24. Bachelorette Party IV

To win the Bachelorette Tournament, you better be here for the right reasons. Much more is riding on this game than you think. Inara waits. Tracey gets a new friend to play with. Johnny is tired of this vacation.


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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt

- Multitude: multitude.productions 


Amanda: Last time on Join the Party,

Eric: The Bachelorette Tournament is in full swing, and the producers want to know our party a little bit better. Some of them take to it very quickly,

Michael (as Johnny): I think the key is not only do I want to win, but I also want to educate, and I want to help others. Like I know…

Michael: Has it started recording?

Eric: Some of them wear their heart on their sleeve.

Amanda (as Inara): Can- can I see myself being the companion, partner, and defender of a beautiful powerful woman? Yup.

Eric: And some… don’t take to it kindly.

Eric (as mud person): Tracey, if that’s really what you want, but I think it might be in your best interest to answer our questions.

Brandon (as Tracey): Well see I think I killed a bunch of your friends down there right there right?

Eric: All of the contestants get to meet Representative Brink for the first time and she is stunning. Perfect hair, perfect dress, and muddy boots for some reason.

Eric: Nearly everyone is swept off their feet by the Bachelorette, but Tracey’s unphased and tries to hack his way out of the arena. But the head producer makes him an offer he can’t refuse.

Eric (as the producer): I know where you come from. You. Designation TR8c. I know that.

Eric: It’s not just the contestants who want to win it all. Let’s get the party started.

[theme music]

[repetitive, grating electronic noise grows louder, then becomes the sound of an alarm clock before switching off]

Eric: After the first night party, all of you wake up in your beds. How well did you sleep last night?

Amanda: Question is, is P0R0 looking at any of us creepily?

Eric: You can make a Perception check, Inara.

Amanda: Well, let’s do that.

[dice rolling]

Amanda: Uh, that’s a nat-20, my dude.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: Inara doesn’t sleep. She waits.

[everyone bursts out laughing]

Eric: Inara, I’d like to think that you woke up like before everyone else, just like instinctually.

Amanda: Sure.

Eric: You just kind of got up and you like yawn and stretch and you see P0R0 standing over Tracey, just like looking at him while he sleeps. It’s really strange because Tracey doesn’t sleep, he’s on sentry mode.

Amanda: Right.

Eric: I don’t know if they’re doing something that Tracey just like doesn’t notice.

Amanda: Right.

Eric: But it’s just like not being picked up during sentry mode.

Amanda: Well the minute I see it, I’m going to spring up and leap forward to stand behind P0R0 with my hand on the dagger that I keep under my pillow, behind my back, and say

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, hey bud. What’s going on?

Eric (as P0R0): Oh, Inara! I am just here to do routine checks on everything. Good morning!

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, please keep your routine checks to yourself. Thank you.

Eric (as P0R0): Will do. I don’t know how to deal with the interactions of peoples. I am sorry. I overstepped my boundaries. Beep boop.

Amanda: THanks, P0R0. Really important to recognize your mistakes and walk backward when necessary, so you just go stick to your bunk and I’ll stick to mine, how about that?

Eric: P0R0 slowly walks back away from Tracey and then- smiling still, and just sits down on their bunk. And with that, Chad rolls over. I don’t know-

Michael: How can Chad roll over?

Eric: That- yeah. Chad tries to like-

Amanda: It’s amazing!

Eric: -mimic what rolling over looks like. It’s like-

Amanda: You get the impression of rolling over and even the flesh just ripped a little bit.

Eric: It’s like you’re rolling a d6 [laughing].

Michael: At this point, how deteriorated has the bed that they’ve chosen become?

Eric: Well, I’m gonna roll for that.

[dice rolling]

Amanda: What if they just took the mattress out and just like put themselves in the dip?

Michael: Well, I’m assuming that when they go to bed, they like go on top of the bed-

Amanda: Ahh! They drip!

Michael: -but as they sit there, it just like falls and the bed just schwoops into them and the bed just starts disintegrating.

[Amanda giggling]

Eric: I like that.

Brandon: I quit the podcast.

[all laughing]

Michael: This is how- this is how these work!

Eric: I like that Chad took the mattress off because he knew it was gonna like digest, and Chad says

Eric (as Chad): Excuse me, friends, I am trying to sleep, as I need to, as I am a hu-man. I need at least eight hours to function properly.

Eric: Chad then turns over again and says

Eric (as Chad): Ugh, drama!

Eric: And goes back to sleep, which is just like eating- he’s like disintegrated about two thirds of the bed at this point.

Amanda: I hope he’s a top bunk.

Michael: No, he has-

Eric: He got the single.

Amanda: Ahh, smart. Inara’s gonna look over her shoulder like eh what- was he talkin’ to me? I don’t- dunno. And just pet Oatcake and put my dagger back under my pillow where it belongs.

Michael: Johnny’s gonna wake up and tap Tracey on the shoulder to do the morning calisthenics.

Brandon: Tracey gets up and follows Johnny down to the gym, because I don’t think we wanna do our private routine in front of everyone in the… in the room. And we do the routine. Afterwards when, I assume, Johnny goes to the locker room to towel off…

Michael: Eh, to Prestidigitate off, but yes.

Brandon: Yeah. Sometimes it’s nice to do the actual like analog, you know just get a towel.

Michael: Yeah, no.

[Brandon laughs]

Michael: The thing is is that Johnny’s so old, like he’s done that. He’s good. He just wants efficiency. Maybe in like 100 years.

Amanda: Okay, okay.

Brandon: And while he’s doing that, I think Tracey’s going to check in with the producer to see if there’s anything he needs to do to get ready for this challenge.

Eric: Okay. So Tracey you put the- I guess we talked about it’s just like a little glob of mud, and you just like stick it in your ear. How do you get the producer’s attention?

Brandon (as Tracey): Yo, producer, whaddup?

Eric (as the producer): [fuzzy, through the earpiece] Oh, Tracey, good morning.

Brandon (as Tracey): How ya livin’?

Eric (as the producer): Livin’s good. Livin’s good when you’re a mud person. You ready for today?

Brandon (as Tracey): I think so, but is there anything I should be doing?

Eric (as the producer): Um, well here’s the thing. Remember when you threatened me when we were talking before?

Brandon (as Tracey): Mhm.

Eric (as the producer): Okay, so we realized that you’re kind of an angry person-

Brandon (as Tracey): [timidly] Ahh.

Eric (as the producer): -and this is like your thing now.

Brandon (as Tracey): Well.

Eric (as the producer): Because I mean you were raging before and then-

Brandon (as Tracey): I mean you would be-

Eric (as the producer): -you attacked me.

Brandon (as Tracey): You were-

Eric (as the producer): I mean, yeah, that’s what the camera saw.

Brandon (as Tracey): Well...

Eric (as the producer): So I think that like your edit- your character, you could be like this like angry sort of like punchy, like will do anything to have the Representative sort of thing.

Brandon (as Tracey): [still timid, sounding disappointed] Oh. Well, okay.

Eric (as the producer): So I would just like uh, lean into that. Like turn on that Rage Mode, just keep being punchy you.

Brandon (as Tracey): Now how’s your insurance because if I do Rage Mode, I might actually kill someone.

Eric (as the producer): I think that that would be great ratings for us. Just do your thing.

