52. House Party III

The party makes their way into the Council’s stronghold. It is easy and there are no problems at all. Inara boops. Tracey makes a mess. Chad is definitely a human who can run and hug.


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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

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Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.

After each episode we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play Dungeons & Dragons and other roleplaying games at home. We also have the Punchbowl, an interview series with people pushing D&D forward creatively, communally and socially. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.


Amanda: Last time, on Join the Party…

Eric: Once the Doove and Boosters has been compromised, we kick into emergency protocol. Inara and Tracey have a heart to heart about his decision to work with the Council of Bright, and Inara stands by her warforged friend. Some aren’t as forgiving though.

Brandon (as Tracey): Honestly, I deserved it. Autumn, like, maybe not with blades? Like you want some punches, like is that helpful for you? Whatever, whatever will make you feel better.

Eric: As the resistance tries to figure out what’s next, Chad finds an old children’s rhyme that reveals the power of the five prophetic items. Franny, in a compromised, grandmotherly state from a lack of Undying Light juice, explains that the five items need to be re-assembled to put the Council back in the Astral prison where he emerged. Inara and Tracey make plans to storm his newly built fortress where the Capital Building once stood. But not without some friends:

Amanda: I um, think I would choose Chad, Brinks, and Alex.

Brandon: That’s our crew!

Amanda: Lock and load!

Eric: The new party scopes out the Council’s stronghold, uncovering a secret service door in the back. As they wonder aloud where the items could be, Tracey’s arms start pointing wildly at the fortress, as if the energy of the items are working through him. What do we do now?

Amanda (as Inara): We’ll take it in turns to stand watch and we storm a castle at dawn.

Eric: You heard Inara! It’s time to take them by surprise. Let’s get the party started.

 [theme music into ominous string melody]

Amanda (as Inara): We storm the castle at dawn.

Brandon (as Tracey): I’ll take first watch…

Eric: So I think that you guys kind of just like, sleep through the night. Good call having watches. No problems. There were definitely some warforged…

Amanda: [jokingly] Yeah DM! Saw your plans there!

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: [still joking] Heh!!

Eric: The warforged kind of got close, but it was never too much of a problem so you guys all…you have a long rest. Congratulations. 

Amanda: WOO-ah! 

Brandon: Getting my spell slots back

Eric: Okay, so it’s now dawn. You guys are setting up. So what’s the plan here? How are you going to get in? 

Brandon: I don’t know, we just go in? [hesitantly] Seems too easy…

Amanda: Yeah, I think there’s a…there’s time for planning and there’s  time for running in a direction that’s um…ethereal something is pointing you toward and this is the latter. So…we’re going to use that invisible bridge, walk through that invisible door, and follow Tracey’s lead to wherever that first artifact is. 

Eric: Okay, so I think, you can decide whether or not you want to do an Athletics roll for everybody or you can do a Stealth roll. So are you trying to sneak in through the invisible bridge or are you just trying to fucking sprint across it and do it as fast as possible? 

Amanda: I think we are going to try to do it sneakily and just slowly, methodically, without stopping, walk kinda crouched low across the invisible bridge.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: Before we move Eric, I’m just gonna cast Disguise Self on myself and make my look return back to like a soldier, like an infantryman.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: Um, is there any emblem of like an officer within the family? 

Eric: Yeah! I think it’s the kind of sash you’re wearing. Like it might be different colored sashes. 

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Because, you know, they’re all warforged. They kinda look the same. So you just need a designated…they definitely look.

Brandon: [interrupted, jokingly offended] WOW. WOW…

Eric: But you’re different because you have the tattoos and the stuff that glow!! Okay…[laughs] Yeah. So I think you’d kinda look standard issue and then you’re wearing a purple sash. That says you’re an officer. 

Brandon: Yeah, I want to get the rank of, just enough that people will listen to me but not enough that people will pay attention to me. 

Eric: Very good, very good. 

Amanda: Isn’t that the dream? 

Brandon: Yeah, it really is. 

Amanda: I’m also going to use, uh, the disguise kit that I’ve never used to try to disguise Alex and Brinks.

Brandon: We just like…give up on Chad. 

Amanda: Well…I think Chad should go through the moat. 

Eric: Okay. Alright. 

Amanda: He can slice…sluice? How do you say that word? 

Eric: Sluice, you can sluice…

Amanda: Sluice? 

Brandon: Sluice? 

Amanda: He can uh, slide his way down that embankment, Chad his way through the water, Chad’s pronouns and verbs are all Chad.

Eric: They’re Chad to Chad.

[Brandon chuckles]
Amanda: And then um, back up the embankment, through the wall with us.

Eric: Okay. I definitely see that, okay. What are you trying to disguise yourselves as? 

Amanda: We want to look like nondescript peasants. So if somebody saw us there, they would assume we were there to clean, to deliver food, to do whatever needs doing in the house. 

Eric: Okay…

Amanda: Alright, I’ll make a Deception check. 

Eric: And you have proficiency in that…

[dice rolls]

Amanda: Well, that’s a natural 20.


Amanda: So…Brinks and Alex look like the most nondescript people you’ve ever not seen.

Brandon: So Tracey turns around and is like,

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh my god, we’re made!! 

[Amanda and Eric laugh]

Eric: [still laughing a bit] Uh, yeah you three just look like non-descript, like you can’t even like recognize your faces. At all.

Amanda: Only we do because we have a little call sign. And it’s…shaking hands for a little bit too long. 

[Brandon chuckles]

Eric: [joins in chuckling] I like that that a lot. We’re going to average everyone’s Stealths together.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: So Inara, Tracey, Captain Alex’s, and Brink, I’m going to roll. And then I’m going to roll for Chad once I find his oozy stats. 

Brandon: I’m going to guess Stealth – not high on an ooze?

Eric: It’s not high for an ooze! 

[dice roll]

Amanda: [happily in reaction] Oh! 24.

[dice roll]

Brandon: Geez.

Amanda: Stealthy boy!

Brandon: Oh!! I’m so scared right now! 

[dice roll]

[confidently] Oh, what’s that Eric? It’s a 19 + 1 for a non-natural 20.

Amanda: Hey!!!!!

Brandon: [sing-songy] Gettin that average up! 

Eric: Captain Alex rolled a…13. Which is fine. Uh, but Brink rolled a natural 20. 

Amanda: Yeah, that’s my girl! 

Eric: Which I’m going to count as a 25 for averaging, which is 1 more higher than Inara. So your average is a 20.5.

Amanda: Nice!

Brandon: We are the stealthiest…

Amanda: Stealths that ever stealthed. 

Brandon: We ever stealthed so much! We stealth all the time. I don’t even know where we are? 

[Amanda and Eric laugh]

Amanda: Who am I?! 

