Stewart’s has everything you could possibly need: cheap gas, great ice cream, and all your dad’s secrets. Aggie lends a cup of sugar. Val signs up to volunteer. Milo takes a Reese’s.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a D&D actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Begin with Campaign 2 (The Join Campaign) for a modern, sci-fi superhero game, or marathon all of Campaign 1 (The Party Campaign) for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes three Tuesdays a month.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: We jumped forward a few months and we're dealing with consequences of our actions. Aggie and Milo are dealing with everyone knowing their faces, for better or for worse, or however their parents are kind of feeling at any given moment. And Val and Hitomi both actually knew that Val was Vulcani this whole time, but they finally talked about it. The LT3 have a stranger problem on their hands as Gutenberg has been creating artificial superheroes trying to make them look bad. Don't like that. Villains... villains are rude. Shouldn't be doing that. As we sort all of this out, Hank Lane has something important he has to confess. I'm sure that's fine and chill. Let's get the party started.
[JTP Intro Theme Music starts]
Eric: I think it's a few days after your run in with Jack Hoover. Super Hero for Hire.
Brandon: The vacuum guy, right?
Eric: Yeah, the vacuum guy, Brandon.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: I always think of Jack Bauer from 24 Every time you say that now.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: [in a deep voice] No, it's Hoover, like the dam.
Brandon: [in a deep voice] I'm a vacuum cleaner with a gun.
[Eric huffs a laugh]
Eric: Damn, I should have made him that instead. That would've been great.
Julia: Why would you give him water powers when you could have made up a vacuum man with a gun?
Eric: If only... Damn it. Alright, we have to redo. Everyone mind-erase the last episode. I need to go-- we have to go back.
Brandon: He's got, like, a mission accomplished pin on his... on his body.
Eric: 100%. I mean, that's just real.
Brandon: He's a big George stan.
Eric: He loves both the George Bush's equally.
[Amanda groans]
Eric: [in a deep voice] Yeah, I can't... I can't pick just one. They're both great.
Julia: You know, I've never retroactively wanted to kill an NPC, but now I'm feeling it.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Anyway, it's been a few days after that. And Milo, once again, you are messaged on your super secret app that doesn't exist, that just... remember the image is a photo of Tuna. And that's where you get your super secret messages from your dad that are super encrypted.
[Brandon hums in acknowledgement]
Eric: He's just texting from a burner phone because there's-- those are super encrypted,
[Brandon hums in acknowledgement]
Eric: Right?
Brandon: Unhackable, you might say.
Eric (as Hank Lane): It's an unhackable burner phone and you get texted a set of coordinates from your dad. It says [in a computerized voice] You and your friends, please come here in a few hours. Don't worry. I have food. You don’t have to eat first.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: So thoughtful.
Brandon (as Milo): Why did you send me coordinates to an Arby's then dad? Oh, fuck I was using Apple Maps my bad sorry, let me switch over to Google.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: Milo, please. Milo, why didn't we spend all this time doing coordinate training if you're just going to do Apple Maps, bud?
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Brandon (as Milo): I'll be there soon. I will bring snacks. Emergency snacks just in case. Milo's gonna text Val and Aggie and say, "Hey, my dad invited us all to lunch. Has something he wants to talk about. Probably all good or bad. Don't use Apple Maps. It's not the Arby's."
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): Do I need to bring something like an antipasto? Something like that?
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Not to the lunch, but if you want to bring it, I'll take it home.
Julia (as Val): No, I get some of it or I'm not bringing!
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Just take a scoop out. Val tales a scoop out for themselves. You can totally see the scoop of the container.
Julia: Correct.
Eric: Like this... this is the angel's share.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: We gave this one to Jesus.
Amanda (as Aggie): Do I need to bring something I've had at home? Frankly, I've been avoiding my cottage at all costs since my parents came back. I'm just driving aimlessly around visiting different Stewart’s.
Julia (as Val): Did you find any cool flavors of ice cream? They got anything new?
Amanda (as Aggie): No, I haven't gone inside. I'm worried about appearing suspect. I've just been getting one gallon of gas.
[Brandon and Eric cackles.
Brandon: Yeah, that's a suspect.
Julia (as Val): Aggie, are you okay?
Amanda (as Aggie): I've had a tough time. I'll see you guys there.
Eric: Aggie this is also punctuated by the fact that your mom did something pretty heinous to you earlier today. At 8:30 in the morning, there is a knock at your front door.
Amanda (as Aggie): I think as I get out of bed, I, like, prod Pizza to try to make him bark and he doesn't and he's just sleeping.
[Eric makes a questioning sound as Pizza]
Amanda (as Aggie): Goddamnit, come on. We talked about this. Okay.
Eric: [Eric makes a questioning sound as Pizza] And then Pizza flops on his back.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: He's like like pets? Would you like to pet?
Amanda: Yeah, I give him a little belly scratch, and then I opened the door.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): Wonderful. As you open the door and maybe it's because you're tired. But your mom is standing out front with 15 people behind her and all of them have their iPhones out and they're taking photos. It's like, "Oh, Aggie. Sorry a bunch of people wanted to know where your house was, so I came over. Also, do you have any sugar but not the processed sugar? Like, the brown -- what -- the Demerara? Do you have any of that? Can I borrow some?"
Amanda: I stretch my arm, grab the strap of her purse and yank her through the door.
[Eric laugh]
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): Aggie! Well, that's so cool. Could you teach me how to do that? What brand is your? What brand is your robe? Is it LLP?
Amanda: I shut the door behind.
Eric: Make a dexterity check for me for how fast you shut the door.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: Using a luck point.
[Dice rolls]
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: 21.
Eric: 21. Wonderful.
Amanda: My first roll is a 3. That wasn't gonna stand.
Eric: With a 21, you slammed the door. None of the crowd of people outside who are standing you so hard. They can't get in as much as they want to. So now, they're trying to, like, look through your windows, which I assume there's, like, a ruffle, like, on the door which has because it has a window on it.
Amanda: Yeah, I think there are, like, curtains and blinds that I can close. And I go through the living room, like, yanking each of them closed in turn.
Eric: You're, like, standing in the middle as you're stretching it out.
[Amanda hums in agreement]
Amanda (as Aggie): Then I'm gonna bring... bring my mom into the back as far away from the door as we can get. And I'm like, "Mom, what are you thinking this go? This is not... this is not a thing where you forgot, or you didn't think about the impact, or you just show people where I live? That's never okay!"
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): They already know where you live. I mean, listen, it's not, it wasn't my idea for you to tell everyone your first and last name. But if that's what you want to do, you might as well be popular. They want to see you. They seem like your friends. I'm just trying to make you the best version of you that you are at when you are not, don't have the time to do that. So I'm just trying to give them... they already like you. I don't see what the problem is.
Amanda (as Aggie): Mom, I am going to be 30 soon. I did not ask for your help. I did not ask for you to come back. I did not in... I realized that my being public involves you in some way and if you want to talk to people and take selfies, or charge them to say happy birthday to their grandkids, which is the thing that people can do now on the phones, Quinn told me about it, just to talk to her. No, why did I say that? I did not ask for you to do this. We need to set some limits. We need to have some rules. There are numbers or an email address that you can give people instead. This is not okay to do. It's unsafe.
Eric: Sure. Make a perception check for me.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: That's a 24.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): Hell yeah. With a 24 perception check. Like, out of the corner of your eye you see, like, someone is pressed up against the out... your outside window with just their phone, like, trying to record you. Also with a 24, you see that little tears are welling up in your mom's eyes. As she says, "I'm just trying to help, but if you don't want my help, that's fine. I don't even know. I guess that moving here was supposed to bring us closer together, but I guess fine. Okay, fine. I'll go. I shouldn't have done it. You're right, I stepped over the boundary and I will never do that ever again, because that's what you want so...
Amanda (as Aggie): I make my hand, like, as flat as a dinner plate and then, like, bang against the wall next to where the person is.
Eric (as a person on the window): Gah! Oh, you didn't hit my face but it felt like it.
Amanda (as Aggie): And then I'm going to take my mom into the bathroom. I want to sit her down on the closed toilet lid and, like, crouch down next to her and say, "Mom, I would like to work on our relationship. I'm glad to know that you would too. We need to do that together. That's not a thing you can do at me. You can't move here to improve our relationship without talking to me first. And something that we should start with is asking each other for stuff. Because you know what? You're right. I did not ask you before I unmasked myself. And looking back, I definitely should have talked to the family before I did that. It's hard for me to negotiate being the oldest sibling, being your firstborn daughter, and also being an adult and my own person. And when to ask for permission and when to just do stuff and I'm not going to get it right all the time. I'm here. I'm willing to do it. I want to start. Like, what if we got breakfast once a week together? We could go on a maple crawler tour. We could go to every Tim Hortons in Essex County. I mean, that'd be pretty fun, huh?
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): That would be fun. Okay. You know, I guess they did pretty okay raising you. Ryan, no, but I don't... I don't care for Ryan.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Whoa, are you gonna tell me that you did drugs next?
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): That was a reference to Arrested Development, which you told me to watch at some point. I was trying to kill... Oh.
Amanda (as Aggie): I thought that was a book about parenting, that's on me.
[Julia laughs]
Eric: Wonderful. Make a perception check for me.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: 16.
Eric: 16. At this point, the folks outside have kind of dispersed when they realized that this was the... this was the wrong thing to do. And they... they're looking at themselves in shame, so I think that the crowd of onlookers have cleared out. And it is safe for you to once again leave your home.