Brandon (as Tracey): Cool.

Eric (as the producer): I really believe in you, and you’ll see the Jumbotron.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.

Eric (as the producer): You’ll be… you’ll get exactly what you have to do.

Brandon (as Tracey): Sure, I’ll do that.

Brandon: And he winks to no one.

Eric: And no one responds [laughing].

Michael (as Johnny): Tracey, who ya talking to?

Brandon (as Tracey): ...What?

Michael (as Johnny): It’s okay, I talk to myself in the morning too.

Brandon (as Tracey): Cool, cool, cool.

Brandon: And then Tracey shuffles away.

Eric: I like it. Johnny, would you make a Wisdom saving throw for me?

[dice rolling]

Michael: HA! 9.

Eric: Cool. Take two d6s and just put them to the side for me.

[dice shuffling around]

Eric: Johnny, while you were doing Tai Chi today, your Tai Chi usually relaxes you and gets you ready for the day and excited to be alive, but doing it in the gym, you feel like- you know when you have too much coffee when you haven't eaten and you’re just- it’s like a little bit too much? I feel like you’re kind of like ratcheted up a little bit in a way that you did not anticipate. And just keep those d6s over there.

Brandon: Fish is staring daggers at Eric. For our audio-

Amanda: Yeah. At least two daggers.

Eric: He’s dual wielding daggers in his eyes.

Amanda: Uh, hold on, let meeeeee…

Brandon: Can you roll a d4 for those daggers?

[dice rolling]

Amanda: Uh, yup that’s a 3 and a 4, so that’s a -7 to Eric’s HP.

Brandon: Yep.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: I think you’re bloodied.

Eric: Uh, I think so.

Amanda: I think you are. I think you’re prone, bud.

Eric: Oh no! Okay, Tracey and Johnny are in the gym and Inara’s in the room. On the wall, “Everyone report to the pool,” just like comes up in mud on the wall. It’s like someone is drawing it in mud and it stays up for one minute and then wipes itself away.

Amanda: Is there a stain left behind, or normal?

Eric: No, it’s totally normal.

Amanda: [gasps] Creepy.

Brandon: [singing] Magic mud!

Eric: Everyone collects back where you had the original party. You’re starting to get this feeling that this is like the main space, like when people need to make big announcements, because like all the producers, little mud people, are just trying to shepherd all of you down to the pool area.

[sounds of the pool deck with water running, morning crickets, bird sounds]

Amanda: Um, Eric, what's the breakfast situation in the room?

[all snickering]

Eric: Um, perfect. Out at the pool, there's like a buffet. It’s like breakfast for Instagram nutritionists, where it’s all just like zero percent fat yogurt, and like granola, and like smoothies.

Michael: Okay, but again, what’s the food situation?

[all laughing]

Eric: That’s all they have. There’s a lot of it, but it’s all super healthy and super buff, and some of the people also are still like in their gym clothes from before. It’s like they went into the gym and then came out and they’re all still sweaty, and everyone is like coming down and just like spooning yogurt onto plates or in cups.

Michael: I dig into my bag and hand Inara a ham and cheese sandwich. And I am eating one and I offer one to Tracey.

Amanda: Yeah. My face had gone ashen when assessing this breakfast situation. Is it on top of the bar, or is it like separate situation?

Eric: Yeah, it’s on top of the bar.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: It’s like- it looks like a buffet. It’s like they have- it’s the metal really big containers, and they-

Amanda: The cloches?

Eric: Yes! It’s with the cloches and they take the tops off and it's just like a big thing of granola and like a big thing of yogurt, and there's like a ton of bananas and whey protein shakes.

Amanda: I’m assuming there’s a sort of avocado and spelt toast situation?

Eric: Oh, absolutely.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: With egg whites.

Amanda: I’m going to take two pieces of those toast, dump off the healthy stuff, and give it to Oatcake who looks at it and sort of like backs away sadly, and then take Johnny’s ham and cheese.

Brandon: I’m gonna guess there’s no powdered eggs on this buffet?

Eric: No, it’s just egg whites.

[Michael and Amanda starting to talk]

Brandon: Okay. Tracey- Tracey doesn’t eat anything then.

[Eric bursts out laughing]

Michael: You wanted just the powder?

Brandon: No. My-

Michael: And the powdered milk?

Brandon: Powdered eggs are the best eggs that you can eat.

Michael: I would like to approach one of the producers and make a complaint.

Eric: Sure.

[Brandon laughing]

Eric: There’s like a mud creature just like hanging back near the buffet, just keeping an eye on everybody.

Michael (as Johnny): Hey there.

Eric (as mud person): Oh, uh, Johnny, yeah. What do you- what’s going on?

Michael (as Johnny): Yeah, so I’m a little worried about the caloric, uhhhhh, situation here. There’s not enough actual food. My companions and I require real food and none of this, um… none of this healthy garbage.

Eric (as mud person): Hmm...  Okay, okay, okay. Uh, I mean this is what we have budgeted for the show, but what we do have-

Michael (as Johnny): I feel like you’re paying more than you need to for this stuff.

Eric (as mud person): Fair, but what we do have is a kind of like special fund where if you wanna do something special for the Representative, like on a special date or something, we could definitely hook you up.

Amanda: I am going to lean forward and say

Amanda (as Inara): Can we arrange for an all-you-can-eat pancake bar? Rep and me. Brinksy and me.

Eric (as mud person): So, you and the Representative pancake, okay. If you- if you get yourself a one-on-one and you manage to wrangle it, we can definitely hook that up.

Amanda (as Inara): Done.

Eric (as mud person): Great. I mean if you got- do you want pancake bar too? Like we can put that on the list if it happens.

Brandon (as Tracey): Po-powdered eggs.

Amanda (as Inara): Uhh, you can’t copy my idea.

Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah, I just want eggs. But powdered.

Eric (as mud person): Alright. All-you-can-eat powdered eggs? That’s… I hope the- does the Representative like that? Is that a thing?

Brandon (as Tracey): I thought this was a judgement free zone.

Eric (as mud person): Okay… Alright, all-you-can-eat powdered eggs…

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.

Eric (as mud person): Johnny, what’s your idea?

Michael (as Johnny): To be honest, I prefer the library to this, so I’ll continue eating my ham and cheese sandwiches, but I would like a library date.

Brandon (as Tracey): Also can I be not with the Representative, just like by myself with the eggs?

Eric (as mud person): Tracey, you are not getting how this works.

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, okay.

Eric: You-you-you hear it again. It’s like the head producer says like

Eric (as the producer): [through the earpiece] Tracey, come on. You are not getting how this works.

Eric (as mud person): Um, library date. On it, Johnny. We can find you the nicest, most romantic library- like, lamps. Like lots of lamps.

Amanda (as Inara): And when I say “all-you-can-eat,” I really mean all you can eat. Like all that you think maybe ten people could eat, that’s kind of where we’re going here. Toppings, innards, sauces, side dishes.

Brandon: Innards?! Innards?

[all giggling]

Amanda (as Inara): Things that you mix in. Mix-ins.

Brandon: Oh not like-

Michael: Mix-ins, not innards.

Brandon: Innards.

Michael: Literal innards.

Amanda: Listen, I’m not-

Brandon: Not like intestines or livers or-

Eric: The guts of pancakes.

