Psalms of Growth, Chapter 104
How manifold are Thy works, O Planter! In wisdom hast Thou made them all; the world is sown full of Thy creatures. / Blooming and creeping things innumerable, living creatures, both small and great. / The smallest caterpillar seed to the undersea Leviathans, and the rest we fall in between.
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
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About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: The dramatic upset during the semifinal round of the Bullseye Games. Troy takes down future Builder, Archimedes Sevens. But that probably won't be what everyone's talking about since something big is going on down below. With a tied-up Orello in his hands, Umbi escapes Radbert, who's been working for Audrey the Rotten Queen the entire time. Umbi blows up Radbert's boat behind him, dropping the 25 or so barrels of rock grubs that were in the hold into the water. Cammie scrambles to figure out what to do about this massive creature below the surf, cursing it to slow it down. But this massive Leviathan of a sea anemone just wants those rock grubs to snack on, and it busts through the arcane barrier, and therefore, Small Key Stadium. All anemone is about to break loose. Let's get the party started.
Eric: So I have the Thesaurus page of wiggling up, just so, you know, I can just get this out of the way. Wiggling, quaking, quivering, staggering, swaying, teetering, trembling, wabbling, W-A-B-B-L-I-N-G, wabbling.
Amanda: What?
Brandon: I like that.
Eric: That one's pretty good.
Amanda: That unlocks all kinds of Scrabble possibilities for me.
Eric: Wabble?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, wabble is a good one. Double B, though. That's tough.
Amanda: Hmm. Wiggles wabble but they don't fall down?
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Well, you know what is falling down? Small Key Stadium.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: As the giant pink wabbling tentacles of these pink sea anemone monster are wabbling and staggering and swaying around you, punching into the driftwood and sea glass that is now crunching and crumbling around you. And you see that everything around you is moving and shaking, because there's an entire stadium above all three of you and all of the boats.
Julia: That is true.
Eric: Also, there's a mouth somewhere. I'm not going to tell you where it is, but it's definitely down there. You only see, like, 10 wiggling, wabbling giant pink tentacles of this— of this giant sea ane— anemone.
Julia: So, is it like a watermelon anemone or like a— like a raspberry anemone or like—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Yeah, Julia, as you look closer, you see that there are a little strawberry seeds all over.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: How adorable.
Eric: It's just covered in strawberry seeds, it's almost like a chiton.
Julia: That's so cute.
Eric: —around every single wiggling tentacle.
Brandon: Oh, now, I want to eat it.
Amanda: It's gonna fuck me up, but that's so cute.
Julia: Yeah, it's adorable.
Eric: Brandon, you can— you have 12 hit points I remember—if I remember correctly?
Brandon: 15.
Eric: Okay. So maybe you can eat it. Alright. Havana is there, too. So as you're down there, as you remember, Umbi, you are— you are on the parking dockside with Havana and also a group of Cragish soldiers who let your— your friend Threelips escape. Radbert is gone, but so is his ship. There's a smoldering wood in the water next to you, and everything is shaking. And remember, Cammie, you are on the other side of the stadium, there's a large channel in between you because you went down the, like, nerdy tourist path—
Julia: Correct.
Eric: —to see it. And, of course, Cammie, you see the— the big hole in the arcane wall. It's all up. It's like a— like a brick thrown through a window.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I don't know how to fix that.
Amanda: And which side is Troy on as he, like, rushes out of the stadium?
Eric: You're on the— you're on the— the parking side.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: 'Cause when you come down the stairs, you're in the parking area.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: Yeah. I would like to start a skill challenge.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Brandon: I like those.
Eric: Oooh. So, as we— we've done skill challenges before, I'm doing this a little bit looser, a little bit different here. But first thing I want to ask all three of you, hey, what do you want to do? What's your intention here? What are your goals? I— I have three that I— I suppose to you.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: One is, do you want to fight the sea monster? Two is, do you want to escape through the stadium? Or three, do you want to escape through the water, getting on your boat?
Julia: Is there a fourth option?
Eric: There are a fourth option. Those are three that came to mind for me.
Julia: Okay. I think, like, in my mind the ideal situation is, stop the monster, stop the stadium from being destroyed.
Eric: You could do that.
Amanda: Ideally, I would like to prevent the stadium from collapsing, because I do want to win this motherfucking contest and get that key.
Julia: I was gonna say we still need the key, we can't just leave.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. The spirit of competition, remind me, Julia, did he say he couldn't fix the hole in the ozone layer?
Julia: Oh, yeah, he couldn't. I kept trying to get him to, but he simply couldn't.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: Hmm. If anyone wants to take Arcana or religion check, if you— if you want to make some checks to figure out what you want to do—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —please let me know.
Brandon: I'm gonna do Arcana.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Wait, before you do, what's your religion?
Brandon: My religion is plus 3.
Julia: Okay. Can you do religion and I'll do Arcana? 'Cause my Arcana is plus 4, but my religion is only plus 1.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Let me know what you wa— what you're thinking.
Julia: So I'm doing Arcana, I rolled a 15 plus 4 for a 19.
Eric: 19? Great.
Julia: I want to see if there is a way of duct-taping this hole.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: Because I know I can't weave it.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Can you get rid all the aerosol hairsprays that everyone uses—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: —in Verda Stello?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Right. You're right.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's the hole in the— in the o— the zone in ozone is the stadium, I assume.
Amanda: Exactly.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Correct.
Amanda: Troy would like to look around for public safety, I think that's his first thought. And, like, are— how is this structural integrity of the stadium? Like where could we shore up the basis of the stadium?
Julia: Troy— Troy would like to use his Super Power.
Eric: Yeah, he would like to use his Aggie roll for sure.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if— if the building has blueprints on file, she knows about it. Survival?
Julia: Troy would like to roll strength and just hold up the stadium.
Amanda: Yeah, seriously.
Julia: Yeah, go for it. Survival.
Amanda: Survival, okay.
Julia: Baby, you never know, you might roll a Nat 20.
Amanda: Yeah, no—
Julia: So it doesn't matter.
Amanda: —I'm gonna roll— I'm gonna roll a survival check.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Where can I, in a moment of crisis, shore up the structural integrity of the stadium?
Eric: Okay, let's try that.
Amanda: [dice roll] Well, it's a 3. No, I'm just kidding. It's a 3 plus 3 for a 6.
Julia: Nice.
Brandon: That's a number.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Not the Nat 20 I was hoping for, but it's a number.
Amanda: No.
Eric: Troy, you're standing underneath a piece of sea glass that was arranged into the words parking and—
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: —it seems like it's about to come down.
Amanda: Uh-oh. Troy steps to the side.
Eric: Great. Okay. Good to know.
Julia: Good job, Troy. Survival, A plus.
Eric: And it cra— and— and it crashes exactly where you were standing.
Amanda (as Troy): Damn, could have died.
Julia: Damn, could have died.
Amanda (as Troy): Could have died right now.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Could have died right today.
Eric: Who rolled— who rolled religion?
Brandon: Me.
Eric: Religion, what you got?
Brandon: But I only got a 10 plus 3 for a 13.
Eric: 13? Okay.
Julia: That's still pretty good.
Eric: So everything that you've heard about the spirit of competition and this whole thing, especially from the stuff that you know from your study, from Overstalk, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Is that— you know, there's a gaming clause that says that gods and religions are based on the people who are involved with it, right? The more powerful a deity is, is the more people who believe in it. So you haven't heard really anything about the spirit of competition other than the first thing and—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —there is no, like, cult to competition. There's no, like, super strong pole vaulters around, spreading the word of competition around.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: You haven't read anything about this. You know that this is— it's obviously based in the Olive-piad, but like it's not around anymore. It's not like you— when you were watching any of the rounds happening, it's not like this was secretly one big secret ritual to give the spirit of competition power. It's just like—
Brandon: Let me stop you right there, Eric.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: This is a clap if you believe in Tinkerbell situation is what you're telling me.
Julia: I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.
Amanda: I do, I do.
Eric: Yes, Brandon, because I would— I would say it's not that simple. You can't just get everyone to say, "Wow, I'm having so much fun in competition"— you can't get everyone to start clapping and then Tinkerbell comes back.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: It's not like that.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: If only.
Eric: Well, let's talk about this Arcana Roll. Julia, what did you get?
Julia: It was a 15 plus 4 for 19.
Eric: Alright. Well, what do you want to know exactly?
Julia: Like I said, I want to know if there is a way that I can basically duct tape this hole shut so that we can, you know, save the stadium, reinforce the defenses.
