47. Hunting Party VIII — Join the Party

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Transcript

Amanda: Last time, on Join the Party…

Eric: The party grabs the Liar’s Mouthpiece and Kohl from Jersey Mike’s arena and haul back to Electroshack under the cover of the blackout that Franny promised. There’s... a lot to explain.

Julia (as Kohl): Wait, okay. So, you met a god, you saw The Centering, you saw part of my tech at The Centering?

Eric: In exchange for the relic, Franny lays out the true story of the Centering: the Council of Bright was one man who tried to take over the land with an army of warforged by his side. The heroes of the time fought him off and encased him in an astral prison, which is now being loosened as each star goes out. And the medallion that’s around Alonzo’s neck is how it’s happening.

The party hatches a plan:

Amanda (as Inara): We gotta get people away from the arena.

Brandon (as Tracey): We gotta get the energy to the arena

Eric: They drag a barrel of Undying Light energy to the center of the empty Jersey Mike’s arena. And wait for Alonzo and the Council of Bright.

Let’s get ready to ruuuumbbbllleeeeeee. And let’s get the party started.

[theme music]

[mellow synth organ ambience]

Eric: It's dark inside of the arena. You three are preparing for the eventual battle with Alonzo, getting ready for what could be, the fight of your lives.

Kohl, whatcha doing?

Julia: I am setting up a turret. It has a kind of - it's not quite a gun, but it has kind of an opening at the top there. And it has a big box-shaped thing in the middle and then four kind of mechanical crab-like legs.

Brandon: Hm…

Eric: Good.

Brandon: So, it’s a gun with legs? Cool.

Julia: [chuckles] And it's weird because it's kind of glowing from the back…

Amanda: [sarcastically] Oh, good.

Julia: But we don't know exactly why.

Amanda: I've learned this arc that glowing things are always trustworthy.

Julia: Mhm.

Amanda: And definitely have no side effects.

Julia: Mhm.

Brandon: That's hurtful.

Amanda: [chuckling] Oh…except for you.

[Eric joins in laughing]

Julia: So as - as Kohl is waiting for the others to finish their preparations, she is kind of pacing back and forth in the ring with this mechanical spider-turret following her around.

Brandon: Does the spider-turret have a name?

Julia: Sebastian.

Brandon: That's pretty good.

Eric: That's good.

Amanda: And where is Alabaster in this configuration?

Julia: Oh, Alabaster is kind of just hanging out in the corner of the ring as well. Like, his big, big robot arms kind of post-up in the corner there.

Eric: Tracey, what are you doing?

Brandon: A few things…So I think Tracey's trying to come up with some way to distract Alonzo/Midnight Man as they walk in. So, they can sort of get off an attack, or at least in the initial attack, without any resistance. So, I think he's gonna try to set up the projector that he has, to aim it towards the big screen where like, you cut a promo. And I’ll set the film canister in there and get it ready to turn the volume off.

And he's talking to Kohl a little beforehand and having - he wants to have Kohl like do the voiceover on top of the film. Just make it big and scary and try to get Alonzo off balance a little bit. And then I think he'll just sort of hide underneath the ring?

Amanda: Oh…

Brandon: And get his long arm of the law ready to shoot out and sort of scrabble a lot of those angles when he's when he's in range.

Eric: Okay, cool. Inara, what are you doing?

Amanda: I am examining the weapon that Franny passed along to me. It looks a little bit homemade, like a lot of her creations. And it really resembles more of a water gun? And there's like a big plunger that you have to draw back and then plunge forward.

[Eric laughs]

And I don't exactly know what happens when I do that? But she told me that I might have to hit him a few times before it starts to work.

Eric: Okay, yes. So, it basically has some sort of antimagic goo that is supposed to incase like smaller monsters with one hit, keep them from jumping at you and using whatever innate magical abilities. But as Franny warns you,

Eric (as Franny): [muffled from inside the bag] If you get a big sucker on the end of this one you gotta hit him a few times make sure it really sticks.

Amanda (as Inara): So, like a fire extinguisher? And if it's a big fire kind of hit it a bunch.

Eric (as Franny): [muffled] Yeah, but like instead of fire, it's like a dangerous monster who wants to eat your face. [chuckles] Believe me, you don't want to go into the forest without this thing.

Amanda (as Inara): [nervously] Uh, okay…

Eric (as Franny): [muffled] You want to see how I got the scars?

Amanda (as Inara): No…

Eric (as Franny): [muffled] They’re on my flanks.

Amanda (as Inara): Okay.

Eric (as Franny): [muffled] I love that we can have such close talks like this.

Amanda (as Inara): Okay.

Amanda: And then I cinch the bag closed again.

[Eric laughs heartily]

So, my plan is to hang out up in the rafters where for the - the lighting rigs and everything are suspended above the stadium and stay cloaked in darkness as I prefer.

[mellow synth organ ambience silences]

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: So that I can hopefully get an attack onto Alonzo before he notices that I'm there. I'd also love to leave Mr. Sippy under the center of the ring so that if I say the activating word, it will punch right through the floor and hopefully stun or neutralize Alonzo.

Eric: Okay, this is great. So, I want to give you a sense of space here. So, there is a opening where y'all walked in when you were sneaking in with Eugene…

Amanda: Mhm.

Eric: Like really the front of this entire spot and the ramp that leads down.

Amanda: It’s at the like long end of the oval right?

Eric: Yeah, so the - the long end of the oval. Then right in the center of the arena oval, is the ring that was set up for the wrestling match. I assume that the barrel of Undying Light is right in the center. There's a catwalk above which is where Inara is going to be kicking it. Alabaster is kicking it in the ring. Tracey's underneath the ring.

Julia: I think Kohl is probably outside the ring but facing the entrance ramp.

Eric: Sure, that's good. And then, uh, Mr. Sippy will be underneath. The arena is set up for this wrestling match to happen. So, all the seats are laid out, there are banners and streamers and decorations and all that stuff. For the actual wrestling match, anything that could conceivably be here for a wrestling match at a major arena is in there. You are the only people in there and the only light is radiating from the Undying Light barrel.

Amanda: So, as we wait for the Midnight Man to arrive, each of us are hunkering down, um, privately.

I don't know about you guys, but I think Inara is - is thinking about the early days where, you know, she showed up to just get a gig to take her out of jail and found herself caring for this guy. Looking so happy and radiant on his wedding day, and how things have changed. And despite everything she believes that Alonzo doesn't want to harm her. Doesn't want to harm the universe. And there must be something happening that she doesn't understand. In order to explain why things have gone this way.

Brandon: Yeah, I think for Tracey, it's one of those moments, where like, you sort of forget the moment you're in and then like every 30 seconds, you have that like, come to Earth moment. You’re just like realizing over and over again like I can't believe that was actually the case.

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, look. Mr. Sippy has really cool etching on it. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm about to attack…Alonzo.

Julia: I think for Kohl, there's very much a disconnect. She knew Alonzo as this dorky little dude that would come and try to learn artificer stuff from her. And now she has left her city behind. She's left the world that she knew behind to travel and do this thing with wrestling.

And now she's going to fight her former best friend who is possessed by a extremely powerful entity. And there's just so much that feels different from what it used to be.

Eric: It seems like you're waiting for longer than you anticipated. The seconds are slow. And the minutes are slower. It could be any time right now, it’s just dark. It's dark in the arena. It's dark outside.

From faraway…you didn't hear it before. From very far away, but now resonantly, a clock tower rings 12 times.

[loud gong of a clock]

It's midnight.

[clock continues gonging]

As soon as that happens, you see glow from the front of the arena illuminating the recognizable silhouette of your good friend, Alonzo. Except now, he likes to call you guys doofuses.

[whirring of projector]

Amanda: From the rafters, Inara turns on the projector needed to have the jumbotron filled with footage of the arena and warforged in the days of yore.

Eric: He's about to say something and he sees the movie. And he says,

Eric (as Alonzo): [confused] I don't understand what I'm looking at here. This is - is that…the…? Yeah, this doesn't make any sense to me. What are we - What are we doing? This is - this is weird.

Eric: [echoing] And then as he's confused, he stops himself for a few seconds and you hear,

Yeah, it was some of my best creations. There was some good fights there. I remember, I found that monster just like sitting in the bottom of the world! But you know you throw enough warforged at something and it really does just, uh, go away.

It's pretty - I – uh, everyone loved that one. I definitely got a few weeks of high praise, really high approval numbers, really appreciate that. Uh, hey! I don't - Where did you get that? That's - that's, that's good. That's good stuff.

Julia (as Kohl): [announcing over] The match of the millennium is about to begin! A challenger approaches.

[yelling] Challenger! What is your name?

Eric (as Alonzo): They call me many things. The one man army. The creator of all that is and will be. The man on top. Man everywhere, including on top. But mostly, they call me the Council of Bright. Say it loud. I want to - I really want to hear you put some energy into it.

