O, my name’s Cervantes Kid / As I sailed, as I sailed / O, my name’s Cervantes Kid / As I sailed / My name’s Cervantes Kid / Shot up a giant squid / And three score katydid / As I sailed
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Cammie goes on her big nerd walking tour of the arcane barrier protecting Small Key Island. After running into Greenfolk versions of Amanda McLoughlin, Brandon Grugle, and Eric Silver, she learns that the barrier is set and secure. Even though sea monsters have been rowdy recently, because they've been eating something. Then we compete in round two of the Bullseye Games. Troy reveals his wings in a magnificent spectacle, which gains the crew the highest marks of round two. That puts Troy at second overall behind Kid Cervantes. In the third round, the duels, Troy gets first pick of his opponent, as the sharpshooter cactus skips forward to the semifinal round. The tournament is coming down to the wire, so the tournament arc is just ratcheting up. Let's get the party started.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, I always knew they were going to win. They're my friends fro— they're my friends from back home, you know the Hold? Well, I'm just a young carrot woman out in the town, and I have to say if you're not betting on the Cra—if you're not betting on Troy Riptide, well, you have something wrong with you, honey.
Eric: And then the whole crowd laughs as Lucky Edie walks out with just a 100— a 100 people dripping off of her, being like—
Eric (as Crowd): Edie, tell me more about Troy, is he that jacked?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Of course, I'll tell you about all my stories back over here in my house. Let's just have a party and let's not really talk about Troy all that much. He's such a dreamboat, but I'll tell you only if you listen to my stories that are filtered through my perspective about him. Come on, fellas.
Amanda: Damn.
Julia: I hate that she followed us.
Brandon: I am the most neutral you can possibly be about Lucky Edie.
Julia: Famously.
Eric (as Umbi): Hey, look at that person I know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, you have a name?
Eric (as Umbi): Do I— do I— how much do I remember you?
Amanda (as Umbi): Whether I do or I don't, I have a mechanic for both.
Eric (as Umbi): Regardless of what I do, I feel fine both ways.
Eric: As— as people are streaming out of Small Key Stadium, the stars shining in the sky and bouncing off the sea glass stationed beautifully around the top of the stadium, almost like a crown as if it was the— the goddess of the sea, which we don't believe in Verda Stello because of the mono—
Brandon: That's a pretty image, though.
Eric: Of the mono—of the, you know, dominant monotheistic culture, but maybe some people might believe in it. I don't know. Question mark. As everyone is throwing themselves into night two of the Bullseye Games, they're probably gonna have to go home or to their holds or out on a job in a day or two. This has real, like, Saturday before Spring Break ends energy.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: I was gonna say did they, like, drink all their alcohol on the first night and now, they're, like, don't even want a party at all and too many leftovers?
Eric: No, they gotta go— they gotta double down, but it's worse.
Amanda: Ahhh. Ohh.
Brandon: As you walk into the competitive village, you hear a grasshopper with a clipboard say—
Brandon (as Grasshopper): If you haven't fucked now, do it now.
Julia (as Grasshopper): Get— get your fucks in.
Eric (as Grasshopper): We didn't buy a metric ton of pirate-grade condoms for you not to use them. He— hey, all the young’en women out there, if you're with a penis-haver, and he says that he— he only could fit into pirate size, he's lying, and— and your health care teacher puts her entire arm inside of a condom.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: I just thought a pirate size would just be like a sword, and then that's just made— renders the condom ineffective.
Eric: It's more durable. It has to hold up in sea air.
Amanda: Yeah. I was thinking extra durable. Julia, what were you thinking?
Julia: I was trying to think what that possibly could mean.
Amanda: Sure. Sure, sure.
Brandon: Just like a peg leg or something.
Amanda: Can hold Amber in a pinch.
Brandon: The— the parrot likes to watch. Alright, she's gone.
Eric: You can put a bunch of doublooms in it and carry it around if you need to.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, no, it's fair.
Amanda: It is see-through, but, you know, apart from that, it's good in a pinch.
Eric: Hey, wee are the only actual play podcast that will make sex education jokes, not just sex jokes.
Julia: It's true. It's true.
Eric: We're the thinking man, we're the thinking man’s actual play.
Amanda: Yeah, that's true. Family-friendly.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, we're educational.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Come to us for your sex ed.
Brandon: Yeah. Have your kids listen to the show and learn about pirate sex.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Sex ed.
Eric: Hey, here's the thing, Brandon, all sex is pirate sex.
Brandon: That's true.
Julia: If you think about it.
Eric: Love is love is pirate love is love.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: We'd— hey, yeah, I went to a public school, so we only got, like, heterosexual sex. We didn't talk about pirate sex at all. And I didn't really— it was hard for me.
Julia: It's really— there's— no pirate sex is straight. No pirate sex is straight.
Amanda: No.
Eric: Yeah, 'cause they have peg legs and they're on ships, so it bounces up and down.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: On a hammock if you're lucky.
Brandon: Did not think that this is where this intro was gonna go.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: As the population spills out into Small Key Island, ready to hit the town to drink all of the remaining Creme de Menthe and sambuca they have left—
Brandon: Delicious.
Eric: —and try to just make whatever drinks you can out of that, and suck the marrow out of the weed crabs that are scuttling around. The—
Julia: The chloroform, please.
Eric: Yeah. Right, right, right. You know, the thing— a wonderful thing about evolution is that everyone turns into a weed crab, eventually.
Julia: Hmm. That's true. Yeah.
Eric: Hey, the— the night is yours. I think that—
Brandon: That's what they called me in high school, weed crab. Sorry, continue.
Eric: The night is yours. In my head, the days were spread out like, opening ceremony and then round one, because round one is relatively quick, because everyone goes at the same time. And then day two and day three are this longer affair. So, I think it is, like, fully nighttime. In my head, all of these events start at sunset, so the sea glass can catch the light.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: So I think it's like fully, fully nighttime, and y'all can do whatever you want. People are out— out in the town. You can go back to the competitors' village, you can do whatever you want, and your ship alongside all the other ships-- Or you assume all the other ships of the people competing are underneath the stadium in the competitors, quote-unquote “dock parking lot.”
Amanda (as Troy): Well, guys I said that I would try to meet up with Threelips, try to make things a little better. You know, left things on kind of a bad note last night, so I wanted to go meet up with him pretty soon, but I— I can do whatever until then.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): No, go repair your friendship.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, do that. I mean, offer all-- it still stands, he wants to be a pirate, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): It seems like he's super doesn't want to be a pirate, but the offer does stand.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool. You guys are the best. Thanks.
Brandon (as Umbi): It stands on a peg leg.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, nothing wrong with a peg is a leg.
Julia (as Cammie): That's true. No?
Brandon (as Umbi): The best kind of leg.
Amanda (as Troy): True.
Julia (as Cammie): Imagine several peg legs, the best kinds of legs.
Eric (as Orello): I know you told me I wasn't supposed to speak, but there's a lot of innuendo—
Brandon (as Umbi): Goddamn it.
Eric (as Orello): —that's involved. And I'm not saying it, but I'm pointing out that it's around.
Julia (as Cammie): You are saying it, though.
Eric (as Orello): Well, I'm— I have to get more secrets. Goodbye.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, hang on. Guys, remember that thing we wanted to get from that boat and that person?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah?
Amanda (as Troy): Could he help?
Eric (as Orello): Who, me?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, god.
Eric (as Orello): Orello Threepwood of—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, Planter—
Eric (as Orello): —the House of Orange?
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know, Orello.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, Planter help us.
Eric (as Orello): Disgraced son, cousin, and uncle?
Amanda (as Troy): Are you willing to do somewhat of, I don't know, under the radar mission? Or are you just here to kind of, like, spectate and pretend that you didn't sleep in all three of our bunks?
Eric (as Orello): Troy, my— my good, good, good, good, good Greenfolk man.
Brandon (as Umbi): Buggets.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): So many goods.
Brandon (as Orello): I'm here to do both, darling.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Amanda (as Troy): So, yeah, you know the— you know the competitor what doesn't have a face or maybe does, but it's like it's all poking out of like an armor thing? Looks pretty uncomfortable.
Eric (as Orello): Hmm, sounds familiar. I guess I was looking— I guess I did see that at some point.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. So his name's Radbert and he said he had a pretty important journal on his ship, about, like, the kind of mission we're on. And, you know, you sort of infringed on our hospitality recently, a lot, so it would be great if maybe you could, like, find that for us or trade something of yours for it. That would be a big help. Even temporarily, you could put it back, but just, you know, just temporarily.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy is not implying your body, but we're also saying that's not off the table.
Brandon (as Umbi): Doublooms, your sanity, your life. Whatever, you know?
Amanda: Troy picks up a— a generous handful of prophylactics from a bowl nearby.
Eric (as Orello): Hmm, I guess I could be convinced. I'm more of a talk to people, figure things out, gather secrets, distribute secrets, loose peels sink ships, sort of thing, but—
Amanda (as Troy): Ohh.
Eric (as Orello): I guess I could get into— I guess I could get a little bit more hands-on, if you know what I'm saying, Troy. Sorry, my hand’s already on your chest. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): We don't need to know your methods. Please, God.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy removes the hands from his chest.
