3: Wedding Party III

When time stops, how does our fearless party respond? Can they recalibrate the time stream, or will they be caught buffering forever? Inara tells a story. Tracey calls top bunk. Johnny opens a window.

The party continues on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr @JointhePartyPod! On our Patreon page (patreon.com/jointhepartypod), you can unlock exclusive bonus content like cut scenes, bloopers, character backstories, player blog posts, Dungeons & Dragons game tips, and so much more. Have stories or questions for the next Afterparty? Email hello@jointhepartypod.com or visit http://jointhepartypod.com/contact.  

Join the Party is produced by Eric Silver, Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, and Michael Fische. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.


Transcript

Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.

Eric: Okay, so there was a plot to kill Alonzo and Greg. The weapon?

Brandon [as Tracey]: blackbread!

E: No, Tracey, it was poison. And then it all pops off!

E [as Head Chef]: This is for the red throat gang!

Michael: Johnny places his hand on the book of light producing a dazzling array of flashing lights

A: And I want to scoop up the incapacitated frog and chuck it out the window.

B: I am rushing as hard as I can with shield forward, and I try to basically side tackle this owlbear.

E: Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something that stops the passage of time. Let's get the party started.

[Theme music]

E: Alright, we are back in this. Alonzo has just frozen time and all of you are set in a beautiful tableau of chaos. All right, let's start with Tracey. Tracey, where you at?

B: I am rushing. I have just subdued the Red Throat Gang members, the bartender, and the chef, and put manacles on them. And I'm rushing towards Nessie with my shield in front of me, trying to side tackle her.

E: Johnny, where you at?

M: Johnny just cast a color spray blinding many of the guests and the assailants, and Johnny then swung a perfect—it would have been PGA Tour-worthy golf hit—off, of a frog off of Greg's face.

A: Is the color spray lingering in the air?

M: I'm sure the effect is still there, the blindness certainly is there, but the effect is just pretty, pretty colored lights all over the place, ‘cause that’s what Johnny B. Goodlight would like.

E: Inara, where you at?

A: Inara used her Mage Hand to throw, I think it was the last poisonous frog out the window, and then futilely to have it sort of soothe Nessie as she was kind of getting all riled up. I don't think that worked so I'm, I'm probably standing, I don't know, 5 or 10 feet away from Nessie.

E: Okay, so everything else around you, as you remember it, is a wedding in chaos. And people are frozen with their hands in the air. They are open mouthed and screaming, people are running away. Batali and the bartender are on the ground, and they're manacled, and Alonzo is looking around at the scene. He cannot believe what he just did. And after a few seconds... Well, two of you, Inara and Johnny, you guys realize you can still move. Tracey, you don't remember because you're currently in a rage right now. And I'm just going to tell you what Tracey is doing, and although Nessie has stopped moving, Tracey is continuing to move and using the laws of physics Tracey has launched himself full-on into the wall and he collides and kind of just like crashes into the wall.

B: Wait did I just like, miss Nessie?

E: Yeah, because your trajectory was for like a running speeding owlbear and you just totally wiffed and hit the wall.

A: And then she froze.

B: I couldn't correct, got it.

E: No.

A: So Tracey is like not, not a conscious mind? Like he's going into rage mode and that's just that?

E: Yeah. He is currently raging at the moment.

A: So Inara looks over at Johnny and goes,

A [as Inara]: What the hell, man?

M [as Johnny]: That was a perfect swing if I ever saw one.

A [as Inara]: Time is frozen!

M [as Johnny]: Huh?

M: Johnny, obviously caring about himself more than anything else, was only paying attention with what he was doing.

M [as Johnny]: This is quite odd. Is anyone here that can talk?

E [as Alonzo]: Oh, hi. What's. I. What. Okay.

E: Alonzo is freaking out. He's like, moving everybody around. He does not know what's going on right now. He's like,

E [as Alonzo]: You two can move?

E: And Tracey collides it into the wall.

E [as Alonzo]: And the robot can move. Crazy. OH MY GOD. ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.

B: Would you say he was moving people around. Was he moving people around like mannequins?

E: Oh yeah, it's exactly like mannequins.

A: And do their arms stay straight up when he, like, lifts them up?

E: Yeah, absolutely.

M [as Johnny]: I recommend you stop touching people.

E [as Alonzo]: But they're frozen. I don't know.

M [as Johnny]: Inara, could you please calm him down while I try to help Tracey out.

A: Sure. So Inara walks over to Alonzo and says,

A [as Inara]: Did you try to do that, mister? Your necklace seems all spinny and glowing.

E: And Alonzo looks down and the, the medallion is currently still spinning and still glowing. Which he did not notice before.

E [as Alonzo]: I guess so. Is that what happens now that I'm married? Oh my God... Greg!

E: He runs over to Greg, and Greg is currently all red throated from the Grung and he is not doing well. He's also kind of frozen in like like a choking sort of motion and he does not look good.

A [as Inara]: Johnny, do you know anything about this frozen poison type thing? Can you help him right now?

M [as Johnny]: Give me a moment before Tracey breaks down the entire place.

B: Tracey has already stood up and is aiming to shoot at Nessie again.

M: Goodlight takes his his Shillelagh’ed quarterstaff from a, like, he reaches as far towards Tracey as possible while Tracey is like aiming at Nessie, and flips the switch using the quarterstaff so that he himself doesn't have to touch an enraged automaton.

A: Much like trying to kill a roach with a yardstick, which I totally did before.

M: Yeah, it looks like he's like, [as Johnny]: “Ewwwwwwww!” He makes that noise.

B: And Tracey just kind of like shakes himself and rubs his eyes and looks around at the scene and then is very confused.

E: Sure, okay. I want you to roll a dex roll.

M: For a flat dex, I have a 16.

E: That's great. Yeah you totally turn that switch off.

A: And Inara says,

A [as Inara]: Johnny, come over here. He's, like, not looking good.

M [as Johnny]: Tracey, buddy, you gonna be Okay?

B [as Tracey]: Yeah.

M [as Johnny]: Okay.

M: Johnny walks towards Alonzo, Inara and Greg and tries to survey the situation. I'd like to make a medicine check to figure out the medical situation that Greg is in so we can properly see our options here.

E: Hell yeah, do it.

M: 17 plus three.

E: Ooh.

A: Johnny B. Good Roll.

[Laughter]

E: Okay. Greg is definitely affected by something you haven't seen before. You know what poison looks like, and what it looks like when humanoids get poisoned. But this is a little bit different because the collection is near is around the neck. However you can assume that the regular kind of healing potions, strong healing potions that doctors and maesters have come up with would work to get this poison out of it. But it would have to be strong.

M [as Johnny]: He seems to be poisoned. I've never seen something like this before. I'm not quite sure my magic will do anything but stabilize him. Do you have anything that you could do?

A [as Inara]: Yeah, I have a poisoner's kit.

