It’s the first cocktail party of the Bachlorette Tournament and contestants are being pulled out for confessional interviews. Will the party tell all or will they get left on the cutting room floor? Inara loosens up. Johnny finds more buckets. Tracey beeps and boops.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver
- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle
- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin
- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische
- Multitude: multitude.productions
Last time on Join the Party
The party fights through the first challenge of the Bachelorette Tournament, complete with mud monsters and other players to throw a wrench in their plans.
Michael (as Johnny): But I have a question: did we or did we not put on a good show? Round of applause for this team right here everybody!
Johnny meets another follower of the Undying Light, Inara goes toe-to-toe with someone from her home forrest, and Tracey isn’t the only robot in town.
Eric (as warforged): Another detective for P-O-R-O to play. Beep boop. I am a robot.
The party storms into the mansion underneath the colosseum where all the contestants are staying. And they get a new roommate, Chad, who is definitely a human and will not sleep in a bunk bed.
Amanda (as Inara): Alright, Chad, fair enough, but I get first dibs on the bathroom!
Eric (as Chad): That’s fine. I shower at night!
Something is lurking behind the scenes here, something muddy and dressed in black. And one of them has a question for our robot friend:
Eric (as cookie cutter mud person): Have you ever seen another warforged before?
It’s time to get confessional. Let’s get the party started.
[science-fiction-esque electronic music plays, then fades]
[voices echo in the stadium, film reel sounds in the background]
Eric (as mud person): Oh! Hey! Tracey! Welcome back! How’s it going, buddy?
Brandon (as Tracey): Who? Where? How? What?!
Eric (as mud person): Don’t worry. You’re in a safe space.
Brandon (as Tracey): You are a mud person!
Eric (as mud person): [sarcastically] That is extremely perceptive of you, Tracey, thank you for noticing!
Brandon (as Tracey): You’re welcome?
Eric (as mud person): I am made entirely by mud and rocks and stone, and I just wanted to let you tell your story.
Brandon (as Tracey): I’ve never seen a mud person.
Eric (as mud person): Then- good! Then you can just let all of those feelings out to me and my two friends here.
Brandon (as Tracey): I love mud people now…
Eric (as mud person): Good. This is-this is perfect...
Brandon (as Tracey): You seem very nice.
Eric (as mud person): Alright, Tracey, I want you to just sit there-
Brandon (as Tracey): [interrupting] Okay.
Eric (as mud person): - on this purple chair-
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh-huh!
Eric (as mud person): We have it set up- it’s so nice and so comfy-
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.
Eric (as mud person): Yeah there- you’re gonna sit there-
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.
Eric (as mud person): And I’m gonna ask you some questions.
Brandon (as Tracey): Uhhhhh… are you gonna hurt me?
Eric (as mud person): [chuckling to self] Uhh… yes. Of course. Tracey, what do you think I’m gonna say? Buddy, come on! You know me! I’m a mud person!
Brandon (as Tracey): In my experience with mud people, they’re very honest.
Eric (as mud person): You just said, yes [laughing] wow that one took me off guard. Yes, extremely honest, thank you! Tracey sit there, get comfortable, and I’m just gonna ask you some questions, how’s that?
Brandon (as Tracey): [nervously] Okay...
Eric (as mud person): Alright, great.
Brandon: And Tracey kind of shuffles around, moves his butt a little bit to get comfortable in the purple chair, and sits there.
Eric: Yeah, okay this is - again, this is a big purple chair with gold inlay in it, and a really high back. It’s kind of like a throne.
Brandon: Tracey scratches at the gold inlay a little bit.
Eric: “Ooh! Ohh! Real gold!” Tracey thinks to himself.
Brandon: It’s weird that Tracey has the voice of Eric!
Eric: “Wo-wow! Ooh! Ooh! Oowee!” Okay.
Eric (as mud person): Trace- don’t worry about it, just talk it out. You ready? Alright 3-2-1-
Brandon (as Tracey): What? What?!
Eric (as mud person): Alright, hey Tracey, wow thank you so much for sitting down with us. I really appreciate it.
Brandon (as Tracey): [nervously, suspiciously] You’re welcoooooome??
Eric (as mud person): So, wow, Tracey, have you ever seen another warforged before?
Brandon (as Tracey): Where do I look? Is there a camera A, camera B, what-
Eric (as mud person): There’s a cam- yeah, Tracey, there’s a camera right over my shoulder, right there.
Brandon (as Tracey): Right over your shoulder.
Eric: And the mud person just points behind them. There’s two blobbier ones. One of them has a camera like on a tripod that’s right next to them.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, um...
Eric (as mud person): Tracey, it’s right over my should- don’t even worry about it. Just look at me.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, I’m looking at you!
Eric (as mud person): Look at me.
Brandon (as Tracey): You got a little…
Brandon: And he flicks some mud off of his face and then... he got- he got it.
[pause, then everyone laughs]
Eric (as mud person): Good- oh I see what you-
Brandon: It’s funny because he’s all mud! Do you get it?
Eric (as mud person): Tracey, I see what you did there. That was good. I liked the mud- I know I don’t have eyes, it’s fine. Just look right where you think a face might be. Okay?
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay!
Eric (as mud person): Okay, so I’m gonna- we’re gonna do this one more time. You ready?
Brandon (as Tracey): Ready.
Eric: Okay, make a Charisma check for me, Brando.
Brandon: Astute listeners will realize that my Charisma is my best skill.
Eric: Yeah, you should try rolling it well sometime.
Michael: It is, in fact, not your best skill. It is your bottom skill.
Brandon: Because it’s 15 + 0 for- I think that’s 15.
Eric: Good! That’s a very good skill. You’re fine. Don’t worry about it.
Brandon: That’s not ominous at all.
Eric: Nah, you’re good.
Eric (as mud person): Alright, 3-2-1. Wow! Tracey, this has been a really big day for you, huh?
Brandon (as Tracey): It really has! I don’t even know where I am.
Eric (as mud person): Yeah… do we ever? You know, in the universe?
Brandon (as Tracey): I mean usually I do so far, but I see your point.
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, so Tracey have you ever seen another warforged before?
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh, there was a - oh my god there was another warforged! [shouting] Who was that warforged?!
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, that’s P0R0! P-O-R-zero. We found him… P-O-R-Oh. P-O-R-0, we found him out in the- in the deserts, you know? In the Northern part of the country.
Brandon (as Tracey): Wait, like in that direction?
Eric (as mud person): Yeah!
Brandon: And Tracey points in a couple different directions because he’s not exactly sure which way is which.
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, yeah exactly Tracey so how do you feel?
Brandon (as Tracey): Um...
Eric (as mud person): Must be a big deal for you.
Brandon (as Tracey): You know I haven't had a lot of time to process my emotions. There’s mud people and another warforged and I think I- I don’t know if I got the bathroom or not, but it’s really important that I got the bathroom because I don’t share bathrooms...Do you know if I got the bathroom?
Eric (as mud person): Uh, yeah, I think you and your friends definitely got the bathroom.
Brandon (as Tracey): [muttering to self] Great, great, great.
Eric (as mud person): Okay-
Brandon (as Tracey): How’s Johnny?
Eric (as mud person): Johnny’s good. Johnny’s hanging out.
Brandon (as Tracey): Inara?
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, uh you know Johnny- the crowd really loves Johnny.