Amanda (as Troy): You— you can talk to him, too. He— he said he'd be happy to show us, so if you— you know, up to you, do it how you think is best. But, you know, this is—
Brandon (as Umbi): Show us the poem.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I want to see the poem.
Brandon (as Umbi): Show us the poem.
Eric (as Orello): Ohh, the poem of what? Can you give more context for this exactly?
Julia (as Cammie): It's in a book, and it's about keys.
Eric (as Orello): Keys?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Orello): Books. What is it?
Amanda (as Troy): It's one—one of those rhyming ones, so you remember it better.
Eric (as Orello): It's a rhyming— it's—
Brandon: Oh, that's why they do a rhyming poems, so you can remember it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Orello): It's a rhyme about keys.
Amanda (as Troy): Why would you rhyme it if you don't have to recite it later?
Eric (as Orello): Hmm. Okay. I mean, I'll— I'll see what I can do. How is— what are you— what's he li— what is he like? What is he into?
Amanda (as Troy): Um, big cannon?
Julia: That's a great question.
Eric (as Orello): He's into big cannons, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Not talking a lot.
Eric (as Orello): He doesn't really talk a lot, alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Pirate stuff.
Eric (as Orello): Pirate things.
Amanda (as Troy): Pirate stuff. That's good Cammie. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, he likes to win contests, I assume, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean he's not doing such a great job right now. High five!
Eric (as Umbi): Got 'em!
Brandon: And you see Cammie and Umbi do the best high five you've ever seen in your whole life.
Julia: Like radiates across the island.
Amanda (as Troy): You guys are on a roll today, man.
Eric: You know campaign one, I would make you roll for it. But here in campaign three, you got it.
Amanda: Ohh.
Julia: Yeah, thank you.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: That's growth, yeah.
Eric (as Orello): So I can work with nothing. I would just— just rather you say honestly that they— that if you don't really know I can— I'll wi—I'll get my way in.
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, that's all we got.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah. It's just— it's going to be inside of that armor, it's going to be dan—it's going to be dandelion, and then filling the crevices in between is going to be a lot of orange juice if you know what I'm saying.
Amanda (as Troy): I knew you were getting the job.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's gross.
Eric (as Orello): I'm getting close to him, that's what I met.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Super don't want to think about that anymore.
Amanda (as Troy): But you know he said it will be down by his boat, so maybe you can—can check it out or catch him in the village. I—was he at the party last night? I—I don't remember.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. So maybe you might be—might be down by the party.
Eric(as Orello): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): I read his tea leaves.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, yeah.
Eric (as Orello): How much should I say that I'm close to you? You know what I know—
Julia (as Cammie): Not even a little bit.
Eric (as Orello): I know the answer to that. Not at all, alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes, correct.
Eric (as Orello): But for my own reasons, not for the ones that Cammie's just said.
Amanda (as Troy): Yep, exactly. Also, do you want to— you want to touch the wings as a little thank you?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't want to watch this.
Eric: I rolled an 8, so Orello cannot keep his cool, immediately puts his whole face on your wings.
Julia: Uhhh.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, alright. Okay, okay now. Okay.
Eric (as Orello): It's just so strong, there's no muscles in here. But are— are there muscles in there?
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Orello): Alright, I'll see what I can do.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm gonna have to get, like, a mosquito net for my bunk to keep Orello out.
Eric (as Orello): I'll just chew my way through, Umbi. Alright, I'll see you later. Don't wait up.
Julia: I didn't think about him having teeth until just this moment. And I don't like it.
Eric: Incredible. Hell yeah.
Amanda: Oh, I love Orello.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: I'm concerned, should I go after him just to like make sure he doesn't get himself in worse trouble?
Amanda: Nah.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: I mean, you can if you want to.
Eric: It's up to you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I know that he's— I know he's a big goof. And, Julia, I'm not saying this to come into one way or another, but like, if you were to, you know, click over and look at the bio of Orello Threepwood, he is kind of like a secrets guy. He tra— he is a merchant of antiquities and secrets.
Brandon: He's an information broker. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. He—he is an information broker so he can hold his own even though he's a giant goof and a disgraced member of a royal Cragish family.
Julia: Okay. Alright.
Brandon: And just the softest pervert. Just the softest pervert.
Eric: Just a—just putting your head on a freshly down pillow of pervert. It's October and you— you finally put your flannel sheets on a pillow and you pull a blanket so-- right after your chin. He's that kind of pervert.
Amanda: That's it.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: So, yeah, what do you— what do y'all want to do? The night's yours.
Amanda: What do you guys want to do?
Julia: I mean, I think Cammie is gonna send a note to Alicia just to be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, do you want to go on a fun little mission with me in the morning? Super early.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): You can't do a mission without me, without me getting my stink on it.
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful.
Eric: XXX, Smelly XXX.
Julia: Incredible. Cammie just responds back—
Julia (as Cammie): See you at dawn.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Not unless you see me or smell me first.
Julia (as Cammie): I will probably smell you first, that is fair.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): I miss this.
Amanda: Cute.
Brandon: Okay. I have something I want to do, Eric.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: I don't know why that—
Amanda: Uh-oh.
Julia: —makes me say uh-oh, but the tone really is a uh-oh tone.
Brandon: Here's what I want to do, Eric.
Eric: Sure. I feel like this is like in a musical where like, the piano is playing.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: And it's like we're gonna do a comic number right now. It's gonna involve speak rapping.
Brandon (as Umbi): My name is Umbis and I'm here to say. I invented hip-hop.
Amanda: Woah.
Julia: Back in my day.
Brandon: I assume everyone's sort of like gathered around the fire again this evening.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, y'all can split up. In my head, you were still back at the stadium. You can all go do whatever you want. Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, I'm gonna head towards the competitor's place where we sleep.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: And hang out around the fire.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And is one, Kid Cervantes there?
Eric: It's a good question. Good question. Yeah, I think that everyone, almost everybody who was there the night before is back around the fire. Because this round took longer, people are a little bit more dead, though. They had like a lot more energy, so it's like, a lot of people are like in ice baths. It's like people in the locker room like took ice baths and got wrapped up by the trainer, and now they're just trying to cool down. So, it's less of a— it's less of like a party or a hang sesh like it was the day before. But, certainly, like, people around, they're just kind of waiting it out until they can go to sleep. Or at least the, you know, the more conscientious competitors certainly are.
Brandon: Yeah, got it.
Eric: Framboise is tending to the fire again. And she says—
Eric (as Framboise): Hello, friend of Troy.
Brandon: I tip my— my flower.
Brandon (as Umbi): My bug.
Amanda: You doff your flower?
Brandon: I doff my flower.
Eric: Listen, it's up to you. How much do you think Archimedes Sevens is still hanging all over you?
Brandon: Oh, Eric, I would prefer it if Archimedes Seven was still hanging out.
Eric: Yeah. I think that he's waiting— he's sitting completely straight backed on a chair. Like on a big slouchy outdoor lawn chair that got left from the last time there was a—there was a Bullseye Games. Somehow, he has perfect posture on it.
Amanda: His back is not touching the back.
Eric: No, his back is not touching the back at all, and he's like—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ah tri— trickster oracle please come here I have much to say and I need to parse about whether or not you're telling me the truth or lies and part of my growth as a person, and eventually becoming the Builder as part of my— me figuring that out. But you know— you know your— your secrets and everything. Please sit down, please, please, please, please.
Brandon (as Umbi): My non biological son, thank you for— for waiting for me.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): That's the first time anyone's called me a son, biological or not.
Brandon (as Umbi): How were you born?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Well, we are all— we are all born but we're immediately put into a training program and called contestants from the beginning.
Julia: Wah!
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, rough. Jesus Christ, okay.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Why is that—is that strange?
Julia: Cammie is not there, that was a Julia reaction.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Is—is that not—is that not normal? Is that— I have—I have no context for the way that I live my life.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright. Archimedes, follow my lead and if you have any good ideas, speak up.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I will. Alright.
Brandon: Touches his nose and then touches Archimedes' nose and then touches his nose.
Eric: Archimedes touches your nose, and then touches where the nose would be on his skull moth face on the back of his head.
Amanda: Cute.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I go— I got it.
Brandon: I want to sidle up to Kid Cervantes.
Eric: Cool. Kid Cervantes is wearing a similar outfit as yesterday, but this time, it's like the sunrise of the American southwest.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: A lot more— a lot more goldenrod or orange or blue going into yellow.
Brandon: Beautiful, beautiful.
Julia: Feeling confident.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. Nice.
Eric: Big pants still.
Brandon: Ah, yes, of course.
Brandon (as Umbi): Mr. Cervantes, how are you?
Eric: The cactus man turns towards you, pivoting just at the waist.
Brandon (as Umbi): I really— I was impressed by your showing. Um, I thought— I thought you were a man who might enjoy another good competition. I'm a little bored if I'm honest. Tonight's a little sleepy. So, I was wondering if you wanted to play a special game of Drink the Drink with me?
Eric: Hmm. Interesting.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's a— it's an Overstalk variation, you know? But if you can't handle it, you know, if you want to stay fresh and bright for tomorrow, I understand but I thought it might be fun, liven up the evening.
Eric: Yeah, give me a charisma check.
Amanda: I like it.
Brandon: Can I do persuasion?
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Brandon: 13 plus 5 for 18.
Eric: 13 plus 5 for 18. Man, when your grand—
Julia: Nice.