Eric: With a 19, the Arcana Barrier kept the sea monsters out. The sea monster's in and is destroying the stadium. You're saying, "Wow, I wish I had a better lock," and there's already a moose destroying everything in the house.
Julia: Okay. Let me— let me rephrase that, though. Because, like, in my mind—
Amanda: Fair.
Julia: — an anemone is something that is typically like in the seafloor, right? Or attached to a rock or something.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: So this thing I imagined had just, like, spread up into the stadium and is causing havoc.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: But is it more mobile than that?
Eric: Yeah, it moved. You saw it move.
Julia: I saw, like, the base of it move.
Eric: You saw it move, right?
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Like it's— I'm using the sea anemone as a starting off point for this sea monster.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: But it certainly— you saw it move. It moved from outside the barrier. The barrier got broken, and it moved inside, and now tentacles are up.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Got it.
Julia: So it's now fully inside the barrier?
Eric: Yes, it's fully inside the barrier.
Julia: Okay. I misunderstood that. I thought part of it was still, like, in between the barrier.
Eric: No, no, it pushed through.
Julia: And I was thinking of like a sci-fi porthole situation where if we close it, maybe it would cut it in half.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
Julia: Yes, Amanda.
Amanda: Okay, I have a crazy idea. I do have two jars of rock grubs that Troy grabbed from the first shipwreck—
Julia: That is true.
Amanda: —for a taste of home, ™. What if Troy hopped on the Sea Whip and started leaving a little Goldilocks trail of rock grubs away from the stadium?
Julia: Okay, Eric, can I roll Nature and see if that kind of plan would work to lure this thing away from the stadium?
Eric: Yeah, roll another—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, if you want to do a Nature roll, then roll something else.
Amanda: You roll the best, Julia. Whatever you get.
Julia: Well, that's a 14 plus 4 for an 18.
Eric: Well, with an 18, I would say this thing is certainly rock grub motivated.
Julia: And as I understand it, the harbor is still filled with the barrels of rock grubs from Radbert's ship that exploded, right?
Eric: No, that shit got ate.
Julia: Oh, it already got ate? Okay.
Eric: That shit got ate.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: That was what— that was like the queue. It was, like, the tentacles came up and grabbed them, and now they're like, "Oh, there's probably more food up."
Julia: Oh, so you would say it's all out of snacks now?
Amanda: It's all out of snacks.
Eric: I would— I would say it's all out of snack now. You're right.
Julia: Okay, well.
Amanda: I have proficiency steering the ship and I can find a safe place to land. And if me, and Harold, and Sil just, like, drop a little Goldilocks trail going out, y'all can work on, like, the barrier and/or public safety.
Eric: You— you all— you can all do it together.
Amanda: We could.
Julia: We could all do it together. I don't like splitting the party.
Eric: Fair.
Julia: That didn't work very well for the rest of the past couple episodes.
Amanda: Fair.
Brandon: Oh, okay. Well, I was gonna say that yeah, my thought was that of Amanda, too. I was gonna sort of, like, try to get people to safety.
Julia: That is a great idea. If we— hold on, because Brandon, I just had a fucking brain blast.
Brandon: Blain blast! Blain blast?
Eric: Brain blast.
Brandon: Brain blast!
Amanda: Baja Brain Blast.
Brandon: Baja Brain Blast.
Julia: Eric, take your headphones off for a second. I want to give Brandon an idea.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Brandon—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —what if we did the plan that Troy is suggesting right now, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: But what if we also filled the things with bombs, and then it follows the scent, and then you drop it off, and it eats the rock grubs, but it's also bombs.
Brandon: I love that. How big are the rock grubs like?
Julia: Well, they're like full barrels of rock grubs.
Amanda: Two barrels.
Brandon: Oh, they're barrels?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, barrels baby.
Julia: Because Troy took two barrels.
Amanda: Oh, they're barrels.
Brandon: Yeah, I like that idea a lot.
Julia: Okay, cool. Great.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Beautiful.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: We got the plan, then. I just like making plans where you can't hear it, because I don't want you to start planning against my plan.
Eric: Whatever.
Julia: Whatever, man.
Eric: Whatever, man.
Amanda: I think all of us should do the Sea Whip—
Julia: Get on the ship.
Amanda: That way— yeah, Cammie can shape water maybe—
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: —or like attracts the attention with— of the guy with the spell. Brandon can be our firing person and fire some, you know, mini-barrels, or jars, or, like, individual rock grubs in a trail, and Troy will navigate.
Julia: I think it'll probably just smell it for— like if you open the top of that barrel, I think it'll just smell it and follow you guys—
Amanda: Yeah. No, let's do it.
Julia: Or follow us, so let's do it.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Eric, take your headphones off for a second.
Julia: It's a recurring theme now.
Amanda: What's up?
Brandon: Here's the problem, is that I can't like ti— I don't have time bombs.
Julia: But, like, if you just put bombs in a barrel and, like, primed them, and this thing chomped down on them, wouldn’t they explode?
Brandon: I think strictly rules-wise, no.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Let's see if we can do the first phase of the plan, and then once we run out of bait, we'll just sail away and do what we got to do.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Because if— if it's not coming back to the stadium for more snacks, it's— it's not like a huge threat.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Alright. So here's how the skill challenge is gonna work. Now that you have a goal, you want to escape from underneath the stadium using the sea, via the water, right?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: And you can also do all of the things to also pull the monster away as well. Here's how we're going to do this. As we've done with skill challenges before, we are now in skill challenge territory. I need everyone to roll a D20 right now.
Amanda: Alright, big butterfly.
Brandon: Any additions?
Eric: No.
Julia: Fuck.
Amanda: 5.
Brandon: 14.
Julia: 2!
Eric: Alri— alright, this is gonna be even harder. You need 8 successes—
Brandon: Jesus.
Eric: —on skill checks to make this happen. And you have 3 failures that might count against you.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: In order to make this happen, in the way that you want it to happen, you need 8 successes before— before you get 3 failures, okay?
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: The difference here is that you can do any checks that you want to, that you think will—will work towards this happening.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: The only restriction I will put on this is that if someone makes a check, they cannot make the same check again. So for example, if Cammie makes an Arcana Check, Cammie cannot make another Arcana Check. Other people can make Arcana Checks, but Cammie cannot do that again. You got to have different stuff.
Julia: Bangarang.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: Yeah. Also, if all of you want to do something together, you may, and that can count as one, and then that will be— I'll do an average of whatever DC I'm thinking of. But most of the stuff will probably be on its own.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay? And remember, you can do any checks, anything that— anything that you think might work here. For ex— here's some examples of things you could do. Obviously, Troy steering the boat, obviously Umbi shooting barrels if he wants to. You could also do a Survival Check or an Animal Handling Check to do something that— that would catch the sea monster's attention, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. Does everyone understand what I'm saying?
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Okay. So this is a little bit squishier than we've done. I'm not throwing stuff in front of you. We're doing like a mini AC— a quick time event of you all doing checks that would help you in this particular moment.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Yeah. Also, you will need to steer and go pick up Cammie.
Julia: Cammie can also, like, run over and stuff like that, like that's fine.
Eric: Well, well, the only thing— the only other restriction is, I would remind you, Cammie's on the other side of a channel of water that has a big sea anemone wiggly sea monster in it.
Julia: Oh yeah, that is true.
Eric: So if you want to go pick up Cammie, you got to go do that and make a check—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —to— to go—you have to go do that.
Julia: Can I shape water though and in just like woosh?
Eric: That's a— yes, you have to deal with— of course you can.
Julia: Alright.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: But you— so you have to deal with that situation, okay?
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Skill Challenge: Sea— Sea monster—Sea Monster Wrangler. Begin!
Julia: Alright.
Brandon: It's a very weird sequel to Monster Hunter, but I'm into it.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I'm down.
Julia: But like a really practical sequel to Monster Rancher, another—
Amanda: True.
Eric: That was actually the— the translation team of the United States. It's actually Wiggly Monster Guy in— for the —
Julia: Oh.
Eric: If you directly translate it from the Japan—
Julia: It makes so much sense.
Amanda: Makes a lot of sense.
Julia: Wow.
Brandon: Yeah, it makes sense.
Eric: —from the Japanese, yeah.
Amanda: So, Eric, the channel that separates Umbi and Troy from Cammie, is that the channel that leads out into the open water as well?
Eric: Yeah. Imagine there's like a big water parking lot.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: There's the docks, there's the big water stuff that's underneath the shaking and— and wriggling, and writhing, and waggling stadium with the— with the tentacles, and then Cammie's on the other side, correct.
