If you can't stand the heat, get out of the alchemy room. Or at least get under a table and let our heroes fight shadows and a magical gun! Johnny feels blue. Tracey plays a matador. Inara makes a disguise.
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Amanda: Last time on Join the Party
Eric: With some quick thinking and animal friends,
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, you guys want some food?
Eric: The party is back on solid ground. In the alchemy room with cool teens Tammy and Taylor,
Eric (as Taylor): Tammy! They’re coming for the snacks!
Eric (as Tammy): Taylor! Don’t let them take the snacks!
Eric: it was chop or be chopped during a potions challenge
Amanda: I sprinkle some parsley on top! God, god, gotta have some textural and colorful elements! Come on!
Eric: They had to put judgement on ice when Inara, Tracey, and Johnny protect the teens and Alonzo from shadows and a magical gun. FIGHT. ITEM. POKEMON. RUN. Let’s get the party going!
(Theme music plays)
(Medium-tempo percussion and spooky music starts)
Eric: The gun is trained at Alonzo and the shadows are advancing from both walls they are coming closer and closer. And there are some spooky biz. Let's roll for initiative.
Eric: You are all in the alchemy room. As I explained before, you were in the center of the room surrounding some tables and around the cauldron. The shadows are kind of advancing from either side, one all the way on the left and one all the way on the right. The gun is kind of like in the far right corner. And Inara you are facing the gun and the mage hand is over there, closing the door. Some other things just to remind you is that the two potions that you made have been plated. There is the lycanthropy potion. Half of it has berries in it, and the other half does not. And the mind-reading spell with the roots is in the other one. Tammy and Taylor, as soon as they saw the shadows, they hid, kind of like under the tables behind you. And Alonzo is in your general area and he is holding onto his medallion in an aggressive stance. Inara you are first in the initiative, what are you gonna do?
Amanda: I'm going to cast mage hand again and try to push the rifle up toward the ceiling.
Eric: Okay. So we're going to do a strength contest.
Eric: I'm going to roll for strength for the gun and you're going to roll strength for you representing the mage hand and we’re gonna see what happens.
Amanda: It's a 15 minus 1.
Eric: Well I rolled a crit one. So I think you got it.
Eric: All right. The Mage Hand comes out and just pushes the gun towards the ceiling.
Amanda: To be clear, the shooting end of the gun is pointing up toward the ceiling, not like the whole gun itself sort of points out?
Eric: The mouth of the gun, You know how guns have body parts?
Brandon: I think it's called a barrel.
Eric: Like I said the mouth of a gun, is pointed totally to the sky. And the Mage Hand actually tickles the gun a little bit and it goes: "Hee-Hee"
Amanda: Okay. Great.
Eric: Are you going to move?
Amanda: Yes, I'd like to stand between the shadow and Taylor.
Eric: Okay. You're going to go over to the left which is the, I'm going to call it shadow one. And Taylor is under that table. All right, next is the gun. And you have pushed the mouth of the gun all the way up. It is still going to try to fire at Alonzo but it is having a lot of problems so I am going to give it disadvantage on the shot. (Rolls) Ugh... The gun still, even though it is nowhere near trying to shoot Alonzo, shoots all the way up and Buckshot kind of like lands in the ceiling with a loud bang. No one got hurt. We all good.
(Woo's and whooping)
Eric: You can hear someone outside go: "Hey are there fireworks?" Coming up next is Alonzo. Alonzo stares at one of the shadows, the one to his right, and he holds out a hand and he says:
Eric (as Alonzo): I'm going to do it. I'm going to do Ice Knife.
Eric: And he holds out his hand and he concentrates really hard and he holds on to the medallion... and nothing happens. And that is his turn. Tracey go ahead.
Brandon: I haven't really sensed any like horrible danger yet, so Tracey is not keen to use his last rage. but it is his first turn so he's going to try to recklessly attack this shadow closer to him, which is the shadow on the right.
Brandon: So he's going to pull out a javelin from his pack and try to hurl it at the shadow. So my attack role is a 17.
Eric: Oh yeah that hits that thing! Roll for damage.
Brandon: So I rolled a six plus one, so seven points of damage.
Eric: Cool. All right. The javelin kind of hits the shadow right in the center of it, it’s a very good throw. But you notice it like, it kind of does like, that the shadowed flesh kind of like moves out of the way a little bit? And like it dodges it? And it is resistant to, I guess this is piercing damage. So it only takes three points of damage
Brandon: and just a heads up, so I've got advantage on that with my reckless attack. So attack rules against me until my next turn have advantage.
Eric: Ok cool. Next up is Johnny.
Michael: I'm going to cast Sacred Flame. It’s an at-will cantrip, it's instant, It's great. You have to succeed on the dex saving throw.
Eric: Which one are you doing it at?
Michael: I'm going to do it at the one that Tracey fired at.
Eric: Okay. It rolled 13.
Michael: 14. So you take one d8 radiant damage plus a charisma thing that's going to happen.
Eric: Oh no.
(Everyone laughs at bad rolling by Michael's Part)
Michael: Ahhh gooood... Well, I rolled a 1 on damage but that's fine. I get the plus 4 for 5 damage.
Eric: All right.