A: So Inara runs across the ballroom to just the entrance to the kitchen, where she had stowed her clothes, and her bag is there with it. So she grabs the poisoner's kit from out of her satchel, which is next to her thieves’ tools, and runs back out. As she is running she looks in it for all of the antidotes that are there in the poisoner's kit, because if you’re gonna poison someone you need the antidote as well. And just based on what she sees, the most familiar poison to her is is sort of like one that comes out of like, like, almost like poison ivy? But just super super bad, like red and rashy and terrible. So she uses that antidote and and uncorks it and says to Johnny B. Goodlight,

A [as Inara]: So I can just, like, put it in his mouth, right?

M [as Johnny]: I...

A: Johnny's taking too long to answer. So Inara just pours the antidote into Greg's open writhing mouth, or, frozen mouth.

E: Okay. So you pour the antidote into his mouth... and it sits there in his mouth. He's a frozen person.

A: No way, man! Gravity would pull that stuff down into his throat.

B: Is there gravity in the world?

E: There's definitely gravity but like he's still frozen, still.

A: Okay, so Inara turns to Alonzo.

A [as Inara]: Okay, so. So you froze time somehow. Can you unfreeze it? Can that necklace stop spinning or spin backward? Just, let's go, here!

B: Tracey is petting Nessie now.

[Laughter]

A: Thanks for your contribution.

B: You're welcome.

E: Alonzo has been looking around and is, like, messing around with people, and still trying to figure it out as you stand over Greg. And he, he looks over what you're doing and he's like,

E [as Alonzo]: What are you. What are you pouring. What is that. What's going on. What are you doing.

A [as Inara]: I don’t know, man! I'm trying to help your husband.

E [as Alonzo]: An antidote for what... I don't know... for what, for like, your headaches?

A [as Inara]: He got poisoned. There were there were frogs. There were spears. There was black bread. He got poisoned. I didn't put together at the moment but now I have...

E [as Alonzo]: No, I got all that. No, I understand everything that is happening to me right now. Oh my God. Well. Okay. If you are going to do your adventurer’s, like, poison kit, why don't you actually talk to a medicine man that we have here? You know, a doctor. Like, he's here, like, you don't think I would invite the actual doctor to my wedding who works in the castle? Go talk to him. Go find him, go find him.

A [as Inara]: Time’s frozen, bro!

B: Tracey walks over to Alonzo and starts petting Alonzo.

E: Can you roll for comfort. why dont you do a charisma check.

B: I got a crit one.

[Laughter]

A: You just read Alonzo's life worse, improbably.

E: You're just like raking your hands through his hair, like, really uncomfortably.

A: Nuts and bolts are getting caught in his hair.

B [as Tracey]: This is how my mom did it for me.

E [as Alonzo]: What, was your mom a wheat thresher? I feel much worse.

B [as Tracey]: You. You knew her!

E [as Alonzo]: Oh no no no. The japes of the Joker these are not helping me. Okay. I'm going to help him swallow this. But I know this is just for like... I've seen this before. This is from your poisoner's kit, like, you're an adventurer?

A [as Inara]: Yeah. Just just a general antidote, like fast acting, just in case you get bitten by snake or something. I'm not saying it'll fix the problem, but I don't want him to die, all right! We're trying to do something.

E [as Alonzo]: Okay. Why don't you go find the doctor. He has. He's. He has a beard and he has tons of flowers in it. Go find him. He's somewhere in the hall. I'm going to make him swallow this. And this is bad this is so bad. This is bad.

E: And, perception check, everybody.

M: Good news, Johnny B. Goodlight is blind. He got a crit one.

A: All right. I got an 18+2 for a 21.

B: I got an 8.

E: 18 plus 2 for a 21?

[Laughter]

A: Um, 18 plus 3 for a 21!

E: There you go.

B: This isn't a math show, E.

E: Are you sure.

A: Only 19 but my mind is older.

B: I got an 8.

E: Inara, you look around and you see in the middle table. Well, like halfway through, there is a dwarf who has... He has like really nice white robes around him. He currently has his mouth totally open and is about to, like, pour two drinks into it, and he has a massive beard with like 14 roses just like adorned through it.

A: I'm super into that. Are they multi-colored, are they the same color spectrum, like, what are we talking?

E: Yeah. There are pink roses and there are light like purple roses, lilac color.

A: Love it.

E: Yeah. And he is having a good time even while everyone is in like a chaos around him like people are getting up from the table and running and screaming but he's like in full like double fisting mode.

A: So Inara says,

A [as Inara]: Okay. He's over there Alonzo he's frozen no like like what do we do.

E [as Alonzo]: He has, he's a doctor! He has stuff on him. Just go, go, I'm just going to make him try to swallow it.

E: He just starts to like mash Greg's mouth a little bit to try to get him to swallow it, and he does go down a little bit.

A: Okay.

E: But nothing nothing changes.

A: Okay so Inara runs across the hall to the medicine person dwarf. And what do I find in his robes?

E: He has a satchel on him that it has like a red, a red cross on it.

A: [Laughs] Glad that It's a universal symbol for health.

E: And the thing with the red cross is a satchel.

A: All right, so Inara uses her, her you know, cunning little thieves’ hands to swipe it and bring it on back to the dais where everything's going down.

E: Okay. So Alonzo grabs it out of your hands and he opens it up. Inside the satchel are like five different herbs of liquids and a really small mortar and pestle, you know, the kind of stuff that you can make guac in.

A: [Laughs] Tthat's exactly what they were invented for.

E: Oh yeah, guac and medicine! [Laughs] And Alonzo just starts pouring all of that stuff out on the table, and he's just trying to lay it out, and he starts like assembling all the stuff into a goblet. He grabs like two herbs and like a splash of like, blue liquid, and he starts grinding it up in the mortar and pestle. He takes it and he starts rubbing it on Greg's neck right where the inflammation is. And this whole time he's just rattling off questions to all three of you. So he started with Inara, asking,

E [as Alonzo]: Where did you get this.

E: And he doesn't actually stop for answers at all. He's like,

E [as Alonzo]: Where do you get this from? James? The one with the beard? How many flowers do you have in there? The guy with a big beard, beard and flowers, because he's very fancy, with white robes? James? You know who i'm talking about?

E: And the entire time he's doing it, and he finally lays the poultice out on on Greg's neck. And finally Alonzo's starting to calm down. He's forgotten Tracey’s manhandling of him, and he finally looks around, and he takes a big breath, and says,

E [as Alonzo]: Okay I don't, I don't know what happens next.

M [as Johnny]: What is it that you did?

E [as Alonzo]: You know it's... My family is super powerful, like, I don't... I learn random stuff, I don't have anything better to do. I took alchemy classes. I needed to do it myself. I know you are, you are all helping. I just really needed to know everything. No, no...

E: and he's getting more kind of worked up again.

