2: Wedding Party II

The wedding continues and no one has died…yet. Can they keep Alonzo and Greg safe for the entire wedding? Will it be happy ever after after all? Tracey looks for bread. Johnny goes to the bar. Inara gives everyone a hand.

The party continues on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr @JointhePartyPod! On our Patreon page (patreon.com/jointhepartypod), you can unlock exclusive bonus content like cut scenes, bloopers, character backstories, player blog posts, Dungeons & Dragons game tips, and so much more. Have stories or questions for the next Afterparty? Email hello@jointhepartypod.com or visit http://jointhepartypod.com/contact.

Join the Party is produced by Eric Silver, Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, and Michael Fische. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt, and to Zach Valenti for voicing the priest.


Transcript

Eric: Ahoy! And welcome to episode two of Join the Party. Now, if you haven’t listened to our show before, be sure to go back to Episode One, or you’re going to be confused about, like, everything that’s going on here. If you’re looking for the second episode of the Beginners track, head over to the episode titled, “Beginners Continue Here.” Don’t worry –- we got you.

Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.

E: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A warlock...

Michael as JOHNNY: It’s not my fault you got caaught.

E: ...a rogue...

A as INARA: I also have to pull up my pants every couple minutes.

E: ...and a robot...

Brandon as Tracey: Tracey always feels great.

E: ...were thrown in jail and hired to protect a high-powered man on his wedding day. It’s like Suicide Squad, but, you know, not terrible. Can they keep the groom safe before someone or something hurts him? Let’s get the party started.

[Upbeat music]

E: For listeners at home, an owlbear is exactly what it sounds like. It is the body of a bear and the face of an owl. And it is being lead in by two kind of handlers who are also wearing the Fidapolis crest on them. And everyone is shuttered and startled for a second, and then everyone starts to clap. Everyone’s like, “AWWWW AHHHH AWWW!!!” like they recognized the owlbear almost, and Maximilian stands up and says,

E as MAXIMILLIAN: It wouldn’t be a party without Nessie!

E: And everyone is like cheering and drinking and cheersing to this thing, and this owlbear is just screeching and cawing, but it is trained, or at least, like, being lead forward by these trainers who have a very strong rope leash on it. And they lead it over in front of the dais, and they bring it over to that platform, and it kind of like, they kind of like signal to it, in a kind of like arcane sort of hand signals. And it just kinda sits. Why don’t you guys make some... make some nature...

[Crosstalk]

A: Huh! Nat-motherfreaking-twenty.

B: That’s our third nat-twenty. I think our dice are broken.

E: Goddamn!

M: That’s a fifteen.

E: All right, that was gonna be a nature check.

M: Fifteen.

E: And Tracey, you’re inside, you can’t.

A: Uh, 22 in that case.

E: This is a self-aware owlbear. It is very aware of itself. Owlbears are –- they can be trained. Like, they have been ridden in rodeos, they are –- they have been known to be pets of people who spend enough time trying to handle them. So it is an aware thing, but it has been domesticated as much as you can of an owlbear. ‘Cause as people know, owlbears get extremely aggressive and can turn on people whenever, even with all the training in the world.

M: And its entire body is covered in feathers. It has the body of a bear but it’s all covered in feathers?

E: It’s like, it has hair, and it’s like fur and feathers. Like, it’s very much an amalgam of the two. It’s like the size of a bear and has a big owl face, too. And then the party just kinda like starts up again, and... um... a priest, kind of, of the religion they have there kinda stands up in front of everyone and says...

Zach Valenti as PRIESB as Tracey: [With Princess Bride-style lisp] Before the wedding party continues, I would like to bless the union between the Kikos and the Necktarias, in the name of Adamah who watches over all our living moments. Our triumphs and our tragedies. Our mundanities and our celebrations. In the name of Adamah, who cherishes the living – may you care for each other. As we marvel at the love between Alonso and Greg, and the bond they are forming to each other, we watch two cities come together as well. For the first time in a millennium, borders will mean so much less in the Concentric States than ever before. Love, it seems, will hold us closer than we have ever imagined. In both Fidapolis and Chronopolis, the sounds of joy will echo through the streets and beyond.

E: A bunch of guards open up all of the floor-to-ceiling windows that lead out to the balconies, and the wind rolls in, and everyone is silent for a second, and just kinda like, is dealing with like the majesty of outside in this late spring day. And you realize that it was cloudy before, and the clouds kind of like move off, and there’s just shimmering stars everywhere. And everyone gasps a little bit, and like, they feel blessed in the power. Uh, it’s like, who knows why, but it’s like they feel the power of the Gods in front of them. And everyone just feels very, like, at peace. And everyone starts really getting into the party. And, uh, it just starts getting going and it’s a really good time. Johnny, Inara, do you want to do anything? ‘Cause I want to go over to our robot friend if we can.

M: The eternal question for Johnny: with the windows opening and the wind blowing, has that affected the light in the room?

ALL: [Laugh]

E: Well, yeah. So, all your torches have stayed. It is now fully night, though, and everything is very well lit.

M: Well lit... any of the section of the area, the Grand Hall, that has shadows or is particularly dark?

E: Yeah, I mean, now that there is a big owlbear it is definitely casting a shadow kind of into the corner.

M: So, I pull out my book of light and I tell Max...

M as JOHNNY: Max, I love Nessie, you know I do. I have a gift, for not only Nessie, but for everyone here.

M: And I do the incantations and I, in my hand, throw some phosphorus in the air and the four glowing orbs appear and combine to become a form of Nessie, of an owlbear, a small owlbear, and sits next to Nessie, illuminating the area around Nessie and just sits there, hanging out.

B: Tracey’s wonder sensors just light up.

