10: Political Party III

Hoist the mizenmast and secure your treasure chests—it’s challenge day. Inara crushes. Tracey arrests an octopus. Johnny takes the wheel.



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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt

- Multitude: multitude.productions


Eric: As morning breaks you all start to attention. This is the first day of the rest of your lives. I don't know how much sleep you got the night before but you are ready to take on today. Tracey your sentry program ends as soon as the other two start to move around. But you don't have a lot of time to wake yourselves up because a very very large horn sounds from the front of the castle. How do you all feel?

Amanda: Inara is freakin ready to prove someone wrong. I hate being told I can't do stuff. I hate being given a challenge and expected to fail and I can certainly swim and whoever says anything otherwise is going to get a piece of my mind

Michael: Knowing there's limited time Johnny, and I'm assuming Tracey do probably the quick version of their morning yoga.

Amanda: It's really funny to watch Tai-Chi being done at four time speed.

Michael: I also appreciate that each time we talk about this we add yet another thing that we do, it's now yoga, Tai-Chi, and calisthenics.

Brandon: I can actually do this at 16 times speed, while Johnny does it at normal speed

Amanda: Also you don't have human muscles so the fact that you're doing it is just meditative man, its all on the mind.

Brandon: Tracey feels adequate.

Eric: Alright...

Amanda: I am sorry. Just notice what just happened, Tracey feels....

Michael: That's kind of sad...

Amanda: I feel so depressed. Like a rain cloud just passed

Michael: Roll for sadness in my heart, ooo a 17 of sadness, i feel 17 sadness.

Eric: what's Tracey's deal.

Amanda: You have a chessboard friend!

Brandon: I love the fact that you guys... we actually just met like... Well he feels like adequately prepared to take on this challenge.

All: Ooooh.

Amanda: That's not the way you say that Brandon!

Michael: You broke all of our hearts

Amanda: Tracey feels great and sufficiently prepared.

Eric: A guard knocks on your door loudly and says

Eric (as Guard): Five minutes until you're needed down at the gates.

Brandon (as Tracey): See you in four!

Eric (as Guard): Thank you five.

Eric: The guard says to himself

Michael: Nice.

Amanda: Tracey would be one minute early for every single thing you had to do. I love that.

Michael: Johnny takes a moment to write down some stuff into the Book of Light in the diary section and switch over to the spell section and select his spells for the day.

Eric: Are you all bringing any of your pets. Oatcake or Tallahassee bag or...

Michael: Joe the camel I think should just continue to hang out at the stable that he's in. Just because I don't want to put him on a boat unnecessarily, that can be scary.

Eric: No I knew that Joe the Camel wasn't coming.

Amanda: He's getting the literal royal treatment in the stables like why would you leave.

Eric: I like to think it's like 10 like thoroughbred horses with a Joe the Camel just chewing cud. With his cool shoes!

Amanda: Who was heretofore tied up at like the used pet shop in the market like what a rags to riches story here.

Michael: Who knew Johnny was an animal rights activist?

Amanda: Yeah right. Well Oatcake is going to stay behind for this adventure. There are boats, there's water, there may be drowning and I might lose my life. But Oatcake is going to be safe today.

Brandon: I'm bringing the bag.

Amanda: I want to be clear that I am leaving Oatcake plenty of oatcakes, water, apple ,and whatever other fantasy kibble there may be

Eric: Oatcake jumps from one of the beds onto the dresser and then onto the top bunk and then nuzzles herself in one of her pillows.

Amanda: And I'm just going to stick my head out the window real quick and yell

Amanda (as Inara): Hey, hey Stoneface? Oatcake is staying here for the day could you make sure that she's alright just check in with her once or twice. You know just just make sure she's happy and nothing crazy is going on just just come in and say hi.

Eric (as Stoneface): Eyyy, I got another friend to play with. What's going on dog?

Amanda (as Inara): Stoneface, remember that you are literally made of stone and Oatcake is a soft little pup. So just be gentle. Use your inside voice and use your inside level of stroking her hide. Ok thanks bye!

Michael: Johnny is going to attempt to sleight of hand one of the oatcakes out for himself. 14 plus 2 for a 16

Eric: Where are the oatcakes?

Amanda: They are on the floor next to the dresser, I also put the apple near her on the bed.

Eric: As you grab it and you put one in your bag... what's your A?

Michael: Oh no... 13.