Amanda (as Aggie): And I'll just say, "Mom, think about how cool you're gonna sound saying "No comment." Isn't that cool? Try it. Ready?"
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): I don't have anything to say to you people.
Amanda (as Aggie): Just try, "No comment." Ready?
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): No comment. You can look at it on my Instagram where I put a note.
Amanda (as Aggie): That's pretty good.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): No!
Amanda (as Aggie): There you go. Like, pretend... pretend, okay. Let's try one where it's, like, you... you're holding a cup of coffee and it's like you're walking away and you're too busy.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): Get out of my way! And then I throw the coffee at their face.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): No, you can just "No comment". You can just say no comment.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): No comment, and then I throw the coffee at their face.
Amanda (as Aggie): You toss... toss the words "No comment" over your shoulder like it's the coffee.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): So, I walk by them and I say no comment. And then I turn around and throw coffee in their face.
Amanda (as Aggie): An improvement. Maybe just throw coffee, like, at their feet.
Eric (as Mrs. O’Hare): I'll work on it. I'm not very good at this.
Amanda (as Aggie): Pretty cool. Pretty fun.
Eric: Wonderful. That cut away, we could come back to the text messages. So, you put in the coordinates. I'm glad that you shared it with everyone because it's actually quite close to Aggie's house. It is the closest Stewart's to Aggies house. The one which before your Christmas party last year, you went there to pick up some ice.
Julia: And we saw Clippy.
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia (as Val): Aggie, do you want me to, like, call my mom and ask her if she could distract your mother from trying to bother you? God, I would love that. Oh my god. Yeah, maybe my mom can get your mommy into, like, I don't know, ceramics.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah.
Brandon: Oh god.
Amanda (as Aggie): She really... I think that will be really, really good. I think that'd be really good.
Julia (as Val): Okay, okay. I'll text her right now and tell her to hit your mom up. Okay. I'm going to go. I'm going to go buy… buy a hot chocolate on our way over. Milo, where... where are we headed? Where does this go to?
Brandon (as Milo): It looks like a Stewart's. Close to you?
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh god! Two in one day. I'm gonna look like a serial killer.
[Brandon laughs]
[Amanda groans]
Garbled talking:
Amanda (as Aggie): I'm gonna park next to the Stewart's. Oh, here. I'll just fill my tires. Okay, bye.
Brandon: The look of pure joy on Eric's face when you were like, "Maybe we can get your mom to in ceramics also." Just the wheel turning of all the different possibilities for Eric's brain. I saw it and it was delightful.
Julia: My mom does boobs, your mom does butts.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Does Aggie's mom make ceramics? A lot like Georgia O'Keeffe where she doesn't realize they're all vaginas.
Julia: That would be great.
Amanda: I love that. She's like, "Oh, look, it's a flower I saw on the jungle." And Rosa's like, Um.
[Brandon groans uncomfortably]
Julia: No, Rosa's like, "That's a great vagina."
Amanda: Yeah.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: You know, we all have flowers, but we--
Amanda: I also call mine a flower.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Amanda: They're... they both just have a years long misunderstanding that Aggie's mom is doing flowers and Rosa thinks that she is, like, extremely into evolve art. And both of them are very happy with the situation.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Fanfic writers, if you want to get into this right now, just respond to @jointhepartypod on Twitter or Instagram.
Julia: If you're new ship is Mrs. O'Hare and Rosa Vesuvio.
Brandon: That's a good ship.
Eric: If you called that a few years ago, Congratulations! You will find 10,000 Dave and Busters tickets in your mailbox right now.
Julia: Whoa!
Amanda: That will get you a lot of sticky hands.
Eric: That's a lot of sticky hands. Okay, so I think all of you are gonna, you're all heading that way to go. Val, I think that as you're getting ready, because this I think this is fairly early in the morning, and I think that as you're getting ready to go, Hitomi is just sitting at. There is an island, a kitchen island in your new apartment. It's very nice. And Hitomi is taken to sitting there for 15 minutes in silence every morning just... just holding a cup of tea.
Julia: So cute.
[Amanda giggles]
Eric (as Hitomi): So, I think as you're getting ready to go. Hitomi's like, "Oh, hey, what are you... what are you up to today?"
Julia (as Val): Superhero business-ing. I got to go to a meeting at a Stewart's. The glamorous life of being a superhero.
Eric (as Hitomi): Weird. Now I know you're not lying to me, but it still feels weird.
Julia (as Val): It's still weird on its own, to be quite honest.
Eric (as Hitomi): Cool. Okay, well have fun. I'll see you when I see you. I'm gonna head to work soon, but after this, I'm doing some. I actually kind of gotten after the... the gala which you were at.
Julia (as Val): I was.
Eric (as Hitomi): Oh. Didn't I look hot?
Julia (as Val): You looked so hot.
Eric (as Hitomi): Nice. You looked hot but in a violent way which I think is what you were going for.
Julia (as Val): Thank you.
Eric (as Hitomi): No problem. I love you. Um, after that I met some people there and they're, like, involved in, like, one of them works at SUNY LTC. And they're doing, like, some. They're doing, like, I don't know, some, like, do they call it still extracurriculars that in college? I don't even remember but, like, they're doing, like, a group if any college, if any, like, people are powered at SUNY LTC, they can, like, hang out and there's, like, a support group and stuff. I met some people who were involved with that. And I thought it was fun.
Julia (as Val): Are they also powered people?
Eric (as Hitomi): Um, no, I don't think so. I just kind of met, like, an administrator who was kind of, like, putting it together. And I thought it was cool. But I've started doing... I've started putting it together. You should if you want to come through either masked or unmasked it could be fun. You could be a guest speaker, I guess.
Julia (as Val): Cool. What are their names?
Eric (as Hitomi): Oh, well, the people who I'm working with now weren't at the... weren't at the gala, but Kathleen Debbie was the woman who I got in touch with at SUNY LTC. And there are just, like, some really... some really cool kids there. And they have, like, really ridiculous powers. One of them can control rocks, but only uses it to surf on land.
Julia (as Val): That's cool as hell.
Eric (as Hitomi): It was cool. It was really cool. They're very cool.
Julia (as Val): Well, you know, Milo and I were kind of talking about, like, because there's a lot of people now with superpowers who are kind of coming out of the woodwork who don't know how to use their fucking superpowers.
Eric (as Hitomi): True.
Julia (as Val): Which is a problem in and of itself. So, we were talking about, like, a big super little super program, maybe. So, maybe if we, like, actually start organizing that we could, you know, get some of your kids involved.
Eric (as Hitomi): Yeah, sure. I think um, that... that would be really awesome. Yeah, you can come by the SUNY LTC or whatever. And you can talk to some of the people who are putting it together. Yeah, it's kind of, like, it's super secret, because a lot of them don't want to reveal their identities and stuff. So, I mean, like, if you can just do that, but as long... and you know how to do that. Anyway, so it's like, fine, right?
Julia (as Val): Yeah, just let me know when the next meeting is. I'll come by.
Eric (as Hitomi): Yeah, sure. I mean, one's today, but you don't have to come to the one today. You can come to whenever. It's, like, weekly. There's one next week too if you want to do that.
Julia (as Val): Alright, if I'm free I will come tonight. Worst case scenario I'll come next week.
Eric (as Hitomi): Cool. Yeah, no, that sounds wonderful. Nice. Well, have fun at superhero secret school. I made you a sandwich. It's in the fridge.
Julia (as Val): That's adorable. I was told not to bring food but I don't trust that.
[Eric snickers]
Eric (as Hitomi): Yeah, that's not the first time you've said that about anything.
Julia (as Val): I am always hungry. Do you know how many calories being in a rage and creating fire, like, burns?
Eric (as Hitomi): Val, you don't have to justify it to me. I bought extra snacks at Costco.
Julia (as Val): I haven't asked a doctor how many calories it burns, but I can only imagine.
Eric: True. No, that's fair. Hell yeah. Well, that was just a little thing I wanted to tell you, Julia. Me, Eric.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: I wanted to tell you this.
Julia: Love that. Adorable. Thank you.
Eric: Hell yeah. Yeah, so I think unless there is anything else we want to do you guys can head over the Stewart's.
Amanda: How does Milo get ready for this lunch? Did you do anything to prepare?
Brandon: I mean, no. Like, it's his dad. He doesn't need to prep or anything. Like, I think, you know, he'll put on a campaign button.
Eric: Hell yeah.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Cute.
Eric: This is an interesting question, Brandon. I think, like, we talked about last episode that your dad is not doing anything with the OTA anymore. The Office of Technology Assessment, right? But like, how much has he divorced himself, I guess, from it? Like, is he saying this publicly that he's not involved in it at all? Or is it just, like, an unspoken thing? Like, do people know that he's kind of stepped away from it, like, publicly I guess?
Brandon: Yeah, I think it would be public. Like, it's not a crime to... to have worked for the government. I think it's a boon probably in his campaign. You know, he's like, "I know how bureaucracies work and function and how inefficient they are. And here's how you can solve them kind of thing."
Eric: Hell, yeah. So, Julia, are you heading to this meeting as Val or as Vulcani?
Julia: I think Val probably would have asked Milo to specify whether or not this was, like, official superhero business or we're having a fun lunch with your dad.
Amanda: I think we probably are in costume together more often than not.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Because it will be potentially dangerous for Val.
Brandon (as Milo): I think that's a good point, Amanda. So, Milo's gonna text back. No worries. We'll just come in costume in costume light. Anyway, we got you.
