20. Legends of the Bullseye Games VIII

- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.

- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman

- Multitude: multitude.productions

About Us

Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.

Transcript

Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!

[theme]

Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.

Eric: Threelips forfeits the duel against Troy, saying he can't strike royalty. Troy chases down Threelips once they get down from the dueling arena, but the delegation from the Crags is whisking Threelips away. Troy demands the safe passage of his best friend but is refused since, one, he has no power and two, every one of the Crags thought he was dead, including the king, his brother. In the upside-down volcano, Cammie tries to convince the spirit of competition aka Laurelus, to stop the sea monster about to break through the stadium's arcane barrier. Laurelus is reluctant to meddle in the competition while the games are going since that's kind of his whole thing. But he musters what middling powers he has, reviving Smelly Haze from falling down the stairs and dying, and giving Cammie a pair of Corsair Jorbans, so she can dunk better. Back in the stadium, Umbi goes looking for Orello since he hasn't seen him since he was sent to check out Radbert's boat. Down on the docks, it seems like the boat is weirdly empty except for a heavily locked hold. Umbi figures out the lock's combo, revealing a tied up Orello and a really nasty smell. As Umbi's untying Orello, he feels the pressure of the butt of Radbert's gun. I don't have a good line. Let's just see what happens next. Let's get the party started.

Eric (as Radbert): Heh. I don't know what you're doing down here. It's probably best if you stayed down here for a while.

Eric: What's your AC?

Brandon: 13.

Eric: Okay. So I hit that. [dice roll] Please take 23 points of damage as—

Julia: Jesus Christ.

Eric: — Radbert fires his massive hand cannon directly into the back of your head. As you tumble down the stairs and fall down into the hold right next to a hogtied Orello.

Julia: I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. And I was like, "You know what, Julia? It's fine, it's fine."

Amanda: It wasn't fine.

Julia: That's why I wanted to send someone with Orello, and everyone's like, "This is what he does. It's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it."

Eric: I think I said that.

Amanda: That is what I said.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: No, I said that, too.

Brandon: I mean, the other person would have just been taken as well, so—

Julia: No. Not necessarily. Like if Orello was the distraction and you saw what happened to him, then—

Brandon: Hmm.

Julia: —you know, we could have handled it. It's on me. I want to do the— the side quest so badly.

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] In the semifinal round of the Bullseye duels, we have Troy Riptide going up against Archimedes Sevens.

Julia (as Crowd): Wooo!

Eric: Troy, you're back up there against the wide-winged and deeply serious Archimedes Sevens.

Amanda: So he won his round?

Eric: He won his round.

Julia: Who'd he beat?

Eric: Radbert.

Julia: Ohh.

Brandon: Of course, he won this round. He's Archimedes. Come on.

Amanda: I'm glad. Good.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Wait, what am I missing? How was Radbert in the stadium and shooting me in the back of the head?

Eric: Oh, it took a long time. It took a long time, it's now round two and it’s getting set up.

Brandon: Okay, okay.

Eric: So it's like Radbert lost, and then it was like—

Eric (as Radbert): Alright, bye.

Eric: And then left.

Julia: Does that mean Radbert's got damage?

Eric: Who can say?

Amanda: Who can say?

Julia: Okay.

Amanda: Alright.

Julia: Alright.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ha! Nothing is going to stand in my way to become the future Builder of the Hothouse, not even you, Prince Troy, secret prince.

Julia: For someone so serious, he's so bad at talking.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I'm still the Troy that you had a beer with.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I'm—

Amanda (as Troy): Draw your weapon, it’s fine.. Alright. God, it's been a day. Is that right, everybody? Has it been a day?

Eric (as Crowd): Yeah, it's been a day! It’s been crazy!

Julia (as Cammie): Wooo! Go Troy!

Amanda (as Troy): Gettin’ it back, gettin’ it back.

Brandon (as Crowd): It's 1:30.

Amanda (as Troy): You can recover, Riptide. You can recover.

Eric: Alright, I want everyone to roll Initiative, that includes you, Cammie.

Amanda: Ohh.

Julia: Alright, alright.

Brandon: Roll initiative?

Eric: Yeah, let's roll Initiative.

Julia: Nat20, let's fucking go.

Eric: Woah!

Brandon: Is this the first time we're rolling Initiative this entire game so far?

Eric: Probably.

Amanda: I have advantage on initiative. Yeah, it is.

Eric: Oh, hell yeah.

Amanda: [dice roll] Whoa, I rolled a 7 twice. That's crazy.

Julia: Hey, 1 in 400 chance.

Amanda: 9 for me.

Brandon: Your boy got an 8.

Eric: Alright. Wonderful. Cammie, you are hustling back to the stadium. How do you want to get there faster? You just want to run? What do you go— you have an idea?

Julia: Hmm. How do I want to get there faster? Eric, what if I did a thing where like I, on the way down the mountain, I saw like, I don’t know, like a piece of wood. I'm thinking I want to do some fucking like surfboard, surf down the mountain shit.

Eric: Sure. How— explain to me how.

Julia: So you played Breath of the Wild?

Eric: Sure.

Julia: Sometimes you just find like a piece of wood that you could use as a shield, but also surf down a hill with.

Eric: Sure. Give me an Arcana Check and expel a spell slot.

Julia: I'll do a second-level spell, I guess.

Eric: Okay, I'm thinking if you're going to do a second level spell, we'd make at least a 15 of Arcana.

Julia: Well, I rolled a 17 plus whatever the fuck my Arcana is, so—

Eric: Okay, cool. What is this— what does this look like?

Julia: Cammie just like-- Oh, I think Nonny with her little tentacle, like scoops up a piece of wood that is like perfect skateboard size.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: And just throws it down in front of Cammie, and Cammie goes—

Julia (as Cammie): Surfs up, my guys.

Eric: I love it, just like— there's just like steam.

Julia: Yeah. Like it kind of looks like magical tea is being poured like in a— like, have you ever seen, like, on cruise ships, they have those, like, contained surfing things?

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia: It looks like that, but it's like spectral tea.

Eric: Right. There's just like a— a path being poured for you as you're—you—

Amanda: Cute.

Eric: —you're heading down. And Smelly Haze is clinging to your waist, being like—

Eric (as Smelly Haze): Oh, I can't hang te— I'm still not sure how to hang ten.

Julia (as Cammie): You just put your two feet down, that's hanging ten.

Eric: Incredible. Alright. Back to the duel. This is Archimedes' turn. Archimedes sets up his magical sniper rifle and he fires on Troy. That is a 14, does that hit?

Amanda: It does.

Eric: Alright.

Julia: You're gonna be okay, Troy.

Eric: Archimedes sets up his sniper rifle and fires three laser— quick laser shots at you, one hits you firmly in the chest as the other two fly backwards that hit people in the crowd, but they're— they're stoked on it.

Julia: They're stoked on it.

Brandon: Like, getting hit with a fly ball on top of the head.

Eric: Exactly. Alright, 8 points of damage.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): [PA System] Ha! That fir— all three of those were just a warning shot. The first one was a warning of what I can do, and the other two was a warning to everyone to get out of the way.

Amanda (as Troy): Okay.

Amanda: And Troy reaches for an arrow, knocks it, fires on Archimedes.

Eric: It's not your turn in the Initiative, unfortunately.

Julia: Oh, shit.

Eric: Back in the smelly hold of Radbert's ship, he goes—

Eric (as Radbert): Huh. So, when did you figure it out?