Eric: —when your grandpa tells you to do something, you sure you do it, huh?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, you do, son
Brandon: Eric—
Julia: I love being mocked by an old man.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, God, what do we do? Kid Cervantes looks at you with the holes where his eyes should be.
Brandon: Horrifying.
Julia: It's horrifying every time you describe it.
Eric: And then cowboy sidles over to-- [Brandon makes classic Western music noises] cowboy—cowboy sidles over to a picnic table with a—with a random array of chairs that have collected here at the competitor's village. It seems like it's on.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, excellent. Okay, so here's how—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, you're not going to leave me out of this competition. Me, Archimedes Sevens, future Builder of—future Builder of Hothouse.
Brandon (as Umbi): Absolutely not. I actually need-- you are a very important piece of this puzzle Archimedes. We need a third party to fill the drinks and mix them up. So me and Kid don't know which one’s in which, you know.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, that's so funny. But you wouldn't, you kno— but you wouldn't besmirch my reputation as future leader by not letting me compete in a battle of wits, understandings, and drinkings.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, I guess if you want to play you can play.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I'm playing, it's on!
Brandon (as Umbi): Framboise, can I borrow you?
Eric (as Framboise): Fine, only because they want to see other men drink the wrong thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I think you're gonna like this, Framboise.
Eric (as Framboise): Absolutely.
Brandon (as Umbi): So here's how we played drink the drink in Overstock.
Brandon: And I grabbed five, like, red solo emptied-out walnut shells. I don't know, what are we drinking out of?
Eric: That's fine.
Julia: Solo cups, yeah.
Eric: Solo cups are fine. The Solo company exists in this world.
Amanda: Wow. And French.
Brandon (as Umbi): So, here's what we do. So, this is actually only a one round thing, there's no betting involved. But it's really about the merit and the courage of the— the competitors. So in one, we put a normal Creme de Menthe, I guess.
Brandon: And Umbi pour a little bit of Creme de Menthe in one.
Eric: Just the nastiest, minty-smelling the liquor.
Julia: Uh-hmm. I think it's gonna be pretty obvious which ones which when you play the game.
Brandon (as Umbi): And to be— to be clear, that's the good one, you do want that one.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Good— good to know, hard to tell.
Brandon (as Umbi): In this next one, we pour a little truth serum.
Brandon: And Umbi opens up a vial, pours some true serum into one.
Julia: Do you actually have truth serum?
Brandon: Yep.
Julia: Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Brandon (as Umbi): In this next one, we put a little Oil of Taggit.
Brandon: And Umbi put a little bit of Oil of Taggit in another one.
Brandon (as Umbi): In this next one, we put a little bit of Potion of Growth. And then in this last one, we just do a— it's a good one. Like— it's just like a potion of climbing. So we just put a little potion of climbing in there. Now, we got Framboise mix them up. And then at the same time, we announced the numbers of the cup we wanted—of what we want to drink from, and then we drink that drink. And we have a round of what happens next. But what happens next depends on what you drink, right? So.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ah, we're using the—the—the we’re using the divine spirits and also this occasion to expand our minds much like they do with Overstalk. Just got to doing whatever and saying it's an ex—saying it's more of a transcendental experience. Because I've read a plenty of books of where you're fro— where you're from dear Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): And that's my—and that's my understanding and please do not give me more clarity on your experience.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, that's exactly a 100% correct.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Wonderful. Of course, I know everything, of course.
Eric: Sure. So though— in that order, that's one through five, or I should mix up the numbers?
Brandon: Julia, can you write down one through five, and choose where to place all these things? And then me and Eric will do like rock, paper, scissors or 1 2 3 go and we'll—
Julia: Sure. Can you list me off the one through five again, and then I'll pick an order?
Brandon: Yes. So we've got truth serum, Oil of Taggit—
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: —Potion of Climbing—
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: —Potion of Growth, and then just Creme de Menthe, which is a kind of potion if you think about it.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, makes your mouth really minty.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And you take two points of uncomfortable damage.
Julia: Alright, I’ve got our order.
Brandon: And if anyone wasn't clear, this is a game that they play in Overstalk, like in frat houses, just—just like a joke, because it's stupid and pointless but—
Eric: I love the idea of this is like it's Bible college, but like also college.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, a 100%.
Eric: That's funny. I had to ask Amanda, I'm like, what is Bible College? Is it a jo— is it a lie?
Julia: No, it's not.
Eric: Yeah. Cool. Alright, let's do it.
Brandon: Okay. So, on the count of three, you don't need to roll if you want.
Eric (as Archimedes): Wait, hold on, ho— wait, hold on a second.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric (as Archimedes): I need to make sure that I am at my fullest capacity here. Are you going to try to use your senses to pick out the one you want?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, this is a game of chance.
Eric: Eric asks, are you lying to me?
Brandon: No, I'm not.
Eric: Okay, beautiful. Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): So the game is— the game is you want to drink the regular one, the Creme de Menthe, whatever. And then you want your opponent to get one of the detrimental ones, right? So, like, let's say you get the Potion of Climbing or whatever, and then you take advantage— in the final round, you take advantage of what your opponent drunk. So—
Amanda: I see.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, whatever it is. But you know— you know, it's— it's very much like, let's see what the fates have divined for us, what the Planter ultimately decides they want for us, you know?
Eric (as Archimedes): I'm predestined to be perfect, so this is wonderful.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Eric: Alright, let's do it.
Brandon: Okay. So, on a count of three, we'll hold up our numbers and will say it loud. Alright, let's do it on go.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Alright. 1,2, 3, go. 1.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Alright.
Brandon: Oh, so why don't we kind of— we would drink one of the same ones.
Julia: Eric, who— who has which there?
Eric: Four is for Kid Cervantes and two—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: — is for Archimedes.
Julia: Two is for—
Brandon: And now, Julia, I want you to describe what happens when we drink these drinks.
Julia: Great. Okay. Oh, boy.
Brandon (as Umbi): So everyone, grab your drink and we'll— we'll take a swig on the count of three.
Eric (as Archimedes): Okay. Alright. 1, 2, 3.
Julia: So I guess nothing obvious happens to Archimedes.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Oh, he's gonna be so disappointed.
Julia: Umbi grows two sizes, I think.
Brandon: Yeah!
Amanda: Yay!
Brandon (as Umbi): Woah, woah, woahhh!
Julia: Which is hilarious.
Amanda: He’s not gonna fit the bunkhouse.
Julia: And Kid Cervantes, we've never heard him speak really. But when he does, it's gonna be the truth.
Brandon: Yay! That’s what I was hoping for!
Eric: Wow.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: What did Archimedes get?
Julia: Archimedes got climbing.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: But he's not gonna start climbing stuff, so I was just like, uh, I don't know.
Brandon: So, he has an advantage on athletics checks for one hour, for climbing.
Eric: Incredible. So Umbi grows two sizes. Umbi immediately— Umbi immediately goes, "Boom!" 10 feet tall.
Julia: Busts through the ceiling.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa! God.
Eric: Outside, it would be like—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I don't know if anything works on me, hold on.
Eric: And Archimedes immediately starts climbing Umbi like a climbing wall.
Julia: Incredible.
Amanda: We're so close now.
Julia: All hi—all his bumps and bruises on his skin.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Archimedes hangs off of his— of ear hair.
Julia: Like King Kong.
Eric: Yeah, King Kong flings himself on top of Umbi.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: And Kid Cervantes pensively is looking up at big Umbi and Framboise is saying—
Eric (as Framboise): I'm so glad that I stayed by the fire tonight—
Amanda: I love her.
Eric (as Framboise): There's no such thing as the mine in LeMans, either that is where things go to die. But luckily, you— you all believe in it, so you're just doing things like this. This is incredible.
Julia: I love her.
Brandon: So the Potion of Growth, you– it lasts for 1d4 hours and I did just roll 4, so I'm gonna be large for four hours.
Julia: Oh, my God.
Brandon: Great.
Amanda: I hope you're gonna sleep outside.
Eric: Umbi— Umbi's gonna sleep outside.
Julia: Oh, my God, Brandon.
Brandon: And technically, Eric, you need to succeed on a bomb-saving throw or become poisoned for the hour for just— or, like, "poisoned” for truth serum.
Julia: Ohh.
Eric: Oh, it's fine, I'll just do it.
Brandon: Okay, okay.
Eric: I think— I think that's part of the thing is you're willingly— you're willingly doing it.
Amanda: Yeah, submitting. Yeah.
Brandon: Okay, okay, cool.
Julia: You fail your saves automatically.
Eric: Yeah, 'cause you're drinking it willingly—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Got it.
Eric: —so it's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh, Kid, how are you feeling?
Eric: Kid raises his one arm and gives— gives a spiny thumbs up.
Brandon (as Umbi): Great. Kid, uh, let's see, how do I test this? What did you get— what did you get? How do I do this?
Eric: Kid takes out Cushion, and a little cloth, and starts cleaning the— cleaning them.
Julia: Aww, that's cute.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh, let's see. Kid, can you please say— reply no to this question. Are you a cactus Greenfolk?
Eric: Kid screws up his cactus face for a moment, you hear the sound of almost, like, velcro coming undone—
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: —as you see a mouth start to rip its way through the cactus skin.
