Camp-Paign

16. The Battle I

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #246-01: staff members should strongly encourage all campers to participate in their age group’s summer musical. Regardless if they are pop-u-lar or need to be more chill, this is the perfect opportunity for campers to go the distance, let the sunshine in, and become one singular sensation.

Rule #256-02: you must have a driver’s license to drive the surrey with the fringe on top.

15. The Errands II

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #1041: Although it is easy and understandable that staff members may misplace personal items, it is tantamount that we keep our eyes on our things. You never know if your misplaced keychain could become the final piece of a magical doomsday device or integrated into a part-organic, part-inorganic beast that lives under our very feet.

10. The Puzzle I

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #103: The best way to get campers enthusiastic about an activity is if you’re enthusiastic about it! If you want your campers to jump in the Water Hole, challenge them to a cannonball contest. If you want them to learn more about ritual sacrifices, run into the woods and help wrangle a calf as white as snow. If the camp lines up a special activity, you should be the first ones in line to try it!

8. The Stakeout I

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #91: If you have a medical emergency, contact and report to the nurses’ office. You may be saying, “What do you mean? There hasn’t been a nurse here for forty years!” And I am saying, that’s preposterous, it’s right over there. Why are you wiggling your fingers like that and moaning “OooOoOOOoOOOOOOooOo?” Jeremy, go to the nurse and get an ACE bandage.