Julia (as Kohl): [announcing enthusiastically]: The Council of Bright!

Eric (as Alonzo): Do it again. Yeah, I really need I didn't really need you to give some more for the all-powerful being to come into this match. Please, please.

Julia (as Kohl): [announcing with more annunciation] The Council…of BRIGHT.

[mimicking a cheering crowd]

Eric (as Alonzo): Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. So, who's am I - who's here? Who am I fighting against? Who's gonna put this all powerful, uh, I guess I'm the bad guy here…put him back in his place.

Julia (as Kohl): [distracted] Didn't…didn’t you see my posters?

Eric (as Alonzo): I did. But I figured you would have some friends, but, like, listen. One on one is totally fine by me.

Julia (as Kohl): I'm very self-confident.

[Brandon & Amanda laughing]

Eric (as Alonzo): Well, you know, you do have your robot friend. And I guess I am too, as it is.

Julia (as Kohl): Mhm.

Eric (as Alonzo): So that's fine. Uh, you know, I don't love to play fair. So…

Eric: Alonzo raises his hands up on either side. And his fingers are crackling with the bright white light that has surrounded him. And then you hear stomping.

At first, it's labored and heavy, like you're pulling something out of the ground. And then it gets faster as the stomping approaches. And walking in behind Alonzo Council of Bright body, are 3 scrap metal statues. So outside of the outside of Jersey Mike's Arena, as there are in most arenas, there is some sort of like artistic Sculpture Garden. And there were these scrap metal sculptures that were put together out there. While they're out there, they were creepy, but also like a little beautiful in that way? I mean, they were kind of rusty, but also it was like wow - look at look at the artistic spirit. But it turns out, they might have been left here from…some time before.

Julia: [whispers] Oh boy.

Eric: Each of them are like proto-warforged in this way. They all have crudely etched faces, and 2 arms and 2 legs. But they all look a little bit distinct from each other. One has very large hands that originally were curled up into fists that were pushed up into the ground but turns out we're in fact hands as they start to move around. One has a very clunky cannon/large slingshot on one arm. And the third one has a regular hand and on the other hand, is a massive scythe. They drag themselves into the arena and flank Alonzo from behind. So, Alonzo turns back to Kohl and says,

Eric (as Alonzo): So that um….should I just like come into the ring and grab the barrel? Or are you going to bring it to me?

Julia (as Kohl): [echoing] You're gonna have to fight me for it.

Eric (as Alonzo): [confidently] Alright. That sounds good to me

Julia (as Kohl): Bring it on man.

Eric: Alonzo’s body walks towards the ring, and the three rusty titans follow behind.

Amanda: From up in the rafters, cloaked in shadow, Inara aims, the neutralizer squarely at Alonzo's back. And as soon as he passes just under her, she fires.

Eric: Okay, this is a prize action. So…why don’t you roll for Stealth and I'll give you an advantage.

[dice rolls]

Brandon: Eric, while she's doing that, I think Tracey has seen the titans. He’s started to change his strategy now and switch from the long arm to his ranged cannon and prepare a shot.

Eric: Dope. So, let's resolve Inara’s first. I'm going to do a Perception for Alonzo.

[dice rolls]

Amanda: I was like 27 on Stealth, so…

Eric: [laughing] You know…I rolled lower than that.

[Amanda laughs]

Okay!

Amanda: You don’t have +11 in Stealth?

Eric: I do not have +11 in Stealth!

Amanda: [teasing] I’m sorry, you're all present aura doesn't make you really stealthy?

Eric: No, my Perception even as I am all-present and all-knowing and all-great, I cannot see the small rogue hiding in the shadows. Okay, so when you're surprised you auto-crit?

Amanda: Yes. So, the - the Assassinate mechanic means that I have advantage in combat if the opponent hasn't taken a turn. But if they're surprised, I auto-crit.

Eric: Okay. So, this - this hit is absolutely on the mark. What does – what does the neutralizer goo look like?

Amanda: It looks like - like a sneeze? Like it's just one kind of oblong, massive goo! And slightly bluish, and it's a little bit opaque? And just lands like the with a audible splat.

Eric: Okay, Alonzo is hit, and looks up to see where it came from.

Amanda: I am trying to inspect the aura to see if the aura flickered or - or dimmed at all when the goo hit. What do I see?

Eric: That’s a great question. Uh, as you hit Alonzo with the gross antimagic sneeze, um, you can see…

Amanda: The neutralizer, yep. Mhm.

Eric: [laughs heartily] You can see, uh, his aura does dim slightly. But the body Alonzo is now on guard and angry.

Eric (as Alonzo): Who…who did that? This is SO gross. This is SO GROSS.

Amanda: As soon as I hit him and notice the aura, I stand up and stealthily move closer toward the ring so that I can shoot him from a different angle.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: Seeing that Inara got away stealthily enough from their field of vision, Tracey's going to just hold his attack for now.

Eric: Alright sounds good to me.

Amanda: What does Kohl do?

Julia (as Kohl): [excitedly announces] That looked really really gross!

[Amanda giggles]

Eric (as Alonzo): Alright. [sighs] I knew when I told myself I was gonna do it this time, I wasn't gonna make nearly as many quips. [getting fired up] This is ON. Titans let's GO!

[upbeat electronic beat]

Eric: [enthusiastically] Everyone roll for initiative!

[all roll dice]

Julia: Uh, should I roll for Alabaster as well?

Eric: Yes, you should!

[dice rolls]

Okay, let's go in a circle. Inara what's your initiative?

Amanda: 15.

Eric: Uh, Kohl. What was your initiative?

Julia: 19 for Kohl and 11 for Alabaster.

Eric: Tracey, what is your initiative?

Brandon: 12.

Eric: Okay! With initiative, Kohl goes first. Kohl, what do you do?

Julia: I'm a shoot it.

Eric: Shoot what?

Julia: Uh, the slingshot titan, please.

Eric: Yes.

[dice rolls]

Julia: That's a 19.

Eric: Yeah, a 19 hits.

Julia: Ah, sweet!

Eric: These things are rusty - rusty idiots.

Julia: Cool. Uh, 2 d6 piercing damage from the Thunder Cannon.

Eric: Do it.

Julia: Oh, so it’s 9 damage.

Eric: Okay, so you do 9 damage to the range boy?

Julia: Yes.

Eric: Okay, so Kohl. What does it look like when you shoot your Thunder Cannon?

Julia: I feel like Kohl’s Thunder Cannon is as janky as the rest of her gear in that it looks kind of cobbled together and very steam punky. So, when it shoots out, it's - it's a Thunder Cannon, so it's it's electric. But at the same time, it's like electrified bolts that are being shot out.

Eric: Nice. So, you shoot the, uh, Thunder Cannon shot through the range boy. And he looks down and he's like,

Eric (as slingshot titan): [sadly] Aw, no. I just came alive. Beans!

Julia (as Kohl): Aw, sorry bud!

Brandon: What a tough titan!

Eric: Yeah.

[Brandon & Eric giggle]

Eric (as slingshot titan): Ah, no!

Eric: It is now Inara’s turn. What do you got?

Amanda: I'm going to continue to advance toward the ring. So, I want to be like within 10 feet, but definitely a different angle. And shoot Alonzo again with the neutralizer.

Eric: Okay, I want you to make another Stealth check.

[dice rolls]

Amanda: That's a 26.

Eric: [chuckling] Why are you so stealthy?

Amanda: For once, I'm doing the thing that I’m near maxed for!

Eric: I know seriously. Okay, this is now… Alonzo did not see you, where this is coming from. I'm going to roll for all the other people on his side.

[Eric rolls multiple dice]

Amanda: I’m going to aim to hit him on the right thigh.

Eric: Okay, cool.

Amanda: Side of his right thigh.

Eric: Alright. This time, since it’s not a surprise round anymore, I want you to do a ranged attack.

Amanda: Well, I get advantage if the target hasn't taken a turn yet. So, that is true for Alonzo.

Eric: [laughing] Okay.

[rolls twice for advantage]

Amanda: That's 15.

[electronic beat intensifies]

Eric: Okay. With a 15, uh, you miss. From the rafters you shoot down and it goes right to the left of Alonzo. He's starting to get a beat on where you're firing from the body Alonzo looks up and screams,

Eric (as Alonzo): [screaming] IF YOU ARE UP THERE, YOU NEED TO COME DOWN, SO THAT I CAN SEE YOU AND THEN I CAN DESTROY YOU IN ALL OF THOSE DIFFERENT WAYS.

Amanda: I'm going to ignore him and run toward the ring so that I’m standing kind of right next to the jumbotron directly over the ring.

Eric: Sounds good to me. Okay, it is now Alonzo's turn.

[Brandon unenthusiastically woos]

Yeah, yay Alonzo, yay!