Julia: Everything about Kid Cervantes is so cool and yet so horrifying.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: I know, it's so good.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I don't think I understand your question. So the answer is no?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, you— you answer the que— I want you to say no and I'm— then I'm going to ask you a que— 'cause the following par—
Brandon (as Kid Cervantes): I feel compelled— I feel compelled to say no, if that's the proper answer, I'm supposed to say.
Brandon: Mmm, mmm.
Julia: You're not actually asking him a question. You're telling him what the answer should be.
Brandon (as Umbi): Mmm, okay. Well, I didn't know you could talk, so it's nice to hear from you, actually. Are you enjoying the— the games so far?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I didn't know I could talk either. Here I am.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, God. This is the first time you've spoken out loud?
Amanda: What?!
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I— you know, when you win something 7 out of 10 times it happens, you enjoy it for what it is.
Brandon (as Umbi): You've won this contest 7 out of 10 times?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Jesus Christ.
Julia: Who's beat you in the past?
Brandon (as Umbi): Who beat you in the other three?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I don't spend time thinking about things like that.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's fair. That's a good point. That's how winners win, you know?
Julia: He's too cool to answer our questions truthfully.
Amanda: Does he want the prize? What's the deal?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Do you want the prize? Oh, my— my good colleague, Amanda, who's past the fourth wall wants to know if you want the prize?
Eric: You don't have to do— you don't have to do that. They're helping you.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Well, for this one, yes, of course.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you know what the prize is? What it does? What's it for?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Yes. Do you?
Brandon (as Umbi): Not really. Could you tell me?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I know as much as the tablet say. It's part of the Infinite Salmon rhyme.
Julia: What's the last part? What's the last part?
Brandon (as Umbi): What's— do you know the whole rhyme?
Julia: Would— would he? Ho-ho-ho.
Eric: What do you know, though? Would he know about the whole thing?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): No, I only know parts of it, but enough to know— enough to know that a key made of clouds is important.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, God. Cool.
Julia: Is that one we didn't have yet? Or is that when we had?
Eric: No, that's the first one.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: The key in the sky.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): So, how many keys do you know? Like three out of four?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I know two, you know three?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, great. No, I only know two. The cloud—
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Oh, I know the one—
Brandon (as Umbi): What do you know?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Well, I guess it's three. I— again, I'm not— first time speaking.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Pretty— I'm still trying to figure it out.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's alright. It's—
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I know— I know that I know. Hmm. Here— here's an interesting thought. I know none of the keys except for this one, which I've seen. I know one.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia: But what parts of the rhyme does he know?
Brandon (as Umbi): What parts of the rhyme, poem do you know? Just two lines?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I mean, it seems like there are only two lines, right?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that's what we thought, too. Okay.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Yeah.
Brandon: I just want the audience to imagine that Umbi's yelling this from like—
Eric: It’s booming.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I think it would be interesting to find all the keys. Though, of course, I've already achieved my goal.
Brandon (as Umbi): What was your goal?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Well— you know.
Eric: He— he like swirls one cactus hand around, gesturing it from everything.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): You know, things like this. I come and go as I please, people know who I am. I'm the best at what I do. It's a good life.
Brandon (as Umbi): So, you're just sort of like a— like a professional competitor kind of thing?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): In the way that living on the Great Salt Sea is a constant competition, I'd say yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): How often do you think, in whatever we do, there's an opportunity to definitively say I'm the best? You know, especially when it comes to gunmanship, you shoot down a quick pirate, you shoot down a big pirate, you shoot down a lot of pirates, it's all subjective. But here we are, ranked in order. I like it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I guess that's true.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): So, I think I would say I'm the best sharpshooter out here, definitively.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I mean, right now, the numbers bear that out, but I want— like, you know, like, has there ever been any time you've lost before? Like, what— have— what was the thing that made you lose before? Was it— like, did— did you have some kind of weakness or— or, like, you're not good at some part of this contest or another contest, or something?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Hmm. It seems like I've drank the truth serum, so I'm going to try to answer this question carefully. Of course I have weaknesses.
Brandon (as Umbi): What are they?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): See, practice speaking, it's— it's good. Well, I'm not so quick on the draw. I can make up for it, of course.
Brandon (as Umbi): Mmm.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): What about you? What's your weakness?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, right now, I'm, like, 12 feet tall or something. It's pretty big, uh—
Amanda: Big target.
Brandon (as Umbi): Big target. My age, I'm probably going to die sometime soon, you know?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): But you're going to do it according to what you want?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, according to the planter, whatever the planter wants. Yeah.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Ah, you really are from Overstalk, aren't you?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Was that in question?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): You never know what people say or don't say. Ordinarily, you don't get one under truth serum, unless they throw themselves into a fun game to pass the time.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. That was really a mistake you did.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): A mistake, an experience, it's all that.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true. It's fun. I had a good time. Did you have a good time?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I'm currently having an interesting time. There was a grown man sitting on your head like a child.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is there anything we could offer you in terms of money, favors, information, or anything else that would maybe make you— or allow you to bow out of the competition? Or maybe throw the next game?
Amanda: Or give us the prize?
Brandon (as Umbi): Or if you do win, is there anything we could trade the prize for, for you? You know what I mean? Like, give you to have the prize for us? Words are hard when you're this tall.
Eric: Oh, that's a good question. What does Kid Cervantes want?
Brandon (as Umbi): Would you want one more night with your love that you haven't spoken to in 10 years? Would you want a reconciliation with your parents? Would you want 12 doublooms?
Eric: Hmm. Okay, okay, here we go.
Julia: This is some fae bullshit.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): If I end up with the key at the end of the contest, I will give you the key, if you help free my siblings from the underwater prison.
Brandon (as Umbi): Mmm. I think you got yourself a deal. Is the underwater prison here or somewhere else?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): It's not here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Cool. Deal.
Julia: How many siblings are there? Where is it?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): A pirate's handshake?
Brandon: Uh, we spit in their hands and then I reach down 12 feet. And then it, like, hurts to shake his hand.
Eric: Yeah, it stabs you in the hand.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): With this handshake, I swear to an exchange of bounty and booty, and ideas and ideals will do for each other what we can to survive on the Great Salt Sea. Yar!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yar!
Brandon: And we shake.
Julia: I'm so excited.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): So, how long— how long does this last for?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, it's probably like an hour.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Oh..
Brandon (as Umbi): Just— just, like, real quick before we go, but-- I'll let you go. But what do you think about my threads? Do I need to update my style?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I can't tell now, you've busted through all of it.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true, I am nude.
Eric: As you look— you look— you look down and you're mostly— just your shirt and pants are just covering your crotch right now.
Brandon: Real Hulk situation.
Eric: Yeah, real Hulk situation.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Well, I'm concerned when the truth serum ends, I won't have a mouth anymore. Interesting.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you want that?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Huh, what I want doesn't matter.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): It— it either it is or it isn't.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can you, real quick, write down before you go to sleep, like write down where they are and— and who they are and how to get them?
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Oh, if I end up with the key, I'll let you know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I have to hold up my end of the bargain before you can hold up yours.
Brandon (as Umbi): Right, exactly.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool. Um, I like you, Kid.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): I like you as well, old kid.
Eric: I rolled a 2 and— and a 3. Archie goes—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Whoa!
Eric: And falls off of your head.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda and this mid-roll is brought to you by the sweet, sweet feeling of a cool shower on a hot day. I know it's a simple thing, but I've done, oh, a good two, three a day for the last couple of weeks. And it really makes me feel like a pirate. I mean, if I had an outdoor shower that would really be, you know, the best, but doing what I can indoors for now. Hey, if you live in the UK or Europe, you gotta come see me and Eric live at a live show we are doing in Manchester on August 19th. We are going to be performing with Jasper Cartwright from Three Black Halflings and Games and Feelings and a special guest. We're going to play games, we're going to answer advice questions, and more. So if you live in the UK or Europe, if you want to visit people in Manchester, now is your time. Go to gamesandfeelings.com/live or click the link in the description to get your tickets. It's gonna be so much fun. I promise we are schlepping all the way over to England. We're gonna make it worth your while gamesandfeelings.com/live. Welcome to our newest patrons, Jess and Grace. We so appreciate you becoming patrons. You let us do this podcast by supporting us on Patreon. You are making sure that we can keep making a show that we love, and we know you love, too. We hope you are enjoying party planning, which is the bi-weekly audio and video podcast you get in addition to all the other bonus stuff of bloopers and bonus notes and one-on-one time with Eric in game master office hours. And you can even, by the way, a couple people have done it, you really should do, play a custom one-shot with us the hosts. We can play a fun one-page RPG of your choosing, and it's a ton of fun. Every time we've done this, it's been an incredible, wonderful time, and I think you should do it. Join today at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Support us for as little as five bucks at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, Eric came on to Spirits with a fantastic episode idea, which is a bracket of monsters that sell you stuff. You seriously have to check this one out. Even if you're not a regular Spirits listener, this one is a ton of fun. Come for our thoughts on Gritty, stay for our thoughts on Godzilla, and of course, finish strong with a real kind of power ranking of those monster serial mascots. So much fun, look up Spirits in your podcast app or go to spiritspodcast.com. We are sponsored this week by Twenty Sided Store. And I gotta tell you, we talk a lot about the merits of, you know, shopping at your friendly local game store and shopping at Twenty Sided Store in particular, if you don't have a game store near you, and you're like, "God, I wish I had that. Make Twenty Sided your local game store, you can go ahead and make all kinds of amazing purchases online. I almost say delicious, I mean, they're delicious, too. But the thing I wanted to shout-out this week is their tote bags. I think you can purchase them, but they also give them to you with a purchase of, like, a certain size, and they're incredibly sturdy. And I have used them to move so much stuff as Eric and I have moved apartments. So shout-out Twenty Sided Store, shout-out to your tote bags. Thanks so much. And listen, next time you're in the store in-person in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, or if you go to twentysidedstore.com, spell out that word, twentysidedstore.com, use the code Pirate for 20% off your order. Finally, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Often in life, you may sort of experience this thing where you're like, "God, like I could do one of the few things." Maybe you're not sure what the right thing is to do. Maybe you feel paralyzed or anxious, or like there's so much pressure on you, because you're not sure what to do next. And whether you're dealing with big life choices around, like, your career or your relationships, or just feeling overwhelmed by the choices in daily life, which definitely gets to me sometimes, therapy is a really, really great tool to figure out how to deal with those moments. And to practice before you get into a situation like that or even to talk through with your therapist, "Hey, I'm not really sure what to do. Help me understand what the best option would be for me." And I know, for me, when I could not find a therapist that I liked, that was taking new patients, that I could afford in-person, I use BetterHelp and it was really, really helpful to be able to have a flexible and convenient way to meet with a therapist online. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's one of the big things holding me back from in-person therapy was like, "Well, what am I going to do? Like, pay for a first appointment with, like, three different people and then figure out which one I like?" So, the fact that with BetterHelp, you can just, with the click of a button, find a new therapist was super helpful to me. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp – H-E-L-P, .com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Amanda: Meanwhile, over outside the competitor village, Troy is hanging around outside the stadium as the kiosks shut down, and tourists make their way to their accommodation for the night. And the late-night vendors of various grub-- not grubs, those too.