Amanda: Yeah. So, Umbi, if you want to join Troy, we can hop on the Sea Whip.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Whip it around into that channel and get Cammie on board before we start luring this big guy out with more snacks.
Eric: Alright.
Brandon: Yep. Sea Whip it around— but yes.
Amanda: Exa— you're right.
Eric: The— the big— the—
Amanda: You know what, Brandon, Eric? Please? I fucked up.
Julia: Right.
Eric: The— the biggest u-y and the U in u-y stands for underwater.
Amanda: Yes. Cool. So what kind of check would you like for me, Eric? I have proficiency in water vehicles.
Eric: Tell me what checks you want to do.
Amanda: Yeah. So how would you like maybe Athletics for this or Acrobatics to get there quick and whip her around dexterously?
Eric: Yeah. Let's do— so this would be a water vehicles check. This is why I hate official stuff. Here's what it says for vehicle proficiency. If you have proficiency with a certain type of vehicle, land or water, you can add your proficiency bonus to any check you make to control that vehicle in difficult circumstances. Tell me what— what it is! Tell me what it is!
Amanda: Let's do Dex, then, because we're trying to, like, do the equivalent of, like, backing out of a parking spot, swinging around to the entrance, picking someone up, and getting out.
Eric: 100%, I like that.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: So, yeah, decks plus your proficiency, please. I'm looking for a 13— actually, I'm looking— I'm looking for a 14, because there's a monster in the water.
Julia: You go, girl.
Amanda: Fuck me. Okay. 3 plus 2 plus 3, so it's only an 8.
Eric: It's an 8?
Amanda: Fuck.
Eric: That's fine. Alright, we got one failure.
Amanda: Shit. Guys, I've gone through all my D20s.
Julia: Just pick the one that's being spicy. Just let it happen.
Amanda: Alright, big butterfly.
Eric: Alright. We have one failure in the skill challenge bucket. And I think at that point, Umbi, and Troy as you're doing— maybe you're doing a K turn, and you're doing a lot of lit— really small turns—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —turning into like a 23-point turn. And that's enough time for a big, wiggly pink tentacle to come down on the Sea Whip. What do you both do?
Julia: Is it going to subtract -1D6 from that and also take some psychic damage?
Eric: It is going to do that, Julia, you're right. But what are you— Umbi and Troy, what do you do?
Amanda: We have a protocol for this. I think Troy will do evasive maneuvers and try to, like, the thing of, like, turning into a skid, but we'll try to veer away from the arc of the tentacle as Umbi engages in counter maneuvers.
Brandon: Counter maneuvers meaning in my brain, throwing bombs at the motherfucker.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Okay. Fair. Yeah.
Eric: Umbi, make an— yeah, throw a bomb at it. Make an attack roll. Let's see what happens.
Brandon: I'm just gonna do a regular roll bomb. [dice roll] I got a 13 plus 5 for 18.
Amanda: Yes!
Eric: Nice. Wonderful.
Amanda: God, I feel like shit. Sorry I put a failure on the board.
Julia: It's okay.
Brandon: I would like everyone who's listening to this episode to recognize that I'm the one rolling well.
Amanda: You are.
Julia: Proud of you, buddy.
Amanda: You are.
Julia: Proud of you, buddy. What are you pulling up?
Amanda: The DM screen, he's looking at something.
Julia: I don't like that.
Amanda: Don't like that at all.
Eric: How much does cheese cost?
Amanda: How much does cheese cost? What is that like two silver maybe, like a whole wheel of cheese?
Brandon: It's a parm, 2-year aged parm.
Julia: Oh, yeah. I'd pay a full gold for two aged parm.
Eric: Alright, wonderful.
Julia: A gold per— per year.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright. Umbi, Troy, I want you to take 9 points of damage. I halved the 4D10 that I was attacking with because Umbi hit it with a bomb.
Brandon: Sweet.
Eric: Cammie, you also looked over and you see that there's steam coming out of the water underneath where the sea anemone's face might be.
Julia: Steam?
Eric: Yeah, your Hex is still on, my man.
Julia: Yeah, okay. Good. Good.
Eric: It's just flavor saying you did some stuff.
Julia: Alright. Cool. Sorry, I was confused.
Eric: No.
Julia: I thought this was a clue. I thought it was a clue!
Eric: No, it's just color. It's not a clue. Oh, no, it's all clues. It's always been clues. Incredible.
Brandon: Sorry, Eric, where's Havana right now? Is he on the boat with us?
Eric (as Havana): Waaaaaa!
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: So yes?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Umbi needs some healing, Havana.
Brandon: When is his turn? If he gets a turn, I would love some heals.
Eric: I will see if Havana can steel himself to take care of that in this—
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: — in this particular thing. But I just need player checks during the skill challenge.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Alright. The big, wiggly pink tentacle comes down slamming onto the Sea Whip as you take 9 points of damage. But, Troy, this does not stop the Sea Whip's momentum as it spins out, and you can go pick up Cammie.
Amanda: I would like Troy's next thing to be an Athletics Check for barrels to open the lid of one of the barrels of rock grubs.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Give me an Athletics Check.
Julia: Come on, Amanda.
Amanda: Alright. I have proficiency in Athletics and barrels.
Eric: And, like, the first thing you do is you run up— you run up and being like, "I need the snacks!"
Amanda: I need this barrel! [dice roll] Alright. So we have an 8 plus 4 for my Athletics Check, but I also have proficiency in barrels. So, do I add double proficiency?
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: Right?
Julia: Let her do it!
Eric: Yes, you— of course, you do.
Julia: Fuck yes.
Amanda: Alright. So then I have an 8 plus 4 for a 12, plus 3 for 15 in barrels.
Eric: Alright, that's a success. Put that success on the board—
Amanda: Woo!
Julia: Yay!
Eric: —as you pop up the top. Obviously, your study of barrels, you know exactly how to pop the top like a Pringles can.
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: So you have one—
Amanda (as Troy): Not how they’re meant to be opened, but it's okay this one time.
Eric: That is one success, one failure. You are one step closer away from the grave.
Amanda: Guys, I'm net neutral, net neutral!
Julia: Whee.
Eric: Cammie, Umbi, what do you want to do?
Julia: I would like to dunk myself onto the ship.
Brandon: Oh, my God.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: Now— now— now— now, Cammie.
Julia: Yeah?
Eric: First of all, I need— I need a really dramatic zoom-in in slow motion of you lacing up these shoes.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Or if there was a Gatorade commercial—
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: —where Cammie was doing the voiceover, what would that look like?
Julia: Well, you just see it— you see it happening and then they disappear because Cammie's skirt is too long.
Amanda: Aw.
Julia: And she's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Well, they don't clash with my fashions.
Eric: I'm imagining Cammie pouring the bright blue Gatorade out of a teacup, out of a teapot.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: With the bright blue beads of sweat on her forehead.
Eric: Exactly. So, wha— how does this— what is this— how was this a dunk? Tell me how this is a dunk.
Julia: It's a dunk because I am jumping into the air and then slamming myself down onto the deck.
Eric: For sure. And I assume you're trying to jump, like, more than five feet?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that'd be pretty cool if you did that.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Amanda: You can windmill your legs as you're in the air.
Julia: Yeah. I would like to Space Jam, is that alright with you, Eric?
Eric: No, that's good. I just want to know.
Julia: Good.
Eric: Because I assume that you're stretching your arm out to get Nonny on the boat.
Amanda: Holding Nonny, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Eric: Hold— palming Nonny.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I mean, may I yes and, and say we got lots of open windows that you could dunk yourself into. We got sails you can dunk yourself into.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't care where it is. I'm just gonna dunk myself onto the boat.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, Ha— you can dunk yourself into Harold, that works.
Brandon: Into Harold.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Julia: Yeah. And Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Harold for the assist.
Eric: Alright. Give me an Athletics Check and you have advantage on this jump.
Julia: Alright. That's pretty good for the first one. And pretty good for the second one. Alright. So that is a 18 minus 1.
Eric: Hey, that's good.
Julia: Pretty good.
Eric: 17 is good.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's another success. Put another success on the big board.
Julia: Woo!
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: For the Toon Squad as Cammie dunks herself onto the ship.
Amanda: That's us.
Julia: Woo! You see, like, Cammie lands and just, like, has her arms out and is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I did it. Yay!
Amanda (as Troy): That was sick.
Julia (as Cammie): Thanks, Troy.
Eric: You're— you're swinging on the mast like it's a rim of a basketball net.
Julia (as Cammie): Weee!
Eric: Yeah. Alright. Umbi, what do you got?