Michael: Radiant Damage
Eric: Radiant Damage. You hurl a very beautiful flame at this thing and it takes five damage, but this thing does not like your holiness. So the light kind of like, it's like you are shining a film projector at like really bad film and then it kind of like crackles through and that thing takes 10 damage and it is looking bad news for that thing.
Michael: Nice, nice nice nice.
Eric: All right, next up is Tammy and Taylor. They poke their heads out and they run over to the card cabinets and they each grab a component from either one and then they go back under their respective tables and they're both kind of like looking at the thing that they're holding. It is the shadow’s turn. So the shadow that is having a bad time is going to go over and attack Tracey. So it's going to do a melee weapon attack against you. It has advantage. I just rolled a 22. So that hits you right?
Brandon: (Facetiously) Let me check my AC real fast...
Brandon: Yeah I think it does yeah.
Eric: All right. So the one that's like still kind of like speckling from the light wraps its arms around you and you're going to take... 10 points of damage. your strength score is also reduced by 1. That reduction is going to stay until you finish your rest. Your strength is sapped from you. Also, the other one is going to jump out at Alonzo and it rolled a critical failure. (Laughing)
Amanda: Wassup, shadow?!?!
Michael (as Johnny): You, shadow can't handle the light.
Amanda (as Inara): Yea man you can't handle it, man, what!
Brandon: Tracey is over kind of like, rubbing his wounds a little bit. He's not he's not super happy about it.
Eric: He also feels a little tired?
Brandon: He does feel a little tired.
Eric: He's a little sleepy boy.
Brandon: Yeah he's a little fatigued.
Eric: The other shadow actually trips over itself somehow. And then it looks down, and you can literally see him thinking:
Eric (as shadow): "I don't have feet."
Eric: And you see him shrug. And we are back to the top of the order. Inara, remember you have the two shadows, one that is looking real bad, one that has just tripped over itself, and the gun. I'm going to say now the mage hand is no longer pushing it, its barrel up to the sky.
Amanda: So Inara dives under the table that Taylor is under and says,
Amanda (as Inara): I saw you guys grab something from the card catalog. What did you guys grab? Can I help you?
Eric (as Taylor): Yeah I wasn't really paying attention but I think I got the thing that I needed.
Eric: And Taylor holds out his hand and there are these like orange colored leaves. They're crackly and look a little bit brittle. And he says,
Eric (as Taylor): Yeah, these are uh. These are rusted leaves. I think this turns into a rust spell. It will just turn metal and just really really mess up that gun. But I mean I don't want to go out there and mix up the, mix the bowl. all the components
Amanda (as Inara): I'll do it man, don't worry. What do I have to do? Do I just like throw it at it? Like, like you know powder it and blow it?
Eric (as Taylor): Yeah. Okay. So you need to take a bowl and powder it in there and then use the other component and then you have to put some sort of fire under it. That's that's how we make all the potions usually.
Amanda: All right so Inara is going to grab a mortar and pestle from on top of the table that they're under. And yoink it back under the table so she can quickly crack up those leaves. Taylor can blow on the bottom of it his fire breath and then I'll fricken throw that Molotov cocktail into the gun.
Eric: Okay. Two things.
Eric: One remember you need both components, you need the actual component they need the modifier to make the potion which Tammy has. And I'm going to make you do a slight of hand check to see if the gun notices what you just did.
Amanda: Gladly. That's a 12 + 3 for 15
Eric: Yeah. Okay you just kind of like, you very stealthily like reach your hand up and like look around
Amanda: Looney Toons style.
Eric: You look around for all of the Mortar and Pestles and you grab it and you start to crush the leaves in there.
Amanda (as Inara): Tammy. Tammy throw your ingredient over here.
Eric: And Tammy looks up and will do that on her turn.
Eric: Tight. So it's now the gun’s turn. The gun is now trained on Johnny because it is not happy about what he did to the shadow. And the gun... does a six.
Michael: Hey guess what? Thirteen.
Eric: Yeah. All right the gun loads itself up and you feel the ballast kind of like fly over to the side. It also hits a bunch of beakers and bowls and stuff and just kind of shatters all of them on one of the tables. It's Alonzo's turn so Alonzo has actually gone under the table and is over with Tammy and he like calls for the bowl. And Inara why don't you make it a dexterity throw. See if you can like throw it over.
Amanda: I've got a five plus five for ten.
Michael: It’s bad isn't it. oh dear.
Eric: Well definitely you like try to skitter the bowl over there but it goes out from under the table. Alonzo has to go out and grab it. And one of the shadows notices that he's under there. And he actually combines the other modifier into it and he grinds it up.
Michael: Which shadow noticed? Was it the one that was radiant damaged or the other?
Eric: It was the other one.
Michael: Hrmmm ok.
Eric: Yeah. And Tracey it's your turn again.
Brandon: Tracey wants to go across the room and try to grapple with the gun and try to take control of it and try to become its new owner.
Eric: Oh hell yeah I'll get let's do a strength contest.
Brandon: I rolled a 9.
Eric: Uhhh, a 9 in total?
Eric: Well that gun really messed up, it rolled like a five.
Eric: So you (chuckles), what are you doing with this gun?
Brandon: So Tracey is going to run over to the gun and he's going to put his left hand on the barrel and his right hand on the butt of it and he's going to try to like wrestle it out of its current position and definitely aiming away from everyone and then try to like put it under his kind of like the wing of his arm and hold it straight to his body. And then he's going to try to like unload any shells that are still in the gun.