Brandon (as Umbi): Radbert, this place smells like shit. What did you do?

Eric (as Radbert): You still have no idea. Why do— I can't— fine. I'll just— I'm so— I was waiting for someone to figure it out, but not someone who didn't know anything.

Julia: It's driving me crazy.

Eric (as Radbert): That's fine. That's fine. It's only a matter of time.

Eric: Radbert's armor then clatters to the ground, and you see that the dandelions' spores kind of just go and blow all over the cargo hold down here.

Brandon (as Umbi): Why are you nude now? What are you doing?

Eric: And then all around the room, you hear—

Eric (as Radbert): We're not nude. We've never been nude. That's not how any of this works.

Eric: It is now Troy's turn.

Amanda: Great. Troy is going to knock two arrows and fire both at the same time.

Eric: Troy, this is 200 feet away, do you have disadvantage?

Amanda: I would normally, but I can use a risk die to double the normal length. So, I'm going to use a risk die, and use steady aim to double the normal and maximum range for my next turn.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: And that means that my close range is now 200 feet.

Eric: Alright, fire away.

Julia: Get ‘em.

Amanda: Alright. Damn. Alright. A 9 and a 13. Do either hit?

Eric: Neither of those hit.

Amanda: Yeah, I think both shots go completely wide. And Troy looks at his bow and then looks up at Archimedes and is genuinely really embarrassed.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Huh. It seems like the prince that wasn't promised, wasn't promising anything.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Am I— am I right, fellas?

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Amanda (as Troy): No, not the crowd, I love them.

Julia: Booo!

Eric: Booo!

Brandon: What?

Amanda: Troy wants to look around, does he see Umbi or Cammie there?

Eric: Uh, make a Perception Check.

Julia: You, like, look off into the distance and you see Cammie surfing down a mountain.

Amanda: 8.

Eric: No. No, you don't see anything. You're— you're up too high. You can't see the crowd from here.

Amanda: Hmm.

Eric: It's just the crowd and the lights that are now— it's now getting a little bit on the stage, because it's much later in the day.

Amanda: Hmm.

Eric: So it's like the— the stage is being lit up, there's sun in your eyes. You just can't see anything.

Amanda: Troy is sweating, yeah.

Eric: Umbi, it's your turn.

Amanda (as Troy): Is this guilt?

Brandon: Am I tied up or anything, or I just get hit?

Eric: No, you just got hit, and you fell down the stairs.

Brandon: Okay, tight.

Amanda: Normal.

Brandon: Yeah, normal shit. Yeah, then, I'm just gonna throw a flashbang.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: That means that as a bonus action, I can throw one of these explosives at my feet, disorienting and distracting nearby foes. Each large or smaller creature within five feet of me can't take reactions until the start of its next turn.

Eric: Hell yeah.

Brandon: So I turn to Radbert and I'm like—

Eric: Around— all around the room?

Brandon: Yeah, I just turn in circles.

Eric: You're turning in circles and you're—

Amanda: Pirouetting.

Eric: —turning around the room, yeah.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Brandon: I'm like—

Brandon (as Umbi): "What— do— like— you think you're cool? Like, what— what—this is so boring.

Brandon: And I flashbang.

Eric (as Radbert): Cool is such a— is only an idea that mortals care about. We spend so much time figuring out whether or not what we're doing is good for other hu— for other Greenfolk. Ugh. God. Once everyone here is freed from that mortal coral— coil, alright, huh, it's gonna be so much easier for everyone.

Brandon (as Umbi): Sure. Whatever, man.

Brandon: And I flashbang, and then I'm gonna run up the stairs.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: I'm grabbing Orello on the way as well.

Eric: Orello, he's a— he's a chunky lad. I'm gonna need you to make Athletics Check for me, old man.

Brandon: Okay.

Amanda: Old man strength.

Amanda and Julia: Old man strength, old man strength.

Brandon: 14.

Eric: Let me roll for how heavy Orello is, because you're right on the ed— you're right— right on the edge there.

Amanda: Seems promising…

Eric: Okay. I would say with a 14 you can get Orello up— Orello on your shoulder. However, I would say that this is going to have your speed. So you can get out of the room, but you're still like in the doorway/hallway with the smoke coming in.

Brandon: Cool, tight. And then because that's all bonus action and free actions--

Eric: I would say picking up Orello is an action.

Brandon: Hmm. You're probably right, but is it?

Eric: Yeah, he's like— I think that getting him in— because you got to pick him up.

Brandon: Yeah, you're right, Eric, but, like, is it?

Eric: Yes, yes, Brandon, it is.

Amanda: You're right, but, like, could you choose to be wrong right now?

Eric: Unfortunately, it is.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: It's fine. I know what you want—

Amanda: There's progress, yeah.

Eric: I know what you want to do, but we're gonna come back around.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Alright. We're coming back. Cammie, you are now in the town, riding on your— riding on your surfboard. You want to do anything else?

Julia: Weee! Oh. Ooh.

Eric: You can do perception, you can try to, like, put some stuff together. If you have a question, you can make a check for it. You want to try to go faster, you can try to hit, like, a cool ramp if you want. Anything is up for grabs.

Julia: I am going to use a third-level spell.

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Julia: And I'm going to cast Sending—

Eric: Okay.

Julia: —to Umbi.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Being like—

Julia (as Cammie): [On radio] Hey, I'm really concerned about this giant crab. I'm gonna be down over there to see if I can do anything about the magic so it doesn't kill everyone in the stadium. What are you up to?

Eric: Umbi dings in your head like you got new email.

Brandon: I'm like–

Brandon (as Umbi): What the fuck?

Amanda: Orello draped around your shoulders.

Eric: Yeah, is there another ac-- Can he respond?

Julia: Oh, yeah, Sending allows a response.

Eric: On the same action?

Julia: Short message, 25 words or less, creature hears the message in its mind, recognizes you as a sender it knows, and can answer in a like manner immediately.

Eric: Immediately? So, yeah, Umbi, you can respond with 25 words.

Brandon (as Umbi): [On radio] Oh, you know, just kicking a little asshole's ass real fast.

Eric: That's 11 words.

Brandon (as Umbi): [On radio] Don't worry about me—

Julia: What?

Eric: 15.

Brandon (as Umbi): [On radio] —or Orello, I got it.

Eric: 20 words, ding, ding, ding.

Amanda: Nice.

Eric: And then you get an email. Back to you, Brandon.

Julia: Brandon, really?

Brandon: What?

Julia: You didn't give— you didn't tell me where you are. You didn't tell me--

Eric: Alright. So we're back to the duel. Archimedes and Troy.

Julia: Jesus fucking Christ. I tried to give you an out, so that I could come help you. I used a third level spell for that!

Brandon: No, you need to go back to the stadium.

Eric: Archime—

Brandon: Troy needs help!

Eric: Archimedes and Troy! We're both rerolling for Initiative— we're both rerolling for Initiative, because that's how the duel works, okay?

Amanda: Oh, okay.

Eric: Yeah. [dice roll]

Julia: A third-level spell for you—

Amanda: Alright.

Julia: —to tell me, "I'm fine, don't worry about me." When you just took—

Brandon: I'm fine.

Julia: You took 23 points of damage in the last round.

Brandon: Yeah, I'm still fine, Julia.

Eric: Alright, what do you get?

Amanda: I got 12 plus 2,14.