Eric: Chad’s Strength is +2, so I’m going to do Athletics for him to run down the embankment, sleuce through the moat, and to uh, hoof his way up. 

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: His speed is also 15, so…

Amanda: Yeah! He had a head start!

Eric: Yeah. So I think that you guys stealthed so…

Brandon: We just gave him encouragement to give him a head start, even in front of us all.

Amanda: Uh huh! Wow and this is how the legend of the block Concentra cube began.

Brandon: [chuckles] Mhm. Mhm. Some say it’s just a…

[dice roll]

Normal cube. But we know. [referring to dice roll] Oh no, it’s not good.

[Eric giggles] 

Amanda: It’s a 6.

Eric: It’s a 6.

Amanda: +2! 

Eric: Is an 8. 

Amanda: Is an 8!

Brandon: That’s higher than a 5.

Amanda: That is a number. 

Brandon: It’s higher than 0. 

Amanda: It’s not a 1. 

Eric: So, here’s how it breaks down. It’s dawn, you guys are all stealthed out. Tracey, you must have like, [laughing] faceless people behind you. And you’re looking like a standard issue warforged soldier. You guys are like, alright we’re going to give Chad a head start. 

Brandon (as Tracey): [whisper chants] Chad! Chad! Chad! Chad! Chad! Chad! Chad! 

[water splashing]

Eric: So you see him like sluezce down the one side of the moat. And you see that he’s starting to like wade his way through the water.

[continued splashing as Chad wades in the water]

Because Chad assures you he knows how to swim. And, and you go to the invisible bridge, and I think that Tracey you know exactly where it is. And like, Tracey you put your foot down and you like, [laughing] you tap it with your foot and there is definitely something there. And you guys just like, hustle your way across. 

And you look down and you’re in front of the door, and you see that Chad is having a difficult time getting up the right embankment. The one that goes back up. He was very good at going down, and he was very good at going across the water, but because he doesn’t have legs, he does have some trouble going up hills. 

Brandon: I’m going to shoot my Long Arm of the Law over to him and say,

Brandon (as Tracey): [quietly] Chad! Grab on. I’ll reel you in.

Eric: Okay. 

Brandon: It would be a Dexterity attack, right? 

Eric: Yes.

[dice roll] 

Brandon: [non-descript sigh in reaction to roll] 9+4 for a 13? 

Eric: Okay. So with a 13, you get Chad right in there. And then you remember that since Chad is an ooze, he might be a little harder to hold on. 

Brandon: Right.

Eric: Because…he’s made of acid. So…

Brandon: [short pause] Right. 

Eric: If you want to reel Chad in quickly, you’re going to have to take damage by being like all acided up. 

Brandon: I mean, yeah. We’ve got no other choice. This is the game we play. Let’s go!

Eric: Okay, since you’re taking time being inside of him, I have to roll his Engulf damage.

Brandon: Cool.

[dice roll]

Eric: [laughs triumphantly] I rolled three 1s! 

Brandon: Yeah!! I didn’t even have to do a bad thing…

Eric: So you got 3 and…so I rolled four 1s over 6 d6. So I rolled 4, and then + 8. So you only took 12 points of damage from having your arm engulfed in acid for like 30 seconds. 

Brandon: Look, I’m very constitute. 

Amanda: That’s my Tracem. 

Eric: Alright. Because you were so willing to pull Chad in as quickly as possible, you like reel him in as fast as possible, he like flies up the embankment and um, you kind of like push everyone through the door. And the three non-descript peasants, like, just walk inside and pass through the wall and Chad waddles through, uh, and passes through the wall. And your uh, your arm is like smoking with acid. 

And you feel like there is a presence coming through the woods on the other side of the bridge, and you look behind you. And you that it is Holmes and Watson. And they, and Holmes is just chattering away, telling some inane story to the silent Watson. 

[loud, echoing footsteps]

Brandon (as Tracey): Guys, we gotta move. 

Brandon: And I’m going to do a Perception check, just to see what’s just around? 

Eric: Sure. 

Brandon: Uh, and sort of get a layout of the building.

Eric: Sounds good. 

[dice roll]

Brandon: I got an 18 +2 for a 20.

Eric: Okay, non-natural 20. 

Amanda: I would like to coach my fellow partygoers in the ways of Stealth. Is it possible for me to roll Stealth to see how well I impart my Stealth knowledge to them?

Eric: I will average the four of your Stealth rolls. Are you including Chad in this? 

Amanda: Yes, I’m going to include Chad. Listen, I’m going to give it a go. Might not succeed, but I’m going to try. 

Brandon: [chanting] Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle roll! Jiggle roll! 

Eric: K, cause Chad has a -4 to Dex. 

Brandon: [laughing] That is a hilarious number! 

Eric: You know what? You’re trying to be considerate for everyone. I will give you advantage, so I’ll take your high and then I’m going to average all the other ones out.

Amanda: Okay. 

[dice roll]

[confidently] 27!

[dice roll]

Eric: Okay. Captain Alex got a non-natural 20. 

Amanda: Classic.

Eric: Brink got an 11. 

Amanda: Fine.

Eric: And Chad rolled a 6-4. 

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Which is a 2. However through the stylings of math…

[everyone laughs]

You guys all rolled a 15. 

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: So…

Brandon: That’s good!

Eric: Not bad. 

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: It’s very good.

Eric: Pretty good. 

Brandon: That’s very good.

Eric: I will say, Chad is still a giant ooze. 

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: So, that is still a problem, uh. I’ll give you that. 

Amanda: Thank you. So, I will just tell everybody, kind of a few pointers. Stay to the sides of the hallway. Keep your eyes down, but if someone looks at you, give them a quick nod. Keep moving. And don’t, obviously, show any of your weapons. Don’t run. 

So, I think we’re pretty well versed to hurry, nondescriptly, through the halls.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: What a good bootcamp. So what do I perceive in the room? 

Eric: So you’re kind of just in a regular loading dock. You saw the-the warforged from before when you walked originally to go across the original bridge. They’re dropping things off because the loading dock goes directly into a kitchen. And the kitchen is huge. 

[Brandon hums in understanding]

There’s countertops all over the place, as much storage space as the eye can see. But as you might see in another kitchen maybe in a, earlier in your life, where it was full of cooks running around, prepping food…now there are warforged running around and prepping something else. 

In these shining metal bowls, you see, it’s just like, this like purpley liquid, that they’re adding things to and stirring really well. But it’s like nasty, what they’re beating into it. 

Brandon: Okay. 

Eric: It’s also crawling, crawling, with warforged. Like, they’re all over the place. They’re doing their duty. Imagine like, a bunch of Roombas were in a very small room. And it’s like they’re following their path and sometimes they bump into each other?

Amanda: No Eric, I don’t want to get distracted by how cute that is!

[Eric chuckles]

Brandon: Eric, that hurts…I’m just a Roomba to you?

