandon (as Milo): Can I have some of this candy in your candy bowl?
Eric (as Hank): Yeah. Can we stop talking over the desk?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric (as Hank): Okay, let go. Milo let go.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Brandon: And then Milo takes a Reese's from the candy bowl and puts it in, in the mini fridge.
Eric (as Hank): I'm just kidding. I'm still holding. I'm still holding onto you. I was joking, I'm still holding on.
Amanda: Hank!
Eric: Hell, yeah. Wonderful. Later on, maybe three days out from the product launch, Aggie you get a text message from an unlisted number. It says.
Eric (as Sommelier): Hey, I need you for 24-hours. I'm cashing in my favor.
Amanda (as Aggie): When and where? Also no favor takes 24 hours. Give me the deliverable.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as Sommelier): Well, we have to drive eight hours, do something and drive eight more hours so meet me at Thornhill parking lot.
Eric: The Sommelier gives you coordinates and says.
Eric (as Sommelier): 8am tomorrow.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, where are they?
Eric: Here's my question. I'm gonna ask you Amanda for this. Amanda, would you like Julia and Brandon to get off the call while we resolve this or not?
Julia: Yes. Yes.
Brandon: Do it.
Julia: Do it. Do it.
Amanda: That sounds great. Okay.
[Brandon screams]
Julia: I'm scared.
[Amanda and Eric laugh]
Eric: Hell, yes. Okay, so the coordinates are to a liquor store in Dover, Delaware.
Amanda: Joe Biden's own Delaware?
Eric: Joe Biden's Delaware.
Amanda: Alright, I'll take the train down. And I'm going to text Danny and say "Hey, bro, are you at the warehouse? Do you need an excuse to get out and about for a couple hours?"
Eric: I'm gonna roll to see if Danny's available.
[Amanda hums]
[dice clanks]
Eric: I rolled a Nat1. Danny says.
Eric (as Danny): Sorry, Banksy is making us do, like, roommate bonding time. I can't get away, sorry.
Amanda: Okay, I'll then text Quinn and say.
Eric: With a Nat, with a Nat1, I think that you don't get a chance to text anybody else.
Amanda: That’s it? Okay, I'll uh, I'll hop on the Amtrak and I'm going to give Tegan the coordinates and write them down on an envelope and leave them in my cottage and say if something happens the Sommelier lured me to this address. Love you. Sorry.
Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, I think that's fine. I think Tegan texts you like a grape emoji as just, like, a signal because Tegan doesn't want to say anything but Tegan wants to say that they, they got your, they got your message. They text you a grape emoji.
Amanda: I send back a blueberry.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: Alright, yeah. So, you take the train down. You probably, you get to the parking lot at the liquor store. It's like Dead Fish Liquor Store.
Amanda: Eurgh!
Eric: And then you see, like, a black Toyota Accord pulls up.
Amanda: Oh yeah, I wanted to say too, I'm dressed in all black. I have on sunglasses. I have on a black hat. I'm wearing, like, nothing that's identifiable as Multitool or even Aggie O'Hare.
Eric: Absolutely. And I think that the Sommelier pulls up in this nondescript car and says.
Eric (as Sommelier): Get in. I could have given you a ride. I'm not, I'm not expensing your train ticket.
Amanda (as Aggie): I can't justify the emissions of a multi state car trip.
Eric (as Sommelier): That's fair. You don't know if I pulled this car in my body or not, so it's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): Eurgh! Do you have any, like, restrictions on that? Like, I mean, my name is Multitool. Like, you would think that I could do the same thing but there's only a few shapes that I can really, you know, do.
Eric (as Sommelier): Get in the car.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
Eric: The Sommelier then starts driving, gets on the highway, and gets off at an exit like 30 minutes out, starts driving on some back roads. You take a look at the Sommelier. Sommelier is also wearing, like, all black but there's like visible rips all over her secret agent black, all black outfit.
Amanda: Like sexy, artful?
Eric: No, it's like, you know.
Amanda: What, what's the vibe, Eric?
Eric: In the wrong artist's hands, it's sexy, but she's doing it to have openings on all, in all places for her to pull stuff out. She has, like, she does have one over, she does have one over her chest that, like, a comic book artist would exploit for.
Amanda: There is the boob window but also she can.
Eric: There's a boob window, but there's also like.
Amanda: Cross things out. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, there's like two, one in her calf. Like, where you would put, like, a secret agent gun.
Amanda: Okay, so now.