Brandon (as Tracey): That’s not a surprise. He’s very charismatic.
Eric (as mud person): Oh yeah, tell me more about that.
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh, he has a high Charisma score. [laughing to himself]
Eric (as mud person): That’s very- that’s deep. That’s deep. Tell- what’s your relationship with Johny like?
Brandon (as Tracey): It’s good? Um, he… he found me in a desert and… um, you’re all mud! What’s your backstory?
Eric (as mud person): Uh, listen, hey Tracey, if I could be in the spotlight, I would. Um, so uh yeah wait so Johnny found you? That’s really interesting. Tell me more about that, bud.
Brandon (as Tracey): How’s Inara? Is she okay?
Eric (as mud monster): Alright, um, you know-
Eric: The mud person signals back there and does the “cut” symbol and is like
Eric (as mud person): Hey, Tracey, listen this is your first time that you’re going to be introduced to the entire audience-
Brandon (as Tracey): Is Oatcake okay?
Eric (as mud person): And I just, I need you to give me something, bud. I need you to tell me your emotions! You’re an emotional guy. I saw you get bright red and scream and shout and try to shoot a chair at some point! And I know there's some emotion in there, so I need you to give me something, okay?
Brandon (as Tracey): Well, see, I would rather, like, not do that, and I think I’m gonna go back to the thing? To the place where my friends are… and I’m gonna go talk to that warforged. Is that okay? Because you seem to be mud and I seem to have an axe. And I don’t really care anymore about this. Is there a place where I can go… away… from this place?
Brandon: And Tracey is gesturing wildly with his hands to signify where he’s talking about.
Eric (as mud person): Um, sure. Tracey, if that’s really what you want, but I think it might be in your best interest to answer our questions.
Brandon (as Tracey): Well see I think I killed a bunch of your friends down there right there right?
Eric (as mud person): Alright, Tracey, well we’ll see you later. If you ever wanna talk to us, you just need to holler.
Brandon (as Tracey): [quickly] Okay, probably not gonna happen, bye! It was good to meet you! Bye mud people!
Eric: Aaaand you’re eaten up by the floor. Alright, so while Tracey is off doing the thing wherever he is, Johnny and Inara, you’re still doing your clothes montage where Inara is trying on different printed frocks. How’s it going?
Amanda: It’s going great! Got a nice silk floral patterned robe that Johnny has lent me that I’m wearing over my tactical cargo pants. I’m feeling ready for this cocktail party!
Michael: Johnny has changed out of his beach gear that he had been wearing for apparently-
[everyone talking at once]
Eric: A while!
Michael: Way too- for very long-
Amanda: Pool Party
Michael: A very long time. And he’s wearing his fancy but not too fancy, casual but not too casual light-based array. It’s actually two robes.
Amanda: Inner robe, outer robe? Like under robe, over robe?
Michael: Yeah so there’s one robe that’s like tied around him-
Michael: And that one’s, like, fully like tied up with a nice little rope string thing, and then another robe because he thinks that’s what’s the fanciest and the best is just another robe.
Eric: [chuckling] Two robes on top of each other.
Michael: Yup! It’s just another robe that’s opened and you can see everything- lots of light coming out of it. Regular pants, but you know there's a robe so it doesn't matter. He is still wearing his sun hat.
Eric: This is good. So while you guys are getting dressed, a small ball of mud rolls up through the hallway and announces in a very large and deep voice
Eric (as mud ball): The cocktail party is beginning. Everyone please assemble down at the pool.
Eric: Chad gets up from-
Michael: Yeah, where does Chad-
Eric: Chad’s been digesting the sing-[chuckling] the single bed this entire time. And he extracts himself from the bed and shrivels through the door and says
Eric (as Chad): Dibs on the tequila! I love that as a hoo-man.
Eric: And shuffles down the stairs.
Michael (as Johnny): See ya down there, Chad. Save some for me!
Michael: Johnny walks over to the pile of clothing that is Tracey, and is gonna try to shuffle him awake and if needed, he’s gonna cast a spell to wake him up.
Eric: Sure, as you put your hands in the pile of clothes, yeah, there’s nothing there.
Michael (as Johnny): Uhhhhh, Inara, did you see Tracey walk out of here?
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, no but I was gone trying stuff on in the other rooms for a bit there. Oatcake, could you see if Tracey is somewhere that we can’t get?
Eric: That’s a really good idea. Roll an Animal Handling check.
Amanda: Uh, that’s a 16 + 1 for a 17.
Eric: Ooh! Okay, that’s really good. How do you get Oatcake to do stuff that you want her to do?
Amanda: I’ll do that and then I put my hand on my little like pouch that I have on my belt where I keep some oatcake treats for her.
Eric: Okay, Oatcake jumps off your bed, and sniffs your hand, and makes direct eye contact with you as you guys mind meld.
Eric: And Oatcake starts sniffing the ground and walks out the door sniffing.
Amanda: I’m gonna follow her.
Eric: As Oatcake walks out the door, the rest of the contestants are walking out, just kind of talking to each other, chattering along, and they are walking down to the pool. P0R0 is behind you. He says
Eric (as P0R0): Oh, I forgot something in here. I need my oil and things. Don’t wait for me. It is fine. Beep bop. Boop.
Michael (as Johnny): I’m looking for Tracey, have you seen him?
Eric (as P0R0): I have not seen friend Tracey. I definitely want to be his friend. That is my goal for this entire interaction. Beep boop.
Michael (as Johnny): Well I might be fashionably late. That’s the Johnny way, so don’t worry- grab your stuff- I’m gonna stay here until I find Tracey.
Eric (as P0R0): That sounds like a good plan to me. I’m going to do the same. We can be fast friends. I’m going to ask you one of my regimented questions. Question 1: what is your favorite flower? I like wallflowers. Boop.
Michael (as Johnny): Uh, yes, wallflowers. That certainly is a real one. I like the sunflower for very obvious reasons.
Michael: And on my back of the robes that’s not the outer robe, but the inner robe, is a large sunflower.
Michael: That’s lighting up.
Brandon: I like it.
Eric (as P0R0): Wow!
Michael: But then I hide it with the other robe, which has something else on the back, but-
Amanda: You like dipped one shoulder coquettishly to show him that inner robe.
Michael: Very coquettishly.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Eric (as P0R0): Wow, Johnny! What a cool flower! I wish I would have one for my own collection. Question 2. Johnny, what is your favorite type of cookie? I like peanut butter chocolate chip.
Michael (as Johnny): Now, why do you like the peanut butter chocolate chip?
Eric (as P0R0): The peanut butter tastes good in my mouth. I like it when I eat it and then there are two different textures in my mouth.
Michael (as Johnny): And how about the chocolate chip?
Eric (as P0R0): The chocolate chip is delicious for the chocolate!
Michael (as Johnny): You know, I heard they actually have those cookies down at the pool. You might as well go take a look, and I’ll wait here for Tracey, no worries.
Eric (as P0R0): Aw, gee whiz, that’s really sweet of you, but I want to stay here and oil my parts.
Michael (as Johnny): Then I’ll let you do it. I’ve gotta read something real quick.
Michael: I don’t want to answer more questions.
Eric: Okay, I like it. Inara, you’re following Oatcake down the stairs.
Eric: Oatcake is like threading her way through everyone’s legs as they are walking down to the cocktail party down outside the pool.