Julia: I don't—

Eric: 14?

Julia: Hold on. I don't want to hear any shit if you go down and he's like, "Oh, well, no one tried to heal me this time." I'm just saying that right now, buddy.

Eric: I got a 15, we're gonna keep—

Amanda: Fuck!

Eric: —we're gonna keep the— where we at. You hear a booming over the PA System—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): [PA System] Move forward 10 paces.

Eric: And you are out of— you're out of long-distance range.

Amanda: Great.

Eric: Okay.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Huh! Now, I have an even better shot.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright, buddy.

Brandon: It feels like cheating to, like, use a sniper on a duel.

Julia: That's his gun.

Eric: And then he shoots three quick shots, all that land about 10 feet in front of you, Troy.

Amanda (as Troy): Ohh, I see.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, no, it seems that I've missed. Nuts!

Julia: That seems disingenuous.

Amanda: Yeah. Can I roll Perception, is he trying?

Eric: Absolutely. Please— please roll a Perception.

Amanda: Ooh, nice. 18 flat.

Eric: You notice that the shots of this laser sniper, the other one— the ones are usually like a Star Wars laser green. These were like a pink red, and you got an 18?

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: And it seems to be shot 10 paces in front of you exactly where you're gonna stand next round.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Oh, interesting.

Amanda: Interesting.

Eric: Alright, it is now Radbert's turn.

Eric (as Radbert): That's fine. You want to— you— escape, you've— there's nowhere to go.

Brandon (as Umbi): So I'm too far away, I can't hear you. I don't— and I also don't care about what you're saying.

Eric: No, you can hear— there's— it's just booming from the other room.

Eric (as Radbert): Fine, if that's what you want, then you can— then you can leave, but there's nowhere to go. Audrey the Rotten Queen will find you wherever you go.

Brandon: Julia.

Julia: So validated! WAH!

Eric: Umbi, I think you're standing at the door, kind of in the door jam.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: You see that a bunch of dandelion seeds collect, it slammed the door shut, keeping you out of the hold.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Yeah. Make a Perception Check with me, remember it’s with disadvantage.

Julia: This is so fucked. This is so fucked.

Brandon: 8.

Eric: Great.

Julia: Say it with confidence, Brandon.

Eric: It smells. Troy, it's your turn.

Amanda: Great. Yup, Troy's gonna fire at Archie.

Eric: Alright, give me those shots.

Amanda: Come on, Amanda. Let's go, Amanda.

Brandon: Come on, Amanda, you roll the dice good.

Amanda: One Nat 20.

Julia: Fuck yes.

Amanda: And one 7.

Julia: Fuck yes. Destroy this man.

Eric: Remember you mi— you missed, you can have that other one bounce back with Ricochet.

Amanda: I will. So, let's say that— I actually am firing both of them at the gun, and so I think one, like, pings off the metal siding of the gun.

Eric: Yeah. It just bounced— try to bounce up into his face. Yeah.

Amanda: Uh-huh. Alright. Nope, that's worse— it's a 7.

Eric: No, the other one, it flies in the air. But you do get that— you do get that Nat20.

Amanda: Yep. Alright. I'm gonna roll damage. [dice roll]

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Julia: [whispered] Destroy him. Kill him.

Amanda: It's a 7 plus 2 for a 9.

Eric: Alright. Well, that's 7 on the die times 2 because it's Nat 20, 14 plus your decks is 2.

Amanda: Yep.

Eric: Alright, that's 16 damage. Ouch. Ouchy.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: That's a hurtful thing to do. He has a very, like, ornate armor on that's the— almost like steampunk-ish almost. It's like, "I made this myself." And, of course, you nail him right in between two pieces of the armor that come between.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ahhh!

Brandon: Should have had it made professionally.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): My only weak spot where the armor doesn't come together.

Eric: Alright. Umbi, It's your turn.

Brandon: Okay. Is Orello awake?

Eric: He is.

Eric (as Orello): [Muffled sound]

Brandon: Does he have a towel in his mouth or something?

Eric: Yes, he does.

Brandon: Well, I'm gonna pull the towel out of his mouth.

Eric (as Orello): Oh, thank you.

Brandon (as Umbi): Can you walk?

Eric (as Orello): Do I have to?

Brandon (as Umbi): Goddamnit, Orello. Yes.

Eric (as Orello): No, I can't. He broke them.

Brandon (as Umbi): Broke what?

Julia: My leg!

Eric (as Orello): My getaway sticks. Could you tell me— they had very—they had very funny angles.

Amanda: Deletes the word legs from my vocabulary, replaces it with getaway sticks.

Brandon (as Umbi): Goddamnit, Orello. If we get out of this, and if— and it turns out that you didn't break your legs, and you just wanted me to carry you, I'm gonna kill you myself, you realize, right?

Eric (as Orello): You could just lea— I'm not— I know most of the time I'm a fanciful— I'm a fanciful japester but really you can see they're in inappropriate angles.

Brandon (as Umbi): Fine.

Brandon: And I'm gonna throw down another flashbang.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: And continue to leave the ship. Can I dash with someone on me?

Eric: Yeah, you can dash with someone on you. You can make it— you can get out.

Brandon: Okay. Then, yeah, I'll— I'll dash.

Eric: Cool, cool. You get out of the smoke, you're back up on deck. So there is no more smoke pouring in, or at least you can see the smoke is, like, following you out of the hallway. I will ask for some saves to try to get the nasty smoke out of your lungs to see if you're still disoriented, but you're— you're more so in the clear for sure.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Cool. Alright, you're out— yeah, you're back on deck. You also see that there is a platoon of Cragish guards leading Threelips over to an official-looking Royal ship. It is— from what you saw from the debris, from all the way back in the beginning of the arc, this is the Mark III of these ships.

Brandon: Tight. Can I use a Free Action to yell over there?

Eric: Always.

Brandon (as Umbi): Uh, help, we need a— we need medical attention over here. Please!

Eric (as Marcus): Who— who's asking?

Brandon: Can I use my ‘I think I know you’ on this guard, Eric?

Eric: Yeah, absolutely.

Amanda: It's Marcus.

Brandon: Oh, come on, let's see. Let's see, baby.

Julia: I— I love it, but you could also say that you're just friends of Prince Troy Breakstone.

Brandon: I know. I know, but this is fun, Julia.

Julia: Okay. Alright.

Amanda: You might also have your feelings about it. I— I get it.

Julia: Eh, I don’t know.

Brandon: No whammy, no whammy, no whammy. I think that was a 3, so no.

Eric: Okay. No.

Brandon: Cool. Then, yeah, I'm just gonna use another Free Action to say—

Brandon (as Umbi): This is Orello, I'm Umbi. We're friends with Threelips and Troy. Can we use some help, please?

Eric (as Marcus): Threelips, have you seen this wrinkly old fruit before?

Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, I have. He's friends with— he's friends with Troy.

Eric: Oh, no, I rolled a 5.

Eric (as Marcus): Unfortunately, sir, we're on official—we're on official royal business, we do not have—

Brandon (as Umbi): I'm a goddamn Senator of Overstalk! If you don't help me, I'm going to literally invade your country. Help.

Eric (as Marcus): That's— that's not— Senator, sir, that's not how diplomatic relationships work.

Brandon: I— I don't know. I don't buy this. I don't think the guards would not want to help someone and/or would not respect a Senator from another country.

Eric: Okay. Okay, make— make an Intimidation Check, then.