Eric: Like a holster.
Amanda: Now my headcanon is that the, like, 2017-18 trend and athleisure to have random cutouts everywhere was inspired by the Sommelier.
Eric: Exactly. Yeah, very similar to that like that but instead it's like full rip so she can access her skin. She pulls up to, like, a nondescript building. You're about 1000 feet out. She says.
Eric (as Sommelier): Alright, we got to get in there as fast as possible. There's guards. There's other security things in there. We get to a server room and then we get out.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay, anything else I have to know?
Eric (as Sommelier): Nope. That's it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
[music plays]
Eric: Cool. Let's just montage this here. There are some guards outside, so you and the Sommelier walk up, what do you do?
Amanda: I'm just gonna go for, like, a stunning strike and try to just, like, give them a kind of like back of the neck karate chop or punch that'll knock them out but not really harm them.
Eric: Sure. Give me a stealth check. And then we'll do an attack roll.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Okay, that's an eight on stealth.
Eric: Okay, do an attack roll.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Fuck! These dice are banished. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a luck point and reroll it.
Eric: Okay.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Oh, Nat 20.
Eric: Nat 20, okay. So yeah.
Amanda: Love when a luck point comes together.
Eric: Yeah. Do you just, like, walk up? Like, you just walk up and you're like boom, boom.
Amanda: Yeah, I pretend to be texting. After observing Gen Z, I realized that just pretending to be texting will get you ignored a lot of the time.
Eric: Yeah, the guard walks up to you and says.
Eric (as Guard): Hey, there's no texting here.
Eric: And I think, yeah, you take out all of the guards and you also see the Sommelier, like, pulls a bat out of her calf and then slams a few people with it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Whoa!
Eric (as Sommelier): How is that any different than what, what you're doing?
Amanda (as Aggie): Whatever. Let's go.
Eric: Okay. You open the door and there's, like, a very long hallway , but there's like Mission Impossible style lasers everywhere.
Amanda: Sure, sure.
Eric: How do you uh, how do you cross?
Amanda: I'm just gonna stretch my limbs and kind of twister my way through them. Like, if I stretch my body, then I have a great deal of control over how I weave through the laser beams or not.
Eric: Cool. Yeah, I think if it's Mission Impossible style lasers. Like, you know, they're shooting in all directions there, so it's not just on the floor. Like, you know, like somewhere like crossing through the Z axis.
Amanda: You know that the only heist movie I've ever seen is Ocean's 12, so is it like that? Are they moving?
Eric: Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure they're moving and everything.
Amanda: Okay. Yeah, it's like I'm playing Twister. Or am the cat burglar in Ocean's 12.
Eric: Hell yes. Make a dexterity roll. And I'll give you advantage because it was a great idea.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Good thing, I got a 5 and then a 19 + uh 4 for 23.
Eric: Cool. Yeah, you were able to twist your way through all them.
[gymnastic sounds]
Amanda (as Aggie): What? Like, it's hard?
[Eric laughs]
Eric (as Sommelier): Like, you're not even gonna help me to cross? That's fine. I can take care of it.
Amanda (as Aggie): No, what do you need in the server room?
Eric (as Sommelier): Oh, no, I'm coming with you.
Eric: And she, like, reaches into her chest and pulls out, like, an aerosol spray can and sprays, and just sprays it into the air and then walks through.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay, you could have gone first, damn.
Eric (as Sommelier): That's not how favors work.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
Eric (as Sommelier): Alright.
Eric: So, you walk through after dealing with more lasers and more, and more guards and you walk into the server room. The server room.
Amanda: Looks like a Bitcoin farm.
Eric: Yeah, it just looks like a Bitcoin farm, right? Like, there's just like computers all over the room. It's hot. You just hear the hum of many, many computers going at the same time.
Eric (as Sommelier): Don't touch anything. If you don't touch anything. I'll give you a prize.
Amanda: I stand there with my arms crossed.
Eric: Hell yes. The Sommelier starts, like, reaching down her legs and pulls out, like, as many micro usb as possible.
Amanda (as Aggie): Are different areas of your body for, like, different materials?
Eric (as Sommelier): I'm extremely not telling you that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
Eric: And she like, puts them in all the different, all the computers. She waits a few seconds while she puts– puts a USB device in another one.
Eric: It's like the third act of Iron Man 1. Eric, you know all my references. Come on.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: And Obadiah Stane is like [in a deep voice] Nice to see you, Pepper.