(laughs)

A: Uh, can we name this tiny owlbear Nessita?

M: Done.

E: Boom. Great. Uh, and everyone, yeah...

M: That’s my action.

E: All the people who saw it just like clap a little bit, and Nessie paws at the light a little bit, but is okay. It definitely likes it, and likes the fact that it’s lit up. Um, Huey, Dewey and Louie notice what you just did, and they say, uh...

E as TRIPLETS: Hey, Sylvanus, where did you learn all that magic, and where’s that book? Where'd you get that book? You’ve always been kind of a... you’ve been a real anti-magic sort of guy.

M as JOHNNY: You know, I was. I’ve only learned a few magic tricks, nothing crazy. But just enough to... you know, delight and give wonderment.

M: And I will roll for deception.

E: Yeah, you better. [Laughs] Gregina says...

E as GREGINA: Uh, Sylvanus, I thought... I thought your name was Johnny?

M as JOHNNY: Gregina, it’s just a nickname, it’s just a nickname...

M: But don’t worry about it because I rolled a Nat 20 on my decpetion.

ALL: [Laugh]

E: No! I do not believe you!

M: It really did just happen!

A: It really did – it’s right there!

B: I really did just see it.

A: It’s there!

E: All right, and she says...

E as GREGINA: Okay... I... can I call you Johnny?

M as JOHNNY: I...

E as GREGINA: I feel like we’ve gotten real close here.

M as JOHNNY: Gregina, it would be an honor...

A: Oooh.

M as JOHNNY: ...if you would call me Johnny.

A: So, seeing that the, uh, intercation did not go super south here with our Johnny B. Goodthought, Inara is going to go back into the kitchen to refresh her tray and check on Tracey because he seems to be getting along uncommonly well in this social setting.

E: Sure. All right, Tracey, you are stuck to this, uh, grumbly halfing. How ya doing?

B as Tracey: I’m doing great!

ALL: [Laugh]

B as Tracey: Tracey’s always great!

E: All right, Fabius just keeps asking you to grab things. And I want you to make a dexterity roll.

B: Fifteen.

E: Okay. You are... you’re doing a really good job just kinda blindly grabbing up there and grabbing what Fabius needs. He just kinda like, is working and cooking, and you’re waiting around for this stuff, and he’s just kinda like commanding you...

E as FABIUS: Get the carrots!

E: ...and like the carrots are up there, and like...

E as FABIUS: Get the mice!

E: ...and you grab the mice over there, and...

E as FABIUS: Get the seitan!

E: ...and, uh...

B: Tracey’s into it.

E: You’re just having a good time?

B: The carrots aren’t his favorite thing, but he... the, uh, need to please and impress the head chef has over... uh... overshot his need not to kill vegetables.

E: Nice. Um, and now Fabius says...

E as FABIUS: Bread.

E: And, um, just stares at you and says...

E as FABIUS: Bead.

B: Uh, I look around the self space and I find a pack of Wonderbread and hand it to him.

E: Um, and he says...

E as FABIUS: No, get the... the.. [sighs]

E: And he puts his head into his hands and says...

E as FABIUS: Blackbread. Go look for the blackbread.

E: And he kinda just points up in a far shelf that you can’t really reach just from like grabbing up there.

B: Uh, so I’m going to, uh, walk over to the shelf and I’m going to grab one of my fellow linecooks along the way and say...

B as Tracey: Hi! We’re friends now.

B: And grab him by the arm.

ALL: [Laugh]

M: Ohhh, noo...

E: And he says...

E as LINE COOK: Uh, wha – no. What? Ugh!

B: And I walk over to the shelf and I’m going to, without his permission, just climb onto his back.

E: Uh... (exhales) How much do you weigh?

ALL: [Laugh]

B: Two-hundred and seventy-something pounds.

ALL: [:augh]

E: Okay. Sooo... without letting him know, you kinda scramble up on his back. And here’s how I’m going to do this. He can only hold you... I’m going to keep rolling every ten seconds, and he can hold you ten seconds at a time. Right now he can hold you, and he’s like...

E as LINE COOK: WHAT?! Uhhh, ohhh...

E: And he’s just... trying to like hold you up there.

B: Okay, so, uh, quickly I rolled a perception check of fifteen and I’m looking around the shelf and I’m going...

B as Tracey: [Whispers] Blackbread? Blackbread? Blackbread?

B: Like, whispering, asking the blackbread to come to me.

E: Sure. Uh, you don’t see it in the front, so you kinda stick your hand all the way in there. And as you put your hand through, you feel a sharp pain. It’s like something, a very small spear, just kinda like stabbed you in the hand.

A: Oh, god.

E: And you feel another one and another one. And you just took four damage. And as you pull your hand back, you see on it, three small froggy animals. These humanoid frogs are just stuck to your hand and they’re hissing at you. And they’re holding these tiny little spears that are tipped with something, and at that moment the line cook that you have, who is holding you, is starting to buckle.

B: And I say...

B as Tracey: AH! NEW FRIEND! LET ME DOWN!

ALL: [Laugh]

E: And he collapses, and as that happens the three frogs jump back into the shelf. And you’re now on top of this line cook.

B: How do I feel?

E: You feel... I mean, you feel pretty good. Um, you definitely see like whatever they tipped that spear with. It’s kinda like on your hand, but like, you don’t feel anything ‘cause you’re a robot. And why don’t you make a perception check.

B: Uh... that’s a seven.

E: Yeah, you don’t know where they went. They just kinda like hopped away.

B: Okay, uh... Tracey’s gonna like, kinda like rub his hand a little bit and hopefully it’ll get better, but he puts his arm on his new friend’s shoulder and says...