[sounds of the party: people chattering, crickets chirping, a frog croaking, a light buzzing on the porch, and a pump filling the pool]
Eric: Oatcake walks just like through the kitchen, through the living area, and goes out the screen door. It’s not really outside. You know how if you’re looking at a movie set, you’re gonna reach like about 20-30 feet out and then it’s just like it ends at the picture?
Eric: It kind of looks like that. It’s like someone tried to make a mural of like a perpetual sunset outside and it seems backlit. It’s an entire like domed area. And there are some big windows, like above the mural- it looks like a sunset and then above there’s actual windows that would be letting in light but it’s nighttime outside. So there's a really nice pool and a hot tub as you saw on the hotel television description of what’s going on here. And Oatcake walks up to the bar that is set up next to the pool and Oatcake starts barking at the bar.
Amanda: Can I roll an Investigation check on this bar to see if there are any monitoring tools, spells, devices?
Eric: Ooh, okay. Yeah.
Amanda: That is a 5 + 5 for a 10.
Eric: Okay, as Oatcake paws around the bar, she starts barking and barking more, and as you try to get around to look behind the bar, a bartender walks up to you. And this is another mud creature that is shaped vaguely into the shape of a person. Imagine trying to stuff mud into like a waiter uniform. That’s kind of what it looks like. It’s not filled out in the right places, and like there’s like mud seeping out in between a cut in the pants and he says
Eric (as the bartender): Hey! No one should be allowed behind the bar! Excuse me!
Amanda (as Inara): Oh, I thought it was self service. Sorry, how nice that they have someone here! I’m Inara!
Eric (as the bartender): Hi, Inara, I’m the bartender! I need to make sure that you all are having fun!
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah, I know how you feel. I was - I was a server once, at a wedding actually. It was very high stakes, very just- a lot happening. My uniform also didn’t fit right. Those suck right, huh?
Eric (as the bartender): I don’t know exactly what you're talking about
Amanda (as Inara): Cool, um, have you seen a giant robot walking around by any chance?
Eric (as the bartender): Giant robot? You mean P0R0? He’s my favorite!
Amanda (as Inara): No, actually, my favorite, Tracey.
Eric (as the bartender): Oh, Tracey! He’s probably around. He was probably doing an interview!
Amanda (as Inara): W-what does that mean?
Eric (as the bartender): Well, you know, people wanna know more about you contestants while you’re here during the tournament, so they get pulled out to do interviews every once in a while. See, you can see one happening right now!
Eric: And they point out a muddy finger, and you see the centaur from before with the blonde tips- he’s like in the middle of telling a story to a bunch of people around him, and he just kind of gets sucked through the ground through a puddle of mud.
Eric (as the bartender): Probably need to interview Ash. The producers are taking care of it.
Amanda (as Inara): Interesting, and how-how do they know where we are?
Eric (as the bartender): I mean, everyone knows where you are! It’s Arch Spire Hideaway!
Amanda (as Inara): ...Riiiiight… I’m afraid I’m from out of town. I-I haven’t heard of this before
Eric (as the bartender): It’s the place where everyone stays when they’re competing in the colosseum!
Amanda (as Inara): Right on
Eric (as the bartender): It’s been that name for over a thousand years. Can I get you anything? What kind of drink would you like?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah. I’ll take punch. Whatever the like bluest flavor you have is.
Eric (as the bartender): One blue punch coming up!
Eric: We’re gonna go back to Johnny. So P0R0 has a very large bucket of oil and has been oiling his parts. And while you guys are just kind of in a detente- you’re staring at him and he’s just like happily oiling himself, with a large slurp, Tracey you’re back underneath the clothes and in a mud puddle. And Johnny, this is loud enough for you to hear the slurp back from underneath the pile of clothes.
Michael: I’m going to move some of the clothing around like I did before when I didn’t feel Tracey, and now I feel Tracey.
Brandon (as Tracey): Johnny that’s my- that’s my feet. Why- what are you-
Michael: Okay, don’t make it weird-
[Eric bursts out laughing]
Michael: I just was worried about you because you were gone, but how about you get out of that mud, we clean you up, and we go to the pool party, huh?
Brandon (as Tracey): I mean, this is really nice and warm. Is there a more warm situation?
Michael (as Johnny): There’s tequila.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.
Eric: When P0R0 sees you come back, he stands up and says
Eric (as P0R0): Tracey! My new friend! I would love to talk to you! Can I get in there with you?
Eric: And he starts to climb into the pile of clothes
Brandon: [aghast] Tracey shoves him away immediately.
Eric (as P0R0): Okay, maybe next time! Hopefully there’s space for me!
Brandon (as Tracey): Nope!
Michael (as Johnny): How about the three of us just clean ourselves up and get on over to the party, huh?
Brandon (as Tracey): Is it like a black tie event, or…?
Michael (as Johnny): It’s whatever you want to wear. I’m wearing my very fashionable double robe.
Brandon (as Tracey): You got another one of those robes?
Michael (as Johnny): I got infinite robes.
Michael: And then I turn my backpack over and there’s just robes.
Brandon: And Tracey picks the one that’s just like purplish black that has just a starfield everywhere and there’s planets.
Brandon: It’s a little too small, but like too big in the sleeves specifically.
Michael (as Johnny): That’s looking spot on, Tracey.
Michael: And I finger guns, making it so that the stars twinkle. And for the rest of the clothing, I’m gonna shove it all back into my bag, casting Prestidigitation as I do so that they’re nice and clean and also folded because I’m gonna assume that Prestidigitation can also fold clothing.
Eric: Yes, I’ll give you that.
Brandon (as Tracey): What is your- sorry, what is your name? P…
Michael (as Johnny): I’m Johnny!
Brandon (as Tracey): P-man?
Michael (as Johnny): …Oh.
Eric (as P0R0): I’m P0R0! The greatest detective on the Eastern side of Fidapolis.
Brandon (as Tracey): P… Detective? Alright...
Eric (as P0R0): I have an agency set up! No one can do anything better than me, P0R0!
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, um, P, why don’t you just investigate this room, but look specifically for things that are below eye level?
Brandon: And Tracey throws all of our things on the top bunks.
Brandon (as Tracey): Because I think there’s something [now whispering, as though to a child] hidden in this room.
Eric: Make Persuasion.
Eric: Hey Brandon-
Michael: You reap what you sow! You reap what you sow! This is-
Eric: Hey Brandon, what’d you roll?
Brandon: Uh, that was a critical 1.
Brandon: A critical failure.
Eric: Hmm, okay.
Brandon: Good thing I have a buddy that is very charismatic.
Michael: Yeah, the buddy ain’t gonna help you. I’m grabbing my bag and walking out.
Eric: Alright, so Johnny grabs his bag. Tracey, you put Inara and your bag up on the top bunk. And Johnny grabs his.
Brandon: And Oatcake’s- does Oatcake have a tiny bag?
Amanda: No, she just has her boxing gloves.
Eric: P0R0 says
Eric (as P0R0): Okay, bye! I will make sure to investigate everything below eye level! Don’t worry!
Eric: And as you walk away, you hear a thump [thump sound] as one of the bags hits the ground.
Brandon: Cool. Good. Good and great.
Eric: So, you’re all coming down to the cocktail party, and everyone’s assembled down there except for your robot friend who you left up there.
Michael: I grab a drink.
Michael: It’s gonna be a bucket of rosé.
Eric: Wow, you’ve really come around to the bucket of wine!