Eric: Yeah, but the Obadiah Stane does not show up.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, it takes like five minutes. You want to ask her anything while she's there? You have some time to talk.
Amanda (as Aggie): So, what can I ask you about?
Eric (as Sommelier): Why don't you ask me a question and then you see how it goes?
Amanda (as Aggie): What neighborhood do you live in?
Eric (as Sommelier): Not telling you that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Um, ever been to a Mountain Lobster's game?
Eric (as Sommelier): Yeah, of course.
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, how's, how's things with your girl?
Eric (as Sommelier): Good.
Amanda (as Aggie): Hehe, knew it!
Eric (as Sommelier): That's fine. I didn't give any information other than saying the word good.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, you did.
Eric (as Sommelier): I hate that you're indebted to me.
Amanda (as Aggie): I've got two sisters, man. I know. I know how this game is played.
Eric (as Sommelier): Okay, fine.
Eric: So then she pulls out all the USB drives. She puts them, like, in a, in a little pocket that's on, like, her tactical vest. And she tosses you a USB drive. A little thumb drive.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thanks.
Eric (as Sommelier): Yeah, I figured you might need this. Gutenberg doesn't like to be hot.
Amanda (as Aggie): What do you mean be hot? Like, we know his style is bad, but what else?
Eric (as Sommelier): Great burn while I'm giving you really important information. Okay. You know, you know how some companies, like, do investor profiles of other investors? You know, real super rich people shit. They put private investigators on people to figure out everything they need to know.
Amanda (as Aggie): Sure.
Eric (as Sommelier): Yeah, so here is a profile of John Press. And notoriously he hates being hot.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you. That's actually so helpful.
Eric (as Sommelier): Thanks for not touching anything. Even if it was a prize like you're a little dog or a big dog? You're like a dachshund. Yeah, you're a stretchy dog.
Amanda (as Aggie): A long one.
Eric (as Sommelier): A long dog.
Amanda (as Aggie): I'll take that. Worse things to be than a long dog you know.
Eric (as Sommelier): For sure.
Eric: Alright, and then you just go back the way you came already, you've already dismantled so then she invites you back in the car.
Eric (as Sommelier): Do you want to drive back to the train station? You want to drive back to Laketown city?
Amanda (as Aggie): No, I'll. Listen, the emissions are happening whether I'm in them or not, so I'll hop in.
Eric (as Sommelier): Alright.
Eric: While, while she's driving back the eight hours back to Laketown City from Delaware, she gives you a laptop for you to check out the USB drive on.
Amanda: Sick, I’ll do it.
Eric: Cool. So yeah, exactly what she said, they're basically private investigator was tracking John Press, like inserted himself in the mailroom to, like, figure out things about him then became like an intern assistant to like, figure all this stuff out about him. He needs all the temperatures in all the rooms to be 65 degrees, has to be set that. If it's any hotter, he gets really, really, really, really mad. Also, they noticed that he can't concentrate when it's any hotter than that. He gets very sweaty, like pulls at his clothes. And even, like, his technology starts to smudge while it's that hot as well which seems strange so like the private investigator is like I don't know if his laptops are so used to it being chilly, but if it's any hotter than that, PowerPoints just go to shit.
Amanda: Huh.
Eric: That's all the interesting information, like, has his sandwich ordeed and stuff like that. But you know, nothing interesting like his Myers Briggs is on there as well.
Amanda: Yeah, no, I'll definitely take the thumb drive home and, and show the Sommelier my, my sister Quinn's friends Taylor's music.
Eric (as Sommelier): Nice. Taylor Swift. Great. Are we gonna? We're just gonna do Taylor's version right?
Amanda (as Aggie): You know her?
Eric (as Sommelier): Everyone knows Taylor Swift.
Amanda: Oh, I guess I do too. Does she go to a lot of parties?
Eric: The Sommelier just looks at you and says.
Eric (as Sommelier): No, I've never been to a party with Taylor Swift.
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, hit me up. If Milo doesn't murder you, I'll invite you to my holiday party next year.
Eric (as Sommelier): You know, that's a good point. Can you keep him from doing that though?
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Sommelier): It's a real cramp in my style.
Amanda (as Aggie): No, we're working on it. Working on it real hard.
Eric (as Sommelier): Great. I really appreciate that.
Amanda (as Aggie): I appreciate this. I, you know, I should have specified it should have been an in-state favor or even better an in-city favor, but this is actually very helpful and we will absolutely keep you posted on our plans to get Gutenberg out of the picture.