Alonzo pulls 2 arrows from his quiver aims them up at the catwalk and fires. You have half cover because you're kind of just like in the shadows. So, I'm going to give you +2 your AC.

Amanda: Mhm.

[dice rolls]

Eric: 18?

Amanda: That hits.

Eric: And…

[dice rolls]

The second one misses. Okay, so you're gonna hit for 10 points of piercing damage. And he's also gonna use one of his arcane shots. So, you're also going to take 7 points of psychic damage. And I want you to make a Wisdom saving throw.

[dice rolls]

Amanda: 19.

Eric: Okay, so Alonzo takes both of the arrows and just fires them into the darkness. And the arrows as they get closer and closer to you, you start to see that they get darker and darker as they fly into the darkness.

And one flies past you, but one hits you right in the chest. And for a second you feel the darkness of the arrow spread all over yourself. But then you realized you were born in the dark and you shake it off. But you still take, uh, that damage.

Amanda: I pull the arrow out, snarl a little, and change my position by about five feet.

Eric (as Alonzo): I know where you are. I know there’s something up there! I know I hit something! This is the part where you say something quippy back!

Amanda: Inara will not give him the satisfaction.

Eric: [laughs] That’s definitely fair. Okay, it is now the titans’ turn. The titan with the big hands and the titan with the scythe us Dash to get into the ring. And that is sixty feet. So, they pull themselves into the ring. And they are standing - and they are standing around the barrel. They're getting as close as possible and they're menacing over the barrel. The titan with the janky cannon is going to fire back at Kohl because that was mean, and you really shouldn't have done that.

Julia: Ouch.

[dice rolls]

Eric: Kohl does a 27 hit.

Julia: Oh god yep. Yeah, it really does.

[dice rolls]

Eric: Well, that was a critical one. [laughing] So…

Julia: Sweet…

Eric: Kohl, you take 10 points of damage, as you are hit directly with a ball of metal that flies through the air. But the other one drops on its toe, because it does not have a lot of experience being alive anymore.

Amanda: Aw...

Julia: Stinks.

Eric: Okay, it is now Tracey’s turn. Tracey, what are you doing?

Brandon: So, Tracey can't see what's happening. But he hears heavy footsteps on the ring above him. And assumes…probably not good. So, he's going to belly crawl out the other direction from underneath the ring. Come out that side and then get up into the ring, behind the barrel as cover, and then attack the guy that way.

Eric: Okay, great. So why don’t you make a Stealth check to see if you can sneak up on these guys.

[dice rolls]

Brandon: [whispers] Oh, nice!

[Amanda gasps]

Eric: Good dice!

Brandon: 16 for Stealth.

[Amanda & Julia imitate airhorns]

Eric: Yeah, okay. These titans are not smart. They don't really hear you as you're scrambling under. They're more focused on the glowing barrel and in their midst and you can sneak up behind them. Tracey, I want you to make a Perception check while you're sneaking.

Brandon: Okay.

[dice rolls]

Brandon: 17.

Eric: You like Scooby Doo style, stick your head up above the ring. You notice that the titans have battery packs on their back. These are like jankier versions of the batteries that you saw from your time in Infropolis.

Brandon: Oh! Interesting. Okay, so Tracey is going to climb up onto to the ring quietly, um flip on his rage switch, and grab his greataxe and come out from behind the barrel to attack the titan.

Eric: Okay, which one?

Brandon: I'm just gonna go for the slasher.

Eric: Sounds good.

[dice rolls twice]

Brandon: So, I get advantage on that. And the better roll was an 18.

Eric: Alright. Yeah, 18 hits.

Amanda: [enthused] Yeah, Brandon!

Julia: Yeah, boiii.

Eric: Look at this dice doing things!

[dice rolls]

Brandon: Oh, look at that! 12 + 3 + 2…

Amanda: Wow!!

Brandon: Is 17 damage.

Eric: Alright. [laughing] You did 17 damage.

Amanda: Yeah, BRAN-DON!!

[Amanda imitates airhorn]

Eric: Hot damn, okay.

Brandon: So, he does such a cool, good job on that swing on the ups on the bottom end of his downswing. He's gonna flip it right back up and come back down.

Eric: Sounds good.

[dice rolls twice]

Brandon: 23

Eric: [laughing at another good roll] Yeah. You done it. I think you knew that you hit that.

Brandon: Look. it's important me.

[dice rolls]

Not bad. 6 + 5 so 11 damage. Okay, yeah. [giggling] Yeah, you do slashing damage to cha boy. It hurts. It is - it isn't happy that it got slashed by a slasher. You get a sense…it doesn't say anything. You can see it from its face.

Alright, it is Alabaster’s turn. What does our good friend Al do?

Julia: AI is going to use one of his signature wrestling moves.

Eric: [excited] Oh!!!

Julia: And that's the spear.

Eric: [laughing heartily] Okay, what does that do?

Julia: A spear in wrestling is basically when you throw your entire body directly into someone like your body is a spear.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: Alabaster has a move called Charge, which, it is 2 d8 piercing damage, and the opponent has to succeed on a DC14 Strength throw or be thrown ten feet and knocked prone.

Eric: Okay.

[Julia rolls dice]

Julia: 19 I think?

Eric: Yeah, that hits.

Julia: Sweet. So that's 2 d8 + 4.

Eric: Okay.

[rolls dice again]

Julia: 2…

[rolls dice again]

And 5. 7 + 4 is 11.

Eric: Okay. Who are you doing that to?

Julia: Grapple boy.

Eric: Okay. And now you're going to add the charge?

Julia: Yes, please.

Eric: So, I take an extra 2 d8. And then I need to make a Strength saving throw.

Julia: Yes.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: I’m going to do the 2 d8, if you do not mind.

Eric: Do it.

[1st dice rolls]

Julia: 2.

[2nd dice rolls]

And 5 again. So, it was 11 + 7, which is 18.

Eric: [short pause] Well, the thing is that he did not fail it, he rolled a 20.

Julia: Dang.

Eric: So, Alabaster runs up and lowers his shoulder and does the damage tries to get himself into a spear, but the gravel titan holds your great robot wrestler off. If only not to get pushed out of the ring.

Julia: Fair.

Eric: You guys are so wrapped up in all of this Breaking Bad, that you don't notice that there is some very loud stomping happening outside of the arena.

[electronic synth music fades]

Hey, it’s Eric. Have you ever eaten something so delicious, you know you’ll remember it for the rest of your life? Maybe it pulls on a specific memory, or harkens to your cultural history, or you spent so much money on it, you better remember it. Whatever it is, I hope you wrote it down what you ate, where you ate it, what the weather was like as you were chewing. So, you can go back to it, and always remember the taste. Welcome to the midroll - mine is a blackberry apple pie with cheddar baked in the crust.

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[electronic music fades in]

All right! Now, let’s get back to the show.

Eric: And it's not just stomping. It's also running around. And there are some extremely loud barks. And busting through the side of the arena in a spray of seats, stone, and plaster, is the massive Oatcake.

Amanda: What is their mood?

Eric: They’re more just excited? Just like excitable and excited to see people who's not screaming and running away from them. They are slobbering everywhere, and they just want - they're just running around. They've been running rampant around Infropolis.

So, here's how the dog works. And this is on the initiative count of 1, the dog is going to do its thing. It's just destructive, it doesn't necessarily hate anyone. So, I'm going to roll a d20, and if it hits one of you, one of your initiatives, then you're going to get run over by the doge. However, everyone is up for us for getting hit by the doge. If it doesn't hit you, it will hit a part of the stadium [chuckling] and we'll see what happens.

Brandon: What if I gave it a good tummy rub?

Eric: On your turn you can use an action to try to interact with said giant Oatcake. So now, the dog is going to do some destruction!

[dice rolls]

Eric: Alright, I rolled a nat 20. No one is nat 20 luckily. So, the dog with nat 20 though, is going to just jump around and run directly through one side of the stadium and I need everyone to make Dexterity saving throws.

[Julia sighs]

[The giant Oatcake barks while rolls begin]

Amanda: 15.

[Julia rolls dice]

Julia: Uh, it's a 15 for Kohl and an 11 for Alabaster.

[Brandon rolls dice]

Brandon: 16 for our good boy Tracey.

Eric: Okay.

[Eric rolls dice]

Alabaster is the only one who did not get enough. So, the dog is going to run directly through one side of the stadium and concrete is flying everywhere. Everyone else hits the deck, except for Alabaster, who turns around and says,

Eric (as Alabaster): [excitedly oblivious] What a nice dog!!

Eric: And since it was a nat 20, he gets hit by SO much concrete!

Julia: [defeated] You rolled so many dice there…

Eric: [after a deep breath] And he takes 22 points of damage.

Amanda: No!

Julia: [disappointed] Ahh, my buddy boi!