Julia (as Val): Cool. Just one cape, one jumpsuit. Not the full regalia.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): When you guys show up, Aggie has bought four hot chocolates and a bag of donut holes from Stewart's and then, like, stash them in her car. "Like, I forgot it was a lunch. I guess this is for after. I don't know."
Julia (as Val): Well, they're not going to be hot after. Why don't we just drink them before we get the food?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, you're right. No, that'd be better.
Julia (as Val): I mean, I can reheat them.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Better than a microwave
Amanda (as Multitool): I thought we haven't really fully explored the extent of our respective powers as, like, household, you know, things that are useful. I-- guys, I'm really rattled today/ I'm just-- I'm gonna just let you know that upfront. I'm gonna do my best here, but uh, oh boy.
Julia (as Val): We believe in you. It's okay.
Amanda (as Multitool): Thanks. Yeah.
Brandon: Milo points to two of the hot chocolate and is like.
[Brandon hums questioningly]
Amanda (as Multitool): Please drink them. I don't know why I got four.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Thanks. Milo takes two. Guys, if you let hot chocolate cool down, it's just chocolate milk. It's just chocolate milk at that point.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, but then you can just reheat it.
Brandon (as Kilonova): And then it's hot chocolate again.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric: As Milo takes the chocolate milk away from you, the cooled hot chocolate which is then just chocolate. You might also been rattled because as you're checking out at the Stewart's with your marshmallows and your hot chocolate, you bring it up and there's a guy who has a pretty, like, broad face, craggy nose, bowl cut, crop top sweatshirt.
Julia: Clippy again.
Eric: And you look up and it's Clippy. Remember Clippy from?
Amanda: Yeah, Clippy has not left my nightmare since.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Was Clippy always wearing a cropped top sweatshirt? Did I miss this?
Julia: Yeah, because he's dressed as-- What is that Robin Williams character?
Eric: Mork where he leads Robin Williams for Mork from Mork and Mindy.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric (as Clippy): And you saw him once before at this Stewart's after the Christmas party and you kind of just ran out because you were overwhelmed by it, but Clippy is still working here. Oh, hey, did you find everything you needed?
Amanda (as Multitool): Uhh, cash?. And I just, like, slide over a few bills.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Clippy): I get it. It must be pretty strange -- everyone knowing who you are. And, like, revealing your secret identity. I think that was pretty cool that you did that.
Amanda (as Multitool): Sorry. I guess I had an unclear sense of your existence outside of the danger dome. Um, do you-- do work here?
Eric (as Clippy): The danger dome? Is that, like, a new hotdog place that opened up? What's that?
Brandon: That's a good name for a hotdog place.
Eric: Thank you, Brandon.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, you know, the... the training facility. The virtual-- the dome thing up at Dr. Morrow's.
Eric (as Clippy): I don't. Sorry, I don't really follow politics. I don't know. And also, like, if you want to work here it's-- They don't really-- There's not really much training. You just kind of, like, give you a badge and it's-- you work behind the counter.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, when-- How long have you been here?
Eric (as Clippy): Oh, you know, for a little while, you know.
Amanda (as Multitool): Like, like, a year? Like, more than a year?
Eric (as Clippy): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay, and sorry, what was your name? I'm gonna look for a badge.
Eric: Their badge says Clippy on it.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): Um, thank you. No change. Goodbye.
Eric (as Clippy): Nice. Have a righteous day.
Amanda: What?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): Guys, I-- Like, inside the Stewart's there. Clippy checked me out and seem to have no idea that we'd ever interacted at Dr. Morrow's, but knew who I was as, like, a public figure.
Julia (as Val): Clippy checked you out, like, Clippy thought you were hot and was, like, looking at your ass?
Amanda (as Multitool): No, no. Like, like, like, the transaction.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Multitool are... are you okay? Should we? Clippy doesn't exist? Do we need to take a nap? Like?
Amanda (as Multitool): Can someone go-- Can someone go check?
Julia (as Val): I got it. I got it. And Val is gonna go in and flip down the unknown glasses after seeing that it is in fact Clippy I assume?
[Eric hums in agreement]
Julia: Yeah, and check out to see whether or not it is an illusion construct or something else that is not what it seems.
Amanda: Oh, Julia, did you mean check out his ass?
Julia: [Brandon laughs]
Julia: Yeah. I did. I looked specifically at his ass now.
Brandon: It’s real good.
Eric: Yeah, you look and it's a meat suit out of paperclips. So weird. Um, yeah. Okay, with the unknown glasses on. Hmm. You know what? You've looked at people before about the heat signature in them and then you just see, like, the little-- It's not pixelated, like the Gutenberg thing. But there's something odd just going on here. Maybe it's because it seems like there is, like, someone is wearing a costume, I guess over it. And then inside it seems to be, you know, it's kind of curved and then just curved it on itself. It seems to look like there... there is a paper– a giant paperclip wearing a human costume.
Amanda: I hate this.
Julia (as Val): Huh? And then Val just turns around and leaves. "So, that was Clippy. Clippy is just, like, the paperclip, but in a human suit?"
Amanda (as Multitool): That's much worse than what I could have thought.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Y'all?
Julia (as Val): Yeah, it's pretty bad.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Clippy doesn't exist. Clippy is a digital manifestation of Dr. Morrow's computer. What are you talking about?
Julia (as Val): Kilonova, go inside and tell me that's not fucking Clippy.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Alright, Kilonova is gonna go inside. "Hey, are you Clippy?"
Eric: Milo as you cross the threshold of this Stewart's you hear metal just clanging as you look around and, like, barrier doors start closing on all the doors.
Julia: What the fuck?
Eric: Clang, Clang, Clang, Clang, Clang, Clang, Clang. And, like, it's all dark and all the lights go out. Then you hear something buzz on to life and all you can see is Clippy's face.
[Midroll music pings]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric. We have finally eclipsed into December, which is not Fall anymore, which is bumming me out a little bit. But it does kick off my favorite thing about winter, which is the winter gift giving holiday in December or the fact that I guess that everyone just gives each other gifts in December. I think that's nice. I love giving people gifts and I love receiving gifts. And even if it stresses you out, remember that people just like the idea that you're doing something nice and you're thinking about them. So, as long as you demonstrate to someone that you're thinking about them and know them, then I think you're going to do fine. Welcome to the midroll. I got you for a secret snowball and I got you a cat. I hope you like it. His name is also Snowball. Thank you to all of our patrons and all of you who joined us recently. Shout out to Debi, Dyllan -- with two L's – very cool -- Siri, Reka, Elizabeth, Sareah, SSJ4, Hannah, Tisha, Matt, and Junescorch. Listen, I just got to tell you all about everything you get when you join the Patreon. You get our bonus podcast/vodcast: Party Planning, about being a better player and DM and whatever, you know, the Join the Party folks want to talk about. Just recorded one with Amanda. There's one with Amanda and Julia coming out. And it is not just, like, monthly-ish. It is actually going to come out twice a month, so you're getting at least two every 30 days. It's gonna be hot fire. I hope you enjoy it and you should definitely check that stuff out. But you can also get the bonus campaign Join the Team. Remember I played that with Mischa Stanton and Marquez and Josh Rubino. That was great. You get bloopers, you get playlists, you get discord access. There is so much waiting for you. Give yourself a present of our podcast more patreon.com/jointhepartypod -- patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And when you run out of podcasts that aren't good and make you feel heard and feel like there's a community well, you should check out the other podcast here on Multitude, and I think you'd like Horse. Horse is a podcast about ridiculous stories, internet drama, and some of the biggest and baddest personalities out there today. And no, they're not the movie stars or the presidents. They're from the world of basketball. Hosts Adam Mamawala and Mike Schubert want the world to know how unbelievable the history and culture of basketball is. They're fighting, gatekeeping around the sport and proving it's entertaining for everyone to follow from super fans to folks who've never, like, heard what balls are before. I don't know. Could be anything, only rumbles. Those are the only balls I've ever heard of, but actually there's sports balls. And you will like that because you like the podcast. New episodes come out every other Monday. Just search Horse in your podcast app or check out horsehoops.com. Horse because basketball is more than what happens on the court. We are sponsored this week by Wildfang. If you're looking for stylish, ethical, non-gendered clothing and accessories, Wildfang is the place for you. This should just be enough for you, check this out. Both Amanda and Julia – who look very different, they have matching floral suits because the suit-- it looks good for both of their body types. I think that's enough. There is a floral suit that both someone who is Amanda's size and Julia's size can enjoy. That is incredible. Also, Amanda keeps buying overalls in different colors and they make me very jealous and I keep wanting to steal them. Wildfang makes coveralls, suits, overalls, button-ups without chest gaps and so, so many more things, you gotta check them out. Their sizes go from US 0-20 and the quality is amazing. And there's even a discount code just for Join the Party listeners. Use code PARTY20 to get $20 off of orders $100 or more at wildfang.com That is Party20 for $20 off of orders of $100 or more -- wildfang.com. We are also sponsored by Quip. You can give yourself or a loved one the most perfect gift. That's right, the gift of good oral health this year. The Quip electric toothbrush is loved by over SEVEN MILLION mouths and the people attached to those mouths. And as timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. It's lightweight, it's sleek, it's for adults and kids, there's no wires and you don't have to charge it which is, like, the fact that you have to use electronics In the small wet room has always bothered me. But you don't have to do that with Quip. Beyond the brush, Quip has even more little things you can add. Like floss strings or reusable floss picks. And I did get tweets from people the last time I did this talking about other people who had permanent retainers in their mouths and permanent-- permanent retainer team rise up, we're out here and Quip is here for us. If you go to getquip.com/jointheparty right now, on top of holiday savings, you can get your first refill for free. That is your first refill for free plus up to 40% off bundles at getquip.com/jointheparty. Spelled “G” “E” “T” “Q” “U” “I” “P”.com/jointheparty. Quip, the good habits company. Whew, finally this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy.