Eric (as Sommelier): I really appreciate how communicative you are. It's, it's really nice working with someone who's able to help.
Amanda (as Aggie): Listen, enemy of my enemy is my colleague.
Eric (as Sommelier): I'll take that. Usually it's the person who's paying me the most is my colleague, but that works too.
Amanda: Hits repeat on Taylor's version.
Eric (as Sommelier): Yeah, we're happy, sweetest little lovely at the same time.
Eric: You drive back to like density and I'm sure she doesn't drop you off at Dr. Morrow's place, but she drops you off somewhere in Laketown city.
Amanda: I'll get the sky tram from, yeah, the city center.
Eric: Yeah. And I think like 30 minutes after she drops you off, uou get like a bunch of like New York Times and Wall Street Journal notifications that, like, a CEO of a company was exposed for, like, corporate malfeasance and is, and is fired and there's a big scandal. There's, like, also another company that was exposed for using, like, mercury in their children's toys. And that got exposed as well. And then these company stocks are just tumbling.
Amanda: Eric, not to give you creative notes, but it is possible for you to call this the Potomac papers, because it's a data leak from Delaware so...
Eric: Yeah. It's called, it's actually called the No Sales Tax Papers.
[Amanda chuckles]
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright, we're back.
Julia: Hello.
Brandon: Oh, hello. They're both dripping wet and had to change clothes and uh.
Julia: You're turning it into a sex thing, Brandon. Come on.
Eric: Oh, no.
Brandon: Oh, I didn't mean to. And Amanda had a bloody nose.
Amanda: I came back to Brandon saying the words dripping wet. And I'm like, say what now?
Eric: Hell yeah. Julia.
Julia: Yeah?
Eric: Val gets a text from Hitomi and be like.
Eric (as Hitomi): [through the phone] Hey, babe. What's up? It's nice that you're hanging out at Dr. Morrow's place, looking after, looking after the hou--, looking after The House.
[chuckles]
Julia: Capital T, Capital H.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. And Hitomi just.
Eric (as Hitomi): Hey, while you were gone, I've been doing some digging on the thing that we figured out at SUNY LTC.
Julia (as Val): Okay, what's up?
Eric (as Hitomi): So I actually did more digging into Kathleen Devi. And I actually went to her baby shower. I found her on, I found her, like, on WhatsApp and then I messaged her and I went to her baby shower and like, we… I did spend $120 on a Diaper Genie. I'm sorry, but I had to sell it.
Julia (as Val): No, it's okay.
Eric (as Hitomi): But yeah, Kathleen Devi is 37 and, like, six foot two.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Hitomi): But she also doesn't use a wheelchair. She's not a wheelchair user.
Julia (as Val): Huh.
Eric (as Hitomi): So, I live in that. You know, you told me that I've like, well, now I know who Multitool is, so I figured, you know, was trying to be-- I talked to Tegan. I reached out to Tegan Murphy.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Hitomi): And Tegan--
Julia (as Val): That's cute.
Eric (as Hitomi): Tegan was just like, so bored being at a cabin trying to write for, like, a month or something. I brought them a router. Tegan was so stoked about it. Tegan is doing some investigative journalism for me. They called it SUNY LTC, right? And they were, like, asking for an interview or whatever about college or some story? I don't know.
Julia (as Val): Sure.
Eric (as Hitomi): And the Secretary actually gave Tegan a phone number and address, but here's the wild thing. The phone number was to Salimoni, your cousin?
Julia (as Val): What?
Eric (as Hitomi): And Salimoni was like, "Hey, do you want to buy any mushrooms that are super secret? I also have a connect in New York. His name is Mr. Pinstripe, so Tegan is working on that.
Julia: Fuck! Damn it, Brandon.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hitomi): So Tegan is working on that story right now.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Hitomi): Also Tegan checked the address. And it's like, it is an empty lot that is next to the big Monty on the outside of town.
Julia (as Val): Okay, that's fucking weird.
Eric (as Hitomi): So weird.
Eric: Why don't you make a history check for me?
Julia (as Val): [sarcastically] Oh, my best skill. Thank you, sir.
[dice clanks]
Julia: A 3.
Eric: Okay.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: I know nothing. It's fine. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go to this field then. I guess. This empty lot near the big Monty.
Eric: Yeah, you go to the empty lot. Absolutely.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Cool. Do you, you want to go by yourself?
Julia: I guess?
