Yo ho, yo ho, privateer’s life for me / We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot / We kidnap and ravage (and we’re protected by a government commission and authorized for use in international conflict so) and don't give a hoot / yo ho, yo ho, privateer’s life for me
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Hey, everybody, Amanda here, CEO of Multitude, the podcast collective that this incredible show is a part of. And before we get started today, I want to tell you about something new that we are doing here at Multitude happening right now. It's the MultiCrew Drive. Now, Multitude exists because of the support of listeners like you. And the very best way of supporting Multitude is to join the MultiCrew, a membership program that lets you, our listeners, help fund new work from Multitude and get exclusive perks. So between now and October 1st, we are running the MultiCrew Drive. We will be highlighting the ways your support makes a difference and show off all the ways that we pay it back to you, our community. We are running a couple of very cool specials that are not going to happen any other time this year. If you join the MultiCrew by October 1st, you can get a brand new "This Mug Supports Conversational Podcasts That Bring People Together Mug," very, very cool. And if you are an annual member at any level, on October 1st, you will get your names inscribed forever on "The We Put 2023 on Our Back Plaque" which we will look at every day in the Multitude office. Some very cool stuff, check it all out at multicrew.club. To learn more about the MultiCrew Drive, stick around for the mid-roll in this episode where your host will tell you all of the best ways that you can join or visit multicrew.club to learn more about the drive. Alright, let's get the show started.
[theme]
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: The crew heads towards the Divine Labyrinth where another key is supposedly hidden. But the Boiling Reef roils and burns directly in the way. Luckily, Troy uses his newfound, ‘wow turns out I'm alive and not a dead prince, so I can use my prince’ powers to hail a Cragish Outpost on the outskirts of a hot, hot sea. They are greeted by Commander Abernathy Vineyard, who is a young fastidious hedge with a massive vine arm that he uses as his main appendage. I thought it was pretty neat. After recognizing Troy, learning that Umbi and his father knew each other and drank a lot of wine and maybe kissed, and just generally fascinated by Cammie, Commander Vineyard proposes a favor. How would they like to be privateers? Heist, heist, heist, heist, heist, heist. [deep breath] Heist, heist, heist, heist, heist, heist. Let's get the party started.
[theme ends]
Eric: Commander Vineyard leans over his desk, not pushing anything over because his desk is so clean, so there's a clear line for him to lead over his desk because—
Julia: Smart. It's good planning.
Eric: All he does is put things into pile so that if he had the chance to lean over a desk, he would. He leans over the desk and says—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): So would the three of you like to be privateers?
Julia (as Cammie): Is that like a contract thing that we can get out of at any time, or like is it a month-to-month lease situation, or like, what's the deal with that?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): You need to— yeah. So you need to give a security deposit ahead of time and then—
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I do not want to pay you.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm not paying you a broker's fee.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): And then you need to prove that you make 60— you make 60 times this job in order for you to get it.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, it's paid!
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, no, no. This is just for this. I mean, you— I was not expecting— you know, I have to— I'm gonna have to rearrange my schedule. I wasn't expecting that the Crown Prince was alive, and that a friend of my father's was here. And a—
Julia (as Cammie): And me, too.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —magical user have some indenem— an indeterminate origin would come here. We would— I mean, we could spend an hour or two hours figuring out the taxonomy of— and what— what I should properly call you, sorcerer, wizard?
Julia (as Cammie): Witch is good.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Witch?
Julia (as Cammie): Tea witch is good.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Tea witch. Interesting, interesting. So you received your magic— if I can look at my chart.
Eric: And he pulls a chart down of how all the magic goes to the people.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): So you received your magic from a curse from a more powerful magic user, either from ill inte— from ill intention, or just accidentally?
Julia (as Cammie): I guess so.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I'm getting distracted by charts. Hold on.
[chart re-rolling noise]
Amanda (as Troy): It happens to the best of us, man.
Amanda: And then Troy stabs a dagger into the middle of that beautiful desk.
Amanda (as Troy): Let's do it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, before we say yes, what is your policy on accidental casualties?
Julia (as Cammie): I was gonna say murder. Casualty is a much better word.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Interesting. We do ha— we do have a policy on it. I think—would you like me to go over what's happening or—
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): — are we just into it? Okay. Wonderful. Fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Turn me loose, I'm ready.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm into it.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay. Wonderful.
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry, I do need details. I don't want rules.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, no ru— well, there are some rules, in that there are policies that are currently enforced.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm sorry. Where we're from, we have a phrase for this. No rules, just right.
Julia (as Cammie): Out Back Steak House.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. If you want us to like adopt that for whatever reason, I mean, you're welcome too. But you know, anyway, just tell us what we got to know.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I know that you've only met for a short amount of time, but that goes against every single root in my being, so I—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I cannot. I— it needs— in fact, it is yes rules, just right. They're clearly delineated so that we understand each other.
Amanda (as Troy): Huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): It used to be— it used to be no rules, just right of the mound of sand, then you turn left—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): —after the disp— like the bar, but that got really unwieldy, so they cut it off.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): So what's this heist we're doing?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I don't understand this inside joke. I'll have to— I'll have to catch up on it before. So— hold on.
Eric: He reaches into a desk and pulls out like a sheaf of papers and starts writing on them, so regimented, like a typewriter, like one word, and then the next word, and the next word, the clearest handwriting you've ever seen.
Julia: Like his handwriting is a font? That's cool.
Eric: It's like that 20% mom handwriting—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —where it's like you are writing this too clear just so that you make sure that no one ruins your grocery list.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Eric: And he’s just tearing through the sheaf of papers.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Alright. The situation is in five hours our intelligence tells us that an Overstalk trading vessel is coming near the boi— is coming near the Boiling Reef to cut corners to get from one side of Verda Stello to the other. Now, this would— on the state— this would be understandable. Overstalk ships routinely cut through dangerous waters to get there faster, and also depending on where the moon and in the house, and what year— what time everyone was born in. I can't really figure that out.
Julia (as Cammie): And when Jupiter aligns with Mars. Right, right.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, that's just the bullshit we tell you to make you confused about when and where we're going. I'm just kidding. That's real.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. Umbi here is from Overstalk so he may have some good— some good knowledge.
Brandon (as Umbi): What up?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Well, that's what— I— we can't— we can't figure out how we track it, it's considering how they use the moon and how— how those things are going from one way or another. However, it seemed for— according to our intelligence, this looks a little bit stranger than just a reg— regular Overstalk trading vessel. From what we've been able to see, there are many more people on board than shou— than should be, although it is the usual—although is the usual longer— longer ship that you would— that we would under— that we would understand. Also, they— no one had— no one has pulled over every hour to pee, which we also found interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you—
Brandon (as Umbi): They pull over the boat to pee?
Julia (as Cammie): Do you all not just pee over the side?
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I do.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, we do. They—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, is Overstalk one of those places where you can only pee in a special little room, what is only for peeing?
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Huh. Well, that is weird. It's weird and it's weird they're not doing the weird thing. Good job, Commander.
Brandon (as Umbi): So you're saying there's like more crew complement than normal?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): There seems to be more people on board. Also, please do not— don't slap me up on the back while I'm writing this down. I'm still— I'm still trying to figure out— write out this writ. Of course, this is just a hunch and we can't do anything as official— as official Crags—as official kingdom of the Crags business, but we were— wanted something— we wanted someone to go over and check out what exactly is going on. Unfortunately, because of this interesting surprise for the three of you, here's the bad news. We've already hired out a pirate team to go investigate this. However, I am more than willing to send you three out as well, considering the wonderful fortuitousness that is having the three of you here.
Amanda (as Troy): Still alive.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Truly, wa— incredibly.
Eric: Writing— writing— writing and then turns the page over.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): If you could do this at the same time and also take care of them— and also take care of them, the other shi— the other crew.
Julia (as Cammie): May I ask who the other crew is?
Brandon (as Umbi): You're saying you want us to accidentally casualty them?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): However you—please don't say those things out loud. That is not my responsibility as administrator to know. Just however you do it— however you do it, is however you do it. If—
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): It turns out that they have their own into— we only found out later, we don't have the greatest intelligence here at— here.
Amanda (as Troy): It's— it's because I died, get it?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, not you. No, not you, Prince Troy. It seems that some of the people who gave us a reference had— had an interest in the— had an interest in the crew who was going out there. Turns out not only do they do freelance privateering, but they're also highly invested in the smuggling involved in this, because this ship is moving— is moving bolts and bolts of high-quality silk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): Spider silk?
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-oh.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, not— not— no, this is Overstalk silk. This is different.
Brandon (as Umbi): Worm silk.
Amanda (as Troy): Corn silk.
Julia (as Cammie): Ah. Silkworm, worm silk. Yes.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Beautiful— beautiful corn— corn worm silk. Exactly.
Julia (as Cammie): Ah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh.
Julia (as Cammie): Again, do we know the name of this crew or where— what title they're going by or—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We do. This is the High Roses Crew.
Julia (as Cammie): High Roses crew?
Julia: Can I roll a History Check on the High Roses Crew?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: [dice roll] That is an 18, 17 plus 1.
Eric: That's— that's a good roll—
Julia: Thank you.
Eric: —Julia. Yeah, the High Roses Crew, they probably should have looked into them, because they're mostly known as smugglers more than anything else.