Eric: Okay you definitely have control of it. Why don't you roll arcana to see if you're able to even do it?
Brandon: I rolled a 17.
Eric: Oh YEAH you pop these magical shells out and this gun is unhappy. You can even feel it like kind of frown under your arm.
Brandon: I kind of like, pet it, like,
Brandon (as Tracey): It's going to be fine.
Eric: All right, Jonathan. Go ahead.
Michael: Johnny casts burning hands. It's a sheet of flames that come out from my fingertips presumably towards both shadows. They have to make a dexterity save.
Eric: Both of them?
Eric: Tight. One of them got a 10 and one of them got a 9.
Michael: So they both have been hit by the flames. And they take... 18 damage.
Eric: Oh my god.
Michael: And any flammable object not worn or carried are ignited.
Eric: The flames come off your hands and it envelops both of the shadows. The one that was really bad off, it just kind of like pops and just disappears from existence. The other one.. how much... it was 18?
Michael: 18. Yes.
Eric: It only takes nine damage. For something that is such like a crazy wall of fire, it actually kind of shakes it off and it is doing okay. It definitely took some damage but it is not like the smoldering burst of shadow. I'm also going to say that you are in an alchemy lab and you just lit a bunch of stuff on fire.
Michael: Good with me.
Eric: Three potions explode. But you only get hit with one of them and you take… (Rolls) You take seven points of damage and you glow a little bit blue. Your whole body goes blue.
Michael: Hey, as long as I'm glowing and it's light, I'm good with that!
Eric: You're glowing a little bit blue.
Brandon: That's great!
Eric: All right. it is Tammy and Taylor’s turn and using the poultice that Alonzo has made up and it is now Tammy, lights it up underneath there. And Tammy kind of jumps out and has the bowl like locked and loaded to throw. She says
Eric (as Tammy): Tracey heads up!
Eric: and she tosses the potion in your direction, like at the gun.
Brandon: Okay. So what Tracey does is kind of flips the gun out a little bit right in the path of the potion.
Eric: Cool. I'm going to give her advantage because that was really cool... The rust potion hits it right in the side and you see immediately rust is spreading all through the gun and it is very quickly corroding, and it is actually kind of like falling apart in your hands.
Brandon: Uh, Tracey takes like three big steps back because he is like 70 percent iron.
Eric: Oh yeah that’s probably a good idea.
Michael: You did toss it so that's good.
Eric: Yeah you... it was like skeet shoot, you threw it in the air.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Eric: And you walk away and that gun, that gun is done.
Eric: And so now you have one shadow left and that one shadow is very unhappy with one Jonathan B. Good. And it is going to do a strength drain on 'cha boy.
Eric: Yeah. That's a seven... He tries to get its spoopy hands around you and it does not. Inara it’s back to you.
Amanda: Well I got nothing except my rapier and my daggers, so I am going to thrust my rapier into what I think to be the heart of the shadow.
Eric: Sure. Do it.
Amanda: So I got a 16, what do I add to it?
Eric: So here's what you do. You add your Dexterity and then you add your proficiency because you are proficient with a rapier.
Amanda: So I rolled a 16 plus 5 dexterity. And then what else?
Eric: Plus 2.
Brandon: That's a plus seven?!
Eric: Yeah. Oh yeah. You slice this bad boy up.
Amanda: So for damage, I rolled an 8 plus 3. My dex modifier 4 and 11.
Eric: You know what this thing is really messed up and that was a really good roll. You want to do something cool when you kill this thing?
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: What you want to do? What do you do to it as you slash your rapier through it?
Amanda: Well, A: I want to have done a like a curly Q rapier motion, like twist the blade around a bunch before poking into the shadow. And then as it explodes or dissolves or whatever I want to yell,
Amanda (as Inara): Take that, shadow! Try to come back here again. No, you can't!
Brandon: If I heard that I would never come back again.
Eric: If I was a shadow I'd be like, I don't want to go back in there again
Amanda (as Inara): That's right, goodbye! Inara Harthorn, remember this name, bye, double bye, goodbye forever. Back to the pits of hell you go!
Eric: And Tammy and Taylor while they are down there, they poke their heads up and they go:
Eric (as Tammy and Taylor): Brap Brap, Get it! Brap! This is lit!
Amanda (as Inara): They are the young cousins I never had
Michael: This is Undyingly Lit.
Brandon: Oh I like that a lot.
Eric: Hey hey hey. Party. You. You just did your first encounter! You did it!!!
Michael (as Johnny): It is done. We, friends, have vanquished these enemies of the light. Friends, you have done well. The Undying light smiles on all of us today. Praise the undying light.
Amanda (as Inara): Are you trying to, like, recruit me for something man? Because we're already kind of like in the shit together.
Michael (as Johnny): You've been recruited since the day you were born.
Amanda (as Inara): That's kind of creepy dude. I'm like 20. And you're like 4400.
Michael (as Johnny): You did well. I'm proud of you.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey Johnny can you read that verse again for me.
Eric: (Muttering) Oh man...
Michael (as Johnny): Chapter Three. Book seven of the book of light. Yea the shadows they be upon us. Tho we fight ever after, they will be destroyed by my hand and yours. All praise the undying light.
Brandon: Tracey's wonder sensors are just off the charts.