Amanda: Awful, awful. Very exciting. Yes.

Michael (as Johnny): And when I say library, I mean with good books. Books I haven’t read before. Books that will help me.

Eric (as mud person): Okay, like romance novels.

Michael (as Johnny): No.

Eric (as mud person): Okay.

Michael: I nod to the producer and walk away while eating the ham and cheese sandwich.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: What is P0R0 eating? Anything?

Eric: P0R0 took like a handful of granola and like put it in their mouth, and then-

Michael: With their hand as well?

Eric: Yeah, like all the way into their mouth-

Amanda: Eww.

Eric: And then like drops it.

Brandon: I hate this robot.

Amanda: I was picturing them standing underneath a like water cooler of green juice with just the tap open and their mouth underneath.

[Eric laughs]

Michael: We can hear the food like tumbling through them?

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle.

Eric: Are you just like looking at them strangely?

Brandon: I don’t think my facial expression has changed one bit since I - the first time I saw them, it was just a look of like grimace and like distaste, and then that’s not changed.

Eric: I’m okay with that.

Brandon: It’s like if you were scanning the room, it’d be like smile, smile, smile, smile, GRIMACE, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile.

Eric: [laughing] Blank face. I like it.

Amanda: Which really plays into your edit as the intimidating robot guy.

Eric: I like it. At this point, the Representative comes out and everyone at the same time goes “Brinksy!”

Michael: I do not do that.

Amanda: Me neither.

Brandon (as Tracey): ...Brinksy!

Eric: Good. Good.

Brandon: Ten seconds later.

Amanda: A single echo.

Eric: And the Representative comes out and is like

Eric (as Representative Brink): Hey, everybody, what’s going on? So excited to see all of you. I have some really tough news to share with you. Sophie Powers and Ambrose T. will not be with us any longer.

Brandon (as Tracey): Did you kill them?!

Eric (as Representative Brink): [laughing] Tracey…

Brandon (as Tracey): Brinksyyyyyyyyyy!

Eric (as Representative Brink): No, no.

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Ambrose T. was part of a massive conspiracy that stretched through all the city-states to overthrow the governed bodies for anarchy and chaos. And these government bodies keep our countries safe and secure, and our roads paved, and our schools open and monster free, so I don’t know why anyone would do that.

Amanda (as Inara): Was he a Red Throat?

Eric (as Representative Brink): I, you know, I did not- I did not catch the color of their throat or anything, but I just want to let everyone know it’s under control. Ambrose T. will no longer be in this competition.

Michael: Can we Insight that and see if they’re telling the truth?

Eric: Sure.Telling the truth about what exactly?

Michael: I want to know if Ambrose T. was actually a member of a grand conspiracy to blah, blah, blah, all that stuff.

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: And I want to know if Brinksy is believing what she’s saying.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: I want to know if P0R0 is enjoying the granola?

[all laughing]

Eric: Great.

[dice rolling]

Eric: Let’s start with Fish.

Michael: I have a 19.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: I got a non-natural 20.

Eric: Great.

Brandon: 11 + 2 for 13.

Eric: Great. Johnny and Inara, yes this is the truth. Ambrose T. was part of a massive anarchist conspiracy, and yes, they are talking about the Red Throats.

Amanda: Nice.

Michael: Okay, cool.

Eric: Tracey, to P0R0, eating granola is the equivalent of having Dimetapp for us. It’s definitely medicine, but it tastes pretty good.

Brandon: Good data.

Amanda: No one really enjoys eating granola. If they do, it has too much sugar.

[Brandon laughing]

Eric: Then the Representative continues

Eric (as Representative Brink): And Sophie was not here for the right reasons. She was trying to forward her singer-songwriter career, and I just can’t have someone here about that. I’m really sorry to see them go, but I think that we’re gonna be ready for our challenge, so can everybody please step up who’s competing today?

Brandon: Tracey puts his finger in his ear and he says

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Hey, uh, should I - should I get to the front here, or, does it matter?

Eric (as the producer): No, just step forward and give yourself-

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.

Eric (as the producer): Like a foot between everybody.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, thanks.

Eric (as the producer): Great.

Amanda: And then, um…

Michael: Are you measuring that out?

Brandon: Yeah, with my tape measure that comes out of my arm?

Michael: Or using your foot.

Amanda: If your index finger isn’t a tape measure, I’ll be really sad.

Eric: Does the Long Arm of the Law have, measurements on it?

Brandon: Like knots on it? Like knot measurements.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. Okay, so everybody steps forward and the Representative says

Eric (as Representative Brink): Ah, I’m so happy to see all of you. Crews, Inara,

Eric: And she winks at Inara.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Ash, Alice, Tracey, Johnny, and Keviiiiiin!

Eric: And Kevin goes

Eric (as Kevin Vacation): Wazzuuuuuup?

Michael: As a reaction to “Wazzzuuuuup?” I cast Eldritch Blast at Kevin Vacation.

Eric: Okay, cool. Do your attack roll.

Brandon: Are you killing Kevin?!

Michael: Yeah, that’s intolerable. I’m not dealing with that.

[Brandon laughing in shock]

[dice rolling]

Michael: 16.

Eric: Uh, yeah, that hits.

Brandon: Tracey takes, like 12 big steps away from Johnny.

[dice rolling]

Michael: 10 damage.

Eric: Why don’t you add one of the d6 dice.

[dice rolling]

Michael: 16 damage.

Eric: Hell yeah, alright. We don’t talk about your Eldritch Blast. What does it look like?

Michael: I imagine that Johnny’s Eldritch Blast is much like the Light. He can adjust it so it can be very firework-y, but the general will be like a white and black, just strands of blast going at it. Oh, I’m sorry. It’s two beams. I have to roll again for damage.

[everyone starts laughing]

Michael: Or just double…

Eric: Yeah, let’s double it.

Michael: That’s 32 damage.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Wow, Brandon’s eyes are wide, and you know that a player is being impulsive with real consequences when Brandon’s eyes get wide.

[Eric bursts out laughing]

Eric: Okay, I love this.

Michael: Johnny has basically had enough of Kevin Vacation.

Eric: Okay, yeah.

Amanda: That’s 32 damage, my dude!

Brandon: I liked Kevin…

Michael: Like I said, Johnny has had quite enough. I am going to ready- I’ve literally never used it- I’m going to ready Spare the Dying.

Eric: Do you say anything? You just like let it loose?

Michael: No, I just let it loose right after he says, “What’s up.”

Brandon: Does your expression not change-

Michael: It does not change.

Brandon: You’re just like “Brrrrrrrrrrrr.” [making blast noise]

Michael: I- in fact, I just finger blast to the side in the direction of him. I’m not even looking.

Eric: And I think that the- when you’re shooting it out, it’s like even bigger than you’ve done before. It’s like this is like a hyper beam of Eldritch Blast. There might be like more black strands in with the light, and you just- you wallop Kevin Vacation. He was not expecting it, totally caught off guard, and I think that you hit him so hard that you blast him into the pool.


Michael: Is he face-up breathing at the pool?

Eric: Yes, he’s face up breathing. He’s like knocked out though. This was huge. This was like a really big beam of light.

Michael: Sure.

Eric: And it was kind of like an explosion.