Michael: Actually, it’s like a mini bucket. It’s like a- it’s a pail.
Eric: A pail of wine?
Michael: It’s a pail of wine. It’s gonna be-
Amanda: Like a cruise ship mixed drink.
Amanda: If the drunks drop it it’s okay.
Amanda: Little fishes on it.
Brandon: [laughing] That’s very good.
Michael: I like that. It’s prosecco, actually.
Eric: I like it.
Brandon: Tracey grabs the most tiki drink that is possible to be tiki’d.
Eric: Sure. There is just like a full sized tiki, which only you would be able to pick up.
Eric: And it’s like the size of your torso.
Amanda: And my blue punch is in a sort of daiquiri style big fluted glass with a bunch of fruit on the top that I share with Oatcake. And I’m going to see these guys walk over and join them, maybe at a little cocktail table or something.
Amanda (as Inara): Well, this is weird.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, where AM I?!
Michael (as Johnny): Where were you actually? What happened to you?
Amanda (as Inara): I just talked to some mud bar person. He said that there were interviews that were happening. Did someone talk to you, Trace?
Brandon: And I tell them everything that happened with cringing specificity and fifteen minutes later-
Eric: [laughing] Star swipe! Fifteen minutes later!
Michael: I’ve already drank three pail- no. [laughing]
Eric: There’s one pail tossed to the side and Johnny has a different pail.
Michael: And I have a bucket just and it’s filled with mini pails.
Amanda: Ooh, yeah!
Michael: Like the bucket is filled with all the pails.
Brandon: It’s like a nesting doll situation?
Michael: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: I was gonna say like a lobster shell catch bucket.
Michael: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Only it’s filled with your empty pails.
Eric: So what’s your interaction with the bartender like?
Michael: My interaction with the bartender is I just keep pretending like I’m alcoholic and then as I walk by, I see a plant and I toss like most of it into the plant and I get back to the table.
[Eric bursts out laughing]
Eric: I like it, okay.
Amanda: Yeah, Inara’s going to be nursing the same punch, but try to look a little bit inebriated, a little bit looser. I think people underestimate her.
Eric: Sure, anyone who’s lying about the amount of drinks that they’re making, make a Performance roll to see how much you’re deciding to show people how drunk you are, or how much you’re lying about how drunk you are.
[two dice rolling]
Michael: Non-natural 20.
Eric: Okay, yeah Johnny you’ve done this many times before- gone to parties, just pretended like, “Aw man! I’m having a great time” and you wake up without a hangover in the morning. Inara, I think that you're trying your best, and I’ll give you a choice here. Either, you are very bad at acting like you’re drunk, or you’re accidentally drinking more than you thought you did.
Amanda: The latter. I think we are in a relatively safe situation and the punch is pretty good and the bedroom’s just upstairs. And there’s no monsters yet.
Eric: That’s good.
Michael: Oh, what’s the light situation? I’m sorry.
Eric: That’s actually a really good question. There’s lights all throughout the house. It’s really heavily lit in there. But there’s also some sort of backlight happening from the mural that I was talking about, and it seems always backlit with like sunset light amount. Just like that fading light where it’s still light but it’s like beautiful- it’s like that golden hour light.
Michael: So there's a dude holding like a lantern behind the mural just keeping it lit?
Eric: It could be. Yeah, there could be.
Amanda (as Inara): I have a job [slurring drunkenly, vaguely rapping ‘Hamilton’] I’m only nineteen!
Amanda (as Inara): I’ve got a job! Do the job. Get the job done.
Michael: As Tracey-
Eric: Hold on, wait, wait, wait! Inara, who are you saying this to?
Eric: Inara, I want you to roll a d20.
[Michael and Eric talking at once, Amanda laughing]
Michael: Is this as Tracey is-
Eric: No, no, no, no, this is real, this is real-
Amanda: [muttering] Ugh, I was joking.
Eric: Inara, please roll a d20.
Eric: Alright, you’ve wandered away from the group and you go to another cocktail table that has Minerva at it, who’s the very small treant who was talking to you before and told you to wear flowers.
Eric: And you’re talking about- about the job that you had.
Amanda: It’ll take me a minute to realize, but I’ll be like
Amanda (as Inara): [slurring] And flowers- great idea! Great. Love flowers!
Eric (as Minerva): Thank- I’m also wearing flowers. Do you like them?
Amanda (as Inara): [gasps] Beautiful! I love it! Beautiful! Excellent
Eric (as Minerva): Thank you! I really- I real- listen. I’ve never done anything like this before. This is petty crazy, right?
Amanda (as Inara): Eh- me- meh- neither. Let me… tell you. H-How’d you get here?
Eric (as Minerva): I mean, I’m from the surrounding area. I used to live in the forest and then a wizard animated me, and here I am! I just, you know, contest, right?
Amanda (as Inara): It- eh- did you fight?
Eric (as Minerva): Uh, fight who?
Amanda (as Inara): Mud- mud people in a- in a arena?
Eric (as Minerva): Aw, you fought mud people in an arena?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeaaaah.
Eric (as Minerva): No, I didn’t get that- that amount of exposure. I’m kind of like a singer-songwriter sort of thing so they found me. I was just playing guitar out in the forest and that’s where they found me! And now I’m here!
Michael: What’s the guitar made of?
Brandon: Thank you!
Michael: Because this sounds like sort of- okay good, we’re on the same page, Brandon.
Eric: She has like strings that she like hooks up to her own arm.
Michael: Ooh, okay.
Eric: She’s like
Eric (as Minerva): Yeah, I think we’re all from just different places and I just- I’m really here to just like give it my shot, you know. Being- wow, being next to the Representative- that would just be crazy! I mean, I just think that she’s so beautiful.
Amanda (as Inara): Mmm.
Eric (as Minerva): She has like, um… resting autocrat face, where it’s like you know whenever she doesn’t move her face, it’s just like she- wow, she could totally like take over a city!
Amanda (as Inara): I- I know someone like that. She brings me bagels.
Eric (as Minerva): Nice. Inara, you have, like, someone back home?
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, I mean I- I got some option- no. No I don’t. No.
Eric (as Minerva): Because I mean if you’re not here for the right reasons, you should probably just like step out of the way for the people who really want to be here.
Amanda (as Inara): Nah, nah, I- I’m joking. I would like to. There’s some- there’s some pretty, pretty people- no. No I don’t.
Eric (as Minerva): Because if you’re not here for the right reasons, it’s like move out, okay? I’m here for the right reasons.
Brandon: Does Inara hear Tracey just like
Brandon (as Tracey): Mud people! And then there was a CHAIR! And there was GOLD INLAY!
Eric: Yes! Yes!
Michael: And I keep pausing him to get another drink.
Eric: That’s good. Johnny and Tracey, please make Perception checks.
[two dice rolling]
Michael: Nat 20.
Eric: Hot damn.
Brandon: 11 + 2 for 13.
Eric: Tracey, you’re still [starting to laugh] you’re still talking about the- about the chair and your experience.
Brandon (as Tracey): I think if I would scratch deep enough, I could have got to the gold part!
Michael (as Johnny): Uh-huh, uh-huh. Sure, yes.
Eric: So, Johnny- as you’re walking back and forth from the bar, you’re like memorizing your route so you don’t have to like talk to anybody you don’t want to talk to.
Michael: Never want to talk to anyone I don’t want to.
