I went down to the crossroads, didn’t know what I would find / down to the crossroads, didn’t know what I would find / Only store that was open, taking pieces for a rind
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: The privateer heist reaches its thrilling conclusion. Cammie dramatically fights her way through the sailors with the greenhouses on their heads and their brains exposed. Troy and Umbi cling to the freighter via Troy's friendship arrow rope, skipping on the water and dodging out of the way of boiling geysers. Back on board, Umbi unsurprisingly, but satisfyingly, blew up the engine of the freighter, and Troy and Cammie figure out the secret of the weird door. Turns out, it has three knobs that you have to turn at the same time, which leads to a secret hold, where it seems that the Hothouse have created a mold for a Big Key, capital B, capital K. Well, what do you do after a heist? You celebrate. Let's get the party started.
[theme ends]
Eric: Back at the Cragish outpost office with a clean in and outbox, the framed diplomas for International Diplomat Academy at the Cragish Capital City.
Brandon: The IDACC?
Amanda: CCC.
Brandon: Yes, thank you.
Eric: Well, it's the Royal International Diplomatic Academy, of course.
Amanda: Ah. Ah.
Brandon: Okay, yeah.
Eric: And the clean and starched banners from Cragish houses so strange and old, you would think they were fables. The books on the wall arranged by author, genre, decade, and color all at the same time.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Delicately rolled up maps and charts and plans, leather chairs dewy like the morning lawn, the gleaming cage of pinecone pigeons, even the newspapers on the floor of this tiny rookery are of today's date. The only thing askew in this room is the mouth of young Commander Vineyard as he wipes his face with his oversized vine hand and says—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay, explain this to me again, just one more time. What happened?
Julia (as Cammie): We did a cool heist and it worked, I would say 65%.
Brandon (as Umbi): 94%.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi says 94, let's meet in the middle.
Amanda (as Troy): Did we deal with the High Roses Crew? We did, in fact. They did not get any bounty and they did not infiltrate the ship successfully. Did we—
Brandon (as Umbi): Probably dead, who knows?
Amanda (as Troy): Exactly. Who knows?
Julia (as Cammie): Who can say?
Amanda (as Troy): That is a yes. Did we figure out what was going on? Yeah, pretty much, which I count as a success. And then—
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): We do.
Amanda (as Troy): We— did we— did we leave undetected? Well, they did imprison all three of us at different times during the day, but they did not know we were from the Crags delegation. And so, therefore, I would say, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): They don't know our names.
Amanda (as Troy): They don't know our names.
Brandon (as Umbi): 94%
Amanda (as Troy): I'll take it.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay. And— and this?
Eric: As Commander Vineyard puts his big, leafy hand—
Julia: On a bunch of blueprints that we handed him? Absolutely, but not on the key case.
Amanda (as Troy): Because that is what was in the hold, and that is what we are saying.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, blueprints from Hothouse, they must have been working with Hothouse.
Amanda (as Troy): They must be really important.
Brandon (as Umbi): And here's a brain of a guy I smashed.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we found this wild stuff about all the— all the brain going ons, so that we learned— I don't know if the blueprints had to do with that or what, we didn't really look at it, apart from to tell, you know, what— what in fact they were. But yeah, the hold was just chock full of it, man.
Eric: You motherfuckers. Okay. I'm gonna need all three of you to make deception checks for me. We're going to average this out and then I'm going to roll.
Julia: Oh, you're— you're fucked, man. You're fucked.
Eric: Please, please.
Brandon: Julia, remember, you still have me.
Amanda: Eric, does this count as Poker Face, advantage on Ability Checks and Saving Throws made to prevent others from sensing my motives, perceiving my emotions, or reading my thoughts?
Eric: I would say so.
Brandon: I say so.
Julia: To the letter what that's for. I rolled a 22 and 19 plus 3.
Brandon: Shit. I rolled a 9.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Politician, why is your Deception not higher?
Brandon: That's a good question. I don't know.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: And I have an 18 plus 2 for a Dirty 20.
Eric: He's one of those old school politicians who were actually were just like, "I'm gonna pave this road, I will. That's it."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): "I love war. I'm going to kill everyone."
Eric: "Yeah, he's honest, but they're all honest." Okay, so that's 22, 20, and 9?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Alright, let's do an average of that. Gives me a 17.
Brandon: Not bad.
Julia: It's pretty good.
Eric: Commander Vineyard is a diplomat.
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Eric: I'm gonna say plus 3, but I'm giving myself disadvantage because he trusts Troy and Umbi.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Hey, Eric, don't even roll.
Eric: No?
Julia: Don't even roll.
Brandon: Oh, shit.
Julia: Tasseography.
Eric: Alright, what are you giving me?
Julia: I'm just very quickly going to take a picture, so no one knows that I'm lying. It is a 6.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: I— also, I started rolling in front of the camera so everyone could see it before I dropped the dice.
Eric: Alright, there you go.
Amanda: Damn.
Julia: So Cammie takes a little sip of tea and goes—
Julia (as Cammie): [giggles]
Brandon: Does she like— like blow the steam off the top of the—
Julia: Yeah, like she's trying to cool it down.
Brandon: Yeah, and the steam goes and he— like in anime, like it's— he sucks up to his nostrils, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And—
Amanda (as Troy): Commander, my man, my man. I know. We tried our best, we did our best for you. I'm so sorry. We couldn't get it all the way, but we got these blueprints. And hey, that ship is not going to be cutting through this corner anymore, I bet you.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, that one for sure.
Eric: So it's the blueprints and one of the brains?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay, that’s fine.
Brandon: That was also a joke, but I don't know.
Amanda: Yes, Brandon.
Eric: Oh, I thought it was good.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: No, I thought it was good.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Okay, okay, okay.
Eric: I just want to know.
Amanda: Brandon, first thought, best thought, yes.
Eric: No, it's good.
Julia: Not just the brain, obviously. It's like also the greenhouse.
Eric: No, the brain and—
Amanda: Yeah, yes. Yeah.
Eric: The brain and the thing, yeah, yeah. Or you— you can just bring that— you can just—
Amanda: I think that's the house.
Eric: Wait, you want the brain or just the houses?
Amanda: No, no, that guy was still alive! That guy was still alive and you can't tell me otherwise!
Eric: No, you took the house. Yeah, you took the house.
Brandon: So it's just the greenhouse? Okay.
Eric: It's just the greenhouse. Okay, okay.
Julia: The broken greenhouse, yeah.
Brandon: I didn't just decapitate someone and throw a head on his desk?
Eric: Okay. So—
Julia: We have to stop doing that.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Before I jump to conclusions, what do you— what do you think this is?
Julia (as Cammie): The blueprints or the brain?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Or— yeah. What is this? Yes. What is this?
Julia (as Cammie): Huh. Well—
Brandon (as Umbi): I have— I've never seen a Greenfolk who has those sort of like telepathic abilities before.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or like hive mind ability type stuff, I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): It was— it was like when one of them talked, all of them heard. But their mouth did not do any talking.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): So some kind of extra special juice to make these guys more powerful or connected together somehow.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): And— and this— and these blueprints are what— what— okay. Do you— you pick this up from the freighter that was— that was delivering Overstalk silk and where—
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): What blue— where are these from?
Julia (as Cammie): I am a pirate, sir. I don't know where they're from.
Amanda (as Troy): We just looked at them quickly. They look kind of Hothouse-ish. Those nerds love lines and stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): They looked like documents.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. But no, the silk was on board, like on top on the deck, and then they made it sound like that's what they were transporting. But then this— what was underneath, in the deck.
Julia (as Cammie): Behind a secret door.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): So I think these were the bad things that you were looking for.
Brandon: Eric, can I roll just like a—
Julia: Are you sure you want to?
Brandon: You tell me if it was better to be like Arcana, or like Investigation, or History, or something to, like, see if I recognize these. If it’s like similar to something I've seen.
Eric: I would say History if you want to see if these are like— if you— if you want to know where they're from or Arca— like, you know, we talked about tech as Arcana if that's something that you want to, like, analyze it a little, analyze, like, the specs themselves, but you're trying to figure out like where they're from.
Brandon: Let's do our Arcana then, because, yeah, I— I think it's less important where they're from, more important what they're doing right now.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Well, that's an 11.
Eric: Cool, cool. I will say these are blueprints, now that you've had a look at it, and you compare the blueprints to the object. These are the blueprints for construction and repair of this object that you've seen, this key mold.
Amanda: Oh.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe they were gonna bring it to Hothouse to build this item.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true. Or maybe Hothouse does have it and this is, like, repair instructions.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Interesting. Interesting. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Did you guys know about anything like this that could have been transported? Anything that they're working on?
Brandon (as Umbi): Have you been looking for this object or something?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I will be hon— this is a— this is— this is a surprise. I'm— I— I'm— I— I spend— now, the three of you don't know me, but I do spend quite a lot of time making sure I'm on top of things here. If you can see my— what I have going on here, the—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, you seem really clean and efficient.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Internally and externally here.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. You're— you're doing great.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Thank you.