Michael: I am very powerful. I don’t need you to remind me.

Eric: That’s fair.

Amanda: I’m gonna jump into the pool and bring him back out to make sure that he’s breathing.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: I think Tracey’s gonna run right alongside Inara to try to get him out of the pool as well.

Michael: As soon as he’s out of the pool, I will casually cast Spare the Dying.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Yeah, I’m gonna like swim him over to the side of the pool. I think Tracey will help me draw him out of the water and lay him out on the pool deck, and I’m just gonna flip my kind of mohawk towards the side, make sure that my good side is showing towards Brinksy, and put my hand over his mouth to make sure that he’s breathing, like hover over his mouth.

Eric: We’ve had a lot of gasping on this show, but I think that this is like a dramatic gasp, like a heightened reality sort of thing, and one person goes, “Worldstar!”

[all laughing]

Eric: And all the cameras go to Johnny and then like two of them are filming the pool and one of them is just like trained on Johnny’s face. Another one is following Representative Brink as she runs over to the pool where Tracey and Inara rescued Kevin Vacation. And while you’re over there, just like the difference between your Eldritch Blast and your Spare the Dying- pardon my pun, but it’s like light and day.

Michael: Yeah.

Eric: But even it’s kind of like you have a flashlight and then you like- the sun comes up. It’s like you trained the power of the sun on Kevin Vacation, and now it’s like you flicked a flashlight at him, so he feels alright, and he’s not passed out anymore.

Amanda: And as soon as Representative Brink comes over, I will kneel up and say

Amanda (as Inara): Don’t worry, he’s fine. He’s fine. We got him.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Listen, I know this is a competition, but I didn’t think this would get out of hand so fast.

Eric: Representative Brink, she again looks pristine. It’s like a customer came and gave her her clothes. This is like a movie version of being casual and outdoorsy. She has like unfettered jeans that like has the perfect stain on it, and she’s wearing like a slouchy sweatshirt that is like perfectly off one shoulder, and her hair is up in a top bun, but again she’s wearing the same muddy boots as she was wearing with the dress.

Amanda (as Inara): Uh- I promise, I promise, he’s totally fine. He’s breathing. We got him. He’s gonna be fine… Where’d you get your boots?

Amanda: And I’m gonna kind of reach out and touch the toe of her boots and I’m gonna roll Investigation please.

Eric: Okay, great.

[dice rolling]

Amanda: 11 + 5 for a 16.

Eric: Okay. What do you wanna know?

Amanda: I wanna know where the boots came from.

Eric: Okay. The mud that are on the boots now are the mud from the colosseum. It’s kind of more like a tennis court clay.

Amanda: Mhm.

Eric: And these shoes are very, very old. They’re very worn in. I feel like if there was any sort of imprint or like maker name, it’s been like rubbed off. And the material they’re made out of used to be extremely fine leather, but now it’s extremely old and worn in. I would also say with your high enough Investigation check, there’s a part of this left boot that doesn’t fit with the rest of it. It’s like raised near the heel.

Amanda: Like it was built into the original boot, or it was patched or modified later?

Eric: Like it was patched or modified later.

Amanda: Okay, and finally, are they like over-the-knee fashion boots, are they hiking boots, are they everyday boots?

Eric: Closer to riding boots. They’re definitely like for being outside, and they go up pretty high, and they’re a dark brown that’s like cracked and worn in. And eventually, a few of the producers come over and like make a makeshift stretcher out of themselves.

Amanda: Aww!

Eric: It’s like 1, 2, 3 of them come and take him away. And then they just kind of like go around the mansion and then disappear behind there. Tracey, in your ear the head producer says

Eric (as the producer): Hey, Tracey, just tell everyone that Kevin’s gonna be okay and we’re gonna take care of him, but he can’t compete in the competition anymore.

Brandon: Tracey stands up very tall, cups his hands around his mouth, and says

Brandon (as Tracey): Kevin’s gonna be okay. He can’t compete in this competition, but something something... beep boop.

Eric: Yeah and that calms everybody down. Like there’s no more hubbub anymore, and Johnny- are you standing nearby? Like what are you doing?

Michael: I mean I had to come close enough to do Spare the Dying, so I was nearby.

Eric: I think the Representative stands up and gives you a hard look in the face like she’s trying to figure you out.

Michael (as Johnny): We won’t play this game forever.

Eric: She takes another moment to like have her gaze fixed on you, then like it transforms as she like puts movement and energy into it, and she looks like very shocked.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Johnny, why would you do that? Are you doing that all for me?

Michael (as Johnny): For you and the kids. You know, the education needs to be improved here.

[Amanda chuckling]

Michael (as Johnny): And I just simply won’t play this game for too much longer if we’re just gonna dilly-dally. Let’s get to it.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Well Johnny, I didn’t know you felt that strongly about slang, but I guess everyone has their foibles. And if you did it for me, well, I guess passion can’t be bridaled. Okay well, does anyone want to step up and do this challenge together?

Eric: It’s silent for a few seconds, and then Autumn steps forward and says

Eric (as Autumn): You know, I guess someone needs to step in in times of trouble, and I’ll do it. Inara can’t be trusted to just do this by herself.

Amanda: Inara’s going to keep her gaze fixed on the Representative and not look over at Autumn.

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Johnny, has she met Inara?

Eric (as Representative Brink): Okay, let’s get the challenge started.

Eric: And the mud beneath your feet raises you up and up and up and you’re just raising above the mansion-

Amanda: Like individual pedestals or the whole pool deck?

Eric: Individual pedestals, yeah.

Amanda: Ooh.

Eric: Holes open up around you as you go through the ceiling, and you’re in a very fancy box suite overlooking the colosseum.

[cheering, whistling, sounds of the colosseum with a large crowd]

Brandon: Should I ask it, or do you guys wanna ask it?

Amanda: Go for it.

Brandon: What’s the food situation in this box?

Eric: There’s a whole lotta scrimps.

[humming transition sound]

Hey, it’s Amanda. Do you ever wake up naturally on a work or school day, worried for a second that you don’t hear your alarm, only to check the time and realize that you’re actually ahead of schedule? That you woke up before your alarm, and now you get to rest in the bluish-gray morning light for a little while before the day takes hold of you. This is your oasis of quiet. Welcome to the midroll.

Hello to our newest patrons! Emily C, Alec, Kaylee, Emily, Emily L, Rohan, Katie, Shae, Casey, Sarah, Alex, Abigail, and Cartwheel Skeleton, and Caleb who upped their pledge. Almost 30 of you joined us in March, and we’re so grateful for each and every one of you.

We are sponsored this week by 20 Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York, whose co-owner Lauren Bilanko is our resident Master, Dungeon Master. Each month we bring her one of our listeners’ questions about games and GMing. Today our question is: “How do you deal with an all-good team that has one evil person? Either characters or players!”

Lauren says: “If your goal is to get the team to work together, spend some time allowing the players to figure out why they need each other or why they are adventuring together. An evil character may be needed by a group of do-gooders to do the dirty jobs nobody else wants to do or the evil character may need to ally with the do-gooders to get help in a personal matter. Having strong personalities and characters with personal convictions can create great roleplaying moments.”