Eric: Oh, yeah, make a roll.
Amanda: Oh, sure.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Amanda: 5.
Eric: 5. You had definitely tried to go over to the rock grub vendor. Out, no rock grubs.
Brandon: Nooo.
Julia: Awww.
Amanda: Troy's like—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no, I think I got them all. Oh, no.
Amanda: But he's hanging around until the moon reaches its apex? And it's midnight.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: How do moon work?
Julia: How do moon work?
Amanda: How do moon work? It's out during the day sometimes, guys, I don't know.
Julia: It's wild.
Eric: It's wild you can see both the sun and the moon at the same time when you think about it.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: It's like they don't talk to each other or something.
Eric: I know. They should— they should—
Julia: I know, they really gotta talk to each other.
Amanda: It's like who's watching the kid? That's what I think, once you see the moon in the sky at the same time.
Eric: Yeah. Troy, you're standing there, it's quiet. You hear parties and raucous behavior happening out of the other side of town. You're waiting outside of the steps, and you hear a crash of trash cans falling over.
Amanda: Troy looks over.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, who goes there?
Amanda (as Troy): Me.
Eric (as Threelips): Who's me?
Amanda (as Troy): Troy. Do you ever think about what life would be like if I was called Trey?
Eric (as Threelips):: Yes, it would be a really different experience.
Amanda (as Troy):: Yeah.
Eric: Yes. You see Threelips hopping out, shaking a slug banana peel off of his foot.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: And he's holding a rifle that he's been using over the competition.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, they don't lock that up, take that away from you?
Eric (as Threelips): No, it's the only thing that's mi— that I can hold onto, so it's— I brought it from the bunks, so it's mine. So, no. They tried to, but no.
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry, I was trying to make a joke, but now I'm sad.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, well, same about—
Eric: Threelips kind of gestures around.
Eric (as Threelips): All this, so sorry you're sad, cool pirate Troy. Your dangerous life and bucking expectations and stuff. And not fated to die, just dying, like, from a cool story, cool thing that would happen to you.
Amanda (as Troy): First of all, pirates die much more often than any other kind of Greenfolk. That's definitely true. And I knew what I was getting into coming out here, but I didn't think about what it would be like for my brothers in arms, what I left behind. I thought about my— my brother brothers, don't care about them, they don't care about me. But I shouldn't care about you guys, and I didn't. And I was just excited about going on. You guys seem excited for me, and I didn't think about him more than that, because I— I was interested in— in me and my journey and me being a pirate, me being the sharpshooter. And, God, I was so excited to see you, Three. When we—when we saw you in the shipwreck, pulled you out of those depths, you were definitely gonna get ate by a big crab pretty soon, by the way. Glad you didn't. But, no, that's not—that's not the point. The point is, I wanted to say I am sorry that I did not write and I am sorry I left in the first place. I wish I took you guys with me. Because I'm not sorry I left, but I'm sorry I left you.
Eric (as Threelips): You know, it's not really an apology when you end something with like, "Oh, my life so cool, I'm Troy Riptide. Uh, I'm living this cool thing, and I wish I could've taken you in with me, but I couldn't." Like, that's— what is that? What is that? It's nothing.
Amanda (as Troy): I could have, you're right. It's not that I couldn't have, I just— I didn't think about it, and I think that's worse.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, it's definitely worse. Wha—
Amanda (as Troy): I'm sorry. I want to hear about your life. I want to hear about what you're doing, and I want to help you if I can.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you don't.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that's why I'm here.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you're here because you got invited, because it sounds like you're a pri— you're a pirate of renown and people know who you are, and then you just happen to run into me. You're not here because of me. It's just circumstantial. It just so happened that I'm— I'm in a situation that is— that's put together and then you're, what, you're just gonna swoop in and fix it like that? That's not— that's not how anything works. Just be— just because you— you got out doesn't mean you can ju— like everything just works like that. It doesn't. I'm— I have to— I am fated. This is what's going to happen. I— I— I can wiggle out of it and I can ask the king and I can throw myself at the feet of— of Lord Cavendish, but like if they're using this as— as an excu— as an excuse, what am I supposed to do? They'll just pluck me and throw me off the side of a cliff, and then I'm gone. And if that's what they want, I can't stop it. You have the ability, you got the ability to leave. But— and only— and only the way that your story— that you—this is the beginning of an incredible— an incredible adventure for Troy Riptide. So—
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I— I could stop it.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you can't.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I can.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you can't.
Amanda (as Troy): Why not? Hy owes me like a thousand favors.
Eric (as Threelips): I don't think that's how favors work.
Amanda (as Troy): It is when your stupid brother became the king.
Julia: What?! What? What?
Brandon: What?!
Julia: What?!!
Brandon: What?!!
Julia: Hey, what?
Brandon: Hey, what?!!
Julia: Hey— hey, what?!
Brandon: Hey, what?!!!!
Eric (as Threelips): You know, you kind of lose your lie, I— even I know— I wasn't paying attention that much, but even I know you lose your— you lose your place in line for the Cragish throne if you disappear and become a pirate.
Amanda (as Troy): That's why I gave it up to become a pirate for two years out on the Great Salt Sea, bring glory to the Crags.
Eric (as Threelips): That's an excuse. No, you're not. You're never going to come back.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes, I am. I'm going to find the Salmon. I'm going to bring glory to my family. I'm going to bring everlasting glory to the Crags. Yes, it's fun, but that's what I'm here for.
Eric (as Threelips): You're living a fantasy, Troy Breakstone.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, Threelips man, I just wanted to save you from certain death, and I mean it. Whether or not you forgive me, I am sorry that I left and I did not bring you with me. I'm sorry I didn't think about your feelings, and I'm sorry, I probably never would have if I didn't run into you on that shipwreck. I got a lot of growing up to do.
Eric (as Threelips): Uh-hmm. I miss you so much.
Amanda (as Troy): I miss you too, man. I talk about you and Rob all the time.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you don't. No, you don't.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes, I do.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you don't. Okay, here's what— you know what you can do for me?
Amanda (as Troy): You wanna come meet a religious dweeb because I talked to you.
Eric (as Threelips): No, I don't. No, I don't.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Threelips): You know what? There's something you can do for me.
Amanda (as Troy): Name it.
Eric (as Threelips): You have fir— you have first choice in the duel, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): Pick me.
Amanda (as Troy): Why would I do that, man? I'm not going to be responsible for that.
Eric (as Threelips): You know, they have magicians and diviners. They don't— most of the time they don't die. I read up on the rules, I read up on the histories. I read up on the other Cra— I read up on the other Crags competitors. It's— even at the beginning, they didn't know what they were doing, most of the people don't die in the duel. People wouldn't compete. Challenge me.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. I'm done thinking I know better than you. So if that's what you want, that's what I'll do.
Eric (as Threelips): It's what I want. If you want to help, do it. Do you trust me?
Amanda (as Troy): I do. I— I don't know if you trust me, but I know I trust you with everything.
Eric (as Threelips): Well, let's see. You're not as secretive as you think you are. Lily Rose knows, the— the guards know.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): You don't look that different. You just have like— you're just, like, dirty.
Amanda: (as Troy): Yeah. That's true. We don't shower as often as I thought. And if I knew that, it might have impacted my decision to become a pirate. But, no, it's— it's fine. I mean, they know where I am roughly, out here.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. No one thinks— yeah. They know you're here. You're not as disappeared as you think you are.