Eric: Yeah. You look up and you see a dog with boxing gloves around its neck and it whips its head and hits you in the face with the boxing gloves and you take 5 points of damage

Michael: 5 points of damage.

Amanda: Oatcake does not mess around

Eric: As you're holding your face from getting upper cut by these boxing gloves. Oatcake gabs the oatcake and starts noming on it.

Michael: I didn't get breakfast! I wanted an Oatcake!

Amanda: And now you got two black guys for your trouble.

Michael: I got one black eye! Let's calm down.

Eric: A guard throws open the door and says "All right let's go out to the front. Show time."

Michael: As I walk out I cast Prestidigitation on Oatcake to make her look Vomit Green color.

Amanda: She still looks great.

Eric: She licks her butt a little bit

Brandon: Tracey leaves the room.

Eric: Thank you Tracey.

Michael: I said as I left I do this

Amanda: Inara blows a kiss to Oatcake and follows.

Eric: You are led down the stairs out to the front of the castle, and every time that you explore the grounds you kind of jumped out the left side of the castle. That's where your room was. That's where the training grounds are and that's where the conference room where the representative talked to you. So you're actually going to the right. The guard is kind of leading you the way and you're going through the thick of forest around the castle and there's actually a trail that kind of leads in a different way than you've never been before, it slopes down and up you actually hike half a mile to get to where you need to go. And you come upon this massive lake that you've never seen before. You feel like you should of, or at least felt like the breeze off of it but there it is and that you see a big storm localized right in the center of the lake. Clouds are like bucking and rolling through.

Brandon (as Tracey): I think we found the storm

Amanda (as Inara): Maybe that book wasn't a total piece of crud.

Eric: The Guard leads you all the way down and at the bank of the lake you see Representative Martenson, Alonzo, and Greg who is leaning on a crutch and has a cast over one of his legs. And Representative Martinson says:

Eric (as Representative Martinson): Welcome to the Challenge of the Spyglass. I assume you all prepared well haven't you?

Brandon (as Tracey): Adequately.

Amanda (as Inara): Yup, yup. Totally, totally prepared totally know what I'm getting into here. Yep

Michael: I'm throwing side eye and shade towards Greg.

Eric: Greg is furrowing his face and making stank face at all of you and Alonzo actually waves to all three of you.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi Alonzo!

Eric (as Alonzo): Hi, Hi Tracey.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi!

Eric (as Alonzo): Hi Johnny.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi.

Eric (as Alonzo): Hi Inara

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi!

Eric (as Alonzo): Good luck youre gonna do great!

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi.

Eric (as Alonzo): Hi Tracey.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi!

Eric (as Alonzo): Tracey I said hi. You're all going to be great. I think you're doing a great job. We're going to work together and I believe in you.

Eric (as Representative Martinson): Do any of you know how to navigate a boat?

Amanda (as Inara): I mean I hope someone here knows how to sail, maybe you do Alonzo because I've only done rowboats and canoes and kayaks before and none of us know what we're doing.

Eric (as Alonzo): Oh no no. I don't know how to do this. I'm not actually going. Good luck. You're going to to kill it. But you hey hey you guys you're going to do great. Don't worry. I have full faith in all of you.

Eric: And Representative Martinson says

Eric (as Representative Martinson): yes we know that none of you are inherently sailors but this is the spy glass challenge. This is the year in which we do it, so it wouldn't be fair to break with tradition just because of your skill sets. But do not worry we got you some help

Eric: and as you hear that from your left side you hear singing

Eric (as Captain Alex): ... (singing from afar and gets closer)This motley lot had never been sail. way hey blow the man down and with my great guidance. They may not fail. Give me some time to blow the man down.

Eric: And sidling up in front of you is a halfling woman with red, red hair a pirate hat cocked to one side and who is walking up on a cane of some sort of bone and she waves are you and sats

Eric (as Captain Alex): You call me Captain Alexandra. I'm here to set you straight

Amanda: Inara's eyes widen and she takes a step forward.

Brandon (as Tracey): I'll call you Alexandra.

Eric (as Captain Alex): That is Captain do you Robot Man.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay Alex.

Amanda: Inara goes:

Amanda (as Inara): Tracey do not mess this up for me.

Brandon: And Tracey gets the message and winks but ends up just blinking.