Thank you so much, Master Dungeon Master! If you’re looking for inspiration or minis to fuel your good or evil characters, you can head over to 20 sided store dot com or visit them in person in Brooklyn, NY and use our discount code, JOINTHEPARTY, for 20% off. So head over to twenty (full word) sided store.com and use our discount code JOINTHEPARTY, all one word.

And in case you haven’t heard the news: we’ll be having a live show in New York City on June 9th! You can get your tickets now at bit.ly/jointhepartylive. We are so excited to see all of your faces! But if you can’t make it, don’t despair—we will be live streaming the show, too. More info to come.

You know, I gotta say, we are so, so happy for the community that’s grown around our show. And just like the Undying Light, we want you to spread the JTP message everywhere. So text someone who needs more robots, assassins, magic dads, and bachelorette-inspired deathmatches in their life and send them the link jointhepartypod.com/recap. That’s where we have everything you need to catch up a summary of our first arc, links to all of the arcs that came after, and a little explanation of the whole Afterparty thing. And when you do, tweet us a screenshot! We’ll bestow upon you a magical item for use in your next adventure. For real - we gave someone a magical beard of bees. It happened. And it was lovely. And now back to the show.

[humming transition sound]

[colosseum sounds return with cheers, chants, applause, shouts]

Eric: When you go to a baseball stadium early, you can really see like people filing in and like finding their seats, and especially if you're in a box it’s like overlooking everything. So imagine you’re like overlooking this whole colosseum that's just like outstretched in front of you and everyone’s finding their seats, and there’s a ton of people who are coming in to see this thing. It’s a very nice view. This is top notch box seats. There’s actually three people who are seated at big plush chairs, and they all stand up when the contestants are brought inside. Representative Brink says like

Eric (as Representative Brink): So I guess I haven’t really talked to you that much about what this game is. This is like the big thing that we’ve been doing in Tortipolis- well now we’re gonna start doing it in Tortipolis. And there are some people who are really invested here, and they just wanted to meet some of you, and talk to you, and see if you need any help along the way. I guess I should just, like get out of the way and let them talk to you. Introduce yourselves!

Eric: And there’s an older woman who steps forward, and she’s dressed in a really bright pink silk dress. She has these really flowery velvety outer robes that are embroidered with a gold thread design, and it's just like in fireworks, like really big explosions just like of gold thread. And she’s an older woman and she has white hair, and it’s put up into two pigtails on the top of her head. And she has really bright purple lipstick. Everything she’s doing is very incongruous, but in the way that like really famous, really rich people are allowed to be like quirky and incongruous. Like everything looks amazing, but tis’ also like insane- like if you saw a regular person wearing this, like, “Are you okay? Do you need your eyes checked? I’m an optotritian.”


Eric: And she steps forward and she says

Eric (as rich woman): Mmm, darlings, I’m just so excited to see you here in this wonderful competition. I am Noto Oto, the famous artist here in Tortipolis, and I just want you to do grand, really grand things.

Amanda (as Inara): Are you related to the guy that’s in charge of Antipolis? What’s that guys name? I forgot him already, he annoyed me so much.

Brandon (as Tracey): Shields? Shields.

Amanda (as Inara): Are you related to Representative Shields?

Eric (as Noto Oto): Second cousin! Yeah, yeah, second cousin.

Amanda (as Inara): Nice, nice, I could totally tell. He also had a really strong sense of fashion.

Eric: The second person steps forward and this is a dragonborn with gold-ish scales, shorter than Noto who just spoke. And, like slicked scales? Like in - if you tried to slick back hair but they were like dragonborn scales. And he goes

Eric (as dragonborn): Ey, uh, yeah it’s nice to meet you all. I’m Papa Ross. I’m here for Freshport Direct. You know, Freshport Direct, we import freshness! That’s what we call- import, little bit of import,, little bit of export. I bring in all the fresh food here in Tortipolis and we’re looking for someone as a… uhhhhh… brand representative to represent us during the Bachelorette Tournament. Uh, yeah okay. Yeah. I hope somebody wanna…. Talk about our freshness here. Uh…

Amanda: Inara makes wide eyes at Johnny and Tracey.

Eric: And then a third person steps forward. It’s a very secretive sort of person- there’s a- has a- has like a big stenson hat and sunglasses and a trench coat and a giant fake beard. Everything about them is covered up and they say

Eric (as person in trench coat): Yeah, um. It’s really- it’s really nice to meet all of you. I think if anyone wants a rich… a rich man to help them to just give them a lot of money, I think that we should- you should come talk to- come talk to me.

Amanda: Inara’s backing up.

Brandon: Tracey steps forward!

Eric (as person in trench coat): You can just- just come talk to us.

Michael: What’s the person’s name? They didn’t say?

Eric: They didn’t say. And the Representative says like

Eric (as Representative Brink): I’m just gonna walk away, and if you want to talk to these people, you can, and we’re gonna get started in about- in a few minutes, okay?

Eric: And the Representative like backs away to like a corner and just kind of like- in the way that like you’re pretending to not notice something just like looks up at the ceiling and whistles for a while.

Brandon: What’s the tune?

Eric: It’s the ‘Doug’ theme song, but she doesn’t know it’s the ‘Doug’- it’s just like she’s humming to herself, it’s like-

Eric (as Representative Brink): [to the tune of the ‘Doug’ theme song] Doo-do-doooo do-do-do-do-do do-do.

Eric: And Noto is like

Eric (as Noto Oto): Let me explain to you how this works, sir. As the most richest and famous people here in Tortipolis, we just want- we want you to do things for us.

Brandon (as Tracey): And humble!

Eric (as Noto Oto): That’s- when you are as rich and famous as I am, you can be as humble as you’d like.

Amanda: I’m gonna walk away and go talk to the Representative.

Eric: Okay.

Eric (as Noto Oto): Whoever’s interested can come talk to us, and maybe we can see how we can help you during this challenge. We’re gonna be over in the seats over here, and if you want to talk to us, just come over. And mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmm. Hmmmhmmmmmm.

Amanda: Does she just hum mumble?

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Mumble hum.

Eric: And Papa Ross says

Eric (as Papa Ross): Yeah, you can really boost our brands, just get a real eye-catching person.

Amanda: At that point, Inara’s gonna walk over toward the Representative and mumble

Amanda (as Inara): Influence can’t be bought.


Eric: They all just like are looking away from each other. It’s like they’re trying to be private even in this very big suite, and I guess they all go in like respective corners of the room.

Brandon: Tracey puts his finger in his ear again and goes

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Hey, producer man, who do I talk to?

Eric (as the producer): [unconvincingly] Tracey, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You should be getting ready for the challenge.

Brandon (as Tracey): Are you like trying to be cool- play it cool?

Eric (as the producer): Yes.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, blink once if I should talk to the one on the left?

Eric (as the producer): Tracey, this is an audio medium.

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, right.

Michael: I would like to write a quick note to each of them and hand it to them and then talk to the Representative if I can do that.

Eric: Okay.

Michael: The note says

[sound of pen writing]

Michael (as Johnny): I won’t sell anything, but I will win. You know what to do if you want to help me.

Michael: And I hand it to the three of them. And I then go to talk to Brinks.

Eric: Okay, I think that like-

Michael: I’m not gonna get a positive reaction from all of them.