Michael: It's also obvious that as he was doing this verse from the book of light a lot of magical light and color spray and lights were just coming out of his fingertips
Brandon: Of course, and Tracey...
Michael: And he's glowing blue!
Brandon: and Tracey is almost levitating at this point.
Amanda: Inara is running over to the mortar and pestle which are on the floor I assume kind of maybe broken or overturned or something? And I want to try to save what I can of this rust spell cause it’s pretty dope.
Eric: Sure, okay. Why don't you grab a vial? And why don't you roll just roll a d20 to see how much you get.
Eric: Yeah there's enough to fill up half a vial of the rust potion.
Brandon: So Tracey wants to take his bedroll out of his pack and roll up whatever's left of the gun, I think it's probably just like the wood and the butt at this point. But he wants to roll that up into his bedroll and put it into his pack for safe keeping.
Amanda: And Inara runs over to Alonzo and says
Amanda (as Inara): Are you okay dude? It seems like everyone really wants to kill you in every part of this castle, man.
Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah, yeah I don't like that a lot.
Eric: Alonzo actually looks down at his hands again and he's kind of like been clenching and unclenching them like ever since the battle kind of wound down and then he looks down at the necklace and he looks at all of you and he says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Did I hit any anything? Did I just, I missed it? Did I hit one?
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah, you did real good.
Amanda (as Inara): Nah, man, you did not.
Michael (as Johnny): My friend. You certainly tried. And that's definitely the first step. We've seen power in you. What's the deal with that necklace? What's the deal with you? We… how… I'm an accomplished spellcaster. How can we help you?
Eric (as Alonzo): Uh, this… Johnny, I appreciate it but this really isn't about you.
Michael (as Johnny): Whether or not it's about me is beside the point. I want to help you. You wanted to help us in that battle. What happened?
Eric: He kind of like grumbles to himself a little bit and he says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah, that's what I thought. You know, I have to go see Kohl. Have any of you ever seen a devil before? Well, you will today.
(Ominous music leads into midroll break)
Eric: Hey, it's Eric! Sometimes, you’re running around all day, you have errands, phone calls, coffee dates, work, school, whatever. And it is summer in the northern hemisphere so we’re all hot and sweaty all over. And you realize, in the middle of everything, you have ten minutes to spare, so you walk around a big box store just for the industrial AC. This is the AC unit. We’re on power save mode.
For this midroll, I want to shout out all the different communities we have going. Our first is our Patreon community. We have more new patrons since our last episode: Tim, Evan, TiredHorse, Sonya, and Hans! Tim and Horse are $20 Party Legends, we will tell tales of them in bbqs, luaus, and themed get-togethers for years to come. They get every single episode two days early and we will make them a customized gift, just like Seth and Alex will get as well.
We also have a new feature for our patrons: we’ve added a Discord channel! For anyone who doesn’t know, Discord is a chat service where we all get together on the Internet and just hang out. And it is amazing. We’ve talked about homebrewed D&D, game tales, when the new episodes are coming out, X Files trash-posting, everything. It is my favorite. So if you want to join, all you have to do is donate! What are you waiting for? Join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
And then there’s our twitter @JoinThePartyPod. We have a vibrant community and growing fast, and we would love to hear from you. It makes my heart grow like 10 sizes every time someone shouts us out or gives us a new follow or just tweets the dumb stuff they do in their party. Someone told us about like a soap cactus today? I don’t even understand, but it’s amazing. If you already follow, recommend us to a friend on Twitter. And if you don’t, just come on over and try it! The water is fine.
Finally I just want to shout out our community of fan artists. Thistle Raven, Stjep, and Irrel. You have brought our imaginary creations to life and it is awe-inspiring. Really awe-inspiring. Like, we can’t get over it. Thank you so much for your skill, your dedication, and your enthusiasm. We love fanart! Please keep it coming. If you have a doodle, or a headcanon, or a question to share, find @jointhepartypod on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. We’ve got a handy dandy email form on our website, jointhpartypod.com, or you can skip all that and e-mail us at email@example.com. Drop us a note! Say hi!
Finally, this is the part of the show where we shout out a family member of ours to get them to listen to podcasts. This is for my mom, Rita May. Mom. You listened to episode 1, I know you have it in you. If you make it to this episode and tell me that you hear this note, I will buy a plane ticket to Nashville to see you. Promise. Just listen to the show. Pleaaase. You’ve read the Hobbit! I know you like fantasy! Just do it. Like, your son is involved. Come on. This is pretty close.
All right, let's get back to the party.
(Music leading back to show)
Amanda (as Inara): What does that mean, maaaan?!
Amanda (as Inara): Alonzo, what do you mean? Like, what were you doing outside today on the quad?
Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah, you all saw before. I have no idea how the medallion works. No idea. I thought that… I… everyone keeps telling me that I'm a sorcerer now? Like I try to explain this stuff to Greg, like, to my dad, to Max, and they all keep telling me that I'm like the sorcerer that like my family foretold? It all has something to do with my medallion, like the lore surrounding… Like, I mean, there's a reason why we're the most powerful family in Fidapolis. I don't know, it's something to do with that. I need to find out which is why I need to see Kohl.
Eric: All right, why don’t you make a history check because this time he said lore.
Michael: Perfect I can do that, 16 plus 2.