Eric: So, the dog is going to come around every - every count of 1. So if you want to use your action to try to do something with the dog you can do it and lure it back, but it is going to pop off and do its thing every time that happens.

Julia: So I can activate the turret and move it 5 feet in a single turn, and I think that's what I'm going to end up doing.

Eric: Do it.

Julia: And then it creates a Cone of Flame that shoots out 15 feet!

Eric: [in reaction to the Cone of Flame] Oh!!

Amanda: [thrilled] Love those Cones of Flame! LOVE EM.

Eric: Little Sebastian the crab boy just waddles up and then is just like,

[Eric makes laser- like sound]

Julia: That glowing butt!

Eric: That was good.

Julia: That was flame.

Eric: So, what happens then?

Amanda: I like to think that he just burps and out comes a Cone of Flame.

Julia: So, with the Cone of Flame, each creature in the area must make a Dexterity saving throw against your spell DC, and then take 1 d8 fire damage on a failed save and a half as much damage on a successful one.

Eric: Okay, so I'm gonna make a Dexterity saving throw.

Julia: Yes, please.

[Eric rolls dice]

Amanda: So, is it outside the ring?

Julia: It's like kind of positioned itself within 5 feet of the ring because I set it up in the corner…

Amanda: Got it.

Julia: And moved 5 feet and is now flaming.

Eric: I got a 17.

Julia: You got it.

[Julia rolls dice]

That’s a 4 so it took 2 damage.

Eric: Alright.

Julia: Not great but...

Eric: A little singed, it got some color.

Julia: Mhm. So, I think - I think I still have an action.

Eric: Sounds good to me.

Julia: Cool. So, I'm going to do another attack against that one guy that I just singed a bit.

Eric: Do it.

Julia: Alright, it's going to be Thunder Cannon again. Let me see.

[Julia rolls dice]

Okay, so it's a 16 + 1.

Eric: Okay, that hits.

Julia: Alright sweet.

[Julia rolls again]

3. So it's 8 altogether.

Eric: Alright, yeah. You're doing some damage to this thing.

Julia: Heck yeah!

Eric: Inara it is now your turn.

Amanda: So, for my action, I'm going to take one more shot at Alonzo.

Eric: Okay.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: What am I rolling?

Eric: This roll is for your Stealth. You need to continue to stay stealthy. Up on the catwalk.

Amanda: Okay, so…[short pause] that was a 28.

[Amanda laughs heartily]

Eric: Okay. So, you can continue to have half cover if someone tries to fire at you.

Amanda: Okay, so I fire at Alonzo. What do I have to roll?

Eric: You need to roll a Ranged Attack.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: [disappointed] Beans. It is…a 10.

Eric: With a 10 you miss again.

[Julia & Amanda sigh]

You got rattled because you were hit by Shadow Arrow. So, you fire again, and this one lands at his feet.

Eric (as Alonzo): YOU CAN’T HIT ME, I AM TOO POWERFUL. [evil dramatic laughing] That felt wrong coming out of not my mouth. I can’t - I'm still getting used to this. Is that a…please - don't judge me for using someone else's body to laugh, dramatically.

Amanda: While still in the rafters while Alonzo’s possessor is talking to himself, I'm going to open up my bag of tricks! And throw a ball of yarn into the air.

Eric: [excited] Oh my god, I forgot you want a bag of tricks!

Julia: [whisper chanting] Panther, panther, panther!

Amanda: I got 2 more left.

Eric: Roll a d8 to see what kind of boy you have.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: It’s a 6.

Eric: Okay, you…

[Eric laughs wholeheartedly]

Amanda: Oh no…

Julia: Oh boy.

Amanda: My least favorite sound in the world is Eric laughing.

Eric: Okay you throw it down and the - the yarn unspools, and it quickly knits itself into a giant badger. So, the badger is going to act on your initiative after you, and then I'm going to give it its own independent one for the dog situation.

Amanda: Sure. And as your sneaky rogue girl, I have one more bonus action per Fast Hands.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Which is a rogue thing. And what I'm going to do is…while I'm in my pack, I'm going to pull out the Rust potion that I made during potion chopped in arc number 1, [yelling in excitement] I REMEMBER!! I REMEMBERED!!!!!

Julia: Oh. My. God.

[Everyone yells in disbelief]

Eric: Oh no!!!

[Brandon laughing]

Julia: How do you remember things?!?

Amanda: And I'm going to throw it like a baseball, right at the slingshot titan.

Eric: Alright, the range titan. That's great. Alright, so…

Amanda: This is outside the range. The badger is doing what’s he’s going to do. Yeah.

Eric: Tracey is also going to get out of a way!

[Brandon & Eric chuckling]

Amanda: Tracey is in the ring. He's fine!

Eric: Alright, so the range one is going to consistently make a Constitution saving throw. It needs to be a DC 13 Constitution saving throw to not get eaten by rust. So right now, it has -1 to all things.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: -1 to everything. Hot damn Inara. Alright, now it’s your badger’s turn. What would you like your badger to do?

Amanda: I want the badger to rear up on its hind legs and fall onto one of the titans.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Like it's trying to just hug it to the ground.

Eric: Okay, what… [giggling] Which one?

Amanda: The….large hands. I mean, the badger I'm assuming is kind of heavy. I want to like, push them through the floor of the ring.

Eric: Okay…

Amanda: If not, just lay on top of him.

Eric: Yeah, so I want to say that this badger is trying to grapple - the grappler? So, I want you to make a Strength contest. We're going to contest each other’s things.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: 17.

Eric: Oh!! I got a 16!

Amanda: [enthusiastically yelling] Yeah!!! HONEY BADGER DON’T CARE.

[Brandon & Eric chuckle]

Eric: Giant badger don't care! So, the giant badger is now laying on top of the grappling…this was a good the one that is good at grappling!

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: And somehow the badger is just florped on top of it!

Amanda: The badger is just taking a little nap! Just taking it all in! So, it’s currently stuck underneath the um…

Amanda: [happily shouting] GIANT BADGERRRR.

[Eric laughing heartily]

[continues shouting] YEAH!!!!!!

Eric: Oh, gee whiz! Alright, it is now Alonzo’s turn. Alonzo is going to get as far away from the ring as possible. And Alonzo is going get all of you guys in a line and he's going to do, the actually, Piercing Arrow so I want Kohl, Tracey, Alabaster, and the badger, all need to make Dexterity saving throws.

[Julia sighs, everyone rolls]

Julia: Alright.

Amanda: Badger got 14 with some modifier, right?

Julia: Alabaster got a 12, and Kohl got a non-natural 20.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: Hey Tracey also got [short pause for effect] a non-natural 20.

[Amanda & Julia react in excitement]

Eric: Alright, so Alabaster is…

Julia: Just taking so much damage.

Eric: Alabaster is the only one who did not get who do not get out of the way. So, I rolled 20 so everyone who - who got their saving throw is, takes 10 points of damage and Alabaster is going to take the full 20.
Julia: Okay.

Brandon: And that is halved for me because I'm raging.

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: What's the badgers HP?

Eric: The badger has 13 HP, so the badger is still doing okay. It’s still got 3 points of HP. Alonzo lines as many of you up in a row. He pulls his bow back, and this is like you're charging up a bow in a video game, it literally starts to glow at the tip. And he fires it off and you guys try to get out of the way as much as possible, but it gets your hand or your foot but Alabaster once again is like,

Eric (as Alabaster): [still excitedly oblivious] There's a badger!!!

Eric: And just gets fully whacked right through the chest.

Amanda: Aw, poor Al.

Julia: [laughing] My poor, poor son.

Amanda: The badger just got hit on – on - on the top of the butt.

Eric (as Alonzo): [sternly to the titans] Don't worry about them, get the barrel! We need the barrel!

Eric: It is now the titans turn to do a roll. For the granular, I’m going to do a roll to try to get out from underneath the badger.

[Eric rolls dice]

So, Amanda, I want you to make another Strength roll.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: That’s a crit 1. I think the badger’s butt hurts too much.

Eric: Aw, he got too hurt on his butt.

Brandon: [softly] His butt hurts.

Amanda: Oh no…

Eric: So, the titan’s going to throw the badger off and it's going to get its full action. The range one is going to fire at the badger. Umm…

[dice rolls]

Well the badger’s armor class is 10… [chuckles] and it was an 11.

Julia: [softly] Oh no…

Eric: So, the badger gets hit by a flying piece of metal fired from the range titan and the badger has fought valiantly and it unspools back into yarn.

Julia: Aw, badger…

Brandon: Badger did good.

Eric: The scythe titan is going to attack Tracey?

Brandon: [confidently] Bring it ON.

[Eric rolls dice]

Eric: I got an 11.

Brandon: That does not hit.

[Eric rolls again]

Eric: I got another 11.