Michael (as Johnny): Mornin captain.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Morning sailor. Glad you're coming aboard. I'm Captain Alexandra Delhigh. You'll know me by my red hair and my kickass demeanor. Don't worry I'm going to show you the ins and outs of my boat. I got here the Down'easter Alexa it ain't much but we will get through this challenge. Don't you worry.

Eric: And Greg actually steps forward and makes a show to shake Alexandra's hand and he says.

Eric (as Greg): Captain Delhigh you're going to do such... I have such faith in you to bring these scoundrels to ship shape form. Good luck everybody. You're going to be. youre going to be great!

Michael: As Greg sidles up to shake Captain Alexandra's hand. I quietly cast prestidigitation to make his hands cold and clammy

Eric: as they shake hands Captain Alexandra takes his hands and goes "ewww."

Eric (as Captain Alex): I owe a debt to the Kiko family, and the least I can do for letting me keep my ship here and giving me safe passage for all these years. All right. I'll show you the ship and we'll go do it.

Eric: She starts walking towards the ship

Amanda: Inara is going to run after her and then try not to look too eager. She's kind of hanging up behind her and says

Amanda (as Inara): So Captain how do you do it. Actually what we have to achieve here?

Eric: Representative Martinson says

Eric (as Representative Martinson): OK hold. Hold on. Hold on. I should probably tell you the challenge before you go running off to get your sea legs.

Brandon (as Tracey): Good Joke!

Eric (as Representative Martinson): I need you to sail the the Down'eastern Alexa to the center of Kiko Lake and retrieve the sphere that we have put there on the island. Then all you have to do is bring it back. You'll see that the storm is brewing as you notice from your clues.

Eric: She chuckles to herself a little bit.

Eric (as Representative Martinson): Don't worry. There is only a storm going one way. We have controls from, let's say we have control from the inside. Now I understand that I did give you the pins before and we want you to succeed. We want you to be our champions.

Eric: She gestures dramatically at Alonzo

Eric (as Representative Martinson): Our champion's body men and women as were

Brandon (as Tracey): Hi Alonzo!

Eric: Alonzo waves back

Eric (as Representative Martinson): Well we want you to succeed but we need to make sure that even in the toughest challenges you are all ready to stand firm and to stand clear. Do you understand? We want you to win. We want you to do what you need to do for the Concentric States.

Michael (as Johnny): Remind me when we get back from this. For me to teach you some pointers on performance. I will help you out so that you can be a little more inspiring. But yes we got it.

Brandon: Tracey extends a hidden high-five behind Johnny's back.

Eric (as Representative Martinson): All right. Well you have Captain Alexandra, you have the ship, you have about an hour to get acquainted with the boat, and then you'll go and sell off into the storm as it were. OK go

Eric: She claps her hands together and let's you go off

Michael (as Johnny):Have a wonderful day as it were

Michael: and then I walk towards the boat.

Amanda (as Inara): Thank you for the opportunity to do this, as it were

Amanda: And then i follow behind Johnny

Brandon (as Tracey): As it were is a weird thing to say.

Eric (as Captain Alex): All right everyone can everyone come aboard.

Eric: The captain gives you a once over of the boat. Basically it's a very large sailboat. There's one main mast with a boom on it and your responsibilities are going to be climbing the rigging which is the netting to get up to a higher plane and you need to catch the sails which you need to secure them with rope. The captain is going to control the boat from the wheel but she does show you what she's doing that really it is the combination of both the wheel and the sails that do it she's just the one that puts it forward. And she even lets Inara put her hands on it and stands behind her while she goes...

Michael: and guides her hands?

Eric: Oh yeah yeah.

Amanda: Does she put her, her hands up on my hands that she does that?

Eric: She does.

Amanda: Thank you.

Eric: There's also a below deck in case you need to go down there and...

Michael: anything of note down there?

Eric: No there's some cupboards and stuff. There's like extra clothes of hers. There's a map of the lake if you want to see it. But I mean it's lake.

Michael: is this her house boat?

Eric: She doesn't live here but like this is hers, she owns it.

Amanda: Are there any bracelets or shirts that look kind of shitty that Inara could steal?

Eric: Yeah there's a sleep shirt that's like oversized and it says "Antipolis Sailing School: We're The Other Best School"

Amanda: Great, so I am going to just take note of that. And if all goes well I would like to steal that shirt before the day is out.

Eric: Sure we'll see what happens

Amanda: after the challenge.