B as Tracey: Friend? What’s your name?

E as LINE COOK: Uhhhh... Jack.

B as Tracey: Uh, Jack? Thank you.

B: And he walks back over to the head chef, Fabius something...

E: And Fabius says...

E as FABIUS: Blackbread.

E: And he holds out his hand without looking at you.

B as Tracey: Uhhhhhh...

B: And then I run back over to Jack.

E: And he says...

E as LINE COOK JACK: Wha...

E: And he’s still on the ground. Like, it has not been... He’s just picking himself up and he’s like...

E as LINE COOK JACK: What?!

B as Tracey: I need blackbread. Also what are those frog things?

E as LINE COOK JACK: What frog things?

B as Tracey: There’s some frog things on top of the shelf. Is that for a dish?

E as LINE COOK JACK: I don’t... Talk to the che... I... Do I look...

B as Tracey: BLACKBREAD.

E as LINE COOK JACK: I... I don’t... It’s right there! It was right in front of you!

E: And there’s black bread, just like kind of in a high shelf right there.

A: Uh, so Inara at this point has gone into the kitchen to refill her drink tray and sees this commotion happening, uh, with the robit and Jack. Um, and I actually have dark vision, my character, so Inara walks over to Tracey and says...

A as INARA: Uhhh... Buddy, how ya doing?

B as Tracey: [Desperately] BLACKBREAD.

A as INARA: Uh... Do you... do you need it, or...

B as Tracey: I NEED THE BLACKBREAD.

A as INARA: Uh... Okay, where is this blackbread?

B as Tracey: I dunno... I think it’s on the shelf up there.

A as INARA: Uh... What... can I just get on to your shoulders real quick? And I’ll just peer up there real quick and see what I can find, ‘cause it seems like you’re making a big commotion right here. There’s a guy on the ground. Not really sure what’s happening there.

B: And a look of realization comes over Tracey’s face and he’s like...

B as Tracey: Ohhhhhh.... I should’ve done thaaaattt....

A as INARA: Yeaahhh.... Okay.

B: And then I, uh, I very deftly just throw Inara up on my shoulders without even a little bit of ease, or --

E: Why don’t you [Brandon] make a strength check and you [Amanda] make a dex check?

A: Eighteen.

E: Okay.

B: Uh, I rolled a nineteen.

E: Sure. Great. Inara, you hop on Tracey’s shoulders and...

B: I also say...

B as Tracey: Uh, Inara, there’s... watch out for the frogs. They’re not... They’re very pointy.

A as INARA: [Placatingly] Okay, buddy. Whatever you say.

E: And you looking in the same shelf that he was in?

A: I’m not gonna like stick my hand in there, but yes, I’d like to look in. How many shelves are there, like in my reach?

E: There are... there’s one to your left and one to your right, and Tracey, uh, went in the one on your right. You can only reach...

A: I guess I wouldn’t know that ‘cause I just walked into the kitchen.

E: Yeah, but he kinda like lifted you up.

A: Okay. I’m just gonna look into both shelves and, again, dark vision, so I’ll be able to see the shelf.

E: You are kinda looking around. Why don’t you make a... why you don’t make an investigation check? ‘Cause you’re looking for something.

A: Fourteen.

E: Sure. I mean, you definitely see some... there’s like a little bit of movement back there in some deep shadow. But as you move stuff around, then it stops. So you kinda feel like something was back there, but you don’t really know.

A: Any black bread?

E: Yeah, there’s black bread in the left shelf.

A: [Laughs] Oh, great! So, I’m gonna grab two loaves and pass them down to Tracey.

E: Sure.

B as Tracey: Thanks!

B: And I take the two loaves.

A: All right, so I’ll hop down from your shoulders then.

E: Nice.

B: Uh, and I, uh, I look at Inara and I give her the ring finger and thumb ‘okay’ symbol again.

A: And she goes to make a thumbs up and then stops. And then just nods and says...

A as INARA: Thanks, bud.

B: [Laughs]

B: Uh, I walk back over to the head chef and I say...

B as Tracey: Blackbread!

E: And he grabs the black bread, then he kind of stops for a second as he's grabbing the black bread and he says,

E as FABIUS: Where did you find this?

B: On the shelf over there.

E as FABIUS: Which one?

B: The shelf, the one on the right.

E: Make it insight check.

B: Uh, eighteen.

E: Yeah, he looks freaked out when you give him the black bread, as you are pointing to the shelf, but he's really trying to hide it from you. And he says,

E as FABIUS: Okay, why don't...

E: And he kind of, like, furrows his brow for a second. He says,

E as FABIUS: Why don’t you go over to Charlene and let her give you something else to do. I'm fine here.

B as Tracey: Do you need help with the frog legs?

Ea s FABIUS: [Stenly] Why don't you go over to Charlene and ask her for something else to do.

B as Tracey: But I can help with the frog legs appatizer.

E: And he walks away.

A: From his station?

E: Yeah, he walks away from his station into the Great Hall, which is startling! And Charlene sees what's happening and says,

E as SOUS CHEF CHARLENE: Chef, chef, what are you, chef!

E: And runs out, she runs after him.

B: So as the chef walks away and Charlene runs after him, my eyes kind of get brighter. And I'm doing some mental calculations, and I'm putting everything together in my head, and my detective skills that I have long forgotten seem to come back to me. I seem to realize that there might be a connection between the frog legs appetizer and the chef.

E: After Charlene runs out into the main hall, all the line cooks are very confused and just like are not sure what's happening, and then they all kind of get like a sense of realization on their faces and they all go, “Oh noooo!” and they run out after, and they run out after them.

A: Oh no.