Eric: No, I think that like Noto makes like an approving face at you, just like

Eric (as Noto Oto): Mmm, fighting against the machine, I like it.

Eric: And Papa Ross just like wrinkles his face up and sticks it in his pocket. And the one in the trenchcoat just kind of-

Michael: [quietly] Puts it in his beard, puts it in his beard, puts it in his beard, puts it in his beard…

Eric: Yeah, I think it like sticks inside- like through the beard into the trench coat.

Amanda: Yessssss!

Eric: And then just goes back to just like standing there.

Michael: And then I just want to hang out with the Representative. I’d like to just continue staring at her in the same kind of resolve I had before when I made my initial “We’re gonna get tired of this game” face at her. Since there’s so cameras, so I’m just going to be like…

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: I am going to say to her

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, listen, hey, hi. First kind of time we’ve had a- a minute here. Uh, what are you looking for? What happens after this game?

Eric (as Representative Brink): Let’s see, what am I looking for. Um, I need a partner. I need someone to run this place with me. Um, what’s better to do it than doing a big tournament. I don’t- It’s not that cut and dry, Inara. It’s- I just want someone there. [sighs] Have you ever done something just because you thought that everyone would think it was a really good idea?

Amanda (as Inara): Sure.

Eric (as Representative Brink): This is a really good idea. I know you’re not from here, and a lot of people aren’t from here, but these people need, like bread and circus, and I bring the circus.

Amanda (as Inara): Alright. I can play this game, and if it goes the way I think it will, I think I’m gonna win.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Sounds good to me. I hope you do.

Amanda: And before my full blush can spread across my entire face and body, I am going to walk away.

Eric: I think that while you walk away from the Representative, Autumn grabs you by the wrist and pulls you over to the buffet table, and like pulls you like not into the shrimp-

[Amanda laughing]

Eric: But it’s like you’re- as private as possible like hidden behind the shrimp.

Amanda: Okay, I’m gonna mechanically start eating some shrimp.

Eric: Great, I’m gonna go over to Tracey. Tracey, what are you doing?

Brandon: So, Tracey has eaten quite a few shrimp. He’s stacked all the shells up into like a neat pyramid, and then he kind of shoves everything over to one side to get some room on the table, and takes out his chess set, and sets up the pieces, and moves a pawn forward, and sits and waits. Does he garner any interest from any of the rich folk?

Eric: Yeah, I would say that the person in the trench coat just like head nods you over, like away from the chess set, like

Eric (as person in trench coat): Eh, hey, you seem like a- you seem like a smart guy. Wanna just like come over and, uh- why don't you come over and talk over here?

Brandon (as Tracey): Pawn to C5.

Brandon: And I look expectantly over.

Eric: The person in the trench coat- all of their body is covered. And I think they come over to you where you’re playing the game and go like

Eric (as person in trench coat): Yeah, you know I’m really good at che- at chess, but you know I- I can’t do anything at the moment. I’m kind of all covered up here.

Brandon (as Tracey): Let me know your move and we’ll play.

Eric (as person in trench coat): Um, okay. Uh, why don’t you move my... horse forward?

[Amanda laughing]

Brandon: Tracey giggles a little bit under his breath and moves the knight forward.

Eric (as person in trench coat): Good. That was a good play by me.

Michael: Is this three, like, children in a trenchcoat?

Amanda: Is this three goblins in a trenchcoat?

Brandon: [laughing] It’s definitely four kobolds in a trenchcoat. Tracey moves his bishop forward and says as he places it on the board

Brandon (as Tracey): So what can you do for me?

Eric (as person in trench coat): [unsure, playing it cool] I think the real question is what can you do for m-me, Tracey?

Amanda: Is this an ooze, Eric?

Eric: While they’re trying to play it cool, you hear another like smaller muffled voice go like

Eric (as muffled voice): Move- move the other horse! Move the other horse forward!

Eric: And the person goes

Eric (as person in trench coat): [under breath] Shut up! I’m trying to be fancy and play chess! And they’re not called horses, I don’t know why I said that.

[Brandon snickering]

Brandon (as Tracey): What’s your move?

Eric (as person in trench coat): I wanna move the horse forward?

Eric: And the other voice goes

Eric (as muffled voice): Yes! Horses!

Brandon: So Tracey moves the horse forward within range of his bishop, then he moves the bishop and takes their knight.

Brandon (as Tracey): You’re not really good at this, are you?

Eric (as person in trench coat): I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Brandon (as Tracey): Chess or, you know, disguises.

Eric (as muffled voice): Are- you know- hey it’s my turn to talk!

Eric: And the trenchcoat opens and it is a halfling with a red bandana over their face.

Eric (as halfling): Tracey, you wanna take this thing down, don’t you? You wanna take it down from the inside.

Brandon: I’m so conflicted right now [laughing nervously].

Michael: Stab ‘em. Stab ‘em.

Eric (as halfling): [quietly] Hey, I know what you might think. We’re two halflings in a trenchcoat and we have these red bandanas. Ambrose was one of ours. Now, we were seeing you together. We think this whole tournament is ridiculous and we want to take it down from the inside. So, we wanna destabilize this and we think the best way is if the ooze wins. Make Chad the ooze win the tournament.

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Are there oozes here? I only see humans.

Eric (as halfling): C’mon. Tracey.

Brandon: And Tracey giggles.

Eric (as halfling): C’mon. We can help you with this. Anytime you make an obvious move to make Chad win, we’ll help you.

Brandon (as Tracey): You’re not gonna kill anyone in the meantime?

Eric (as halfling): I mean, probably. But this whole thing is just kind of a farce and we’re an anarchist group. This is our whole thing.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You don’t kill anyone, you let me win this game, the chess game, and then I’ll make sure Chad wins the other game.

Eric (as halfling): Great.

Brandon (as Tracey): The game game.

Eric (as halfling): I like it. I mean, we’re not in the thin- we’re not gonna kill anybody. We’re just like kinda-

Brandon (as Tracey): No but like anyone. Like don’t kill anyone. Don’t kill.

[both still whispering and talking quickly]

Eric (as halfling): I mean we’re just like a destabilizing force trying to take down the government.

Brandon (as Tracey): I mean you did try to kill me at one point. Like not you specifically, but like there was a lot of death involved.

Eric (as halfling): I mean it was- it was more of a chase scene if I remember it. They said it was pretty cool.

Brandon (as Tracey): No, there was one where Alonzo just murdered all of you with a like cloud of daggers, you remember?

Eric (as halfling): No, I didn’t like that.

Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah, that wasn’t- I didn’t like it either.

Eric (as halfling): We lost a lot- we lost a lot of good men that day.

Brandon (as Tracey): I didn’t like it. You didn’t like it. We don’t like it. Let’s not do it again.

Eric (as halfling): Okay.

Brandon (as Tracey): Deal?

Eric (as halfling): I mean that was more Alonzo. We didn’t do that.

Brandon (as Tracey): If you-

Eric (as halfling): That guy sucks.

Brandon (as Tracey): If you’re into it, I’ll knock your king over and we’ll be good.

Eric (as halfling): Alright. Knock it over, big guy.

Brandon (as Tracey): Tracey tips their king over and starts putting the pieces back in the bag.

Eric (as halfling): Alright, Tracey. Sounds good. Now don’t tell anybody. Our disguise is really good, so it should be pretty easy.