[Knocks on door]
Eric: Oh, there seems to be someone at the door. Oh, hold on. Oh, it's a package. Okay. Okay, I'm just-- I guess I'll have to do this during the adread. That's fine. It's to Eric from a real therapist who definitely exists. Oh, okay. I didn't know my therapist would give me a package. That's fine. I'm unwrapping it. I'm unwrapping it. Oh, there's a lot of-- a lot of stuff. It's just all crinkling in my hands. Well, it seems like this package just has a bone in it. And I don't think it's from a real therapist, I think it's from the bone witch so it's nice that she did something nice for me, and didn't knock me out or turn me into a frog. But I'm not really sure what a bone is supposed to help me with. It's not supposed to be, like, maintenance for my emotional state or for things that I'm dealing with. I'm not really sure how a bone is supposed to. Maybe I could talk to it, and it won't say anything in response, so I guess it's kind of like a one-sided thing. I can just talk about my feelings.
[Eric exhales in exhaustion]
Eric: But maybe I should go to a real therapist, and maybe I can get that help from BetterHelp. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So, you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's more affordable than in-person therapy, so you don't have to, like, I don't know, try to look for bones. And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. So, why would you invest in everything else that you spend all of your time with and not your mind? This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. And Join the Party listeners can get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com/jointheparty. And now, back to the show.
[Midroll music pings]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Clippy opens his mouth and your dad's voice comes out and says, "Oh, Milo, you're here. Come on over."
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad, are you Clippy?
Eric (as Hank Lane): No, no, but you know, that's a great question. I really should have considered that because this was a lot scarier than I wanted it-- I wanted it to be.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yeah, it's really spooky. Can you let our pals in?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, are they not with you?
Brandon (as Kilonova): No, they're here. They just-- were outside and then apparently you brought down a big garage door over the entire building for some reason. Are you a villain?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh no, it's for safety.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Oh.
Eric (as Hank Lane): You know it's like a child lock that you would put on... on our minivan that you would have. I feel like I just closed a door on a child trying to run in. Like, I closed a screen door then a child hit a screen door and are trying to bust through the screen door. I'm sor-- but I'm sorry. I-- I really beefed it. My-- my fault. My fault here. Yeah, is anyone following you? Do you know? I just want to ask.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I mean, my colleagues are outside.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Okay, they're on the level, right?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Can I take this Reese's?
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): If you're not paying attention it means it's probably fine. Okay, everyone come on inside. And then [clacking noises] the blast door over the front door of the Stewart's opens up.
Brandon: While the doors open, can I do a quick perception or investigation to see if I see any obvious signs of someone trying to follow. Like, if someone is looking from behind a rock.
Eric: Sure. Make a perception check.
Julia: Can I give advantage as a help action on that?
Eric: I don't think that you would be able to coordinate with Milo on this because you were separated by a blast door but I will let you do one as well.
Julia: I did roll a 17. That's not bad.
Eric: That's not bad.
Brandon: I rolled a 7 + 3 with guidance. That's 10 + 9, so 19 perception.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Can I get a hit on the spell?
Eric: Yeah, if you want to make one as well.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: I-- with my Lay of the Land, I did get a 19 but I will do get to reroll advantage.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: Yea.h 19 + 6 for a 25.
Brandon: Wow. Is she gonna outdo me like that?
Julia: Perceptive.
Amanda: Sorry, bud, Proud of you, though.
Brandon: Come on.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Multitool's head is on a swivel because we just watched a bunch of doors drop down in front of us.
Amanda: I'm also at this specific Stewart's for the second time today after visiting probably 8 or 10 Stewart's and my party has gone in 3 separate times to this, Stewart's.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: So, I think I'm on high alert for someone, specifically anything out of place in the environment, and anybody that strikes me as suspicious or anything.
Eric: Sure. For Vulcani and for Kilonova here, no one is looking here. You actually, Milo you kind of look around. You realize no one's in this Stewart's. Like, people are-- would be walking in, like, trying to pay for, like, honey buns or beef jerky or trying to get chained for, like, a lotto machine or something. There's nobody in here at all, so your dad definitely cleared it out beforehand and both you look around, and no one has kind of, like, followed you in here at all. You got a 25?
Amanda: I did.
Eric: Okay. 25. Maybe as you kind of, like, catch your breath a little bit as you stopped being a little shook. You, like, see-- you sit down and you look around and there's nothing happening as everyone is kind of looking around but you feel, like, a bug on your back somewhere. You know, like, when you-- you're, like, something is moving on me and I don't like it.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Eric: You feel like something is moving on you and you're, like, it is on your back.
Eric: Well, Eric, do you know what I do?
Eric: Yeah?
Amanda: I stretch my neck backward to look.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: That's not what I was expecting.
Eric: Instead of turn around it's like it's a great shot --
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: -- on a movie.
[Brandon exhales]
Eric: You don't see anything, but you feel like something-- something definitely moved around on your back.
Amanda: I'm gonna just, like, stretch my arms. I just, like, pat and, like, shake my clothing and do everything I can as if there's like a bug in my clothes.
Eric: Hell yeah. Make an attack roll.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon (as Kilonova): And Milo looks at Vulcani and was like, "Are we sure everything's okay with Multitool? Should we?
[Eric and Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): No. She's having a weird day, huh?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yeah, real weird day. I'm gonna put these Reese's in the freezer.
Amanda: I got a Nat 1 on the first roll, so I'm gonna burn my second luck point and reroll.
Eric: Uh-huh.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: That's a 10.
Eric: Yeah. I mean, you shake out your costumes. You shake out your... your jacket. You, like, you zip up and down. Everything, you shake it out. And I mean, you probably got the bug.
Julia (as Val): Can I look at your back? Being like --
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): What do you-- what are you doing? And like, is there anything, like, moving on Multitool's back?
Eric: No, I would say that you do not see anything with that. But like, it's like, Multitool was like, "Oh, there's a spider on me. Get it off! Get it off!" And you look and there's not a spider on her.
Julia (as Val): I think Val is so used to, like, having to be the one that either captures or kills bugs in their apartment that they're just like, "I don't-- There's no bug."
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay, okay. I just-- I know, I'm kind of freaking out a little bit, but I definitely did feel something, so I'm gonna just duck on in but let's um, let's assume we're in front of an audience. Just-- just in case.
Julia (as Val): Okay. Milo, I guess tell your dad that.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I think Milo's just gonna cast a, like, preventative dispel magic at, like, sixth level and just, like, magically burn this place, you know?
Eric: Sure.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: That's incredible. Okay, yeah. What does that look like; this Dispel Magic at the sixth level?
Amanda: A ghostly fumigation.
Brandon: Yeah, kinda. Yeah. I think Milo at this point is just very kind of practice with this, so he just kind of sort of, like, clap his hands together. And then, like, at the clap, it's sort of like a-- like a fireball almost, you know? Like, where the light explodes, but it's just like darkness instead of light. And it's just gonna sort of like, go out like glitter and then fall down.
Eric: Sure. I like that.
Brandon: It's one creature object or magical effects, so I'm specifically looking for, like, magical effect in terms of some kind of surveillance or whatever.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Could also be like a weird creature that we can't see.
[Amanda hums in agreement]
Brandon: That's true. Okay, I'm not trying to dispel Clippy is my point.
Eric: Yeah, the-- the magical blast kind of radiates outwards and kind of, like, scans over Multitool. And Vulcani, you're looking at Multitool's back. Like, there's no spider. There's no bug here. And then all of a sudden, you see, like, what kind of looks like a blocky Space Invaders show up. Like, it's made out of pixels and it's kind of like green and, like, fluorescent. And it's very like-- has the little black eyes and a little pixelated. Like, rectangular antenna. And there's this one, like, stuck to Multitool's back.
Julia: I smack it.
Eric: Make an attack roll, please.
Brandon: I rolled my Spiritual Surge and I got a 16, so I'm up to two.
Eric: Hell yes.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: 12 + 8 for a non-natural 20.
Eric: Yeah, what do you do to it?
Julia: I smack it like it's a spider.
Eric: Yeah, you just come down on it. And it goes [wobbling noises] and explodes into pixels.
Amanda (as Multitool): Whoa. Was it-- there was something there?
Julia (as Val): Yeah, that's not good.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, God.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I mean, we're good now.
Julia (as Val): Assuming that neither of us have one of those on our backs either.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It would have shown with my spell.
Julia (as Val): No, didn't you just do it on Multitool?
Brandon (as Kilonova): No, it's an area, you know? It's an area thing. It's a magical effect in an area. Like, I can't really, like, explain the inner workings to you right now but if you want to we can go get some dinner and I can sort of talk you through death in the process and Anubis.
Julia (as Val): Are you mansplaining death to me Milo?
Brandon (as Kilonova): No, I was just trying to do a long, drawn out thing where I told you where Anubis was the death god again to piss you off.
[Amanda giggles]
Julia (as Val): Milo, do not tell me that Anubis is the god of death. It's not fucking true, alright?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay, we'll see when you get there.