Julia: Damn. Damn, bitch.
Eric: They seem to be accruing wealth for themselves and moving things on behalf of the various bodies that are involved in Verda Stello. The only real alliance is with themselves, considering how all of them wear a garment of pink to designate their alliance over anything. And it is, again— and they would rather die than remove said article of clothing.
Julia: Right, like Mean Girls.
Brandon: They would die for their dye?
Eric: Yes. Yes, that's a very—
Julia: God damn it, Brandon.
Eric: Hey, Brandon, that's a very good point because I— I hadn't thought of it before, and that's a really good point that you brought up.
Brandon: Julia, I'm sorry for cutting you off with my—
Julia: That's okay, buddy.
Brandon: —just perfect spot on, beautiful 10 out of 10 pun joke thing, wordplay.
Amanda: So the crew wears pink garments to signal their unity to each other?
Eric: Yes, correct.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yes, we— I've already— I've already flung the informant who made the recommendation. I should have known from the dark pink ascot that they were wearing the entire time, and that's on me. That's on me for not being out—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey.
Eric: For I— I— sometimes you have to delegate, and you don't make the right choice, and that's on me as a manager, as admi— as an administrator.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, I have hired people because of their fashions before. Sometimes it is not the right call. Usually, it is not, but I only just learned that.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I appreciate your empathy, Pri— Prince Troy. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Was that the Greenfolk that we saw fly over our head earlier, that you did an accidental casualty on?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, that was a different green— that was a different Greenfolk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Julia (as Cammie): There's a lot of flinging happening here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): You fling a good two, three people a day on the— on the— the outpost.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yeah. Headquarters— headquarters wants us to hit a quota and—
Brandon (as Umbi): This outpost sounds super fun.
Amanda (as Troy): It's like a bar and the breaking glasses quotient, like you just count on it. You know, it's just—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): — it's gotta happen.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let’s stay here.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): It's built— it's built in— it's built into our bu— it's built into our budgets.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Yup. Yeah, I bet your budgets are really neat.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Don't worry— don't worry— don't worry about it— don't worry about that, Prince Troy. It's fine. Don't worry. It's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia: Cammie leans into Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Are we gonna steal from here? This is what we're— they have a good budget? Wink.
Amanda (as Troy): No, I think he thought I was flirting, and then as I was saying it, I was like, "Am I flirting?"
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, oh, because— because butt-dget.
Amanda (as Troy): But it's not appropriate because I'm his prince. It's not— I'm not—
Julia (as Cammie): Gotcha. Butt-get.
Amanda (as Troy): No. No, not the budget. The actual budget.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): Come on.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon: Do Greenfolk call their butts buds? It's a bud-get?
Julia: Goddamn it, Brandon.
Amanda: I don't know.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): And finished.
Eric: As he ties up the— as he ties up the sheaf of papers and folds it delicately like when you first get a map that shows you the roads in the state of Montana.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): This is also for you if you end up getting into any trouble, you can use this as a writ of privateering, but please only use this in case of an emerge— in case of an emergency situation as you— you know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, we know the score.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, okay. Very quick question because I don't know politics, that's Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): What up?
Julia (as Cammie): If— if we— what up, Umbi? If we, as privateers for the Crags, attacked an official Overstalk vessel, is that a declaration of war?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Well, that's what I'm— that's why we're trying to make sure that this is only used in an emergency of course. Though, I think that if something rotten is going on in the state of the ship, it wouldn't be— that wouldn't be a problem in the first place.
Amanda (as Troy): Got it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Don't get caught and figure out what the hell is going on.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't tell people we're privateers.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Unless we’ve got to.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Exactly.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): There's a rew— of course there's a reward for you if you all come back. We have— we do have a shipment of an— we do have some extra amber rattling ar—
Brandon (as Umbi): I heard shipment of amber.
Julia (as Cammie): I heard of shipment as well.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That's not what it— and that's not what it is. We do have some extra amber rattling around for just this type of emergency. We're more than happy to give it to you. And of course, supply Prince Troy and his interesting and powerful friends upon his for— upon his further journey.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, what are you offering exactly? Is this negotiation thing, and the amount of amber I mean?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm sure a good three, four, five amber, no?
Brandon (as Umbi): Five amber.
Julia (as Cammie): I think— I think two amber per person.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'd say six amber.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I have four designated for this interaction. Unfortunately, I do not have more than that.
Julia (as Cammie): And the tip?
Brandon (as Umbi): That sounds fair. Deal!
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Good, good. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I would normally ask for rock grubs, but I think I'm never going to eat one again.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a long story.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Hmm. If— I can give you all four if you— if you achieve all the objectives. One, figure out what's on— what's going on with the ship. Two, get out of there without anyone knowing that you were hired by me. And three, deal with the High Roses Crew.
Julia (as Cammie): And ‘deal with’ just means like don't— don't let them know.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Again, as— as an— as— as a manager and administrator is not my job to look over what you are doing.
Julia (as Cammie): I just want— I just want to know what the end game for ‘deal with them’ means. You don't have to say kill them. I just want to know what you don't want them to do.
Brandon (as Umbi): If they were here now, would you fling them over the wall like you did that other guy?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Well, you know when you're working with contractors, it's kind of you get what you get and that's on— that's on me. I should have done a better evaluation using pirates list, pirate Angie's list. Because I looked at Craig's list before, but Craig, I had already flinged— I have already flinged away because—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —he would— he didn't give good information.
Brandon (as Umbi): I get it.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Well, what I— what I mean by deal with is that they should not come— they should not retur— they should not be able to return, saying that they successfully achieved the job upon which I hired them for.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Our intelligence indicates that the Overstalk ship which you can call— which you can call the Tradewind 3.
Julia (as Cammie): Tradewind 3.
Brandon (as Umbi): Tradewind 3.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Is coming as close as possible in four hours. I'm sorry that, unfortunately, this is kind of a rush job, but— so was the surprise of seeing— of seeing all of you here in the first place.
Julia (as Cammie): Sweet.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That's all the information that I told the High Roses Crew. They might have a jump on you because they were able to investigate this a few days ago. So just keep your wits about you, but I'm sure you'll be able to take care of it.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you have any ways that we can more easily navigate the Boiling Reef or any, like, items that'll make it less hot out there or that sort of thing?
Amanda (as Troy): Again, not a problem for me.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Again, I— I don't— this might be a cultural thing. I don't understand how it is hot for you. What is— I'm not sure what's con— for— it's just something I don't understand.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm from Overstalk, we get hot very easily. We're very old.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you have like a map of the steam geysers, what almost destroyed our ship, you know?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): It's not— it's coming in— they're coming on the outside of the Boiling Reef. You'll be— you'll still be able to navigate your way through. However, of course, you can choose to get over there however you— you can choose to get over there however you want. There is a— there is a sandbar that cuts through the Boiling Reef that you might be able to jump from, if you'd like to.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah-ha.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): But I— I will say that is something that I've told to the previous crew as well.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Got it. And how does the— how does the Tradewind know how to get through the reef without getting, like, blasted to smithereens?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Oh, they don't, but they'd rather make— they'd rather "make better time" than figure out the— than figure out the safest way.
Amanda (as Troy): Damn.
Brandon (as Umbi): Usually, Overstalk folks aren't really scared of death, so— you know.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Weird.
Brandon (as Umbi): They take risks.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): It's a real ‘you only live once in— in glory of pursuing knowledge— knowledge, wealth, and self-actualization’.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, this version of you only lives once, but--
Amanda (as Troy): YOLOIGPKWSA
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Thank you. I was hoping someone would say that.
Amanda (as Troy): As we always say.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Tight. Alright. I'm ready.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you have any, like, cool daggers, or rapiers, or maybe like a cool cannonball that I could borrow?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I assume—
Julia (as Cammie): Sick items.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I assume I would not have to provide equipment to the privateers I—
Brandon (as Umbi): So I have to bring my own laptop.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you have a merchant?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, I'd love to— to stock up on my— my arrows and stuff. Do y'all have an armory?
Julia (as Cammie): An armory, a merchant, someone I could buy fruit from.
Brandon (as Umbi): Some unwitting soldiers we could knock out and take equipment from.
Julia (as Cammie): I would love an apple.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We have— we certainly have that. If you would just like an apple, we could get you an apple.
Julia (as Cammie): I would love an apple.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Would you like green, yellow?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay. We can get you gree— a green apple.
Julia (as Cammie): Excellent.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay, for sure.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Unfo— I mean, this is— what— what exactly— I— I can tell you— what— what exactly are you looking for?
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool shit. Would— Is there just something I'm not saying guys? Can you— can you hear me say cool shit? Because I don't—
Julia (as Cammie): Cool shit.
Brandon (as Umbi): I can hear you say cool shit. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): It's not— maybe— okay. Because maybe it was me, but I—
Julia (as Cammie): I think the prince suggested an armory. I suggested a merchant.
Brandon (as Umbi): And I suggested—
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi said something.