Brandon (as Tracey): You might wanna work on it.

Eric (as halfling): I think it’s amazing.

Brandon (as Tracey): It’s… okay.

Eric (as halfling): Red Throat Gang. [chanting, still whispering] Red Throat Gang!

Eric: And then both of them go

Both halflings in the trenchcoat: [chanting, whispering] Red Throat Gang! Red Throat Gang!

Brandon (as Tracey): [chanting, also whispering] Don’t kill! Don’t kill! Don’t kill!

Both halflings in the trenchcoat: Red Throat Gang.

Brandon (as Tracey): Don’t kill.

Eric: The trenchcoat comes back together and it slowly backs away back into the corner.

Amanda: The well-lit corner of this luxurious box, just standin’.

Eric: Just hangin’ out.

Brandon: Tracey keeps eating’ shrimp.

Eric: I think about that point, Autumn is like pulling Inara over and she says

Eric (as Autumn): Tracey, you’ve had more than your share of shrimp. Get out of here.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, sorry!

Brandon: And he takes the shrimp out of his stomach and puts it back on the platter.

Amanda: Ew.

Brandon: It’s de-shelled though.

Amanda: So do you- do you not chew at all? It’s just down the gullet like a pelican?

Brandon: This time- you know, it’s a choice.

Amanda: Okay.

Brandon: Sometimes he chews, sometimes he didn’t. This time he didn’t.

Amanda: Okay, okay.

Brandon: You know?

Michael: So it’s fully edible. Pre- de-shelled.

Brandon: I made it better than it was.

Michael: It’s been improved.

Brandon: There’s a little oil on it.

Amanda: You’ve prepared the food, like a mama bird.

Michael: I’m sorry, motor oil, or like oil?

[Amanda giggling]

Brandon: Your pick.

Amanda: Gross. Gross.

Eric: And then Autumn uses the big pile of shrimp as cover, and like pulls Inara as close as she can to the table.

Eric (as Autumn): Show me your marbles.

Amanda (as Inara): Um, excuse me Autumn, you can’t just tell people to show you their marbles.

Eric (as Autumn): I know you have them. Show me the marbles.

Amanda (as Inara): Why?

Eric (as Autumn): Oh, so you know what- okay, you know what I’m talking about.

Amanda (as Inara): Even if I did hypothetically, why would I show you anything that I have? I don’t even know who you are.

Eric (as Autumn): [whispering to self] Oh my god, you’re so- you- our names are like exactly the same- she’s so… [to Inara] We’re- we’re cousins! Tharthorn. Harthorn. We’re related. We’re doin’ the same thing.

Amanda (as Inara): If I did show them to you, what would that prove?

Eric (as Autumn): Okay, did this happen to you: someone in a giant halberd cornered you and threw a bunch of marbles at you, and then they gave you a dagger, and then they gave you a bunch of things to kill people, and now you’re part of an assassin’s guild? Does that sound similar to you?

Amanda (as Inara): … Did that happen to you?

Eric: She does an exaggerated dramatic sigh. She pulls out a velvet bag from her pack and inside are marbles that are like yours. They’re dark black with just like silver streaks cutting through each one like a galaxy.

Eric (as Autumn): Yeah, just like me.

Amanda: I will pull one from my pocket. I keep one in my pocket and the rest in my bag. And I’ll show her the one that’s in my pocket.  

Eric (as Autumn): [laughs] I knew it! I knew it. There has to be a reason why you’re here. Or we’re here. This is like a mission. This is our thing.

Amanda (as Inara): What was your first mission?

Eric (as Autumn): I was still in the forest and I just- there was this traveling warlord who came through, and they sent me to go just kill him in the middle of the night, and I just kind of took care of it and then I was in. And then I got a cool scarf.

Amanda (as Inara): Are you traveling with anyone?

Eric (as Autumn): No, but… it’s like you don’t know anything about this- this guild. Have you done anything?! We’re supposed to be like doing this alone.

Amanda (as Inara): No, I-I-I have and I’ve- I like totally gotten lots of missions, man, and I’ve seen lots of secret messages and I’ve like decoded them and it's been great, but I- you know-

Eric (as Autumn): [interrupting] Uh, yeah, sure, okay fine, secret messages, yeah…

Amanda (as Inara): My cover is traveling with these guys.

Eric (as Autumn): [sarcastically] That’s a great cover, Inara. You’re killing it. You’re totally keeping yourself like hidden and stuff.

Amanda (as Inara): Okay, whatever. This is very suspicious. Let’s not talk to each other and let’s chat after whatever this is gonna be. Just don’t like kill me okay?

Eric (as Autumn): Okay, fine. At the end of this, go into your secret bathroom, your secret private bathroom which I really wanted, and go and knock on the mirror three times.

Amanda (as Inara): Fine.

Eric (as Autumn): Fine.

Amanda: And Inara’s gonna stuff her mouth full of 12 shrimp.

Eric (as Autumn): You’re literally the worst.

Amanda: I’m gonna just give her an exaggerated smile full of shrimp.

Eric (as Autumn): [whispering] You’re the worst.

Eric: Johnny, what are you doing?

Michael: I’d like to talk to the Representative, if that’s cool.

Eric: Sure.

Michael (as Johnny): So you got my message back at the pool.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Yeah, Johnny, um you blasted a endangered person into a pool. I think you were pretty straightforward.

Michael (as Johnny): He’ll be fine. Where’s Alonzo?

Eric (as Representative Brink): Whoooo?

Michael (as Johnny): Don’t play games with me.

Eric (as Representative Brink): But we’re- why would I-

Michael (as Johnny): I’m already playing one game with you, I’m not playing another. Where is he?

Eric (as Representative Brink): That was a good line. I shoulda came up with that one. That’s why you’re doing so well. Everyone- you just like, you’re a hero from a story. You get all these one-liners and you zing people with them.

Michael (as Johnny): Well, it’s all for the kids. Now where’s Alonzo?

Eric (as Representative Brink): Oh, is that a real thing? Are you really into literacy?

Michael: I just lift my book.

[all laughing]

Eric: Got ‘em. Yeah. Good point. Good point.

Eric (as Representative Brink): I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know where… I don’t know where he is. I thought he was coming to compete in the tournament. That’s what they told me. That’s what the producers told me. And then he didn’t show up.

Michael (as Johnny): But he was here.

Eric (as Representative Brink): I mean, in theory. I didn’t see him, but the producers said-

Michael (as Johnny): So what caused the fire?

Eric: She kind of like pushes a one strand of hair out of her face, and like tries to put it back up into her top bun and says

Eric (as Representative Brink): [unconvincingly] I don’t know. I didn’t see the fiiiiiire…

Michael (as Johnny): I understand that you may be new at this, but I’m not new at this. Where is Alonzo?

Eric (as Representative Brink): I don’t know. He’s here, I guess? I don’t [sighs]. I control the mud going around, but like they’re sentient. They know things- they prioritize. I told them not to tell me everything, so they don’t tell me everything. They said Alonzo didn’t show up, I believe them. They’re still my creations, but like I don’t- I don’t hear every piece of info that comes in and out of Tortipolis. Come on!

Michael (as Johnny): So you know that one of the Champions of the Realm is here.