Julia (as Val): Fucking rude.
Eric: I think that as you turn around you also see that, like, 4 security cameras have fallen to the ground and, like, it broke on the ground. Hey, none of y'all saw those in there before.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And they look really nice for security cameras in a gas station.
Julia (as Val): So, is this like your dad's secret bunker or something?
Brandon (as Kilonova): I don't know. ClipDad, what's going on?
Julia (as Val): Is your dad Clippy now? What's happening?
Brandon (as Kilonova): I don't know.
Amanda (as Multitool): What?
Brandon (as Kilonova): I'm-- I'm in the dark as much as you are.
Amanda (as Multitool): I was pretty rude to him. I'm not gonna lie to you.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It's fine.
Eric (as Clippy): With-- with the– the blast doors open, it's no longer, like, dark in there just illuminated by Clippy. So, Clippy is no longer is-- has, like, turned the light off and closed his mouth and he's like, "Yeah, what do you need? What's happening, bros?"
Brandon (as Kilonova): Can you close the door again?
Eric: [in a computerized voice] Security mechanism activated. Clang.
Eric (as Clippy): You were wanting to get in the darkness. We have Clippy's face lights up with, like, a backlight and he opens his mouth like "Oh, hey." You didn't-- you hear Milo's dad's voice we're like
Eric (as Hank Lane): "Oh, buds come on in. So happy that you're all there. I am sorry. I did not mean to lock you out again. It's like I closed a screen door and then one of you ran into the screen door. And then your head--"
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad it's literally nothing like that.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And I'm imagining, you know, Milo at three. We are running around, naked as a jaybird.
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And then he ran --
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay.
Eric: -- right through a screen door. He just hadn't-- didn't have his... his invisibl--. He didn't have his pass through and thing powers put together yet, so I get maybe he was practicing that. Why he was naked, I guess, I couldn't really-- I couldn't really tell you.
Julia (as Val): Are there pictures or videos of this particular situation?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, I think I probably have it saved somewhere.
Julia (as Val): Excellent! I would like to see those later.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Come on down.
Brandon (as Kilonova): From the back you see the light of a deep freezer chest opening and-- and you hear from the back. Don't do that dad! None of that!
Eric (as Hank Lane): It's already happening. Stop eating the ice cream.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It's a Reese's. I put it in here.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Someone still needs to pay for it. You owe me $1.25. Okay, hold on.
Eric: Milo as you are inside of the freezer, the inside of the freezer, like, your rooting out. You put the Reese's in there. It just kind of drops out. Please make a dexterity saving throw.
[Amanda and Julia laugh]
Brandon: Is this to grab my Reese's or is this to not fall?
Eric: Can be both.
[Brandon laughs nervously]
Julia: If you roll high enough it's both.
Brandon: It's a six so I think I lost my Reese's.
Amanda: Aw.
Eric: You fell. Yes. Unfortunately, you fall in and your Reese's is off in another well and you-- you kind of-- you've leaned too far in there and you tumble down into the bottom of this endless chest freezer.
Brandon: I was looking to see if there's any of those Strawberry Shortcake bars left and I just get too far in.
Julia: Incredibly graceful.
Amanda: Oh no. I'll stretch– tried to stretch down but then when I see that it-- it keeps going, I also keep going.
Eric: Sure.
Julia (as Val): Val's right behind being like, "Milo, thank you for that gift."
Brandon (as Kilonova): And then Milo is gonna clap his hands and yell "Ghost form!" And cast gaseous cloud.
Amanda (as Multitool): Aggie in her revery is like, "I can do that too!" And becomes a liquid blob.
[Players exclaims in excitement]
Eric: Here's what's funny. Val, as you jump in, you're now, like, you we're just-- you fall for a second and then you land on a slide. That's now sliding, you know, in a spiral pattern all the way down and you're going and then behind you is a cloud just kind of floating there and then some liquid Aggie just, like, gathering speed behind you.
Julia (as Val): Aggie don't run into me. This is gonna be gross!
Amanda (as Multitool): I can't stop. Can't stop.
Brandon (as Kilonova): The cloud of fog is slowly descending down in the little slide.
Eric: I don't want to have any fun, I want to be a cloud.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Is that the video of 3-year-old me?
Eric: Look! Daddy, I'm going through. The screen door-- the screen door comes with you
Amanda: Picturing Milo as a child makes Hank's parenting style make a lot more sense.
[Julia enthusiastically hums in agreement]
Eric: Everyone with children listening to this just got a faraway stare for a second.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: So, let's give them a second to come back. Okay, now you all slide down in various size. Aggie you're going so fast.
Amanda: Yeah, I think I'm picking up dust. Real sticky hands situation.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: Disgusting.
Julia: So gross.
Amanda: I'll pop back into regular form when I reached the bottom of wherever this is. And I'm just gonna bedraggled dusty, not-- not feeling good, little nauseous. Drink a lot of hot chocolate. It wasn't a good decision. Like, like most of today. Not a good decision.
Eric: This slide is going around and around, and you're getting close to the bottom because you see that there's, like, one circle of light down to the bottom of the slide that opens up. Vulcani, you kind of, like, floof down onto an air mattress. And Aggie you kinda, like, spill out of the slide onto the air mattress as well covered in dust.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: And Milo you got-- you float your way through not enjoying any of the fun of this slide, unfortunately.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It's a reflex, man. Whenever I start falling, I start turning to cloud now.
Eric: I love the idea of, like, you leaning too far back on the chair, and then you actually turned into a cloud. So funny.
[Amanda and Brandon cackles]
Brandon: 100%!
Amanda: Now, Lucas and Apple and Zack Rose is like, “Take a shot!” .
Eric: He--He did it!
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon: They definitely like, yeah, start pulling his-- his chairs and stole it out from under him now just to see it.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: There's a lot. There's, like, you four sitting, like, watching a movie and you're like dozing off dozing off, and then they stay very, very quiet and you fall asleep. And then Apple goes, Ah, ah, CHOO. And you're [screams in surprise].
Amanda: The really unfortunate part is that Tuna has now picked up on this behavior and so Tuna will also tip over chairs when you're leaning back in.
Brandon: What a fucking dick.
Eric: I think as all of you-- two of you get your corporeal form, Val you look around. And you-- you've been to a lot of family gatherings, right?
Julia: Why is that a question?
Eric: It's like when you go over your second cousin's house, and you go in the basement, and the basement is, like, such a dad cave.
[Julia hums in agreement]
Eric: Right? it's like, Oh, yeah, this is where my dad goes. Like, after he comes home from work. And he, like, he tells you-- he helps you with your homework and we don't see him for, like, four hours and he's, like, in the basement.
Julia: Just beer fridge.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: A lot of sports memorabilia.
Brandon: Kegerator.
Eric: And it's also just, like, I don't know how this is possible, but it just has, like, basement dank vibes.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Where it's, like, this is definitely underground because there is no sunlight ever-- has ever been down here.
Julia: Something needs to be cranking a dehumidifier but no one invested money in that.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Exactly.
Amanda: Yeah, I can store my roots down here. My tubers.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: My alliums. Maybe apples.
Eric: As you look around, there's, like, the walls are wood panels. There's, like, squishy green, fuzzy carpet on the ground. There-- there's a lot of dad supplies, as I said. Like a mini fridge. There's a bunch of, like, photos of Milo on the-- on the wall. There's a ping pong table. There is, like, a beer, you know, like, a neon beer sign, but it's for duvan boosters.
Brandon: There's, like, a barber's chair, just for some reasons.
[Amanda hums in agreement]
Eric: Right, because it's comfy and he wants to go-- to go fish out.
Brandon: Milo found it for him on eBay.
Eric: Yeah., There's definitely, like, stool. Like, barstools also, in places there shouldn't be barstools.
Amanda: Like as a side table?
Eric: Yeah. Like, someone's using it but also you could take it and use it as a bar as, like, an actual sitting but there's no bar to sit at it. So it's just like, "Oh, I guess I'm up high. Shit."
Julia (as Val): Milo is this your dad's house.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I have--
Julia (as Val): Is this where he lives?
Brandon (as Kilonova): I have no idea what this is. I'm going to assume that those barstools were for Tuna because Tuna does love a good high stool. But that's all I got.
Eric: You also look around. The thing that is kind of, like, disrupting the dad culture here is the incredibly high-tech computers and screens and like bits and bobs that are everywhere. It definitely rivals Dr. Morrow's lab, in terms of, like, you know, similarly, one full wall is a screen with, like, all these, like, space control. Like, keyboards and stuff everywhere. Like, there is knobs and things. It's clean while Dr. Morrow's was incredibly disorganized. This feels like it's at least decently put into place. It's also like Space Gray, I guess in the parlance of apple that, like, this is factory issue model of all these things. Like, this is the base model of whatever technology made this thing. It's like, it comes in two colors. It's gray and lighter gray and whoever chose this, chose lighter gray. There's no, like, decals or anything. It's weirdly, like standard issue, I guess is the best way to describe it. I suppose, like, the keyboards, like, have Sans Serif fonts. Like, the-- you can imagine that on this computer the only font it has is, like, Times New Roman, you know what I'm saying? And sitting, I guess, on the barber's chair, if you all-- all three of you blew out onto the air mattress, Hank Lane in, like, cargo shorts, tethers and an old SUNY LTC sweatshirt be like.
Eric (as Hank Lane): "Oh, hey guys, thanks for coming. If you're hungry, there's sandwiches in the mini fridge. You can just grab those. Those are for you."