B: Tracey looks at inara and says,

B as Tracey: Should we...?

A: And Inara shrugs and says,

A as INARA: I guess we'll go where the crowd goes.

A: So she downs another glass of the delicious blue stuff, gives one to Tracey, and says,

A as INARA: Come on this way.

A: And they walk out into the Hall.

B: Tracey grabs any vegetables that haven’t been chopped yet, tucks them into his chef coat, and is like,

B as Tracey: I got you guys.

A: Awww.

E: Why don’t both you guys make con saves for me.

[Upbeat music]

E: Hey, this is Eric. Like at any party, sometimes you need to duck into the kitchen for a little while to get some space. And there’s always some else hanging out who you don’t really know, but you feel kinship just because they’re hanging out around the fridge? This is it. Take one of my beers. For sure. It’s a sour.

Again, I want to tell you about the Patreon. We love doing this and we want to keep doing it long, long into the future. But we need some support. Hop over to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and throw us a few dollars.

Now, if you have the ability to do so, think about Tier 3 and 4. VIP, CEO, BMOC (big monster on campus). At $10 per episode you are a Party Animal. Along with everything we talked about before, you get NPC backstories. I’m writing small vignettes about characters I want to show you more of, NPCs who pop up and have long, rich lives before they interact with our heroes. So I’m writing that out for all of you. It’s kind of like our own beginning fan fic trove, like a sourdough starter. You also can get to the front of the line of the NPC lottery, meaning I will use your name as soon as possible as a character in this whole rich tapestry. AND you get everything we mentioned before: bloopers, my notes, maps, and the weekly blog posts.

At $20 an episode, you are a party legend, STEVE! I’m just going to call you all Steve. He sounds like the kind of guy who’s a party legend. STEVE, you’re killing it! You’re a legend! With everything from before, you get episodes before anyone else. Anyone. Not even me. Brando will send you the episode on the low, and, as long as you don’t blow us up on the internet, you can feel very, very special. We’re also gonna all conspire together to give you a personalized reward, something just for you. Maybe you want an outgoing voicemail message from TR8C, or a specialized character sheet for your very own game, or handcrafted mixtape from all of us on whatever theme you’d like. Whatever you want, within some bounds of taste and reality, we will do. You’re a legend, so live like one!

One more time: patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Ba da ba ba doo wop, this podcast is dope.

And remember, stay for the Afterparty! After every episode we’re gonna sit down and discuss what just happened, learn what could have happened, and answer your questions about the game. You can hit us up in like ten different ways. There’s our Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @JointhePartyPod, you can hit us up on our website at jointhepartypod.com, or e-mail us at hello@jointhepartypod.com. Any questions you want to discuss with us in the Afterparty, any ways you just want to say hi or tell us we’re doing a great job, just hit us up. That’s @JointhePartyPod on all the social medias.

Finally, this is the part of the show where we shout out a family member of ours to get them to listen to our podcast. So this one is going to Michael’s brother Johnny.

Johnny. I know the last time I played D&D with you, I used a pre-rolled drow warlock with a -3 strength. I named him Video James and he had a voice like Mickey Mouse wagered his soul in a card game and lost. [In a horribly annoying voice] “HI, I’M VIDEO JAAAAMES.” Oh no. So, Jonny, I do not apologize for Video James. But you know what kind of insanity can come out of my brain. So please, listen to the podcast. Michael is a twitchy magic user and it’s very great. Also, tell your parents I say hi. They know me, and they like me a lot.

All right, let’s get back to the party.

[Upbeat music]

B: Twenty.

E: Yeah, Tracey, you also get to reroll something if you feel like it [because of the drink]. As everyone starts filing out you see, you also see that -- you're paying attention the kitchen, right, Johnny B?

M: Always paying attention, everywhere.

E: So you see everyone filing out, and it’s definitely a little suspicious. But then you hear the band play up, getting ready to do their whole wedding thing. And one of the bards steps up to like a fantasy microphone and says:

E as WEDDING MC: [Tinny microphone effect as fast-paced jazz music starts up] Allll right, it’s the moment you have all been waiting for! Get your hands together, for the first time, it’s Alonzo Kiko and Greg Necteria!

E: And these two beautiful men, arm-in-arm, come bounding in to the hall. And they have the biggest smiles on their faces. They actually look similar but they have different coloring. Alonzo has the dark features of his brother, but they're put together in such a way that the sloped nose that Max has, it just like accentuates the rest of his face. And Greg is just a beautiful blonde man, like in a classic beauty sort of way. Everyone is like fawning all over them, and happy to see them together. They go over to their seats at the thrones and they're like waving and smiling to everybody, and everyone is applauding and cheering as loud as possibly can. And it’s like the party has started.

E: You also notice that Greg is wearing a small crown. It’s not really a tiara, but it's like not a full-blown crown. Alonzo is wearing this extremely big necklace. It's a circle and you see the sun in the middle, and then like on the side you see a crescent moon is pressed into it. This necklace is kind of old, and it seems like an heirloom. It also matches like all of the decor of the Kikos, and it's kind of like jangling against him as he's like doing his wedding thing. But they're also wearing the colors: Alonzo's wearing a very well-fitting purple suit thing and Greg is wearing a similar one in red. And they are like dancing, and the wedding is finally happening, and everything is starting to ramp up and it's party time.

A: So what are all the line cooks and chefs doing? Are they just like watching the entrance?

E: Yeah, they were in line and applauding. And they know this is their cue that dinner is going to be served very shortly.

A: So they are going back into finish up?

E: Yes, they are going to go back in the kitchen. As soon as the applauding stops they go back inside.

A as INARA: So Tracey, do you want to go back into the kitchen, or stay out here and help me monitor the situation? Like, what’s going on?