Brandon: I would love to throw a flashbang at the eyes, or at least in the vicinity of this giant monster to help us— Troy to get some time to escape.
Eric: Okay. I'm gonna say that sounds great. Throw that flashbang. That's going to be your throw-a-bomb check for the skill challenge.
Brandon: Okay. Like Batman.
Eric: Have we considered that all of this is on a utility belt?
Brandon: We haven't.
Eric: We should.
Amanda: Have we considered that most of Brandon's characters have been like Batman?
Julia: You're not wrong, when I think about it.
Eric: Yeah, Tracy never had parents.
Brandon: [Batman voice] I'm Umbi.
Amanda: That's Les' voice. Yeah.
Eric: That's pretty good. That's what Les sounds like.
Brandon: That's true. Unfortunately, I got a 7 plus 5 for a 12.
Amanda: Is it the same DC every time or you're— you're figuring it out each time?
Eric: What— we're you— we're shoot— yeah, we're shooting for a 13. I think—
Julia: Guys, come on.
Eric: It happens, it happens. That's a failure. I think that you still— you throw the flashbang in there and it sinks to the bottom, but all it does is you see now 20 tentacles shoot up and wiggle around like a— a Pokemon startled in the long grass. And then immediately shoots up and slams into the top of the stadium. And you're seeing a lot of sea glass raining down towards you. And then you hear [destruction sound] as one-quarter of the stadium starts to—
Brandon: Ahh!
Eric: —slide into the water, like watching a glacier go into the ocean.
Julia: This is so bad.
Eric: It is massive. Now, sea glass is raining down towards all of you. What do you all do?
Brandon: Panic.
Eric: Good.
Amanda: I think we should go full speed ahead, trailing rock grubs behind us in the channel as we go.
Julia: From the one barrel.
Amanda: We have two, but one is open right now.
Julia: Yes. Let's keep one—
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: —but trail with the— the other.
Amanda: Yeah, that's what I think.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Or you're asking what do we do in regards to the raining glass?
Eric: No, the raining glass.
Julia: Yeah, that's what I figured you meant.
Eric: Yeah, the raining glass.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Amanda: I mean, I think other people are probably figuring out protocols, but I think this is the thing that will mitigate damage the fastest.
Eric: Yeah. And you see as the quarter of the stadium, like, slides into the water, you also see— there's a bunch of people on— sitting in their seats, screaming. As all of them are clamoring and scampering out, you see pirates fall into the water. Some of them trying to latch onto the side of the stadium, just dangling hundreds of feet above the water.
Amanda (as Troy): They could all swim, uh…
Julia: It's a bold assumption, but alright.
Brandon: I can throw one potion of water breathing into the crowd.
Julia: Just don't, just don't.
Eric: Everyone, make a Dexterity Saving Throw, please.
Julia: Yeah. Oh, God. Nat20.
Eric: Whoa.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: 18.
Brandon: Hey, I also got an 18 plus—
Amanda: Aye!
Julia: Eric, if I roll a Nat20 on any of these skills, can that count as two 6's at this point?
Eric: We will see. We will certainly see.
Julia: This is— we're not gonna do—
Amanda: We're not gonna do this.
Julia: There's just no fucking way. There's just no way.
Brandon: 23 total, then.
Eric: 23?
Amanda: 18.
Eric: 18? Oh, that's all really good.
Brandon: It's really good.
Eric: I rolled really good on my— on my glass damage blow, so I'm going to be fair, and I'm gonna divide it by 3 this time because you all did so well. That's gonna be 8 points of slashing damage.
Brandon: Cool. And Umbi's knocked out.
Julia: Yep, that's what I fuckin' figured.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: 29.
Amanda: Troy's gonna drag Umbi's body into the cabin and yell for Havana.
Brandon: And the last thing he says is—
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, boy.
Julia: And then he's fully dead. Weird.
Eric (as Havana): What's ha— what's happening? What— what happened?
Amanda (as Troy): Havana, Umbi is out, you gotta— you gotta wake him back up. We've been through this. We know the protocol.
Eric (as Havana): I forgot— oh, I need to look at my textbooks about with— or pray about if there’s glass—
Julia (as Julia): Havana.
Eric (as Havana): If there's glass through a— of— if there's glass through a produce Greenfolk, do you take it out or not?
Julia (as Cammie): Havana, you know the way down the Path. You've got this.
Amanda: Aw.
Eric (as Havana): Okay. I'll take 'em.
Julia: Can I roll Persuasion as a fucking—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yes, you can. Yeah, you can.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: As the stench of green bell pepper fills the room.
Julia: 19. 19 for Havana.
Amanda: Aye!
Eric: 19? Put success on the board, Havana says—
Eric (as Havana): Okay, I got— okay. I will. Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): Havana?
Eric (as Havana): Thank you.
Julia (as Cammie): You got this.
Eric (as Havana): Your grandpa smells so bad.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Yeah, he does.
Eric (as Havana): He does.
Julia (as Cammie): The waft of green bell peppers, it's terrible.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I have a green bell pepper in my fridge right now. When I cut it, I'm gonna smell it and see what it smells like.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's true. In my head, there's like a pawpaw fruit skewer of like a big, jagged slice of—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —sea— of blue sea glass. It's so pretty, it looks like something that like an NYU student would take a photo of. This is called American Capitalism.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Incredible. Umbi, unfortunately, I'm gonna have to see when Havana is going to take care of this. So you are— you are down at the moment.
Brandon: Yeah, that's fair.
Julia: Okay. We can handle this.
Eric: How many successes do we have?
Amanda: We have three successes, two failures.
Eric: Alright. Three successes, two failures, you need five more successes.
Julia: Only five more, guys. Only five more.
Eric: Five more. Alright. What do you do?
Julia: What— what's the next step? We need to sail out of here, that's the next—
Eric (as Havana): Waaaaaaaaah!
Amanda: Yeah. Troy's gonna focus on just sailing as fast as humanly possible. Can I persuade Harold and Sil to assist more than they've ever assisted before?
Brandon: Mmm.
Eric: You absolutely can. First, Troy—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —I'm going to need to make a Perception Check, this won't count.
Amanda: Thank God.
Julia: Can I assist with that?
Eric: You can— yeah, you can make a Perception Check as well.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: I got a 12 flat.
Julia: I rolled another fucking Nat20. Beautiful.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: A Nat20.
Julia: Jesus fucking Christ.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: Cammie, at the moment that you see the quarter of the stadium slide into the water, that is the quarter that's like facing you. You're looking at it from down below and you see the quarter near you come down. And as you're looking up, you see that the dual platform is still raised. And you see one dot of green and the colors of the South American sunset.
Julia: Kid Cervantes, baby.
Eric: Standing on the platform, holding their water gun.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's still very-- incredibly far away. You would not have been able to see this without a Nat20. But you see that Kid Cervantes is standing there, prepared, cactus legs bowed, cactus arms in cactus position.
Julia: Just Kid Cervantes?
Eric: Just Kid Cervantes.
Julia: Waiting for his next opponent?
Eric: I would say so.
Julia: Would that next opponent be Troy Riptide?
Eric: You also see that the clear box with the Cloud Key inside is sitting next to him.
Julia: But we have a deal with Kid Cervantes, right? Kid Cervantes is the one we made the deal with?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: If I win, I will give you the key—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —if you save my siblings who are in the underwater prison, correct.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: Troy is still in the running though, right?
Eric: Correct.
Julia: Troy won his— okay.
Eric: Correct.
Amanda: And also, like, missed my match or something, but—
Brandon: Is there now a water channel to go pick him up, Eric?
Eric: If you could go back the way you came, if you wanted to, but there's a big sea monster there.
Brandon: So we'd have to go back through?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You'd have to go back through.
Amanda: I think Troy would want to keep sailing.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Yeah, there's no other option.
Amanda: I’m open to—
Eric: It's just— it's just Perception Check.
Julia: No.
Eric: It's alright.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Alright. Troy you still want to do that?
Julia: Keep sailing, baby.
Amanda: Yeah, I mean, I think nothing will— will stop Troy from attempting to save the people at this point.
Eric: Alright. Persuasion Check, what do you say?
Amanda (as Troy): Harold, Sil, this is Operation The Puppets Palladium is on the verge of failure. We need to sail faster than we've ever sailed.
Julia: Cammie in the background is panicking like—
Julia (as Cammie): Not the Puppet Palladium!
Eric: Harold says—
Eric (as Harold): The puppets?!
Eric: And Sil says—
Eric (as Sil): I don't know what that is. It's my first time feeling this feeling.