Eric (as Captain Alex): All right. You got you guys have any questions? You're all my mates so I'm happy, I'm open for everything.

Brandon: Tracey raises his hand.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Robot Man.

Brandon (as Tracey): Have you done this before? Like not sailing, but like this challenge before

Eric (as Captain Alex): Oh this challenge? yeah! lets see.... I've done this three times before.

Brandon (as Tracey): And have you ever been successful?

Eric (as Captain Alex): No we have not.

Brandon (as Tracey): Has anyone died?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Not on my watch.

Brandon (as Tracey): That is all.

Eric (as Captain Alex): OK good, good enough, successes and failures OK

Amanda: Inara raises her hand.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Girl with the face, go.

Amanda (as Inara): Thanks, uh who's... what... Why have the people who have failed to challenge fail to challenge?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Well you know they didn't follow directions, they didn't secure the sails when I told them, they didn't duck under the boom when it came over the ship, they fell out of the ship. I mean we're in it, we're going to into a storm. I'm not saying that its not going to be dangerous. I'm just saying, you follow directions, you going to follow the rules, and its going to be fine.

Amanda (as Inara): Has anyone ever gotten the orb.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah. One team got the orb, but they had problems taking it back. That's the hard part.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, why?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Well when you smash your ship into the shore and you can't take it back then you've got to swim it. And that is the hard part.

Brandon (as Tracey): Wait, is this a new ship?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah it, its the Down'easter Alexa the Fifth.

Brandon (as Tracey): oh god...

Eric (as Captain Alex): Well the first three were my fault, but that fourth one was them.  

Brandon (as Tracey): Where those three consecutive? because, are you getting better?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Can you please stop questioning my sailing abilities? I've been the captain of the Alexa for longer than you've been you've been turned on, my robot friend.

Michael (as Johnny): So you would say that the light situation out there is not great?

Amanda: OH MY GOD...

Eric (as Captain Alex): No, its not great, I don't know why you are concerned but...

Michael (as Johnny): I feel like that would help the entire situation if there was more light.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Here's the thing. I've learned a lot of things since the last time we've done this. Sixty years you got plenty of time to think and you know what I've come up with a new trick. You want to see it?

Michael (as Johnny): Of course.

Eric: She walks over to the side of the ship and she jumps off and as she jumps off a flash of light occurs. And now where she was jumping is a marlin that dives into the water and jumps up, jumps back, and then jumps back onto the ship and flops around for a little bit and turns back into captain Alex.

Amanda: So worst case scenario we all turn to fish.

Eric (as Captain Alex): I literally have the fish eye view on this. We are going to be just fine.

Eric: And actually in all three of your heads you hear

Eric (as Captain Alex): Don't worry about it

Amanda (as Inara): So that was weird on lots of counts.

Michael: I'd like to do a magic time fun time check to see where the voice in my head came from

Eric: Sure

Amanda: If that means Arcana. I'll do one too.

Eric: All right.

Brandon: You don't have a magic time Funtime skill?

Amanda: Regrettably that's not on my character sheet.

Michael: That's a 13

Eric: OK.

Amanda: I got 18.

Eric: All right Inara. You realize that the Captain was talking directly into your mind.

Amanda: I blush.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah don't worry. That was me. It's my thing. Ghostwise halfling, you can tell by the hair. So when I'm in animal form, if we need it, don't worry about it. I can talk to you right in your brains. Because I can't talk as a fish.

Amanda (as Inara):  Weird but cool.

Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah same. Me too.

Amanda: I blush a little deeper.

Brandon (as Tracey): One last thing I are we going to encounter anything like I don't know monsters or big scary fish or like giant mermaids

Eric (as Captain Alex): yeah maybe this is the lake where they keep the Water Wierd. So maybe you'll see it.

Brandon: Tracey looks regretfully at his suitcase.

Eric (as Captain Alex): You know if we do this right, and we don't run aground, don't worry, its the thing that controls the storm. Hopefully if we don't do anything to mess with it it will just leave us alone.

Amanda (as Inara): Can we just have a second together? Is that cool captain?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Go ahead. We have about ten more minutes before the challenge starts. Get yourselves together and we'll ship off

Amanda: Alright so Inara is going to gesture for Johnny and Tracey to join me on the other side of the ship.

Brandon: Tracey follows

Michael: Johnny follows

Amanda (as Inara): So I'm not particularly strong, but I can climb real quick so why don't I take the top tier or something of what we have to do here?