Amanda: Troy kisses him on the forehead.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): My liege, I appreciate it, but this is surprising, to say the least. Especially finding unexpected technical documents on a merchant ship seems pretty out of— pre— seems pretty out of place. I mean, it surprised me in my entire career here on the Cragish out— on the Cragish outpost. Um—
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, every nation is going to have developments that they keep secret from other nations. Your job here is to monitor those things, make sure you stay on top of it as best you can. Answer is you're gonna be surprised sometimes. And I don't want you to take that too hard, am I right, guys?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Absolutely.
Brandon (as Umbi): Totally.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I'm glad you said that, Prince Troy, because I do need to be honest with the three of you about something. My entire job—
Brandon (as Umbi): Just like we've been with you this entire time.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Yup.
Eric: Brandon, watch yourself, we're gonna make you roll again. Fucking watch yourself.
Julia: Bitch, calm down.
Brandon: Alright, you're fine. No more jokes.
Eric: I'm hold— I'm holding this dice. I'm— I'm like, "Watch it. Hey. Hey. Hey."
Amanda: Yeah, the spray bottle in front of the cat, "Hey."
Eric: Hey.
[Amanda makes spraying noise]
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I have to be honest with you. My job here on the Cragish outpost is to report back through royal channels, to the edge.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, of course.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Of cour— I won't— I will need to report on what happened here, my use of hiring of privateers which, of course, is delegated within my— my budget here.
Amanda (as Troy): That's your right, yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): And I will— I will need to report in some way or fashion, give some detail upon who I hired for good reasons, of course, but for— to— so that we can— as a recommended vendor.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): So unfortunate— I can't— there's no— I will need to supply some information about the ship and the members of the crew.
Brandon (as Umbi): Our ship, you mean? Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, what's your first name? What's your given name?
Eric: Oh, God. What's my gi— what's my given name?
Brandon: Commander.
Eric: Commander, just---
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Commander— I— Commander makes me feel— I feel comfortable with Commander.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, Commander.
Amanda: Troy puts his hand on his shoulder.
Amanda (as Troy): I would never put you in that position, man. You serve the Crags, and I serve the Crags, just in our different ways. These two serve the Crags when it suits them, like real pirates.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Tell them Troy Riptide came.
Brandon (as Umbi): Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags occasionally.
Amanda (as Troy): You can tell them too— and I'm very sorry to my crew right now. I'm going to give up my share of the amber, for this mission because it was not fulfilled to the 100% that it should have been. But my colleagues here did their best and deserve to get paid for their efforts, okay?
Brandon (as Umbi): Walk the plank, Troy!
Amanda (as Troy): I know, I'm very sorry.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, the amber!
Amanda (as Troy): I— I cannot have anyone yelling at me for getting paid off both sides. You know what I mean? Not that I'm getting paid anymore, but— you know?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): This information would certainly have more credence if the supposedly dead Troy Riptide who reappeared only— only during the Bullseye Games, and this would— this would certainly give my report so much more credence, is that—that's— that's alright?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you died?
Amanda (as Troy): I know. They think I died. They had a very tasteful funeral, I hear. I hope there were a lot of hot people crying.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): There were. There were. I was there.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): There were, there were.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes. Fuck. Okay. Phew. You know, what you can do for me, though, is teach the algae what— guide our boat, how to get through all those hot, hot steams. I don't want to get blasted to pieces on our way over to the labyrinth. Do you guys— is that— is that a fair—
Julia (as Cammie): Do you have like a map?
Amanda (as Troy): —a fair exchange?
Julia (as Cammie): A map would be nice.
Amanda (as Troy): A map, a little lesson.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that— all of that.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Oh, we can— I can give you a map. Yeah, for sure. I can absolutely supply you with a map.
Julia (as Cammie): And maybe like a potion for our algae, so we don't all sweat real bad. I don't know.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): As you can see—
Eric: And he raises up the armpits of all three of his arms.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I— there's nothing I can do about that.
Amanda: So sweaty.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That's for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): I have an idea about that anyway.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): But, Commander, are you saying that having a senator from Overstalk is not enough? Senator Umbi from Overstalk is not enough to give credence to your report?
Julia (as Cammie): Are you still a senator or did, like, they re elect someone? Are you just, like, you know, Senator at Large?
Brandon (as Umbi): I still got my ID badge.
Eric: Senator at large! Umbi writes in once a year to the magazine to be like, this is what I've been doing.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Amanda: The low grain iPhone photo.
Eric: "I was in Antarctica." Selfie.
Brandon: A— a low-pixel woodcarving.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: Yeah. Oh, my God.
Amanda: I went to Malta and all I took a picture of was this one dog. That'll be me as— as a Senator at large.
Eric: No, that's good.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That's good.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I will— I'll start working on this report. I appreciate your honesty, your kindness, and I knew that this was— it was the— I— I cannot believe how— how ble— how blessed I am to have run into the three of you.
Julia (as Cammie): Can I ask a question?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Absolutely.
Julia (as Cammie): What are you guys gonna do with these blueprints?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Analyze them, fi— study them, understand the in— the international— the— you know, bring our scholars and use this information to make the Crags and the greater Salt Sea a better place.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm just curious, I want to make sure that I'm not implicated in war crimes later.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Well, it’ll be in the report, but I don't know if war crimes people read reports. I don't know—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —where these reports go. You know, the reports, they—
Julia (as Cammie): I think that's basically what war crimes people do.
Amanda (as Troy): All— all the— all the nerds what— read all these reports and stuff. They are in a room with no windows and no doors. Hardly any airflow, but that's okay because they are—
Julia (as Cammie): How'd they get in there?
Amanda (as Troy): —anaerobic microorganisms.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): And we call them the Geek Squad.
Brandon: No, wait, the leek squad.
Eric: No, the— I— it's not the leek sq— it shouldn't be a leek squad.
Brandon: Well, it's a—
Eric: No, it's a no-leek squad.
Amanda: No, L-E-E-K.
Eric: No, I understand— no, I understand what he said.
Julia: We're word punning too hard. Abort, abort.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): The Royal International Diplomat Academy is just actually one big cement cube where there is no in and out.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): They seal you in for an extended period of time.
Amanda (as Troy): You know—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I know— no, no, no. I know that— from my time, I've had an illustrious career as a dip— as an international diplomat and out— and outpost manager. I— this will get filed and— and put into the appropriate place in the archives, and studied, and— and it will make the world— it will make Verda Stello a better place.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just like your dad.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Just like my da— just like my dad.
Amanda (as Troy): Can you say how I'm a lot better looking after I died?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I will report that— I will report that you've gained a roguish—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —demeanor and aura—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —that is only—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —that's only gained from time upon the— upon the sea that you have be— that you have made both your partner and mistress.
Amanda (as Troy): In Death's Jaw— In Death's Jaw would be great, actually. I read that in a book.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay, I'll write that down.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, hey, hey. Thank you.
Brandon (as Umbi): In the barrels book?
Amanda (as Troy): No, it was a different one.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): It was— actually, it was an ad for a different book in the back of the barrels book. Sorry, you're right. Fuck! Fuck! I tried to brag. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was dishonest and tried to brag.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I— if you— I— I— as much— as much time as I'm enjoying with the three of you here, I do need to— I'd want to file this report as quickly as possible.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): So the— to only get further credence and it's— it's quick distribution back—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): —back to the ho— back to the— back to the Kingsland.
Amanda (as Troy): No time to wait, no time to lie. We always say this.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): That's what I— of course. The—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I have— it's on the po— it's on a poster below the clock.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, real quick. Is there anything that we should know or can know about the Greenfolk that were— had the greenhouse head thing?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I've never seen anything like this. It needs to be analyzed—
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, just triple-checking.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): No, I mean, all the— you're the— I mean, you're the one who saw it in action. I— I'm— that's what I'm trying— I want to write— I want to write down.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool, cool.
Eric: And you see that the vine hand is writing— is— is writing like— is at a little typewriter like—
Brandon: Oh, it's so cute.
Eric: —typing it out while you're having this conversation.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I'm trying to get down everything that you're saying. So I haven't seen it. Of course, I haven't seen anything like this.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): But for—
Amanda (as Troy): So two amber, one map is all we need.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Two Amber and a ma— and a map, yes.
Eric: He reached— he goes down to his big desk, unlocks something, click, click, click, click, click, click. Unlocks something else, click, click, click, click, click, click. Unlock, click, click, click, click, click.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Okay, this is by— this is the petty amber, okay. So one for each of you.
Eric: Gives one to Cammie, gives one to Umbi.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, Petty Amber’s my wife.
Eric: You can call me Petty Amber, but don't call me late for supper. Okay. And of course, he gives you a map of the boiling aisles, and it's kind of like— it looks like a water flow map, actually.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: You know, the I—
Amanda: Like a map of the air currents?
Eric: Yeah, like a map of the air currents or like the ice puzzle on Pokemon.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Where it's like, "Follow this direction, so the water takes you in the ways that you're supposed to go," and you're avoiding— because, you know, the air currents— the heat messes with the water currents and pushes you in particular directions, so you can follow that.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Just looking at it, am I confident I can read this map? Can I roll?
Eric: For con— for confidence?
Amanda: No, I want to make sure it's a real map, that's like— that's like—
Julia: Right.
Amanda: —written properly how maps are.
Eric: Okay, make an Insight Check. Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I'm also the navigator, can I roll for that too?
Amanda: Oh, Julia should. Yeah, I forgot.
Eric: Yeah, make an Insight Check.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Insight.