B as Tracey: i want to go back into the kitchen and try to make up with my Batali friend.

A: So I’m gonna grab another tray of drinks from another--no, the same server who walked by again. I give hee my empty tray and take her full tray, I imagine she’s not super pumped about that. But I’m going to keep walking the perimeter and see if anyone sketchy is going to lurk by the thrones, or look kind of intimidating.

E: Great, Johnny?

M: Johnny has been hanging out around Max, presumably also the trio of Nectarias, Huey, Dewey and Louie, have been hanging out as well.

A: Oh god, I forgot. [Laughs]

M: We are all just hanging out, having a great time. Gregina and myself and Johnny are hitting it off pretty cool.

E: Oh yeah, it continues.

M: She's not hating me.

E: No, she's kind of like treating you... you definitely feel like a guest.

M: Perfect.

E: For some reason you're also at the dais, and you should not be there, but like they kind of like you so much [that] you're just like standing over it, leaning on it, but everyone else is sitting.

M: They love me so much I'm a welcome guest.

E: Yes, yes yes.

M: Now, I would love to also say hello to Alonzo and Greg.

E: Sure.

M: And congratulate them.

E: Sure, and as the guests who have just like run up in line to suck up to them immediately right up there, it finally starts to dissipate a little bit, and there's an opening for you to jump in.

M as JOHNNY: Greg, Alonzo, hello! How are you both? Congratulations!

E: And you see their eyes glitter for a second and they say,

E as GREG: I know you... Who are you... who is...

E: Alonzo says,

E as ALONZO: I know you...

E: And Greg says,

E as GREG: I know you too... I cannot place where I know you from.

M as JOHNNY: You don't remember good old Johnny?

M: And I give a wink.

E: Oh, you’re giving a wink to them? And they say,

E as ALONZO: Johnny Storm... storm...

M as JOHNNY: Stormborn!

E as GREG: Of, of course!

M as JOHNNY: LIsten, friends, it has been an age.

E as ALONZO: Forever.

M as JOHNNY: It has been an age. Listen, I was just talking to Huey, Dewey and Louie, and we are so, so proud of the two of you. I want you to know, if you need anything the Stormborns are here. We have had in the past some, you know, little tiffs, but only minor because you and us always... We go together like shoo wop shoo wop-a-dop [to the tune of “We Go Together” from Grease]

ALL: [Laughter]

A: Hinka-de boop-de-boop, is that the next...? Yeah, okay, great.

E: And Alonso and Greg go, “Shoop-a-de boop-de-boop, of course.” I need you to make a deception check for them having tiffs in the past.

A: I mean, it’s probably...

M: That's going to be a 17

E: That's fine, that stays. And Alonzo says,

E as ALONZO: Of course, any friend of our family is a friend of mine! I mean, you have just charmed my cousins so much and I appreciate that. You don't have to do anything for me but have a great time.

E as GREG: One thing you could do for me is try to find my sister someone to, someone to shack up with. Isn't that right?

E: And he kind of, like, elbows Gregina.

E as GREG: You know, Gregina, you know how you need a husband?

A: [Flinching] Oooh.

E: And he is kind of like poking her a lot, and she keeps that same smile that she had on for you, and I don't think you have to roll an insight check to know that’s a put-on face.

A: And, sorry, Mazimillian is the brother or the cousin?

E: Yeah, he is Alonzo's brother and he is cousins to Huey, Dewey, Louie.

A: Got it.

M as JOHNNY: Don't bother Gregina! It's your day, let her relax. And anyway, I've already promised to go shopping with her another day and get her some fetching outfits.

E: And she, she keeps that smile on her face, and just kind of looks at you. She says,

E as GREGINA: You know what would be grand? If you could come and grab a drink with me over at the open bar. I love the, the punch that they're serving, and the blue punch is my favorite, you know, but I'm looking for something different. Won’t you escort me?

E: And she holds her hand out to you.

M: Of course, but let's make it quick. I have issues to discuss with Maximillian. Great issues, issues of trade...

ALL: [Laughter]

E: And she says,

E as GREGINA: [Sarcastically] Oh, you men and your trade...

M: [Laughs]

E: And her smile get only a little bit thicker. She kind of grabs you by the wrist and leads you over to the bar. She just kind of holds up the number four to him [the bartender] and it's like she has a connection with this bartender, and he just pours her four shots of a bottle he just kind of like grabs off from the side. He puts four in front of both you. And she says,

E as GREGINA: I don't know about you but I needed to get out of there. I guess, all four of these can be for me if you're not going to jump in and grab them.

M as JOHNNY: I would love one and you may have the rest. I don't want to take away any of party from you.

E as GREGINA: Okay, the lady gets three!

E: And she throws all three of them back.

M: I'd like to do a deception to make it seem like I drank but I haven't.

E: That’s slight of hand.

M: Yeah, that's an 18

E: Yeah, you, while she's taking the shots you actually throw the shot over your shoulder, like not the full glass but you throw the liquid over your shoulder. You make eye contact with the bartender and wink at him, and he kinda winks back. And you put the shot back down, and she goes,

E as GREGINA: {Blows air through lips] Right, whoooo, Adamah, help me out here. Hah!

E: it may seem like she can take a shot, but she got drunk real quick real fast. She’s kinda like... you know how shots are supposed to work through your body, and you know how, like, digestion works?

M: Oh yeah.

E: Generally. But this thing has just smacked her in the face. She is just slurring her words, and she says,

E as GREGINA: [Drunkenly] Oh, I had to get out of there..

M as JOHNNY: Gregina, why do you have to get out of there, do you not love your brother?