B [as Tracey]: What did you do to time?

E [as Alonzo]: Oh yeah. I don't know, man.

E: And the medallion is still spinning and glowing and he's like,

E [as Alonzo]: Maybe it's this thing? I don't... I can only imagine because you guys are moving, and moving, and this is moving. So unless the three of you are like, Crono Masters, that's my only... I don't know. I don't know.

A [as Inara]: Is that, like, a family heirloom or something?

E [as Alonzo]: This? Yeah I got it for, I got it for my wedding. It got passed down from the Kikos. Like, my great great super great grandfather had it. And it's like it's supposed to give you good luck. I didn't know it did this. No one told me it glows.

B: Can I roll on Arcana check to see if I know anything about the object?

M: I'd also like to as well

B: What’s your arcana? It may be better than me.

E: everyone roll an arcana check!

[Players grumble]

A: Seven plus two equals nine.

M: Ten.

B Seven.

E: It's definitely powerful. You make the deduction that it is the thing that has stopped time. But you don't really know that much more about it. It's really powerful and it goes along kind of with what Alonzo was saying, but you don't really learn anything more.

A: So Inara was raised on the road with, like, a nomadic clan of moon elves telling stories around campfires. So from stories she knows that, like, sometimes fate intervenes to save your beloved. So she hypothesizes that aloud:

A [as Inara]: Maybe it acted because your beloved was in mortal peril. If, perhaps, he is closer to life and he gets saved, maybe time will unfreeze itself.

E: Alonzo looks over at you and says,

E [as Alonzo]: Tell me one, just pick one. You have to have known one that you would have heard before. This is too much. I need to hear someone else's story. Come on.

A [as Inara]: [Grudgingly] Okay, so, like, once upon a time...

A: And Inara sort of, like, looks around the room wildly.

A [as Inara]: Ummm, Gnome Rosebeard... and, umm, like, drunken sister-in-law... were really just in love with each other. But then one day a... uh...

A: And she looks around...

A [as Inara]: An owlbear! Came across their encampment and was about to eat the rosebeard guy because he liked Rose's... the owlbeard... I don't know. Just, like, a delicacy, anyway. So, she was like leaping toward Rosebeard when all of a sudden, time froze! And, and, drunken sister-in-law looked down and realized that her... her wedding ring! Had a moon in it! And it glowed, and it was fine anyway. And then she knocked the owlbear out of the out of the way and dragged the Rosebeard husband out of the way. And then, and then time unfroze! Because he was out of danger! And the owlbear, like, leapt into the fire and then was dead—sorry, Nessie—and then everything was fine, and he lived happily ever after, and died at 400. And they had 18 kids. Okay, bye.

E: Roll a performance check, and you get advantage, because you done did it.

A: I sure will. That is 17.

E: You have advantage

A: 16.

E: All right. Alonzo is rapt during this retelling, and his breathing starts to go down a little bit, and he's following along with the story. What is Johnny doing?

M: I walk towards Gregina, pulling one of the tablecloths, causing just a giant mess and not caring. Johnny tears off a good long piece and spins it around so it's a good almost rope-ish consistency.

A: [Laughs] Okay. Okay.

B: It has a nice mouthfeel.

M: [In a bad Italian accent] It has a nice mouth-a feel-a!

A: Somewhere Batali stirs and goes: What are you doing?

M: And he binds Gregina, who seems to be in a very drunken state. He gingerly places her on the ground and binds her hands and her legs so she cannot run away with a presumably great knot?

E: Make a... survival roll for me.

M: I can do that. That is an 18.

E: Yeah. That’s a sailor’s knot right there.

M: [In a Southern preacher accent] Oooh, Lordy Lordy! [Pause] ...Let's try that again. Well that's.... uh...

[Laughter]

M: i dont know why I said that...

M [as Johnny]: That... is a great knot.

M: I salute her. And then walk back towards the group.

A: Inara mutters under her breath,

A [as Inara]: "Not"

[Pause]

A: Get it? Cause she's, like, a teenager?

[Silence]

M: No one laugh! No one laugh! That was so bad!

[Laughter]

A: WOOOOHOO!

M: Good lord.

E: Johnny B, you bind up Gregina's hands using a very slick knot. Inara, you were telling this story to Alonzo and he's finally calming down. And as he actually takes more and more breaths, and like, he's visibly getting less anxious, you're seeing that actually some movement is starting to happen. People are kind of like, they're not shaking it off like they're shaking off the cold, it's like time is trying to get back into rhythm. So like some things are twitching a little bit, like some curtains are starting to blow in the evening wind, some people are starting to like twitch a little bit to get moving. And Alonzo finally takes one big breath and everything kind of pops back into place.

[Sound effect of a cork popping out]

E: All of a sudden the screaming is back. People are running and waving and waving their hands around. Alonzo is standing over Greg and he the color is coming back to his face.

A: Yessss.

E: The poultice is kind of just like hardening a little bit. And Greg is starting to breathe. He's also starting to breathe normally, and the color is coming back to his face. Alonzo has collapsed on top of his betrothed, just happy, happy he is okay. Everyone is just like still freaking out and screaming.

A: What's Nessie up to? Is she okay?

E: Oh, thank you. [Laughs] Nessie is currently charging and she's headed right for the dais.

B: Tracey just goes, [Long sigh], and then stands between the dais and Nessie and just like gets on a knee and puts a shield up.

E: What's your AC?

B: 16.

E: All right. So even in your resigned shield stance, Nessie is running. And I'm going to say this is like a tackle attack. So she just kind of lunges forward and she bounces off of your shield. Not like... it's not like bouncing like a bouncy ball, but you definitely you hold her enough, and she has stopped moving like right at the dais. And people are stunned.

M [as Johnny]: Huey, Dewey, Louie, my boys! Could you do me a solid? See those two guys on the floor. Super restrain them! And also this gal right here, Gregina, I believe, yeah, I need one of you to also grab her and bring her towards the dais please.

E: And all three of them stand up and say,

E [as Huey, Dewey and Louie}: All right, boss.

E: And they grab all the culprits together. They kind of like, are holding them all together, and the guards that are actually around the room are now seeing what you done to Nessie, and they start to like pull her back. This is, this is, you know, if you have an owl bear on hand there is a protocol for how to take it down if it freaks out. So they kind of like they pull Nessie actually out of the double doors and the handlers from before finally get a handle on her, and they actually take her out of the party.

M: Coming to a firepit near you, Owlbear Protocol: The Squeakquel. [Pause] I'm so sorry.

A: I'm so sorry, but the title of that movie is DEFCON Owlbear.

M: Yes. [Laughs] Zero Dark Owlbear!

A: The Fast and the Owlbear

E: [Disbelieving] I was just going to say that! NOOOO!

A: Were you going to say The Owlbear and the Furious? Or The Fate of the Owlbear? Owlbear Drift?