Brandon: I think it's a beautiful map.
Eric: Oh, it is a beau— you know, it's a beautiful map. There's like little— there's little doodles of, like, sea creatures in there.
Brandon: Yeah, I love it when they take liberties like that.
Amanda: Oh, my God. It's so cute.
Eric: Here there be snapdragons, you know?
Amanda: Aw.
Julia: Aw.
Eric: Amanda whispered it. I did a retake. I'm sorry.
Julia: That's good.
Eric: I'm sorry.
Julia: Okay. So I rolled 16 and my Insight is 6.
Amanda: Woah.
Julia: So that's a 22.
Eric: Alright, I'm gonna tell you—
Julia: Cammie looks at it and like in their hands, like—
Julia (as Cammie): I love maps.
Eric: Beautiful map. It's a beautiful map.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: You do look down at the date, it is 15 years old.
Julia (as Cammie): Is there a more current map for this current map?
Eric: Not only is this 15 years old, using a map is not easy. You can see that like— there's also like speeds. There's a one through five scale like—
Julia: Oh.
Eric: —like on river rapids, next to—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —next to everything here. This is like looking at— I know that I'm using so many comparisons. When you're looking at like a map of a ski mountain and, like, yeah, there's— there's a green circle, blue square, a black diamond. The symbol of the black diamond says, "This is hard." But if you were to go down a black diamond unprepared, man, that would sure be— that would be scary and dangerous.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So a map can only help you so far. However, I will say— because this is an Insight Check, Commander Vineyard says—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): This is what we're working off of. This is standard issue to every one of the various— this is standard issue to everyone who works here at the Boiling Island— at the Boiling Reef outpost. It's all— it's— we— we don't have as— we don't have the ma— we don't have the green power to continually remap the Boiling— the Boiling Reef. So this is—
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Eric: — this is what— this is what we all use.
Julia (as Cammie): When you send people out there, like— so they— they know what they're doing, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Like your men and stuff?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yeah. I mean, yes, yes.
Julia (as Cammie): May we have one?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, just to borrow.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We can— I— I—
Amanda (as Troy): We'll drop him back off.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Unfor— I don't—
Amanda (as Troy): One that you were gonna fling, okay? That way you can say you flung them, but actually we take them.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I can't— I can't— we're— we're— this is a bare-bones crew. We don't have enough people for us to lea— for us to loan out, unfortunately.
Julia: Cammie pouts.
Amanda (as Troy): Would hate to hear that the prince died twice on your watch.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): And I would say to own that— the effectiveness of this report that the— that Prince Troy came in and out as a privateer and disappeared into the night is only to the benefit of Prince Troy for him to actually disappear into the night instead of continuing to hold on to Cragish resources.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, man. Just give me one thing to help my ship, please.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I know, this is— I— I have— this is all I have.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Question, what— is the shi— is the concern more for the organics, or for the ship, or the equal?
Amanda (as Troy): That would help us. When people meet their deaths on the Boiling Reef, how?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Equal— it's equal. I would say equal. Equal— it's— it's dangerous.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): But you know, this is— this is the crime— this is the way the crew— this is where we live. This is how we do.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Well, I— I have an idea and a plan for the organics.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know what to do for the ship, though. So as long as we get like, you know, at least—
Amanda (as Troy): Just something.
Brandon (as Umbi): —just some guidance there. I think we can rig up something on the boat, right?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): This is all— I— I— I can't offer anything else, unfortunately. I wish I could, but this is all I have.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, that's fine. Yeah.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): We're— we're bare—we're at our barest bo— we are at our barest of plant bones here.
Brandon (as Umbi): The least you could do is give us the third amber, you know, as a—as a make-up— you know?
Julia (as Cammie): I'll take it if Troy doesn't want it.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I really need to fi— file this report. Please, I— please, I do need to file this report.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, guys.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, okay. We'll get out of your hair.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): This is the be— this is the best I can do.
Julia (as Cammie): Bye.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I— I'm sorry.
Brandon (as Umbi): We'll get out of your vines.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, Commander.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Plea— yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, Commander?
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): I'm— I'm really trying to give you all the attention, but I'm trying— though, I— I— there are so many— I need a— there's so many misspellings in my vine report. I have to go over it. My— my mind is split. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I— I'm so happy. I'm so incredibly happy that this— that this chance meeting has come— has come upon us out here in the— out here in the raging everything, but I— there's still reports to file and red tape to put up.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, Commander. It's been really cool to hang out with you. It's been real.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): My liege, Senator, witchy woman.
Julia (as Cammie): Cammie’s fine.
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Cammie, of course.
Brandon: As we walk out, Umbi turns to Troy and is like—
Brandon (as Umbi): You think it's true that if you put a thousand ivy— or a million ivies in a room with a million typewriters that— that they'll come up with the right Shakespeare, is that—do you think that's true?
Amanda (as Troy): Damn. I never even thought that many vine folk existed. I have no idea.
Brandon (as Umbi): No idea. I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): Is anyone concerned we might be starting a war?
Amanda (as Troy): I mean—
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, here's the thing, Cammie, is war, while not good for sovereign nations, very good for pirates.
Amanda (as Troy): That's very true. And also when one of the sovereign nations is your nerdy older brother, you can tell him, "Hey, be chill." But listen, if it wasn't us, it would have been those three pirates what love each other and I don't think that will be better.
Julia (as Cammie): But what if— okay.
Eric: What I love about Umbi is he's like a United States representative who now, like, lobbies for the oil company.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: So a United States representative, Eric?
Eric: Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: We also just established that you're still a senator and we just like basically robbed a ship for another country.
Brandon: From my own country.
Julia: Yeah. That's an act of war. I just want— this is Julia out of character. That's an act of war.
Eric: You don't— Umbi says things. We have not established he's not a current senator.
Brandon: Yeah, that's true.
Julia: It doesn't matter. It's still an act of war. We like fucking—
Brandon: I think Eric's correct, and also that's why they— they had privateers, so they have deniability. You know, it's like a political—
Julia: But now there's a document that says we hired these pirates as the country.
Brandon: An internal document.
Julia: Hmm. But what if that internal document gets out?
Brandon: That's not our fault.
Amanda: It happens, and I think pirates do much worse every day.
Julia: Okay. Alright. That's fine.
Eric: Wink.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. No one else is concerned about active war between the countries, that's fine. Okay, I just wanted to check in with everyone else, how we were feeling.
Amanda (as Troy): But listen, Cammie, when we get the salmon, we can just say nobody gets to war each other.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or everyone war and then they all die.
Amanda (as Troy): No— no. No, I wouldn't say that.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, is that gonna be your wish, Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Julia (as Cammie): Because I think we need to have a talk before the—
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, do we need to talk about who wishes first? Because it's just occurring to me that might be relevant.
Brandon (as Umbi): We think we only get one wish, right? I thought—
Julia (as Cammie): I think we had to play rock, paper, scissors and see what happens.
Brandon (as Umbi): I thought we had all decided that we were going to wish my wrinkles away.
Amanda (as Troy): I thought I was going to wish—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): —what cause I'm the main character. Is that not— is that not how you guys see our ship?
Brandon (as Umbi): I thought we were all gonna wish that Harold gets legs.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know what— I don't know what Harold would do with legs and I'm not comfortable with that.
Eric (as Harold): Watch out, boys. I'm coming on land.
Brandon: Listener, you can't see this, but Eric came from out of frame to go, "Watch out, boys."
Eric: Watch out, boys.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Well— okay. I have a distraction for us while we're— so we don't get too in the weeds of war, right?
Amanda (as Troy): I hate that.
Brandon (as Umbi): We got to figure out how to protect the ship from the Boiling Reefs. I think a good idea for the organics, for us, is if we get some sort of like kiddie pools or something, like build some sort of… barrels, maybe?
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, there's plenty of barrels big enough for people.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): We fill them with seawater, and I give everyone a potion of water breathing, and the water dissipates heat much more effectively than air, so we'll stay cooler.
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder if we could also like freeze it or something, so we have like an ice bath.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh, or that. Yeah, that's cool too.
Julia (as Cammie): Do I have something that does that?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know. Do you?
Amanda (as Troy): Cool, cool. I was thinking like we do our best to avoid the hot things.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, that too. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Was— no, just saying— like say I think that's better, but that was kind of my idea. It's like, try to read the map, avoid the hot stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, here's another idea. What if— what if Eric, our DM, lets me do this thing?
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where— I— you know Umbi, you know me. I have lots of powders and filaments that are—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): —heat reactive.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe I jerry-rig something up to the front of the boat, like on the maidenhead, or even further out, like on a stick or something, that like— it's like a fuse kind of thing. And so if it gets hotter, when it gets hotter, it starts to sparkle or light. And so we know that way, too hot, we gotta turn left.
Amanda: That's pretty good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or right.
Julia: Can we play a game of hot cold with that?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: That's pretty good.
Eric: Hot— too hot, too— is it hot? Is it cold?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: That's pretty good.
Eric: Interesting. As you're walking down the stairs from—
Brandon: Umbi has tripped because he's thinking too much.
Eric: As you're walking— you're walking down the stairs and having this conversation of what to do next, you hear the loud clang of a bell coming from the top— the highest parapet of this castle-style outpost.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Dinner?