Amanda: Alright, I got an 11 plus 2 for a 13 exactly.
Eric: Yeah, I mean— yeah, that's a 13. That's a success.
Amanda: Yes!
Eric: It was the puppets. The puppets did it.
Julia: The puppets did it.
Eric: The puppets did it. Both Sil and Harold then pull ropes like they've never pulled ropes before, the sails are out at full— full-billowing masts as you're picking up speed going away from the stadium.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, toss those grubs in.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Julia: And then Cammie is going to do something that is not strength, because I simp— oh Cammie's gonna cast Petal Storm and have it—
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: —whip up—
Eric: Ooh.
Julia: —into a whirlwind that is going to then trail it behind the ship.
Eric: I love that.
Julia: Because, basically, I can keep moving that as like a bonus action.
Amanda: Can you tantalize it like a dog with a treat?
Julia: Yes, that's the vibe.
Amanda: And like lure it out? Yeah, love it.
Julia: And, like, also like hoping that the wind will—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Like the scent of it will get back to the anemone.
Eric: You want to grab the scent of the rock—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —grubs go over there—
Julia: Yes.
Eric: —and then come back behind the sails?
Julia: Exactly.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Listen, I heard 80% of taste or smell, so I think this has a great chance of success.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: An 80% of smell is memory, so—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —that's pretty good, too.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That sea anemone has seen some shit.
Brandon: And 80% of memory is Gatorade, baby.
Julia: Wooo!
Brandon: That's canon.
Julia: Cammie wicks some blue sweat off of her brow.
Eric: Yeah. Alright, Cammie. Yeah, you ex— expand that spell slot to do Pedal Storm and give me an Arcana Check.
Julia: Okay. [dice roll] That's gonna be a 13 plus 6 for a 19.
Eric: 19, that's another success, baby.
Amanda: Aye! Alright, five to two, we might pull it off.
Eric: That's true. As you're pulling away, you see that the tentacles— now that there's 20, you see 10 of them turn, and look like little periscopes towards you, and stop smashing the stadium.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Avast Ye!
Eric: Brandon, I'm gonna give you a choice here.
Brandon: Yeah?
Eric: Down in the hold as Umbi is skewered, and Havana is looking through medical textbooks trying to pull the glass out of you, and then goes—
Eric (as Havana): No, I'm not supposed to do that.
Eric: And then, like, takes them over to pray and think. Would you like to make a roll to heal Umbi with Medicine Check? I know you don't know what it— what it is, but theoretically, he is your healer. Would you like to trans this Medicine Check and put it towards the skill challenge? If it's successful, Umbi can come back with a few.
Julia: He has to have good medicine. He has to have good medicine.
Brandon: No. I don't— I'm not gonna risk it. I don't think it's worth it.
Eric: Alright. That's fine. It's up to you. That's fine.
Brandon: We only have one failure left, I'm not going to risk it.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Don't risk it on Eric who's been rolling really well lately.
Eric: I would have put it— I would have had Brandon roll, but that's fine.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: It's totally up to him, Havana is over—
Brandon: That's not how statistics work!
Eric: Havana is o— is overwhelmed by the moment and cannot figure out a way to bring Umbi back in time.
Julia: I'll— I'll go down there and fucking give Havana some medical advice.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Can that be one of my next moves while Troy, like, fucking takes us out?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: If you want, yeah. If you—
Julia: I'm gonna go down there. I have a plus 6 to Medicine, let's fucking go.
Amanda: Yeah. Incredible.
Eric: I love it. I— I love this. You're like, "Havana should be done by now."
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You're like coming back and be like, "Where is my order? Where's my sandwich?"
Julia: No, Cammie wouldn't be so mean, because now she and Havana have rapport. Cammie goes down and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Havana, do you need a little bit of like moral support?
Eric (as Havana): I— I just— I—I don't know what's the best thing to do. I have my medical books, and I have the— I have religious books here and I— neither of them are telling me what to do.
Julia (as Cammie): Let me take a quick look.
Eric (as Havana): And—
Julia (as Cammie): Let me just take a quick look.
Eric (as Havana): —I just like— I know the point of having all this stuff was it would give you clarity, but it does not give me any clarity at all!
Brandon: Cammie walks in, totally scrubbed up with an apron and her hands in the air.
Eric: I lo— I love— it's like— it's like—
Amanda: Plague doctor mask.
Eric: A plague doctor mask, regular cooking apron.
Amanda: Oven mitts.
Eric: Clea— cleaning gloves.
Amanda: Oh, good. Yeah.
Julia: Cammie is like—
Julia (as Cammie): You know how sometimes, you know, when you're looking for something that someone asked for and you can't find it, but then they come over and they see it immediately? That's how I'm feeling right now.
Julia: And Cammie just points in the medical textbook and also with the Path book and like— is like—
Julia (as Cammie): If you just combine these two, you're good to go.
Julia: Because Cammie rolled a 18 plus 6 for a 24.
Amanda: Woaaah! Yes!
Eric: That's a success, but Julia, I'm gonna have to ask you, hey, what's the medical procedure you're supposed to do what— when a produce Greenfolk is impaled by something?
Julia: Take it out, stuff it with stuff, sew it back up.
Eric: Oh, put in— put in herbs and bread crumbs?
Julia: Yeah!
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: Yes, of course.
Julia (as Cammie): And when he bakes, he'll smell better next time.
Brandon: IV of fruit juice into the veins.
Eric: It is— it—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You use one of those— like the syringes, but it's— usually, you put broth in, but this is actually for blood.
Amanda: The turkey baster? Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: For blood, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You put a turkey baster in there?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah. Incredible. Umbi, you come back with 5 hit points, my man.
Amanda: Yay!
Brandon: Ayy!
Eric: As the sea glass is pulled from your midsection, you're stuffed with herbs and then sewn back up.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aaaaaah!
Julia (as Cammie): There's— there's nothing more healing than some herbs. Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Oh, thank you, thank you. Thank you.
Julia: And Cammie hands him a cup of tea, and then goes back upstairs.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm so weak.
Eric (as Havana): Wait, if you're— if you— wait, if you're so calm, are we done?
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Eric (as Havana): Aaaaah!
Eric: Alright. How many successes is that?
Amanda: Uh, six to two.
Eric: Six to two, baby.
Amanda: Alright, one Nat 20, Julia might be able to get this for us.
Julia: I can—
Eric: Here's the thing—
Julia: —I can still do insight which I have plus 6 to, and I can still do Nature, I think—
Amanda: Yep.
Julia: —which I have plus 4 to.
Eric: I'm gonna say Umbi needs to make at least one of these rolls.
Julia: I don't know about that.
Eric: Yeah, Umbi has to make at least one of these rolls because Brandon has only done one.
Brandon: Yeah, give me Arcana, because I have plus 6 to Arcana.
Julia: Alright, there we go.
Amanda: Do it.
Eric: What are you doing?
Amanda: So we're in motion, we are speeding down the channel. Hopefully, we have made it out from under the stadium by now. There's a whirlwind of stinky, stinky, still-wiggling rock grubs following the boat, and Harold and Sil have never been sailing better.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Brandon, remember the plan with the other barrel.
Amanda: Yes. So there's one— one open barrel of rock grubs whose contents are now in a whirlwind, and one closed barrel.
Brandon: I don't think that's gonna work, Julia.
Julia: Brandon, but what if we— 'cause you can shoot your bombs, right? That's the whole point of your position as gunner on the ship, right?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Correct.
Julia: What if we put the be— the plan, but then loaded the barrel into the cannon?
Eric: That's what I assumed you were going to do.
Julia: Yeah. Well, the plan was— now, we'll reveal it to you, Eric. We're gonna stuff a bunch of bombs into the barrel, and now we're gonna shoot it.
Brandon: Not to be a stickler of my own rules here, but bombs don't work that way. Like, I can't— I don't— because there's a timed bomb that I can get later, but I don't have it.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: Oh. That's fine.
Amanda: Totally fine.
Brandon: But what I can do, Julia, I think what I'm gonna do is fill this rock grub barrel with some serpent venom.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. What kind of serpent is it, Brandon?
Brandon: It's a vine— some sort of vine—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —serpent thing. What do we got? Iv— I—
Amanda: There is a—
Eric: Can I make a suggestion?
Brandon: I want to hear it. Yeah.
Eric: Kudzu cobra, for sure.
Brandon: Yeah, that's it.
Julia: Oh, I was gonna say it's a cottonmouth.
Brandon: Cottonmouth is also very good.