Eric: No, I’m making Brandon an image. 

[Brandon chuckles]

But there is a dragonborn with a chef’s hat on who is running around and like looking over all the warforged shoulders.

Brandon: Do I see any other doors or hallways, or like, that’s the one thing off of this room? 

Eric: That’s the one thing off this room. I mean, it’s just a loading dock, like there’s not…it only goes to one place. 

Brandon: Cool.

Amanda (as Inara): [quietly] Tracey do you think you should pose as like uh, do they take prisoners? Should you be someone like leading us all in to go to prison?

Brandon (as Tracey): [quietly in response] Yeah, I like that a lot. I think…if-if my disguise is half as good as it looks, they’ll also listen to me. 

Brandon: Can I do a History check to see if I know any military jargon for the family? 

Eric: Yeah, that’s fine. 

[dice roll]

Brandon: Uh, that’s 5.

Eric: [chuckles] You think real hard, and you can’t remember anything. But something does come to your mind and you think that saying, [loudly] HELLOOOO!! very loudly to everyone that that will get everyone’s attention pretty well. 

Brandon: [skeptically] I think this is a classic DM trick Amanda.

[Amanda laughs]

Eric: Well, I think this is what Tracey the character has uh, has heard…and believes.

Brandon: Okay. 

Amanda (as Inara): So, let’s just walk then. Maybe Tracey in the front, and Chad and then the three of us? I can take up the rear. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah, I think confidence is key. Let’s gooooo!

Amanda (as Inara): [rushed] Hang on, wait, wait, wait! We need uh, a codeword. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, I was trying to be, trying to be…

Amanda (as Inara): I know, I know, just before that cause I don’t want to do business before we rally that’d be weird.

Brandon (as Tracey): That’s true, that’s a good point.

Amanda (as Inara): We need a codeword. If something is going wrong, or if our disguise is made and we need to all just flee and regroup later, we need some kind of word.

Brandon (as Tracey): Flee or fight? Should we have two words? 

Amanda (as Inara): Um, yeah that’s a good idea. I think they should be flee or fight.

Brandon (as Tracey): I like it. 

Amanda (as Inara): Yeah.

Brandon (as Tracey): [chuckles] We’ll just yell the word ‘flee’ or yell the word ‘fight’.

Amanda (as Inara): Yes, that’s true.

Brandon (as Tracey): I like it a lot, it’s very good.

Amanda (as Inara): Okay. 

Brandon: So I think we’re going to walk forward in that order.

Eric: Officer Tracey leads them inside…

[clicking of door opening]

Some of the warforged like, look up, and are like,

Eric (as warforged): Oh, this is a regular thing that’s happening. 

Eric: And then they go about their business, just like…

Amanda: That’s the goal! 

[creaking and clanking sounds echoing]

Eric: The whirring of legs and gears working. Where are you going exactly? 

Brandon: When I walk into the room, what do I see? Are there like doors? Is there a through hallway? Like…

Eric: Yeah, so…

Brandon: A bathroom maybe? 

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: Just in case, who knows? 

Eric: Just in case you need to use a bathroom.

Brandon: You never know.

Eric: Well, there is a bathroom back there. But it says, ‘Customers Only’, which is weird. 

[Brandon giggles]

Yeah…to your left there are two pretty large metal doors. And then there’s another hallway that opens up into like a ballroom, dining room area where you hear that there’s a bunch of like, clanging and drilling noises.

Brandon: Construction noises.

Eric: Construction noises, yes.

Brandon: So, I think Tracey will take the known over the unknown, so he’s going to continue strolling towards the ballroom area where he’s hearing construction noises. On the way, is there any stray bowls of the purple stuff? 

Eric: [quick laugh] I wouldn’t say there are any stray bowls, no. They warforged who are on the line doing the prep for whatever it is, each one only has one, and they’re all beating it very very fast with like extra-large whisks. And I think eventually as you stroll through, the dragonborn who has been like, [chuckling] on top of all the warforged, like looking over their shoulder, turns around and says,

Eric (as dragonborn): Uh, excuse me. This is a closed kitchen! I don’t know, what are you, the-the prisoners don’t go in through here. 

Brandon (as Tracey): I’m sorry, are you telling…YOU telling me the officer, what, where I can and can’t be? 

Eric: The dragonborn takes off his chef’s hat and [laughs] he gives his identification from underneath his chef’s hat, takes it out, and is a higher rank than you. I don’t know how officers work, but he has like 3 STARS and you have like…2 stars. 

Eric (as dragonborn): Yes, I am! As the Commissioner of the Poison Brigade and Special Projects I would say so.

Brandon (as Tracey): Sir, yes sir. I apologize. I did not see your insignia. Um, is there a better way for us to go?

Eric (as dragonborn): [slightly annoyed] Obviously not through here, you are tracking slime throughout my-my very secure kitchen area. So you can do, you can do one, and then two things. First, you can put the prisoners in the depository and then you can get on the line like everyone else. 

[short pause]

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, I’ll put the prisoners in their cells. Which way is that? 

Eric (as dragonborn): [irked] Left. The left door. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.

Eric (as dragonborn): Is…after this can you go to maintenance and work on your programming? They…you should-you should be…I don’t, I don’t have time for this. There are too many projects to happen. 

Brandon: Through gritted teeth Tracey says, 

Brandon (as Tracey): [pitched] Okay, thank you. Sir yes sir.

Brandon: And I turn towards the left door.

Eric: Okay. You open it up and it just kind of looks like a big empty room? And that’s all you see. 

[Brandon chuckles]

If only there was something you could do…[laughs lightly] if you wanted to look into it more.

Brandon: Yeah! I’m going to roll an Investigation check.

Eric: Do it.

Brandon: [hesitantly] Okay… [laughs] I feel like you’re threatening me with checks.

Eric: I’m not, I just want you to-to do the thing. 

[dice rolls]

Brandon: 16.

Eric: With a 16, you do notice that there is no lock on the door, good job. I think the other thing you notice is that at the corners of the floor, where the floor meets the other walls, there’s like scratches in it, and there’s also like worn marks as it goes in from the wall into the floor.

Amanda: Can I look up at the ceiling and identify any escape hatches? 

Eric: Why don’t you make an Investigation check? 

[dice rolls]

Amanda: So I have this new thing called Reliable Talent, and it means that…

[Eric chuckles]

When I make an ability check in something that has a proficiency bonus, I treat a 9 or lower as a 10. So I rolled a 6, but I’m going to treat it as a 10. And then add 8, which is my bonus to make 18.


Amanda: [lightheartedly] Hehe!

Eric: Oh my god! [laughs in disbelief] Okay!

Brandon: Eric, I have this new skill that when I roll, it’s just automatically a 30 every time.

Amanda: Listen! Rogues are awful until you hit like level 10, and then it’s great.