Eric: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Amanda (as Troy): Does that mean food?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): We look around, do people seem excited?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Concerned?
Eric: Yeah. Some people look concerned, other people are making— are pushing past you and running up the stairs.
Amanda (as Troy): Guys, someone's about to get flung. Let's go.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, someone is about to get flung.
Julia (as Cammie): Exciting.
Amanda: It's a real auto-da-fé situation, Julia.
Julia: Alright, let's go.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. I've just returned from a very restorative weekend in the woods. So this mid-roll is brought to you by Petrichor, the smell of rain on concrete. Oh, God, it's so good. Thank you so much to everyone who every single day makes the Join the Party patron-only Discord the best place to be on the internet people. God, it's so good. For just $5 a month, you too can become a patron and get all kinds of benefits. First and foremost is membership in the best Discord, the best place on the internet, the best place I know, the Join the Party Patron Discord. If Discord us not your thing, you can also enjoy the additional bi-weekly podcast we make called Party Planning where we answer your questions, play games, and peel back the curtain on what it is like to be full-time podcasters and make Join the Party. It is so much fun and it can all be yours at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. It is never a dull week over at Multitude here where we live. We don't live here, we— we work here, but it's near where I live. Anyway, we have been very excited spending a couple of weeks of a break working on Tell Me About It, a game show about proving that the things you like are actually interesting. Hosted by our own Eric Silver and Adal Rifai from Hello from the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle. He plays an eccentric billionaire who forces guests to come on the podcast and prove that their favorite thing is interesting and cool. It's also my favorite theme song we've ever had to a Multitude podcast ever since Next Stop in 2020. Gosh, it's so fun. Through a series of wild games and challenges put together by audio Butler Eric, that's Eric's character on the show. Guests are scored based on the quality of their answers or whatever Adal is really feeling at that moment, leading to an absolutely wacky high scoreboard. We've had guests like Janet Varney, Jenna Stoeber, Jeffrey Cranor, Matt Young, Julia, me, and more. It's so, so fun. New episodes come out every other Thursday. It's Tell Me About It, y'all. The most fun podcast run by a multibillionaire. We are sponsored this week by Twenty Sided Store. This is, of course, our friendly local game store in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, right down the street conveniently from Williamsburg Cinemas. Meaning that anytime I go to see a movie, I make sure I carve out a few minutes to go stop by Twenty Sided Store. Now that movies in fact let you choose your own seats, incredible for the anxious like me. That means I can put the extra time that I would normally spend picking my seat and just being really early to a movie at Twenty Sided Store instead, it's perfect. You can also order from them online, go to twentysidedstore.com, spell out the word twentysidedstore.com, and you can use the code Pirate for 20% off your order online. Now that includes games, accessories, journals, dice, dice bags, dice towers, all kinds of incredible stuff, puzzles, crafts, anything you might want, Twenty-Sided Store has. Trust me. So go in person in Brooklyn, mention Join the Party for 20% off your order or use the code Pirate at twentysidedstore.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now I know there have been definitely times in my past where the things that I feel like I should do, the things that I know are good for me, I just can't make myself do. And that is typically a sign and a flag, and a sort of thing that I can focus on and know that perhaps I need a little extra support than I normally do. And whether it's while I'm trying to fall asleep at night, and my thoughts keep me awake, or I am trying to focus on the good, but my brain is really insistent on focusing on the bad. It's really tough. Therapy really helps me kind of figure out what's holding me back from doing the things that I know help me, instead of not doing those things, even when it's really hard. And I am so grateful that I get the chance to go to therapy with someone in person who I can afford and who I jive with. It is really hard to get into that situation. And if you can't access it for whatever reason, BetterHelp is a really good tool to have in mind. You can start therapy with BetterHelp entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. My favorite part of BetterHelp that I use several times is actually switching therapists. If you don't jive with a therapist for any reason, just with a couple of taps of a button, you can switch therapists at no additional charge. So important when finding a relationship with somebody that you feel you can trust. Make your brain your friend with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric (as Drooz): If you've ever wanted any delicious fruits or vegetables out here in the Great Salt Sea, where there's nowhere else for you to go than to the fruit fly.
Eric: And up at the top, on the highest level of this castle is a Greenfolk fly, with big, big fly eyes. You know, the big compound eyes. Fishermen— heavy fisherman sweater, black with red speckles, stained and worn corduroy trousers, no shoes, big fly wings, and a fruit stand of apples, pears, plums, pomegranates, any of the various things you wi—that you could be looking for.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah.
Julia (as Cammie): I love it.
Eric (as Drooz): Come right up, come right up. See if you— there's something that you need. You just need to get— you just need to take a bite of this delicious fruit and you'll be able to get the delicious nutrition that you're looking for.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe there's one that makes us really cold.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa. An ice fruit.
Eric: Do you want to head up there?
Amanda: For sure.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Hell yeah.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, up at this produce stand, a few of the soldiers are kind of picking up fruit, holding it, you know, testing it, smelling it very delicately, very, very, very kindly with really— a lot— with a lot of care.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, I haven't seen— it seems that we have some new people out here in the Great Salt Sea. It's very nice to meet you. I'm Drosophila Melanogaster, but you can just call me Drooz and I'm here to supply you of any sort of fruits, vegetables, and fresh produce that you sa— that you salty scallywags can find out here away from the mainland.
Julia (as Cammie): Your produce looks beautiful.
Brandon (as Umbi): It does.
Eric (as Drooz): Yeah, that's what everyone— that's what everyone says, it's the greatest in all of Verda Stello. Now, actually, I recognized the three of you. I think that I gave a free sample to one of you only a day— only a night or two ago. One of you had a problem of figuring out with the door— with the door, with a door issue.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, did we send you $5 via Venmo?
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, yeah, I get— yes, it seems like one of you were in trouble and I sent you an idea. Oh.
Eric: And he reaches out and he pulls a kiwi rind for-- that was on Troy's ear.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, it seems like you have— that's a free—that's a free sample from me. It's all you can come at the Drooz' fruits and vegetables. The fruit fly is the right guy for you to buy and you to try, and to figure out your problems.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: That's amazing.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, was like— was it like the $5 is the shipping but the sample is free? Was that the situation?
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, I see. You know when you're in an issue and you had— there's something for you to offer up, you can offer up. We take all types of exchanges and deals at my fruit stand.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, it— it really helped, man. I gotta tell you.
Eric (as Drooz): It seemed like you were— you were in a— it seemed like you were definitely in— in a— in a— you were obviously in a sticky situation.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true.
Eric (as Drooz): Well, so, are you all— you're all looking for something? Is there anything that I can help you with that you think I might be— that you think that can be solved just with a little bit of vitamin A, C, D, or B5?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, we need to keep cool out on those hot, hot waters.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, hang on, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm?
Brandon (as Umbi): Sir, do we have to Venmo you another 5 US dollars?
Eric (as Drooz): You know, like I said, there's various ways for you to pay for what you're looking for.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Excellent. Would you like an arrow used at the probably last annual Bullseye Games?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, for what, Troy? We got to order something first.
Julia (as Cammie): Fruit that makes us cold.
Amanda (as Troy): An exchange for the thing that might be useful to us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay, okay.
Eric (as Drooz): I don't— it's— you don't understand. This isn't a bartering situation. There's various currencies that you can distribute. Obviously, we're well outside doubloom territory. I take amber, but I take—
Julia (as Cammie): Yes?
Eric (as Drooz): —other things.
Julia (as Cammie): Ooh. Like my soul?
Eric (as Drooz): If you're offering— if you're offering?
Julia (as Cammie): I'm not, I'm just curious what you meant by other things.
Eric (as Drooz): If you're offering, various things.
Julia (as Cammie): Someone already owns that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you find one of us attractive? Is that what's happening?
Eric (as Drooz): One— that— that's another thing I'm not— I'm not looking for that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, good.
Amanda (as Troy): Word.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know— I thought it was me, but you know, if it's no one, that makes sense.
Eric (as Drooz): No.
Amanda (as Troy): So do you have something that could help a crew of six— four Greenfolk and two algae constructions to stay safe out on that wild, wild sea?
Eric (as Drooz): I do have some things I've— and the various way— in— in the different ways that you're trying to solve this problem, I can help you with one way or another.
Brandon (as Umbi): That'd be great.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. How about keeping our ship safe?
Eric (as Drooz): Ship— okay. Ship cold?
Brandon (as Umbi): And us.
Julia (as Cammie): Cold, keep us chill.
Eric (as Drooz): Keeping it— keeping it cold. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, let me see what's in se— what's in season here.
Julia: Always a good question.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, I think that these berries might be able to help you, keep all of your temperature down for both you and your— for both you and your ship. This— just take— all you do is pop a few, keep your— keep your temperature down and you could also smear it on the side of objects for— to keep it from bursting into flames.
Brandon (as Umbi): What are they called?
Eric (as Drooz): Blueberries. They're blue.
Brandon: They're called “fuck you, Brandon” berries.
Amanda: That's a good joke.
Eric (as Drooz): I names them as I sees them.
Julia (as Cammie): That's fair. Sometimes life's just too complicated.
Amanda: So what do we want to offer for this?
Brandon: I mean, we could try an amber.
Julia: I mean, what— what else does he want besides amber?