Eric: All right. You have never heard any mention of a medallion in your studies of the Concentric States but you do know that the Kikos have gone back a millennium. In fact, they were one of the first families that settled the Concentric States, that like actually established them. And a millennium ago, like everyone in this entire continent knows that like something big happened. And then after that happened, the Concentric States were formed and the Kikos have been around since then.
Michael: So it doesn't surprise me that this is part of the Kikos and it also makes sense that this is something that probably existed before the bulk of modern history.
Eric (as Alonzo): So I need to figure out what it is. I don't even in the giant library in this castle there is not enough to tell me, no one will tell me what this thing does. I think people know, and I don't know if you saw, like… everyone I'm actually close to is totally wrapped up in this big meeting. And I need to get out.
Michael (as Johnny): I promise to do whatever I can to help you find out what that is and help you unlock your true potential.
Amanda (as Inara): And I know what it's like to leave your family and try to make an identity on your own. So if you want to strike out and try something or go talk to someone who might know what you have in your power, we're here for you.
Brandon: Tracey goes,
Brandon (as Tracey): Wha?
Brandon: and he is rifling through the books on the bookshelf.
(Sound effects of fire crackling and potions bubbling play softly under dialogue)
Eric (as Alonzo): Thank you. Thank. Thanks guys. All right well I guess you're with me right? You're with me?
Michael (as Johnny): Of course.
Amanda (as Inara): I guess.
Brandon (as Tracey): What?
Eric: All right. So
Brandon (as Tracey): I mean yeah!
Eric (as Alonzo): you're going to break me, All right we're breaking me out of here. I need to go to the market. Kohl is this devil thing, he is this guy. I've met him a bunch of times. Sometimes I sneak out like off of the compound. So I go on the market and I know it's like a whole thing of like a rich guy like going out like hanging out with the paupers. But like I really like the market and everything that's happening there. And I need to go see him. He works down there and he's the smartest guy? He's not a guy. I guess... I don't know. He has the most books of anyone I know. And I got to get down there.
Brandon: and Tracey who turns around and goes,
Brandon (as Tracey): Books?
Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah, yeah yeah Tracey, books.
Brandon (as Tracey): Sold!
Amanda: Sounds like he's down to party, man.
(Upbeat percussion and groovy guitar starts playing)
Eric (as Alonzo): All right. Here's the plan. So I need all of you to seek me out somehow. The market. I mean, I just got married. Everyone knows I just got married and I need you to help disguise me and protect me when we're out there. I know how to get out of here. There is a back staircase that leads me out of the castle. Its kind of like a back way, like it is out towards the stables. like it's an easier way to access the animals and stuff. The only problem is...
Eric: He clenches his jaw for a second.
Eric (as Alonzo): I have to go past Nessie. Nessie doesn't like me at all.
Brandon (as Tracey): Nessie likes everyone!
Eric (as Alonzo): Tracey...
Brandon (as Tracey): N… Nessie... likes everyone?
Eric (as Alonzo): Nessie does not like everyone. He does not like me at all. And hers is like the big... she has like a whole floor down there. It's like her loft, and she is like beanbag chairs and stuff down there.
Amanda: (Snort of laughter)
Eric (as Alonzo): The easy part is going to be sneaking, but getting past Nessie that's the hard part. Once we get past her we will be out of there. And it seems like everyone is concentrated in that meeting, of everybody. But once you do that I think we can do it.
(Music fades; fire and potion noises return)
Amanda (as Inara): So does Nessie hate you or werewolves more?
Eric: Alonzo is is dumbstruck by this question.
Amanda (as Inara): Because like I have a lycanthropy potion man. I just made it. Who knows what it does. I don’t know!
Eric (as Alonzo): I am not. Becoming. A werewolf.
Amanda (as Inara): Just throwing it out there man. Just checking. Okay.
Amanda: And then Inara goes over to the table to pour the lycanthropy potions, one with berries, one without, into two jars or vials that she finds.
Eric: Okay. Yeah.
Michael (as Johnny): I believe that we can take care of the Nessie problem and you'll walk by her without a problem.
Eric (as Alonzo): Don't kill her.
Michael (as Johnny): No!
Eric (as Alonzo): Don't kill Nessie!
Michael (as Johnny): No!
Eric (as Alonzo): You know like everyone else loves Nessie!
Michael (as Johnny): No!
Eric (as Alonzo): You're weird dude. You’re weird.
Michael (as Johnny): We would never kill her we would only kill you. And by kill you, I mean make you--the you that she knows--disappear, and introduce a new you.
Amanda (as Inara): It's like sublimation of the id, man. It’s a metaphor.
Michael (as Johnny): Yeah. I think the common parlance is disguise. I don't know. Uh...
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey Johnny, that was the worst way you could have said that.
Michael (as Johnny): You're right. I'm a little distracted. Those shadows really messed me up.
Brandon (as Tracey): But you do have a point.
Michael (as Johnny): With some magic, I believe we can make you passable.
Eric: Cool. All right. Yeah let's do it. Okay.
Amanda: All right, so Inara busts out her disguise kit and we're going to make Alonzo look like James.
Eric: What do you do.
Amanda: So we're going to put some like pigment on his face to make him look more like James. We're going to add some fake hair to his chin to make you know beard that we can stick some roses into, and put some like darkish pigment in his hair because James' hair is darker than Alonzo's.
