Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #505: In regards to the last night of camp: Save tonight and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone.

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #000000000000000001: Listen up, you little do-gooding camp worms. Why don’t you get your nose out of the handbook and go outside? The sun is OUT and BRIGHT and HOT and look EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT. So STOP LOOKING INTO THINGS AND GET OUT THERE!!!!!!

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #000: It should be summer all the time! And now it is and will always be!

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #101: if you’re going to pick a fight with someone or something, at least make sure you’re one standard deviation larger or smaller than them. If you’re smaller, you’re going to get crushed; if you’re bigger, you’re just punching down.

Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #246-01: staff members should strongly encourage all campers to participate in their age group’s summer musical. Regardless if they are pop-u-lar or need to be more chill, this is the perfect opportunity for campers to go the distance, let the sunshine in, and become one singular sensation.

Rule #256-02: you must have a driver’s license to drive the surrey with the fringe on top.