Brandon: Okay. Can I use Persuasion instead?

Eric: Ah, yeah, probably Persuasion. You can use Persuasion.

Brandon: Okay.

Julia: I don't know how I'd feel if someone yelled at me that if I didn't help them, they were gonna invade my country.

Eric: I don't like it, I don't love it.

Brandon: That's called politics, Julia.

Julia: Hmm, interesting.

Brandon: Yeah, that's a 19 total.

Eric (as Marcus): Oh, Senator, we do need to leave shortly. Uh…

Brandon (as Umbi): That's fine. I'll let you— just get us off this boat real quick, please.

Brandon: So, I'm out of movement. So, I want them to come over and help me— not only carry Orello, but get me off this boat, and out of danger.

Eric: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Eric (as Marcus): Alright. We'll— we'll bring you over to the medical tent, but as soon as that happens, we do— we have to leave. We can only take you as far as we can.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's fine. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Eric: Alright. On your turn, the guards are now going last in the initiative. The Cragish guards come over and lift up Orello from you.

Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.

Eric: Yeah. Cool.

Brandon (as Umbi): If you drop him a few times, that's fine.

Brandon (as Orello): No, not my— not my getaway sticks. Please, be gentle.

[theme]

Amanda: Hello, it's Amanda. I am busy in Dublin right now after our Manchester jaunt to visit Jasper and what was no doubt a highly successful live show. Visiting the Guinness factory and eventually, reluctantly flying home. So, I will thank our newest patrons next time. But in the meantime, Julia and Brandon have been holding it down with a new party planning. That is, of course, the additional bi-weekly podcast you can enjoy from team Join the Party if you're a patron at any level. We answer questions, play games, and peel back the curtain on the making of JTP. We have so much fun making party-planning episodes. I watch all the ones that I'm not on, because I find them so fun, and it's available for all of our patrons. So join us today for just $5 a month or more. Or, hey, if your income is inconsistent or you want to get yourself a gift, you can also sign up for a whole year of support upfront. That's right. You get a pretty hefty discount on a year of supporting Join the Party with one payment. It is helpful for us, it's helpful for you, and it's all available at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, the show that I think I described to people and see their eyes light up most often is Pale Blue Pod. This is, of course, an astronomy podcast for people who are overwhelmed by the universe, and yet still want to be its friend. Astrophysicist Dr. Moiya McTier, who was consulted by the way, Eric talked with her in creating Verda Stello, and her friend comedian Corinne Caputo who's become a friend to all of us. She's so funny, and so smart, and so nice. Demystify space one topic at a time. If you think about space and you feel overwhelmed, and you're like, "Wow, a lot is up there, and it's so big, and— Oh, my God," then you can kind of begin to shift those feelings from overwhelmed to awe, and make the universe feel like your friend. Sound Designer Mischa Stanton does an incredible job with editing and sound design the episodes. Each of them takes place from a cozy location, so you can feel blanketed by a— a warm knit blanket and a cup of hot cocoa as you ponder things like black holes. Seriously, it's incredible, and you should enjoy new episodes of Pale Blue Pod every Monday. Look for Pale Blue Pod right now in your podcast app, or go to palebluepod.space. We are sponsored this week by Elderwood Academy. This is a fabulous group of artists who hand-make immersive and custom D&D accessories just for you. They are best known for their hex chest dice boxes and their spell book gaming box family. But they've been making all kinds of creative and artistic gaming accessories since 2014. Now, they were kind enough to send us some samples and I got an absolutely beautiful dice mat that I can roll on with the Pisces symbol on it, which I thought was really suitable for this campaign. And Brandon and Julia both got different kinds of wonderful. Like. spellbook gaming boxes. So, it's absolutely stunning. Honestly, they're so beautiful. They have foil press leather and hardwood forge together to make a beautiful dice box that looks like a hardback book. I'm honestly stunned at how beautiful they are. And they're also here to support the community of gamers more broadly. They want you to be happy in your gaming life, and support their items for life. They are so easy to work with, really customizable, they make beautiful dice, accessories, all kinds of stuff. You really want to check them out. So go to elderwoodacademy.com, where they've been kind enough to extend a 10% discount to Join the Party listeners using code Join the Party. That's elderwoodacademy.com and use code Join the Party for 10% off your order. Finally, the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. And often in life, it's inevitable, you will have a tough choice in front of you, where you are not really sure which path to take forward. If either of those choices is a good one, if putting it off will make the choice easier, or if it'll just make things harder at the end of the day. And I know for me, I am often wracked by indecision where, gosh, I'm so worried about making the wrong choice that I don't make any choice at all, which is often the worst-case scenario. And I'm so worried about doing something wrong, or harming somebody else, or putting myself in a position that's less good, that I just kind of, like, avoid it altogether. And I am really grateful that I get to talk through those kinds of dilemmas with my therapist. And now, I've been in therapy for many years since I was, like, probably 21, so a good 10 years now. But before that, I was so overwhelmed by the thought of finding a therapist, like how do you do it? What do you talk about? Is it like the movies where you have to lay on a couch? Like, what— what does this involve? And if you want an easier way to get into therapy, BetterHelp can be a really useful first step. It is entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist right there on your phone or the website. And you can switch therapists at any time if you don't vibe for any reason at all, for no additional charge. Seriously, if you want to start therapy and you're not sure how to begin, give BetterHelp a try. And let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/join theparty. And now, let's get back to the show.

[theme]

Eric: Alright. We're all the way back. Cammie, it's your turn.

Julia: Um, question for you Amanda. Do you want help in the stadium or should I go underneath?

Amanda: I'm chillin'. Yeah, I'm chillin'.

Julia: You're chillin'? You don't need help? You're good?

Amanda: Nah, I got plenty of HP.

Julia: Okay. Fair enough. Just be careful of those things. Alright. So, I think Cammie is going to make her way down to the under part of the stadium where she did her nerdy Hoover Dam Tour.

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Julia: Because that's what— she doesn't know what's going on, and that's her priority.

Eric: Yeah, for sure.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Julia: That's also where all the boats are, though, right?

Eric: Yeah, yeah. For sure.

Julia: Like, I would see what's going on with Umbi.

Eric: Oh, yeah, you can see— so the stairs are on the other side of the stadium, right? So you can run down, I think that with all the speed, you still have your actions and stuff. You hustled down those stairs that you took on one side of the stadium and then across this channel is— is Umbi and Orello, and these Cragish guards are all clustered together on Radbert's boat.

Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, what happened? I thought you said you were all good.

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Julia: (as Cammie): I thought you said you were all good.

Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, I'm fine.

Julia (as Cammie): You look not fine, but okay.

Brandon (as Umbi): No, I'm fine. Orello might be hurt, I don't know.

Eric: Umbi turns around and there's a big part of the back of his head that's sheared off.

Julia (as Cammie): So what happened?

Brandon: Guys, to be clear, I'm not, like, dying. I still have 15 health point— hit points.

Eric: I still think it's pretty funny you got shot in the back of the head. That's more of what I— what I wanted to say.

Brandon: Okay, cool.

Amanda: It smells strongly of green peppers.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Cammie, you're standing, now— now that you're back in the same spot, you see that there is a— that dark spot under the water is still there, slamming itself against the magical shield, and make an Arcana Check.

Julia: [dice roll] My Arcana is 4, so that is a 23.

Eric: 23.

Julia: Hmm. Pretty good.