Brandon (as Umbi): —a cool cannonball.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Unfortunately, we are still just an outpost out here on the great Salt Sea. We don't have—
Julia (as Cammie): You are a giant castle.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, everything's brand spanking new. There's no better arrows here than this stuff I've been carrying around?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We have more of the sa— again, it's more— it was more of an improvement plan put in— put in place. It was like a— an— a— a great Salt Sea growth plan put in place by a royal three peoples ago, and—
Amanda (as Troy): Ah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —we still just have the same basic things that are sent here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Old Gus the Gassy?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We— yeah, the ga— the gassy was actually the fact that he wanted to expand so quickly.
Julia (as Cammie): How—
Amanda (as Troy): Nice. Alright, we're just messing with you. That's alright. That's alright.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That wasn't a joke. That was his political—
Julia (as Cammie): He was a firefly.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —goals.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I'll tell you guys all about him later.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let me ask you this, when you talked and hired the High Roses crew, did you, like, get a sense— just of your own sort of powers of observation, did you get a sense of, like, they hate getting wet or, you know, aphids will eat their leaves, or anything like that? You know, just any weakness.
Amanda (as Troy): Hate being hot, that's our thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or— or anything they love that we can use to our advantage.
Amanda (as Troy): Love being hot.
Julia (as Cammie): Love pink.
Amanda (as Troy): Love pink, that's true.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): The thing that is the highest priority to them is each other more than anything else. So—
Amanda (as Troy): Ah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —it seems that they have a certain level of pride for as— also, pulling one over on me to— to take whatever is on— on the Tradewinds.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, cool.
Julia (as Cammie): So they definitely won't turn on each other. Got it.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Probably, no. It seems like they won't.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. I got a plan, guys. Let's— let's go.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, Commander, thanks. We're gonna go over there, get that boat, deal with that crew, figure out what's going on, and get back here without anybody knowing.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That's the plan? Certainly— I certainly hope that— that will ha— I certainly hope that will happen. I'm not someone to double-book a job like this, but it's— it's— the opportunity was just too— too interesting for everyone. This is— this is the high point of my— of my fortnight. What can I say?
Amanda (as Troy): Us, also, if you count the fortnight as starting yesterday.
Julia (as Cammie): We had a really good beach day the other day.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. No, it was great. It wouldn't be fair to count it on the same fortnight, you know?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, no. That— you count whenever— whenever— whenever it begins.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Cool.
Eric: We have a real reality show piece of B-roll, where we watch the sun go over—come over through the sky, real time-lapse of going from day to night.
Julia: Do we long rest?
Eric: No.
Julia: I'm just asking.
Eric: No, Julia.
Brandon: No.
Eric: No.
Julia: It seems like we long rested. It seems like time passed.
Eric: You probably be— you probably be doing stuff and preparing while you're doing that.
Julia: What if I long rest as a preparation?
Amanda: It’s only 4 hours.
Eric: I— I took— what if I nap instead?
Brandon: I mean, you can short rest, but I think we're all full up to HP, aren't we?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Well, I wanted to use Shapes and Omens again if that— that's fine. Gotcha.
Brandon: Oh, gosh.
Eric: No, Julia.
Brandon: No.
Eric: No.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, now I'm realizing that probably those Shapes and Omens were this large crew that is, like, part of a bigger thing.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): The High Roses.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi—
[Nonny bubbles affirmatively]
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, thank you, baby.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, have you ever heard of anything like this, like a boat with— with a lot of people in it, or a boat where like— it doesn't exactly look like a boat, but there's actually something inside it and you, like, present it to somebody, like, "Hey, I'm just a boat. Don't worry about me." And then they, like, let you in the walls of your city, and then they all go sleepy time, and then when they wake up, you have, like, sacked their city from the inside, just like— for example?
Brandon (as Umbi): A Trojan boat.
Amanda (as Troy): What's that?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, it's like a cool thing that you specifically could do.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, do you think they're, like, smuggling people?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Eric, can I roll a History Check and see if I know anything about this?
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, how'd you break that fourth wall again?
Eric: I don't think that you'd be able to figure it out from a History Check.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: This is just like— the thing that's weird is that there's more, like, guards and stuff on deck.
Brandon: Ah. Gotcha.
Eric: There's more like people, there’s— you know, there— there's only so many people that should run like a sailing merchant— or a merchant ship, because then you have to pay more people. So the more people you have on deck—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —the more people you have to pay eventually when you get there. So, there's like a bunch of people on— who's like standing on deck, which feels bad.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: To their intelligence.
Brandon: Have I heard anything, or heard of the Tradewind 3 before?
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is not— Everything that Vineyard said 100% checks out. Like, that's— yeah, they do all of that stuff. That is a trade route used to cut time off of going from Overstalk across the Great Salt Sea, a relatively new— no, it would be a relatively new one, obviously, because it's calibrated for a post-Cascade world.
Brandon: Sure.
Eric: But this certainly makes sense.
Brandon: So they’re just a generic merchant ship.
Eric: 100%. Yeah.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): So it's probably a lot more important than silk then if they got so many guards, no?
Brandon (as Umbi): Probably, yeah. Maybe they got a key on board or something.
Amanda (as Troy): Could be fun.
Julia (as Cammie): Could be fun. Could be interesting.
Amanda (as Troy): Love that.
Brandon (as Umbi): I got a couple ideas. A couple of thoughts.
Julia (as Cammie): Hit us.
Brandon (as Umbi): So we— I think we have a couple routes here. So one, I think Commander Vineyard is obviously trying to play us against these pirates.
Amanda (as Troy): That's one of the missions, we take care of them.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, but I'm sure he also told them to— you know, he's gonna— they're gonna take care of us. Like, you know, he's just playing us against each other. I— I— whatever. So a couple thoughts, one, if we truly just want to go and play the mission by the book, I could get some potion of water breathing, we could do a stealth mission onto their boat, you know? And try to take them out while they're, like, not paying attention. Or, second thought, we could try to join forces with them, do the mission, come back, attack the base, take all their amber and split it halfway.
Julia (as Cammie): But they only have four amber.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I think they're lying about that.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Why would he lie? I'm the prince.
Brandon (as Umbi): For lots of reasons. Third idea, this is a little bit wacky, but if we do a plan— if we try to play them against each other in that their greatest weakness is that they don't want to, like, lose each other, right? They don't want to be split. So, what we could do is, like, say that we're going to join forces, and, like, trying to come to a deal, and then, like, take some hostages and be like, "Stop this mission and we'll give you your people back." Right? Like use them as bargaining chips. I also have some— some sovereign glue— some sovereign glue that I could, like— you know, I can attach ourselves to the people and— and only I have the solvent unless you do what we say, you know?
Julia: That's funny.
Amanda: Damn.
Brandon (as Umbi): Those are just some ideas that came to mind.
Eric: I wonder if there's like a skill in the game of Dungeons and Dragons, where you can figure out if someone's telling the truth.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric: And figure out their vibes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Does that work if I'm not next to them anymore?
Eric: Yeah, because you could have done it earlier.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Can I roll an Insight Check?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I'll also say, Umbi, I love all those ideas. My only concern is because these people are so loyal to themselves, I don't think that they would be really willing to have other people join forces with them. They seem very insular.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's a good question.
Brandon: Eric, are they more— are they insular and that they would never want to work or hire with other people?
Julia: Don't trust outsiders.
Brandon: Or are they loyal, like they would do anything for their people, but they might also work with other people?
Eric: I need a History Check from somebody about that.
Julia: I'll do that.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: I did roll that one earlier.
Brandon: [dice roll] I got a 15 plus 3 for Insight.
Julia: I also rolled a 15 plus 1 for a 16.
Eric: Okay, wonderful. So, in regards to the vibes of Commander Vineyard, he wouldn't have extended this to you if you were not a friend of his father's and the not dead Crown Prince Troy.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: He's not trying to mess with you. He is very happy to give this to someone who he trusts much, much more.
Brandon: He actually truly wants us to succeed over the crew of High Roses?
Eric: Correct.
Amanda: That was my read, yeah.
Brandon: Cool. Great. That's good to know.
Eric: Yeah. 16. Let's see. I think it's a little squishy. I mean, most pirates don't necessarily want to work with each other. And I don't know— I'm not really sure that a group that brands themself together would trust someone else but, you know, money talks always.
Julia: How big is this crew? Like, is it big enough that, like, if we just put on pink clothing, we could be like, "Oh, we're new recruits from the other ship."?
Amanda: That's very cute.
Eric: I— well, we could find out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, here's option four, we could ask them to smuggle us somewhere and pretend that, you know— and then take them out from the inside.
Julia: Do we have things to smuggle?
Amanda (as Troy): I think that hostage idea is great. I don't know if I want them glued to me necessarily, but—
Julia (as Cammie): I would not like anyone glued to me.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I'll glue 'em all to me, then. I'll take one for the team.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. That won't be weird.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, then they could just, like, separate you and then run. But, anyway, yeah, no, I just— I mean, I think we—
Eric: Nonny giggles thinking about all these pirates glued to Umbi.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric: And then Nonny's like, "Do it, do it."
Julia: "Do it, do it."
[Nonny bubbles ‘do it’]
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): So option— whatever the one I said about double-crossing, off the table. Other options still on the table: Stealth mission, smuggle us, like we're hiring them mission, or hostage situation.
Julia (as Cammie): I think stealth mission can turn into hostage situation if need be.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Amanda (as Troy): That's what I always say. Start quiet, do hostage later if you gotta.