Eric: [chuckles] Okay, so you look up and you see that there are no escape hatches up there. And you’re looking for the thing that might be escape hatches, like there’s hinges, or like there’s a…like a…an outline? 

Amanda: A seam.

Eric: Uh, a seam! And then you look down and you see that there is one large, the entire floor, there’s like hinges on the right side where those scratches or worn marks from the floor dropping out.

Amanda: Terrifying. I’m going to turn to Tracey and say,

Amanda (as Inara): [whispering] We can’t go in there. I don’t care what happens. March us out of here.

Eric (as dragonborn): [nonchalantly] Officer! Officer! Please get on the line, we need more people working the poison! 

Brandon (as Tracey): [slightly pitchy] Uh, sir yes sir! 

Inara, as soon as I make this distraction, you guys go, okay? 

Brandon: And Tracey walks over to the line.

Eric: Okay. You walk over to the line and you have to like push your way in because all the other warforged are just like doing their own thing and just like turning this goopy stuff like into a meringue. [chuckles] And the dragonborn with a chef’s hat says, 

Eric (as dragonborn): Grab your ingredients from the cabinet up there and start whisking! 

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, okay. 

Brandon: So is the cabinet above my head right now?

Eric: It is, yes.

Brandon: Okay. So what Tracey is going to do is reach up and say,

Brandon (as Tracey): I can’t…is it, is it this one? Or is it that one? 

Brandon: And as he’s like looking for the thing, he’s like, just shoving stuff off the shelf.

[metallic clanging and banging loudly echoes]

As if he’s trying to find the ingredient he’s looking for, he’s like,

Brandon (as Tracey): It’s not…this one. I don’t know, is it this one? Hey, buddy! 

[loud banging continues]

Brandon: And he’s elbowing people next to him. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Which one is it again?! I don’t…

Brandon: And he’s trying to make as much noise and commotion as possible. 

Eric: I think you’ve definitely caught the attention of someone because as you’re knocking whatever is up there, you feel splashing and then you feel some webbed hands on your arm. And you look up, and you’re looking at some purple frog men that are attached to your arm. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Guys, do you know which ingredient it is? I don’t remember if it was this one, or…

Eric: And all the frog men look at you and go, 

Eric (as frog men): [incoherently screeches] ACHHHH-kkkkkk. 

Eric: And they jump on your face.

Brandon (as Tracey): [panicked yelling] FLEEEE!!! FLEEEE!!!

[Brandon chuckles]

Amanda: As all of this is happening, I’m herding everybody out of the kitchen, we’re going to go around the perimeter as stealthily as is humanly possible including Chad, and splurp our way into the dining room and hopefully into a hallway after that. 

Eric: Okay, uh…you did roll a 15 on your Stealth already.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Which I think…

Brandon: I’m also causing the wildest distraction you’ve ever seen.

Eric: I-I-I think, I feel like there needs to be a roll here and I’m trying to figure out what exactly it is. 

Amanda: Yeah! Roll, like the leader’s Perception against my Stealth or something. 

Eric: Yes! I’m going to see if they can overcome your Stealth. So I need to roll above a 15. 

Amanda: Sure. I would say my personal Stealth is extremely high, [short pause] but…with a group, you know.

Brandon: Bringing you down? 

Amanda: I wouldn’t use that strong language, but…

Eric: I rolled a 19. I think the chef is walking towards you and is like,

Eric (as dragonborn): [raising voice slightly] Wha-What are you doing!? What’s happening?! 

Eric: You have to escalate this. 

Brandon (as Tracey): IT’S MY FIRST DAY!!!!!

Brandon: And…I think Tracey is going to sort of like, start just ticulating wildly and like shooting his Long Arm of the Law out and like taking other peoples bowls and like put it into his station. He’s like,

[Eric laughing]

Brandon (as Tracey): I’m good! It’s fine, it’s fine!!

[Eric continues laughing]

Brandon: And then taking this, uh the person on his left, his arm and like, not even the whisk from their hand just like their arm…

Amanda: Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…

Brandon: And whisking with their arm into the bowl. And then like, he’s like,

Brandon (as Tracey): I’m ALL DONE!!!

[clanging of metal whisk on the floor]

Brandon: He throws the bowl over his shoulder, cause that’s what you do when you’re done with it, and then he is using his Long Arm to grab another person’s bowl of purple liquid, and I’m just going to keep going until you tell me to stop. 

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: What does the liquid do when it hits someone? 

Brandon: I don’t know.

Eric: Yeah, I think if you throw it over your shoulder and as like the purple liquid hits a warforged in the face, and like, EVERYTHING starts melting…

[sizzling sound]

Brandon (as Tracey): OH NOOO!!!
Eric: And the entire face starts melting… [laughing heartily] You’re just throwing poisonous acid in all directions! 

Brandon: Wouldn’t you say it’s a good distraction? 

Eric: I would say it’s a good distraction. The frogs are on you and they go,

Eric (as frog men): [hissing] EECKK-ckkkkk

Eric: And now they’re jumping on other people.

Brandon: I turn to look at them and go,

Brandon (as Tracey): [hissing] KKKKKKCCCKK 

Brandon: Back.

[Amanda and Eric laugh]

Eric: They’re jumping all over the place, there’s like a giant kiddy pool of these purple frog men that are now jumping down. The chef is now running around and trying to like doing hard resets on everyone to try to get them to calm down. 

Eric (as dragonborn): [panicked] Don’t touch anything! Don’t touch ANYTHING!!!

Brandon (as Tracey): EVERYBODY TOUCH EVERYTHING!!!!!

Eric (as dragonborn): If it’s purple don’t touch it!!!!

Brandon: And then I’m going to look over my shoulder and see if my teammates have made it to the other room.

Eric: Yeah, I would say that they could make it through the kitchen, definitely. 

Brandon: Great, so what I’m going to do, MR. DM, [under his breath] thinks he’s going to trick me, I’m going to…

[Eric laughs]

I’m going to shoot my Long Arm out knock a bowl of poison off the table and say,

[clanging of bowl hitting ground]

Brandon (as Tracey): OH NO, NOT AGAIN! 

[electronic rhythmic melody begins]

Brandon: And dive for it, and as I dive for it I’m going to cast Invisibility. And as I hit the ground, I’m going to become Invisible and then I’m going to sneaka my way out of the room back into the ballroom.

Amanda: YEAHHH! 

[electronic rhythmic melody fades]

Amanda: Hey, it’s Amanda. I recently got my first fleecy robe, and the moment I tried it on I thought, ahhh, this is going into the midroll. Because if there’s anything better than getting out of a shower and putting on what’s basically a huge warm blanket that also dries you off?? And keeps that cloud of shower warmth around you as you walk through your autumn-chilled apartment? I don’t know what it is. Maybe, just maybe, fuzzy slippers. 