[Laughter]

E: All right. The three guys, they're holding them fast, and actually you see someone walk up to the three of you who you haven't seen before. It’s a older man in all purple robes, very, very sort of regal in a way that you haven't ever seen before. And he grabs all of your hands and shakes them and says:

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: On behalf of whatever you've done here, thank you. The Kikos are forever in your debt. I am, I'm Sylvanis. You probably, I mean, you probably know me...

E: In the same way that Maximillian said before, like, “you probably know who I am,” in the same way,

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: You probably know I am...

A: Inara goes,

A [as Inara]: Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, pleasure to meet you.

E: And they shake hands, yeah.

M: Wait, Sylvanus as in the guy I've been pretending to be?

E: No, they just have the same name.

M: Oh, whew, ok.

M [as Johnny]: Of course! Sylvanus, my good friend.

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: I know...

E: He looks at Johnny, he's still wearing the cloak...

M: [Happily] I'm still wearing the cloak!

A: The cloak of the eternal guest.

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: I know you from somewhere, you have a face I just cannot forget.

M [as Johnny]: You know, I say that to you every time, my friend. Come, give me a hug! No handshakes here.

E: He is a handshake sort of man, and he kind of keeps you like at like arms length and he says:

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: Handshakes are enough. Handshakes are enough.

M: I give him a hearty hearty handshake.

E: Yeah.

M: So hearty.

E: He's very content with that.

A: Do you stroke the side of his hand with your thumb a little bit as you shake his hand?

M: I don't know any sort of secret handshake languages. Actually, let's find out if I do! [Rolls a D20] Fifteen plus... What would that be....

B: It means nothing!

[Laughter]

M: I will figure this out! Let's do....

A: Performance?

M: Performance! That's a....

A: Or is it sleight of hand?

M: We'll do performance because it's a higher thing.

[Laughter]

M: I have a 19 in secret handshake language. So...

B: Then we flashback to Johnny B. when he's like 10 years ago at home. He's just like practicing on his own hands.

[Laughter]

B: Just like, "Yeah, this is tight."

M: But these are all handshakes that I've never told anyone. They're all for me.

E: Yeah, you know, this is canon. You were a really sad boy who practiced handshakes and now you are proficient in handshaking.

M: If you listen to my backstory you would know I was a sad boy.

A: The saddest.

E: The saddest boy. That's all canon. Yeah, sure, In languages write down "secret handshakes.”

M: That only M Johnny knows.

E: [Laughs] Arcane secret handshakes, sure!

A: I want to see the middle of the Venn diagram between theives’ cant and secret handshakes.

E: It's like, it's a circle. Its just one circle.

[Laughter]

E: Sylvanus Kiko is thanking all of you for your service. You do a power move of a handshake and he is just grateful and he steps out. He says,

E [as Sylvanus Kiko]: I need to be... My family needs to regroup, and we. It was nice. It was nice to meet all of you.

E: And he walks away.

M: Could we beckon Maximillian before he goes out with the group of Kikos?

E: Even before you try to look up to figure out where he is, he is right behind his papa, and he's like,

E [as Maximillian]: Oh yes! I knew this was the reason why I got you guys here. You just kind of busted in. Everything was weird for a second but that was great. And now all these people are in chains and the Red Throats! Didn't I just say it was the Red Throat Gang? And now it's a party and now everyone's going to have a great time and, yeah, nice!

E: And he had, he high fives all of you. He's like, he's high-five-ing a million angels.

B: I high-five him way too hard.

M [as Johnny]: My friend. You knew we would save the day. Come give me a hug.

E [as Maximillian]: No, we're not a hugging family. You just noticed that from my papa.

A: We were in jail like 10 minutes ago!

E [as Maximillian]: No, you are still criminals, but like I said I'm having too much fun. And, you know what? I'm going to put you up for the night. You're going to have a place just like stay and party like it's fine. I'm going to talk to y'all tomorrow. It's all good. I will see... Yes yes yes.

E: And now he's just going, he's just like going over to the band and they're starting to like get their groove back and put on all the dance music.

[Upbeat jazz music starts]

M: So I'm assuming that the criminals have been taken out of the hall.

E: Yeah, Huey, Dewey, and Louie like to pretend that they're police, and they're making them all do a perp walk out of the out of the hall.

M: Oh no, they're leaving?!

E: They're walking out.

M: No!

M [as Johnny]: Hewey, Dewey, Louie!

M: Johnny yells towards them.

M [as Johnny]: My boys, I will see you later! I know you're taking care of the criminals, because you're the best!

E: And they all give you an exaggerated salute and they are walking them all out.

M: They're my best friends.

E: So about this time, The way that I'm thinking about this is that you guys can do some stuff still in the world, and then when you want to move to the next thing you can. So the wedding is off and popping and all of these people are kind of, have settled down, and it's back to, like, it being a party again. Alonzo and Greg are having a good time. Is there anything you want to do in the wedding before you move on?

B: I want to grab just like a generic party goer and ask them, like,

B [as Tracey]: Hey, you know like when you sleep for a very long time and you get up out of bed and you have to stretch your limbs and everything and... Do you have that feeling right now?

E: You just grab a half-elf by the arm and ask this question. Yeah, they look a little groggy. And they kind of look back and say,

E [as Partygoer]: Yeah, you know, I do feel a little stiff. I really should have slept better. I was doing this whole this new thing where I actually sleep for only like three hours at a time and then I'm awake for six hours and I'm asleep for three hours again. So it might be that?

B: Tracey walks away

[Laughter]

A: Inara's nodding and is like,

A [as Inara]: Yeah, bi-phasal sleep, man, its like, yeah!

E: Anything else? Inara, do you want to do anything?

A: I would love to talk to the sous chef that Tracey became friends with and see if there was like previous, uh, suspicious behavior on the chef's part.

E: Okay. Charlene is outside the courtyard. Want to go there?

A: Sure, let's go. And can I grab Tracey by the elbow as we go?

E: Yeah, sure!

A [as Inara]: Tracey, before we get out of here, let's just see if there's anything, like, weird that was happening before we got here. I just don't trust that this was the last of the Red Throat people, so like, let's talk to your buddy the chef.

B [as Tracey]: Let's do it!

B: And I twirl my cape!

[Theme music]

A: Hey, it's Amanda! This is like when you put on your party playlist and there are like five bangers in a row, and then a r&b slow jam comes on but everyone's really into it? It's like that. Hey. Hi. Let's all grab a refill.

 

First off, I want to mention that we actually have transcripts of every episode on our website, jointhepartypod.com. I know audio isn't everyone's thing, or you might want to read along or go back and reread your favorite moments, so that's there for you to use and enjoy. If you have friends who just aren't podcast people or are Deaf/HoH, maybe send them a link and see if they dig it. That's jointhepartypod.com.