Eric: Cottonmouth? Now, Julia took less steps, therefore she got closest. She didn't go over.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: The Price is Right rules, baby.
Eric: Yeah, it's always— we're always playing Price is Right rules.
Amanda: Always. Always.
Brandon: Yeah. So it's the venom from a cottonmouth.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: And, yeah, I think if— Eric, if it's okay, I'll also toss it off the boat at the same time or shoot it off the boat the same time, but I don't know if that's two actions for one—
Eric: I think— yeah, we'll do that last. If you all succeed, you can just push the barrel off at the end.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Okay, so then I'm going to roll Arcana?
Eric: Yeah, what's— what is the skill related to your class that is bomb stuff or potion stuff?
Brandon: Intelligence.
Eric: Alright, if you're doing a potion thing, let's do Intelligence plus Proficiency.
Brandon: Great. So that is plus 6, anyway.
Julia: Come on, Brandon.
Eric: Well, I'm also looking for a 13 here.
Julia: Brandon, please.
Brandon: Let's just mete out this tension as long as we can.
Eric: Brandon, can you put in so much dramatic music while we’re waiting here.
Brandon: So much dramatic— right here is where I put— I've been holding on to the super dramatic cue that sounds like a fucking—
Amanda: Oh, really?
Brandon: —super pirate bullshit, this is what's happening.
Julia: Brandon, roll the fucking dice!
[Dramatic music]
Brandon: Guys, what do you think it was?
Julia: Oh, my God, Brandon.
Eric: Come on, tell us.
Amanda: Just tell us. I can't handle it.
Eric: Intel— okay. What's your intelligence and proficiency? What's that?
Brandon: Well, Eric, it doesn't matter because I got a Nat1.
[Music abruptly stops]
Julia: Jesus fucking Christ. I'm— I'm done. I'm— I gotta leave, hold on. [screams]
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Listen, guys, dice tell stories, and we're just the vessels for those stories.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Amanda: It was so close.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: If it had been a Nat20, that would have been it right there.
Julia: Ugh. Oh, boy.
Brandon: I was trying to stay knocked out. Julia was the one that brought me back to life.
Julia: I was trying to us another success in skill challenge!
Eric: Brandon, do not blame Julia for bringing you back to the game. Come on!
Julia: Next time, I'll just leave you down there, alright?
Eric: Hey, you know— you know I suck at Dungeons and Dragons, what are you doing?
Brandon: Yeah, we all know that I'm a bad roller.
Julia: You know what, Brandon? When you're down, there's no winning with you. “Oh, they healed the— the bad guy before you healed me. Oh, you brought me back too soon."
Amanda: You're right, Julia. You're right.
Julia: Jesus.
Eric: Alright. Brandon, make an Arcana Check for me.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Oh, boy.
Brandon: 12 plus 6 for 18.
Eric: For 18? Okay.
Julia: Oh, well, there's the fucking roll. Had to get that really shitty one out first.
Amanda: If you can.
Eric: The thing that I wanted to know was if Umbi, in his healing state, was a little groggy and maybe dropped a regular bomb inside— inside of the barrel and it exploded in your faces. Luckily, it didn't. Umbi did, in fact, pour the cottonmouth poison which, of course, ate through the bottom of the barrel and spills rock grubs all over the deck.
Julia: I can fix this.
Eric: That is three failures.
Julia: I can fix this. No, let me fix this.
Eric: The Skill Challenge is over.
Amanda: Ugh.
Eric: And everything stinks like rock grubs. All three of you are standing on the deck with Sil and Harold moving ar— moving around you. Havana also standing there nervous and just not—not helping at all. It's just almost— it's slow motion, you feel movement pulling and pulsating around you. And then you hear [explosion] as Small Key Stadium implodes. A shining beacon of pirate ingenuity destroyed at the hands—
Julia: At the tentacles.
Eric: —by— destroyed by the hands and tentacles of a malevolent rotten queen. It slides into the water, the sunset bouncing off of both the water and the sea glass, and lots, and lots, and lots of pirates screaming—
Eric (as Pirate): I'm not that good at swimming!
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. This episode is brought to you by Tiny Luxuries. Now, no, that's not a millennial jewelry brand. That is when your husband insists on buying some vanilla simple syrup for your cold brew, even though it's $4, which you think is too much because you're really going to enjoy it, and then, hey, we really enjoyed it. So thanks, Eric, and welcome to the mid-roll. Oh, so tasty. Welcome to our newest patrons, Tom, Pat, and Trey. Now, I don't know, Trey, if your name is really Trey or if you made your name Trey for us, but either way, you rock. And thank you three as well as the hundreds of you who support us on Patreon for helping make this show possible. We literally could not make this podcast without your support on Patreon. So if you are trying to prioritize supporting more independent creators this autumn, please consider giving us just 5 bucks a month or sign up right now for a whole year of Patreon support at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. 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[theme]
Brandon: Well, it's weird that this episode was only 60 minutes long, but here we are.
Amanda: Can we course correct and try to go start picking people up?
Eric: You can go back— yeah, for sure. So we are out of the Skill Challenge, you can do whatever you want.
Brandon: Yeah, that's what I was thinking too, Amanda.
Julia: I'm gonna go ahead and use Shape Water—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —to get the— the gunk off of the deck because I don't want this thing—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —trying to eat us, in the middle of—
Amanda: No, Julia.
Julia: —middle of the fucking ocean.
Amanda: Julia, sweep up the— the barrel, like whatever else is left and just fling it as far as the water can.
Julia: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Eric: Sure. Yeah. For sure. I like that. I do like the Fantasia-ness, the— the water—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —is like cleaning it up for you—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —while everyone is just looking in the wake of this devastation.
Brandon: Yeah. Umbi's just sort of frozen, like looking at the ground, just like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh. Ooh. Ohh.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, you clean up. I'll— I'll do a 10-4. Is that what a—
Julia (as Cammie): Already on it.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll do a 180.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, 10-4.
Eric (as Harold): 180.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, guys, come on. It’s rescue mission time.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda: And Troy is gonna start navigating the boat back toward the stadium and picking up whoever I can.
Eric (as Havana): Have we considered that the— that the sea monster is still there?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, it hopefully was following us and is now eating the snacks.
Julia: I feel like this is the first time we, like, truly failed at something in the show.
Amanda: I know. I feel bad.
Julia: Like, I feel awful.
Amanda: I feel guilty.
Brandon: I mean, at least it wasn't the Hold, you know? Or something like that.
Julia: Yeah, that would have been worse, but like—
Amanda: It’s still bad.
Julia: Now, we don't know where that key is. We don't know where Kid Cervantes is.
Amanda: Yeah, hopefully Kid saved it.
Julia: Yeah, hopefully.
Eric: As you pull a big U-ey back to the rubble of Small Key Stadium, Cammie, you noticed that there's more— that is— there's a fair amount of steam coming of, like, kind of around—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —around the rubble of the stadium, almost like the stadium has slid into some hot springs. And then you see the— the steam goes away, and a big shadow mix of— is coming towards you, and then takes a wide left towards where all the nasty snacks are.
Julia: Yeah, okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Ah, well, it's not over by the stadium, or what used to be the stadium anymore, so that's good, I guess.
Amanda (as Troy): We did what we could. Let's— let's go pick up some people.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright.
Amanda: Troy is going to turn the Sea Whip around and start recovery protocol.
Julia: Yeah, just have Harold, like, scoop people out of the water as we go by.
Amanda: Yep. Exactly. Sil and Harold give them a slimy little yoink up onto the deck.
Eric: Yes, please describe this to me. So was Harold attached to a rope?
Amanda: So I think Sil and Harold become twin trawling nets.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: They stretched themselves out—
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: —as wide and thin as they'll get, and then sweep up people, and funnel them up like every, you know, every few klicks, hmm?
Eric: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Flap the wings up to empty the net.
Julia: Every few nautical miles.
Amanda: Exactly, onto the deck.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And Cammie is handing out little paper cups of hot tea for everyone and being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Here you go. That was traumatic, wasn't it?
Eric (as Pirate): It was. I fell fro— from so high.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. But you're still alive.
Brandon: Hey, guys, more like Tiny Key Stadium, am I right?
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric (as Pirate): I'm gonna have so many more pegs after this.
Julia (as Cammie): What's a pirate without a peg?
Eric (as Pirate): I had one, now I'm gonna have three.
Amanda (as Troy): That’s cool, man.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Exciting new opportunities for you and your body.
Julia: And then Cammie— Cammie hands him a little Dr. Radish Radish's pamphlet that's like “So You Have Another Peg.”