Eric: It's up to you.
Julia: Sure. Yeah, all by myself. If it's family drama, I don't want to involve anyone else.
Eric: Okay, yeah, sure. When do you want to go to the empty lot?
Julia: I think I'll probably just go, depends on what I was doing at the time that I got the text from Hitomi but I'll probably just go ASAP.
Eric: That's great. Yeah, you head over to the empty lot. I think that maybe um, Hitomi hit you up later on in the day, so it's like twilight now. The sun is already set behind the giant Monty outside of town. You know at the Welcome Center and now, like, someone, they've turned on the neon. So again, like, the neon light is cast over this fall evening, and you're waiting there for a little while and then you hear.
[motorcycle revs]
Eric: As the Knight of Mirrors pulls up.
Julia (as Val): Sup?
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Sup, citizen.
Julia (as Val): Whatcha doin’ here?
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Nothing. I'm not really sure who's hanging out in a weird abandoned lot near the Monty, near the Monty statue.
Julia (as Val): That's an excellent question. I think it could be similarly solved by being who lists the empty lot next to the Monty statue as their home address. Someone like Kathleen Devi, maybe.
Eric: The uh, the Knight of Mirrors, like, claps slowly and being like.
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Well, well, well, you figured out my college puzzle.
Julia (as Val): Tha-- Thank you? Do you live in the big Monty? I bet you live in the big Monty, don't you?
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): No.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): No, I don't.
Julia (as Val): You sure? That'd be pretty cool.
Eric: The Knight of Mirrors reaches up to their helmet and pops it off and you see that this is the woman who you saw from the gala. The wheelchair user who was wearing uh, who said she was Kathleen Devi in the all black wide leg jumpsuit.
Julia: Val just goes immediately.
Julia (as Val): Oh, thank god, you're not a robot.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): What, what?
Julia (as Val): In another timeline, the Knight of Mirrors exists, but it's just a sentient motorcycle.
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): You three are so weird.
Julia (as Val): So, what's your real name? Because I know Kathleen Devi is a pregnant woman who my girlfriend went to her baby shower.
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Yeah. My name is Priya Moon. It is very nice to meet you, Vulcani.
Julia (as Val): That's such a cool name.
Eric (as Priya): Thank you. Ah, it is not Kathleen Devi. I found, like, another Indian name that was on the list and I just swiped it and no one asked me about it, so I just kind of walked in.
[Brandon chuckles]
Julia (as Val): Yeah. It's kind of sad how people are like that, huh?
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, I mean, it's to my benefit, it's definitely to my benefit. I'm you know, listen, when I, I ran into all of you at the gala and then when you decided to whole– to go to the club that I was ostensibly the administrator for, I figured I, it's kind of got to the point where someone should know. And also, like, I don't know, Aggie, and Milo told everyone their real names. And you know, I've always wanted to keep it strictly professional, so it felt, it only felt, it only felt even.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah. I don't have a wife by the way.
Julia (as Val): I was gonna ask. That was my next question.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, well, you know, some uh, you got to pretend to be Superman, and tell citizens to move back and that I need to go and have anniversary time with my wife, too-- if people are gonna think that you're the masquerading best detective in all of Laketown city, who solves crimes and beats people up. It's, I'm glad you figured this out, because I met Aggie and Milo here before.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Priya): I'm also surprised because you were, you're in the mob?
Julia (as Val): I'm not in the mob.
Eric (as Priya): Hmm. Are you sure?
Julia (as Val): I'm super sure that I'm not in the mob.
Eric (as Priya): You know, I can figure it out. Regardless of what you tell me.
Julia (as Val): Okay, hold on.
Julia: And Val takes off their sunglasses. It's like.
Julia (as Val): Hi, I'm Val. I'm not in the fucking mob. My family members are but I'm not.
Eric (as Priya): Okay. I understand. Listen, I am. I can't turn it off. I can't turn the detective thing off. I'm sorry.
Julia (as Val): It's cool.
Eric (as Priya): It's um, it's just like I don't, no one knows I do this, you know. So, you three are, like, my emergency contact now.
Julia (as Val): That's fine.
Eric (as Priya): Right? So, I just needed to let you know that, so now you know who I am. You can't find anything about me because I've kind of scru-- I've used fake names and scrubbed myself from everything anyway. So, I don't know, you wouldn't be able to figure out where I live or where I went to college or even what my social security number is just so you don't try. I just want to be helpful about that, but you know, yeah, but my name is Priya Moon.