E as GREGINA: [Drunkenly] I... I love... he... Greg... he's great and what he found with Alonzo... But you know, Greg is younger than me. I’m... I should be... I’m older than him, and he's younger than me, and you know that means. It's... it’s crud...

All: [Laugh]

M: I know it’s crud.

E as GREGINA: It’s crud

M: I know, I know it’s crud, but it’s his day! Are you not you happy? I’m so happy.

E: And she does a smile at you, and you don’t have to do an insight check to see she is lying, and she’s bad at it.

M: You look pained in your soul where there should be a light of happiness.

E as GREGINA: Thank you, I appreciate that so much.

E: But she kind of just slumps over on the bar. You shake her a little bit and she comes back, and she's like,

E as GREGINA: [More soberly] O yeah, I am, hi. You know, I just deserve to be first in line, you know.

M: I interpret that as a threat, and I’m like,

M as JOHNNY: Oh, Gregina, you will always be first in line in my heart. Bartender, grab her another three shots on me, Sylvanus Stormborn, if you have a question ask Maximillian. Three shots for her!

ALL: [Laugh]

M: And I make a beeline towards Max.

E: And the bartender pours 3 shots and puts them all in front of Gregina, and she definitely like grabs at one of them and is like trying to take the shot. You also notice that as soon as the bartender does that, he books it to the kitchen.

A: Woah. And I’m sort of torn between, do I go over to supervise the dais, or go back to the kitchen, but my tray is half empty so I figure might as well go back into the kitchen, check on Tracey, get more drinks, and figure out where this sketchy bartender is gonna go.

E: As the sketchy bartender enters the kitchen a wave of waiters come by you all holding the food for the dinner service. I’ll need you to do a dex roll.

A: Are they all singing “Be our guest, be our guest?”

E: Yeah.

A: That’s a 20.

E: Yeah, you just kind of like bob and weave in between all of the waiters here, and you follow quickly behind the bartender. You're now in the kitchen. Oh, Tracey, what are you doing the kitchen?

B: I've gone back up to Batali and I've asked him if he knows how to make chicken stock.

A: [Laughs]

E: Yeah, the entire time he keeps ignoring you. He keeps going about his time, keeps looking over to Charlene to try to take you away, but he's not good at communicating. So she does not know what he's trying to say. She doesnt want to upset him, so she just kind of goes, “Uh?” and does those signals back, does some finger guns real quick.

A: Boom boom boom, thanks boss.

E: Like, ‘Yeah, okay!’ When the bartender comes he kind of just like walks by you, Tracey, and Inara, you see this from the kitchen door. He walks by you and whispers into Fabius’s ear, and quickly they both walk over to where the black bread was.

A: Can I stealthily try to go reload my drink tray near the shelves?

E: Yeah, stealth check.

A: 10.

E: Yeah, you can get kind of close, but not close enough to get a really good read on what they're doing. LIke you try to get sneaky by the counter but they're, like, looking over their shoulders a bunch, and you cannot get close them.

A: Okay, I tried. So I’m gonna hang out by Tracey

E: Yeah, you’re hanging out in the same area. And you’re watching, basically similar to what you two did earlier, the halfling scrambles up the human’s back, jumps up there, puts his hand in there, in the shelf, and kind of like shoves it in his coat, and then he hops down.

B: So as they walk over there and put their hands in there, Tracey goes,

B as Tracey: Hey, watch out! There’s something in there.

E: Yeah... they both look over at you and they look pissed that you were, like, talking to them. Fabius says,

E as FABIUS: Sous chef!

E: And Charlene looks up immediatly and he says,

E as FABIUS: take this Devar-dammned robot out of my face.

E: And he intimidates the hell out of her, and she shepherds you off. Charlene says,

E as SOUS CHEF CHARLENE: Hey buddy, let’s just, let’s stay away from the Head Chef.

E: And she tries to pull you away.

B as Tracey: [Quietly] I was just trying to help!

E as SOUS CHEF CHARLENE: [Soothingly] I know, but when the master’s gotta work the master’s gotta work.

E: She tries to lead you actyally out of the kitchen, like toward where the lost and found is, out into the courtyard.

B: Okay, um, so Inara is in the kitchen, right?

E: Yeah, Inara’s right there.

B: Can I sneak her a glance and give her, like, very dangerous, or very suspicious eyes? Like Panic eyes, ‘do something’ eyes?

E: Yeah.

B: I give you those eyes.

A: Okay, I probably want to follow, because I don’t trust that Tracey can kind of comport himself around humans yet. From what I’ve seen so far he seems not so good at that. So I think I’ll follow at a medium distance.

B: And I see her start to try to follow me and I say,

B as Tracey: Black bread!

A as INARA: Uh, uh, okay.

A: I’m going to keep following, pretending to need a smoke break or something.

E: Yeah, you follow behind. Charlene takes you out in the courtyard, and it's a beautiful starry night, and Charlene just says,

E as CHARLENE: [Kindly] Hey, you know, Tracey, you just got to tone it down maybe a little bit? Around Fabius? He's very fastidious, Fabius is very fastidious, and he needs... he just sometimes needs his space. You've just got to let him go.

B: I turn the Charlene and I say,

B as Tracey: Charlene, you've done nothing but good to me.

B: And I take out the butt of my Great Axe and I try to hit her over the head.

All: WHAT?!

E: Sure, do it.

B: That’s a 12.

E: Yeah, she’s only wearing chef's clothes, and yeah, you hit her. She's also very surprised that you turned on her like that, and you whack her, and she's down.

A: Inara sees this happen and runs forward, and says,

A as INARA: Tracey, what are you doing?

B as Tracey: We don't have time we have to go we have to go figure out black bread.