Julia (as Cammie): Right, if you get loud, hostages.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm. But I really love that idea, Cammie, of having something pink on us, just in case.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Julia: Can I go into someone's, like, room and find pink clothing? That I can just tear it up and give us each like a little like cravat or something like that?
Eric: Yeah. Okay. There definitely shouldn't be anything pink in this army base, but—
Julia: Someone has— just like a nice, like, blouse that they were on off-days.
Eric: Yeah, give me an Investigation Check.
Amanda: Yeah. Or white ones and we can find a nice, little salmonberry.
Julia: Oh, that was so good. Hold on. Investigation is only plus 1, but that is a Dirty 20, then.
Eric: Well, luckily, they're having a themed party tonight, so there's just— so every—
Julia (as Cammie): It's strawberry and cream themed.
Eric: Strawberry and cream-themed party, so there are plenty of pieces of pink clothing that you can grab.
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): I steal one.
Eric: Cool. What— what is— what's everyone piece of pink clothing?
Julia (as Cammie): Um, I think Cammie makes Umbi a nice cravat.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I was gonna say.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy gets, like, one of those, like, neck bandanas where it's like jauntily tied to the side.
Eric: Nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Damn.
Julia: And then Cammie, like, does a little, like, hair tie situa— like a scrunchie.
Amanda: Cute. Or like the band of her hat.
Julia: Yes. Also the band of the hat.
Eric: I like that. Okay.
Julia: I just like the idea of giving her a little, like, colonial man ponytail.
Amanda: No, that's great.
Eric: Sounds good. I like it.
Brandon: Hey, Eric.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Can you take your headphones off for a second? We got a plan.
Eric: Oh, the Heist begins.
Julia: Bye, Eric.
Eric: Bye.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. We are recording this mid-roll ahead of time because Yom Kippur happens the day before this episode comes out. So thank you in advance to all the people who have joined our Patreon in the last little while. We will absolutely thank you next time. If you would like to join and make sure your name is included in the next batch of thank yous, go to patreon.com/jointhepartypod where so many wonderful bonus things can be yours, like our bi-weekly party planning podcast, the patron-only Discord which is simply the best place on the internet, and all kinds of other goodies. That's patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, it is the MultiCrew Drive, where we are highlighting the way that listeners like you support what we do at Multitude. From now until October 1st, which is coming up in a few days, we are trying to add 100 new and upgrading members to the MultiCrew, which is of course, the membership program that lets you help fund new work from Multitude. Like the new member show, we are announcing very soon and all of the cool programs happening after that, plus get exclusive perks. Now if you are like, "Hey, Multitude, I think they're cool. It's a thumbs up. I want them to succeed." The best thing you can do to help us do that is join the MultiCrew. Especially, annual plans are super, super helpful. You get two months free by the way when you sign up for an annual plan, which is amazing, but you also get exclusive perks. So everybody, everybody who is an annual member on October 1st will get their names on a brand new "We Put 2023 on Our Back" plaque, which we will take lots of photos up and look at every single day in our office. And if you are a new member, if you join the MultiCrew between now and October 1st, or you are an existing member who upgrades your plan, either a higher tier or going from monthly to annual, you're also going to get a brand new "This Mug Supports Conversational Podcasts That Bring People Together" mug. It's amazing. I love the design. You're going to love it, too. Plus, we are donating a portion of any new revenue we raised this month to the North Brooklyn Angels, which is an organization providing free meals in the neighborhood where our studio is here in North Brooklyn. So what are you waiting for? Come on over. Go to multicrew.club and sign up before October 1st before the end of the day to get those amazing perks. Come on over, multicrew.club. We are sponsored this week by Elderwood Academy, which is a group of artists hand-making immersive and custom D&D accessories just for you. In a recent episode, Brandon held up his wonderful dice tower and we all went, "Ooh, and ahh." And you know what? Sure enough, that's from Elderwood Academy. It's so nice. I've been using the Pisces Dice tray, which is totally amazing and helps me lose my dice less often. Now, the things that you may know best from them are their hex chest dice boxes, and their spell book gaming box, which are both so beautiful, but they have been making all kinds of creative artistic gaming accessories since 2014. If you're listening to this podcast, you are part of the gaming community and Elderwood wants you to be happy in your gaming life. So they support the items that they make for life. Now, if you go to elderwoodacademy.com, which trust me you want to do, use code Join the Party for 10% off. That's elderwoodacademy.com, code Join the Party. Finally, the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, there are a lot of times, this morning in particular when I woke up at 4:30 in the morning, not— not needing to, just because my brain decided that was a perfect time to think about my life and all my choices, racing thoughts can really disrupt your day, disrupt your sleep, disrupt your life, and that absolutely sucks, but you're not alone in dealing with it. A, I definitely do, and B, you can use tools like therapy to help you figure out what's bothering you and how you can start to cope. Now, if you are thinking of starting therapy and you need a way that is online, that is more affordable than traditional therapy, that's convenient and flexible and suited to your schedule, try BetterHelp. Get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: On the moonlit sea, punctuated only by jets of scalding hot steam, the freighter, the SS Tradewinds, slides silently through the water, except for [makes exploding geyser noises]— I said that already. Because it's a podcast, so I have to say that. A spooky glow radiates from the deck of the Tradewinds, illuminating the deck in a weird, sort of like one fluorescent light bulb on sort of way and also lighting the sea ahead.
Brandon: Is it foggy?
Eric: It could be. Yeah, it is foggy.
Julia: It's a little foggy.
Brandon: I think it's foggy.
Eric: So that's why all I needed-- I mean, it's foggy. In the distance, you see the shadow of the Crag-ish Boiling Reef outposts. They turn to the right to avoid the sand and coral bar, jutting out to the left.
Amanda: Well, Eric, the sandbar may be a little bit more visible than usual, because I think from that one fluorescent light, they see some confusing and cheap-looking glinting coming off of the— the edge of the sandbar.
Julia: I don’t think we want to say that it's cheap-looking. I think it looks pretty nice.
Amanda: Upon closer examination, they're like, "Ah, maybe this is cheap." But there, of course, is Havana Tropicana, looking like a dried-out garni of blood orange for a cocktail, waving pathetically with many, many glinting rings on his fingers.
Julia: And Cammie is there as well, looking faint, hand to their head backwards like—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, I'm so faint. This is a terrible situation we found ourselves in.
Eric: Now, Julia, I have to ask, when— when you guys were planning this heist, was there a moment when Cammie was like, "Oh, wait. Havana shouldn't be there by himself."?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes. She's there to support her best friend, Havana Tropicana.
[flashback noise]
Eric (as Havana): Wait, so you want me to not to— you want me to get out there in a boat with all of this costume jewelry left here by Orello?
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): And just maybe get taken by another pirate crew and just be right in the middle of this whole situation?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, they won't be a pirate crew, Havana. They'll probably be merchants from Overstalk. I'm gonna be—
Eric (as Havana): No, the other pirate crew. The other one who’s there!
Julia (as Cammie): I will be there to protect you. Don't worry.
Eric (as Havana): You better!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Havana, you are not—
Julia (as Cammie): I will.
Amanda (as Troy): —just our male doctor, you are also the most pathetic-looking and most plausible, potential drowning victim we have.
Julia (as Cammie): And my best friend.
Eric (as Havana): Okay, I'm gonna pray on it, but if you're there, that's fine.
Julia (as Cammie): We'll walk this Path together, Havana.
Eric (as Havana): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie will do all the rowing.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, sounds good. Thank you, thank you.
[flash forward noise]
Eric: Cammie, the lights of the— there's like weird white, blue, fluorescent light. The edge of the glow comes close to your boat.
Eric (as Guard): Are you alright? What— what's going on?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, we've been stranded on the sandbar. Please, sir, can you help us?
Eric (as Guard): You're not able to take care of yourself? We're a little bit on a tight schedule.
Julia (as Cammie): No— sir, we wouldn't ask for help if we didn't need it.
Eric (as Havana): I'm so dry.
Julia (as Cammie): Our poor friend here, he's dehydrated. Look at his— his crystalline flesh.
Brandon: And let's cut over to the sandbank where Umbi says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, bottoms up.
Brandon: And he hands a potion of water breathing to Troy, as well as a potion of climbing.
Amanda (as Troy): Cheers, bruh.
Amanda: And Troy holding one between his pinky and ring finger, and one between his middle and index finger.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Swigs them both at the same time.
Julia: Incredible.
Brandon: As is Umbi, and they beautifully, flawlessly swan dive without making a single ripple into the ocean.
Julia: And with Nonny clasped around Troy's neck.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Incredible. Alright. Well, first of all, let's see how good that dive is. I need stealth checks from both y'all.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Alright.
Brandon: If it helps, we can actually just slowly descend to the water.
Eric: No, no, no. You would be doing stealth check anyway, it's fine.
Amanda: I'm afraid that was only a 6 from Troy. Julia, I'm getting rid of the mat.
Eric: A 6?
Amanda: Yup.
Julia: Get rid of the mat.
Brandon: I got a 10 plus 2 for 12.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Oh, boy.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Stealth is not our specialty, guys.
Amanda: No.
Brandon: But, you know, we have an —like an advantage— not advantage literally, but an advantage in that they're distracted by the boat.