Eric: But you’re noticing at different moments, people are disappearing into the mud. But it’s synchronized almost. Inara was talking about the centaur coming back, then you see the centaur with the blonde hair comes back up directly in the same spot where he came back down, and then Kevin Vacation- the elf with the big wings- then he then sinks down into the mud. And then a few minutes later, he comes back, and then another person goes back. And then in succession, all three of the Ambroses go back and then they all come back at the same time.
Michael: Is everyone coming back up covered in mud? Are they like fully clean?
Eric: They’re all fully clean. The puddle stays in the same spot. And then they come back and then eventually if they move off of it, then the puddle disappears.
Michael: Do I have any kind of idea of what kind of magic this is?
Eric: Why don’t you roll for it if you wanna make an Arcana check?
Michael: 11 + 5 for 16.
Eric: Okay, this is all Transmutation magic.
Eric: Transmutation is when you change one thing into another- you control a certain element and that- you’re getting strong vibes just form these mud puddles. And Johnny, as you start to walk away back to Tracey, you notice that there’s a mud puddle beneath your feet, and you start sinking into the ground.
Michael: And I walk with the mud as I sink down.
Eric: Yeah- like you’re walking down stairs?
Michael: Before my head goes under I’m like
Michael (as Johnny): Tracey, save me the rest of that story. I’ll be right back.
Brandon (as Tracey): And then there were like mud pe- there was no Camera B! I didn’t know like-
[Eric making garbling mud sounds]
Eric: Johnny, you are on the same ledge of the land that Tracey was describing. You’ve like kind of dropped into a purple and gold high backed chair and just like Tracey described, there is a mud person that looks like a cookie cutter, like the bartender, and two globs holding a camera behind you.
[camera reel sounds and voices echoing through the stadium as before]
Michael (as Johnny): Hey, guys. I know what’s happening. Don’t worry. Just give me a second.
Michael: I’m gonna prestidigitate myself to make myself look extra better.
Eric: Sure. He’s like
Eric (as mud person): Hey Johnny, wow, thank you for putting it all together. You made a really good impression upon the crowd here. I think you’re doing a great job.
Michael (as Johnny): I think the key is not only do I want to win, but I also want to educate, and I want to help others. Like I know…
Michael: Has it started recording?
Eric: Oh, yeah, they know who they’re dealing with because you did such a good job during the colosseum. They just sort of jump in. As soon as you get that question, you know you’re on.
Michael (as Johnny): I know a lot of people aren’t here to make friends, but I think that the only true way you’re going to advance, not only in this competition but in life, is by making friends. And I have many friends here already- I’m lucky enough to have some companions with me, but my real true friend is books. And one of the things that really bothers me about the Arch Spire Hideaway is the lack of books. Now, I know that I was a little- you know, dad-ish when I was in the colosseum earlier, but I truly believe that everyone here, as much as we need those drinks, as much as we need the hot tub, we need books. We need a library. One thing I would ask the people of Tortipolis, if they chose me as Tortipolis’s choice or Tortipolis’s best or whatever, you know, get some books here. Let’s get some reading happening. Let’s get some education. Because we need to educate our minds, our souls, and educate our livers with some alcohol.
Eric (as mud person): Wow, Johnny, that’s uh- you just had that right on the top of your brain?
Michael (as Johnny): The thing is is that, you know, kids gotta stay in school so that you can also enjoy things like watching this wonderful program.
Eric: And the producer looks behind them and turns to the blob and says
Eric (as mud person): [whispering] Yeah, we can cut some of that.
Michael (as Johnny): So here’s the thing- books. Let me describe what a book is-
Eric (as mud person): [interrupting] Hey, Johnny, listen I heard you on the books. We can see if we can get you some books. That’s great. Wow, tell me more about the Undying Light. What an interesting religion you have coming here.
Michael (as Johnny): It’s uh- you know the Concentric States has such a rich history with religion, especially with the Trinity, and I feel that the Undying Light is like a companion piece. There’s the Light and the Shadow. It’s something that is above and part of the Trinity. It’s a focus, you know, and it’s exciting that there’s someone else who worships the Undying Light. It’s also exciting that, you know, I-
Michael: And I put the staff out.
Michael (as Johnny): -actually have some of the Undying Light with me. You know, I’m not gonna say that makes me superior to everyone else here. I would never say that. But it does put me at an advantage where I have a direct connection to a deity.
Eric (as mud person): Wow, Johnny. Listen, if I were you, I would say that does make me better than someone else. Would you say that?
Michael (as Johnny): You know, I’m glad you said, it because I’m too humble a person to say it, but you said it, so that’s what counts.
Eric (as mud person): Okay. You said something about the Shadow. I can see why this is such a maligned religion here in the Concentric States if you’re having a Shadow as a part of the religion. When I talked to Alice Sunbeam, she didn’t say anything about any Shadow, just Light and goodness. Are you kind of the Dark to her Light?
Michael (as Johnny): You know, I’ve been finding out recently that you just can’t have Light without Shadow, you can’t have Shadow without Light. It’s kind of the way it goes. You know, within the Trinity you have, you know, forces that are good and forces that are bad. You can’t just have one and not the other. But I’m still figuring that out myself, actually. I’m having an internal struggle, you might say. I might be transparently talking about my character backstory here, but-
Michael (as Johnny): And then my motivations, but I would say that this is a struggle that I’m going through, and I’m sure we’re going to have some arguments, Alice Sunbeam and I, because more recently I’ve discovered that the Shadow isn’t the worst thing, as long as it can be controlled. As long as you don’t mess with it too much, and as long as you roll well… with the punches.
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, wow. Johnny, that’s so great. You know, I think that’s everything that I need. I hear Representative Brink is gonna show up soon. That’s exciting.
Michael (as Johnny): That is very exciting. You know, we have been on a journey, my fellow adventurers and me, and finding the Representative definitely is one way this journey can continue, and hopefully, you know, we win the competition and more happens.
Eric (as mud person): Mm. Glad you’re here for the right reasons.
Michael (as Johnny): Hey, I’m here for any reason you want me to be.
Eric (as mud person): Alright.
Michael: And I wink and finger-guns with tons of light.
Eric: Perfect. While you’re doing that then you sink. He’s like
Eric (as mud person): Ah! See you Johnny, have fun!
Eric: And you sink back down into the ground.
Michael: I stick my hand up as I’m sinking, like instead of ‘Terminator’ thumbs up, I do one finger gun and let out one non-lethal Eldritch Blast to kind of just like poooof!
[sound of a blast]
Eric: Just like burst in the sky, like you’re gone but like your Eldritch Blast is in this empty colosseum like this single firework and then goes back to darkness.
[sound of three melodic fireworks]
Hey, it’s Eric. Have you ever come back from a long vacation, let’s say more than a week. And you’re grabbing your bag from the car or lifting out of an overhead compartment, and you realize that it was heavier than you remember. And it turns out, it is! You have presents you’re bringing back home, or a piece of clothing you “borrowed” to feel close to your holiday retreat, or you just packed in such a rush because you put off wanting to leave at the last moment and everything is jumbled about. And you have physical proof that you went somewhere and are a little different from before. This is that extra weight. Welcome to the midroll. I brought back five different flavors of jelly.