A as INARA: What does that mean?!

B as Tracey: There's something going on with the pointy frogs, and the head chef, and the bartender. And I need to go stop people from getting pointed.

A as INARA: Are you saying that you were poisoned by frogs?

B as Tracey: I don't get poisoned. And, uh, if you could help out Charlene that be great.

A as INARA: Wait, hang on. Are you saying that the plot against the princes, there's something about frogs and a bartender and the chef, is is that what's happening here?

B as Tracey: Look, I don't know exactly what's happening, but I was a detective. And I have enough clues and enough evidence to try to go... [in a dramatic voice] solve this crime.

B: And I kind of, like, whip my cape around a little bit.

A as INARA: Okay..

B as Tracey: Are you down are you going to help?

A as INARA: I mean, I guess I should go after the bartender. He did look kind of suspicious, and you know, Johnny gave me a little signal in the Great Hall... So why don't you, just, why don't you just hide yourself? It seems like you almost just murdered this the sous chef up here --

B as Tracey: — oh, very much did not murder! Very much did not murder.

A as INARA: Okay, well, I mean, it kind of looks like it. Why don’t I just go into the hall and just try to make sure the bartender doesn’t kill anyone else.

B as Tracey: I think we both need to try to sneak in the hall. You go first, though.

A as INARA: [Uncertainly] Okay?

B as Tracey: Go!

A as INARA: Okay.

A: So Inara turns around and tries to sneak through the kitchen and back into the Hall. Do I need to do any kind of check?

E: No, no one's really in the kitchen because they're kind of like prepping desert. Everyone's pretty occupied and there no waiters out there ‘cause they are all doing their thing.

A: I’m pretty freaked out by Tracey, but again, I don't know him or Johnny very well, so I'm just going to head into the Great Hall and try to locate the bartender and the head chef ‘cause they all seem to be out there.

E: Tracey, what are you doing after Inara?

B: So after Inara is back into the kitchen I'm going to try to peek through the door and try to see what the head chef and the bartender are doing.

E: Oh, they're gone.

B: Okay, so I see they're gone?

E: Oh yeah, they're definitely -- as Inara walks through you notice that there is no one in the kitchen.

B: Okay, so I am going to proudly stroll through the kitchen, my shoulders held high, and then peek through the door into the Great Hall.

E: Okay, I'm going to regulate the time streams here for a second. Here is what Johnny saw. You go over Maximillian, and Maximillian is very happy that Gregina is kind of like slumped over there and he doesn't want to deal with that. So he's just like, again, he just like welcomes you over and is like,

E as MAXIMILLIAN: Hey, what up!

M: So I inform Max of the talk that we just had, that I interpreted a threat on Greg's life or at the very least a threat to Greg's happiness.

E: Sure.

M: I also tell him that as soon as she said that, the bartender started getting real shifty and ran off towards the kitchen.

E: Maximilian says,

E as MAXIMILLIAN: All right, thank you, good job, that's exactly why I needed you here. Where are the other two?

M: So I tell Maximilian that to the best of my knowledge my two companions were in the kitchen where the bartender went so hopefully they might have insight as to what possibly could happen.

E: Sure. As you guys are chatting and talking, I want you to make a perception check.

M: Three.

E: As you guys are chatting, you two, this is when Inara burst through the kitchen door and Tracey is sticking his head out. The bartender and Fabius have walked calmly through the hall and are now 20 feet from the dais.

A: Oh no.

E: And at this point, you only now notice -- and all of your time streams are now equal -- and at this point you see Fabius reach into his coat, grab these three frogs that he's holding in his hands --

B: And Tracey backs up about four feet from the door and then with the, like, biggest burst of speed he possibly can, runs through the door and goes,

B as Tracey: [Very fast] Ohhhhh everyone look out there’s frogs in his coat!

B: And i head toward the dais with my shield up.

E: At this point Fabius screams,

E as FABIUS: This is for the red throat gang!

E: And he's now holding these three frogs.

M: Okay.

E: And is primed to throw them.

M: Okay. In the moment he is about to throw the frogs — so he has yet to find purchase in actually making it -- I would like to cast Color Spray.

E: Sure

M: Johnny places his hand on the book of light and throws his hand forward, producing a dazzling array of flashing and multi-colored lights, almost like a rainbow that flies over the newlyweds and in towards the assailants. That includes the bartender, the chef, and the three objects that the chef is attempting to throw. This causes blindness to those, uh, I guess, five creatures. And I then take a bonus action with my other hand as I lift it from the Book of Light, and then on my staff that I have on my back, I touch the head of it, giving it the effect of Sheleileigh, which is a magical effect on my Quarter Staff imbuing it with Nature's power.

E: So. In addition to the bartender, the head chef, the three froggy things that it's about to throw, you also blind a bunch of wedding people behind them. A bunch of guests are then just like shocked and blinded for a second. The head chef Fabius is about to throw the frogs, and he then starts to throw the frogs but he's also blinded... [rolls] So he's doing this just like freehand. And he throws two with one hand and that just goes totally in the wrong direction. He actually wings it so hard that it goes all the way to the left, actually towards Nessie. Also the tiny Nessie has disappeared because you're concentrating doing this other spell. And the one frog just like kind of skitters over to the balcony, and actually he throws it so poorly it falls off the balcony. The other one lands at Nessie’s feet on the platform. But the third one... it nails Greg right in the face

A: Noooo!

E: And he takes two points of damage, but he is also then, automatically starts looking real pale and real bad. And at this point, even though he's blinded, Fabius is still chanting, and says,

E as FABIUS: Red throat gang! Red throat gang!