Speaking of, what are you doing this spooky month of October? If you’re in the Northeast or want an excuse to visit Boston, you should come to the Multitude Live show on October 10th! There will be an RPG segment that you do not want to miss. Grab your tickets now because they’re going fast at multitude.productions/live

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And now, let’s get back to the show.

[electronic rhythmic melody into sounds of bustling kitchen]

Eric: Tracey, you cause all of this ruckus. The dragonborn is running around, trying not to get burned. [chuckling] There’s just like, melted warforged. Everyone is screaming, and at some point, the dragonborn chef throws up their hands and is like,

Eric (as dragonborn): [flustered] I-okay…dwah! I hate doing this, but I guess I’m going to have to.

Eric: And hits a button on the wall.

[blaring siren]

And you hear…

Eric (as announcement): [during the siren] Dong dong! Assistance is required in THE KITCHEN. Assistance is required in THE KITCHEN. Assistance is required in THE KITCHEN. 

Eric: So that might be bad, I don’t know. Something you might need to deal with.

Brandon: I mean, I’m going to be out of the kitchen, so who cares?

Amanda: That’s Tracey’s way of life.

Eric: Alright. If you say so. Okay.

Brandon: If I’m not immediately in a room, it doesn’t exist.

Eric: [laughs] Oh, I’m sure that that will go fine for you later.

[Brandon laughs]

Um, okay. So now all of you are now in the ballroom. Congratulations, you caused a lot of… [laughs] a lot of debauchery. 

[siren muffles into distance]

So you’re now looking in the middle, and you see that Inara, you and your team as you were sneaking in there, you kind of looked at what exactly they were doing construction on.  

[construction hammering]

And you see that a bunch of warforged was surrounding this very large metallic looking dragon. It’s, uh… made out of the same like clockwork and metal and wood that’s slotted together like warforged are. But it’s definitely not ready yet. 

They’re using scaffolding to get on top of it and they’re like sauntering it and doing all the things that you do when [chuckles] you’re building a mechanical dragon.

Amanda: Yep. 

Eric: All that stuff.

Amanda: Someone just has like a fiber cloth to clean the claw and you’re like, what’s your job bud? 

Eric: [laughs] He’s just like shining it. 

Brandon: [chuckling] Poised and waiting to pounce. 

Eric: He’s like, you’re doing this way too early, we’re still working on it!!

And then to the right of the dragon is this like big big pile of crystals. 

Amanda: As much as I want to steal the crystal, I’m going to keep walking with the goal of getting to a hallway, somewhere with more people that is like bustling, and we can kind of slip in and make our way toward the middle of the castle. 

Eric: As you’re contemplating whether or not you want to steal a crystal, you hear…you hear the alarm coming from the kitchen,

Eric (as announcement): Assistance is needed in the…KITCHEN. 

Eric: And you see that the warforged that were working on the dragon hop off all the scaffolding that they’re working on and now are running straight towards you. 

Amanda: We hear the alarm, but we don’t stop because that would look extremely suspicious. So we’re just going to hug the side of the room and try to walk forward in a way that’s like, hey, I’m just a lowly human. I’m a peasant, I am bringing this Chad to someone and I don’t want you to look at me. 

Eric: Okay. I think as they-they all hop off, one of the warforged puts their hand kind of like on the center of the robot dragon’s chest, it like turns a switch. And puts it on like sentry-mode. And you see that its eyes glow a little bit.

[mechanical-like whirring] 

Amanda: Can I, as I’m walking, investigate the dragon from a distance and see if there is any like, distinguishing marks or anything I know about the dragon from the past? Maybe History?

Eric: Yeah, uh…you can do an Investigation check. 

Amanda: Good, because I’m higher in that. 

[dice rolls]

[happily] Oh, that’s a 26!

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: [sarcastically] I think Amanda…I don’t know if I, like I’m not a mathologist or anything, right?

[Amanda laughs]

26 is high? 

Amanda: It is.

Brandon: Seems extremely high. 

Amanda: Of all numbers it’s almost the highest.

Brandon: Yeah, it goes from 1-24…and then you get to 25 and it’s like, oh no! We’re almost out of numbers! And then you get to 26 and it’s the last number.

Amanda: It is. 

Eric: So I rolled a Perception check for the sentry-mode of the robot-dragon. I rolled a natural 1…

Amanda: Great.

Eric: [laughing] So…you-you’re just like, it’s just not fully built yet, so it doesn’t really have great sentry abilities. 

So yeah, you see, you’re looking at it, and you had watched the warforged turn the switch to turn it onto sentry-mode. And you noticed that are still different switches, like all over. It’s like to put different parts of this dragon into test mode. And since you rolled a goddamn 27, I’m going to tell you where all of them are. You see one at the base of the tail, you see one under the left wing, one on the chest, and one right on the nose. 

[Brandon gasps]

Amanda: Boop. Boop.

Eric: It’s a boop button. 

Amanda (as Inara):  Guys, keep walking! 

Amanda: And I’m going to pull my hood up so that I can become invisible and fly to each of those switches and figure out what they do.

Eric: Okay. You float to the switch on the base of the dragon’s tail, you can see that it’s like a…three-timed switch? Uh, one is ‘test’, one is ‘on’, and one is ‘off’. 

Amanda: What’s it currently on?

Eric: It’s currently on ‘on’. 

Amanda: I’m going to switch it to ‘off’.

Eric: Why don’t you make a Sleight of Hand check to see if you can turn off the switch without the dragon noticing. And I’m going to roll Perception to see if you get the touch. 

Amanda: Well I got an 18+3 for a 21. 

Eric: Well I got a 14. So yeah, you turn off the back switch and then you see the tail droop down. 

Amanda: Got it. So I’m going to try to turn them all off. 

[dice roll]

Amanda: This one was a non-natural 20.

Eric: [laughs] I rolled a 4.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Okay. So you turn off the one on the wing, so you see that both of the wings are now in sleepy position.

[mechanical whirring dies down]

Amanda: Okay, I’m going to go over now to the chest. 

Eric: Since now you’re at the front, I’m going to give myself advantage for this one.

[dice roll]

Brandon: But he’s so sleepy Eric. The dragon is so sleepy Eric. 

Amanda: He’s so snoozy. I’ve got a 10…

Eric: Okay. So you fly to the chest, and you reach out and you’re like, oh I’ve done this before! This dragon is stupid! And you hit the switch, and then you look up. The robot dragon face that is like snorting a hot air in your face, is just nose-to-nose with you. 

Amanda: Well I’ll boop him on the nose with my nose. 

Eric: [laughs] Alright Inara, I want you to roll Initiative. 

[action drums and bass guitar play]

Amanda: Why not roll for boops?!

Brandon: Can you roll for boops first, and then we’ll do Imitative?