Eric (as Drooz): Well, if I'm gonna give you enough for— how many people? For how many—how many you're looking for?
Julia (as Cammie): Six?
Brandon (as Umbi): Six, right?
Eric (as Drooz): Six and a ship?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no, it's four plus—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, two of them are, like, on the ship.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So, yeah, like for Greenfolk plus the ship.
Julia (as Cammie): Two of them are the ship.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you guys not consider Harold a Greenfolk?
Eric (as Drooz): One of those— oh, one of those creatures who are also the ship but separate and obviously different from the ship.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. And then— and then he has like a twin brother.
Eric (as Drooz): No, you're gonna make sure that the ship— the ship itself is going to need berries of its own.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): This is like that episode of Star Trek when we have to figure out if the Android as a person or not, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): He is.
Eric (as Drooz): They— yeah. Well—
Amanda (as Troy): He certainly has desires, let me tell you that.
Eric (as Drooz): He is— yeah, he— that sounds like about— he is. Alright, well, that's gonna be six plus a ship, extra thi— extra mouths. I think that's gonna be three cartons worth, that's gonna be three— that's gonna be three amber.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. What—what other options do we have besides amber?
Eric (as Drooz): Well, a piece of your— a piece of your mind, resolve, your heart. I can take parts of those, whatever you're willing to part with, whatever you think might not be essential.
Brandon (as Umbi): How do you—
Julia (as Cammie): Would you like some trauma? You can have some of my trauma.
Eric (as Drooz): Hmm. No, I don't take damaged goods, little lady, unfortunately.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, hey.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, then, I'm— I'm fucked.
Brandon (as Umbi): How do you extract those things, sir?
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, when you're— hey, when you're a fruit picker like myself, there's a way for you to— there's a way for you to get what you need.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Eric: So here's what I'm offering, you can give me a roll— a future roll of yours.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: I can take a future roll of yours that can be either based on an interpersonal relationship, as a piece of your heart, something with an attack or— or using damage, that's gonna be for resolve. Something from your mind if you're working out a problem, and I can take that roll and bank it.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And then I'm going to flip a coin to see if I'm going to give you a 1 for that.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: A— so you get a 50/50 chance—
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: —for me to automatically take a roll in the future. I'll flip a coin and give you a 1 if it lands on tails.
Brandon: Now, guys, now, friends, my colleagues—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —we all know that I'm gonna roll a 1 anyway.
Amanda: Brandon, I'm very glad you said it and not me. I think you'll definitely do that.
Eric: I will also say, I can wait until after you've rolled. You can roll and then I can flip.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Interesting.
Amanda: I'm happy with that.
Brandon: I think that's fun.
Julia: Alright. Alright.
Amanda: Julia is— doesn't agree.
Julia: No, no, I— I think it's really interesting. Is it for each of us or is it an individual person's choice?
Eric: Each one would replace one—
Julia: Piece of amber.
Eric: —one piece of Amber.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Gotcha.
Eric (as Drooz): So you can give out various pieces. If you give me an offering of something else, we can figure that as well. But I think that if you want to— if you want to balance amber and future things, you can do that.
Amanda: Alright, here's an idea.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, yeah?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. How— do you want my ability to fly? Would that be good for you?
Eric (as Drooz): No, unfortunate— I'm— I'm very much aware of the— of your incapacities. Once again, bad— damaged goods.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, you could damage me for— you could take off some more of my wings.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): A little souvenir. Well, say, a piece as big as my hand, right? You can choose which one.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's gotta be so painful.
Eric: Drooz thinks for a moment and says—
Eric (as Drooz): Unfortunately, I do have a policy, I do have a policy of not working with the past. I only work with the future.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Well, here's my thought, y'all, like if any of my thoughts or methods would be at least somewhat effective, then we could just, like, trade one amber for enough for the boat.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You know?
Julia: Hmm. Yeah, I think that's fair.
Amanda: I'm into that.
Brandon: But I don't know how effective it would be.
Julia: Yeah. Hmm. I'm having— I'm having trouble thinking of the ways Eric could fuck us with this.
Amanda: I think this is really fun, and we should do one amber, one roll of Brandon's, one roll of mine, because we’ve both been rolling like dogshit.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: If Brandon was here, he would say that's not how statistics work, but he's not here.
Julia: But it's fine. It's fine.
Brandon: We could do an amber and a roll.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Do one for the ship, one for whoever's navigating this and steering.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: So you two, probably.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And then have everyone else—
Amanda: Could Harold, Sil and— or and Havana in a bath?
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Amanda: I like that.
Julia: Just find a shit ton of ice.
Amanda: I'm into that.
Julia: I like it. Let's— let's make that the game plan, I guess.
Eric (as Drooz): If I could just understand what you're— you're— what you're dealing with here, it seems like you're looking for ice to deal a boiling problem. I think if you were looking just for a better way to navigate your way through, I could also help you with that.
Amanda (as Troy): Would it cost less than three ambers? Because we don't got that.
Brandon (as Umbi): You like have a map or somebody, you mean? Or like a guide?
Amanda (as Troy): We can do too—
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, if you have a map, I think you might be interested in this.
Eric: And he—he reaches out and picks up a pomegranate and cracks it open, and inside is a compass.
Julia (as Cammie): Ooh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh. Now, is that just a normal compass?
Amanda (as Troy): Is that just like a really cool compass?
Eric (as Drooz): No, it's not just a really cool compass.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Drooz): Even if it was, it would— it would be really interesting. Well, now, it's more than a very cool compass. It read— this is a map— this is a map reader. It scans the map that you have and it does the navigating for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Drooz): Tells you exactly which way to go and which— and with the boiling and avoiding the boiling.
Amanda (as Troy): Is it smarter than the map? Because the map is like almost older than I am.
Eric (as Drooz): It's much smarter than the map.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. Alright.
Eric (as Drooz): Just give it a— give it a moment to scan the— give it a moment to scan the map, give it a moment to scan— scan the terrain and it will be able to figure you out where exactly where you're going in the fastest way amount.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is it just for the water or can we use this for other things in the future, too?
Eric (as Drooz): If you have a map for it to scan, it can scan anything.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's pretty dope.
Julia (as Cammie): That is kind of nice to have.
Amanda (as Troy): That's pretty good.
Eric (as Drooz): Unfortunately, this will be more expensive than what you were looking for.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey.
Eric (as Drooz): A form of supply and demand. I only have one cool compass.
Amanda (as Troy): How many people come by here every day who want to buy that compass?
Eric (as Soldier): Hey, that's a really cool compass. I want to go home to—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, shut up.
Eric (as Soldier): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): No one asked you.
Eric (as Soldier): Well, I want— I want to see my wife.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, shut up!
Eric (as Soldier): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no.
Eric (as Drooz): Well, I don't know of many people who are looking around to investigate a— suppose the lever to win, but maybe not ruined labyrinths of the gods and the godly. Oh, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So what's the asking price then if a chip of wing won't help?
Eric (as Drooz): This is— this is— this is 4.
Brandon (as Umbi): 4?
Eric (as Drooz): 4 amber.
Julia: Wait, hold on. Does this guy know that we're looking for the labyrinth?
Amanda: That's what he's saying.
Brandon: But we didn't tell him that. He's making an assumption, I think.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I mean, I guess what else is through the seas, so—
Julia: This man— this man is suspicious.
Amanda: He is.
Eric: His eyes are twitching and moving in different directions the entire time.
Julia: I don't like him. I don't want this to happen again where we're like, "We really like this NPC," and then he turns out to be evil.
Amanda: That's true.
Julia: I'm just saying off the bat, I don't like this guy.
Brandon: I think the next evil NPC we run into is going to be a good guy. That's gonna be the twist.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, the— the compass seems very interesting. What if we give something valuable to you on layaway as a deposit, make sure it works? And then when we come back after a successful trial run, if we like it, we'll pay the rest and if we don't, we'll give it back.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, like a rental fee.
Eric (as Drooz): Ooh. I've been in the merchant game long enough not to let people come to me and say that you're going to rent something and return it. I used to be in cars. I worked at Hertz.
Julia (as Cammie): You seem very magical. You can't just like, after a certain amount of time, summon it back or something like that. If we try to steal it, I mean.
Amanda (as Troy): Just a rental, short-term rental.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm on— I'm only about intake in— ingress and outgress.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, sir. One second, please, to confer with my colleagues.
Eric (as Drooz): Oh, that's okay. I gotta rearrange these bananners.
Julia (as Cammie): Huddle up!
Amanda: Great voice.
Eric (as Drooz): They're pointing in a weird direction.
Brandon (as Umbi): What— which way do you put the bana— anyway, it doesn't matter.
Eric (as Drooz): If you don't know, you're never gonna know. Instinct. Oh, this one's peeling, hold on.
Eric: You see the banana and there's the glint of a sword inside of the peel of the banana.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm. That's cool.
Brandon: That's cool.
Julia (as Cammie): I want all of his stuff but it's also expensive for parts of my soul.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright. What if we—
Julia: We huddle.
Brandon: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): We can't be the only ones on this island that have some amber, right?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): We know at least the Commander has another one. I don't want to rob them, that seems like too much effort. But maybe we make some bar bets or something around town, maybe we find some more amber.
Julia (as Cammie): How su— Troy?