Brandon: That also does not hit!

Eric: Okay the scythe tries to slash at you, but you've seen this slashing before.

Brandon: Yeah, it thinks I'm a child!

Eric: It's true. And the grappler is going to try to pick up the barrel.

[Eric rolls dice]

Brandon: How strong is this grappler?

Eric: Very strong. And it got a…23? So, it's going to pick up the barrel and put it over one shoulder and then try to run and going to start running out of the ring. It is pretty heavy, so its speed is a little bit slowed. So, he just hops out of the ring with the barrel over one shoulder.

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, not so fast!

Amanda: [chuckling] Comes a high voice from outside the ring.

[Eric & Amanda laughing]

And Inara yells,

Amanda (as Inara): [commanding] Geyser!!

Amanda: So, Mr. Sippy is going to activate from underneath the ring and shoot a geyser’s worth of water up through the floor, splintering the floor, and shooting water up so high that it almost hits the jumbotron.

Eric: Okay, yeah, I think I'm going to do a Dex saving throw, but I think it's going to be pretty difficult.

[Eric rolls dice]

[chuckling] Well, I rolled a 4.

Amanda: Yep.

Eric: So, the grappler is going to get hit by your massive, terrible, geyser.

Amanda: Geyser? Yep, uh-huh!

Eric: It takes 10 points of damage and drops the barrel.

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: So now the barrel is on the far left side of the ring.

Amanda: Tight.

Brandon: You can’t tell that I'm dancing but it's cool.

Amanda: Aw yeah!

Eric: The titan needs to make a Constitution saving throw. The ranged titan fights off the rust for 1 turn, but it still has -1.

It is now Tracey’s turn.

Brandon: So, Tracey is going to try to beef up his defenses a little bit. He's going to use the shield of expression and pull it out from his pack. And he's going to whisper,

Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] My friends are in trouble.

Brandon: And look solemn at the shield.

Eric: Okay. Roll a Charisma roll.

Brandon: [sarcastically] Tracey’s favorite roll!

[Brandon rolls dice]

13.

Eric: Alright, with a 13, you convince it! It looks solemnly back at you and resolute and you get +2 to your AC.

Brandon: Great! So, with the aura that, he just like throws the shield back in his pack so he can continue to use his double headed ax and he's going to take another couple of swings at my scythe boy.

Eric: Okay, do it.

[Brandon rolls dice]

Brandon: 23 for the first.

Eric: [chuckling] Yeah, you knew that hit.

Brandon: I just like to say it out loud.

Eric: Alright.

Amanda: Yeahhh.

[Brandon rolls again]

Brandon: [reacting to roll] Oh…that's not great. 6 damage there.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: And then my extra attack.

[Brandon rolls dice again]

13?

Eric: 13 does not hit.

Brandon: Okay. So, Tracey takes one big swing and takes a big old chunk out of his metal stupid head. And then takes it on the upswing but misses the second time.

Eric: Alright. It is now Alabaster’s turn.

Julia: Now, Tracey noticed that the battery packs were on the backs of these things right?

Eric: Mhm.

Julia: But no one else did.

Eric: I mean you can make a Perception check, if you would like to. This is Alabaster making a Perception check.

Julia: [chuckling] You know what, Alabaster actually has +7 to Perception…

[all laughing]

Eric: WHAT?!?

Amanda: Wow!

Brandon: Are his eyes just binoculars?

Julia: And it's an 8 + 7.

Eric: [laughs] Okay with an 8 + 7 , yeah. Alabaster also sees that there are battery packs on these scrap titan idiots.

Julia: I think what Alabaster is going to do, and you're going to tell me how to do this, because I'm not entirely sure. I think he wants to like choke slam the grappler, but not from the neck, but rather from the battery pack?

Eric: [laughing] Okay, that's fine. I’m going to say this is another Strength contest against the grappler.

Julia: Okay, cool.

[Julia rolls dice]

That is a 19!

Eric: God damn.

Julia: That scared me.

Brandon: A definitive 19.

[Eric rolls dice]

Eric: Okay. I got a…21.

Julia: Aw, beans!

[All laugh]

Eric: With the 21, Alabaster tries to get the – the [laughs] titan – the grappler titan up from like it’s lower…. In my head it was like it's lower back is where the battery back is? And it’s just like, there's not enough gravity for that.

Julia: Aw…he's gonna stand in between the grappler and the barrel then.

Eric: Sounds good. Alright, it is now initiative one again, and the dog is barking loudly and just wants to play y'all!

[Eric rolls dice]

Eric: Alright, the dog rolled a 3. Nobody is a 3. This time it smells the nacho stand and picks it up and it starts eating the hot nacho cheese. But it's too hot and it throws the cheese in all directions.

[Amanda & Julia chuckling]

And I need you all to make Constitution saving throws about whether or not the cheese is too hot for you to handle your skin.

[Everyone rolls dice]

Julia: Oh no…oh no.

Amanda: [sadly] I - I got a 4.

Julia: So, Kohl got a 19, but Alabaster rolled a – a crit 1.

Eric: [laughing in reaction to the roll] Alabaster’s like,

Eric (as Alonzo): [yelling in excitement] CHEESE!!!!!

[All laughing]

Amanda: He made himself real big as a shield but then he got hit with cheese.

[Julia continues laughing]

Brandon: Uh, this may not surprise you, but Tracey's had a lot of nachos in his life, so he's used to the -the temperature ,so he got a non-natural 20.

Eric: The cheese spray.

Julia: Can you teach Alabaster your ways Tracey?

[Eric rolls dice]

Amanda: Inara doesn’t know what nachos are. So, she is just wondrous and enraptured, and got a 4.

Eric: Okay, everyone who failed get takes, um, 11 points of damage.

Julia: [whispers under breath] Oh my god.

Amanda: [teasing] What was the DC? You mean it’s higher than a 4?

Eric: It’s higher than 4.

[Julia chuckles]

But also, all of the titans failed because they are defenseless little boys. And Alonzo also got hit by cheese. Out of confusion he's going to run towards the ring. He's now closer to y'all.

Kohl, whatcha got?

Julia: Kohl’s going to turn around and look at her poor poor boy…

Eric: He’s like,

Eric (as Alonzo): [in pain] I LOVE TOO MANY THINGS!

Julia (as Kohl): Aw, buddy! You're covered in cheese.

Eric (as Alonzo): It hurts! It hurts everywhere!!!

Amanda: No!! Rude!

Julia: My poor boy. Well, Kohl is going to feel really bad about that…and that’s her turn.

[Eric & Julia laughing]

Eric: She’s going to sit and think about the idea of playing god. And then she’s going to end her turn.

[Brandon chuckling]

Julia: Okay, well I'm going to activate the turret again. Flame Thrower.

Eric: Okay, yeah, I didn't move the range guy . You can do that again.

Julia: Constitution saving throw.

Eric: Okay.

[Eric rolls dice]

Alright, I got a 21.

Julia: Yeah, that's gonna beat it. But I still - you still take half damage and it's 1 d8.

[Eric rolls dice]

So it's 5 damage.

Eric: Okay, have that. I’d say that’s a 3.

Julia: I think Kohl was gonna then turn around and shoot at the grappler while he's still grappled with Alabaster.

[Julia rolls dice]

That is a 15.

Eric: That hits.

Julia: Cool.

[Julia rolls again]

5 + 3. So, it is 12 damage and it's directly at his like battery core, ideally.

Eric: Okay, um…

Amanda: Just say it with confidence Julia…

Julia: [with gusto] Right at his battery core!!

Amanda: And if it’s not we’ll deal.

Eric: Would you like to try to shoot it at the battery core?

Julia: Yes.

Eric: Okay, so then I need you to make a – another ranged attack.

Julia: Come on!

[Julia rolls dice]

[sounding pleasantly surprised] Okay. 16 + 1. So, 17 +3. Non-natural 20.

Eric: Okay, yeah, you hit it right in the energy core. I mean because you fired right of the energy core, I'm just going to double your damage for you.

Julia: Woooo!

Eric: So that was 24 damage!

Julia: Yeah!

Eric: It got blasted by a geyser. It is getting all roughed up by Alabaster and you just fired…[giggling] you like put your gun directly on top of its battery so it is looking pretty bad.

Julia: Sweet.

Eric: Inara, it is your turn.

Amanda: Inara’s gonna put the neutralizer kind of resting on her shoulder, and start to walk toward the Council of Bright, um, looking really relaxed, really nonchalant. Shadow cowl is around her neck, it's not activated. And say,

Amanda (as Inara): [with attitude] I just think it's really funny that you think you can win.

Eric (as Alabaster): [with sass] I think it's really funny that you think you have any idea what's going on here. You're just a girl stuck between the Battle of Worlds. I am the rock and the hard place. Please…please. You think this intimidation is going to work on me? I made that. That was me. I was the first person to talk trash before landing an ax directly between your eyeballs. So please - please do not step to me like that. Don't do that to the master.