Michael: Johnny casts prestidigitation to create wind. It's a harmless sensory effect. Wind and odor combined. He is now expelling an odor that is as similar to James as possible.
Eric: Cool. Yeah. Alonzo goes over to the locker and opens it up and he pulls out a vase with flowers in it and a robe that is resembling one of the nice linen robes that James was wearing before, and he kind of wraps himself around in it a stick some flowers in the fake beard that you all have made. And he's like,
Eric (as Alonzo): All right, I'm going to try this
Eric (as Alonzo pretending to be James, badly): Hey I'm James. Nice to meet you.
Brandon (as Tracey): Nailed it.
Amanda (as Inara): Hey James, do you like to party?
Eric (as Alonzo pretending to be James, still badly, in a robotic voice): I do like to party. I am a party monster.
Amanda (as Inara): Good good. Good try. Good try. Let's try it again. Hey James do you like to party?
Eric (as Alonzo pretending to be James, wow... worse than before): The party monster man I am party.
Eric (as Alonzo in regular voice): Oh no, I forgot how to speak!
Amanda (as Inara): Okay, one last time let's let's just try saying like, “Yeah, dude.” Okay. All right. Try again.
Eric (as Alonzo): Okay. Uh... Line? Line!
Amanda (as Inara): Let's do it once. Let's do it once more to practice. "Yeah dude."
Eric (as Alonzo pretending to be James, better but still not great): Yeah. Yeah dude.
Amanda: James, do you like to party?
Eric (as Alonzo pretending to be James, PERFECT!): Yeah dude I fucking love to party.
Eric (as Alonzo): Hey, I got it that time.
Amanda (as Inara): Oh man!
Eric (as Alonzo): All right. yeah I think we can do it. it sounds good. All right. I know where to go. Yeah I feel good. I think I think I got it.
Brandon (as Tracey): Let's do it.
Eric (as Alonzo): All right.
Amanda: So before we go out Inara is just going to grab the lycanthropy potion both the with and without berries version, and the potion on Tammy's/Tracey's table.
Eric: Yeah the mind reading potion.
Amanda: Yep, just in the whatever, you know, clay jars or glass vials that they can put in.
Eric: Sure. Okay so that means you have all three. You have both Lycanthropy potions, the rust potion and the mind reading potion.
Amanda: I do.
Michael (as Johnny): Taylor, Tammy: May the underlying light protect you.
Eric (as Tammy): You're still super weird. Yeah. Okay bye.
Michael (as Johnny): You were the closest friends I've ever had. other than everyone else I've said is my closest friend.
Eric (as Tammy): That’s super lame, old old guy. OKay bye. I mean I still have to clean up. You made so much explode. You glow blue.
Michael (as Johnny): You're welcome.
Amanda (as Inara): Stay cool, kids.
Eric: Both of them do finger guns at Inara
Amanda: Yeah! I'm cool with the teens.
Brandon: So as everyone is walking out and they kind of have their back turned to Tracey because he's in the back of the room. He's going to very deftly as he's trying to walk forward put his hand behind his back and grab the draconic book that he couldn't read earlier and throw it in his pack.
Eric: Okay. Why don't you make a sleight of hand.
Brandon: I rolled a 19.
Eric: Yeah. It's very heavy. But you still managed to like palm it and you drop in your bag.
Brandon: And I walk out the door.
Eric: Nice. You all walk out into the hallway and you take a right, away from the rooms that you saw in the first place. You walk by the rookery and you see a big door that actually leads down a bunch of stairs. You are walking down the stairs and like you predicted, some people do see Alonzo being James. Bunch of people of the court, people you recognize from the wedding, some of those guests. There's even the half elf with the biphasal sleep and the half elf is like, "All right!" and just keeps walking. And it's actually it's going pretty well. They don't even look at Johnny, who’s still glowing blue. And you actually you walk downstairs, and you are actually kind of on the same level where you all started in the basement dungeon area like where the prisons are. But like when you were going to take a right where the prison is, you actually hang a left, and you go into a very large room. It smells like animals but you don't see any horses or livestock or anything. You just see in the big room in the middle is Nessie, who is pawing at a very large tire on a rope swing. And is just kind of like batting it, and then it goes away and comes back, and bats it and it goes away and comes back.
Eric (as Alonzo, voice echoing slightly): (Sigh) Yeah. Okay let's do it. What do we. What do we do?
Michael: Before he says anything, Johnny casts dancing lights on the other side of the tire that Nessie is playing with to create another version of the mini Nessie he had created before. So it looks like Nessie is playing with another thing.
Eric: (Laughs) Sure. Okay. Nessie looks up and sees Nessita again--
Eric: --and does wander over to Nessita and actually tries to like bring the tire along like play with Nessita a little bit.
Eric: I want to give you a lay of the room. on the total other side of the room like you need to cross Nessie to get there. There are these big stable double doors, kind of like in the great hall, like those big double doors before? And that is the only door opening.
Michael: Johnny begins to walk forward confidently, feeling confident that his light has illuminated the room in the form of Nessita has sufficiently done enough.
Eric: Are you… just… you're just walking?
Amanda: The three of us are in a triangle with Alonzo in the middle of us trying to make sure that we minimize his impact to the outside world. And Inara's rapier is drawn a little bit
Brandon: And we're kind of scuttling along.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Michael: Perhaps… perhaps Johnny isn't taking point.