Amanda (as Troy): I didn't run away, dude. I sought adventure and glory. And I'm gonna bring it back or die trying.
Eric (as Threelips): I would have thought that you spend enough time out here to know that's the same thing.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm not gonna lie, of course, I got personal glory as I go for glory for the rest of us. But—
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. Well, why don't you rub some of that personal glory on me a little bit?
Amanda (as Troy): Do you want me to pull my punches? You want to win?
Eric (as Threelips): No. Do your best, just let me try.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. Well, no one knows my weak spots better than you, bud.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. I gotta go.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Oh.
Amanda: Troy pulls out of his pocket the handkerchief from Rob that he has divided up into three parts and gives one to Threelips.
Amanda (as Troy): 'Till next time we're together, you know? Just hang on to this for me.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. Okay. I— I gotta go.
Amanda (as Troy): See you on the field.
Eric: Threelips takes a step away, and then runs back and grabs you in a big hug.
Amanda: Troy weeps manly tears.
Eric: And then releases you and walks quickly away.
Amanda: And Troy sits down on the steps to think a little bit before he heads back.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] It's morning on the final day here in Bull— of the Bullseye Games. We're here at Small Key Stadium, and we're ready to see how this final round shapes out. Kid Cervantes continues his streak of winning Bullseye Games. We're gonna see if some of these upstarts, including young Troy Riptide of the Sea Whip pirates, has a chance to take the prize. This is an all-day event, please make sure to bring your tickets in, but you can wander in and out as much as much— as much as you can. The first duel begins when the sunflowers are reaching at the top of the sky.
Brandon: No one's sure exactly when that will be. It could be 12:15, could be 1:36. Who knows?
Julia: Who can say?
Eric: We're not taking time. It's a vi— it's a vibe. It's a vibe.
Julia: Yeah. So I think Cammie is going to meet with Alicia.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Julia: And can we fast-forward to getting to the— the mountain, I suppose?
Eric: Yeah, for sure. I think it's good. I think Troy, you have an early call because the— day three, the distance, the duels, kind of an all-day thing.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So you got to get there relatively early. Your matches are kind of spread out throughout the day, especially if you— if you end up winning.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Yes.
Eric: Umbi, what are you gonna do? I like the idea that there was like a tarp over you, because like, that's the only thing big enough to be a blanket. And now, it's like you're just under a big tarp with— with rags on.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yes. You're like a kitten under a full-sized blanket.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: So funny.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hello? Hello? Uh—
Eric: Crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle. Umbi, asleep outside, wearing just rags of clothes.
Brandon: The thing they don't tell you about Potions of Climbing is the hangover afterwards.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: Potion of growth.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ha-ha! Get up, old sir. What a fabulous night, I felt alive. I felt like one of the— I— I had that feeling, what do you call it? It's like— it's like your drin— it's like there's tea inside you that's bubbling up and you don't know where it's going.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that's called passion, baby.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, fun! No, fun.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fun?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I felt fashion.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fun.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Yeah. Passion is like when the tea is too hot and then you throw it at someone to establish dominance.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, we should get you to the stadium, Archimedes. I don't want you to be late. And we should pick up some, mmm, Pedialyte maybe?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I need the drink with electrolytes in it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): It goes right in through my roots.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, you need the root—the roo— Rooterade.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Rooterade. Yeah.
Amanda: Root oxygen bar.
Eric: Ooh, good, good.
Amanda: That's bad for roots. Don’t do that.
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright, Cammie. Let's— you want to go on your special adventure, looking for the inside, outside of volcano?
Julia: Yes, of course, obviously. I think I also left a little note for Havana being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Please take care of Troy while I'm not there.
Eric: Hmm. Hey, Julia, give me just a straight D20 roll for me.
[dice roll]
Julia: 6.
Eric: A 6?
Julia: 6.
Eric: A 6?
Julia: Not very good.
Eric: I don't know.
Julia: It's kind of low.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: This time we were looking for low numbers actually, Eric, so—
Julia: Well, maybe, I don't know.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You're looking— you're looking for low numbers?
Amanda: It's opposite day.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It's true. Here's something interesting.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: When you left, when Cammie left early, early.
Julia: Before dawn.
Eric: Before dawn, Orello is not back yet.
Julia: That's fine. I don't care.
Eric: Yeah. Just like— just wanted you to know.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: On a 6— on with the 6.
Julia: With the 6. Okay.
Eric: With the 6.
Brandon: 6.
Eric: So, yeah, Cammie, you're heading out. I love the idea that this is— like you're meeting your friend to go on a hike.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: So you're just like— you're just, like, out there like drinking a tea?
Julia: Uh-hmm. Cammie's got like a little to-go mug, and, like, hands one to Alicia when she arrives and is like—
Julia (as Cammie): It's been so long since we've gotten to do something like this. Would you like to go see a man who does magic?
Eric (as Alicia): You had me at man.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. I forgot how hot for it you were.
Eric (as Alicia): That's the second most recognizable adjective about me.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Alicia): After, you guessed it, loving.
Julia (as Cammie): Delightful.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Alicia): I'm just kidding. It was smelly. Let's go.
Julia (as Cammie): Not for me.
Eric: I love that— I also like the idea you're, like, in this like coastal almost fishing village and they have like an old— like a real 1950s style downtown strip—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —with like a big, you know, like a big sign with arrows pointing in all directions.
Julia: Of course.
Eric: And I think that one, it— like— it's like center of the Great Salt Sea, the Crags, Overstock, et cetera. And then there's— of course, there's an arrow pointing, like, 1.4 kilometers away. That's right. Verda Stello was on the metric system.
Julia: Of course. Why else would they be there?
Eric: Why else would they be there? It's like 1.4 kilometers away, lip of the upside down, right side up volcano. Because as this is a series of islands, it's archipelago, although it is farther north, where it's kind of chilly. This series of islands is built on an inactive volcano.
Julia: Sure. That's how islands work.
Eric: Yeah. You know how they do.
Julia: Love it.
Brandon: Inactive as far as we know. Wink, wink.
Eric: Yeah. So there is a— like a lip, and I think it— it's like an uphill hike, you know, starts as a pretty dense forest as you get outside of the town. But as you go up and up and up, it becomes more rocky, and then you end up— you can actually go to the lip of the dormant volcano.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: I think as you reach the top, you realize it's actually pretty. I mean, I don't know if you've ever been to a— to, like, a volcano or—
Julia: Can't say I have.
Eric: —like an earth formation that's existed for an extended period of time that’s no longer doing that thing.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But it's just like, "Wow, look at this big a hole that's just out there." Just at the top of this giant hill. You come over the ridge, and then it just— like the horizon opens up, and you're looking down, kind of into this ravine almost. It's not a hole, the majority of it looks like— is now just this ravine, the sloped interior area. But as you put your head over it, you see that there is— over to your right, there is a platform that you can walk over and go into this little house that's almost floating on the edge— attached to this small platform, floating on the edge of this upside down, inside out volcano.
Julia (as Cammie): Exciting!
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie give me an— give me an Arcana check.
Julia: Oh, I love an Arcana check. dice roll]
Amanda: You're so good at that.
Julia: It's a 14 plus. What do I have for Arcana? 4, 18.
Eric: 18? With an 18, you realize it’s not actually floating. It's just kind of flush against the way that the ravines slopes.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And you look down and it's actually a reverse wizard tower. You know, wizard towers go up, this goes down into the ravine.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Incredible.
Eric: And you might know wizard towers because, you know, magic users love, like, verticality. They’re super into it. Baba Rutabaga had, like, a— a parapet on her— on her cabinet that she just never used, she just liked it.
Julia: Naturally. Cammie's gonna be like,
Julia (as Cammie): Well, let's get going.
Julia: And just, like, gonna go down, I guess, and knock on the door, and just yell—
Julia (as Cammie): Avast Ye!
Eric (as Alicia): We're not— we're just doing it? I guess we're just doing it.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Alicia): Alright, we're doing it. Cammie, you've gotten so bold since I left you, but that also is what happens when a child turns into an adult.
Julia (as Cammie): That's true.
Eric (as Alicia): Everything's different about you, especially as you went through the life cycles as a green— as a Greenfolk.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. You're still the same though, Alicia.
Eric (as Alicia): That's fair. I never change, especially after the reconstructive surgery I've had.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon: They fixed your body, but they couldn't fix the stink?
Julia (as Cammie): Nope, that's a side effect.
Eric (as Alicia): I asked them to keep it.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Alicia): I paid extra for them to keep it. And I want to say, you know this about me, but I'm gonna say it again to declare here because we're saying it in a different place. My body was reconstructed after severe injuries.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Alicia): So it looks like it's different because that's the only way the doctors were able to put me together.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, they didn't have all the parts.
Eric (as Alicia): They didn’t. And I— best doctor team, especially one of them was a man.
Julia (as Cammie): Woah. I— I know a man doctor.
Eric (as Alicia): Oh, you do?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Alicia): Incredible.
Julia (as Cammie): I know, they're a rarity.
Brandon: There's at least two in Verda Stello.
Julia (as Cammie): Havana is not unique, but he is special.
Eric: Incredible. You're gonna knock on the door.
Julia: Yeah, and yell, "Avast Ye!"