Eric: This thing looks like it's about to fall apart. It is on its last legs. You can see cracks in the arcane shield that no one else can. Like, looking at— it's like looking at ley lines.

Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. I'm trying to figure out what I could possibly fucking do.

Brandon: I know, that's the thing. I— I'm gonna probably come help you, but I don't know what to do.

Eric: If you have a question, you can also roll again to see what's up.

Julia: Yeah. I mean, like, I know that Laurelus gave me advice that said I can't play defense until the offense happens, right?

Eric (as Laurelus): But—

Eric: And as you hear reverberating through your head.

Eric (as Laurelus): But if you're on offense, you can make the first move.

Eric: There are certainly questions you can ask me also that might give you more information.

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Eric: I'll give you one more check here before you make an action.

Julia: Yeah, I— hmm.

Eric: And also if you're thinking something out, I can tell you what you already know.

Julia: I mean, like, from that advice, I am considering breaking the shield myself.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: And then doing something. And I'm still trying to figure out what— well, if I break the shield already—

Eric: Hmm.

Julia: —will that push Laurelus to come and fix it?

Eric: Laurelus truly is low power, because no one prays to him. What he was trying to tell you without saying it because he's an a— an embarrassed spirit, is that he set up the stadium years ago. Remember, 40 years ago? And people from— how Verda Stello works and people would pray, he only has so much power. So, although he believes in the fatalism of the world, he can't fix it.

Julia: Okay. So, he just doesn't have the ability to cast that spell again, even if he can't fix the spell that is currently being broken.

Eric: Correct.

Julia: He doesn't have the ability to cast it again, either.

Eric: And also, he's not with you. Like, he decided to stay in the tower for— what if— all those reasons as well.

Julia: Uh-hmm. The Jorbans, how can I use the Jorbans to solve this problem? I feel like I'm fucking missing something. This is my problem, where I—

Amanda: I don't think you're missing something. I think you could also attack the creature.

Julia: Yeah. I could do that. Hmm, I could break it and then disorient it.

Amanda: I don't think you have to break the shield, because, like, people can still leave. My assumption is that you can fire out, it just can't get in.

Julia: Is that true? I could fire out, but it can't get in?

Amanda: I assume so.

Eric: Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia: I am going to cast the Hex Disorient, which is— as an action, choose one creature you can see within 60 feet to make a Con Saving Throw.

Eric: Sure, I'll do that.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: [dice roll] I got a 11.

Julia: That doesn't pass.

Eric: Alright.

Julia: So on a failed save, whenever this creature makes an attack roll before the end of your next turn, it must roll a D6 and subtract that number rolled from the attack roll.

Eric: Okay. Sounds good.

Julia: Great.

Eric: Good to know. What does that look like?

Julia: Well, that one's a Hex, so Cammie, I think, looks around, looks down at this creature, and just kind of nervously giggles like—

Julia (as Cammie): [creepy, echoing giggle]

Julia: And that radiates down and, like, through the water, this creature hears it, and becomes disoriented.

Eric: I like it. That's cool.

Amanda: I'm picturing the sound waves, like, rippling through the waters.

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Julia: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Cool. It is now Archimedes' turn, so Troy and Archimedes please roll Initiative as y'all will walk 10 paces forward, and Troy you're now standing where those red lasers were shot, and it's squishy underneath your feet.

Amanda: Okay, that's a 13.

Eric: I got a 17. Sorry.

Amanda: Fuck me.

Eric: Archimedes again. Archimedes says—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Huh! You've stumbled right into my trap.

Brandon: It's time to du—du—du—du—du—duel.

Eric: Oh, I forgot to say that. No, shit.

Brandon: You activated my trap card.

Eric: What's your AC?

Amanda: 13.

Eric: I got a Nat20, a 21, and a 15, so that hits.

Amanda: Well, Eric, I would love to use a risk die to employ skin of my teeth, when an attacker you can see makes an attack roll against me, I can expend a risk die as a reaction to dodge out of harm's way at the last second.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: Ooh, shit.

Amanda: And so I add the risk die to my AC against this attack, potentially causing it to miss.

Eric: Alright.

Amanda: So, it's normally a 13, and I'm going to add 7 for a 20.

Eric: Ohh.

Brandon: Whoa.

Julia: Amazing.

Eric: That's awesome.

Julia: Amanda, that's so good.

Eric: One, then misses. How do you do this in a way— I want you to make a Performance check—

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: —because I would say it's bad form to try to dodge in a duel. So—

Amanda: I think you're right, and I think it was simply an instinct, and he just did it without thinking.

Brandon: I mean, I think it's bad for him to place landmines on a duel, so I don't know.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: I agree.

Amanda: Alright. That's an 11.

Eric: Hey, the crowd wasn't really in your— in your corner in the first place, so I think it's alright.

Amanda: So seeing that his feet landed exactly on the, like, smoldering laser spots where they landed the last round, Troy, like, looks down at his feet, looks up at the laser. And for the first time in his life, he, like, flinches away, and just instinctively rolls to the edge of the column. And I think as he realizes what he's doing, and he doesn't want to appear cowardly, he lands, like, on one hip with his— one of his arms behind his head and one knee up doing a little, like, cover model pose, to try—

Brandon: Incredible.

Amanda: —to try to dial it back.

Julia: Tranquilo!

Eric: You hear over the— over the PA system.

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): Your Highness, please go back to your dueling spot. Your du—du— dueling spot.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, we're not allowed to get points for style? Alright.

Amanda: And then hops back up.

Brandon (as Crowd): Yeah, that was hot. Let him do his thing.

Eric: And I think at that moment, Archimedes waits for you to get back to your spot, and then immediately shoots you right in the chest, for my Nat 20, and then shoots at your feet. Make a Dexterity Saving Throw for me.

Amanda: So 14 plus 5 for a 19.

Julia: Nice.

Eric: Incredible. As you step down and you see fire burst below you as whatever— whatever was shot in the ground ignites, but you were able to jump out of the way before getting fully lit on fire, but you still are going to take the damage.

Amanda (as Troy): So, that's sporting? That's allowed? That's cool?

Julia: Yeah, what does fucking Laurelus have to say about that shit?

Eric: You take 20 points of laser damage and 6 points of fire damage.

Julia: Laser damage!

Amanda: Alright. Down to 6 HP.

Eric: Yes.

Brandon: Yikes.

Eric: Okay, it's Radbert's turn, probably does something. Troy, go ahead.

Amanda: Alright. Doing another risk die, we're down to two, and I'm using my second to last one to do Bite the Bullet. As a bonus action on my turn, I can expend a risk die to gain temporary hit points equal to the number of rolls in the die plus Con.

Eric: Nice.

Amanda: Alright. So I gained 6 hit points, so I've got 12 now.

Eric: Good. Troy, you get an extra plus 2 to your shots because you're closer.

Amanda: I bet he does too, though.

Brandon: He— he did.

Julia: Okay. I bet he does too, though.

Amanda: Alright. Alright. Troy's down to one arrow, but it is the bomb arrow. So, he is going to pull it and fire it.

Eric: Let's do it.

Julia: Come on, Troy.

Brandon: Instead of normal damage, this bolt deals damage as if the bomb has been primed and thrown, but doesn't have a blast radius.

Eric: What kind of damage is this?

Brandon: This would be— I think it's fire damage? A regular bomb arrows fire damage.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: Alright. Eric, how does a 24 feel?

Eric: That hits.