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad, you got a stain on your sweatshirt.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, damn. Okay. And he takes it off and underneath is a T-shirt that has five holes in it. And then he turns the sweatshirt inside out and just puts it on.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): I have a question, sir.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Yeah. Vulcani, right?
Julia (as Val): Yes.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Vulcani, go ahead.
Julia (as Val): Is your man cave, like, funded by the taxpayers?
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): I want to be very clear. See, I've been-- I've been practicing on my politician speech here, right? I want to be very clear. I did not use any taxpayer money because this is not my mancave.
Julia (as Val): Pictures of your son are on the wall.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Well, I've spent time here but it's not mine.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Whose is it?
Amanda (as Multitool): Where are we?
Eric (as Hank Lane): We are here in a-- Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly what it is. But we are in an undisclosed location maintained by the United States Government, where know what where-- I can be able to talk to you about some important things.
Brandon (as Kilonova): So, this is an OTA safe house thing?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Yes, it is.
Julia (as Val): So, your mancave is taxpayer funded.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Once again, it is not my man cave. And he gets out of the barber chair with like, "Oh, alright, here we go." as he stands up.
Amanda (as Multitool): Before we get into any more government secrets, is there any kind of scan you can perform? Because there was definitely some kind of, like, Gutenberg surveillance drone on me when we came in.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Wow, once again, not trusting the Milo magic. That's fine. I'm used to it
Amanda (as Multitool): Both of you did a great job. I also-- I don't know if I have the clearance to hear these things. And I don't want our mortal enemy to do it. That's just kind of the day I'm having, so that's-- that's what I'm bringing to this just now.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, after that we do have questions about Clippy, but surveillance stuff first.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I'm gonna trademark Milo magic. I think that's good.
[Amanda giggles]
Eric (as Hank Lane): These are all wonderful questions that I definitely want to answer for all of you. But first, I think all of you need to eat a sandwich.
Julia (as Val): Oh, the sandwich is drugged?
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Are you trying to drug us?
Eric (as Hank Lane): No.
Julia (as Val): Is there salami?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Vulcani, you can trust my dad. You don't have to call him sir. It's all good. It'll be fine.
Julia (as Val): Milo, I call everyone in a position of power above me "sir."
Brandon (as Kilonova): He's not. He's so squishy.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Milo I wouldn't--
Julia (as Val): He's running for mayor. He works for the government or worked for the government. I'm going to call him sir.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): You know what, Milo I would like you to be started calling me sir. Can you put that into your-- your son programming please?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Not a chance in hell.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I thought I would try, that's okay. No, you wouldn't-- there is no other security as my wonderful son here has knocked out all of the security measures that could have been possible. Both ones that I would-- that was being maintained in here and any of the other ones outside. I think we're okay. You're saf-- as long as you came down the slide you should be- you were scanned okay.
Julia (as Val): Milo didn't come down the slide. He was in ghost form.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Milo!
Brandon (as Kilonova): Vulcani, what the hell?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Milo, go back up to the top and go down the slide.
Brandon (as Kilonova): No.
Julia (as Val): I don't want. I don't want weird bugs on your back.
Brandon (as Kilonova): No, the Milo magic took care of it.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Milo, go back upstairs and go down the slide.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Fine. I got to get my Reese's anyway. Milo walks back up the stairs. Gets his Reese's and slides back down the slide.
[Everyone laughs]
Julia: Weeh!
Eric: While-- while you're doing that.
Amanda: Julia is crossing her arms like a petulant child at a potato sack slide at a fair.
Eric (as Hank Lane): While you're doing that Hank lane is like, "So what does your parents do?"
Amanda (as Multitool): Ah, until very recently, my parents were early retirees traipsing around the globe absconding of their child rearing responsibilities, but now they live next door to me.
Julia (as Val): I don't have to answer your question.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Delightful. I love my son's friends.
Brandon (as Kilonova): They're colleagues.
Julia (as Val): I am still technically a secret identity. I'm not going to tell you what my mother does.
Eric (as Hank Lane): That's a good point. That's-- that's-- that's... I... Okay, that's fair. I'm reckon--. I'm now reckoning with the role that I've played here and I understand.
Brandon (as Kilonova): To be clear, just, like, for gaming purposes. Milo has never revealed Vulcani's secret identity to his dad.
Eric: Yeah, no. Definitely not. Once Milo reappears on the slide angry and cross-legged.
Brandon: He's already eaten all of the Reese's.
Julia (as Val): That was so fast. That slide wasn't that long.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Have you had a frozen Reese's? They're fucking great.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): Not denying the greatness. You must have inhaled it rather than chewed.
Amanda: Just-- Just double stacker. Two at once. Why have I never tried that? Fuck.
[Julia gasps in horror]
Eric (as Hank Lane): That sounds delicious. Hank sits down at the office chair that is in front of the big screen and big computer. Being like, "Folks, I have a lot to tell you here. I'm so happy all of you could join me. No one's eating the sandwiches that I if you could-- I hope you're not hungry yet."
Amanda (as Multitool): I'm eating them.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, you get the turkey?
Amanda (as Multitool): Aggie for the first time looks down to the sandwich in her hand. "Oh, yeah, yes."
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, sorry. Okay. I hope it's good. I got why-- I didn't know what else you want, so I just kind of got some ones that I liked. Um, so, listen, I've been keeping an eye on some of the things that's been happening lately. You know, I've been invested in the stuff that Milo and his friends have been doing. I think you're all just doing a real great bang up job. And there is something that I think could help all of you in the-... as you, you know, go out and do all the things you have to do. And I think it would be beneficial for all of the people involved here. Unfortunately, I could only tell you in a super secret, safe house far away from everything else. I want to be clear, first of all, this as the safe house, even if this was created and maintained by the Office of Technology Assessment, it would be against their better judgment to have security measures here to hear anything that's happening. Only I, as the kind of head of-- head of my department there knows where this place is. And I can tell you for certain that we are maintaining the secrecy of this because as you'll see in a moment, I would not choose to have this conversation here, if that was not the case.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad you realize you're gonna have to give this whole thing up soon, right?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay, if it comes out, it's not gonna be good. We get any non transparency here.
Eric (as Hank Lane): You will. Milo I am 20 steps and I'm also in a car driving five miles north ahead of you here. I gotcha.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Don't worry.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I'm always worried
Eric (as Hank Lane): We're safe. Um, so the reason why I came down here is that I've noticed recently that we have had an uptick of powered individuals who are kind of out and about in Laketown city, is that correct?
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And some of them are people just like-- the people like all of you who are working it out. Finding themselves, trying to be better people, doing what's best for the folks of Laketown city, correct?
Julia (as Val): Yes.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And some of them are artificial creations put together by John Press, aka Gutenberg, Master villain and-- and very rich individual eluding the powers that be trying to bring him to justice throughout the country that we have here.
Julia (as Val): I mean, I wouldn't call him a master villain, but sure.
Amanda (as Multitool): I thought that was kind of a scoop. Now I'm a bit– went out of my sails.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I only know that-- I only know the barest of information about it. I would love more for you to tell me more about this. And also, can you-- well, I've been working on and trying to get an extension onto my house if you could help me with kind of, like, lay that out.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, is that-- Wow, yes, I can do that.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Great. I would love to-- love to have a conversate-- We can go to a-- we go to House Warehouse after this. I have a 20% off coupon as a... as a dad, they just kind of give it to you.
Brandon: The dad discount.
Julia: You get your child either through birth or adoption and then House Warehouse an individual shows up and just hands you a card being like, "We know."
Eric: 100%.
Amanda: Yeah. Like, it's like when you move and the postal service sends you Bed Bath Beyond coupons. Like, how do they know?
Eric: It's just like that. Yeah. 100%.
Amanda (as Multitool): Aggie's gonna lean over, "Milo is it weird if your tap becomes my dad as well?"
Brandon (as Kilonova): If you want to be my sibling, he can adopt you. That's fine.
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay, we'll circle back on that.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I would love to dad as many people as possible. In fact, I'm trying to dad everyone in Laketown city if that would be possible. I would love that.
Amanda (as Multitool): That's pretty appealing. People would vote for that. I mean, that's-- Listen, I'm not involved, but that's, like, that's pretty good.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I will come over and fix your sink. I will do that. Okay, I've got to disrupt-- this dream of mine is distract-- distracting me. So, how are the three of you able to determine the difference between human powered individuals and pixelated powered constructs?
Julia (as Val): As of right now, it seems to just be the fact that they're competent.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, mostly it's at they have no personality and they're very well suited to the task at hand. And then we're all like, "That's suspicious."
[Eric hums in thought]
Julia (as Val): I also have these glasses that allow me to tell whether or not someone is a person or, like, not a person, but I can't use them all the time. It hurts my eyes.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Hmm. Interesting. Interesting. Can I see those for a second?
Julia (as Val): Sure.
Eric: Hank Lane reaches into his one of his cargo shorts pocket.
Amanda: Aggie's like nice.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Takes like, like, a plastic glove and puts it on. No fingerprints. It's yours. I don't, you know, protocol.
Julia (as Val): Suspicious, but alright.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I just don't want to be-- it's a route. It's the-- I can see how it seems rude to you what I'm doing, but it's more like I don't want to imprint upon your thing. I want to respect your boundaries and your objects.