 

Whether you listen or read along, if you're enjoying this journey so far, we’d love if you could review us on Apple Podcasts, née iTunes. It sounds like a minor thing but it's actually really helpful for the growth of the show. Like the person who you ask to bring ice to the party, and they're like ice, really, THAT’S what you ask me to bring? but they're actually the secret heroes of the whole party. That's what iTunes reviews are. Boring, maybe, but clutch.

 

Another thing that is super duper important to helping us keep this party going is our Patreon. Yes, it's a way for you to support the show, but its also a super cool community where we share advance cuts of the episodes, bloopers for every! episode!, actual notes from our play sessions, the chance for your name to be featured as a character on the show, and a bunch of other cool things for our Patrons to enjoy. If you wanna join the fabulous, snack-wielding, ice-bringing Patrons, head on over to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and throw us a few bucks. Huge shout out to kaileigh, Maria, Alexandra, ben, and Katie! Or first five patrons. We love you. Alexandra is a Party animal, so she got this episode before anyone else. Because she's awesome.

 

Something I'm really excited about is the weekly blog posts from all of us on the team. Last week Brandon published an in depth look at the audio engineering and mixing behind our show. He does some incredible things with our dumb voices, not just the beautiful sound effects you hear, but stuff as granular as which side of the headphones our voices are on and why. You'll also hear from Eric about behind-the-scenes tidbits for the plot of this show, from Michael about playing and running D&D campaigns of your own, and from me! I... still need to write my first post, but I'm planning to talk about entering this wonderful world of RPG nerdery for the first time. Explaining cool stuff I’m learning, reviewing games and books and movies, interviewing people whose work I really love. I love that this is the first exposure a lot of you have to D&D, so we get to learn more about all this stuff together.

 

And don't miss the Afterparty. The day after each episode comes out, so every other Wednesday, we publish this talkback session. All four of us sit down to discuss the episode, to debrief on what just happened, and to beg Eric to tell us what could have happened if we went right instead of left or made that strength saving throw. And most exciting of all, we answer your questions! Please, ask us any questions you have about D&D, tabletop gaming, podcasting, whatever. Ask us for hot takes. We have a lot of them. Just hit us up @jointhepartypod on Twitter, FB, or Instagram;  we’ve also got a form on our website, jointhpartypod.com, or you can e-mail us at hello@jointhepartypod.com. And if you do ask us something or share fanart--Rowan! You shared such amazing art of Tracey!--throw #jointhepartypod in there so other folks can see it too.

 

Finally, this is the part of the show where we shout out a family member of ours to get them to listen to podcasts. This week I'm putting my youngest brother Austin on blast. Aus. I know you're super busy being a fireman and EMT, saving people's lives and houses and pets and stuff, but i think you should take an hour or so and listen to your big sister’s show. Connor helps out too! D&D is totally like your job. You have to get out of sticky situations and save people and make sure you don't die, a lot. Only, we’re sitting around a table discussing elves and wizards, and you're running toward danger at 3 am wearing like 80 pounds of gear. But this is important too. To me. Um. I love you. I'll show you how to download podcasts when you visit me next.

 

All right, let's get back to the party.

 

[Theme music]

E: You all walk into the courtyard and Charlene is now, you know that tree that originally Batali was standing under? She just kind of like is sitting under there. She's picked herself up, she's holding her head a little bit, and she sees you two walk over. And she, she is a little, she's a little scared, especially for such a tall and sturdy half orc. She's a little scared.

B [as Tracey]: Hi. Hi Charlene. Do you remember me?

E: She doesn't respond. She just kind of like, makes it a little wide eyed looking at you.

B: Okay. Tracey kind of pushes Inara forward a little bit and then kind of backs, backs off and keeps his distance.

A [as Inara]: Okay, miss. You seem like you're not evil. And like, inside, I don't know if you know this, but your boss just tried to poison the husband of the guest of honor, the two guests of honor. Do you know anything? Was there anything suspicious? Did, did he like, talk to any weird characters? I just want to make sure that we root out all this, like, insurrection and stuff, before before we leave the wedding.

B [as Tracey]: Sorry for hitting you!

A [as Inara]: Yeah, yeah, my buddy here. Just, just forget him. He's just... he's, he's had a rough day. Rage mode. I don't know. There's a big switch. Just, just, we're fine now.

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: Y'all said a lot of stuff to me at the same time. And my head hurts... Tracey?

E: She looks over at you and says,

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: You know, we both did some things today that we weren't proud of. I said some some hurtful things to you, and you hit me with the blunt side of an axe.

[Laughter]

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: I think I'm willing to forgive if you're willing to forgive.

B [as Tracey]: [Sweetly] I've already forgiven.

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: Well it's going to be very easy for me now.

E: And she is holdomg her hand out for you to grab.

B: And I give her the biggest hug she's ever had in her life.

E: Can you roll for that?

B: What is that?

E: Hugging.

B: That's a natural 9 hugging ability.

A: Is that a history roll?

E: You recall all of the hugs you've had in your past...

[Laughter]

M: You distill from all the best hugs you've had.

A: The platonic ideal of a hug.

E: It was a decent hug, it was nice. It was pretty good. You like pick her up and you like shook her around a little bit. Which was pretty nice but, I mean, she already forgave you, so it's ok. And she leans into it a little bit which is nice.

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: So what's the, what's this about? Who did... did someone die? What... the conspiracy? No, there is no conspiracy going on here. I don't know what we're talking about?

A [as Inara]: Batali, the guy in the orange fantasy crocs. He was totally totally poisoning the groom's husband. the other groom! Greg.

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: No!

A [as Inara]: Yeah, man!

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: No.

A [as Inara]: The Red Throat Gang, it's a thing. But, like, did he do anything suspicious?

E [as Sous Chef Charlene]: No! What Red Throat Gang? No, I didn't know anything about this. It all popped off without me. I'm so sad that I missed a party. Tracey, you crazy guy, you, you do things to me make me miss the party. When it all gets cool! You scamp.

B: Can I roll an insight check?

E: Yeah.

B: 13.

E: Yeah, she's not, she's not lying. Like, she's very, just, surprised. She's actually just excited about the drama that's happening.

B: That's her truthful voice?

E: Yeah! She was super, just like [disbelievingly], “Nooo! Whaaat?”

A: She's also just out of a coma.

E: Yeah, you did smack her pretty hard on the head.

A: Inara turns to Tracey and is like,

A [as Inara]: Okay, I feel like we’ve gotten everything useful that we can out of her. Do you have any other questions before we go?

B [as Tracey]: No.

B: And I give her another big hug.

A: Charlene or me?

B: It's a group hug this time.

A: [Laughs] Okay.

B: That was a 4 for a hug.

E: I'm gonna give you advantage because you tried to hug again.

B: That's an 18 for hugs.