Brandon: Yeah. Tracey is at the top of the triangle.
Eric: I want all of you to roll stealth checks and Alonzo will do the same. Uh, Jonathan…
Michael: I know, I know…
Eric: I want you to roll a disadvantage because you are a blue light man.
Michael: Don't worry I rolled both a 3 and a 2. So let's see what that stealth does.
(Laughter at Michael's misfortune)
Michael: That's four and five.
Amanda: I got to 16 plus 5 for a 21. So Inara is stealthy AF.
Eric: You're like doing ninja rolls and stuff.
Amanda: Inara is just your stealthy little rogue girl.
Eric: I like how Tracey is taking point and you are the one to roll a 21 out here.
Brandon: (Sassily) Let's see my roll and then we'll see because I got to 19 so maybe I'm just stealthy too.
Eric: Hey listen 21 is still more than a 19.
Michael: Hey listen I'm behind all of them even though I was not stealthy with a solid... four.
Eric: Alonzo rolled an 18. All of you are sneaking as well as possible. And then, Johnny, you feel a tickling in your nose.
Michael (as Johnny): Hee Hee! Hee hee hee! (Devolves into mouse-like squeaking noises)
Amanda: Oh no.
Eric: I don't know. It's like the bear dander or the owl dander.
Michael (as Johnny, voice echoing slightly): I thought i took my Flonase today! (LOUD SNEEZE)
Eric: And Nessie looks up and looks at all four of you opens their mouth and goes: RAWWWR.
Brandon: Tracey looks at them all in the eye and goes,
Brandon (as Tracey): All right... (sighs)
(Groovy percussion music begins again)
Brandon: And pulls out his help horn, runs across the room while blowing it and then pulls his maroon cape in front of him as if he's egging Nessie on.
Eric: Like a matador? You're an owl bear matador.
Brandon: I am an owl bear matador.
Eric: Why don't you do a performance check.
Brandon: Uh, 13.
Eric: Yeah. Nessie charges you. She looks up she sees your cape flapping and she goes, “BRAAHHW!” She charges you. Let's make a dex saving throw to jump out of the way.
Brandon: I rolled a 14.
Eric: Oh yeah. You hop out of the way man.
Brandon: Oh Yeah!
Eric: There you go. And your cape whooshes as as Nessie goes by.
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh, run! Go for the door!
Michael: Johnny breaks into a dead sprint.
Michael: Just getting away from everyone. And in fact as he does, he starts moving Nessita closer towards where Nessie is with a swish of his hand, so that Nessita is between him and Nessie.
Amanda: And Inara is right after you, ushering Alonzo as quickly as he can run in the heavy James robes toward the door.
Eric: Yeah, you're huffing it and all three of you make it to the door. All right. Nessie is primed to run into you again.
Eric: She is, she is literally even like scratching her paw at the ground.
Brandon: So when Nessie missed the first time I kind of did a semicircle, and now I am positioned between the tire and Nessie. I want to shake my cape again and trying to get her to charge, and I'm holding my cape right in front of the tire.
Eric: Alright why don't you do another performance check
Brandon: Ugh... eight.
Eric: Okay. Yeah. Nessie, Nessie charges again, but she is not going for the cape like she did last time. She is just straight up charging at you. And I'm going to say she's going to make a tackle.
Brandon: Okay. Then Tracey as a reaction is going to put a shield in front of him.
Eric: All right. What is your AC?
Eric: And she full on wallops you and she gets you for… (rolls) she gets you for only five. And I would say that, like, you knew this was coming. You brace yourself against her.
Brandon: So am I kind of like locked in a stalemate with her at this point?
Brandon: Cool yeah.
Michael: Nearly in the reach of safety,
Michael: Johnny hears Tracey's predicament. Sighs, turns,
Michael (as Johnny): Light! Show me your brilliance!
Michael: and casts color spray in the direction of both Nessie and Tracey, creating a dazzling array of flashing colored lights.
Amanda: Meanwhile Inara is ushering Alonzo through the doors to safety, so the two of us are going to just hunker down outside the door like immediately to the right behind the stone wall and just waiting for Tracey and Johnny to join.
Eric: All right. You guys are in safety.
Michael: 39, if I add all my bonuses together
Eric: Okay, yeah, you got it. Okay, it’s going to hit Tracey first.
Brandon: So Tracey hears Johnny yell out in the room, and that triggers his danger sense, which means I get advantage on a dex save against spells that I know about.
Eric: All right. So you've seen color spray before and usually colors spray doesn’t give you a dec save, but I'm just going to give you one instead of giving you an advantage.
Brandon: Cool. So Tracey definitely like shifts the weight of Nessie off to his right while he rolls left.
Eric: All right let me take a number.
Brandon: All right I got a 10 in total.
Eric: You get color sprayed in the face and there is, like, orange paints over your eyes and you are totally blinded. However the same thing did happen to Nessie, and both of you are blinded, and she shrieks out. She's separated from you, you can feel that she moved back and she's running.
Michael: Johnny grabs Tracey and pulls him towards the door using the prestidigitation to try to clean it even though he knows it's not going to work.
Eric: All right. All four of you are back together.
Michael: Johnny pushes Tracey out of the door, closes the door. Is there some sort of mechanism to kind of make sure that it closes?