Eric: The door, as you knock, it kind of just creaks open, like it's been already— it's already been opened, and the knock just kind of opened it up. And you hear, "Avast Ye" [echo] echoing going down, which is scary.
Julia: It is.
Eric: I don't like it. That's Eric— that's just Eric giving color.
Amanda: You don't like your own word picture?
Brandon: I was gonna say you don't have to scare yourself.
Eric: I just think it's pretty scary.
Amanda: It is.
Eric: That echoes usually go up.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Or out.
Eric: And it going down is scary.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: It is.
Eric: I don't like it. So you can poke your head in, and as you look down, you see that there is a widening spiral staircase that is leading down. And as soon as it turns the corner, you can't see.
Julia: I think Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Avast Ye! Alfons? [echoing] I assume you're down there, but I don't have time to climb all these stairs. Could you please come up? [echo] Well, alright. Then I guess—
Eric (as Alicia): Ho— hold on, let me try. Snicklefrits! [echo]
Julia (as Cammie): Now, what does that word mean?
Eric (as Alicia): Oh, it's just a thing I yell in caves.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. It's kind— sounds fun.
Eric (as Alicia): Yeah, it's— it's an old spelunkers term that actually gives the best ratio of response in an echo. [echo]
Brandon: Does Eric Silver actually do this in real life? Who can say? I don't know.
Eric (as Alicia): Snicklefrits!
Amanda: He should.
Eric: Take me to caves, I'll try it.
Julia: Um, huh. Here's what I'm gonna do.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Scoop out Nonny.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Little kiss, mwah.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia: Prepare an action.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: For a spellcasting action on Nonny.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Reach out, drop Nonny.
Amanda: Smart. That's what you got to do.
Julia: Down the tower.
Eric: Down the tower?
Julia: Down the tower, and I'm going to immediately switch into her eyes. And then the moment that I see the ground, I'm gonna cast swift flight on her.
Eric: But it's not falling. Do you want her to roll down the stairs?
Julia: No, no. I figured since there's a spiral staircase, there's probably, like, a hole in the middle that goes all the way down.
Eric: No, no, no, there's not. That's—
Julia: Oh.
Eric: —what I'm saying, it's like, it's—
Julia: Ah.
Eric: —as soon as you turn the corner, it's like the center of the tower going down.
Julia: No, I'm not gonna roll Nonny down.
Eric: That's why I didn't get the chance— that's why I wanted to explain it.
Brandon: Roll Nonny down! Roll Nonny down!
Eric: That's why I wanted to get a chance to explain it. No, no, no. As soon as you turn the corner, you can't see anything. It's like, imagine a solid center that the spiral staircase revolves around.
Brandon: Almost like a lighthouse staircase kind of thing?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, like a lighthouse. Yeah.
Brandon: Or like a castle staircase, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Okay. I guess I won't just drop Nonny then.
Eric: You can if you want.
Julia: No, no, it's not gonna do anything. I thought this would be faster. No, it's fine. Um—
Eric: No. Yes— you also— and as you look inside, you see that everything is like— it's almost like walking down the stairs to a finished basement. It's like everything's kind of wood-paneled in there, and that's also why the echo sounds so good, because the— bouncing off of the wood instead of just like—
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: —I don't know, medieval stone. It's almost like homey, but it's certainly dark.
Julia: Okay. Can I look around for, like, a bell or something?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, give me a perception check.
[dice roll]
Julia: Okay, that's pretty good. A Dirty 20. 17 plus 3.
Eric: A Dirty 20.
Julia: Dirty. 20.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: There's a velvet rope just hanging on, like, the first step down.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Kind of like— you're at this landing here, as you look out, you see that there's also like a cross stitch on the wall that says— that says Home Sweet Home.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: Amazing.
Brandon: Eric, I don't want to know about you, but it might be a sticky hand actually, instead of a velvet rope.
Eric: No— no, Brandon, it's a velvet rope, but good— good thought, good thought.
Julia: Hmm. Cammie's gonna walk over to it and with her mouth, as she pulls it go—
Julia (as Cammie): Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
Eric: When you pull it and you hear the ding-a-ling-a-ling, you hear something open up behind you. As you turn in the wall, you see something open up below you and you see just hundreds of croquet balls start to pour out of this compartment that opens up, and I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: Oh, my.
Julia: That's so funny. Oh, I rolled really fucking good, though. 19 minus 1 for an 18.
Eric: 18? Incredible. You hold on to the velvet rope —
Amanda: Like, pick up your legs. Yeah.
Eric: You hold on to the velvet rope. Unfortunately, I rolled a 7 minus 1 for 6 for Smelly Haze who goes—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Woaaaaah!
Julia: Did she just fall or is she falling down the stairs?
Eric: She is falling down the stairs and is— she is, like, falling and tripping on the croquet balls as they go [croquet balls falling sound] down all of the stairs and she's continue falling.
Eric (as Alicia): There's no banisters here!
Julia: I'm gonna cast swift flight on her so that she can lift herself over the croquet balls
Eric: What's the distance on that?
Julia: Swift flight bonus act— oh, nope, can't do that because it's touch.
Eric: It's touch? Yeah, I feel like she—
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: If you try to grab her, you can do it, but she is going down the stairs. She is go— rounding the corner.
Julia: Can I nerf ball Nonny after her to do the touch?
Eric: Let's see. Make a dex check for me.
Julia: 7 minus 1 for a 6.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh, no.
Eric: Wooo! Bonk!
Julia: She just whacks against the wall.
Eric: And then you see— you see Nonny slide out the wall.
Julia (as Cammie): Sorry, baby.
Eric (as Alicia): Waaaaah!
Brandon: Absolutely brutal.
Eric: Waaaaah. As it gets fainter, and fainter, and fainter. And Smelly Haze continues to scream, and trip, and scoot, and "whoa" her way down the tower.
Julia: Is there anything behind where all these croquet balls came out of or it was just a trap?
Eric: No, it's just a trap.
Julia: Okay, cool. Cammie sighs, walks over, picks up Nonny from where she splatted against the wall, and slowly descends the stairs being like—
Julia (as Cammie): [sighs] We're not gonna get back in time for Troy's first trial, I don't think.
Eric: Waaaaah! I rolled another 7.
Julia: Great. Incredible.
Eric: As it gets fainter, and fainter, and fainter as Smelly continues to slide down this wizard tower.
Julia: How's it going over there, Eric? I see you rolling some dice.
Eric: Here's the thing about this trap. Every time you trip, you fail, the DC goes up by two. So right now, the DC is 21.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Julia: Can she even roll that?
Eric: No.
Julia: Oh, okay. So she gotta go all the way down. Alright.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Fair enough.
Eric: I tried to roll a Nat 20, I’ve rolled seven times.
Julia: Keep going. Cammie is just still going downstairs.
Julia (as Cammie): Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. These are some long stairs. Wow.
Eric: And Cammie, deep below you, that almost— it's a rumble at your feet, you feel a crash.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, there's the bottom.
Eric: Incredible. Cammie, you're taking your sweet time walking down the stairs and there's a door at the bottom that's been— that's been thrown off of its hinges. And as you look in, you're inside of a, like, old school gymnasium. Wood floors, metal painted red, everything like red and white, and that the old 1950s gold yellow.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And there's like old-timey exercise equipment everywhere. Like, there's a pommel horse.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: And one of those machines that just vibrates your body.
Julia: Yup.
Eric: And some really old like rubber band athletics. And some things are pushed over because there are hundreds and hundreds of croquet balls—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —that are also now in the room. And you see that the body of Smelly Haze is sprawled out on the hardwood floor, just petals everywhere. And her head is the other way around.
Julia: Is she still alive, Eric?
Eric: No!
Julia: No, she's fully dead?
Eric: She's fully dead!
Brandon: Holy shit!
Amanda: Oh, my God.
Julia: Hmm. Well, I don't have any, like, revivification or anything, so—
Brandon: Well—
Julia: —Cammie is going to cry, I guess? I didn't expect my friend to fully die during this trap, but fun DMing.
Amanda: Wow.
[Eric laughs]
Brandon: What a smelly end to a smelly character.
Eric: Dawg, I can't do anything about these dice. I'm sorry. She took a lot of damage.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: I added a D10 every time she tripped.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: That'll do it.
Eric: That'll do it.
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Amanda: Well, sorry, Smelly.
Julia: Hmm. Well, RIP I guess. Ca— Cammie fully weeps, and then looks around to get revenge, I guess? Julia herself is not super emotionally invested in this character. I thought she was fun.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: But Cammie would be fully weeping and probably plotting some revenge.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: The smelly pear tree, you weren't a fan of, Julia?
Julia: I like her. She seems fun.
Eric: For sure.
Julia: She did kidnap Cammie at one point, but—
Amanda: That's what happens.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: You know what, Eric? It's funny, because before the session got started, I was like, "I should check to see if I even have revivify as an option because, like, God forbid something happen to, like, Troy or Threelips and I was like—
Eric: She's right.
Julia: —"No, no, I don't have any Revivify. It probably won't be like a problem, though, so—"
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm, hmm.
Brandon: It's just hilarious to me, Eric, that the first time you've ever killed a character in seven years—
Julia: Yup.
Brandon: —it’s been a smelly pear tree lady.
Eric: Eh, they die sometimes. They die sometimes. Alright, so Cammie, you're— the first person in your new life who was your parental figure is down on the ground next to you.