Julia: I think that hits.

Eric: That hits. So, what do I do?

Brandon: It's two D10 fire damage for the bomb..

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: And then whatever bonuses.

Eric: Let's do shooting 10 plus your Dex, so it's like your regular shots?

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Because that's Troy's— as a marksman, that's his thing. So two— let's do two D10 fire damage plus your Dex.

Amanda: Love it. Alright. So, I'm gonna roll two D10 plus 2, which is my Dex.

Eric: Alright.

Amanda: Alright. So that's 16 plus 2 for 18 points of fire damage.

Eric: What does this look like?

Amanda: The arrow looks a little bit clumsy. The arrowhead is a little bit bigger than usual.

Brandon: It's not very aerodynamic.

Amanda: It's not very aerodynamic, no. It's like a lumpy glass, almost like a hand blown glass arrow, and just like it's not— it's not like a factory glass, it's like lumpy and— and handmade. And everyone sees, I think, in his quiver that this is Troy's last arrow. And he fires, it hits true, I think everyone gasps, and then— [blowing sound]

Brandon: May I also— I think the way it's set up is like there's a little glass vial with some powder, and then as the arrow hits its target, it punctures the glass, and that's what, like, does the reaction?

Eric: I love that we zoom in so super, super small—

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: —and see these little things here. And, you know, we also see, maybe, I don't know, those chemicals react to the laser mechanics of Archimedes Seven's laser— laser sniper that has the ability to set things on fire.

Brandon: Oops.

Eric: Oops. Archimedes Sevens does not plan ahead of time, did not think of that. So, I'm going to double that to 32 points of damage. Boom!

Julia: Jesus Christ.

Brandon (as Umbi): My boy!

Eric: As you see, he has— he turns around in the air so everyone sees the death skull as he's just flying towards the edge of the platform. Alright. And he holds on with one hand.

Amanda: Phew.

Julia: Phew?

Amanda: I don't want him to die. I just want— I just want him to lose. Troy's gonna blow on the edge of his crossbow, make eye contact with the mayor, and say—

Amanda (as Troy): That's enough for you, right?

Julia: Troy Riptide!

Brandon: Whoo!

Amanda: Without waiting for a response, can I, like, use move and stuff?

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna walk over and pull him up.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): [coughs] Through my own hubris, I failed. You got me by blowing up my stuff.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright, come on. We can talk about it later.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): No, I— I don't want your charity. Tell Umbi—

Amanda (as Troy): I need this man.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): —he's my father.

Amanda (as Troy): I need this. Friendship!

Eric: Make a Dexterity Check.

Amanda: Alright. Well, that's only a 4. But Troy did yell friendship, and so his— his arrow necklace is gonna fire.

Eric: What?

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: You're gonna fire?

Amanda: Yeah. But, like, with the rope on it.

Eric: Sure. Make an Attack Roll, then.

Amanda: Alright.

Eric: Because as you reach down to grab for his hand, Archimedes lets—

Amanda: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: —Archimedes lets go of the side and starts to fall.

Amanda: No, I see that shit coming, yep.

Brandon: Classic Archimedes.

Amanda: Alright. It's a 17 to hit.

Eric: That hits.

Amanda: Great. So I got a D8—

Eric: You fire.

Amanda: Okay. Only three points of damage.

Eric: Archimedes falls, you say friendship, it fires off of your necklace, spiraling a rope, and latches into the middle of his breastplate. And now, there is— as we zoom out, Troy is holding the rope.

Amanda: Yes. Feet braced against the edge and starts to, hand-over-hand, pull him back up.

Eric: As Archimedes is just dead weight, trying to fall as hard as he can.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Brandon: I love that he's just giving up. He's just like, "Ugh."

Eric: Yeah. Alright. We're back to Umbi.

Brandon: Great. Well, I would love— as the guards are taking us off of the boat here, I would love to just, like, hop down when I get down off the plank.

Eric: Yeah, sure.

Brandon: And let them take Orello to the medical tent.

Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a 100%.

Brandon: And I would love to throw some bombs at this boat and try to sink it.

Amanda: Yes, Umbi.

Julia: Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Eric: Okay. Rolling for that.

Julia: Oh, yikes.

Amanda: Who knows what the poem is? Goodbye, poem.

Julia: Goodbye, poem. We don't need you.

Brandon: Well, Orello knows, I think.

Julia: We don't know that Orello found out.

Brandon: That's true, we don't.

Eric: Yeah, I think the three Cragish guards lead Orello away.

Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it.

Julia: And now, bombs!

Brandon: And now, yeah, Umbi turns around, reaches into his coat, and pulls out his most favorite bomb. He calls it Betty.

Amanda: Little kiss.

Brandon: He gives a little kiss, and he says—

Brandon (as Umbi): Kill these motherfuckers.

Brandon: And then chucks it at the boat. And obviously, I'm gonna prime that.

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: So you said a little kiss, Brandon. I don't think you have to put that you primed it in there.

Julia: That's what the prime is—

Brandon: That's— that’s true.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Brandon: That's true. I'm also going to— when I prime a bomb, I can add a number of reagent dice up to my proficiency bonus.

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Brandon: So I'm going to add three reagent dice—

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: —which is my proficiency bonus.

Eric: Ooh.

Brandon: So that adds an extra three D10.

Eric: Alright. I'm gonna say this is an AC 14.

Brandon: Okay.

Amanda: Fair and reasonable.

Brandon: Oh, baby. Oh, motherfucker. Your boy got a Nat20.

Amanda: Yay!

Julia: Ohh. Two in one session, Brandon?

Eric: Two in one session from you?

Brandon: And I get to double this damage.

Amanda: Damn.

Julia: That's a— that's a 1 in 400 chance. That's not true. I'm sorry.

Eric: Oh, my God. Okay.

Amanda: No, the question, Eric, is what is the ship's HP?

Eric: That's a good question.

Brandon: Okay, so that means I do five D10—

Eric: Times 2, times 2, yeah.

Brandon: Times 2, times 2, so times 4 plus 2.

Eric: Okay. Great.

Julia: I think that two is gonna really make or break it.

Brandon: Really makes the difference.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandon: 28 times 4 is 112, plus 2 is 114 damage to this boat. Is that good, Eric?

Amanda: Holy shit.

Julia: Hey, Eric. How much HP did this boat have?

Brandon: Do you think that's good, Eric? Do you think I did good?

Julia: Eric, is that good?

Amanda: Eric, is that good for you? Would you like that?

Julia: Eric, is that okay?

Brandon: Eric, did I do good?

Julia: Hey, Eric, is this good? Hey— hey, Eric?

Amanda: Alright. Eric, is frozen looking up—

Eric: No, no, no, no. This is great. I need to think about what happens next. Cool.

Julia: Cool.

Eric: Cool, cool move.

Julia: Cool move.

Brandon: I don't know if this matters to you, Eric, but also just in general—

Eric: No, it doesn't. Shut the fuck up.

Brandon: —anyone within the blast radius, any creature needs to make a Dexterity Saving Throw, but—

Julia: Hey— hey, Brandon, I agree with Eric that this is a really cool move. Just wanted to let you know that, yeah, I agree.

Eric: What's the ra— what's the blast radius on this?

Brandon: It's 15 feet normally, which is not that big.

Eric: No, no, no, no. 15 is good. That's fine. I just think that, like, it's a large boat.