Hello to our newest Patrons: Jackson, Christopher Byrom, Christopher Rogers, Robear, Alyna, Mariko, Ariel, Tobi, Fuleo, Kyle, J-CYA, Kazander, Evie, and Anna plus Hannah-Mae and Fishlolz who upped their pledges. As a thank-you to every single one of the 136 of you who joined our membership community on Patreon, we are releasing some gorgeous art of Zubi that our friend Abbie Rappaport created. This is bonus artwork for our Patrons, downloadable and delivered to you today in your inboxes. To check it out in all its glory, pledge today at patreon.com/jointhepartypod6.
We also have some suuuuper exciting news. We’re having a live show! I know, it’s is really happening! We’ll be in New York City on Saturday June 9th, 2018 with a brand new one-shot for everyone to enjoy in person. You get can your tickets RIGHT NOW at bit.ly/jtplive. We really really want to see your faces if you can make it! And, if you’re one of our Patrons, check your inbox for a discount code to get 50% off your live show tickets. We’re beyond excited about this, and we’ll be telling you more about it as June gets closer.
And I need to tell you about Twenty Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York, the lovely sponsor that is the wind beneath our gaming wings. And we got this adorable, wool hand-crocheted dice bags from Crochet By Maita. Mine is red, like the blood of my enemies, and now I can believe that my dice are tucked into bed, while visions of sugarplums and crits dance in their head. This is an artisial gift that I didn’t think I could pick up at my local game store, but I have been proven wrong.
If you’re interested in picking up a wool blanket hideaway for your dice, or a bunch of new dice friends, or any other board game you could possibly desire, you can head over to 20 sided store dot com or visit them in person in Brooklyn, NY and use our discount code, JOINTHEPARTY, for 20% off. So head over to twenty (full word) sided store.com and use our discount code JOINTHEPARTY.
Now, let’s get back to the show.
[sounds of the poolside party begin again]
Michael: As I’m rising up from the ground, I’m going to continue my walking as if nothing had changed from when I walked into it before.
Amanda: You’re doing a disappearing behind the wall down the stairs bit.
Eric: That’s exactly what it was! Yeah.
Michael: That’s exactly it. And I place my drink down which I’ve had this whole time, and I tell Tracey
Michael (as Johnny): Please continue.
Brandon (as Tracey): [pause] I finished like ten minutes ago, where have you been?
Michael (as Johnny): I told you to wait. I was- I was doing an interview.
Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, so there was like a purple chair, and-
Michael (as Johnny): [interrupting] Okaaaaay.
Amanda: And Inara’s going to stumble back from her treant table friend back to Johnny and Tracey.
Amanda (as Inara): I need some water.
Michael (as Johnny): Inara, how did your interview go?
Amanda (as Inara): Uhhh, have-have not been slurped yet. I’ll- I’ll see how that goes.
Michael (as Johnny): Well, mine went great.
Amanda (as Inara): Cool, I’m so glad. So glad.
Brandon (as Tracey): Did I tell you about my interview when I went down and then-
Michael (as Johnny): You know, Tracey-
Amanda (as Inara): Yes. Yes.
Michael (as Johnny): Tr- I would love to hear it again.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, so there was this slurping noise…
Eric: So at that point, you hear a knife being hit against a glass [sound of knife against glass] like to get everyone’s attention, and you see it’s like one of the mud monsters who are in the all black again. The mud monster has a headset on and says
Eric (as mud monster): Alright, we’re gonna get started. Hey! Welcome everybody to the Bachelorette Tournament! Alright let’s give a hand for all the contestants out there!
[sound of clapping]
Eric: And everyone claps. Crews, the guy who was trying to come up with his own catchphrase, he claps wildly. There’s some hoots. You see Chad trying to clap, but of course he’s a cube so he cannot.
Michael: So he just… wiggles.
Eric: So he goes, “clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap”
Michael: Oh, Chad.
Eric (as mud monster): Alright, I want you to meet the star of this show, the whole reason why you’re here, whether you’re here because you decided to or not, let’s give it up for Representative Briiiiiiink!
Eric: And everyone claps. You hear like claps being phoned in from the PA speaker. And walking up is a tiny woman. She’s like five feet tall, with ombré hair, and she’s wearing a ballgown of midnight purple, and she looks perfect. Everything about her looks perfectly in place, and as she walks up, she has like no expression on her face, and it looks like she wants to murder everyone in the room, and then as she smiles it’s just like a burst of sunlight on her face.
Michael: So the light situation improves when she does that?
Eric: Yeah [laughing] when- that’s good.
Amanda: As she walks in, can I observe the crowd to see if anybody looks anything less than enthused?
Eric: Sure, why don’t you make a Perception check for that?
Amanda: I- I know, Tracey, you don’t look enthused.
Amanda: Well, that’s a 3. I am drunk.
Michael: Yep, you’re just drunk.
Eric: You think to yourself, “Wow, she does have resting dictator face.”
Michael: Is P0R0 around?
Eric: Yeah, as soon as the Representative walks in, the robot comes hustling inside and grabs a table in the back and starts clapping wildly.
Michael: The Representative looked upset and then smiled. Can I roll Insight to see if that was a genuine smile or they’re actually still kind of like, “Why am I here?”
Amanda: Fish has fully about 75 dice on this table.
Eric: It’s terrifying.
Michael: [takes a deep breath] Only a 10.
Eric: No, genuine smile!
Eric: It’s just she just has resting autocrat face. Everything about her is just like perfectly put together. Her hair is in like in a very delicate up-do, and her dress is just like pristine, and she's wearing these knee high boots that are the only thing that stands out. They seem perfectly fitted for her, like the rest of her clothing, but like they’re a little bit muddy on the bottom.
Eric (as Representative Brink): Hey, everyone, I’m really happy for you to be here. We’re getting the tournament off to a great start. I really think that I’m going to find my true companion here. This is all gonna be great. You all look great. All of you could be my one true companion. I think everyone just have fun, drink, um…
Brandon (as Tracey): [muffled shouting from the back] Why am I here?!
Eric (as Representative Brink): We’re all here to win, and I guess that prize is me. And I’ll talk to all of you later. Hopefully I get some one-on-one time with you all, I’ll be walking around the party, and everyone just have a great time.
Amanda: I’m going to put my hand over Tracey’s mouth.
Michael: Can I roll Insight?
Brandon: You know when you have a sibling and they try to cover your mouth and you lick their palm to try to get their hand off?
Brandon: Tracey does that to Inara.
[Michael and Eric talking at once]
Michael: What kind of tongue-
Eric: What kind of tongue situation does Tracey have?
Michael: What’s the tongue situation here?
Brandon: Like a normal one, what do you mean?
Amanda: For what purpose?
Eric: Well you can’t eat and you can’t taste…
Michael: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes all of this, but is your tongue as you are a warforged, the same- let’s call it consistency- of that of a humanoid?
Amanda: What is my experience here, sense-wise?
Michael: Okay, that’s a good-
Eric: That’s good.
Brandon: I think it’s like a- like a cat tongue sandpaper situation.
Eric: That’s what I thought too. What’d you roll, bud?
Michael: I rolled a 5 total.
Eric: Ah, throw that d20 away.
Michael: It is going away.
Brandon: Uh, can you eat it? Just- just go ahead and…
Eric: Nooooo! Don’t cronch!
[sounds of Fish biting his d20]
Eric: Oh! You put it in your- Ooooh! [disgusted]
Amanda: Yeaaaaaah!! He cronched! Squad.