Amanda: Yeah, we're— we're probably about 100 yards down the— the sandbank from where Cammie and Havana are.
Eric: Sure. I like it. Sploosh, as you— as you swim over.
Amanda: Somehow the pawpaw enters the water, you know, very, very lightly and Troy goes, "Ugh."
Brandon: It's all the muscles, you know, it's hard to aim them.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: You kept your wings out and you did like a belly flop, so it just slapped.
Amanda (as Troy): Shit, shit. Bigger target. I always say, bigger target.
Eric: Alright, Cammie, give me a Deception Roll, please.
Julia: That's a 14 plus 3 for a 17.
Eric: Ooh.
Eric (as Sailor): Okay. What— there's no other way for you to get— you sure— okay, I guess you sure do look pretty pathetic.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you.
Eric (as Sailor): We'll get some— yeah, we'll get some people down there for you. Just give us a second.
Eric: Give me a Perception Check while you're there.
Julia: [dice roll] That is another 14 plus 3 for a 17.
Amanda: Hey.
Eric: Okay, cool.
Brandon: Someone's dice are loaded.
Julia: Yeah, that's my dice. They're loaded. They're loaded full of sparkly, white clouds.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, Havana— Havana kind of like elbows you in the gut and says—
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm?
Eric (as Havana): Hey, do you see where that light is coming from? It's coming from their— it's coming from their heads.
Julia (as Cammie): From their heads?
Eric: You look up, and as your eyes start to adjust, you see that that like halogen light, that blue-white halogen light is coming from the head of the sailor who leaned over.
Julia: What kind of Greenfolk is this sailor?
Eric: This is a Greenfolk's piece of wheat.
Julia: Piece of wheat?
Brandon: Piece of wheat.
Eric: But you're only able to figure that out after your eyes adjust because the main thing that stands out is that the whole top of the sailor's head is sheared clean off. You can see their weird, green brain, and there's a little greenhouse, like a miniature glass greenhouse built around their brain with, like, white— white— white-blue halogen light dimly illuminating it.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Alright, Arcana check.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: What— what is this? Can I sniff the wind and see what kind of magic this is?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: I froze in real life. Oh, my God. That's terrifying and so cool.
Brandon: I want that.
Amanda: I rolled another fucking 14. Jesus Christ, it's 18.
Eric: Okay. Havana rolled worse than you. That's 18?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Well, there's certainly some magic. I think you're getting a lot of interference for keeping the brain out. There is obviously some like constant, like healing magic happening at the same time, and that's the prevailing smell.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So you're not getting a smell of magic off of the greenhouse or the light, but the, like, dominant scent you're getting is the fact that it's like there's something combined with some healing stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh. Interesting.
Julia: I'm going to telepathically communicate with Nonny to relay the information:
Julia (as Cammie): These people are weird.
[Nonny burbles ‘these people are weird’]
Brandon (as Umbi): Nonny. Shh, shh, shh.
Brandon: I don't know how I said that underwater.
Amanda: Right, I know.
Brandon: Just as Nonny articulates that message that neither Troy nor Umbi can understand.
Amanda: Troy just gives her a thumbs up.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: You guys kind of speak Nonny at this point.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: I think we maybe arrive at the ship.
Eric: These guys have beards? Sorry.
Amanda: Okay. Yeah.
Brandon: I think we arrived at the ship and start climbing up.
Eric: Sure. Where— where exactly do you want to— where do you want to scale it from?
Brandon: I would love to, like, pop my head above the water and see if there's any sort of, like, you know, like a hole in the hold where there would be a cannon there.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Or other kind of, like, opening where, like, probably somewhere no one is right now, but we can get— we can easily sneak in.
Amanda: A loading hatch.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: Yeah, the part where, like, the rudder is for maintenance with like a little door you can open, stuff like that.
Eric: Ooh, I like that. I think that you can also see— as you're swimming around, you also see that there are different— this glow is kind of, like, punctuated at different parts of the— it's a very long ship, right? It's a freighter, so it's mostly long and relatively skinny. So, like, as you're kind of moving along the side, you're seeing that, like, these lights are being punctuated in different places, and are moving a little bit, like moving around, like away, so you can kind of find— I like what you said about the rudder, that's interesting, if you want to go up the back.
Amanda: The butt, yeah.
Eric: You want to go up the butt, for sure.
Julia: They want to find out what the scuttlebutt is.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: Yeah, I love that. So, is there any light in that area, though?
Eric: No, no, no, you can go up because there's— the— the lights are—
Brandon: Great.
Eric: You can see the lights for sure.
Brandon: Great.
Amanda (as Troy): So, what the— you think the lights are— are like the— the guards and people and stuff?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, but you know, I want to stay in the darkness for as long as we can, 'til we know the scene.
Amanda (as Troy): Totally. Also, can I drink that potion every day? It's so cool to be underwater.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): It takes some time, but yeah, if you want.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): After every time we sleep.
Amanda (as Troy): Love it.
Eric: Sure, for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Wake and chug!
Eric: Give me another self-check.
Amanda: 14.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Pretty good.
Brandon: 8.
Julia: Come on.
Eric: So we've gotten 6, 8, 12, and 14?
Amanda: The Dream Team.
Julia: Why do I let you guys go anywhere?
Eric: Interesting. Interesting.
Amanda: 'Cause you also can't leave Havana alone. And there's only two of you with Nonny.
Brandon: We do have advantage on Athletics Checks that we make to climb things.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, no, you're able to— I'm— I'm gonna say you got it. If you break—
Brandon: Oh, great.
Eric: —I— I'm caring more about the stealth.
Brandon: Thank you.
Eric: You hop on. [thumping sound]
Amanda (as Troy): I forgot about being wet after you swim.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, it happens. Try this.
Brandon: And then Umbi goes— [shaking sound]
Amanda: Oh, nice.
Julia: And makes a loud noise while doing it.
Amanda: Troy puts a hand over Umbi's mouth and then copies him.
Brandon: That was his 8.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: That was— that was the eight, that was the eight, for sure. I think that you are now— you've tried to slip inside of the— like the rudder. There's is like a space for the engines and the rudder in the back, and you kind of climbed your way in and you hear—
Eric (as Guard): Hey, is someone there? Are you good? Are you drying off? Do you need a towel?
Amanda: Troy freezes.
Eric (as Guard): Hey, is someone there?
Brandon: Can we have Nonny like just, like, shlurp up like a sea creature and get in somehow?
Julia: Yeah. Send Nonny.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. What do you want to do?
Amanda: That's a great idea.
Brandon: I just, like, tap Nonny on the butt and be like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Uhh.
Brandon: Like, gesture my hand like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Uhh, go.
Eric: Yeah. What do you want— do you want— what do you want Nonny to do?
Julia: Nonny, like, shlurps around the corner like Scooby Doo style to see who's talking.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: Yeah, and just like, you know, it's not weird if a sea creature somehow got into the boat.
Amanda: True.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I love that idea.
Eric: For sure. Nonny looks over and there's a guard coming towards you with another glowing brain. Nonny now sees another brain exposed, greenhouse hat encompassing it.
Eric (as Guard): Hey, who is there? Is someone drying off? We're not supposed to be drying off. We gotta go.
Julia: Nonny, like, alerts them, being like, "Person coming, person coming."
[Nonny burbles]
Amanda: Yeah, I think Troy and Umbi should try to scurry very quietly around the edge of the ship toward the hold to see whatever is in there.
Julia: Should I have Nonny cast a spell to maybe keep that guy from— or slow that guy down perhaps?
Brandon: Well, my thought was that if Nonny goes out in front of the guy and—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: —lets him see Nonny, then Nonny's will just be like, "I'm an octopus."
Amanda: Can she do performance?
Julia: Can Nonny do performance?
Eric: Nonny can do performance.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: For sure. Yeah. Is it just want to be— you wanted to sound— yeah. I mean, do you would like to—
Amanda: Like, as if— Eric, you know the Pokemon show. It's when Magikarp thwurped into your rowboat, and you're like, "You don't belong here, Magikarp."
Brandon: Thank you. But no one would be like, "Oh, this Magikarp is trying to steal our secrets."
Amanda: An intruder, right.
Eric: Well, that's true.
Amanda: No, no.
Eric: Alright. Alright.
Amanda: That bitch can only splash Brandon. It can only splash.
Eric: Alright. What's Nonny's Charisma, Julia?
Julia: Can Nonny come out and then, like, do a little like wiggly dance and then Candy Blast right in front of the guy, so there's a bunch of candy?
Amanda: Great.
Brandon: Now, if a Magikarp did vomit Werther's Originals, that might be weird.
Amanda: Much better.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I'd be into that, honestly. I’d talk about it for years.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I’d talk about it for decades. I've written songs about it.
Julia: Eric, would that be alright?
Eric: Well, to what end? To what end?
Julia: One to— I don't know. Make this guy be like, "Well, it's worth—"
Eric: I was gonna give it to you. You're— you can just do the dance, you don't have to Candy Blast.
Julia: Okay. Well, I wanted to, like, distract him.
Amanda: Make him— yeah.
Eric: It's certainly distracting, for sure. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, you're right. I mean, the Charisma's not very high. That's the problem.
Eric: So you get a fish, it's like you open a door and then like, "Oh, no, there's a fish in there," and then fish is like, "Do you want some candy?"