[Laughter]

E: Oh, hell yeah. That was a good group hug. You, you're all there, you all feel good together. And she walks in with you to the party and you all get down! Now before that happens: Johnny, who are you talking to?

M: Johnny takes the medicine that Inara had taken from the dwarf and goes up to him to speak with him and return it.

E: Before you get a chance to open your mouth, you walk over, and James is surrounded by a ton of people who just like, all, all around him, and he's telling his story. And as you walk up he just kind of holds like a finger to you. And he, he continues like,

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: Oh yeah, after, I mean, everything was happening to me! I was just, I was, I mean, I just woke up and then my pack was gone. And I mean, everything's fine, though. Best party, best party this millennia! You know, I am a party guy, you know. You know I don't party down and don’t put flowers in my beard like this. But yeah, it’s a great party. You know all you’re all having a good time, you're all partying down, you know the medicine man. He gets down like that and he does like a little shimmy and everyone's just kind of laughing and smiling around.

M [as Johnny]: James, you totally killed it. Here. I found this over at the dais.

M: And I toss him over his mdicine

E: And he grabs it, he snatches it out of the air. He says,

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar. You look like a party animal just like me.

M [as Johnny]: You know me from the last banquet! Boy, did we get down.

E: He grabs the pack out of the air when you throw it to him and he says,

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: Oh, I recognize a partygoer wherever I go. Thanks man.

E: And he rifles through it, and he says,

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: Oh, this is some high level stuff. You could tell from the mortar and pestle. Who made this?

M [as Johnny]: I wasn't actually there, but it was one of the Kikos, I could tell. They did a good job. I think they saved Greg's life.

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: Yeah that's my boy. I've been training Kikos for years now. They all have a lot of alchemy skills and I guess that's what happens when you have nothing better to do. If I could mess around with the herb all day I'd be a happy man. Am I right?

E: And everyone around just the cracks up and laughs.

E [as Medicine Dwarf James]: All right, let's get on, let's get this party going!

E: And he walks away over to the dance floor with all the people around him and he has sick moves. Wait, let me roll for that. [Pause] Yeah, he has sick moves.

[Laughter]

E: Finally the wedding paces that you were expecting go through. They bring out this giant cake that, it has like both of their names, both their names written on in like delicate cake fonts. And of course they grab pieces of it and smoosh it in each other's faces. You're all drinking and you're partying, you're having a good time, you're, you're high fiving and you're making friends. And eventually the party winds down, kind of like, all of you really, definitely are a little bit drunk. And you were kind of led through the intricate hallways of the Kiko castle and you are brought to your room that you are staying in that Max secured for you. And there are three bunk beds that are all made up both from the top and the bottom.

B [as Tracey]: I'll take the top bunk!

B: Tracey takes the top bunk, one of the top bunks and kind of goes into sentry mode. He doesn't actually need to sleep but he is watching the door.

A: Is he like motionless? That seems kind of creepy.

B: Yes it is. It's a tiny bit creepy.

A: cool. So Inara takes the top bunk furthest away from Tracey.

M [as Johnny]: Oh, you get used to it, Inara.

M: And then Johnny sits down on the bottom bunk in the empty one and just starts perusing his Book of Light.

E: In the middle of the night, you notice that a guard comes in with three bags, which are all of your adventuring bags with all your stuff in it. And he puts an object on a dresser that is on the other side of the room and he closes the door and leaves. And the next morning, day breaks, and... How long do you guys, how long do y'all sleep usually for? Let me know what your sleep schedule is! I need it for the fantasy.

[Laughter]

B: What's your circadian rhythm?

M: Oh boy. Good... Goodlight sleeps as long as it's dark outside. As soon as light reappears on the horizon you wake up, as if he knows.

A: Inara probably gets six, seven hours, as little as is necessary to function normally, and probably usually takes a nap around you know warmest part of the day, 2 or 3pm.

E: Just like my teenage years.

A: I mean, she's a little baby elf.

E: Aww, cute. Tracey, how long do you sentry for?

A: What is sentry mode? Do you need sleep?

B: No, I don't need sleep. I am in sentry mode until they awaken, until the first person wakes up.

M: Normally Goodlight and Tracey do calisthenics in the morning together as the sun rises.

A: [Whispers] Adorable.

M: Together. We would have noticed the object on the dresser, correct?

E: Oh yeah, you, Johnny, you get up with the light. And Tracey, I guess you wake up.

M: Before our morning tai chi, I'd love to take a look at that object.

E: Sure, it's a note, and it is kind of weighted down with a really small delicate paperweight that says “Alonzo and Greg are here to hold you down.” It is like engraved on the paperweight.

A: Oh my god, a wedding favor.

E: Yeah, it's a party favor!

B: That’s adorable

E: And underneath is a note and it says it's from Max, and it says,

E [as Maximillian]: Great job last night, you proved yourselves. But now it's time for me to prove myself! Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Haha. It's not a lot because I'm pretty quiet most of the time. Seriously though, stay put. I'll come get you later. Max.

E: And he signs his name with two X's and then he crosses out and signs it Max with three x's and then he crosses it out again and then writes max with one X.

M [as Johnny]: We've been ordered to stick around. I don't mind spending some time doing Tai Chi, but eventually I'm going to get out.

A [as Inara]: As long as they feed us I’m fine here.

B [as Tracey]: Does it feel like we're in another prison cell?

A [as Inara]: Good callback, Tracey. Yeah, someone... maybe one of us should go walk around and try to find Max?

B: Tracey walks over to the door and tries to open it. Is he successful?

E: No, the door is locked, dawg!

All: Oh nooo.

A: Inara pulls out her theives’ tools to try to pick open the door from the inside. DM, am I successful?

E: Why don't you... why don't you roll a dexterity. Are you proficient with theives’ tools?

A: I am, but i just rolled a crit fail.

E: Oh noo! As you try to break the lock open a nail file falls out of your theives’ tools and skitters underneath the doorframe. And you are also unsuccessful try to crack the lock. in fact, the lock, it’s like you hear it giggle a little bit.

[Laughter]

A: Laughing at my shame.

A [as Inara]: Well, sorry, guys. I guess I wasn't as successful as I hoped to be.

B [as Tracey]: That's okay.

B: So I think we have two options.

B [as Tracey]: I can ram it down if you want. Or we could just chill.

M: There's also a window, correct, in this room?

E: Correct. There's a window facing... it's kind of, like, facing the whole city. You’re on actually a pretty high floor. And you can see a lot of the the market, you get a really good view of that market where you got picked up in the first place. And even the day after the biggest wedding of the millennia, things are still bustling down there.

A [as Inara]: Why don't we give it like an hour, and then if nothing happens, we'll put Tracey here in a rage mode and get out of here.

M: We are how far up you say?

E: Hrm... You're pretty far up. I'd say you're about 30 feet off the ground.