Eric: Yeah, you don’t get any insight. You’re like, “Wow she’s in a tough position, but-”
Michael: She really is!
Eric: This is gonna be good. At this point, the mud person comes back and says
Eric (as mud person): Yeah, that’s the Representative, make sure you get some face time with her, talk to her, do whatever you have to do. If you have any questions you can talk to me. I am the producer of this whole tournament, and this is kinda like the biggest event here in Tortipolis. Everyone wants to see what happens to the new Representative after the landslide vote that she not- [laughing] no pun intended- the landslide vote that she gained in our last election. She just needs a partner, so if you’re here and you don’t know why, well I guess you can leave if you want to!
Brandon: Tracey walks out-
Brandon: - towards the bunk rooms.
Amanda: As the head producer is talking, Inara’s going to fish like a cherry out of the bottom of her drink and throw it low, close to the Representative, and gesture to Oatcake, who gives her a dirty look, and then gesture again, and then Oatcake will go run after the cherry.
Eric: Okay, I like it. Can you make a Dexterity roll, and I’m giving you disadvantage because you’re drunk.
[two dice rolling]
Amanda: Well, my dude, it’s a 12.
Eric: Hmm… Yeah, and all she does is just like go over and pick up the cherry and just start eating it. She doesn't do it like on the Representative.
Amanda: That’s okay.
Eric: And the Representative is walking like poolside, and as you walk over to try to like meetcute, you get like dangerously close to falling in the pool.
Amanda: I am going to scoop up Oatcake in my arms, smile at her, give a little wave, realize I’m too drunk for this, and go back to the table.
Eric (as Representative Brink): Okay, uh, bye? What was your name?
Amanda: I’m gonna open my mouth, can’t speak, turn around, keep walking. [laughing]
Eric (as Representative Brink): Okay… I’ll see you later… okay. Huh that was pretty… Hmm.
Amanda: And I guess we’ve learned that Inara can blush. So seeing that Johnny and Tracey are not back at the cocktail table I left them at, I’m going to walk back to the bar and ask the bartender mud ooze person for some water.
Eric (as the bartender): Uh, let’s see, sparkling? Tap? We got lemon. We got lots of stuff back here.
Amanda (as Inara): I want most water.
Eric (as the bartender): Most?
Amanda (as Inara): Most
Eric (as the bartender): Like all of it together?
Amanda (as Inara): Mmmmmmmmmost.
Eric (as the bartender): Uh, okay?
Michael: Is that a brand?
Eric: [laughing] Most Water- it’s sponsored by Most Water and it comes in a bottle. It’s like, “Oh yeah, Most Water, the best- the best water they have in Tortipolis!”
Amanda: I thought their slogan was, “Not the best water, the Most!”
Eric: Ooh, I like it, okay. And he puts a bottle of Most Water down in front of you.
Amanda: Nice, I’m going to uncap it, drink it, and kind of survey the party. Even in my inebriated state, does anyone show distaste for the Representative? Anyone behaving kind of suspiciously?
Michael: Speaking of distaste you know what isn’t distasteful?
All, in unison: Most Water!
Amanda: Not the best tasting, the Most!
Eric: Sure, what kind of check do you want that to be?
Amanda: I’m looking to pass unnoticed through this party, so I would call that a Stealth roll.
Eric: Okay, do it.
Amanda: That is a 14.
Eric: Okay. Everything’s focused on the Representative, so wherever she goes, people try to like cut in and like get her attention, so I think she also does this reality show thing, where it’s like when they have a one-on-one, it’s never in front of everyone else.
Eric: So she always like walks away from the whole group. So, you never get a chance to overhear their conversation, but you do hear other people’s conversations, other people talking to each other. Kevin Vacation is showing off his wings saying how rare of an elf he is, because it’s true. You’ve never seen an elf with wings before, and he’s talking about how beautiful their babies would be if they had like beautiful winged humans running around.
Eric: The centaur is again like bloviating around and telling stories. Crews the dwarf is trying out another catchphrase on everyone else. It’s “skadoosh!”
Michael: This guy is just wrong.
Eric: Chad is still convincing people he’s a human.
Amanda: Mhm. Mhm.
Eric: It’s kind of funny it’s like half of the conversations are like self-serving, they’re like, “Wow this is why I’m going to be such a good match for the Representative.” And like half is like, “Wow the Representative is so amazing. I like really need to be by her side.” I think as you’re stealthfully walking around, Inara, you see at your feet is a mud puddle. And you start to sink down into the ground.
Amanda: [sighing] Fine. Does Oatcake come with me at least? I wanna like just grab her as I sink down at like torso level into the mud.
Eric: Yeah, I’m down with that.
Eric: And you’re holding Oatcake to yourself and you see the head producer again!
[voices echoing through the stadium, film reel sound]
Amanda: Oh, wow, I guess this is where you go when that happens!
Eric (as the producer mud person): Yeah, welcome. This is our interview room. Not great sound quality, but we’re doing our best. We thought it was picturesque for you guys, and you get to sit in the chair.
Eric: Inara, can you please make a Charisma roll with disadvantage?
Amanda: [disgruntled] Sureeee, Eric.
Amanda: That’s a 3.
[Michael bursts out laughing]
Michael: You’re screwed.
Eric (as the producer): Um, Inara, thank you for being a part of all this. Man, you almost took a real spill there with the Representative Brink right in front of you. That could have been embarrassing.
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah, you know, Oatcake just- just likes to chase stuff, right girl?
Amanda: I’m gonna like smush her head a little bit. I imagine Oatcake doesn’t look particularly pleased at me.
Amanda (as Inara): But you know I- I just had to- had to go after her, and wow, Representative Brink she’s a real- really pretty up close. Yeah, it wouldn’t have been good if I fell. I don’t wear nice stuff very often. I borrowed this from my friend- my friend Johnny. He’s kind of like my Uncle. Uh, he’s really- really good. Likes florals. We get along. Uhhh, yeah. What?
Eric (as the producer): Man, you just, you're so smitten with her. I mean that’s what it looks to me, like are you smitten with the Representative?
Amanda: I’m gonna like dig my toe in the dirt a little bit and just shrug.
Eric (as the producer): Oh man, I know that when I see it. That’s just- that’s true love right there. So can you see yourself with Representative Brink?
Amanda (as Inara): Can- can I see myself being the companion, partner, and defender of a beautiful powerful woman? Yup.
Eric (as the producer): Great, Inara, that’s all we need. Go enjoy the party.
Amanda (as Inara): Away!
Amanda: And I’m gonna like stick my fist up and just wait.
Eric: [laughing] Nice. And then you get sucked back into the ground.
Amanda: I sink?
Eric: Yeah, you sink back into the ground.
Amanda: That’s hilarious. I thought I was gonna rise up.
[all gradually burst out laughing]
Eric: Tracey, where are you going?
Brandon: I’m going back up to the bunk room. I’m gonna brush my teeth real fast because I don’t think I’ve had a chance to do that in… many months.
Brandon: And I’m going to collect my things and sling them over my shoulder and walk towards… any exit.
Brandon: I don’t think he saw where people came in the first time, but he’s gonna try every door on the way out.
Brandon: Is there like a big oak door?
Brandon: I’m gonna try that door.
Eric: Okay, Tracey, you open one of the doors up and you just walk through.