Julia (as Val): Cool. I do have a follow up question about that.
Eric (as Priya): Sure.
Julia (as Val): Not about your name. When I was figuring out this information via another person, they said that when they called the phone number that you left.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): That it was someone selling those power up mushrooms.
[Priya hums in agreement]
Julia (as Val): What's up with that?
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, well, it seems like the Laketown city and New York City organized crime syndicates have kind of dropped the painting racket and are now into Vitamin M mushrooms. Seems bad.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, it is bad, but my question is why? Why did that phone number, why, why did your "phone number" go to someone selling mushrooms?
Eric (as Priya): Oh, I figured you'd want to know and I swapped. I figured it out, swapped it in the profile and, you know, figured you we'd all figure it out here. I, you found all the clues. Mr. Snowman, you figured it out.
Julia (as Val): I'll be quite honest with you, I knew that information before I called that phone number.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, but it did make you show up here, didn't it?
Julia (as Val): I mean, yeah. Mostly figuring out who you were made me show up here but...
Eric (as Priya): That's what I, it's what I wanted. I need to fill out my emergency contact.
Julia (as Val): I'm just really glad you are not a sentient motorcycle.
Eric (as Priya): Me too. Definitely. There is something I did want to know. Do you? Do you vibrate so fast that now things light on fire?
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Priya): Hmm.
Julia (as Val): You know how friction causes fire?
Eric (as Priya): I have heard of friction.
Julia (as Val): Yes. So now I vibrate enough that the friction of me creates fire.
Eric (as Priya): Cool. No, I like that. My power is uh, I call it pack bonding.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Priya): That uh, when I spend enough time with an object, then like, it's like an extension of my body then, like it's a-- I can make it, make it do stuff. This is just a really cool motorcycle I found.
Julia (as Val): It is a very cool motorcycle.
Eric (as Priya): It is. Yeah, so uh, that's just like how my, that's just like how my whole thing works.
Julia (as Val): That's cool.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): I love that for you.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah. I figured you're my emergency contact, should I tell you, like, my backstory and all that stuff? Is that what you want?
Julia (as Val): Fuck yeah. Hit me with it.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, sure. So um, yeah. So yeah, you saw me at the gala. I used a wheelchair. I can walk. It's just like my joints are so bad that if I walk for too long, they're like, my knees will pop out.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Priya): So, I don't, I don't do that, but I do have ooh, I have a family. I'm revealing that information.
Julia (as Val): What? But no wife?
Eric (as Priya): No, no. No wife. Greatest Detective in the world does not have a wife so uh...
Julia (as Val): Maybe, maybe your next uh, your next case should be love.
Eric (as Priya): Oh my god.
Brandon: Got 'em.
Eric (as Priya): So, you know, one night I, I saw a bunch of guys, like, bear down on a woman and try to steal her purse and run away, and run away with it. And, you know, I take, I take Tae Bo classes, I take boxing classes and I, I, I punch. I took them out and I, I have incredible capability, so I took, I just kind of took them out, but like, I couldn't tell anyone because, like, if I told someone that I beat up a bunch of thugs, then they wouldn't believe me. Or they would tell me not to do that because I would get hurt. And so, I kept not telling people, but I kept beating up thugs and I found a cool motorcycle. And I kept not telling people and then I put on a whole outfit and covered some football pads in cloth and mirrors. And then I kept not telling people and now extremely no one knows so...
Julia (as Val): I get it.
Eric (as Priya): You know, you just, you spend so much time keeping something a secret. It continues to be a secret now it's just, like the worst thing. So yeah, and then if they would, everyone would be so mad at me if I told them now, so don't tell anyone ever and if you got close to them, I would do. I would take you, I would take you out, citizen.
[Julia snorts]
Julia: Val literally laughs like, okay.
Eric: No, that's fair. That's fair.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Val): Do you feel better now getting that off your chest?
[Priya sighs]
Eric (as Priya): Yes, I, very, very much so.
Julia (as Val): Tight.
Eric (as Priya): It's like I'm also allergic. No, I'm not telling you my allergies, backstory’s what's on that card.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, someone recently was trying to learn my allergies because they wanted my weaknesses. And that was weird.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, 'cuz they kill you immediately if they put your allergies in front of you. Of course.
Julia (as Val): That's true.
Eric (as Priya): That's why I'm not telling you my allergies.
Julia (as Val): Okay, I don't need to know that. I mean--
Eric (as Priya): It's penicillin. Am I lying? Am I not lying?