Amanda: Oh, boy. When you put it that way.
Eric: And— and you're in this old-timey gymnasium, give me a perception check.
Julia: Nat 20.
Eric: Incredible. Nat 20.
Julia: I wish— I would like that for other things, but—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You got a Nat 20.
Julia: Alright, dice.
Eric: You're— as you're in there, you're looking around, through tears, of course, and you see that there is a kind of like an old-timey— I guess what we would understand to be basketball, but, like, there's no backboard. It's kinda just like a net on kind of like a raised platform that's 10 feet up. And you see that there's a basketball-sized ball in that net. And then below that, you're seeing a bunch of different other balls. There's like a golf-sized ball, and there's a tennis-sized ball, and there's like, kind of like a larger medicine ball that's underneath that net as well. And then you also see that there is a double doors on the far side of the room, and there are six round platforms in front of those double doors. They're kind of like— I guess if you've ever seen like, you know, the strongest man competitions, like the Atlas balls, how they're put on pedestals—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —that are made for being— they're circular because you're, like, picking up these big circular stones. They're made to hold, like, circular balls, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So these platforms are made to hold circular balls.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: There's a small one, and a slightly bigger one, and a slightly bigger one, and a slightly bigger one, a slightly bigger one, and a slightly bigger one.
Julia: Cammie goes out like—
Julia (as Cammie): Puzzles are very fun a lot of times, but not when my mentor just got killed by your silly little puzzles. I'm just here to let you know that the big thing that you put together is probably gonna get destroyed. But now, I don't really care if you're stupid island gets destroyed. So I'm gonna leave, but just letting you know. Goodbye.
Julia: Cammie just turns around. Cammie's not doing a fucking puzzle right now. Fuck that. Absolutely fucking not. A puzzle where I gotta lift shit? Absolutely not.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric: You hear a crackle, and you look up, and there's like an old-timey PA system on the wall, and you hear.
Eric (as Alfons): [PA System] Well, if you do the puzzle, maybe I can help you out of this particular situation. 'Cause that's good and I—
Julia (as Cammie): Particular situation being the death of my friend?
Eric (as Alfons): [PA System] I don't want to give hints. I don't want to give hints because that's kind of against the whole point of the puzzle. But if you do it—
Julia (as Cammie): My friend isn't dead anymore?
Eric (as Alfons): No!
Julia (as Cammie): No— no to what?
Eric (as Alfons): No, she won't be dead anymore.
Julia (as Cammie): [sighs] I’ll do your stupid puzzle.
Eric (as Alfons): If you do the puzzle.
Julia (as Cammie): Fine. Fine.
Eric (as Alfons): Use your head.
Julia (as Cammie): I’ll do the stupid puzzle.
Brandon: I didn't think Eric would bring back the puzzle cleric for this campaign, but I'm very excited to see the puzzles, Eric.
Eric: Oh, yeah. Just making people do puzzles.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Alright. Where are these stupid balls? They're up in the—
Eric: There's one in the net.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —and there are three more below it.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: And then there are six platforms.
Julia: One in the net, three below it?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Six platforms?
Eric: Yes. I will say with a Nat 20, the small platform is kind of the same size as the golf-sized ball.
Julia: That would make sense.
Eric: Et cetera.
Amanda: Yes. Julia, I do want to remind you, you have a lot of croquet balls lying all around the body of your mentor.
Julia: Yes. Yes, I do. I'm gonna go ahead and, uh—
Amanda: In case that’s helpful!
Julia: —I'm gonna go ahead and cast Scurry on the balls, so they all scurry into place.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Ooh.
Brandon: Smart.
Eric: I like they made— the idea that they make little legs with, like—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —Nike-- with, like, old Converse sneakers—
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: —and they hustle over?
Julia: I think their little chicken legs, but maybe they also have Converse sneakers on them.
Eric: Oh, they're gonna be chicken legs with Converse sneakers. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah. Sure. We're all here.
Eric: So—
Brandon: Why don't we give chickens Converse sneakers, guys? We should give chickens—
Julia: They don't need them!
Eric: So they run over, they hustle over. The— four out of six of the platforms are filled. There is one a kind of, like, smallish-sized platform that you're missing and there's kind of a medium-sized one. So in order, it would be golf ball-sized ball, and also in my head, these are all like— I don't know if you ever seen, like, the oldest type of soccer ball, but they're kind of just, like, stitched together—
Brandon: Like the leather ones, yeah.
Eric: —with leather, and these are all, like, stitched together with vines and stuff.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So there's like a small one, so there's golf ball, tennis ball, blank, blank, basketball, medicine ball.
Julia: Okay. I'm going to put one of the croquet balls, I guess, in place of— of whichever one it fits in. I guess it would be the third one, instead of the fourth one.
Eric: Yeah, so it'd be the third one, so you're missing this fourth one.
Brandon: Make sure you do two rests in between, Julia.
Julia: Again. I rolled a Nat 20 on perception.
Eric: Oh, what are you looking for?
Julia: Are there any other, like, ball-shaped things in the room, or do I just, like, sit on it?
Eric: There's certainly other ball-shaped things in the room, but no, like, athletic equipment.
Brandon: Oh, that's weird, though. The head of your mentor is perfectly shaped as a key.
Julia: Oh, goddamn it. Cammie stares at the PA System and it's just like looks the most terrifying you've seen Cammie ever, which is saying something for Cammie.
Eric: Make an intimidation check real quick.
Julia: Yeah. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
[dice roll]
Brandon: There's, like, steam literally coming off of you.
Julia: Intimidation is a plus 3, so a 16.
Eric: Wonderful. Okay. Good to know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm scared, I'm afraid.
Julia: Cammie walks over and touches the head of Alicia.
Eric (as Alfons): Okay. You don't have to do that-- in any— it could be any— it can be any head. You already solved the puzzle. It can be anyone, any head.
Julia (as Cammie): You just want me to lay my head down on this hole basically?
Eric (as Alfons): This puzzle is a lot more jocular with someone— with someone's partner isn't dead on the ground.
Julia (as Cammie): My friend is dead!
Eric (as Alfons): I'm— I'm aware, I'm letting— this— I should not even be helping you as much as I am to keep the spirit of this— of this— this puzzle.
Julia: Cammie just lays her head down on the thing, still staring at the PA System.
Eric: And then you hear a trumpet.
[trumpet]
Julia (as Cammie): No, no, turn it off.
Eric: As the doors swing open and we cut back to Small Key Stadium as the light of the noonday sun with the sunflowers are looking all the way up in the sky, catching off of the sea glass, and they're introducing day three.
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): Alright. It is time for distance, the dueling tournament. Troy Riptide, because Kid Cervantes is the first bye, you get to choose who you want to duel first. Who would you— who would you want that to be?
Amanda (as Troy): Threelips, sir. It's gonna be my countrymen.
Eric (as Crowd): Oooohh. Aaaahh. Oooohh. Aaaahh.
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): Are you also from the Crags, Troy Riptide?
Eric: This is the mayor— this is Mayor Moonbeam who's the mas— being the master of ceremonies.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure I am, Crags born, Crags I'll die.
Brandon (as Umbi): Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.
Eric (Crags Crowd): Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): [PA System] It seems that the Crags contingents are— are here. Ah, gentlemen, please step to the center of the dueling arena.
Eric: You see that there is a— there's kind of like a big circle that is etched in the ground for you to step on, with, like, little chalk lines for you to step at.
Amanda: Yup. Troy will walk forward.
Eric: With his back straight, and his gun in the shoulder, Threelips takes his position and be like—
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): [PA System] And so you all know what you're fighting for, here is our prize!
Eric: The mayor takes a glass box that has the cloud key in it—
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: —and puts it in the center of the platform and stands back.
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): Oh, no one knows what this magical artifact can do, but we’ll sure find out when someone wins it.
Eric: And you hear like a little— a little giggle from the crowd.
Julia: Weird. Okay.
Eric: And like—
Eric (as Mayor Moonbeam): [PA System] Alright, let's get the duel going.
Eric: And then you— Troy, you feel [platform creaks as it arises] as the platform starts to rise.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Woah.
Eric: And you— and now, you are 30, 40, 50 feet in the air.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Even with the tops, with the crown of Small Key Island. Troy, you also look down at your feet and you see that there's a microphone. And Threelips reaches down and grabs his microphone and be like—
Eric (as Threelips): [PA System] I just want to say that this is incredibly important for me.
Eric: And as we cut back to Cammie, the double doors swing open, and you see a stout man, fully leafed, much like Piney before, but instead, these are laurel leaves that are braided together. This man is stout, not like Cresco who's literally a square, but almost feels as— as wide as he is tall, with his chest puffed out and a laurel crown upon his head. You also see he's floating three inches above the ground. And Threelips says—
Eric (as Threelips): [PA System] I'm glad that Troy Riptide decided to call— to call me out. However, I'm unable to continue.
Eric: And Cammie the— this Laurel man steps in front of you and says—
Eric (as Laurelis): Well, I know I helped you out a lot, but it's kind of against the spirit of competition.
Julia: Oh, fuck you.
Eric: And Threelips says—
Eric (as Threelips): [PA System] It is against the laws of all the countries in Verda Stello for me to fire a member of the royal family.
Julia: Oh, fuck.
[theme]
KM Transcripts