M: So if we were to tie all the bedsheets from all six of the beds that are in that room... Johnny B. Goodlight begins to tie all the bedsheets together from the six beds in the room.

A [as Inara]: Listen, man, what are you doing? Like, like, if Max comes in the next couple of hours and wants to give us riches or something, like... He said he'd give us work and pay us and stuff. Like, we don't need to bust out of here super quick.

M [as Johnny]: That sounds great. I'd love to get some riches. Except we're stuck here right now and he could always find us again. In the meantime that's a bustling market town and I'm in the mood for some breakfast.

B: And Tracey starts helping tie the bedsheets together.

E: Well, while this Ocean's Eleven heist begins, I’ll give you more of a view of the scenery. The castle is kind of like this very big presence in the city, like as if it's an estate. So you're definitely, you can see you're pretty high up so you can see the market. But it is not right directly at your feet. There's still like a lawn and there's all this stuff out there, and then you have to go down the winding driveway and which leads out to the like the city proper, and there's like the other side of the railroad tracks and all that stuff. You know what I’m talking about.

B: So I’m, Tracey is just helping these bedsheets together. But in the back of his mind he's like

B [as Tracey]: Is this the right thing to do?

B: And he says to Johnny,

B [as Tracey]: You aren't thinking about, like, not serving our jail sentences, were you? Johnny?

M [as Johnny]: I do believe we were told, Tracey, that if we succeeded our prison sentence would be commuted. So if anything we shouldn’t be held right now, we're free to go.

B [as Tracey]: That's all I need to know!

B: And I open the window.

A [as Inara]: That's what I'm saying, guys! It's like, we are free to go. If we break out of here, then they could throw us back into the prison again. And like I spent five minutes here before we got arrested and I don't want to do that again.

M [as Johnny]: So, hold on. You're saying if we as free people decide to leave a place that we're being held against our will we're the bad guys?

B: I'm tying the bed sheets to the bed and throwing them out the window.

M [as Johnny]: If you want we could go instead to a different floor and escape that way and try to talk to people there.

B: I'm sitting on the bed and like gesturing with my head, like,

B [as Tracey]: Go go!

A [as Inara]: [Sighs] Okay, fine.

M [as Johnny]: I am concerned with how heavy you are. how heavy are you?

B [as Tracey]: I'm 270 pounds, give or take.

A [as Inara]: He can go last, man. We will figure it out.

B: I'm sitting on the bed so it'll stay stable while you guys go down the rope.

M: Johnny begins to position himself outside the window and is going to start shimmying his way down.

A: And Inara says,

A [as Inara]: Real quick, guys, can we just give it like 15 minutes? And if 15 minutes pass and, and no one comes, then we can escape!

M [as Johnny]: You have 15 minutes.

A [as Inara]: [Tentatively] Does anyone have a pair of cards?

[Laughter]

M: A pair of cards?

A: Oh, sorry, you guys haven't heard of the moon elf game called pair of cards? You each have one card to try to get to the old card is great. It's great. It’s a bag of laughs.

E: Tracey, after seeing Johnny kind of... are you back inside the window?

M: I am just holding myself and hanging out in that windowsill for the 15 minutes that Johnny has promised to wait.

A: I see you like a cat, like, butt poised up in the air, like ready to jump the thing.

M: We'll retcon that to be that, I would love for that to be the position Johnny's in.

E: All right, you guys just hanging out for 15 minutes.

A: Yeah. What happens then?

E: Yeah, no one no one shows up.

ALL: Okay, yeah, yep, let’s go.

[Laughter]

M: Johnny says, “Adios!” and just starts shimmying down. Does he pass by any windows as he does this?

E: Why don't you make an athletics check?

M: 14.

E: Okay. Yeah you are making your way down the rope. Is anyone following him?

A: Inara is going next.

E: Athletics.

A: I am 18 minus one, 17

E: Great, and Tracey...

A: Can Tracey wait until the two of us are are almost to the ground, just in case you're too heavy?

B: Yes, yes. So I'm going to scoot the bed over to the window kind of get in the sill and then bring the, I’m going to tie it to two feet of the bed, like retie it to two feet at the same time, and then bring the bed forward. So it's kind of like holding up against the wall. And then try to go down, so I get some extra support.

A: Sweet strategy man.

E: Dang. Okay, I'm going to say that you can probably do the... I trust that you can pick up that bed because you're a big strong robot man. But I...

B: [Tenderly] Hey. Thanks.

E: No problem. But what. Okay, I need something, you have to roll for the rope tying to make sure that the rope is secure. Okay, so I want to say that’s survival because that's what we said rope knots and knots were.

B: That'll be a crit 1.

ALL: OH NO!!

E: I'm going to remember this, this one. As you climb down you do pass, you do pass by an open window. And in the window is sitting, like right on the ledge, is a gargoyle with like three horns. And he is kind of perched, and actually has an open mouth, looking like a very sort of like goofy look that you were not expecting on a gargoyle. And as you're coming down you hear a humming sound. Johnny, what do you.... make a perception check.

M: Ten.

E: All right, you see the gargoyle, and you just hear the humming sound. Do you want to keep going?

M: Sounds like a humming, humming is great. I love hummings, hummings are a wonderful time. I'd love to continue going down.

E: All right, as you... all right. You got to get very close to the gargoyle in that area and it's actually next to an open window. And as you look in you will realize where the humming is coming from. These oversized hummingbirds flapping their wings as quickly as possible, just like floating in the air. And you realize this is a rookery for these hummingbird type creatures. Their feathers are actually like a muted off white and all of them make eye contact with you.

A: Oh my god... It's like being noticed by a swarm of bees.

M: I think back on my adventures in nature to perhaps recognize what they are.

E: Yes, you mind making a nature check?

M: 18.

E: You have seen these birds before. These are called Bumbleates, and Bumbleates are notoriously used in urban environments to carry letters and notes from all across cityscapes. They have this thing where they really love sugar water. So as long as you leave a bowl of sugar water outside on your doorstep or window sill the bumbleate will fly to it and it will bring your letter. Of course it's not perfect because like they just kind of go wherever there’s sugar water... but it's the best they’ve got. And they are also, like, they are super fast.

M: They're generally friendly creatures otherwise though?

E: Oh yeah they are. These things are very nicely tamed and they're used by people and humanoids.

B: Tracey yells down,

B [as Tracey]: Can I go now?

M [as Johnny]: Not quite yet, Tracey! Inara, there's no open window here. Want to play with some hummingbirds or you want to keep going?

[Laughter]

A [as Inara]: That seems kind of scary. Is there anything valuable in there, or shiny?

M [as Johnny]: Not quite, but if you want to take the stairs as opposed to doing this we can leave now or just keep going down

B [as Tracey]: There's hummingbirds?!

M [as Johnny]: There are indeed Tracey.

A [as Inara]: I'm good to keep going, I feel like we're to keep the Bumbleates probably is not a valuable part of the castle.