[dice rolls]

Eric: Alright, what did roll?

Amanda: A 10.

Eric: Alright, you rolled 10

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: So the dragon looks down…

Amanda: We don’t have a comical moment of recognition where we just look at each other and I just boop him?

[Brandon laughs]

Eric: Alright. The first person in this Initiative is...the dragon. The dragon feels your sense and breathes hot air on you, sensing where you are. And uh, the dragon opens up their metal mouth…

[hissing of gas]

And you see that this noxious, yellow, gas bellows out of it, coating the floor and Inara I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. 

Amanda: 13.

Eric: Inara, unfortunately with a 13 you’re Constitution is not hearty enough to fight off this gas. As it gets into your nose, you choke on it and you have to back away. You feel your limbs seizing up. You fall back onto the floor, I would say, you’re still wearing the-the hood, so you’re still invisible. Right now, you’re temporarily paralyzed, and you can’t-you can’t move. 

Right now, your compatriots still don’t know where you are at the moment.

Amanda: That’s true. So it’s my turn, right? Even though I’ve been temporarily paralyzed? 

Eric: Yes, it is now your turn. 

Amanda: I’m going to cast Mage Hand, my single cantrip, and try to boop the dragon on the nose. 

Eric: [laughing] Okay?

Amanda: Haven’t used the cantrip in two arcs, BABYYYYYYYY!

Eric: [laughs] Alright, I think that we’ve established that it’s a Mickey Mouse hand…

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: As an assassin, it is corporeal so it can grab things. I would have a Dexterity-off, I think?

Amanda: Sure.

Eric: And I think you need to hit it. So you need to beat it’s AC, which is relatively high.
Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Roll an attack roll, like just you punching it. 

Amanda: 13.

Eric: [sighs in disappointment] Oh Amanda, with a  13, it’s not gonna do it. I’m sorry. You will the Mickey Mouse hand into existence and you try to come and boop it on the nose, and the dragon is just like, WHAT’S HAPPENING?! And just like, breathes at it.

[dragon makes lizard sounds]

And the illusion of it flickers away.

It is now the rest of the party’s turn. So this could be a part for you to do one of their special abilities, you can send one of them out individually, you can kind of do what they want, because right now they are very confused about what’s happening. The last thing that you told them to do was to just stay put.

Brandon: Ooze can’t also be affected by poison? 

Eric: No.

Amanda: Right. I think Chad should spring forward, and like a human would, just jump up with like a punch and try to punch the dragon on the nose cause he saw a documentary once about sharks.

Eric: [laughs heartily] Okay, so what I’m going to do, I’m going to do a punch, and then I’m going to do for where Chad punches. So I’m going to see if it hits and then I’m going to roll again to see if you hit anything, if it hits him on the nose. 

Amanda: I think Alex and Brink are going to continue toward the hallway and, even though Chad is peeling off, they’re going to continue on the mission. 

Eric: Okay.

[dice rolls]

[laughs in reaction to rolls] Okay! Chad rolled a 9, unfortunately. You disappeared, then now there’s noxious gas everywhere, he like raises one corner of his cube to pretend like he’s covering a mouth. And he like runs, and he’s like,

Eric (as Chad): [battle cries] YYY-AHHHH!!!

Eric: And you see the sword like floats to the front of Chad’s body as he’s going forward…

Amanda: Good boy.

Eric: [laughing] And just like, Chad can’t really do much…he like tries to throw the sword towards the dragon, and it just kind of clatters towards the ground.

[clattering of sword on the ground]

Eric (as Chad): [yelling] WHERE IS INARA?! WHERE IS MY FRIEND?!

Eric: And now, Tracey roll for Initiative. Tracey you are also invisible, and you are running up to the ballroom, and checking out what’s happening. 

Brandon: So I rolled an 18 for Initiative, so I bust through the doors, very quietly and calmly, and don’t make any noise…

Amanda: Yep.

Eric: So you sneak into the doors and seeing this WILD scene, Chad is face-to-face with a clockwork dragon, there is a giant pile of crystals to the right of the dragon, you have no idea where Inara is. There is like this toxic gas everywhere. You see that Brink and Captain Alex are sneaking off to the other side of the room.

Brandon: [smugly] Right, so I’m going to walk in, I’m still invisible, toxic gas don’t hurt me because I am a living construct.

Eric: Yes.

Brandon: What up? So I rush over to Chad, I become visible and I say, 

Brandon (as Tracey): Chad, Chad! What’s going on? What happened to your sword?! 

Eric: [laughing] And the dragon just goes,

Eric (as dragon): AHHHH!!!! 

Eric: And it’s just like screaming at you.

[dragon makes lizard like sounds]

Brandon: Using my quick-witted detective skills, assume that this noxious gas is coming from this nose, I’ma…

Eric: [laughing] It’s-it’s not coming from the nose!! The dragon opened its mouth…

Amanda: The nose is just above the mouth!

Brandon: Yeah, it’s coming from the nose! Have you ever seen a dragon before, Eric?! [voice pitches] It comes out from both the nose and inside the mouth! 

Amanda: Does he not have extreme proficiency in living constructs? 

Brandon: [high-pitched] Yeah but am I a world-class detective?! 

Eric: [chuckles] You’re not a world-class detective, you still need a…

Brandon: [interrupting] You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m still going to punch it in the face cause it’s looking at me. 

Eric: Oh, that sounds great.

Brandon: Yeah. It just happens to be good because there is a switch on it. 

Eric: Okay, yeah. Do an attack roll. 

Brandon: Yeah, so I’m going to shoot my Long Arm of the Law up and out in the fist and try to punch it in the face. 

Eric: Okay. Why don’t you make a…attack roll with that. And I’m going to give you the same damage that you would do with your ax.

[dice roll]

Brandon: Uh, 17.

Eric: Uh, that hits.

Brandon: Yessss! So, I roll…

[dice roll]

So I rolled a 9 + 3 so that is 12 damage. 

Eric: Alright, you do 12 damage to it. You bop it right in the face. 

Brandon: Yeah. 


[Eric laughs]

Brandon: And I try to pick Chad up and throw him over my shoulder and he just goes through…

Eric: It’s confusing. No, it’s confusing.

[Brandon chuckles]

I want you to make a Sleight of Hand check to see if you hit the switch. 

Brandon: Okay. Probably accidently.

Eric: Accidently yeah. I want you to also roll a Sleight of Hand check to see if you hit the switch out of sheer Tracey luck.

Brandon: Tracey Luck, my new energy drink. 

Eric: Okay…I’m coming up with a number. Okay.

Brandon: Well, it’s probably more than 10, huh? 

Eric: It is more than 10. So you just bop it [laughs] you just, [battle-cries] CHAA-YEAHHH, and you give it a nice upper cut for 12 damage. 