Julia (as Val): It feels less rude and more serial killer-y, you get my vibe?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): I have no response to that, unfortunately.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And he takes the glasses from you and he looks them over and says, "Yeah. Okay. This seems familiar. Okay. We have been working, not we, the Office of Technology Assessment has been working on some sort of goggles or ocular enhancement tools for agents to easily access different parts of the-- the seeing spectrum. I'm-- the best I can say and we've been working on something similar to this. Based off of-- let's say similar technology as a basis here. Where did you get these Vulcani?
Julia (as Val): Dr. Morrow.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Yes, I could only imagine.
Amanda (as Multitool): How do you have similar technology?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Well, Cassandra.
Brandon (as Kilonova): They shared the same bed. Let's move forward.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Don't lie.
Amanda (as Multitool): We all knew. Everyone knows.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I just...
Julia (as Val): We kind of already knew that.
Eric (as Hank Lane): We were lovers, okay?
Julia (as Val): Oh, that makes the worse.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad, come on!
Amanda (as Multitool): Let's move one. Let's move on.
Eric (as Hank Lane): We shared the same bed. What are you?
[Eric groans]
Amanda (as Multitool): Aggie stretches her hand out and, like, puts a sandwich real close to Hank's mouth. Please don't talk again.
Eric (as Hank Lane): The Dr. Cassandra Morrow had a long standing relationship with the-- with the government, working with them as she might have explained to you. Dating back from the creation of-- just dating all the way back to, you know, everything that had happened in 1985. Here in-- in Laketown city.
Brandon (as Kilonova): What happened in 1985? Ha. ha.
Amanda: I feel like all Laketown city kids just as OC moment will have some kind of, like, propagandistic song ala Schoolhouse Rock about 1985.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: We got superpowers.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: in 1985. 1984, but one year later.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Do we sing the same exact song?
Amanda: We did. Yes.
Brandon: Legends.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I know for a fact that they are and that have made quite large developments in this field and I am very sure that this invention exists somewhere in the Office of Technology Assessment.
Amanda (as Multitool): You need us to go, like, break into a building?
Eric (as Hank Lane): I am not telling you to do that for me. I am saying it exists, and I think it would be to your benefit if you had such a piece of technology.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad, I'm gonna say this once. This feels real Nixon Watergate-y.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I-- as I am divor-- In fact, I am the opposite of that. Richard Nixon was a paranoid jowly man who was worried that his enemies were turning against him. I'm doing the opposite in fact, in telling you that someone who is supposedly my friend, I'm telling the friends that I have more people who I trust, have a thing that exists to their to your benefit to make sure you have that.
Julia (as Val): I don't know how familiar you are with the mob, but when you say like, "I'm not telling you to go do the [stutters]." That usually means you want us to go do it.
Eric (as Hank Lane): There is no way for me to tell you altruistically what I am offering to you. It is not for me. I do not want this. I'm fine. I have a barber's chair and a duvan boosters neon sign and my son and my mayoral campaign and I'm fine.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yeah, you need to take all of your personal effects here and revoke your access to this OTA safehouse.
Eric (as Hank Lane): We're going to do that afterwards-- as he starts taking down photos of Milo from, like, kindergarten graduations and middle school dances off the wall.
Amanda (as Multitool): Wait, did I get conscripted into moving someone again? This always happens.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): I mean, I guess I got sandwiches up front but damn.
Julia (as Val): Aggie, you just have to be firm and tell them no.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Aggie, can you pick up-- can you grab that clock that's really high up the wall?
Julia (as Val): No, she's busy!
Amanda (as Multitool): Aggie's frozen with, like, half a sandwich in one hand, like, looking between Val and Hank. Wait, okay, stop. We're literally in an OTA bunker right now. How can you intimate that we should go do that. And also, at some point, shouldn't someone set up a governmental body that do that kind of, like, liaises between superheroes and the government?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Like, he's trying. He's obviously trying to give us, like, political deniability. If ever were asked in public, we can say, "No, he wouldn't. My dad never told me to do that." So, but that seems like we should definitely come up with a plan. See Aggie, this, this sounds like a great information, but not the right way to go about it.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I'm just saying that it sounds like you all need something and I want to help you with that. Unfortunately, I can't just go to the Stewart's and pick it up for you. All I can say is that that's where it is. And it's going to be very helpful. I can understand that someone who is entire gambit is coming up with fake people, you would need to use this. All I want to do is help. All I want to do is help out the three of you. I just can't. I have revoked my access to it and I don't know where it is. I'm just saying that I know it's in that building.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad. I love you. I appreciate it. This is really helpful information. This is the last time you're allowed to help superheroes, because you're supposed to be a separation of superheroes and state.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I 100% agree with that. And as he's doing that, he, like, reaches in. I think there's, like, a beer, like, a separate beer cooler I guess over the corner that's not the mini fridge. And he reaches in there and you hear, like, the sloshing around of ice. And he pulls out, like, like, a 1950s Retro Futurist, like, flame thrower. That's like all chrome with, like, a big hose attached to, like, a like, a spout on the back. And be like, Oh, absolutely. I am 100% in agreement with that.
Julia (as Val): Is that your personal property?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Yes.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Hank Lane): We had wonderful bon-- We had wonderful bonfires.
Julia (as Val): Secondary question unrelated to you owning a flamethrower. Do you have, like, a friend or something who works still at the OTA who could potentially get us an in or bring us this... this item rather than us as superheroes acting out against the federal fucking government?
Eric (as Hank Lane): I do have someone who would be able to help you on the way in. The issue here is once we ask for it-- for okay, here... here is what scenario, right? I go there and I say, Hey, if it were not even me, you go there Vulcani. Superhero Vulcani of the Lake-- of Laketown city goes to the Office of Technology Assessment says, "Hello. Hello, I am Vulcani. I am an upstanding citizen. I defend people. I know, I have heard you're working on a piece of technology. Can I have it?" And they say, "No, I don't know what you're talking about." And then we never see it ever again. Part of what-- what the Office of Technology Assessment does is assess whether or not something should be out for consumption into the public sphere or not. When someone knows that it exists, they will assess it never existing ever again and be spirited away.
Julia (as Val): Sure, which is why I was asking if you have someone on the inside who could bring it to the outside.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Inventions under the OTAs purview are guarded to an utmost degree. They would not be able to take it out of the building.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Alright.
Julia (as Val): So, why would we be able to take it out of the building?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Hold on. Pause. We're into planning phases. Dad, put your fingers in your ears.
Amanda (as Multitool): Well, before you do that, do you run the People's River? What is this whole gun in the freezer situation?
Brandon (as Kilonova): That's a good question. Answer that one.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Cassandra gave this to me for my birthday.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Gross.
Amanda (as Multitool): When?
Eric (as Hank Lane): 1986.
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay, that's fair enough. Alright.
Julia: Insight check.
Eric: Sure.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: Nope, that's a 12.
Eric: He's telling the truth, but also you see him suppressing the idea that, like, they probably also kissed and stuff.
[Amanda giggles]
Julia: Gross.
Eric: And like, maybe there was, like, a coupon book for, like, sex and stuff.
Amanda: Oh no.
[Eric laughs]
Julia (as Val): Milo, now that your dad's ears are hopefully closed and I never have to think about him having sex ever again.
Eric: Julia, I want you to know if you would roll the 20 I would have explained the coupons and the coupon plus.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia: Fucking rude is what that would have been.
[Amanda and Eric laugh]
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay, fingers in the ears Dad. Say watermelon over and over again.
Eric (as Hank Lane): [sings to the tune of The Girl from Ipanema] The girl from Ipanema she goes --
Brandon (as Kilonova): There we go.
Eric: -- and dances around.
Brandon (as Kilonova): So what if we leak this information to a journalist?
Julia (as Val): But then it'll just disappear like you said.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yes, that might be true, but we could take down the whole OTA because they are hiding public-- they are hiding secrets from the public.
Julia (as Val): Well, my... my issue is, this doesn't seem like it's any kind of technology that would be dangerous to people, so they have no reason to disappear it or not make it available.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Right.
Amanda (as Multitool): I think if they know that someone has talked about the existence of a thing, they'll disappear the thing.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): You know, like, whether or not it's actually dangerous. I mean, we also have access to this technology another way. Like, maybe we should visit Dez. Maybe we should talk to him, see where his head's at. Trust me, I love the idea of heisting this shadowy government agency as much as the next person, but it might be worth just saying to Dez hey, you know, on... on a one-on-one basis, side hustle moonlighting type situation. Do you know, do you want to make some more advanced classes for us?
Eric: To that point, Brandon, will you make a history check for me and I will give you um, I'm gonna give you advantage on it.
[Dice clanks]
Brandon: 15 + 5.
Julia: Pretty good.
Brandon: For a non-natural 20.
[Amanda and Julia hums in excitement]
Eric: Wonderful, because you're on your dad, and you're talking about the Office of Technology Assessment, you remember, you're the only person who's actually been inside of the OTA building, remember?
[Brandon hums in agreement]
Eric: During the time loop you snuck in there to figure out what your dad was doing.
Eric: [Brandon hums in agreement]
Brandon: Lots of beige, lots of really bad cake, like grocery store shake cake.
Eric: Yes. Do you remember what happened right before the time loop reset?
Brandon: Yeah, we looked up all the stuff on the computer and then they were using an item. And they looked over my direction and saw Tuna or me or something. And then, I threw Tuna at them or something. And --
Amanda: Oh, damn.
Brandon: -- something like that.