Brandon (as Tracey): that sounds good. I think I'll think some of the roping because I had imagined some of those winds can be pretty strong.

Michael (as Johnny): Yeah I'm not quite sure what will be needed of me so I'm going to do my best to stay out of the way and I'm going to make this ship glow glow glow glow so that we can see if we're going to run aground and then we can stop it.

Brandon: As Tracey is walking back and setting up his post he's going to walk up slightly to the captain and say

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey when youre a marlin, can you talk to crocodiles?

Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah

Brandon (as Tracey): oh cool!

Eric: Here's how this is going to work. You guys are all going to get chances to fight against things, and do the things that you need to do to keep the ship moving. All of you get to make one action. The captain's going to help you she's on your side, and some stuff is going to happen in the rounds in between. I'm also going to say that you guys can choose your own order with what you want to do actions

Michael: are things happening between like Inara and me doing something or things happening after all four of us go?

Eric: In waves

Michael: OK.

Eric: All of you are going to have a chance to action before something happens. And then we're going to do some stuff and then we'll see how well you did

Amanda: Cool so Inara is going to run up the netting about halfway and kind of hunker down there and wait for the ship to sail

Brandon: Tracey is really glad that he's been practicing his knot tying.

Amanda: Have you?

Brandon: So he's going to go up to the rigging and be prepared

Michael: Johnny is going to start up the very front of the ship walk his way towards where the captain is and stand next to her as he's going, he's going to cast dancing lights, that's four lights: one is going to be towards the front with the light aimed out and one's going to be at the mast kind of near the rigging where Tracey is going to be up where the crow's nest is and one's going to be in the area where the wheel is. Further he's going to cast light on the boom or the bottom part of the sail that's wooden that will make violent motions as the storms progresses.

Eric: Love it. OK. For this I'm going to say you get advantage on perception checks when looking outwards within let's say about 60 feet of the ship. I will also give you all advantage on dexterity saves if the boom is coming at you.

Amanda: Thanks be to the Light.

Michael: Yeah praise the Undying Light yall.

Eric: Captain Alexandria pulls out a rapier and says "all right off we go" and cuts the rope that's holding y'all to shore. Alonzo is waving vigorously. Representative Martinson is also waving and Greg is also waving and he is smiling real wide

Eric (as Greg): Good luck. See you later.

Amanda: Inara just matters into wind.

Amanda (as Inara): I don't get that guy.

(Quiet music)

Hi, Amanda here. Have you ever rediscovered a sweatshirt that you’d forgotten you owned and haven’t worn in a long time, and lifted it out of the back of your bottom dresser drawer, only to catch a whiff of it and get instantly transported back to your childhood home? This is that magical portal back to a simpler time. Welcome to the midroll.

First and foremost, thank you to our newest Patrons: friend of the show Eric Schneider, Autumn, Alicia, Bob, and audio warlock Mischa, who pushed us over $200 per episode. Just $50 until we recoup our costs for this gorgeous new home studio we are building in Brandon’s apartment. There’s a dog, and snacks. Snacks are very important. If you want to help us finish this studio, join us on Patreon! You can get stuff like bloopers for every episode, blog posts every week, a custom gift, even early access to the episodes. And best of all, an invite to our Patron-only Discord. It is the best.

Another big shout-out to Bridge, our Eldritch Audio Horror, and Hot or Not Matt Fields, who have been recommending up a storm over on Twitter, and inviting new folks into the party. If you want to earn yourself a moniker like Matt and Bridge here, recommend JTP to some friends! We will be inducting prolific recommenders into our hall of fame by bestowing nicknames on you. And, you know, names are power, and whatnot. That’s what fantasy books have taught me. But! If you want a cool name, tweet us or tag us on FB! Or best of all, sit down your nerdy buds next time you’re getting lunch or sitting in the Taco Bell parking lot for your fourthmeal—I don’t judge—and show them how to subscribe to podcasts.

We’ve also been getting a lot of love over on Facebook from Deaf and Hard of Hearing D&D fans. Hi, welcome! I’m signing welcome. I don’t know many signs, but this is one of them. Did y’all know we have transcripts of every single episode, Afterparty, and Punch Bowl interview on our website? Jointhepartypod.com. Get at us. ...I’m signing ‘giraffe’ now. That’s another sign I know.