Brandon: That’s fair. 

Eric: Alright, so the dragon, uh, [laughs] is pretty confused about what’s happening here. And it’s…

Brandon: It and me both!!!

Eric: It’s no longer looking for the paralyzed Inara, so it looks around and sees the pile of crystal on its right, and you see that it looks like it’s rearing up for an attack. And it opens its mouth and it just shoots this concentrated beam…

[laser-like sound]

Of what you only see as Undying Light energy, stuff in the batteries, the stuff that Franny has been drinking, and it shoots it right at the pile of crystals.

Amanda: That can’t be good.

[scraping of crystals colliding and assembling]

Eric: And the crystals start to assemble themselves to look the thing that gave it power. 

[scraping of crystals grows louder and faster]

So now…the pile of crystals stack on top of each other to make clawed feet, and a large body, and then wings that try to flap if it gave it a shot. Tracey, now you’re looking face-to-face at a robot dragon and a crystal dragon.

[dragon roars intensely]

Brandon: [scared] CHAD?! We gotta go! Where is Inara? I’m-I can’t boop two dragons! 

Eric: Inara, it is your turn.

Amanda: Am I unparalyzed?

Eric: Uh, roll another Constitution saving throw.

[dice roll]

Amanda: 9.

Eric: No, unfortunately you are still paralyzed. You were looking around and you saw Tracey boop it in the nose, and the noxious gas, now that it’s after the dragon’s turn, it dissipates. So you are no longer feeling the effects of it, but you lose this turn. 

Amanda (as Inara): [whispers] Tracey! Don’t freak out! I’m invisible! You have to turn the switch on its nose okay?!

Brandon: [yelling loudly] WHAT?! WHAT?! Okay…WHAT!? Okay.

Amanda (as Inara): Stop talking. 

[Amanda laughs]

Eric: It is now the crystal dragon’s turn. The crystal dragon opens its mouth…

[dragon roars]

And shoots light at Chad and Tracey. And Tracey I want you to make a Dexterity saving throw. 

[dice roll]

Brandon: [sing-songly] Non-natural 20! Beat that stupid dragon!  

[Eric chuckles]

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: Tracey you see that the light that’s emitting from the dragon’s mouth is a bright yellow light. You were successful, but Chad was not able to get out of the way of the yellow light. 

You still catch some of it on the back, and you feel like electricity is jolting through the foot that got caught in the yellow light.

So Chad takes 19 points of lightning damage, and Tracey you take 9. 

Amanda: Nooo, Chad! 

Eric: [laughs] The crystal dragon also looks at Tracey, and sees his Long Arm of the Law, and its chest then turns a dark gray. 

Brandon: Okay, uh. Tracey says,

Brandon (as Tracey): [confused] Okay?

Eric: [laughs] It’s now your NPCs turn. What do you guys want them to do? 

Brandon: How tall are the dragons? 

Eric: They’re big.

Brandon: Is it so big that we can literally go under them?

Eric: Yeah, if you want to run away from them, you can. 

Brandon: I don’t want to fight a giant robot dragon and his crystal buddy! That sounds bad! I’m going to lose that fight!

Eric: [chuckles] That’s a good point.

Amanda: I mean, unless Chad can absorb the whole crystal dragon, but it seems too big to do that. 

Brandon: [laughs] Eric checks his notes…typy typy typy…

Eric: Okay, so! I checked Engulf, Chad’s special power, and he can enter the space of a large creature, and large encompasses many different sizes. You’re all medium, from Inara 4 feet, to Tracey, closer to 7 feet. So large can be anything that’s like, 8 feet tall to about 12, 13, 14 feet? So, they’re both large creatures. So Chad can do the Engulf thing to the dragon. 

Amanda: I think Chad should just run up to the crystal dragon like melee-style and he’s trying to perhaps stab or punch the dragon, but he just keeps running in his passion and Chadness and proceeds to fully envelop the crystal dragon. 

Brandon: Yeah, we can just tell Chad to tackle the dragon! 

Amanda: Yep.

Brandon: Like a normal human would.

Amanda: Give him a big ol hug to the ground. 

Eric: Alright, so Chad run towards the dragon and yells, 

Eric (as Chad): I GOT HIM!!!

Eric: And he runs at him, and just like envelops as much of it as possible. So the way that Engulf works is that the dragon can make a Dexterity saving throw to get out of the ooze’s grasp. 

[Amanda laughs in response to the roll]

Alright. The dragon fails its Dexterity saving throw…

[dragon loudly roars sharply]

Amanda: [exuberantly] YESS!!!! Failure!

Eric: [laughing] And he’s just like floating around inside of Chad and he also takes 21 points of acid damage. 

Amanda: Correct.

Eric: Which it’s definitely unhappy about. 

Brandon: Is Chad our…best fighter?

Amanda: That’s why we chose him!!!

[Brandon chuckles]

Nothing as corrosive as a good human friend.

[Brandon laughs heartily]

Eric: So now it’s restrained and when the cube moves, the engulfed creature moves with it. 

Amanda: Uh huh!

Eric: He can do a Strength check to try to bust out of it on it’s turn. 

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: The crystal dragon is totally restrained. 

Amanda: Yeah. 

Eric: We’re now coming all the way back around to Initiative order and its now Tracey’s turn.

Brandon: Well…I’m going to just shoot a big ol cannon ball at his face. And his nose.

Amanda: Flip the switch…

Brandon: Flip the switch.

Eric: Alright. 

Brandon: Is it possible to do just like, the thunder? Like, have the air burst? The lightning? 

Eric: Yeah, I mean, it’s lightning damage however we call it, we’ve been calling it, like, these energy bursts. But you can do whatever you want. 

Brandon: Okay, yeah. So instead of shooting a burst of electricity, I’m just going to shoot…

[booming shot of gun]

The little physical energy. So sort of like the blast radius of an explosion.

Amanda: Sonic boom!

Brandon: Yeah, it’s like a  sonic boom that’s gonna try to move the thing.

Eric: Alright, so Tracey, you’re still going to have to do an attack roll against it’s AC. But you’re not going do damage, you’re going to flip the switch. 

Brandon: Correct.

[dice roll]


Eric: It’s AC is high-is higher than that. Still, it bows its head and uh, weathers the energy…field. 

Brandon: Well, I’ve got an extra attack, so I’m gonna cock my gun and shoot again.

[booming shot of gun]

Eric: Do it. 

[dice roll]

Brandon: 18 + 4 for 22. [short pause] Do I hit my dragon friend?

Eric: With a 22, you do hit the dragon.

Brandon: Dr…Doom.

Amanda: [mildly energetic] HEY!!!!

Eric: [joins in with Amanda] Hey!!! So, here’s what happens. You turn off the final switch of the dragon, and it fully like boots down. 