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): How superstitious are soldiers from the Crags?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, everybody's got their little thing about like, you know, your handshake, or your boots, or like the way you put things on in order to make sure you come home in one piece or two but at least alive.
Julia (as Cammie): Tea leaf readings, tea leaf readings for sale! Tea leaf readings for sale. Let me tell you your future.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? I want one of those.
Julia (as Cammie): I know when you're gonna die!
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, me. A waiting list? Damn.
Julia (as Cammie): Want to know if you're gonna get flung? I've got you right here.
Eric: Alright, give— yeah, give me just a Charisma check from all of you.
Amanda: Okay. 15.
Amanda (as Troy): Kiss from the prince, kiss from the prince.
Julia: 16 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: 7.
Julia: Umbi, why is your Charisma not higher? You're literally a politician, why is your Charisma not high?
Brandon: I don't know. There's too many wrinkles, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: The wrinkles get in the way.
Amanda: Tough.
Julia: No one trusts an old man.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: It's ageism, actually.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. Okay.
Julia: Eric is mad at me that I'm pulling this con again.
Eric: No, it's fun— no, it's very funny, Julia. It's very funny. With that average, I'd say— one soldier says—
Eric (as Leaf Solider): Yeah, I'll— you can— you can tell me— I can look in the leaves and they'll tell me what it is. They'll tell me my— my what?
Julia (as Cammie): Your future.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): My future?
Julia (as Cammie): The path that you're on. What would you like to know?
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): I've— oh, well—
Eric: This Greenfolk is a leaf and he's shaking like—
Julia: Aw.
Amanda: Aw.
Eric: —a leaf— a leaf. He's like—
Julia: Cammie reaches forward and just gently holds his hand.
Julia (as Cammie): It's all gonna be okay.
Eric: Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): I— well, I— you know, I've only been out— I've only been out here in the Boiling— at the outpost to the Boiling Reef for a week and I— I don't know what's going to come of— I don't know what's going to become of me.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Here, have your cup of tea, and then I'll read the leaves, and I'll tell you what's gonna happen.
Eric: Tea is bubbling, bubbling everywhere and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): You got to drink at least some of it. Put your lips to it.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): I'm trying. I was— I'm trying, I'm trying. Okay. Okay. What does— what does it say?
Julia: Alright. I'll go and look at it.
Eric: Julia, give me an Arcana Check.
Amanda: It's a Nat 20.
Julia: Tell me everything that's gonna happen to this man. It's a Nat 20.
Eric: It's a Nat 20?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Cammie, you know what's wild? You know what's crazy? What's so crazy about this? You look in the cup, and this is the most intricate tea landscape that you've ever seen. It's of a house with a big porch, and there's a rocking chair on the porch.
Julia: Fuck you.
Eric: And there's an old woman—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —sitting in the rocking chair.
Julia: An old rutabaga woman?
Eric: And she's an old rutabaga woman and she's— it's so intricate, it seems like the woman in the chair is looking directly at you out of the cup.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): What is it— what— what is it— I'm gonna have a nice house?
Julia (as Cammie): Don't— hmm, this is gonna seem weird to you.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't ever go to Open Fields ever, ever.
Julia: Cammie grabs his face.
Julia (as Cammie): Ever. Don't go there.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): I mean, I'm fro— no, I'm from the Crags. I don't—
Julia (as Cammie): I'm just saying sometimes people take vacations. Don't go to Open Fields.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): You're not from around here, are you? That's why we put— that's why we put both socks on first, so that'd be— so that someone from Open Fields won't grab your toes and go back there with them and plant them in the ground.
Julia: Cammie turns around and just takes the teacup with her and starts muttering into it, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): I didn't even know you could do this. What are you doing? Stop it. Stop it. I wanted to tell that nice leaf man his future.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): That's pretty— I mean— so if I avoid going to Open Fields, I won't die?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, you're fine. What are you doing in here?
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): But that's— that's more hard advice that I was anticipating from the reading. Here you go.
Eric: Flick, amber.
Amanda: Troy is rubbing his back.
Amanda (as Troy): It's alright, man. There's— nothing you need is outside the Crags, man. It's alright, it's alright.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): I mean, I always put both my socks on at the same time.
Amanda (as Troy): You gotta.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): You gotta.
Amanda (as Troy): You gotta.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): And you gotta have your— that's why you fold your blankets in so they don't grab your toes.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, buddy, they don't know. They don't know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy—
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): They don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): You know.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): Yeah, I know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Leaf, go away.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy—
Eric: He— he flicks you a coin-sized amber.
Eric (as Leaf Soldier): If I know I won't die in battle, I'll just avoid Open— Open Fields. Incredible!
Brandon (as Umbi): Oops.
Amanda (as Troy): Still be careful.
Eric: Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, look at me.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): Are those things about Open Fields right?
Amanda (as Troy): I think because I believe them, they are not true.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, thank God. Because you know— you know Cammie is from Open Fields, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I— I think they know a lot more about Open Fields than, like, the old nursery rhymes that we grew up with, where you go—
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): —”Osey, wosey, tosey, bosey, get planted, grow into a posey.” And that's what we, like, kind of whisper to scare each other at basic and I don't think it is true.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank the planter, thank the planter.
Julia: You look in the corner and Cammie is standing there like The Blair Witch Project, just muttering into the teacup.
Amanda: Good.
Amanda (as Troy): Kiss from the prince. Anybody, kiss from a prince? One amber kiss from a prince, anywhere you like.
Eric: For the— no one— everyone else is just trying to have their exchange with Drooz, and everyone else is keeping a real wide berth around the produce stand. There is no through traffic coming for your thing.
Julia: Are these soldiers who are like waiting in line for the produce stand, are they very clearly like— hmm, are they clearly paying without amber or are they paying with amber?
Eric: Well, as you look over, you see that there's a soldier holding an orange, and you see Drooz touch the shoulder of this soldier and pull out a crystalline kinda like toy soldier.
Brandon: Oh, cute.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, I don't want to do that.
Eric: And puts it— and then puts it in— in the pocket of his corduroy and flaps them on the back.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't think we should do that. Now seeing it, I don't—I don't think we should do that.
Julia: Can I— sorry, real quick. Can I just do like a quick like Perception Check or Investigation Check—
Eric: Sure.
Julia: —or something? Just to see if any of these soldiers has like, you know, some loose amber jingling, jangling in their pocket?
Brandon: Is this cup not talking to you?
Julia: No, the cup is not talking to me, right?
Eric: No.
Brandon: Okay, okay.
Julia: So Cammie glances over her shoulder and doesn't roll super great. 13, 10 plus 3.
Eric: 13?
Julia: Please.
Eric: 13. If you really want to pick someone's pocket, give it a shot.
Julia: I don't— I don't want to pick someone's pocket, but someone with sleight of hand might.
Eric: But I don't think that's why they're coming to this fruit stand.
Julia: Okay. That's fine.
Eric: How much amber do you think is jingling around in the pockets of these soldiers at the outpost?
Julia: Probably not a lot, but I thought maybe someone got a bonus or something like that.
Eric: Hmm. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
Amanda (as Troy): Guys, let's go up there and offer him three, see what he says.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I'm in.
Amanda (as Troy): You say three, and we'll scram so your customers aren't scared no more.
Brandon (as Umbi): And we negotiate a little bit, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe I can offer him a potion of some kind?
Amanda (as Troy): Because like, listen, amber come, amber go. This compass seems helpful.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, for real.
Amanda (as Troy): And then if it's not, Cammie will curse him to kingdom come.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I can try.
Brandon (as Umbi): And I'll kill him.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure. Umbi, for once, go for it.
Julia: Yeah. No, no. I like it. I like it.
Amanda: Cool.
Julia: We'll— we'll do it.
Eric (as Drooz): Ooh. It seems that my new favorite customers have come on back to—
Brandon (as Umbi): We're your favorite? That's so kind. I wonder if we could get a discount, then.
Eric (as Drooz): Absolutely not.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, here we go. We'll give you—
Eric (as Drooz): I provide— I provide a way for people to pay for this without traditional means. I don't have time for discounts.
Amanda (as Troy): How about we give you three amber and one amber later, and get out of here right the heck now?
Eric (as Drooz): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Three amber and one potion of your choice?
Eric (as Drooz): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck… Look, y'all, I'm gonna die soon anyway.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, don't say that. You're going to live forever.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll give him one of my seeds. It's fine.
Eric (as Drooz): Statistically, that's untrue.
Julia (as Cammie): You? You, hush.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm gonna have to buck the odds for a while, my new best friend.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, we got three, and anything else you can see on us, that's— that's all I got for you.
Eric (as Drooz): A three and—
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, alright. As the oldest of this group, I'm putting my wrinkly foot down. If y'all are okay part— parting with the amber, you can have a seed, sir.
Eric (as Drooz): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): You got yourself a deal.
Eric (as Drooz): Alright. What part of yourself are you offer— you're offering, my illu— my illustrious— say— one of my illustrious friend.
Julia: I don't like this.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're so complimentary, I love it.
Brandon: What are the options again, Eric?
Eric: Your options are offering something that have to do with an attack, something that has to do with working out a problem, or something that has to do with interpersonal stuff, like relationships, or talking, or something.
Brandon: Eric, can I give you a little player gift?
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: From me to you.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Let's do that relationship emotion one.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Oh.