Amanda (as Inara): [confidently] See, that's the thing. It's when you think you're the master of a system that you can be truly surprised.

Eric (as Alabaster): [calmly] I saw people like you. I remember. You lived in the trees. You built little huts that fit under there. I can tell by the scuff on your boots, the way that dirt just lingers around with you. You hide it with darkness I know how that works. I burn those. The huts. The forests. I cut them down.

Us, we, I - it's all the same. We all did it. I did it. So, if you’re going to take the shot, know what you're doing.

Amanda (as Inara): Do you really get satisfaction from beating down the things you created? From beating down people who have no chance of fighting back? If this is such a sure battle, then why are you here fighting it yourself?

Eric (as Alabaster): First of all, it’s not me. Second of all…

Amanda: Inara shoots him.

[Amanda dice rolls]

14.

Eric: Yeah, with 14 you miss. It goes wide right. Looks back at you and says,

Eric (as Alabaster): [with snark] To answer your question. Yeah. I love it.

Amanda: Inara is going to smile, take something out of her back pocket and yell,

Amanda (as Inara): [yells] FETCH!

Amanda: And throw a stick directly at Council of Bright’s forehead.

Eric: [laughing] Alright, I want you to roll…

[Eric continues laughing while Amanda rolls]

Roll Animal Handling.

Amanda: 6.

Eric: Okay. With a 6…

Amanda: Am I not proficient in Oatcakes?

Eric: Yeah, I’ll give you an advantage because [chuckling] you know dogs.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: 15

Eric: Okay. With the stick of fetching, [giggling] it hits the Council of Bright right in the face, and he goes,

Eric (as Alabaster): [irritated] Ow! What is this!?

[Julia & Amanda chuckling]

Eric: He looks up, and…where’s Oatcake right now?

Amanda: Oatcake is at the side of the arena. So, sort of like, on the on the skinny side of the oval all the way against the boards, snoozing in my pack. With some oatcakes next to her in case she gets hungry.

Eric: Okay, as you throw the stick of fetching, you hear this quick scampering as Oatcake is running full bore at the Council of Bright. It’s like wide-eyed and mouth open tongue flapping in the wind. And as she's doing that, you also hear very loud panting. As…

[Eric laughs]

Amanda: Is it like is it like a rainforest suddenly with like moist, wet…?

Eric: It’s moist all of a sudden.

Amanda: Warm?

Eric: Then you see that the giant Oatcake is running at the Council of Bright/Alonzo. The body Alonzo looks up it goes,

Eric (as Alabaster): Oh no…

Eric: Then both Oatcake and the giant Oatcake run straight at him? Them? I don't even know what to call a possessed body anymore. They both collide with Alonzo, an Oatcake poofs towards you and holds the stick of fetching. And then disappears. The body Alonzo is smushed underfoot, very cartoony, like you see that there's a full footprint in the floor. And Alonzo is going to be stuck in there for their turn.

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: It is now the titans’ turn. The ranged attack titan is going to fire it Alabaster. So, what does Alabaster’s AC?

Julia: 14.

Eric: Cool.

[Eric rolls dice]

That is 16.

[Eric rolls again]

And that is 17.

Julia: [whispers under breath] Oh geez…

[Eric rolls again]

Eric: 19 damage.

Julia: Oh no…

Eric: Alabaster has 4 points of HP left. Something interesting happens to the grappler and the slashing damage. Tracey you might recognize this look before. They get these like, very glassy eyes, like even more so for a construct that doesn't really have anything going on. There's like a gear inside that needs to like chug harder because they've been kicked around so much. You hear the whirring of the overclocked fans inside of them. The grappler is going to try to pick up the barrel again.

[Eric rolls dice]

And that time I rolled a 15, which is not going to do it.

Julia: [whispers] Wooo…

Eric: And now the slasher is going to roll over and tried to pick up the barrel as well.

[Eric rolls dice]

And also is not going to do it.

Amanda: Aha!

Eric: And so now they're also - they're like pushed up on Alabaster and like crowding him as well and they're surrounding the barrel on the left side of the ring.

It is now…Tracey’s turn.

Brandon: How are the… two - my two friends and my good - my good time pals in the arena looking?

Eric: Pretty bad!

Brandon: Is one of them looking worse off than the other?

Eric: Uh, yeah. The grappler’s looking worse than the slasher.

Brandon: Tracey is going to take some swings at the grappler!

Eric: Do it!

[Brandon rolls dice]

Brandon: 24.

Eric: [chuckling] Yeah, yes. That hits.

Amanda: [cheering softly] Yeah! Go Brandon!! I believe in you!

Brandon: It’s 11 damage for that swing.

Amanda: [continuing to cheer] Yeah!!

Eric: Okay, so with 11 damage the grappler…you know those Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? How they just like kind of fall over?

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: It's like that. It just like boots down and then leans over while still standing.

Brandon: So if Tracey swings his ax and hits and connects with the grappler and the grappler falls over, on the back half of the swing behind him, he's going to try to take a swing up at the slasher as well.

Eric: Yeah, sounds good.

Brandon: Without even looking!

Eric: Just like, no scope?

Brandon: No scope. There is a scope on his ax though.

[Brandon rolls dice]

23.

Eric: Yes, that hits.

Brandon: It hits? Does it hit?

Eric: Yes, Brandon. I know that this is your first time rolling well…

[Brandon rolls again]

Amanda: [continuing to cheer] I believe in you!! Good job!! Killing it!! Killing them!!

Brandon: That one's 8 damage.

Eric: Yeah, you slashed into the slasher and give it a taste of its own medicine!

Brandon: Yes, slightly less power behind that one because it was an underhand ax attack you know…

Eric: And you no- scoped it.

Brandon: And I no-scoped it, yeah. That’s true.

Eric: It is now Alabaster’s turn. Alabaster has poor HP, just so you know.

Julia: Yep, I know.

Eric: Just letting you know.

Julia: I think he's gonna grab the slasher and try to do that spinebuster.

Eric: Okay, do it! This is gonna be another grapple check.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: So the strength and strength.

[Julia & Eric roll dice]

Julia: Not great, it is an 11.

Eric: I got 15.

Amanda: Yeah…

Julia: God damn it Al.

Eric: So yeah, Alabaster goes for a big old smash but again the slasher, like I guess ribs him with a scythe? And it's just too pointy to do a big smash. So, the dog is now revved up from getting a good time fetch from Inara, so I'm just going to roll this Strength.

[Eric rolls dice and then laughs heartily]

Julia: Is it Alabaster’s?

Eric: [still laughing] Oh my god!

Brandon: It’s Alabaster’s isn’t it?

Eric: No!

[Julia nervously laughs]

I rolled a 14, which listeners at home might recognize as Alonzo’s.

[Everyone cheers]

Okay, I think at this point…

Amanda: This dog just wants to play!

Eric: Yeah, I think the dog like thinks that Alonzo is going to throw the stick…

Amanda: Yeah! Cause that's where the stick went!

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: The dog didn’t see Oatcake blink away with it! So, he thinks Alonzo has it!

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: If Alonzo is it the stick…

Eric: So, the dog is now like pushed on top of Alonzo and Alonzo will continue to be stuck on top of the dog for the time being.

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: So Inara, you can pretty much just get a point-blank shot on…

Amanda: That’s what I intend to do.

Eric: So if you shoot at Alonzo, I will just give it to you.

Kohl whatcha doing?

Julia: Kohl is seeing that Alabaster is struggling and is just going to take another shot again at the battery on the slasher.

Eric: Alright. I want you to go double or nothing so you gotta hit the AC twice.

Julia: Okay.

[Julia rolls dice]

Amanda: It’s like watching a baby try to roll over…

Julia: [muttering] Nope, that’s not going to do it…

Amanda: You’re just like, “Oh Darlin”.

Julia: That's just not going to do it.

Eric: You are so concentrated on trying to shoot the battery that you're like, “Look at that dog!”

Alright Inara…

Julia: [interrupting] Oh, and sorry, the cannon guy gets sprayed again by the turret. Yep.

Brandon: Turret? Use his god-given name!

Julia: Yep, sorry. He gets sprayed by Sebastian, the turret.

Eric: What's the…? What am I trying to beat?

[Eric rolls dice]

Julia: Um, 14.

Eric: I got an 8.

Julia: Sweet.

Eric: So it's full damage.

[dice rolls]

Julia: Okay, so it’s a 5.

Eric: Okay, alright, so it takes 5 damage. Yeah, this one is looking at p bad as well.

Alright Inara, it's your turn.

Amanda: I am going to stand about 3 feet away from the Council of Bright and shoot the neutralizer into the middle of his chest.