Brandon: What I'm trying to do is just sink it. It doesn't really matter to me whether or not that everyone dies on the—

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what I'm trying to think. It's like this wouldn't hit Radbert. Radbert feels farther away from you within 15 feet, but he's also in dandelion mode.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: He's chillin'. [explosion]

Brandon: I also do want to note that this can be heard audibly up to a mile, so everyone hears this.

Eric: Yeah, everyone hears— everyone hears it, for sure.

Julia: Cammie goes—

Eric: Massive explosion that just blows up the front of—

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, Umbi is at it again.

Eric: —the Radbert pirate ship. Just wood and debris goes everywhere. And this ship tips up and then starts to sink—

Brandon: Like the beautiful Titanic.

Eric: —into the channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me about disorientation again, Julia.

Julia: Yes. It has to roll a D6 and subtract the number rolled from its attack roll.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: As the ship starts to sink, you see Umbi assume a naval-like military stance and do a— a salute as it falls into the ocean.

Eric: Cool, cool, cool.

[Julia hums Taps]

Brandon (as Umbi): Kiss my ass, you piece of giant shit.

Brandon: And then Umbi turns to— turns to the shore and says—

Brandon (as Umbi): I told you I was fine.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay. I'm dealing with something else right now.

Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Let me know if you need help.

Eric: Alright.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay.

Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you for dealing with that thing.

Eric: Okay. The ship blows up, right? And two things happen. One is, the cargo starts to float up to the water. You realized that there are 10, 15, 20, 25 barrels that are floating in the middle of the channel.

Brandon: Troy's favorites.

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: And Umbi, they smell so bad, like they smell before. They smell terrible.

Brandon: Hmm.

Julia: They're full of zombies.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: Hey, Cammie, make a— make a Perception Check.

Julia: [dice roll] Yeah, it's like a 6.

Eric: 6? Yeah, it just smells. It smells nasty.

Amanda: Nasty. Don't like it.

Julia: Can I at least, like, make the connection that it smells like how—

Eric: You can't.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: It's now your turn, if you would like to investigate it, you ca— you may.

Julia: No, I— I have things I need to do to this thing.

Eric: Okay. The second thing that happens is you also see dandelion seeds that are starting to flutter up into the air and are flying away.

Brandon: Well, Eric, here's the question I had for you.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: If this boat's on fire, which it almost certainly is, would the dandelion seeds, a couple of them, catch on fire?

Eric: I would say a couple of them, but not all of them.

Brandon: Okay, okay.

Eric: A few of them catch on fire and go pfft, into the water.

Brandon: Yeah. Do I hear a little bit of— some very small screams as they burn?

Eric: As the majority of them start to float off into the air.

Brandon: Okay.

Amanda: Amazing.

Eric: Cammie, it's your turn.

Julia: Alright. So as a bonus action, I'm going to use Cackle, so I'm going to just like nervously laugh to continue the Disorient.

Eric: Ha, ha, ha, this is so fucked up.

Julia: Ha, ha. And then as my action, I'm going to use Accursed Act. So one creature that you can see within range has to make a Wisdom Saving Throw or be cursed. I would also like to point out that this thing needs to roll with Disadvantage because I have Insidious Spell, which is when you cast a witch spell that affects a creature that is already under the effect of your Hex, that creature has disadvantage on its first Saving Throw against the spell.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: Why would you want to do that to Umbi?

Julia: It's not to Umbi, baby.

Eric: Alright. What do I do? Wisdom Saving Throw?

Julia: A— yes, a Wisdom Saving Throw with Disadvantage.

Eric: [dice roll] Yeah, I rolled a 4 on the dice.

Julia: Awesome. So with Accursed Act, the creature is going to take one D8 plus my spell- casting modifier of psychic damage whenever it attacks or casts a spell.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: So if this thing continues taking attacks against this barrier, it's going to keep taking a one D8 psychic damage plus my spell-casting modifier.

Eric: Okay, good to know. Good to know.

Amanda: Fuck yeah, dude.

Eric: I like it.

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Eric: Alright, it is— now, we're back up top with Troy and Archimedes. Troy, you have— you're now pulling Arch— the dead weight of Archimedes up. Is there anything you'd like to do?

Amanda: I think Troy is just going to focus on getting him up on top of the column as quickly as possible and—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Why— why would you—

Amanda: —say—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): —why would you ruin my reputation like this? Let me— let me die.

Amanda (as Troy): To be honest, I don't think that I could handle missing so many shots, getting unmasked as the prince, and killing you, you motherfucker, all in one round. So, honestly, this is more for me than it is for you. Just act along, okay?

Julia: Amazing. Incredible.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Why would I do anything that wasn't for me, Archimedes Sevens?

Amanda (as Troy): What did you and Umbi talk about all that time?

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I couldn't figure out most of it.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Same. It's fine. That's Grandpa's for you.

Eric: Yeah. You pull Archimedes, the big— the six-foot tall, burly future god king

onto the platform, and he's just charred and black, like real— real, like, Looney Tunes exploded—

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: —like dynamite vibes.

Amanda: Yeah. Troy is gonna put one boot on his chest, withdraw the friendship necklace from his armor.

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Amanda: Gather a couple of the arrows that fell from previous rounds and pick up the microphone to address the crowd. And he goes—

Amanda (as Troy): [PA System] I don't like this contest. Still gonna win it, though.

Eric (as Crowd): Boooo!

Amanda (as Troy): [PA System] Still gonna win it, though.

Brandon (as Crowd): Wooo!

Amanda (as Troy): [PA System] Still gonna win it, though.

Brandon (as Crowd): Woo!

Amanda (as Troy): [PA System] See you next round, you jerks!

Julia (as Crowd): He's gonna win.

Brandon (as Crowd): Woo!

Amanda: And he's gonna drop the microphone, walk back to the locker room.

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] They're saying boo-terfly. I've never seen— I've never seen a crowd turn on a— turn on a contestant like that so much! It's an incredible heel turn for Prince Tro— Prince Troy Breakstone.

Amanda: After I dismount the column, do I see Umbi and Cammie now?

Eric: Sure. Make a perception check.

Julia: Dear God, please see us.

Amanda: Nat20.

Eric: Nat20.

Julia: Yeah,

Eric: Oh, yeah, they're not around. You look around for them in the locker room. They're not here.

Julia: But you did hear the loud-ass boom.

Eric: You did hear the loud-ass boom coming from below the stadium.

Amanda: Yeah. Troy is gonna look at the schedule. I have at least a round until I go again?

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like—

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] Alright, next match, Kid Cervantes and Continuous Thankful.

Julia: Well Kid Cervantes is gonna win that.

Amanda: I know. Troy is like, "Yeah, I know. Fuck that." And he's gonna descend the, uh—

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] The silent killer versus the murdering religious guy.

Amanda: Troy is gonna descend the stairs from the locker room to check out what the hell's going on under the stadium.

Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, you— you're gonna head down there. That is Radbert's turn, and the dandelion seeds are just going to continue to blow away. Now, it's no longer underneath the stadium past the arcane barrier, and it's truly floating away into the sea winds. Hey, so, it's Threelips' turn. You look over and you see that there's a Cragish guard with a gunshot in his head.

Julia: What?

Eric: Because I roll a Nat20 for Threelips getting away from the guard, and you hear [sailboat engine sound] as Threelips has hopped onto Archimedes Sevens' super high-tech sailboat, and he's saying—

Eric (as Threelips): See you later. Don't look for me.