Julia: And what happens is the fish— the fish vomits up Werther’s Originals.
Amanda: You know what, Eric? I'd forget why I was there in the first place. Make choices, he said, make bold choices.
Julia: The thing with Candy Blast is it also creates difficult terrain.
Eric: For sure.
Amanda: Hell yeah, dude.
Eric: Yeah. Okay, okay.
Amanda: So many Werther's, there's so many crinkly wrappers.
Brandon: So sticky.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. So, am I just gonna roll a Charisma?
Eric: Yeah, roll a Charisma Check.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: And the sound of the wrappers— of some— the sound of the wrappers will disguise our footsteps.
Amanda: Uh-huh. That's what I'm hoping.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Hmm. It's a 16 minus 3 for a 13.
Amanda: Great. Enough. Enough.
Eric: It's like—
Eric (as Guard): Alright. No. False alarm. There just seems to be some aquatic— aquatic creature that got back here and I'm gonna toss it out.
Eric: And then the guard picks Nonny up and like—
Eric (as Guard): Alright, I'm gonna throw you back the way you came.
Eric: And the guard is still coming towards the door.
Julia: She's gonna suction cup his face.
Eric: Okay, sure. Give me Attack Roll.
Julia: Yeah. It's a 12 plus 4 for a 16 to hit.
Eric: Oh, that hits, for sure. I'm going to try to combat that. No, I rolled a 4, so— so it can't— Nonny is now suction cupped to this guard space.
Julia: Cool. The target has now grappled.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Yeah, no, he’s definitely grappled.
Eric (as Guard): No, no, it's attacking me.
Julia: I want her directly over his eyes and— and the, like, dome that's—
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia: —on his brain
Eric: Sure. Absolutely.
Julia: Okay. Cool.
Eric: As Nonny— and Nonny is, like, zapping his brain.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: So the guard stumbles in to kind of this, like, outdoor engine room in which the two of you are standing and be like—
Eric (as Guard): Help! I’m getting attacked by an aquatic creature!
Amanda: As soon as Nonny poked her head around the corner, Umbi and Troy were booking it as quietly and quickly as they can out of that side room up the, like, side of the boat, like along the perimeter to try to get their way into the hold.
Eric: Cool. I like that. Give me another Stealth Check.
Brandon: I got a 14 plus two for 16.
Eric: 16.
Amanda: And good thing, guys, we are breaking our streak because I did get a Natural 1, which is an odd number.
Julia: Ooh, okay. That's exciting.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You got a Natural 1?
Amanda: Yup.
Brandon: Great. Excellent.
Julia: Maybe bring the mat back out. Maybe we didn't give the mat enough chance.
Amanda: You know, I'm just— I'm banishing this die. Goodbye.
Brandon: Can you do a ricochet on the Self Check?
Amanda: I cannot.
Eric: Natural 1.
Eric (as Guard): Okay. Okay. Okay.
Amanda: Yeah, I think as we go again, Umbi, pear-shaped lad that he is, is— is squeezing between barrels around stuff, stepping over like broomsticks that are, you know, rattling his way, and Troy just, like, is ping-ponging just between loud things, trips over a barrel, hits into a door.
Julia: Betrayed his own barrels.
Brandon: I know.
Amanda: Yeah. Steps on a rake, it smacks him in the nose. Something else falls over, breaks a window.
Eric: And then Troy stumbles backwards and hits a big, red glowing button in this engine room as you catch yourself and hustle after Umbi.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, sorry.
Eric: Oh, no, you don't know. Oh, you don't—Troy, you don't know you did that.
Amanda: Oh, alright.
Brandon: And there's no— it's a silent alarm? There's no—
Eric: Oh, you don't know what it is.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: We don't hear anything, Eric?
Eric: No, you don't hear anything. No, it doesn't go— [alarm sound]
Brandon: That's what I'm asking. Yeah.
Eric: No, no, no.
Amanda: Because I pictured the lighting all going red and strobe lights.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: No. No.
Amanda: Alright. Big red button, I think big red strobe light, but that's on me.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Up in the other direction, Cammie and Havana are getting help from the sailors. There's now three sailors with you, all of them have the spooky, dim fluorescent light radiating out of their brains encased by this little greenhouse. And they're pulling out like this big winch because they're like—
Eric (as Sailor): Alright, so the way we're gonna do— the way that we're going to do this, we're gonna pull you off the sandbar, and then you're gonna— just gonna be able to go on your way and just lea— just get ou— and then just get out of the way because we're kind of— we're— we're a little bit behind schedule.
Julia (as Cammie): Not to be rude, what's going on with your head? Because you— you understand that this is not something that everyone sees every day.
Eric (as Sailor): Excuse me, miss, can you clarify what you mean?
Julia (as Cammie): The giant light, and greenhouse, and your exposed brains?
Eric (as Sailor): Oh, well, that's pretty simple for me to explain. Well, the reason is—
Eric: And then, Cammie, the boat lurches forward, it grinds up on the sandbar next to you, and smashes into your tiny boat.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-oh.
Eric: Please make a Dexterity Saving Throw.
Julia: Oh, good, because I'm great at those, Eric.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Famously so. Can I use my Air Jorbans to dunk my way onto the sandbar?
Eric: Absolutely. Sure.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: The— the definition of a dunk is so funny to me.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Then make a Strength Saving throw then.
Julia: A 13 Minus 1.
Eric: For twe— for 12?
Julia: Wait, hold on. With the—the Corsair Jorbans—
Eric: You got— you got advantage.
Julia: Oh, I get advantage? Okay.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Sorry. [dice roll] Yeah, it's a 13 minus 1 for a 12, because the second roll was a Natural 1.
Amanda: Great.
Brandon: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Julia: Oh, oh, boy.
Amanda: Well, guys, think— think on the bright side. This time an entire stadium won't come crumbling down around us, killing hundreds.
Julia: Probably not. Probably not.
Eric: Probably not.
Julia: I don't like how many dice you just rolled. Fuck you.
Eric: Sorry, you almost got ran over by a big boat, so I think that—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —I think that was what happened.
Julia: Alright, bitch.
Eric: 11 points of damage, please, Cammie. To both Cammie and Havana—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —as a boat smashes their little dinghy that flings you back onto the sandbar, and you were sliced into by some of the coral and rocks on that sandbar.
Julia (as Cammie): Ow! Rude!
Eric (as Sailor): Hey, what was tha— hey, what was that? Who's messing with the engine?
Julia (as Cammie): Not me. I am here feeling faint. Oh, no.
Eric (as Sailor): You know, I'm sorry, miss, we have to deal with this. Please, it sounds like you don't have a problem anymore, because you don't even have a boat. We have to— we have to figure this out, I'm sorry.
Julia (as Cammie): I think we have more of a problem now without a boat.
Eric (as Sailors): Well, we can't help you now. I'm sorry, we have to go take care of this. Excuse me.
Julia (as Cammie): Please, bring us to habitable land.
Eric: And the sailors leave.
Amanda: Great…
Julia: Alright. I think Cammie is going to follow the sailors like an asshole, who was like—
Julia (as Cammie): Sir, I demand service right now.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, you want to—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —you want to climb up onto the boat?
Julia: Cammie would like to use Regency Self Possession to get what she wants. She would like to Karen it.
Eric: I— I like that you try to climb up just on the— on the front of the boat.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Cool. Cool.
Julia (as Cammie): Please, we're so desperate. Help us.
Eric: Make a Perception Check for me really quickly.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: You know Cammie's perceiving the hell out of the situation.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: 16 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: There's someone moving around in the— in the water behind you, farther on the sandbar and they're getting closer.
Julia: Do I spot pink in the distance?
Eric: Well, I rolled a 4, so I'd say so.
Julia: Oh, fuck. Okay. Cammie is going to get on deck and then immediately say—
Julia (as Cammie): Please, I'm so faint.
Julia: And then pass the fuck out.
Eric (as Havana): I'm al— I'm also so faint from doing one act— one activity.
Julia: And she's going to go into Nonny.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Disengage from this guy that she's grappling.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Dive off the boat.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: And then swim towards where the High Roses were spotted.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Yes, Julia.
Eric: Sounds good. Alright. Umbi and Troy, you're now shlurping your way down to the hold.
Brandon: Well, the— the boat lurches and Umbi manages to stabilize himself and it's like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa! What was that?
Brandon: And then Troy hits him in his back and they fall over.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I think it might be me.
Eric: Both of you take four points of damage because Troy's arrow actually— accidentally went into Umbi.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, man.
Eric: And Umbi—
Amanda (as Troy): I was always told that's the most embarrassing thing that could happen to an archer.
Brandon (as Umbi): Not in my butt again.
Eric: And Umbi's rough skin scraped off a bunch of your skin and like—
Amanda (as Troy): I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Brandon: Hey, excuse me, I have lotions, and salves, and old man ointments that makes my skin—
Eric: I don't know. I'm looking at this four and I think it's because of your skin. Incredible.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe, let's just figure out what's in the boat and get the hell out of here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, definitely.
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry.
Brandon: Is there any sort of indication about where the cargo hold might be or— yeah.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, because it's— this is a freighter, it's like mostly cargo hold, so there's like only one place to go.
Brandon: Great.