Eric: Alright The only amount of chest that is peeking out from underneath the massive Oatcake you have now covered in grossness, and slowly - it's like slowly going up his body. And I guess Alonzo is just trying to push up against the dog so for his turn he has to spend the whole time trying to get out from underneath the doge.

Julia: How’s his aura looking?

Eric: It’s pretty bad. It's like there's a literal dimmer switch on the aura. So first it was like angry and bright and now it's like a little bit lower and now it's like a lot lower. It’s like this is mood lighting of his aura.

Julia: Alright.

Amanda: While I'm this close, do I notice anything? Is he wearing any kind of battery, or tool, or necklace, or anything?

Eric: Yeah, sure. The entire time the medallion is spinning. Which is odd because of the amount of, you know, how gravity works and how that would be super strange. You also - I want you to make an Investigation check.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: Crit 1.

Eric: You're too busy considering how much this looks like a moth turning into a cocoon that you can't really look at anything that’s going on.

Amanda: Well, I will try then to get the medallion over Alonso's neck with my hands.

Eric: Okay. I like that. I think that you reach down for it and I think that the body Alonzo is too stuck within the goop to really resist. But you try to put your hands on the necklace, and you feel a literal energy coursing through you. Like 1000 volts shocks you back. And you just cannot touch it. So, while he's still held down, Alonzo is gonna try to wiggle his way out from under the dog.

[Eric rolls dice]

He's still stuck under them big old dog hands!

Julia: So intimidating!

Eric: Or as other people call them, paws!

[Brandon & Amanda giggle]

It is now the titan’s turn, and a quick Rust potion update! It saved once against the Rust potion and it failed once and it failed once on a crit, so now it has -4 to all rolls and it is only one thing away from getting totally disintegrated by itself!

Amanda: Aw yeah!

Eric: This is like an abandoned car in a lot. It’s like you see holes through this thing now. So, the slasher is going to go at Tracey again…

Brandon: Let’s go! Come on!

Amanda: Bring it!

Brandon: Let's go!

Eric: Does a 22 hit?

Brandon: NO!

Eric: You’re a liar.

Brandon: Yeah, I am.

Eric: See?! How does it feel seeing high things above 20 and it actually hits you!?

Brandon: Feels good.

Eric: It does! It’s like the feeling is coursing through me!

Brandon: It’s why I do it.

Eric: And I got a crit 1! [laughing] So it only happened once! Uh, yeah. Tracey only takes 7 points of damage.

Brandon: Alright.

Eric: I rolled very poorly on that.

Brandon: And only half of that because I’m raging. Oh, man. I’m in such dire strait with my AC points.

Eric: It is now the range attack person and the range attack person knows that Alabaster is vulnerable so it's going to go for the [intensely] killing blow. I rolled a 17.

Julia: [regretfully] That hits…

Brandon: Oh, no.

Amanda: [sadly] Al…

Brandon: [defeatedly] Al…

Amanda: In the arms of an angel. But not the Council of Bright because it seems like there's some factions stuff going on up there.

Eric: I got 7 points of damage so Alabaster is down.

Julia: My boy…

Eric: Uh…

Brandon (as Tracey): [devastated] AL!!!!

Eric: The metal just went right through his energy core and it's a little…

[Everyone sighs]

Alabaster then leans over like a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robot boy that he is. As we're mourning Alabaster, he is gonna fire at Tracey.

[Eric rolls dice]

Yeah, that misses.

Tracey, something interesting happens to the grappler. The grappler then shoots back up and the battery on its back just whirs back to life. And it goes back to running up to the barrel, trying to pick it up again. The grappler got a 22 and it picks up the barrel and carrying on the barrel on one shoulder, it backs out of the ring and it's starting to run towards Alonzo, Inara, and the big doge. It's encumbered by the big barrel, so it only gets like 10 feet out. It is now Tracey’s turn.

Brandon: [solemnly] Tracey slowly lowers his one and only friend.

[Amanda & Julia make sounds of sad acknowledgement]

Best friend. Seeing the grappler take off, Tracey is going to wheel around, aim his Thunder Cannon directly at his face and fire.

[Brandon rolls dice]

That’s an 8.

Eric: With an 8, you miss. You were so overcome by grief that yeah, you’ve missed wildly.

Brandon: That's fair. Uh, I’m going to take a second action.

[Brandon rolls again]

14!

Eric: Yeah, that attack misses.

Brandon: Okay, then Tracey's just gonna rush over as last movement.

Eric: Just trying to get up on this?

Brandon: Just trying to get up close yeah.

Julia: Don’t get too close though.

Brandon: I can go up to 40 feet, so I think he probably is up with them, right?

Brandon: Yeah. You are like crowding the grappler and the barrel at this point. You can't do much, yeah.

Eric: So now it's back to the doges turn, so I'm going to roll again

[Eric rolls dice]

Okay, I rolled an 8. So, with an 8, the dog realizes that the Council of Bright is really not gonna do anything fun for it. So, it decided to run and play around instead and it runs through the stands and searches, just like bashing bleachers and seats everywhere. So, I need everyone to make to make a Dexterity saving throw.

[Everyone rolls dice]

Brandon: The wrestling federation is going to be so mad at us.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: 17.

Julia: [disappointed] A 4…

Brandon: 10.

Eric: Okay. Kohl, Tracey and all of the bad guys are all going to take some damage!

[Eric rolls dice]

Well I rolled three 1s in a row, you lucky bastards.

Amanda: Yay…

Eric: Look at this! Look at this craziness!

Amanda: It’s true.

Eric: Oh my god, this is unreal. So, everyone only takes three points of damage.

Brandon: What's half of 3 Eric?

Eric: 1 ½. Put that on your sheet however you so choose.

[Brandon laughs]

Okay, it is now Kohl’s turn. So, let me remind you the grappler has the barrel on its shoulder and the slasher and the ranged are still up and popping. Alonzo/The Council of Bright has picked himself up from underneath the dog now the dog has ran away and is pretty goo-covered.

Julia: So, Sebastian, the turret, is going to change position. He was firing at the ranged attack titan first. He's now going to focus on the grappling titan who has the barrel and unfortunately, probably also hit Tracey.

Brandon (as Tracey): My one friend!

Eric: My other one friend! – the grappler says.

Julia: Yeah, Kohl is not doing hot but is also on a mission. So…

Eric: Alright, let's do Dexterity saving throws.

[Everyone rolls]

Eric: I got an 18.

Julia: Yep.

Brandon: I got a 14.

Julia: Yes.

Eric: Okay, so we both save. Yes, roll that d8.

[rolls dice]

Julia: That is a 7. Okay. You take half of that, which is 4.

Eric: Alright, the grappler is still up and kicking.

Julia: Alright.

Eric: And Kohl, what are you doing on your turn?

Julia: The grappler seems like the best target right now. He's more pressing. So, Kohl is going to, again, take another shot with her Thunder Cannon!

Brandon (as Tracey): Don’t hit me this time, please!!

Julia (as Kohl): Gonna try my best bud.

Eric: Okay.

[Julia rolls dice]

Julia: Okay, so it’s a 15.

Eric: Okay, 15 hits the ground floor.

Julia: Sweet.

[Julia rolls again]

2 + 3. So that's an 8.

Eric: Okay, you do enough damage to down the grappler. So, the granular again, goes down into turned off Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robot mode and drops the barrel kind of just like at its feet. So, Tracey you're just like read up on the barrel.

Julia: I am gonna say I'm going to move towards the barrel because I do not want to be near the slasher.

Eric: Okay, so you slip out of the ropes and…

Julia: A baseball slides out.

Eric: Very good. Kohl knows what she’s doing. Alright, Inara it is your turn.

Amanda: Taking one more shot.

Eric: Okay.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: [disappointed] It’s a 10…

Eric: No, no!

Amanda: My mojo!

Eric: It took your mojo away!

Amanda: What if I did like a front flip and then shot him. Then could I use acrobatics?

Eric: Alright. If you get above a 20 for your acrobatics roll, I will give you advantage so you can roll your ranged again.

Amanda: Let’s do it.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Well, an 8+11 is a 19.

Eric: And that is not over 20. Unfortunately.

[Julia sighs]

I think that you still do your cool flips, but like you just cannot land this. I think that the Council of Bright has got in your head.

Eric (as Alonzo): Team. I don't even want to learn your real name. I'm just gonna call you team. You're over your head. This is too much for you. I am too much! This whole thing is too much. Once I get my hands on the battery and the star goes out, it's over. The whole thing is over. And I can show you what I'm going to do.

Eric: And Alonzo/Council of Bright is going to pull an arrow out of his quiver and fire it right into your chest. Does 17 hit?

Amanda: Yep.

Eric: Make a DC Wisdom saving throw.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: 17.

Eric: Okay, with a 17 you pass that. So again, he pulls the arrow out of his quiver and fires and although once again, the arrow turns into a shadow and tries to cover you in darkness once again. But of course, you fight it off with positive thoughts.