[whirring quiets]

And then you hear a different man’s voice go,

Eric (as voice): [robotic] Goodbye. 

[everyone laughs]

And it bows its head, and it kind of just settles in a sleeping position in the middle of the ballroom.

Brandon: Is it cute?

Eric: It-it is pretty cute. 

Brandon: Oh, cute.

Eric: Oh, it also opens up it’s mouth and uh out tumbles a…

[clanking of object hitting ground]

Very large metal key.

Brandon: I pick up that key and take it and say,

Brandon (as Tracey): [excitedly] Alright! Time to go!! 

Brandon: And start strolling towards the other end of the hall.

Eric: After the dragon spits out the key, you see that the energy that was pulling through the crystalline dragon id starting to drain away from it. 

[crystals scraping together, falling apart]

It then moves slower, and it’s trying to fight away Chad as he, as Chad is engulfing it in acid, and slowly it returns to just a pile of crystals, floating now inside Chad. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Chad! I like the look, what a good look!!

Eric (as Chad): It balances all of my chakras! 

[Brandon chuckling]

Amanda: I scramble up from my position on the floor and get so excited to move that I forget to take my cowl off and I’m just like, 

Amanda (as Inara): Tracey, oh my god, that was so wild! I got invsi-I got paralyzed from some kind of gas and I, oh my god Chat, great job! 

Brandon: And Tracey is like, 37 degrees tilted away from you and is like, 

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh my god Inara! I’m so glad you’re okay!! 

Eric: [laughs a bit] As you take the key away from Tracey, his arm is still pointing back towards the kitchen. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Well, uh…I guess we gotta go back in there…

Amanda (as Inara): Um, Chad? Can you do me a favor and like, just will yourself invisible? Like obviously none of us humans could turn invisible unless we have spells like Tracey or something like me…sorry. It’s me Inara, I’m a, a friend of you.

Brandon: Tracey turns 60 more degrees and is looking in the absolute opposite direction now.

[Eric laughs]

Amanda (as Inara): Can you stay really still and look like it’s just the pile of crystals sitting there? And we’re going to go into the kitchen and try to solve whatever this key does. 

Eric (as Chad): Absotively!

[Eric scoffs]

Amanda: And I’m hoping if he wills it hard enough, if he dreams it, he in fact does turn invisible. 

Eric: Yeah, it’s a thing about oozes, is that like if they don’t move, you can’t see them.

Amanda: Excellent. 

Eric: Unless you’re looking. So it literally, like he just stops moving, [laughing] and he just like disappears. 

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Alright. Then I cast Invisibility on myself and uh, we go into the kitchen. 

Amanda: Okay, do you want to hold hands, so we know where each other is? 

Brandon: Yes, I do very much want to do that. 

Amanda: Or link elbows like the yellow brick road.

Brandon: Yeah, I like that a lot. 

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: [laughing] Okay.

Amanda: So Tracey and I link elbows…

[sirens become louder again]

Eric: [laughing] This is chaos. You guys, you guys are like strolling in and there’s just like frog people jumping all over the place… 

Amanda: Yeah, like in slow-mo.

Eric: There’s like acid everywhere, there’s one dragonborn who is running around trying to help...Now there are more robots running in and they slip on the acid, and like everyone is covered in purple. And there’s screaming, there’s lots of screaming. 

Amanda (as Inara): Well done Tracey, this is great. So let’s head over to the doors, yeah? 

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispers] Yeah, let’s do it. I don’t want to talk anymore, I just nod.

[Amanda chuckles]

You can’t see me nod.

Amanda (as Inara): Nope.

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: We just silently move together toward the door [chuckles], and you have the key in your hand because you’re invisibility extends to things you’re holding but mine does not.

Brandon: Correct, yes. And we get to the door, I put the key in the lock, and it unlocks, and a big banner comes out and says, ‘You win durblins and durblins’. And uh, I get a check for $40. 

Eric: 40 whole dollars! So you two open the door…

[door clicks open]

And you sneak in and you close it behind you. 

[sirens muffle again] 

And you look around, and it…

Amanda: We rest it closed behind us, not all the way closed. SIR. 

Eric: [laughs] You rest it closed behind you. 

Amanda: You won’t trap me! 

Eric: And it’s just like a massive walk-in like, pantry? And you see that there’s like all of these snacks that are on one side, and there’s all of these like poisonous chemicals on the other side.

Amanda: Inara’s true temptation! 

Eric: And then in the middle…

[short pause]

Brandon: The poison or the food? 

Amanda: Both! 

Eric: In the middle you see that there is this massive ice chest all the way on the other side of the room.

Amanda: I open it. 

Eric: Okay. So in the ice chest, you see that there is more frozen treats, and you also see that there is a hilt that looks freezing cold that is just hanging out in the ice chest. And Tracey, your arm is like, [chuckling] is doing gravity hands at it. 

Brandon: I let my, my gravity hands [mumbling] should I touch it with my bare… 

Amanda: Jamie did.

Brandon: Oh, yeah. [realizing] OH!! 

[Eric and Amanda laugh heartily] 

Eric: Brandon is good at durblins and durblins! 

Brandon: [innocently] My brain is very tired. 

[Eric laughs]

I’m sleepy like the sleepy dragon. 

[Eric continues laughing] 

Someone boop me out of this or I’ll fall asleep. I let my grabby hands grab the hilt. 

Eric: You pick it up, and uh, as it’s pulled out of the very cold freezer, and it was next to like some Neapolitan ice cream, it’s like someone is starting a fire, and the embers grow at the hilt. And it goes up and up and up. And you are holding Jamie’s flaming sword. 

[sounds of fire erupting into flames]

Brandon: Does my arm feel like really accomplished? 

Eric: Yeah. You feel fulfilled, like something has checked something off within inside of you.

Brandon (as Tracey): [hushed but excited] Inara, this is the coolest sword that I’ve seen in my entire life!!

Amanda (as Inara): Amazing! Let’s get back to Chad and get the hell out of here! 

Brandon (as Tracey): Let’s do it. 

[electronic rhythmic melody]

Eric: Alright, so you guys can sneak back through all of the chaos. You make it back to the ballroom. Captain Alex is like,

Eric (as Captain Alex): But where-where do we go now? 

Amanda (as Inara): Wherever Tracey tells us. 

Brandon: Tracey becomes visible again, obviously. 

Amanda: Yeah, me too. I took off my shadow cowl.

Eric: And Brink goes,

Eric (as Brink): [surprised] Ah!! 

Brandon (as Tracey): Arm. Do your thing. 

Eric: You look at your arm expectantly, [laughing] waiting for it give you answers. Chad shuffles over and everyone is just staring at Tracey’s arm. 

And suddenly, it points up. And just as suddenly, it points straight down. 

[electronic rhythmic melody fade, theme music starts]