Eric: It's very much just like, yeah, you can find your way down there. There are two guards standing in front of the door that leads to the cargo hold. Again, most of them have their brains exposed. It's also dark down here, and the only light is being illuminated from their greenhouses. You also hear that there's a lot of movement happening above you and also like now coming down below, into the hold. Being like—
Eric (as Guards): Who turned on the engines? What engines? It didn't happen—it didn't happen in the main steering area, was there— did somebody hit the emergency move the boat button?
Brandon: So are they disoriented?
Eric: They're catching their footing after lurching forward.
Amanda: Brandon, I could shoot an arrow, the bomb arrow, like, to the side or out a window.
Brandon: That's what I'm thinking. I have a timed bomb, yeah. Is there an open port that we could do that?
Amanda: Or if I do the arrow, it can probably just pierce the side of the boat.
Brandon: Oh, that's interesting.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Since you're belowdecks, there's definitely— yeah, there will be—there's a window, but I think that would only like moment— that would not necessarily get them to move out of the way, but they would be distracted.
Brandon: Great.
Amanda: Good enough for us.
Brandon: That's all I think we need.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Cool, cool, cool.
Brandon: Yeah, I think I'm gonna load a timed demolition bomb onto an arrow that Troy has.
Amanda: Totally.
Brandon: And set it for, like, 6 seconds or whatever.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Amanda: Yeah. And Troy will knock that arrow and shoot it as far away as they can see, with the idea of making the guards turn away from where we are. So like if we are, you know, in front of them to the left, I want to shoot it behind them to the right.
Eric: Yeah, I think they're like around— you're appearing around the corner, and that— that's where the hold is and these two—two guards are standing there. Let me see how distracted they get. Yup, I rolled an ele— I rolled an 11. They go—
Eric (as Guard): Whoa! What was that? Explosion! Hold on, let me radio this in.
Eric: As one of them closes their eyes and puts their hands on their greenhouse as the other one is, like, looking out of a porthole and trying to see more of the explosion.
Amanda (as Troy): Go, go, go.
Amanda: Troy and Umbi are gonna run up— crouch run up behind them while they're distracted and hit them on the back of the head.
Brandon: Yeah, Umbi's got a— like a little cannonball, like a pet rock almost, but it's a cannonball.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
[flashback noise]
Eric: Back to the outpost, Commander Vineyard has his han— has, like, the bridge of his nose pinched and said—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay, I know that you— I said that there was just standard things, but that doesn't mean you need to come down to the kitchen and take all of the frying pans. That feels unnecessary.
[flash forward noise]
Amanda: And then Troy and Umbi look at each other like in Scooby Doo in 3, 2,1, and hit them on the back of the head.
Eric: Clang. Alright, give me Attack Rolls, please.
Amanda: [dice roll] That's another Natural 1.
Eric: Ooh.
Amanda: What the fuck is happening?
Julia: Amanda, what the fuck?
Amanda: I— I get two attacks, so I'm gonna miss on my first and try again on my second.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: [dice roll] Alright, that's an 8 to hit.
Brandon: You would say I'm not proficient in a frying pan, right?
Eric: I would say you're not proficient, no.
Brandon: Cool. Well, I got a 5 minus 1 for 4.
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: I don't— guys, I don't know.
Brandon: So that's it, Eric. What do we do? Well, that was the hit?
Julia: I just—
Amanda: These guards have an armor class of what, like 5, right?
Brandon: Can I get maybe advantage because they're distracted?
Eric: Yes, you can both get adva—yes, you guys can get—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: —advantage because— because you're distract— they're distracted.
Brandon: Well, that's a Natural 20, baby.
Amanda: Wow!
Julia: Fuck yeah. Umbi hits both of them at the same time.
Amanda: And I got an 11 plus 3 for a 14 to hit.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Alright. Let me che— let me check. I should have given you an advantage before, but I'm glad— I'm glad we were like, "Oops. Oops, what's happening?"
Brandon: Oops. Uh-oh.
Eric: Oops. Whoops. Yup. Okay. Yeah, the armor class you're looking for is 12. Bang, bang, clang.
Brandon: And I assume with my Natural 20, they're knocked out, right?
Eric: Hell yeah. Those— those dudes are knocked out. You actually hear crash, crash as you destroy the greenhouse, encapsulating both of their brains.
Amanda: Ugh.
Brandon: Doesn't hurt them? Doesn't it, like, kill them?
Amanda: Uh-oh.
Brandon: I— I wanted to do nonlethal damage.
Eric: Oh, it was a nonlethal frying pan, for sure.
Amanda: Yeah, just a little knock ‘em out.
Eric: With— with a Natural 20, you also hear clang, clang, clang, clang as you see that there is a key that skitters in front of you.
Amanda: Hey.
Brandon: I grab that key and I throw it in the door.
Eric: And then it bounces off the door and falls back on the ground.
Brandon: Okay. Now, I inserted it in the lock.
Eric: Okay, one moment.
Amanda: Ah, better, better.
Julia: Ah, got him.
Amanda: Troy tapped his temples.
Julia: Smart.
Eric: Okay. The key goes into the lock.
Brandon: And I turn it, Eric.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: And then I turn it, and then I try the handle, and I slowly open the door.
Eric: As you slowly open the door, you hear waves lapping against the sandbank. You just see out the back of the boat.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Is this—
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't—
Amanda: Troy sticks his hand forward. Is it a mirror?
Eric: No, you— your hand is fully through the back of the boat.
Julia: Is this where the back of the boat should be?
Eric: Yes, this is where the back of the boat should be. A 100%.
Julia: Yeah, it's not just like a fucking, like, weird portal thing?
Eric: No, this is the back of the boat.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Is the back of the boat on the sandbank?
Eric: Well, it's not moving—no, it's like hanging out into the water, but it's not moving because the boat’s not moving, because the boat is stuck on the sandbank.
Julia: Why would they lock a door to the back of the boat?
Brandon: But sorry, is there more boat that is broken off of the boat?
Eric: No.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: No, it is just— you're looking out onto the cool, hot [geyser noise] waves of the Boiling Reefs.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, should we dive in, I guess? I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): Do we get turned around?
Eric: Back on the deck, Cammie, what's go— you flopped. Now, what—what would you like to happen?
Julia: I don't know what's going on the deck because Cammie is fully seeing and hearing through the eyes of Nonny right now.
Amanda: Yeah, she is.
Eric: Oh, yeah, give me a Perception Check. I got you.
Julia: Okay. [dice roll] My perception is plus 2, so that is going to be a Dirty 20 for Nonny.
Eric: Wonderful. Nonny shlurps up onto the sand bank and sees three figures that are pulling into, like, official uniforms that say Sea Police on them.
Julia: And did they have, like, a boat or something that they're—
Eric: Yeah, there's like a small motor, but— there's like on the other side of the sandbank, there's like a small motor boat. You can also see that they like— one of them has, like, a pink undershirt that's underneath— underneath their uniform. Another one is like stuffing socks, like, into the pants and another one, like, is taking off like a bunch of pink jewelry and shoving it in their pocket.
Julia: Okay, what I would like to do is I'd like to have Nonny go back into the water.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: And I would like Nonny to approach the back of their motorboat.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: And through Nonny, I am going to cast Rusting Grasp on the motor.
Amanda: Yes, Julia! Work!
Brandon: That's awesome. Tell me about Rusting Grasp spell.
Eric: Tell me about Rusting Grasp, please.
Julia: When targeting a non-magical metal object not worn or carried, you can corrode and destroy parts of the object you choose that can fit within a one-foot cube.
Brandon: I feel like Julia just made this up.
Amanda: I know, but—
Julia: No, baby, this is a Valda's Spire of Secrets original.
Eric: Thanks, Valda's. Thank you, Valda’s.
Julia: Thanks, Valda's.
Amanda: Thanks.
Julia: It is a third level spells, so it's pretty high in my spell list, but—
Eric: Let me do a quick check to see if anyone notices.
Julia: Can I have her stealth? Because she has high stealth.
Eric: Yeah, roll Stealth Check against it.
Julia: [dice roll] That is a 12 plus 4 for a 16.
Eric: Wonderful. I got an 8. No one notices as— as this little octopus puts her tentacles on the engine of this motorboat and then it just like instantly becomes something that's $5 on Antiques Roadshow.
Julia: Yeah, it just completely destroys the middle part where the engine part would be.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: It's not going to run.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: ---Is my intention.
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. And then you hear—
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Alright. So the thing is we're sea police and we're telling them that we have to inspect under— we have to expect their cargo for illegal things.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #2): Oh, well, what if they're— what if they— they try to attack us?
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Well, then, obviously, we'll pull out our guns and take care of it.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #3): I think that's a really good idea. You're so smart and I'm glad that we're all in a polycule together.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #2): I know. I really trust all of you and I like having sex individually with all of your faces and genitals.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Can we not talk about this? We're on the job, please.
Brandon: Julia, Amanda, nobody talk, let Er— let Eric cook.
Julia: Keep going, Eric. Keep going.
Eric: And then they, like, high step their way through the water over where the boat has run aground.
Julia: I think I'm gonna, like, give Nonny the task of following these people to the boat.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: And then Cammie is going to come back on the deck of the boat and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, that was so— I didn't know what came over me.