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Dr. Radish Radish's Guide to Losing a Limb and Gaining More Pegs.
Julia: No, I think it should— yes. I think it should be Dr. Radish Radish's Guide to Gaining and Losing Limbs.
Eric: Sure, I like that. That's good. I'm sure that exist— I'm definitely sure that exists. Yeah, I think that you— as you pull up, you now see there is— it's just rubble everywhere, like a horseshoe of— of rubble in this channel off of Small Key Island. As people are pulling themselves up, they're running to their boats. A lot of boats are passing you, leaving from the main dock.
Julia: Do you think that we should find, like, Mayor Moonshine or something like that?
Amanda: Yeah. I think we should bring these people to, like, the front gate or the— like, whatever, if there's any like flatland, or the docks, or whatever. But, yeah, I think we should try to find them.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Do we see Kid Cervantes, Eric?
Eric: Great question. Yeah. Why don't— everyone, make a Perception Check of something you're looking for.
Amanda: Never making a check again.
Eric: Never make— never make a check again.
Julia: Never want to make a check again. You can’t make me roll dice.
Amanda: Alright, 16 flat.
Eric: 16?
Amanda: My best friend, the mayor.
Julia: 13.
Eric: 13?
Brandon: 11, total.
Eric: 16. Troy, you— you look up there, Kid Cervantes still standing up there. And now it's like, it's almost spooky—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —because now there's just, like, a platform that's—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —a 100 feet, even higher now. It's just like 200 feet off the ground, swaying in the wind. It is the cactus guy with—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —a big scarf standing there.
Amanda: No, no. So part of my Vehicle Proficiency is I can automatically find a safe place to dock the boat.
Eric: For sure.
Amanda: So I'm going to dock to let all the survivors off. Troy is going to turn to Cammie and say—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, can you— can you help me fly again?
Julia (as Cammie): Um, yes. Yes, I can.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool.
Julia (as Cammie): But then I gotta take a really long nap.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Amanda: Troy rips off his shirt and wing covers.
Julia: Beautiful.
Eric: Yeah. With a 13, Cammie you see that Mayor Moonshine, who is a older grasshopper with a big sash that says "I'm the mayor” on it—
Julia: Yep.
Eric: —is a hopping away back towards town.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, well.
Eric: And maybe— maybe Cammie, back towards the Upside Down Volcano.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Interesting. I'm not gonna chase after him.
Eric: You see, there's like a split in the road, and there's like a sign that says "To Town, To the Upside Down Side Volcano." And he's hopping, he immediately takes a hard right, and then hops up that path.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, he's going to go talk to the useless god. Okay.
Eric: Yeah. And with an 11, Umbi, you see from the deck that Archimedes Sevens is going up to Greenfolk running past him, being like—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Have you seen my— have you seen my ride? Have you seen my ride? Where's my ride? Have you seen my ship? It's very small, and it's very fast. Have you seen it? Is it under the rubble? Have you seen it? No?
Brandon: Oh no.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Have you seen my ride?
Amanda: Well, you can offer him a ride, Brandon.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Have you seen my ride?
Brandon: Poor little moth.
Amanda: That's so sad.
Julia: Comfort your sweet protege.
Amanda: Yeah. Brandon, go comfort him.
Julia: Brandon.
Brandon: I mean, honestly, Umbi is a little bit shellshocked still. I think he would—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I think he's just sort of just like in a— a stupor.
Julia: In fact, because Brandon's also shellshocked that he rolled that Nat1 or—
Brandon: I'm trying to be true to the character, you know?
Julia: Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough.
Eric: He's playing the character.
Amanda: Listen, two— one of those failures is mine, but we— we share responsibility here.
Eric: Hey, go ahead, fly up there.
Julia: Swift Flight on Troy.
Amanda: Beautiful. Troy will stretch out his wings, and for the second time in his life, second time in as many days, he's gonna fly on up to the platform where Kid is.
Eric (as Pirate): Oy, that’s what the Prince would do. Oy, look at the Prince, the prince is coming back.
Amanda: Troy does that pose where you, like, put one hand behind your head and, like, flex your— your bicep?
Eric (as Pirate): Oy, how did the— oy, how did the Prince know that the stadium was coming down and didn't have a problem?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, Prince is doing his rescue efforts and checking on this competitor over here.
Eric: I'm gonna roll—
Julia (as Cammie): I'm handing out free tea. Free tea for anyone who had a traumatic experience.
Eric: Alright. I'm gonna roll really quickly. No, I rolled a 2.
Amanda: Okay. Alright. Good.
Eric: And be like—
Eric (as Pirate): Oy, no, I believe in the monarchy, look at this free tea.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Here you go, it's Earl Grey.
Eric (as Pirate): Free hot bevs? Thank you. It's— this is solving all of my jimbly jamblies.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy is gonna fly up to Kid, and land right in front of him, and say—
Amanda (as Troy): I'm so glad you're okay. This is an amazing— did— did you see what happened? This creature attacked? It was the rock grubs? We were trying to lure them away, but then it— it didn't— it didn't work. I ju— I ju— is this— this feeling in my gut, it's like there's too many rock grubs. What is it?
Brandon: [sings] Kill him and take the key. Kill him and take the key. Kill him and take the key. Be a pirate.
Julia: It's still— we're still in competition is what I'm saying.
Eric: What I love— what I love about NPCs is like I'm gonna have an emotional moment and then Brandon is like, "Yeah, then I kill him later."
Julia: Yeah. Fuck em'.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: We all chose pirates, you know? We all did, it's all our fault.
Eric: That's fine. That's fine. Kid Cervantes kind of gestures around to everything, as if to say, "Yeah, I saw."
Amanda (as Troy): Great. So, how do you wanna do this?
Eric: Kid Cervantes is kind of—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, sorry, I forgot the— the thing, yeah.
Brandon: [whistles] Wah, wah, wah.
[Classic Western music plays]
Eric: 200 feet up, the— the sea air whipping through Troy's antennae and the spines all over Kid Cervantes just whipping in the wind. Kid Cervantes takes their water gun and points towards the Cloud Key.
Amanda (as Troy): So are you cool to— to say you won? The last competitor standing will grab the key, save your sibs, find the Salmon?
Eric: Kid Cervantes picks up the glass case that the Cloud Key is in, and puts it right in the middle of the dueling arena.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, that's cool. We can duel. Okay.
Amanda: And then Troy will hop over to the next platform.
Julia: He— hey, Amanda, how's your HP right now?
Amanda: Oh, 15. Enough.
Eric: Make— hey, make a Dexterity Check for me.
Julia: The confidence that you said that with. "15, that's enough. You know, I won't die."
Amanda: A 10.
Eric: 10? You instinctively put a hand out, and a pink juicy fruit has just landed with a squish in your hand, that Kid Cervantes has tossed you.
Julia (as Cammie): Eat it. He wants to heal you.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thanks, bud.
Amanda: Troy will pop it in his mouth.
Eric: You're up to full HP.
Amanda: Woah!
Julia: Yes! Spirit of competition!
Eric: Brandon, can I get some more Spaghetti Western sounds?
Brandon: [Hums Western Sound] Wah, wah, wah.
[Everyone makes Western desert noises]
Amanda: Brandon, go up to the crows, they can help you.
Brandon: I know, I know.
Eric: A tumbleweed—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —bounces on the arena and ke— keeps going. Alright, let's fucking do this.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. I mean, I think normally someone will count down, but I'm happy to do that for us and, like, I'll just— you know, I—I won't fire 'till after I say it, obviously.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] The final round of the Bullseye Games begins now!
Amanda (as Troy): You couldn't use your microphone and evacuate people?
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] I don't know what you're talking about.
Julia: Cut to the guy still in the booth and Cammie is there now and it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): [PA System] And I'm here too, for color commentary.
Amanda: Incredible. This is the Hunger Games commentary I've been waiting for.
Eric: Alright, let's roll Initiative.
Julia (as Cammie): [PA System] Go Troy Riptide! I'm incredibly biased.
Amanda: Well, okay. I rolled a 7.
Eric: I got a 10 on the dice, so I'm gonna go first. So, where we are— remember, we are outside of range, so all shots have disadvantage, except that Kid Cervantes does not have disadvantage when he shoots outside of his full range—
Julia: Of course not.
Eric: —so I'm just gonna give you a little— hey, does an 18 hit ya?
Amanda: It does.
Eric: It does, doesn't it? Please make a Constitution Saving Throw.
Amanda: [dice roll] That's a 5.
Eric: That's a—
Amanda: What are we doing?