Brandon: You would savor that, buddy.
Julia: But Brandon, your relationship with Aubergine!
Amanda: What will happen to it?
Eric: Incredible.
Eric (as Drooz): Okay. Let me just— three amber and one piece, that sounds— that sounds exactly what I'm looking for.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just don't take the middle seed, that's my favorite.
Eric (as Drooz): I'll just— I'll take a piece, you won't even know the piece is missing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric: And Drooz reaches— touches Umbi's chest, and almost like reaches through, and picks something, and pulls it out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ow! Ow! Oh, my God, ow!
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, are you okay?
Eric (as Drooz): The— only the salesman is supposed to be the one with the theatrics.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi just likes to have a good goof every once in a while.
Brandon (as Umbi): I just thought that’d be funny.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Drooz): I could— I could tell that you thought that.
Julia (as Cammie): It's okay, Umbi. I know what your real pain sounds like.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: And he's holding a red crystalline, like, peach pit.
Eric (as Drooz): Like— okay. I got one, I need three more. Three amber, please.
Julia: And we hand over the three amber.
Julia (as Cammie): Can I ask you a question?
Eric (as Drooz): Hold on, I'm— I— let me— I— I'm in mid-transaction.
Julia (as Cammie): You're monologuing, I got you.
Eric (as Drooz): Hold on, I'm in the mid— no, no, I'm in mid-transaction. It's important for me to give the thing over, because my reputation is everything here.
Eric: And he gives you a pomegranate shell with the map reader compass inside.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Yay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Eric (as Drooz): Thank you for doing business. Yes. What is your question?
Julia (as Cammie): What— what— what are you going to do with Umbi's— not soul, that's not the right word for it. But the— the piece of him that you took?
Eric (as Drooz): The piece of— oh, the piece of his heart.
Julia (as Cammie): That's his heart?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, damn.
Eric (as Drooz): Part of it.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): My ticker?
Eric (as Drooz): The— the ticking part, yeah.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric (as Drooz): You know, things go for different-- You can buy and sell plenty of things.
Julia (as Cammie): I've just never met anyone who sells old men's hearts before.
Eric (as Drooz): Well, you probably haven't met a lot of people who buy and sell produce in these parts.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true.
Eric: And Cammie you look down and there's a plum with, like, a deranged face on it.
Julia: Great. Cammie, unfazed.
Eric (as Plum): Kill me.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. If I squish that, are you going to charge me?
Eric (as Drooz):: Squish what? Squish.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, he got what he wanted.
Amanda (as Troy): And I'm sure this won't come up, but if we have any, like, complaints or problems, or we go outside or—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, what’s the refund policy?
Eric (as Drooz): I'm— ooh, I'm absolutely sure this won't come up.
Julia (as Cammie): So there's no refund policy?
Amanda (as Troy): But if it did?
Eric (as Drooz): But there's no way that it would come up.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll just call my brother, the— the king of the Crags, and have you excommunicated, yeah? Banned from doing business, what you love, on any Cragish ground, right?
Eric (as Drooz): If that's what you think is best, my liege.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you. Any instructions before we head out?
Eric (as Drooz): Give it time to scan the map and scan the— and scan the sea before you get going. Oh, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know you're not, like, necessarily the expert extra, but like, do you think we still need to, like, protect ourselves, or is this going to be like flawless? I'm just asking. You don't have to know.
Julia: He's like, "Bitch, I don't know."
Eric (as Drooz): Are you asking— are you— I— I cannot say whether or not you're the kind of Greenfolk who needs to protect themselves in boiling situations.
Brandon (as Umbi): Look, man, I just lost a part of my ticker, I'm just— you know, I'm a little out of sorts.
Amanda (as Troy): Grandpa, it's gonna be okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, it's been nice to meet you. I hope you keep it that way.
Eric (as Drooz): Nice to meet you as well. Always happy to have— always happy to have the best customers in the world.
Brandon (as Umbi): Man, that's such a nice guy.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't— okay. Do you know Baba Rutabaga?
Eric (as Drooz): Know— know her?
Julia (as Cammie): Like personally?
Eric (as Drooz): I know of--
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no, so not personally? Okay.
Brandon: In the biblical sense?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we dated once or twice.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Have you fucked Baba Rutabaga?
Eric (as Drooz): Can you personally know a woman like that?
Julia: Uh-oh.
Julia (as Cammie): I was joking, sir.
Eric (as Drooz): As was I.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, let's get going.
Amanda (as Troy): Away we go.
Brandon (as Umbi): Before I turn another year older, you know? [coughs]
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-oh.
Eric: Oh, God. Hell yeah. Alright.
Amanda: Good job, babe.
Eric: You have a wonderful working compass.
Brandon: Beautiful.
Julia: Great.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, I think we're gonna set it up, put a— match 'em, made 'em, make sure they get— have time to hang out, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Amanda: Let's get back to the Sea Whip, make sure we have all our food and supplies, and some potable water. I think that's a great idea.
Brandon: Yeah, I mean, I think— I think it's still smart to give ourselves some sort of, like, kiddie pools out of barrels.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: So, like, fill a couple barrels of seawater—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —of the coldest temperature you can find.
Julia: Did— yeah. Do they have like ice around here?
Eric: Oh, sure. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah?
Eric: Yeah, you can put, like, ice pops—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —and like dunk in the sea.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. I want to like fill it with ice, like it's a cooler—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —that I'm taking to the beach and then—
Eric: Sure.
Julia: —fill it with some saltwater and then—
Eric: Yeah, yeah. That sounds fun.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I'll make a couple potions of water breathing. We don't need— I don't think we need to use anything else— we need to use it—
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: —you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Like jump in there, but yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, that's good. Good thinking.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, y'all want to head out?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Incredible. You guys hustle down to the Sea Whip, everyone to sea battle stations and you lay out the map, the map that Commander Vineyard gave you, and you put the pomegranate down with the compass inside. And the compass then sprouts two legs and two arms, and kind of dances around and looks over— and looks at one corner of the map.
Brandon: Dat, dat, darat, da.
Eric: Dat, dada, darat, da. Looks over at another corner of the map. Dat, dada, dada, dat. Really— really looks at it, and gets over—
Brandon: What a jaunty compass.
Eric: And then looks over on the side, and gets over on the side of the ship, and goes—
Eric (as Compass): Dat, dada, da doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Brandon: This compass is my new best friend in real life.
Eric: And points that way.
Julia (as Cammie): Woah.
Amanda (as Troy): I love him.
Julia (as Cammie): He did it. Troy, do you want me to watch it and then like tell you where to go? Because like—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): —it is still not— it's no— it's not nighttime, it's daytime, and I know that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. If I watch him, I will get so distracted.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Compass): Dat, darat, da, data, data, do, do, do, do, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.
Brandon (as Umbi): We gotta get that compass a top hat.
Eric (as Compass): That way. Tequila!
Amanda: So yeah, I'll— I think I'm just gonna warn Havana that, you know, there may be some scalding and so— you know, to get ready and— and be on hand in case anything happens and tell Harold and Sil that they should retreat maybe to being on deck and not on the sides of the ship, so they don't get scalded.
Julia (as Cammie): Smart.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, definitely.
Amanda (as Troy): Come— come hang out on the mast, boys.
Eric (as Havana): I'm gonna—
Eric: Havana says—
Eric (as Havana): I'm gonna stay down here.
Eric: We— because it's still a full piece of his orange body looks like detached from flying off the ship before.
Julia (as Cammie): Aw. You doing okay, buddy?
Eric (as Havana): It's— it's slowly stitching back together.
Eric: With like magic— with Cammie's magical stitches.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): If you start to feel too sweaty, get an Umbi's big cold bath.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): We don't have to call it Umbi's big old bath.
Julia (as Cammie): I think that it is.
Amanda (as Troy): I was just sharing credit where credit is due.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Wanna say Troy and Umbi's big cold bath?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that's a little bit better.
Julia (singing): Troy and Umbi's cold bath.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or is that worse? I don't know.
Eric (as Havana): No, I— I have already— you could set me up with a ba— you could set me up with a bath that— you could set me up with Umbi's big cold bath down here.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's like a magical spell.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Umbi's big cold bath.
Julia: Yeah, Umbi's big cold bath.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: It's a ride in Disney World.
Eric (as Compass): Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, that way.
Julia (as Cammie): Let's go!
Amanda (as Troy): I love the—
Eric (as Compass): Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, that way.
Julia (as Cammie): 300-degree port.
Eric: And yes, sitting— just dancing around on this map as Troy, and Harold, and Sil wa— watch the compass, the compass then like—
Eric (as Compass): Oh, that way.
Eric: And then [explosion] as you immediately just dodge out of the way of another hot boiling geyser, as you navigate your way through the Boiling Reef.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: With ups and downs, and slides, and oopsies, and turnabouts, and U-turns.
Julia: Every time there's a fast, rapid area, Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Wee!
Eric: It goes— it's in 3-4 time, it's like a mambo when it's a rapid area.
Amanda: Good.
Brandon: Is his name Michigan J. Compass?
Eric: Yes. Brandon, that was exactly what I meant. You're absolutely right.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: With the help of the compass, you will navigate deftly through the Boiling Reef even though everyone sweats through their clothes.