Amanda: What’s the damage?

[Eric rolls dice]

Eric: 21 and then, uh 7 points of psychic damage. So that's 28 damage in total. Before he ends his turn, Alonzo is going to walk down towards the barrel. And he's going to try to meet the grappler if it picks up the barrel and walks towards him. Now the grappler is going to pick itself back up and try to pick up the barrel once again.

[Eric rolls dice]

Brandon: [sarcastically] Great! I'm looking forward to it.

Eric: Okay, I got a 21 and the grappler once again picks up the barrel and now has run the barrel over to Alonzo. And Alonzo puts his hands on the barrel.

Eric (as Alonzo): I can feel it. This is good. This is very very good.

Brandon: [angrily yelling] I’M GOING TO CUT YOUR HEAD OFF!

Eric (as Alonzo): I’d like to see you try.

Eric: The ranged is going to attack at Tracey. Because Tracey likes to yell.

[Eric rolls dice]

That is a 2, so that is not going to hit. And that is a 20…

Brandon: Yes, that hits.

Eric: It’s 25.

Brandon: Okay, good.

Eric: Okay good. So that one hits you, it takes…

[Eric rolls again]

14 points of damage which is halved to 7, for good old raging Tracey there.

Julia: Oh no…

Eric: And the slasher is also going to go at Tracey.

[Eric rolls dice]

Eric: That is 22. Does that hit?

Brandon: You know it does.

Eric: [chuckling] It does. And, 17? I actually want to know, does that hit?

Brandon: Yeah, it does.

Eric: Okay, then you're gonna take…

[Eric rolls dice]

[Eric rolls again]

11…32 points of damage.

Julia: [whispers] Dang…

The slasher does more damage than before. This is the first time the slasher is actually does it. So just like hops out of the ring and just carves an X into your back. But you take 16 points of damage.

It is now Tracey's turn.

Brandon: How far away is grapple boy?

Eric: They have now ran only like 20 feet away and Alonzo and the grapple boy are on top of the barrel.

Brandon: Tracey is going to make a running tackle of the goofus also known as Alonzo

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: So, we're going to do a Strength contest.

Eric: A Strength contest, yeah.

Brandon: And I have advantage.

Eric: Oh, well, that’s fun.

[Brandon rolls dice]

Brandon: Good, good. That was a 1.

[Eric chuckles while Brandon rolls again]

Brandon: 19?

Eric: I rolled lower than that. Yeah, what do you do?

Brandon: I tackle him and just for flavor. I'm gonna start punching him in the face.

Eric: [laughing] Okay.

Brandon: That's not an attack. I'm just hitting him.

Eric: You just doing it, like,

Eric (as Alonzo): NO! Okay, I got it! You tackled me!

Brandon: Yeah. And I'm going to keep hitting him.

Eric: That's fine.

Brandon: Until someone tells me to stop.

Eric: That's fine. You can give you continue to keep doing that.

Brandon: It’s called rage.

Eric: [chuckling] Oh, yeah. That’s good. It's built into my character.

Now back to the dog. I'm rolling the dog again. The dog is just getting a full range, it’s just running around the stadium.

Brandon: I love this dog.

[Eric rolls dice]

Amanda: It's going to do a good nap later.

Eric: I rolled a 19…

Julia: Oh no, that's my number.

Eric: That is Kohl’s number.

Julia: [nervously laughing] Oh no!!

Brandon: Oh no!

Julia: Guess who has the lowest amount of health points right now?

Brandon: Alabaster.

Julia: Hey!

Eric: [laughs] Alright.

[Eric rolls dice]

Brandon: That's a lot of dice, Eric.

Julia: Look at how many dice he did…

Eric: [surprised] Okay, you actually got away pretty alright. So, the dog is just distracted and is following the smell of nachos. Once again, there are two different nacho stands, by the way. So, it’s just trying to find that smell again and is running around and Kohl unfortunately, as you slid out from the ring’, you are within the dogs path. And although I rolled 5 d6, you got away pretty good, with only 12 points of damage.

Julia: [sadly] Still not a great number for me.

Eric: That's not good. Alright, it is 19 for Kohl. We are coming one more time back around to Kohl.

Brandon: What's your life at?

Julia: Um, I have 7 HP points. Kohl is going to hit the button on her chest that activates her Buzz Lightyear jet pack wings.

Eric: Nice.

Julia: And is going to zoom zoom over to where Tracey is which is about, what, 30 feet away?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: And I think what she's going to do, and you can tell me if Alonzo needs to make a roll or whatever, but I think Kohl is going to try and pick him up and just fly him 30 feet in the air.

Eric: Oh, Jesus. Okay, so yeah. We're gonna have to do another Strength.

Julia: Uh huh.

Eric: Because Tracey has him pinned down…

Brandon: And punching him in the face.

Eric: And punching him in the face. I will let you do this. But it’s going to be another contest. I'm going to use Dexterity to get out of the way. You have to use Strength.

Julia: Sweet. Well, that's not going to be great for me.

Eric: I know. But that’s what happens…

Julia: I know. I know.

[dice rolls]

Uh…it's a 15

Eric: Alright, I got a 20.

Julia: Alright, yep, that sounds right.

Eric: So, I think with a 15, you can grab him and you drag him like 10 feet to the left, which is fine, but you do not pick him up. And Buzz Lightyear seismic toss and you go around the moon? You can't do that.

Julia: Okay. I'll try it next time.

Eric: Inara it is your turn. So, I'm going to stealthily dash [chuckles] like, like only a rogue can do.

Brandon: Like going over chairs and columns and…

Amanda: Yeah, yeah. Like cutting through air. Like a ship.

Eric: [laughing] I don’t know why that got me. That’s very good.

Amanda: Like a clipper sailing through the wind!

Eric: It's good. Alright, so give me a Stealth roll.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: 11 + 11 for a 22. I switched d20s y’all.

[dice rolls]

Eric: Alright. You beat my Perception. Yeah, you got it. I'll give you advantage on this attack.

Amanda: So, I am going to goo him in the back of the head.

Eric: Mhm.

[Amanda rolls dice]

Amanda: 18 + 7 for a 25.

Eric: [resolute] Inara…end this.

Amanda: I hover the mouth of the neutralizer, about 2 inches from the back of Council of Bright’s head. Pull the plunger back and ram it forward.

Amanda (as Inara): This is for Alonzo.

[electronic synth music fades out]

[orchestral music begins]

Eric: Alonzo’s body is fully encased in this cerulean goo. You get the entire body now. First it was the legs, from your sneaky shot, and then it was in the chest and now his shoulders and above the goo starts to congeal together. It starts to fill in all the cracks around him and then it smooths out and becomes this glassy hard shell. Alonzo is then picked up from the ground to stand fully straight and you realize that this is a sphere, a dark blue sphere that incasing him. Alonzo or the Council of Bright or whoever is pounding his fists up against the shell but you can't hear anything. It's just quiet.

Tracey and Kohl, you realize that the Titans are slowing their motions as they're getting up to try to attack you again. They start moving like they're in slow motion then fully in molasses. And then they stop.

Inara, you're looking into Alonzo's face, and it's angry, and it's screaming and nearly foaming at the mouth. And then he stops. The aura that surrounds him is fully gone. And the medallion stops spinning. Something strange happens. It doesn't explode. It doesn't overcharge. It starts to slough off of Alonzo. Like it is a skin that he's molting. Almost like a snake. Because like a snake, the aura retains his shape. And now inside of this antimagic shell there's two Alonzo's one, the body and one the energy.

[orchestral music fades out]

[theme music]

Eric: Join the Party is co-produced by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin and me, Eric Silver. Special thanks to our creative consultants, Heddy Hunt, Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, and Mischa Stanton. Our visual design is by Alyson Wakeman, the art mom, and our transcripts are by Nicolle - with two Ls - Siegart.

Amanda: The party doesn't stop here. The day after each episode comes out, we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened, learn what could have happened, and answer your questions.

Brandon: You can keep the party going by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got merch, music from the show, and transcripts for every episode on our website jointhepartypod.com. And you can email us at hello@jointhepartypod.com.

Eric: For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. By becoming a patron, you get access to a wonderful community in our Discord, exclusive merch, character backstories, bloopers and so much more. That’s at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.

Brandon: Another great way to help the show is to recommend Join the Party to a friend. Get them caught up fast by sending them the link to our start page, which contains the beginner episodes for those new to D&D and our plot recaps, at jointhepartypod.com/start

Amanda: Join the Party is a founding member of Multitude, an audio collective and consultancy. Type “Multitude” into your podcast app to subscribe to the fantastic other shows in our collective, HORSE, Potterless, Spirits, and Waystation. Found out more about us and access our resources for podcasters at multitude.productions.

Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.