Eric: Oh yeah it's like a barn door so like you have that slide-y thing that barn doors do.
Michael: Johnny… I close the door to ensure that Nessie can't get out and dispel color spray.
Brandon (as Tracey): Thanks Johnny.
Michael (as Johnny): You're welcome.
Michael: Casts light on your nose.
Brandon (as Tracey): Oh that's great thank you. Thank you
Amanda: And the Inara and Alonzo stand up and look at each other and say,
Amanda (as Inara): We good to go?
Brandon (as Tracey): Let's do this thing.
Eric: And as you're moving to go you hear a loud WOMP against the door and a last “Caw” as Nessie is caught inside the barn door.
Brandon (as Tracey): Bye Nessie, I love you!
Eric: More just, more banging. All right, you are making your way outside of the compound and the lush grass of the lawns outside are becoming more and more sparse as you walk away. And you follow kind of this winding path, like a very very long driveway that goes down out from the castle. Alonzo kind of like takes you through like some side paths and like, it's like he just knows, he just remembers this like the back of his hand. And you are finally back at the market where all of your stories began. And it is just as bustling if not more bustling than you remembered. People are hawking all of this wedding gear.
(Crowd, insects and other ambient noises)
Amanda: Like wedding memorial plates and stuff?
Eric: Yeah. It's like, the like, the royal wedding. You see it's like Greg and Alonzo have their hands together like...
Amanda: Like commemorative scarves.
Amanda: And tea sets.
Eric: And you actually hear like the vendors are saying like
Eric (as A Vendor): Get the love of the millennium sets! You won’t be able to remember this wedding without the love of the millennium sets! I've got plates, I've got cups, I've got napkins, I've got smaller napkins, I got larger napkins, whatever napkins you want!
Eric: And Alonzo is like, even though he still looks like James, pulls his hood over. His like big beard with all the flowers are still showing he's not doing a very good job of hiding his shame. You're all kind of just walking through the market. You're on this main stretch. There are people all over the place just going about their day and Alonzo's just kind of looking around and he's just like excited to be out. There is a weight that was on him that has been lifted. You, you literally see him that way. He looks okay for the first time since the wedding.
Michael: Johnny gives him a reassuring pat once he sees that transformation.
Amanda: Inara sees Alonzo looking at the plates of him and Greg with like heart emoji in his eyes and finds herself begrudgingly finding it really adorable.
Eric: He, yeah, he looks over and he looks at you and he says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Hey, c'mon, don't don't look at me like that. Look at… Where am I? I'm in the market on the day after my wedding. Some kind of honeymoon this is, you know.
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, yeah man, like... What about that? Why. Why are you running away?
Eric (as Alonzo): I'm not. I'm not running away. I got some of the greatest news of my entire life yesterday and Greg got the worst and we're trying to be there for each other like none of us can decide who's going to be there for who, like... Which is more important? Like, almighty magical lore, or like, you your family just tried to murder you? Like which is better or worse, I guess? I don't know.
Michael (as Johnny): Alonzo, listen. Right now you can't talk to Greg. So let's try to get him something in this market, after or before we deal with what we need to deal with Kohl. Just a nice little present, a show of affection. If you see something here, my treat. We get it to him.
Eric (as Alonzo): I mean you know I'm like the richest person here in this city.
Michael (as Johnny): I'm sorry I'm trying to be polite and show a sign of niceness. That's your fault, literally, that was your one. Johnny literally, literally gives people one. That's fine if you're going to give me guff.
Eric: Alonzo laughs at you and he's like,
Eric (as Alonzo): Okay, you know what, fine. Buy me a thing.
Eric: And he goes over to one of the vendors and he picks up a scarf and it's like stitched into it is like “A + G 4 EVER” with the number 4 and he's like a little ways away from you and he holds it up, and he says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Hey Johnny how do you like that? Is it good?
Michael (as Johnny): I think it's great.
Michael: Casts light on the “A + G 4 EVER” so that it glows.
Amanda: It glows?
Eric: (Laughing) You’re still glowing blue, by the way.
Michael: That's totally fine with me.
Amanda: Everything glows.
Michael: And then I ask the merchant to send it to Greg, care of Johnny B. Goodlight, and send it to my tab.
Eric: The shopkeeper looks up and says,
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh no, not you, not this guy. No way. No no no way.
Michael (as Johnny): I’ll cast light on all of your items. If you don't send that to Greg. who is just married to Alonzo I believe he'll pay for it.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh.
Eric: I want you all. To make. Dexterity saving throws.
(Slow ominous music starts playing)
Amanda: 14 plus 3, 17.
Brandon: I don't wanna talk about it.
Amanda: Inara is a dexterous little elf.
Brandon: I got a four.
Eric: Aww Tracey...
Michael: (Sighs) Tracey.
Eric: As Alonzo is holding the scarf up in the air, you all hear the sound of hooves clattering at full speed against the road. You all look up and you see there are two halflings with red bandanas over their faces,
Eric: riding on the back of a centaur who also has a red bandana over his face. And you are only close enough for you two to get out of the way. And Tracey, you get knocked the frik over. The centaur and the two halflings run over to where Alonzo is, pick him up, throw him on the back of the centaur, and start to ride away.
(Ominous music fades out and theme music fades up)
Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.
Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.
Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.