E: And so does the bartender, but they are just like kind of chanting and walking around in circles and they cannot... they’re very disoriented. And also, everyone is freaking out.

B: So I'd like Tracey, as I'm running up, I'd like to make a diving tackle of Fabius and the bartender and just try to knock them down.

E: Sure, why don’t you make a strength check for me.

B: 16.

E: Yeah, you knock them both down, because you get advantage, because they're blind. So you take them down and they are fully under your robot strength.

B: Yeah, bug muscled wood arms. I’m just trying to hold them down.

A: Can I try to pickpocket Fabius to see if theres anything else in there?

E: Sure, roll for sleight of hand.

A: That's a 15.

E: Yeah you go in there and you just kinda grab it. There’s nothing in there but a red bandana, and also a dagger.

A: Can I take them both and put them in the belt of my slightly loose pants?

E: [Laughs] Yeah.

A: Thank you.

B: I want to scream out loud,

B as Tracey: Johnny! Help Greg!

M: Johnny grabs his quarter staff has been imbued with the power of Sheleileigh, which gives it a magical effect, to golf hit the frog off of Greg's... I believe it's his face?

E: Yeah it’s definitely his face.

A: I hope your aim is good, man.

E: Make an attack roll.

A: ...not so much.

M: That’s a twelve.

A: That's a medium at best

B: [Laughs]

E: You... you hit the frog thing, and just kind of, like, hit it off. It's not a very good hit, and you are so close to hitting Greg in the face.

M: [Relieved] Yesss.

E: But you do not... I also want to point out what you just did. You basically like stood up on this table and took, like, a big old golf swing on one of the most respected humans in this entire city state.

M: I will say, however, for those who are not blinded, I look fabulous doing so.

A: Yeah, okay, man, let’s see if we get out of this hall alive. Then we can talk about how good you looked. The bards will sing about this day, etcetera etcetera, if we survive.

E: All right, I want to set the scene here, too. Everyone is freaking out, and I want to say that there are 400 people in this Hall who are now, like, up and screaming ‘cause like there'd been a burst of light. And these guys, even underneath Tracey, are still screaming basically an insurrection anthem. They are just screaming this thing, and no one knows what to do.

A: I just want to make sure that all the frogs are out of here. So Inara is going to cast her cantrip Mage Hand, which produces a hand, like a magical hand, that I can direct as I want. And I want to scoop up that incapacitated frog that Johnny hit with his Sheleileigh and just chuck it out the window.

E: Yeah, sure, why didn't you make, on behalf of your mage hand, why do you make a dex save to try to grab that thing?

A: The mage hand is me and I am the mage hand. That is a 13.

E: Sure, yeah, that's enough to grab it. You definitely grab it, and you... what you want to do with it?

A: Toss it out the window!

E: Yeah, and it goes out the window.

A: Great.

E: This earthly, I like to think it’s like a Mickey Mouse hand?

A: Oh, me too, 100%.

E: A Mickey Mouse glove, and grabs and goes, [in Mickey Mouse voice], “Ha-ha!”

M: [Laughs] It goes “Ha-ha”?

E: It goes “Ha-ha.”

A: It does.

E: At this point, everything is going crazy and everyone is running around. The frog thing is wandering around and grabs onto the owlbear, onto Nessie. [Pause] And this is too much for this, this Beast. It is losing it. Like I said before, during your nature check, it is like slowly getting more aggrivated. There was a burst of light, it’s loud, no one is holding its rope anymore in the chaos. And it charges the dais.

A: Can I use my mage hand to try to pet it on the head and soothe it?

E: You can try. Why don’t you make another dex for that?

A: That is an 18.

E: Yeah, you get over there and you try to pet it, but it is in like a rage right now. It is just like aggravated that you have touched it and is getting more angry.

B: Tracey yells out,

B as Tracey: Inara, use your mage hand on my back!

A as INARA: Uh, okay!

A: So Inara recalls the mage hand and just kind of directs it to karate chop Tracey on the back.

B: And right as it is coming at me I quickly pull up my pair of manacles and latch these two, the bartender and Fabius, together. And then the mage hand hits me on the back, and suddenly my eyes go super light, and then dark.

A: Woah.

B: And I am now in a state of non-consciousness, but I immediately start charging the owlbear. So my eyes are completely non-lit anymore, I am rushing as hard as I can with shield forward, and I try to basically side tackle this owlbear.

E: Sure.

[Low creepy music starts]

E: People are screaming, as many people have you ever seen looking around. Alonzo is standing next to Greg, and you are watching the color go out of his face. The Person who he just pledged his life to, and that he loves so deeply, and he doesn't know how this day could have gone any worse or what kind of god cursed him to have such a terrible fate. He looks around and he sees his family who’ve scattered, he sees Nessie who is starting to charge, and this robot thing that has come out of nowhere to try to tackle it. Everything is just too close, and he then sees the Nectarias who have also scattered, and he feels shame on behalf of Fidapolis. He knows the implications of everything. He then looks over at the two blinded and crushed Red Throats who continue to chant something that he feels personally responsible for. And all he wants to do is punch these guys and kick these guys and hurt them until they move everything backwards. And he is getting more worked up and worked up, and... He lets out just an angry, tortured scream. And at that point his necklace then starts to spin. And... Time stops.

[Music crescendoes, pauses, then continues]

E: And Alonzo is looking around. The Frozen scene: a perfect painting of chaos. And he looks out the window into a constellation of five stars, and he sees the center one... blink out.

[Upbeat music]

E: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt, and to Zachary Valenti for voicing the Fidapolis clergyman.

M: The party doesn’t stop here! Make sure you catch the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Just tap the next episode in your podcast feed.

B: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at hitusup@jointhepartypod.com.

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E: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.