Julia (as Val): I don't know, but as your emergency contact, I probably should know that information.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Priya): I am not telling you. It may or may not be penicillin, that's all I'm giving you.
Julia (as Val): Okay. I'll tell the doctor if you get brought in, you may or may not have penicillin allergy.
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as Priya): That's fine. I will be at a veterinarian who I trust, who stitches up all my injuries.
Julia (as Val): Okay, so that vet will call me and be like, Yo, she allergic to penicillin? Sorry, I didn't ask your pronouns. She/her or they/them?
Eric (as Priya): Yes, she/her.
Julia (as Val): Great. Cool.
Eric (as Priya): Val, is they– is they/them?
Julia (as Val): Yes.
Eric (as Priya): Got it. Yes.
Julia (as Val): Val and Vulcani, they/them.
Eric (as Priya): Cool, cool. Yeah, you can tell. I kind of hoped that Aggie and Milo would be here but tell them don't tell anyone else.
Julia (as Val): Okay. I wasn't sure. I'll be quite honest with you, when I called that phone number my cousin picked up and so I wasn't sure what was happening.
Eric (as Priya): Oh, you're related to Salimoni? I'm so sorry.
[Brandon chuckles]
Julia (as Val): Yeah, no, it's, it's not fun.
Eric (as Priya): No.
Julia (as Val): It's not a good time.
Eric (as Priya): Cool. Yeah, but yeah, no, please, please. You can tell. Don't, don't tell anyone else other than those two because like, you know, I'll see you. I mean, I'll see you out there and yeah.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, I mean, what am I gonna do, you know? Reveal it at a press conference?
[Amanda chuckles]
Eric (as Priya): Yes.
[Brandon snickers]
Julia (as Val): I won't.
Eric (as Priya): Thank you.
Julia (as Val): I have a good track record of not revealing things at press conferences unlike some people.
Eric (as Priya): Tell them not to either, please.
Julia (as Val): Gotcha.
Brandon: Rude.
Amanda: Fair, fair.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: Alright. Well.
Julia: Rude but fair.
Eric (as Priya): You know, I've never done anything like this before, so I'm just gonna go.
Julia (as Val): Cool. Can I shake your hand?
Eric (as Priya): Yeah, absolutely.
Eric: She leans over the bike and then offers her hand.
Julia: And Val shakes it.
Eric: And then the Knight of Mirrors ties her hair back up. Do any investigation check for me.
Julia: [sarcastically] Yes, one of my best skills.
[dice rolls]
Julia: Uh, nope. But I rolled an 18, so we're fine.
Eric: Yeah, as Priya is messing around with the Knight of Mirrors helmet you look and like. She looks tired. She looks really tired. There are really heavy bags under her eyes. Like, is there still like a little bit of, like, eyeliner or kohl from when she was at the gala? Like, when is the last time she washed her face? Like, it? She looks, she looks out of it. For all of the like, on the ball analyses that she's giving you like the Batman persona she's trying to give you she's, she's tired.
Julia: I think before she leaves, Val is just like.
Julia (as Val): I just want you to know, like, I super appreciate you trusting this information with me. And you know, you can trust the three of us to be there if you need it to you know, you can lean on us.
Eric (as Priya): I had hoped that and I appreciate you saying that. I will think about it, but I mean, you already know my name, so that's more than anyone else. I guess that's what trust is.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. And we could work on that.
Eric (as Priya): Yeah. Alright. Watch me do a sick cycle trick.
Julia (as Val): Fuck yeah.
Eric: Priya puts the helmet back on the, the neon reflecting off of her Knight of Mirrors mirrors, and she does, like, a full wheelie around you. And then speeds off into the night.
Julia (as Val): Fuck yeah!
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: She throws up the deuces behind her and then, like, does a hard left.
[music fades]
Eric: It is the day before. It is Sunday. T minus 18 hours before Monday, 9am. What are y'all doing?
Brandon: Milo is probably like, you know, playing Halo. Getting himself pumped up.
Eric: Hell yeah. Are you? You're playing original Halo? I love that.
Brandon: No, the new one. I just don't know what it's called, Eric.
Eric: No, I just, I more like that you have an original Xbox and you're still playing Co-Op with January and Dez. Like, I love that.
Brandon: Yes. There's only, like, four people left online for that game.
Eric: Yeah, you're in Blood Gulch still. It's very funny.