Eric: That's gonna be bad.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: You have a reaction?
Amanda: I'm trying to decide whether to use my last Risk Die to extend my range or miss this damage. I'll wait.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Troy take 24 points of damage—
Amanda: Oh, sure.
Eric: —as you hear "pfmmp" and you look down at your stomach and there is a big cactus needle in the middle of your stomach.
Brandon: 24 points of damage?
Julia (as Cammie): [PA System] Oh no, Troy!
Eric: You're gonna have to overcome the wi— the terrible feeling of being shot through by a cactus needle in order for you not to have disadvantage. On the next time, you wouldn't have this advantage.
Amanda: No problem.
Brandon: It's weird that, like, Kid Cervantes' giant cactus needles, they're huge, but they're still just as hard to get out as regular old cactus needles.
Eric: That's the hard part.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's honestly the hard part.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Man.
Amanda (as Troy): This is fine.
Amanda: And Troy is gonna fire.
Eric: Alright, fire. Give it to me with disadvantage.
Amanda: Well, Eric, I'm gonna use my last die, my last Risk Die to do steady aim, which doubles my range.
Eric: Okay, no disadvantage, however, you still need to make that Constitution Saving Throw.
Amanda: Okay, I'll do that first. [dice roll] Alright. How's a 13?
Eric: That's fine.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: 13 is good.
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: Good job.
Amanda: So cancel out that disadvantage, study aimed away my normal long-range disadvantage, so now I'm just going to do crossbow shot.
Eric: Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): [PA system] It seems like Troy Riptide has been injured, but is rallying!
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA system] How did you even get here?
Julia (as Cammie): [PA system] Don't worry about it.
Amanda: Alright, Eric. Does a 13 hit, 8 plus 5?
Eric: A 13 does hit.
Brandon: Yay!
Julia: Yes! He's very good, but the pancho gives no armor.
Eric: Hey, you have two attacks, yeah?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yeah? Do— just do another roll. Let's do all the—
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: — damage together.
Julia: Alright, another 8 plus 5 for 13.
Eric: That's 13, that hits.
Brandon: Yay!
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: Yes, yes. Consistency, that's what we need.
Amanda: So that's a 4 plus 2, which I rolled 2 times, so it's 12 damage.
Eric: Alright.
Brandon: Noice.
Julia: Nice.
Eric: 12 points of damage.
Julia: Alright, alright.
Brandon: It's not 24, but you know, here we are.
Eric: Here we— here we are.
Brandon: How the fuck did he do 24 damage with one shot?
Eric: [dramatic Spaghetti Western sound]
Amanda: Alright. He has a good weapon.
Eric: Let's roll again.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Roll for Initiative. As your take your paces forward into regular range.
Brandon: Nice. So no disadvantage— automatic disadvantage now?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: [dice roll] A12.
Eric: I also have a 12, let's re-roll.
Julia: Roll off, roll off.
Amanda: Alright. Well, the first one was a 7.
Julia: You can do this.
Amanda: Next one, oh, a Nat20.
Eric: Alright, you go first.
Amanda: Yeah! Okay.
Julia: Save those for your attack rolls, but still.
Amanda: Yeah, right.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Okay, rolling again. [dice roll] Alright, so that's an 11 plus 5 for a 16 to hit.
Eric: That— that hits.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: And a second attack. [dice roll] A 5 plus 5 for 10 to hit.
Eric: Well, that does not hit.
Amanda: Alright, so one did.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: But now that I no longer have disadvantage on the roll, I can use my bonus action to reroll the attack roll.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Oh, sick.
Eric: To bounce.
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: Bounce that arrow.
Amanda: It's a ricochet, baby.
Julia: Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!
Amanda: My first arrow lands through— the second one goes wide. And through just a gust of, like, steamy wind, like the wind hit you in the face, and you're like— the arrow hits the bottom of the pedestal that Kid Cervantes is on, and hits him back again in the foot.
Eric: In the foot?
Amanda: It was out.
Julia: In the foot.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Well, that'll make his Dex checks harder, if it's in the foot.
Eric: In the foot.
Brandon: You gotta move forward with paces, you know?
Eric: Yeah, roll again.
Amanda: Yeah. [dice roll] Alright, it's a 14 plus 5, a 19 to hit.
Eric: Alright, that hits.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: So this attack only does half damage because it was on the Ricochet.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: But still.
Brandon: I do have to ask, Eric, this is not to negate Amanda's thought, but what is a cactus' foot? Is it his pot?
Eric: It's the— hey, Brandon, great question, and we'll talk about that at Behind The Party, which is after— after every episode, me, you, and Chris Hardwick talk about— talk about what happened in the last episode.
Amanda: No. No. What did I do to deserve this? Alright. So my first attack that was not halved, did 10 damage. And the second—
Eric: Great.
Amanda: —one that is halved, after the halved thing, does 4 damage.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: So 14.
Eric: That's 14.
Julia: Brandon, if you look in the chat, clearly it has a—
Brandon: You can just put a Digimon up there, Julia.
Julia: —it has a foot.
Eric: The cactus— the Digimon cactus has a foot.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Digimon rules.
Brandon: Oh, no. Eric did something.
Eric: Alright. The duel begins with a spray of water. Kid Cervantes fires a massive cactus needle right through Troy's midsection. Troy, you fire back and shoot two arrows that hit Kid Cervantes clean. Both of you wounded cowboys, gunslingers, step forward. Troy fires twice, one hits through the other. As people know Troy to do, Troy doesn't miss. He just hits the fun way.
Julia: That's true.
Amanda: Too true, too true.
Eric: And, Troy, you see Kid Cervantes tweak a dial on their water gun, moves his giant Southwestern-colored scarf out of the way to reveal kind of a cubbyhole inside of their body. You know how cactuses have, like, little things, right?
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Sure, yeah.
Julia: Sure.
Brandon: But it's still weird.
Eric: No, it's still weird. No, for sure. I just want to— for all of the arborealists out there, I just wanted to make sure it's there.
Amanda: Oh, sick man.
Eric: And inside of their little cubbyhole, they pulled the trigger. You see water shoots rapidly, like in quick automatic bursts.
Amanda: Into his own chest?
Eric: Up through his own head.
Julia: What?
Amanda (as Troy): Why would you do that?
Eric: And, Troy, you look up, and it's too late to move. As you are getting— from above, Troy Riptide is pelted by tiny cactus needles, and I rolled a Nat20.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, that was very cool. Ow.
Julia: We're getting our asses whooped this episode. Holy shit.
Brandon: We really are.
Eric: 23 times 2—
Julia: Oh, my God.
Eric: —is 46 damage.
Brandon: Oh, are we playing the rules where if you double your HP with one-- with a knockout, you die?
Amanda: I have 16 HP left.
Julia: Okay. You're still fucking alive. Amazing.
Amanda: No, no, no.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: I had 16 before I get hit, so I get 46 damage, it brings me to -30.
Julia: What's your total HP?
Amanda: I have 40 including Havana Tropicana's bonus, so it's a 34 plus 6.
Eric: 34? Oh, that's— oh, my God, that's so close.
Julia: Oh, my God.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: That— that does not— temporary hit points do not count here.
Amanda: So, what, I would have been dead if I had -34 or more?
Eric: Correct.
Amanda: Well, luckily, it's only -30.
Eric: And, Troy, you feel a moment where you feel every single cactus thorn riddled through your body as you fall backwards and are pinned to the ground.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] Winner, Kid Cervantes!
Eric: Cammie, as you look up, you look and you see on the other side of the dueling arena, you see a momentary flash of the American Southwest, and Kid Cervantes is gone. But there is a parchment tied up and stabbed into the ground with a big cactus thorn.
Julia: Fucker.
Eric: The Cloud Key is also gone.
Julia: Cammie is going to run over and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Let's see what he has to say.
Eric (as Kid Cervantes): Troy and his friends: You fought valiantly, but there can only be one great pirate sharpshooter on the Great Salt Sea. You can still call yourself that, but now you know. You'll hear from me when we're going under. Kid.
Julia: Heist! Heist! Heist! Heist! Heist!
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: And that is the end of the Bullseye Games Arc.
Brandon: Woo!
Amanda: Forever.
Eric: We'll see what happens next week.
Brandon: A triumphant conclusion.
Julia: Our worst job ever.
Amanda: It sure is the last Bullseye Games, guys, at Small Key Stadium, I'll tell you that much.
Julia: For now.
Eric: We gotta find a new venue. We certainly gotta.
Amanda: TBD!
Eric: Oh, my God.
Julia: Oh, boy.
[theme]