Eric (as Representative Brink): The Champion of the Realm was theoretically in Tortipolis. Maybe he didn’t come! Maybe he’s like walking around the- the barracks we have, or looking at arrows. He’s been looking… looking at arrows or wh- sh- go into archery, I don’t know. I don’t keep track of him. I thought that was your job.

Michael (as Johnny): Well I do know that my job is to find him and yours apparently is to play a game while more catastrophes happen to the Concentric States.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Why do you think they voted me in here? I’m trying to take control here. The Tortipolis people- for years, for decades, for centuries the Tortipolis people have been beat down by the city-state system. I’m here to raise them up, and if it takes magic mud to do it, hell, I’m gonna do it.

Michael (as Johnny): Just as long as you’re the one in control and not the mud.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Yeah. That’s me. I’m the one wearing the boots aren’t I. If the shoe fits. Ha. There. I got a- I got a one-liner back at you.

Michael: I high-five her.

Michael (as Johnny): Fine. We’ll keep playing. But I want you guys to start looking for him, and I want updates or we’re gone, the three of us.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Fine. I’ll start sending ‘em out right now. Right after you play.

Michael (as Johnny): And I want a library for the kids.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Uh, fine.

Michael (as Johnny): And me.

Eric (as Representative Brink): Alright, lib- in the mansion? It’s a man- like I didn’t… You want a library in the mansion?

Michael (as Johnny): For the kids preferably and then-

Eric (as Representative Brink): What kids?! There’s no kids!

Michael (as Johnny): THE kids!

[Amanda laughing]

Eric (as Representative Brink): Alright, fine. Okay. Library, fine. Go- alright, it’s about to start.

Michael (as Johnny): I’ll see you out there.

Michael: And I go an eat a couple shrimps.

Eric: Cool. At this point, everything’s kind of wound down. I think at this point, the Representative says

Eric (as Representative Brink): Okay, um, that’s enough time here in the suite. I think everyone is ready to go, and it’s challenge time. So everyone just stand where you are and, uh, you get transported to the starting line.

Brandon (as Tracey): Beep boop.

[applause and cheering heightens]

Eric: The mud below you kind of like lowers all of you down into the colosseum and the colosseum is packed with people, it is just as full as the first time you were in there, and now like they recognize you, so like everyone's really cheering. Some people are going, “Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!”

Michael: Most people are, probably.

Eric: And Alice nudges you to be like

Eric (as Alice): Oh, Johnny, you’re so swell. I think you can convert everyone to the Undyin’ Light if you really wanted to.

Michael (as Johnny): [in bad Southern accent] Uh… Well shucks, sweet tea and honey biscuits, you know it, Alice!

Eric: And then you all get lowered onto the colosseum. And all of you are lowered into different places around the circular colosseum, and then the Jumbotron turns on, and it’s kind of like a recap of everything that’s happened on camera in the last 24 hours that’s like been cut into each other. There’s all this footage of Tracey like running around raging and shooting the chair, and then there’s like a voiceover of Tracey saying

Eric (as Tracey): [over Jumbotron] “What about your friends down there? You wouldn’t like it if I swung at them.”

Brandon: And Tracey shoots of a few like big blasts of noise and light out of his cannon.

[cannon shots amid cheers]

Eric: You just shot blanks? You’re shooting blanks?

Brandon: Like blanks, eyah.

Eric: And then you have Kevin Vacation literally says

Eric (as Kevin Vacation): [over Jumbotron] I’m gonna live forever!

Eric: And then it’s cut with Johnny shooting him into the pool later. It’s like one after another.

Michael: I just shoot out some Eldritch Blasts into the air.

[fireworks sound]

Eric: And there’s that voice, it’s like

Eric (as Johnny): [over Jumbotron] You can’t have Light without Shadow. I’m having an internal struggle. This is a struggle that I’m going through. The Shadow isn’t the worst thing.

Eric: And the next thing is Alice is saying

Eric (as Alice): [over Jumbotron] Oh my stars! A divine being from the Undyin’ Light! I guess we have a real prophet on our hands. I hope Brinksy can see that.

Eric: And then there’s like, in an interview with Chad, who says

Eric (as Chad): [over Jumbotron] I am a hu-man. Look, I will romance the Representative with my hu-man dance moves.

Eric: And then just like the cube just like jiggles from side to side.

[all giggling]

Amanda: Adorable.

Eric: Then there's like a few minutes just like of Inara content. There’s like Inara with Oatcake, Inara like talking to the Representative from afar. They’re like kind of painting her as the front runner at this point.

Amanda: Hell yeah.

Eric: And this is Inara with the dress from the party:

Eric (as Inara): [over Jumbotron] I don’t wear pretty stuff that often. I got this from a friend.

Eric: And then you blush.

Amanda: I am going to cast Mage Hand up into the sky and have the Mage Hand do a little finger gun.

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: Like ten feet above my head.

Michael: I’m gonna add fireworks effects out of that finger gun.

Eric: The whole colosseum goes, “Aww!” and then one person goes, “Get ‘em! Get ‘em!”

[Amanda laughs]

[intense, low-pitched action music begins]

Eric: And then Representative Brinks walks to the center of the stadium, and there’s a really big metal collar that’s attached to a really long chain that’s like staked in the middle of the colosseum. She takes this little figurine out of her pocket and she puts it on the ground. And while she’s doing this, the voice from the PA goes

Heddy (as PA): Oh look! Our contestants are here for their first challenge. Let’s give a big hand for them, folks. Being a part of Representative Brinks’ life might seem like a dream. You’re on the arm of the most powerful woman in the Concentric States! But that dream like can turn into a nightmare if you’re not careful. Let’s see if you can wrangle this Nightmare while also wrangling her heart. This is “Pin the Crown on the Horsie!”

Eric: And everyone goes crazy, and a camera zooms in on the figurine on the ground. It’s kind of the size of a chess piece, and it’s a horse. And when you zoom in close enough, it’s like really finely etched and has like a twisted face, and you can see that there’s little like- like someone painted red on the back of the horse. And it has like red eyes, and the Representative leans down and whispers something to the figurine. And then the figurine starts to rattle, and quickly the figurine starts to grow, and grow. It’s like ‘Animorphs’ style how it like slowly is changing, and growing, and swelling, and it looks really weird and the body is like way too big and then the legs like shoot out.

And the figurine turns into this stomping, flaming horse, dark as ink and fire as its mane. And as it grew, like it’s head was inside of the collar that was attached to the chain, and it whinnies loud enough that it’s just projected throughout the entire colosseum. And then it starts to run, and it actually starts to run right at Alice, and she like cringes, but then it jumps in the air and then starts flying around the colosseum with the chain like holding it down. Representative Brinks then picks up some other metal hoops that are at her feet and comes around and gives it to each one of you. And you can see that this metal is like fashioned into a flower crown. It’s like twisted and looks decorative. And as soon as she gives a hoop to each one of you, she says

Eric (as Representative Brink): Alright, this is a Nightmare ring toss. Whoever wins gets a one-on-one date with me. Let’s do it!

Eric: And then the whole crowd explodes and cheers while the nightmare whinnies and keeps flying around your head.

[cheers fade]

[theme music]

Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.

Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.

Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at hello@jointhepartypod.com.

Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.

Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.