Finally, our sponsor this week is Power VTT, the easiest way to build and play tabletop games online. They offer free tools and online hosting features for Game Masters and players that make it fun and easy to play tabletop RPGs online without having to learn complicated software, pricing, or interfaces.

I really like the Dynamic Lighting feature. You remember in Pokemon, how you’d walk through caves seeing just a couple steps in front of you at a time? Dynamic Lighting lets you build dungeons and other environments for your players with limited lighting that moves with the player, so the environment unfolds as players explore. And unlike some other GM tools that make you pay to unlock more features, Power VTT has a flat rate subscription. For a limited time you can pay just $2/month for the full suite of over 20,000 assets—everything from wagon wheels to monsters.

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Now, back to the show.


Eric: It's pretty calm for a while and the boat is making its way towards the island in the center. And the storm actually starts to pick up. It's really starting to rain and you get your first real blow of the wind. How do you want to secure yourself to the boat?

Michael: How is the captain securing herself?

Eric: She's holding herself to the steering wheel. She's chilling. This is how she's bracing ourselves and she says,

(as Capt. Alex): Alright, first bout, let's do it!

Michael: Johnny grabs one of the (Star Trek Voice) “Brace Yourself for Impact, Cap’n!” sections of the ship by the captain.

Amanda: Yeah, they’re labels in common.It's really, it's really just convenient to have.

Eric: It says “Hold here” right there. Sure.

Amanda: I'm going to kind of wrap my forearms and also my calves around that, like put them through the netting and then back again, so even if my hand slips, I am braced by something against that.

Brandon: Tracey is taking the length of his own rope and tying it around his waist and kind of like around an arm and around the leg a little bit. So there's not, like, a fault point. And then tying it to a mast.

Eric: Survival check for me, Tracey.

Brandon: (whispers) Natural 20.

Eric: Oh yeah you are hella secured. Tracey, you've got an advantage on this strength check. Tracey and Johnny, you're going to do strength checks against the wind, and Inara, you're going to do dexterity because you're all up in the rigging.

Amanda: That's a 17.

Tracey: 11 plus 3 for 14.

Eric: Cool. So what does he got?

Michael: I got 3. Ayyyyy. OK. (laughs) OK.

Brandon: It was really fun having Johnny on this adventure.

Amanda: It was really nice. At least the light… wait, does the light go away if Johnny dies?

Michael: No, I'm not going to die. I am just going to be like 20 feet away from shore and just swim back. And be like, y’all, peace. Gonna get some tea.

Eric: All right.

Brandon laughs v hard.

Amanda: Steal another oatcake from my dog.

Eric: Inara and Tracey, you’re secured, you’re held fast. Johnny, you let go of the side railing and you tumble backwards. And you take...

Michael: I don't want to hold the side railing anyway. Who cares about the side railing?

Eric: And you take another 5 points of damage. You're also knocked down on your butt and you’re prone.

Michael: I'm going to get up cause I'm prone.

Eric: Yeah. Good. And I take a moment to be like, (as Johnny): “I've never liked the sea.”

(Everyone laughs)

Michael: I grab some rope from my pack. I'm going to tie myself to the structure of the...

wheel… the WHHHeel.

(as Johnny): “Captain, I'm going to tie myself up to the ship's wheel so that I don't do another acrobatics act over here.

Eric (as Capt Alex): I saw that. That was extremely embarrassing. Probably a good idea.

Michael (as Johnny): So I'm going to tie myself here and let me know if I'm doing anything wrong.

Eric: OK. That was a good idea. Advantage on this roll.

Michael: Survival.

Eric: Yes.

Michael: 15 plus it's 2 that's 17.

Eric Okay, that’s enough. That's fine. Yeah, you secured yourself to the steering wheel.

Michae;: Cool. With enough room so I'm not crowding her.

Eric: Yeah, you got like 20 feet

Michael: But, close enough that I'm making Inara jealous.

Amanda: So Inara is kind of looking back and forth between the storm coming closer and closer to us from the front and also behind us at the captain and my teammates. I actually want to get a couple of my daggers out make sure that they are just at my sides and ready to grab if I need them, in case we need to cut a rope or do something quick. I want those quick access.

Eric: Alright, cool, I'll give you advantage on throwing  your daggers.

Brandon: Tracey’s going to yell up to the captain: (Tracey voice) I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Eric (as Capt Alex): Grab the rope and pull! That’s all I need you to do.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, got it! I got an 8 plus 3 for 11.