Julia (as Cammie): That's fair.
Brandon (as Umbi): Worth it.
Julia (as Cammie): It's gross.
Brandon (as Umbi): We're pirates, we always smell bad. It's fine.
Brandon: Umbi says, looking around the boat.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Right, guys? Right, guys?
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): My— my flowers smell great.
Eric (as Havana): I'm— I'm floating in a tub.
Julia (as Cammie): Nice.
Amanda (as Troy): It's nice, right? It's like you're in a little boat on the boat.
Eric (as Havana): I don't want double boat!
Amanda (as Troy): We're almost there, I think.
Amanda: And can Troy look out over the horizon? He's been focusing mainly on following Cammie's instructions, but as they hopefully start to approach something, or maybe starting to get fractionally colder, can he look around? Do we see anything on the horizon?
Eric: Yeah. On the horizon, you— because of the way that you're winding your way through in almost like— almost random ways, you take a left and then a hard right, and when you wiggle your way through, but of course, you get queued every time you get close, it goes— [explosion] and you see underneath in the water, there's like— the literal sea is boiling and, like, just below the water is like real weird-looking coral with like— that almost like reaching out— trying to reach out of the water and grab towards the ship. But the compass continues to dance and jive, and pointing you in the right direction.
Julia: Can I do like a Perception or an Investigation Check— maybe Perception?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I want to see if anyone's following us.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: It's a 13 plus 3 for a 16.
Eric: 16. No, you're set. You're vibing. You're having a good time. It's hot, but tropical. And eventually, as the sun begins to set, you are seeing something on the horizon, a little, green dot that is slowly coming into focus.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, guys, can I do it this time? Can I do it? Can I do it this time?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, Umbi. You got this.
Julia (as Cammie): Go for it, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Land ho!
Amanda (as Troy): That was a great one.
Eric (as Compass): That way. [explosion]
Julia (as Cammie): Wee!
Eric: And of course, you can make a straight line towards it, so it we'll take you into the next day to make it— towards the Divine Labyrinth.
Amanda: I think we'll sail through the night.
Eric: Doo, doo, ba dap, doo. It's hard to sleep when the— when the clock is going “Doo, doo, ba dap, doo, doo, doo, doo.”
Julia: Cammie just— has learned all of his songs and was like— also going like duetting, “Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo.”
Eric: Hey, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey?
Eric: Give me a Constitution Check.
Julia: Rude of you, actually. I get plus 2 to Constitution and I rolled a 12—
Eric: Cool.
Julia: —so it's plus 2 is 14.
Amanda: Nice.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Perfectly respectable.
Julia: Like a perfectly respectable number is what I—
Amanda: It's 14.
Julia: —think is happening as you roll more dice.
Eric: For sure.
Amanda: Like damn, you're divisible by 7.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Like perfectly respectable.
Eric: Cammie, you are taking your shift to sleep, and you are woken up as Nonny lands hard on your chest.
Julia (as Cammie): Baby!
Eric: And she's holding something.
Julia (as Cammie): Whatcha got there, sweetheart?
Eric: She is holding the weird reading glasses.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. Oh.
Eric: Make a Dexterity Saving throw.
Julia: Uh-oh. [dice roll] Not very good. 9 minus 1 for an 8.
Eric: That's okay. I rolled a Nat 20.
Julia: Oh okay cool.
Eric: As she smooshes them onto your face.
Julia (as Cammie): Nonny!
Eric: And there's a book opened to your right, and you feel— it's like in a dream when you're falling and then something— make a Dexterity Check for me.
Julia: Stop making me roll Dexterity Checks. [dice roll] 12 minus 1 for an 11.
Eric: Okay. And you reach out, and you're falling, and you grab something. And it's a door. And you're holding— you're dangling above nothing. Infinite darkness below you, and you're holding on to the knob of a faded green door.
Julia (as Cammie): Ummmmmm?
Julia: Cammie is going to dunk herself inside the door.
Eric: Oh, you can— don't— no, you can just do it.
Julia: Okay. I'll do it.
Eric: You dunk yourself inside the door, yeah. And you look down, dangling, and you're wearing your Air Jor— your Corsair Jorbans. Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. I don't— I don't know what book this is, but I guess I'll just— I'll see, I guess? I can't— I'm pretty sure I can't die in the books, so— alright.
Eric: Pull yourself in through the door.
Julia: I dunk myself.
Eric: You dunk yourself in through the door, and you stumble out onto a porch, a big porch with a big house in the middle of the woods. And to your right, on a big rocking chair, holding a big cup of tea is Baba Rutabaga who says—
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): It is so hard to get in touch with you, young one.
Julia (as Cammie): You're— you're the high witch or whatever, that doesn't seem like it's a my problem thing. It seems like it's a you problem thing.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Oh, oh, oh. I'm just this little girl who goes walking around, trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I'm getting into other people's business and bother. But I don't decide to put on the cool glasses and read a book. No.
Julia (as Cammie): I didn't even know this book was here. Are these your glasses?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): It's any book.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. Oh. I've read a couple of books with the glasses on. Also, you didn't answer my question, are these your glasses?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I know for a fact that you haven't, and no, they are not my glasses.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. To— to be fair, it was not a book. It was a newspaper article.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Not the same, it's not a book.
Julia (as Cammie): But that's still reading!
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): It's not a book.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Because if I knew— if you were supposedly, you were the Greenfolk little precocious child, who I thought you were, you would have checked in at— you would have checked in at some point.
Julia (as Cammie): With—
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): So that I could actually help you out for once.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, the last time we chatted was in Open Fields and I was-- run out of town is a good word for it. And then I got kidnapped by a pirate, and then I became a pirate, and then my— my life priorities kind of seemed to change at that point, now that I think about it.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Yeah, we've all had a— we've all had interesting lives, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. So, how are you?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I'm— I'm not good.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Listen, ordinarily, I wouldn't get into— I— ordinarily, I wouldn't get involved in the lives of whatever— inter— obviously, incredibly interesting lives of those who get to take my whole thing of— you know, around all the places when they bother me when I'm out here on the porch, but—
Julia (as Cammie): I was gonna say take is an interesting word. I don't think I took anything from you.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Yeah. But listen, if you are getting close to the Divine Labyrinth—
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): —I would suggest that you proceed with extreme caution as a— as a— I know that the pirates fancy calling you magician, but we know going in as a witch to something that has the adjective of divine attached to it might not be for— might not be your best idea. You'll stick out like a hibiscus horse in an Earl Greyhound race.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): They know.
Julia (as Cammie): I—
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): They always know. They can sense it.
Julia (as Cammie): Who's they? Wait, what's up?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): They can smell it. They'll know you're—
Julia (as Cammie): I—
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): —more rotten than a cabbage order two weeks past delivery date.
Julia (as Cammie): I— I'm very confused. Who's they?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): What about divine do you not understand is of they?
Julia (as Cammie): Like, are we speaking about the planter? Like, what— I— I simply— I don't know. I met— I met a god, he sucked.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Well, you're obviously not that much different than the girl who was wandering around in the Open Fields. Alright. I said what I had to say.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, it's not like I had much guidance.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): It's not like I was offering it.
Julia (as Cammie): So why— why contact me now?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Well, when you walk around with a part of me into the magical equivalent of a warzone minefield, I think it is part in my interest to tell you not to, if only for my own interest as it correlates and intertwines with your own.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, ma'am, to— you know, much respect, no disrespect intended.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I can tell— you know, that's exactly what people say when they say something respectful. I'm so— I'm ready for it.
Julia (as Cammie): You did put this inside me. Again, I did not take, and that was an interesting phrase you used before, that I took it from you. So if you want me to, hmm, not die, or not somehow divinely injure you in some way by getting the part of you that's inside me divinely injured, a little help would be nice.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I'll see what I can cook up. Now, get off my porch.
Julia (as Cammie): You invite— you literally forced me here. Alright. Goodbye.
Julia: Cammie takes the glasses off. Cammie— Cammie turns, rolls over in bed, looks at Nonny, and said—
Julia (as Cammie): That was very rude.
Eric (as Nonny): [purrs]
Julia (as Cammie): You know I love you anyway, but like, you can just ask next time. I wouldn't have questioned it.
Eric: And— and Nonny just kind of flops over on her side.
Julia: I give belly scritches.
Julia (as Cammie): You're still my baby.
Eric (as Nonny): [purrs]
Julia (as Cammie): I know.
Eric (as Nonny): [purrs]
Julia (as Cammie): She's so mean.
Eric: As the sun creeps above the waterline, reminding you that it could only get hotter from here, you see that this green mass has come ever closer. As you've doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-ed your way through the Boiling Reef. As you get closer, you see that there is a broken stone dock there for you to pull up to.
Amanda: Which Troy does, very carefully.
Eric: And you look up, there's stone stairs leading upwards with algae, and carbuncles, and barnacles growing all around it. And you see that it leads up to a wide arch, with intricately carved leaves and flowers like into the stone of the arch, framing this archway. But you— the thing that stands out to you is a phrase that has been etched into this arch. "What Greenfolk suppose is right or left, may be left for what is right." But of course, why are you paying attention to some dumb words by some old people? Because sprawling in front of you is the goddamn largest hedge maze you've ever seen in your entire life.
Brandon: Woo!
Amanda: Yay!
[theme]