Eric: Right. So, what had happened was you were using Pass without Trace, but someone like Cassandra, who's-- whose birthday it was got to try on a new piece of tech. They were [stutters] they were dealing with which kinda looked like, like, big, you know, when you go to the optometrist, and they put the goggles on you, they kind of looked like that. And she was able to see you without through, like, your ghostly invisibility.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: And you realize that that might have been a prototype to what your dad is referring to.
Brandon: Right. And Milo has known all of this and remember all of it perfectly, and he just hasn't said it out loud because he can't tell his dad he was on the office, you know?
Eric: Exactly.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: Exactly. So, you know, you know it exists. Your dad isn't fooling here because you saw it.
Brandon: Okay. So, my dad's fingers are still in his ears, right?
Eric (as Hank Lane): [sings in the tune of The Girl from Ipanema] Yeah. She likes to dance around cuz her thing is that she likes to dance. I love that--
Julia (as Val): Re your plan Aggie real quick. I don't mind going to Dez, but at this point, it seems like in defeating Gutenberg time might be of the essence. And I'm not sure Dez would be able to get us a more powerful item in time for us to respond to the threat that is Gutenberg.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay, well, here's the-- here's the problem, right. So, I know for a fact this thing exists. I saw it in a time loop, or at least some version of it. The problem is, if we heist this thing we'll be looking like we're against the government, which is not great if we--
Julia (as Val): Only if we get caught, Milo.
Brandon (as Kilonova): That's true. We have been talking about being separated from the government after this whole Dr. Morrow thing.
Amanda (as Multitool): Right.
Brandon (as Kilonova): So, I think we use this as an opportunity to bring down a thing that is not great for any citizen for some shadowy government to decide what and-- what we can and cannot have. And I think, yeah, I think maybe we try to find another way to get the same tech.
Amanda (as Multitool): At the same time, though, I didn't think about it, Vulcani. But you're right that I also don't want to put Dez in a position to have to, like, go against his employer, you know, and decide what not to tell Dr. Morrow or use her resources to make the item so is there a third way we're not talking about apart from, like, Emily's money?
[Brandon snickers]
Julia (as Val): I mean, is there a way that we can get these goggles or whatever, and then also take down a shadowy government organization?
Amanda (as Multitool): Like stealing secrets that we can, I don't know, leak to the press. That could be kind of fun.
[Julia hums]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Walking through while you're talking about this, with Milo's dad still has his fingers in his ears. And he goes, [in the tune of Girl from Ipanema] "If only there was a day coming up where a lot of people in the Office of Technology Assessment were leaving. Oh, family field days in a few days."
Amanda: We all make high context.
Julia (as Val): That was convenient.
Brandon (as Kilonova): He really needs to learn the lyrics to The Girl from Ipanema.
Julia (as Val): That was definitely not the lyrics to Girl from Ipanema. No.
Eric (as Hank Lane): She likes to dance from Ipanema. That's where she goes, she learned to dance there.
Brandon (as Kilonova): So, here's the-- here's the trouble, but so I do think we can go in there, get in, get it, come out, leak the secrets, get a shutdown, expose it at least. But then, if we use it in public, are we getting, like, is it going to have the fucking OTA branding on it or something? Like, is someone going to know that we think that we're, like, align ourselves with the government? I don't know.
Julia (as Val): I mean, I feel like we could probably, like, rebrand it. Besides, I already have technology that's similar, so we can just be like, "Yeah, we did an upgrade."
Brandon (as Kilonova): Seems risky, but I think it might be worth doing.
Julia (as Val): Also, no one would-- when we leak all this information we can get stuff that isn't about these glasses to be-- to be leaked.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Oh yeah.
Julia (as Val): Rather than it be about the glasses.
Brandon (as Kilonova): That's true.
Julia (as Val): Because I'm sure they're doing other sketchy shit besides this.
Eric: The three of you have your arms on each other. And me, Eric, Eric Silver: DM is also inside of that huddle.
Brandon: You-- you, like, get on your back and slide underneath our feet.
Amanda: On the mechanic role, it was useful, yeah, yeah.
Eric: I was just thinking of the mechanic role. Yeah, so you can make checks or you can ask Hank for more information here because you're making some assumptions, but I think that you're onto if you want to fill some-- some ideas in there's always that opportunity for you to do so.
Brandon: I'm trying to avoid asking Hank things so he can have deniability about.
Eric: No, that's fine. I think if you don't want to ask him but you can also make checks if you need-- if you want to think of some things through.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: We also know that they were influencing elections in Laketown city for a while. Like, that in itself is pretty sketchy.
Amanda: That's true.
Eric: Correct.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. Listen, I-- I'm on board to sneak in there. See what we find and leak stuff to help try and uncover all this history.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Oh, man. If only someone was dating a really great investigative journalist.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): You guys brought them up. I didn't bring them up. I mean, they already do a great job on this.
Julia (as Val): We all knew.
Amanda (as Multitool): Okay. Alright. As long as it's not, like, I'm just, like, suggesting it just because it was, like, they don't need my help because they are, like, professional on their own. And I-- I just-- I don't want anyone to think that, like, any of their successes is because me– because, like, I just frankly, it's the other way around and, like, I just-- I don't.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Oh, yeah. They were... they were already way established before you were there though. They're the one that has the power in this relationship.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, I'm fine being a product of their success and not the other way around. Okay, good. As long as that's clear.
Eric (as Hank Lane): [in the tune of Girl from Ipanema] She wears shoes that makes it easy to dance --
Brandon (as Kilonova): Dad!
Eric: -- ever she wants since.
Julia: Val just smacks his hands.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, hello. Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Um, quick question. Were you planning to burn this safe house with that flamethrower? What are you doing with that?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Yeah, like a-- like a small blue flame is going out at the end. He's like, "Yeah, right after we're done. I'll take care of it."
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Oh.
Julia (as Val): Cool. Checks out.
Eric (as Hank Lane): They-- it was scheduled for demolition because it was the one that has of my personal effects in it. I just asked if I could do it my own way which was the flamethrower.
Amanda (as Multitool): Are we gonna have to respond to, like, a sinkhole under the Stewart's because this is my Stewart's. Like, I have a pump that I know exactly the angle to get as close as possible without clipping and then-- yeah.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Hank is just looking at the flame coming out of the flamethrower. He says, "What?"
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Focus up, Hank.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Oh, okay. Yeah, so is there anything else you need for me? What-- how else can I be? Tell you what you need to know.
Brandon (as Kilonova): We're good. But last question, what the fuck was Clippy? Did-- What? It was not actually --
Julia (as Val): Yeah, what the fuck is Clippy?
Brandon: -- Clippy. Please tell me.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Great question.
Amanda (as Multitool): Can you burn that too as you-- as you just do it?
Eric (as Hank Lane): No.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Is Clippy alive? Don't burn him.
Julia (as Val): Sentient at least it seems.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Bud, I don't want to speak ill of someone. It feels like all of us have broken up with, at some time. But we all have had experience with Cassandra so I'm gonna say this nicely.
Brandon (as Kilonova): You're making it weird.
Eric (as Hank Lane): I-- there's-- this was a weird thing to happen in general. Yeah, bud ah, Cassandra has always been a-- Well, it's not shoot first ask questions later it's more like.
Julia (as Val): Loose canon? Is that the correct term?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Build-a-pulse-canon-first-and-ask-questions-later kind of person.
Julia (as Val): Great.
Eric (as Hank Lane): So, we have been cleaning up. I have been responsible for cleaning up her choices for decades now. And Clippy is-- stays-- is one of them. At one point, the danger-- the fun time Danger Room as she described it.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, it really caught on.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): She is called a, yeah. She's-- she wrote that down. That was the title of the invention. It was well in the 90s it got sentience and they escaped into the real world and...
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh.
Eric (as Hank Lane): It was a wild 1994 for me, personally.
Julia (as Val): Cool.
Amanda (as Multitool): Wow.
Eric (as Hank Lane): And, you know, you can't... you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So, Clippy works here at the Stewart's.
Julia (as Val): So, it's a different Clippy than the one that we saw at Dr. Morrow's house?
Eric (as Hank Lane): Well, when you make a copy of something, is it a different thing or just the same thing that it is?
Julia (as Val): There is more than one in existence.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It's like Venom. They're all the same Venom, right? But like, they're all hive mind, but they have different thing, people.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Whatever reference you kids are making, I'm gonna say yes.
Brandon (as Kilonova): It's like the Borg. It's like they're all the same.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Got it. Yes. Like the Borg. Thank you.
Amanda (as Multitool): I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do now owe Clippy an apology.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hank Lane): Nice. Real nice... real nice person.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay, so we're not gonna kill Clippy then, right?
Eric (as Hank Lane): No, I am just torching the-- the bunker-- the bunker as we have here.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Wonderful.
Amanda (as Multitool): Well, better go get that clock. Aggie stands up to start taking pictures off the wall working from the top down.
Julia (as Val): Aggie you're busy. You do not have to do this man's labor.
Eric (as Hank Lane): Hey, on the way out will all of you just grab a box?
Brandon (as Kilonova): No!
Julia (as Val): Hell fucking no.
[Eric laughs]
[Techno beat starts]
Eric (as Hank Lane): The Office of Technology field day is in three days this Saturday. At that point, the most number of people are going to be gone. My contact will hopefully be one of the skeleton crew working on that day. We have three days until go time. I believe in all of you. Alright, so everyone get out of here before I start. I lay everything on fire.
Julia (as Val): Can I stay and watch that?
[Brandon laughs hysterically]
Eric (as Hank Lane): I don't see why not.
[JTP Outro Theme Music starts]
Transcribed by: John Matthew Sarong