Eric: Alright, you pull on the rope and it stays taut but you don't feel like you actually secured it in any way. You're keeping it from flying away, but he didn't tighten in any way.

Brandon (as Tracey):I think I did it but I'm not sure I did you can look at it for a second.

Eric (as Capt Alex): That's. All right. I'll call. Yeah, someone. Alright, Johnny, watch the ship.

Michael (as Johnny): Hi ho, Capt-erino.

Michael: And Johnny grabs onto the wheel and goes “OK!”

Eric (as Capt Alex): Just don't move. Hold it there. Just don't... hold it there.

Eric: The captain deftly bounds over to you and pulls on the rope a little bit to the left, and actually the rope moves forward towards her. So like,

Eric (as Capt Alex): You got pretty close but you know, a little stronger next time.

Michael (as Tracey): Aye Aye

Amanda: Inara looks down and says,

Amanda (as Inara): Hey Captain, should I stay up here, how can I be most helpful to you?

Eric (as Capt Alex): You're good. You're quick and nimble and you get to use those legs for whatever you got to do. Good. Stay there.

Amanda (as Inara): What exactly should I should be doing?

Eric (as Capt Alex): Alright, you got to go up there. If everything starts flying off, the ropes are going to start flying off that way. You're going to have to catch it and use your quick, little hands. You can go up and maybe be in Crow's Nest. I don't know. Just like, be useful. You got it.

Amanda (as Inara): OK. OK. I will I'll try my best for you.

Eric: Tracey, you secure the rope using the captain's help. So the boom does not come back around this turn. The storm is now blowing but it's no different than it was before you all feel pretty secure in where you are, even Johnny. I need you all to make wisdom saving throws.

Amanda: I got 12.

Tracey: I got 19 minus one for 18.

Michael: 7 plus 4 for whatever that is.

Eric: Alright, all of you start to hear a whistling sound. It's not like the whistling of the wind, it's like a melodic whistling. You're surprised that it came out this far and you don't know where it's coming from. But you look over to the captain and her eyes glaze over. And she starts walking towards the edge of the boat.

Amanda (as Inara): Someone grab her.

Brandon: Tracey is going to make a dive for the captain and try to like grapple her.

Eric: First do dexterity, if you can get over to her and have fast twitch muscles.

Brandon: I got a 11 plus one for 12.

Eric: OK. Yeah, you make it over to her, and you're a grappler.

Brandon: I am and I roll a natural 20.

Eric: Ayyyy. Right.

Brandon: I also got a plus 2 to my first grapple So I got a natural 22.

Eric: Hey. Good job. So you got her grappled, how do you want to…?

Brandon: OK. So, Tracey is going to kind of drag her back, kind of like lifeguard style. Like she's in front, and he is just like taking steps backwards towards the main mast and then he's going to use his manacles to manacle her to the mast, to the main mast.

Eric: I'll say that she's pretty small and you get her in manacles and she's stuck in there.

Michael: Is she's saying anything while this is happening or responding at all to what he's doing?

Eric: She keeps saying: (Capt Alex) I've got to get off the ship. I got to get off. I need jump off, I gotta, I need to get back, I need to get back to shore.

Brandon: Tracey goes, “Shhhh, no you don't.”

Eric: And she keeps saying that.

Inara: Can I hear that from the netting?

Eric: Yes. You also still hear the melodic whistling.

Inara: Guys, she's just going to turn to a fish and like, flop off anyway… Whatever we can't worry about this right now.
(Eric laughs)
Michael: Johnny fully acknowledges that this is a thing that's happening but he has something very pressing and concerning in front of him. Johnny is very concerned that now that the captain seems to be incapacitated, he is the one steering the ship and he is very confident about himself on this. So, Johnny wants to ready an action.

Eric: OK. What do you want to do?

Michael: Ready an action of being super prepared and super ready for something to cause the rudder and the direction of the ship to shift quickly so that he can counter that and keep us on course.

Eric: Awesome, I’m going to give you plus two when you have to do that.

Michael: Perfecto, mi amigo.

Eric: Great idea.

Michael: So while bracing and preparing himself for the ship to violently turn, I'd like to kind of identify the whistle maybe some sort of check, insight, arcana, something that would help me out?

Eric: Arcana is fine.
Michael: And that's a Nat 20.