[sound of crickets chirping, light buzzing]
Eric: And it’s like the mural that you saw before, another one where it looks like sunset all the time, and again you see more big windows, but these like- the mural is less pronounced and it’s just like the windows themselves are huge. Think about it’s like an entire wall of a house is windows, and it’s like one of them every like hundred feet surrounding this. And you realize how enclosed you are in this mansion when you walk out the door. There’s like this winding driveway that goes nowhere. It like ends at this wall and these massive windows.
Brandon: I walk up to the mural and wall area and touch it and kind of feel what it feels like. Is it wood or cement or…
Eric: You know, Tracey, this might surprise you, but it’s- it’s mud. It’s dirt.
Michael: [sarcastically] Whaaaaaat?!
Eric: It’s like etched dirt. I don’t know like, kind of like-
Amanda: It’s like a sand painting, but it’s mud.
Michael: Dried mud.
Eric: Yeah, it’s dried, but it’s like very intricate and like very solid. And it’s really smooth until you get to one of the windows, and when you walk over to the windows it’s like really hard glass and as you look out of the windows, the night sky just opens in front of you and there’s stars everywhere, and you see the two stars of Alonzo’s constellation is looking back at you. And as you look down, I don’t know if Tracey gets vertigo as a living construct, but you just see that it’s just sheer cliff. It’s like this enclosure you’re in is built onto the side of a mountain.
Brandon (as Tracey): Welp, it’s never stopped me before.
Brandon: And I take out my axe and I start chopping away at the window.
Eric: Okay, make a roll.
[low-pitched, ominous tones begin slowly playing]
Brandon: [chuckles to self] That is a 19 + 6 for a 25.
Eric: Tight. You rear your axe back and you just lodge it right in the plexiglass, and it gets stuck in there from the force that you delivered it into the glass, and you have to spend some time like pulling it back out. You really have to yank it out there- it takes a few minutes. And you didn’t break it. You didn’t dent it, it’s not spider webbing. There’s just like an axe slit where your axe went into it.
Brandon: Great, great, great, great, great.
Eric: You wanna just keep chopping away?
Brandon: Keep chopping away.
Eric: Okay. As you’re chopping away, you get tapped on the shoulder.
Brandon (as Tracey): Ahh! What, agh!
Eric: And it’s the producer, the head producer.
Brandon: And I nearly take a swing at this producer.
Eric (as the producer): Whoa, hey, Tracey! Come on! We’re friends, right? I thought we were friends!
Brandon (as Tracey): I mean, friends is a… is a term that people use…
Eric (as the producer): And I use it all the time. We’re friends. Listen, I know this isn’t your thing. Listen, I’ve dealt with warforged before. We’ve got P0R0 here. I have many warforged friends-
Brandon (as Tracey): Do you think we’re all the same, or like…
Eric (as the producer): I think that you share similar characteristics that I can help you with, because it seems like people don’t understand.
Brandon (as Tracey): I mean- I’ve met that person, and uh, I don’t think I’m anything like them!
Eric (as the producer): Hmm… I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it. Listen, Tracey-
Brandon (as Tracey): Do they have an axe?!
Eric (as the producer): Hopefully. That’d be cool. You guys should really fight with axes. Write that down. Hey, write that down! An axe fight.
Eric: There’s the two other mud blobs behind you. One’s holding the tripod and the other one like makes a slate with one of their hands and like writes down, “robot axe fight,” and he says
Eric (as the producer): Yeah, Tracey, well I know a lot more about warforged than you think. And this is just for entertainment, man. Do you think anyone’s going to end up with a government official? What do you think we’re doing here?
Brandon (as Tracey): I have a second idea. How about you play along with me, you tell me where Alonzo is, and I don’t chop your limbs off?
Eric (as the producer): I heard from some little birds that you don’t care for him that much. So I’m going to give you something you might actually care about. I know where you come from. You. Designation TR8c. I know that. I figured it out. We have a really good research team here, and I told you, I know a whole lot about warforged, so-
Brandon (as Tracey): You mean like not the town but like- before?
Eric (as the producer): Where you were built. I know where.
Brandon (as Tracey): What?
Eric (as the producer): So, if you raise your audience score up a little bit, maybe we can make something work. Everyone in that audience just wants to see you and the other robot duke it out. And you just give it to me and I will tell you what you need to know.
Brandon (as Tracey): I think you’ve got a deal.
Eric (as the producer): Shake.
Brandon: Tracey spits in his hand and puts it in theirs.
Eric (as the producer): Tracey
[low tones/music abruptly stop]
Eric (as the producer): I’m mud and even I thought that was gross.
Eric (as the producer): Alright, so Tracey, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to apologize, and you’re just gonna say that you’re ready to play the game, and you’re going to say it into the camera.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, um, from now on can you just tell me exactly what to say at every moment?
Eric (as the producer): Sure.
Brandon (as Tracey): Great.
Eric (as the producer): Okay, so Tracey I want you to say, “Man, I wasn’t having a good time, but now I am. Let’s go Representative Brink.” Alright you’re going to say it on three. 1-2-3.
Brandon (as Tracey): [overacting awkwardly] I wasn’t having a good time, but now I am. Let’s go Representative Brink. Beep boop.
Eric (as the producer): Alright, cut, that’s a wrap.
Eric: The party’s still going on, and after a little while, everyone comes back and the Representative then gets back in front of everyone and says
Eric (as Representative Brink): Oh man, I had such a good time meeting all of you. I had some really great conversations and I’m just excited to see what the next thing happens. Okay, I mean, your first challenge is tomorrow and I’m excited. I’ll see you then. Okay, bye guys!
Eric: And everyone says, “Bye, Representative!” or “Bye, Brink!”
Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] What do I say?
Eric: I like to think you have an earpiece now.
Michael: It’s a piece of mud just in your ear now.
Amanda: 100%. Yes.
Eric: And you have to say, he’s like
Eric (as the producer): [muffled, through an earpiece]: Say bye, Brinksy.
Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Okay… [shouting] By-by-by-bye Brinksy!
Eric: And the Representative turns and smiles and waves to Tracey. And then things start to wind down a little bit while people are like, “Oh wow, the Representative's gone, what do we do now?” Kevin Vacation walks over to the bar and says like
Eric (as Kevin Vacation): [extremely excited] Oh man! Oh man! There’s a- there’s an envelope here! This is crazy!
Eric: And he takes the envelope and he’s like
Eric (as Kevin Vacation): Oh man! It’s addressed to some of us! Okay, cool. Okay.
Eric: Kevin he opens it up and he’s like
Eric (as Kevin Vacation): Oh man there’s a note here! Should I read it out loud?!
Amanda (as Inara): … Yeah
Brandon (as Tracey): Kevin, can you calm- just-
Amanda (as Inara): Just read it… Just read it…
Brandon (as Tracey): Just like read it-
Eric (as Kevin Vacation): Okay, we’re gonna read it out!
Michael (as Johnny): Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, my friend. You need something to calm you down.
Eric (as Kevin Vacation): Okay, well I’m gonna read this first and then we’re gonna just like chill. Okay,
“Crews, Alice, Inara, Ash, Kevin- Oh that’s me, I’m Kevin! Tracey, and Johnny. Our reign will be a dream, but first you need to deal with a nightmare.
Oh man, I wonder what that means.
Amanda (as Inara): Hot tub, then bed. Who’s with me?
Eric: And everyone goes, “Yeah!” and the party gets going.
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeaaaaah!... beep boop.
Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.
Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.
Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.