Julia: It's Halo Infinite BT Dubs.
Brandon: Thanks, Halo Infinite.
Julia: I think Val would want to do a group FaceTime real quick with their dad, Aunt Min, and Salimoni.
[Amanda gasps]
[Eric laughs]
Eric: I think that it's been really hard to wrangle this because it's Sunday and they're all "at church."
Julia: Yeah, but in the afternoon, they'll be around because everyone's gonna be together for food. Except for my dad who is in New York.
Eric: Well, no, they're all saying they're at church. So like, they've been really trying to put this off for a while. But yeah, I think you're able to wrangle all of them. Yeah, I think Aunt Min says.
Eric (as Aunt Min): [through the phone] Oh, sorry. I was spending so much time venerating Christian Jesus. What would you like to talk to us about, Val?
Julia (as Val): So, here's the thing. I know everyone's doing business together with each other now.
Eric: Salmoni just says.
Eric (as Salimoni): Oh fuck!
Eric: And drops his phone and his phone is just in a pot of sauce now, so he's trying to take that out.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: It's all red.
Eric: Yeah. I think both Aunt Min and your dad are, like, hemming and hawing. They're like your dad's like.
Eric (as Val’s dad): [through the phone] What does being in business even mean? What does that mean?
Eric (as Aunt Min): And Aunt Min's like, I've been in business all the time, but I was trained silk for food when I ran into a silk farm. Silk worms that stretch as far as the eye can see.
Julia (as Val): Okay, Dad, you literally sent me a sample of your product.
Eric (as Val’s dad): Oh, that doesn't sound like me. I plead the fifth.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: I think that like there's like there's a lot of this, so this is like the most that you can kind of get out of them from there.
Julia: Yeah. I just wanted to, like, even if they don't, like, admit, "oh, we're working together."
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia (as Val): I think Val is just like, I need you to listen to me and I need you to listen to me very, very closely. If you continue down this path, and you are messing with superhero shit, I will have to get involved and no one fucking wants that. So, consider your options. Consider if this is really the route of business that you want to go down. And then you can let me know.
Eric (as Salimoni): Oh fuck, I put my whole hand on the sauce! Why did I do that?
Julia (as Val): It's fucking hot, Salimoni.
Eric: Aggie, what are you up to?
Amanda: I think I'll leave the training facility early in the morning. I think I've probably camped out there for a couple days just really focusing on that.
[Eric hums in agreement]
Amanda: And then I'll head back to the bungalow to spend some time with Tegan and walk Pizza the dog. And try to just kind of, I don't know, like, pull up Google Earth of Laketown city and, like, stare at it anxiously until night falls.
Eric: Hell yes, I think you're looking at Google Earth and you're, like, scanning around and you get an alert on your phone that says. Breaking news emergency at Lake Champlain. And then you can, like, open it up. It's like, there's like, a live feed going from News Seven and a Half. And I think while you're doing that January says.
Eric (as January): Boom! Head shot!
Eric: And the TV, like, just cuts out and goes immediately to News Seven and a Half.
Julia: It cuts the cable out of the game?
[Brandon hums in agreement]
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: It switches inputs that goes to cable. And all of you are watching News uh, Seven and a half News and with a reporter standing out on Lake Champlain and says.
Eric (as Reporter): I can't get in the shot. I, there's no safe place for me to get in the shot. I'm out here by myself. I don't have a camera person. I just set this up on a tripod.
Eric: And behind you see the cameras pointed at Lake Champlain. And like there's something breaching the water and it's just.
[thunderous roaring]
Eric: And you see that there is a massive, like, 30-foot long, pink mottled claw that comes out of the water and it pulls itself on to the park on the lake and it pulls and you see another claw and then just, like, tendril eye stalks and tendrils and, like, a sea, like one of those weird seafood mouths that only, only those things have. Then you see the eye stalk go.
[lasers beaming]
Julia: WHAT?
Eric: As just the eye stalks are shooting laser beams and like, and like people are like scattering and you see that there is also, like, massive speakers that are attached onto the carapace of this massive crustacean. And you see, like, there's a little speck, I guess on top, in between the speakers and then you hear.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): You don't want me to be the mayor? Well, I'm gonna take it back. Dr. Morrow is coming with the largest mountain lobster you've ever seen!
Brandon: Jesus Christ!
Amanda: I knew this would come back to haunt us.
[Brandon laughs]
[Join the Party theme music plays]
Transcribed by; John Matthew M. Sarong