Eric: And pulls out and speeds away.

Brandon: And you— when you look at Umbi's face, he's full of delight saying—

Brandon (as Umbi): Threelips took the pirate life!

Julia: Amazing.

Eric (as Threelips): No, I didn't! Stop labeling me, old man. Fuck you!

Brandon (as Umbi): Pirate, pirate, pirate!

Amanda: Incredible.

Julia: Hey, where's Havana? 'Cause Troy has, like, 6 HP.

Eric: That's an absolutely good question.

Brandon: I would assume Havana would follow Troy into the— the locker room, right?

Julia: Well, that's why I asked, Brandon.

Eric: Yeah, I think you could pick Havana on the way.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thank God. Havana, I— I— I need your whole thing right now.

Eric (as Havana): I’m work— I'm working on it. Great job, um, dramatic. There's so much going on.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Sorry, I didn't tell you I was a secret prince when I was talking all about what my bruvs, all of that was true.

Eric (as Havana): Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Amanda (as Troy): There's also— also, I was the prince, and I just— we'll talk about that later. Sorry, I need you right now.

Eric (as Havana): Okay, I'll start working on healing stuff.

Eric: Alright. Havana rubs his hands together, and says something under his breath, and puts his hands on you, and you heal 8 points of damage.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that itches, bud. Hoo!

Julia: 8 is pretty good.

Eric: 8.

Julia: Pretty good.

Amanda: Okay, so I have 6 temporary, 14 regular.

Eric: Great.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Umbi, what are you doing?

Brandon: Um, well, he does like an old man ya tada, tada, tada, tada, tada, tada dance.

Eric: You just— what do you speak— you just kind of— oh, I see, it's like the chaos portal just comes out, doesn't it? It's just like you're pulling from the plane of chaos, and just whatever comes out, comes out.

Brandon: I mean, look, Eric, I got nothing. That's it. That's right. Yeah. So, he just does that, celebrating the death of this boat, and hopefully some dandelion pods. I assume they're pretty far at this point, right?

Eric: Yeah, they're— they're gone.

Brandon: Yeah. Okay.

Eric: Yeah, Radbert used his turn to get out of there.

Brandon: Yeah, well, I'm gonna go up as close as I can to the channel, as close as I can to this big shadow creature and just yell.

Brandon (as Umbi): How can I help?

Julia (as Cammie): Um, great question. What's up with those barrels?

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, they stink. They're stinky, they stank.

Julia (as Cammie): Any— any other information about, like, what Radbert was doing, or what was going on on the ship before you exploded it?

Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm, good point.

Brandon: And he rushes back over to the barrels.

Eric: Sure. What do you want to do with them?

Julia: Still not giving Cammie any context for what's going on, at all.

Brandon: I'm trying to see if I have anything that I can bring them in with, besides just, like, rope.

Eric: Yeah, you can try to grab one.

Brandon: Are they, like, close enough to the dock to try to just grab one?

Eric: There's probably— there's probably one if you stretch— if you— I could make you roll and try to stretch out for one, yeah.

Brandon: Okay. Um, yeah.

Eric: You don't need anything fancy, just an Athletics roll.

Brandon: Cool. Okay, I'm gonna do that. I'm just trying to reach out for one without getting in the water.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandon: [dice roll] That's a 9.

Eric: Yeah. It's a little bit too far away. You tried to stretch, and you get a crick in your back, and like, "Oh, I shouldn't do that. "

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh!

Eric: So you'd have to do something. You'd have to get over there, you have to use something to go— to go grab it.

Julia: We all know Shape Water. We all know Shape Water.

Brandon: Oh.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. But I mean, if you want to try it first to investigate or perceive it from over there, you can. To try— like, try to smell it again or you can do something else. I just— I don't think you can use another action to get it.

Brandon: Got it, got it. Yeah, I'll do an Investigation or Perception, whatever you want.

Eric: Yeah, I think an Investigation for this one. What is— oh, so first make a Wisdom Saving Throw to see if you get the— you get the smoke out of your lungs.

Brandon: Oh, good point. Disadvantage or just regular?

Eric: This will be regular.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: It'd be mean to give you disadvantage of getting the smoke out of your stuff.

Brandon: Hey, Eric.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Julia.

Julia: Another Nat20?

Brandon: It's another Nat20.

Julia: Holy shit, keep those dice. Whatever you do with those dice, those are good dice.

Eric: That's Chad. It's Chad. Okay. So, yeah, you're —you're no longer— you're— the smoke is cleared, you've been out— I think that you getting the smoke of bombs instead, I think you're fine, that you're fine now.

Amanda: You're breathing in deep. You're like, "Ah, yes."

Eric: The— the smoke of the bomb is—

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: —is getting the other smoke out of your lungs.

Brandon: I've really developed a tolerance to most kinds of smoke.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're good. I would— yeah, just do an Investigation Check then.

Brandon: Okay, cool. Investigation [dice roll] That is a 13 total.

Eric: 13? Okay.

Julia: Not good.

Eric: Does not smell like dead bodies, smells different. Different smell bad.

Brandon: They smell like rock grubs?

Eric: Who can say? No, these smells like barrels and barrels of rock grubs. These are the nasty snacks that Troy has been eating. Traditional snacks of Troy's homeland, rock grubs.

Amanda: And in barrels? It's my birthday.

Brandon: Well, Umbi’s gonna rush back over to the channel and be like—

Brandon (as Umbi): They were just bad snacks. Fuck 'em.

Julia (as Cammie): Make sure that they're not, like, poison or anything.

Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, they're rock grubs, they're almost certainly poison.

Julia (as Cammie): Well, I mean, for people who eat them, you know? Like if I was gonna start a zombie apocalypse outbreak, I would do it through food.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.

Brandon: And then Umbi rushes back over there.

Julia: Not that I know that there's a zombie apocalypse outbreak, because no one gave me fucking context on that yet.

Amanda: Brandon, aren't you glad that we have one smart player on our team?

Brandon: Uh-huh.

Eric: Hey, Camstar.

Julia: Hey, what's up, bruh? I don't like that you call her that.

Eric: I'm at the bottom of the initiative and I'm rolling for something.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Remind me what— what am I supposed to subtract?

Julia: So you're rolling a D6—

Eric: Uh-hmm.

Julia: —and subtracting that. And if you are taking the attack action, you also take one D8 plus my spell-casting modifier, which is plus 6.

Eric: Okay. Can you give me damage for that?

Julia: Uh, yes. Uh, 11 damage.

Eric: Okay, 11 damage. I'm gonna write that down. I rolled a 19 on the dice.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: And attack is plus— plus 9—

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Eric: —is 28.

Julia: Did you subtract the 6, though?

Eric: And then I rolled a D6, and Chad's face looked back at me with, "Oh, no." So that's all they're subtracting one. That’s a 27.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Hmm, okay, okay.

Eric: Boom, boom, boom. Cammie, you hear the shattering of glass. And Cammie, you see that the dark figure is moving. It's moving inside of the arcane barrier. It's moving below the stadium. It's getting awfully close to Umbi. And then you see a big pink anemone tentacle, reach up, and grab one of the barrels. You see a bubble of water come up. And then you hear [roaring sound] as all of these tentacles, pink sea anemone tentacles wiggling and wobbling from all directions, reach up and grab the rock grub barrels. And then more of them reach higher, and higher, and bust through the bottom of Small Key Stadium. And everything starts to shake.

[theme]