M: Then we continue down. How far away, how far away down are we? Like how many floors would you say.

E: You're about five, still have five stories up.

M: Johnny will continue going down, preparing himself if he comes across any the other windows to not be as conspicuous as he was the last two.

E: Right, as you, you're about to make your descent down, you hear a voice who says,

E [in heavy New York accent]: Hey, you're not going to stay a little bit longer? What am I, chopped liver, here? Eyyy.

M: Okay...

M [as Johnny]: Good. Good sir. Who, or where, or what...?

[Laughter]

A [as Inara]: Whence and wherefore, mister?

E [in heavy New York accent]: You've never seen a gargoyle before? Is this your first time?

M [as Johnny]: Gargoyle friend! Hey! How you doin?

E: And the gargoyle actually is, he starts to like move a little bit, like, shake himself off. Like, a little stiff.

E [as Gargoyle]: I've been sitting here for a little while now trying to find somebody to talk to. But you're just going to walk away. I mean that's fine by me. Okay.

M [as Johnny]: No, of course I won't leave. How are you. We could just stay here hanging out all day. Or if you want you could come off the wall help us down. And then we can all hang out. Just chit chat!

E [as Gargoyle]: I'm going to leave my Bumbleate colony like that?! Who do you think I am? You think I'm some kind of like other gasrgolye who does not care about his job and things?

A: So from above the gargoyle Inara looks down, is fairly freaked out, and says,

A [as Inara]: Mr. Gargoyle, from, from all your wisdom, and knowledge, intellect, and experience in this castle... can we really trust the Kikos? Are they good people, like, what's going on here?

E [as Gargoyle]: Oh Mr. Gargoyle, that was my father! Just call me Stoneface.

[Laughter]

M: Oh wow... hahaha

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: that's what my friends call me. I'm Stoneface.

A [as Inara]: So great to meet you.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Oh great to meet you too. Eyyyyy

[Laughter]

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: You know, I don't get a lot of visitors over here on this side of the other side of the Kiko castle, but you're throwing questions at me. You don't want to. You don't want to hang out, play with the birds?

M [as Johnny]: Well we are literally hanging out right now.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Good joke. Hahaha.

A: “Hahaha!” Inara laughs a little bit too loudly.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Ha ha. Okay. What are you what do you do with these bed sheets you've got going on? Eyyy?

M [as Johnny]: We just want some breakfast. And they didn't provide any, which I think is very rude.

A [as Inara]: Very rude, very rude.

M [as Johnny]: Where would you suggest in the town to go have some breakfast?

B [as Tracey]: Can I come down now?

M [as Johnny]: Not yet, Tracey!

A [as Inara]: Not yet, Tracey, not yet!

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Oh, who’s that? Sounds like a real fun fella.

M [as Johnny]: You'd be best friends with him.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Probably.

A [as Inara]: Super fun, super heavy, so he's not coming down yet. We really don't want to like let these bedsheets rip. Mr. Gargoyle, is there anything, like, cool inside? Past this rookery? Or should we just like keep going?

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Eyyy, this is the coolest place in the castle, the Bumbleate colony, if you want to drink some sugar water. I'll bet it's cool. And I also got some sandwiches!

[Confused laughter]

M: [Whispers in disbelief] Why does he have sandwiches?!

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Why do I have sandwiches, you ask? Well, a lot of the guards like to eat their lunch in here, and sometimes they leave it all here. I think I got some bananas as well. Eyyy. Or, you know, you could probably just fly over there, you know. I see my main man Alonzo, he's down there. I can fly over there for you and see what's going on.

E: Stoneface points with his wing down about like a hundred yards. And you see there's like kind of a makeshift, it looks like a training facility. Well, like it's outdoors, it’s just kind of like a lot of targets set up. And Alonzo is standing in the center of all of them. And even though you're kind of far away you can see he's like trying to concentrate on a bunch of them, and he's, like, has one of his arms outstretched. He's trying to, like... it's sort of like, push his energy towards them. And he, like, he's switching every once in a while.

M [as Johnny]: Hey, gargoyle.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Stone face, gargoyle is my father

M [as Johnny]: Hey stoneface, how would you feel if a 240 pound automaton fell on you?

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: I would dislike like that a lot. Thank you very much.

M [as Johnny]: Okay. That's just a question for me and not for... whatever

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Eyyy, why don't you guys just come inside?

M: Do we want one of these sandwiches? Because I'm not sure I want the sandwiches.

A: Pretty sure they're going to be covered in hummingbird excrement.

M: And they're probably super old.

B [as Tracey]: I'd like some sandwiches!

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Who's that guy. He sounds like a real good time, pal.

M [as Johnny]: You'll definitely become friends with him. But Stoneface, would it be easier if you met us? I know, we will move down there. But you know, you could meet us there so that we don't have to, you know, expend so much energy just hanging around. And you, and we can talk and all that.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Well... where am I going? I don't understand. I don't know to say what's happening. I just want you guys to come inside and eat these sandwiches!

A [as Inara]: Okay. Great to meet you Mr. gargoyle.

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Mr. Gargoyle was my father!

A [as Inara]: [Quickly] I’m so sorry, Stoneface, Stoneface.

[Laughter]

A [as Inara]: Johnny, I don't want this bed sheet to rip under me. Let's go to the ground let's go find Alonzo wherever he is.

M [as Johnny]: Stoneface. You and I are friends now. You can catch me any time.

M: And I hand him a business card and I continue going down.

E: Real quick, what does the business card say?

M: “Johnny B. Goodlight, magic user and light bringer extrodinare.” And a little rune that I'm sure that if he touched it would maybe give me a little scratch on the back of my neck so I would know that he was trying to talk to me.

E: And you can scan it, using snap chat as a QR code?

M [as Johnny]: Yeah yeah yeah, there's a QR code.

B [as Tracey]: Guys, I’m coming down.

M: We continue down though. Sure.

E: All right, I'm going to say that Johnny is like 15 feet off the ground and Inara is about, maybe like right above him, like 20 feet off the ground. All right, Tracey, let's get this crit one going. Okay. You hoist yourself down on this bed sheet rope that you got, that you've got going on. And you did not do a very good job at doing the rope, tying it off. In fact, much like the lock before, this knot goes, he goes, "Hee hee!" and falls apart. And as you, as you jump out of the window, you watch the bedsheets unwind. And as you are pulling them on with your 250 pounds of wood and metal the bed sheet comes apart. And all of you are falling.

B [as Tracey]: Oh, no.

A [as Inara]: Oh, man.

M [as Johnny]: TRACCCYYYYYY

E [as Stoneface the Gargoyle]: Eyyyyy.

(music)

E: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.

M: The party doesn’t stop here! Make sure you catch the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Just tap the next episode in your podcast feed.

B: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at hitusup@jointhepartypod.com.

A: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.

E: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.