Eric: And then Cammie you hear bang, bang, bang on the side of the ship and be like—
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Alright. What's all this, then? What's this— what's the ship doing ground up against the side of the sandbar? We're the sea police and we got to look at your things.
Julia: Cammie's going to turn around and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): But the sea police don't patrol around here. I think you're imposters.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: Ooh. Smart.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: But like—
Amanda: This is great. I love this.
Julia (as Cammie): Clearly they're saboteurs, they must have been the ones that hit the button.
Eric: Make a Charisma Roll for me—for me.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: I'll give you advantage because that was very funny.
Amanda: Is this—
Julia: Great.
Amanda: —for inspiration?
Julia: [dice roll] That's a 15 plus 3.
Eric: A few of the— the sailors come on and be like—
Eric (as Sailor): Hey, yeah, you shouldn't be patrolling this way. That's why we go this way, so the sea police don't look at our stuff. Hey!
Brandon: Hey!
Eric (as Sailor): Hey, let me— let me see—
Amanda: Hey, yeah, wait a minute.
Eric (as Sailor): —let me see your badges.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Alright, then. Let me just come on the ship for us to figure this out.
Eric: You then— then you hear a clang as they throw the grapp—a grappling hook up.
Julia (as Cammie): You shouldn't let them on the boat.
Eric (as Sailor): Hold on, they might be sea police.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think that they are. The sea police don't come around here.
Julia: I don't know why Cammie all of a sudden sounds like Dorothy, but--
Amanda: It's incredible.
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #2): Too late, we're already on board.
Eric: As the three sea police throw their uniforms as quickly as possible off and were like—
Eric (as High Rose Pirate Member #3): Hey, we're the— hey, we're the High Rose Pirates and we're taking all of your stuff. Reach for the sky.
Eric: As they all take out guns.
Amanda: What can Umbi and Troy see from the back of the boat?
Eric: Oh, nothing.
Amanda: Do we see any of this?
Eric: Nothing. You are hearing that there is a commotion above you, and that's the perfect time to go back to you, as Umbi and Troy are looking out— out of the back of the boat.
Brandon: I would like to go back to the guard that we knocked out, one of the guards that we knocked out and investigate their brain.
Eric: Okay, sure. Yeah, medicine.
Brandon: And— and, you know, while I'm there, just check their pockets and all the stuff just to make sure/
Julia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.
Eric: With a Nat 20 I would say everything fell out of their pockets.
Julia: Excellent. We love to see it.
Brandon: But, yeah, I also want to do an investigation or nature or something to see if I can discern anything from this brain situation.
Eric: Arcana medicine, what I would say.
Brandon: Let's do Arcana then, because I have high Arcana.
Eric and Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Nope, Brandon didn't roll well again.
Brandon: I got a 6 plus 6 for 12.
Julia: Hey, that's not bad.
Eric: 12.
Amanda: It's upper half.
Eric: Yeah. Anything you were able to suss out, I think because you shattered the greenhouse, it's kind of like you broke the magic item.
Brandon: Did we shatter them both?
Eric: Yeah, you shattered them both. So I think that with a 12, it's like, "Well, this thing was doing something." Their brain seems to be okay, and they definitely seem to be alive still, but anything you're able to like foretell necessarily is where—it— this— truly is their brains exposed. I'm sure you've seen a brain before, and it's like this weird like— this weird, wrinkly, like you— you're seeing all the— the— I think it looks like a human brain, but it's green. That's me in my head. That's what I'm thinking.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Eric, I don't want to no but you, but what if it's like a tangle of thickets?
Eric: I was thinking that, but then I decided it was funnier if it was just brain.
Brandon: Yeah, it's true.
Eric: Like I— that was my first thought, but I think that it's green— it's just brain but green.
Brandon: Yeah, I like that.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Every Greenfolk has brain but green.
Eric: Every Greenfolk has brain but green.
Brandon: Now, guys, I have a perfect plan. What if I throw a bomb on the ceiling and try to burst a hole?
Amanda: Brandon, that's a great idea. No notes.
Julia: I have some notes.
Brandon: I have no idea what to do next, Amanda. What do you think?
Amanda: Yeah. I think we just run through the boat until we find what's inside, or we go above decks, if we hear commotion.
Brandon: Yeah. Is there anything else on this level or should we just— Eric, or should we just go upstairs and help?
Eric: I want—
Amanda: I'm just— I'm really confused on how we got to the back of the boat when we were— when we were running through the engine room toward the middle of the boat.
Eric: If you want a clue, both of you Venmo me $5 right now.
Brandon: No.
Amanda: No.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: I think you should do it.
Brandon: I mean, look, here— wait— okay. Here's the plan. Is it true, Eric, that if we were to visually inspect the boat, that door would be somewhere near the middle or the middle third, or the middle two-thirds of the boat? Or would it be literally at the back of the boat?
Eric: If you all want to make a roll to ask a question, that sounds great.
Brandon: Okay, what roll should I do there?
Eric: Yeah, make a perception check or investigation check.
Brandon: Okay. They're both +3 for me.
Amanda: I do have proficiency with— with vehicles. Can I have a, like, investigation roll with advantage to see the layout of this boat?
Eric: Sure. Give me some Perception Checks.
Brandon: Yeah, please do, because I got a Natural 1.
Eric: Your finger is in the brain of the guy.
Julia: Gross.
Eric: You were on the guy— it's like, "I like how it feels. It's weird."
Amanda: With advantage, it's only a 6. I don't know what's happening. It's a—
Eric: A six? This is— I would— to answer Brandon's question, I will say yes. There should be more boat, but there is not. You're just looking out the back of the boat.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: So here's a thought.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Brandon: We can split up, one of us could go help out on top, and one of us could just, like, run full bore into this door, and see what happens.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. We have climbing and— and water, let's just hold hands and jump. That's fine.
Brandon: Yeah. Do you want to— do you want one of us want to go up and help out Cammie, though, or—
Julia: I got it.
Amanda: I think we wouldn't know what's happening up there, all we hear is commotion, and I— I don't know if we would know that that's different from the commotion we heard before.
Brandon: That's true. True.
Amanda: I think that's great, and we should just jump.
Eric: You're just gonna jump?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Umbi slowly takes Troy's hand, and looks him in the eyes, and says—
Brandon (as Umbi): If we die— well, I was gonna say, you can have my stuff, but you'll be dead too. Let's go!
Amanda (as Troy): Wooo!
Julia: I thought you were gonna say, "We die together”, but— you know?
Eric: Incredible. Plea— make an Athletics Check.
Amanda: Finally something that I have proficiency in.
Brandon: Does— is it for climbing?
Eric: No. No, no, no. It's for jumping.
Amanda: 8 plus 4, a 12.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: 10 plus 2 for 12.
Eric: For 12? Okay.
Amanda: Ooh, twins.
Brandon: Twins.
Eric: Your hands clasped with each other's—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: Your fingers intertwined, hands clasped, you take a big running start.
Brandon (as Umbi): 1,2,3.
Amanda (as Troy): 1,2,3.
Eric: As you run and jump through the door, Cammie back above is like—
Eric (as High Rose Crew Member #1): Alright, reach for the sky.
Eric: And be, like— all of the sailors up there, like 10 people in unison say—
Eric (as Sailors): I don't think I'm going to do that.
Eric: And then you hear [mechanical noises]— and out of the greenhouse, big fans come out, just the size of everyone's heads and then it goes— [blows air] and I need all of you on that side of the boat, the High Rose Pirates, Cammie and Havana, the big Strength Saving Throws.
Brandon: Woof.
Julia: That's a Natural 20 minus 1.
Brandon: Woof.
Eric: Incredible.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: Give me two seconds.
Brandon: He's got 18,000 dice to roll.
Amanda: Brandon, I was gonna say earlier that it's— it's humbling that Julia's familiar is a more competent D&D player than me, and then— and then Julia pulled out that spell and I'm like, "Yeah, it's just— it is what it is. And I know what I'm about."
Julia: I just know how to use the things that I've given my character, you know?
Amanda: I love it.
Julia: That's—that's what it is at the end of the day, is like, know the tools you're using.
Amanda: He’s rolling so much.
Eric: Okay. The wind immediately rushes past you, all of you. Everyone on that side of the boat stumbles back and tries to grab your feet. With a Nat 20, Cammie, how do you stabilize yourself?
Julia: Cammie just, like, stretches her arms out like she's a Ghibli movie character and it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Ahh.
Eric: And then you hear—
Eric (as High Rose Pirates): Whoa!
Eric: As two of the High Rose pirates fly over the side of the boat, and so does—
Eric (as Havana): Remember me, Havana!
Eric: As he flies off the side of the boat—
Julia: He'll be fine, it's not— he's— there's a sandbar there. He'll be alright.
Eric: And one of the High Rose pirates is clinging to the railing on the bow of the ship. And then you hear [mechanical engine noises] as the freighter backs up off of the sandbar. And back to Umbi and Troy, you jump clear out of the back of the boat, but just far enough that you don't get run over by the Tradewinds as it backs up and tries to escape out into the Boiling Reef. Over the gusting wind, you hear the collective voice of all the sailors say—
Eric (as Collective Sailor): It doesn't seem like anyone here is who they say they are. Let's start with you.
Julia (as Cammie): What's up?
[theme]