Eric: Of course, it is OK. You recognize that a low level enchantment magic, obviously something that's trying to control the captain and try to control all of you. I'll even tell you where it's coming from -- it's coming from below deck. You've got that.

Michael: I'm sorry, excuse me.

Eric: It's coming from below deck.

Michael: So not… the area that we kind of checked already or below that.

Eric: No, it's coming from below deck.

Michael: So it's in the ship.

Eric: It's in the ship.

Michael: The whistling is coming from inside

Eric: From inside the ship.
Michael (as Johnny) Inara, Tracey, I think there's something coming from below decks. It's… could you check it out. It's causing the whsiling.
Amanda (as Inara) Let me at ‘em!

(Everyone laughs because it is adorable)
Amanda: It was fully intact, people. Don’t laugh at my sincerity, y’all. I'm going to jump down from the netting where I'm at.

Amanda (as Inara): Tracey, good luck. Grab something if it comes out you!

Brndon (as Tracey): Got it!

Amanda: And I am going to run toward the staircase with one of my daggers in my hands, the other one that my hip, and try to find out what is making this whistling noise.

Eric: Make an investigation check to figure out where does it coming from.

Amanda: That's an 18 plus 4 for a 22.

Michae: daaaaaaamn.

Eric: Hell yeah. All right. You come down and the whistling is getting louder and you start going through the captain's belongings and you find like a sack of shirts. And underneath is where the whistling is getting very loud.
Amanda: Excuse me, I'm going to take her sleep shirt and loop it through the back of my belt.

Eric: OK. You got to do that. And then you throw the others aside and you see a small music box where the whistling is coming from.
Amanda: I don't have time to ask any questions. Maybe if I did I would but I'm just going to throw the music box at the wall in an effort to destroy it.

Eric: OK. Why don't you make an attack on that?
Amanda: That's a nine plus five for 14. Does this music box count as surprised?
(everyone laughs)

Eric: Yeah, this music Box is like “WHAT?” and smashes against the wall and it shatters.
Amanda: I'm just, I mean, I have I have automatic crit if. Oh ok then. I'm have no more arguments.

Eric: It's a music box! (Everyone laughs) Like it has a ballerina on it.
Amanda: I apologize to the ballerina. So I am going to actually grab a couple of shards of it, whenever it's like scoopable in my hand and stick it into a pocket in the side of my pants. And grab one more shirt on my way out and put it in my other pants pocket.

Eric: All right that was your movement, I would say you've got to stay below decks for now.

Amanda: All right.
Eric: While Inara is below decks,  the captain is still saying, “I need to go. I need to jump in the water. I need to get out. I need to get out.” And she then glows white and she turns into a giant octopus. Amanda: Whaaat.

Eric: Suckers the size of your head, Tracey. And she busts out of her manacles and she's making...
Brandon (as Tracey): That was my only pair.

Amanda: I mean I guess only two of the arms are manacled anyway.

(Eric laughs)

Eric: And she makes a break for this side of the ship and she only makes it to the side of the ship.

Tracey: Alright, we're doing this. Imma grapple with octopus.

Eric: All right. I'm going to say that this is an opportunity attack.

Brandon: I've got a 16 plus three for 19.

Eric: Yeah, she got to 22. So she suckers you in the face and it pushes you off. And she stuck to the side of the ship. The wind actually picks up. And Johnny, I want you to make, I guess, this would be strength and I give you plus two.

Michael: Ohmygod. Nat 20.

Eric: Nat 20, yeah, you secure that ship, you crush it. It actually starts to veer to the right, but you use all of your power and whatever you think a captain looks like and secure and hold it fast. And we are still moving forward. I want to make a perception check.

Michael: 14.

Eric: All right. You actually see that the wind is really starting to whip up and it's actually starting to become more of our hurricane and it's picking up some of the water and there is some fish being thrown at the ship.
Michael (as Johnny): Tracey, watch out for the flying fiiiiish.
Eric: All right, Johnny, I'm going to give you advantage because you're up in the front. Tracey, Johnny, you guys make dex saves, and Inara, make a dex save below deck to see if you hold your footing.
Amanda: That's the 17.

Michael: 22.
Brandon: (whispers) 3
Eric: Inara, you keep your footing below decks, you kind of get pushed up against the side of the wall Johnny, you get hit in the face with a jellyfish. It just kind of gross, like, it's fine. You can just wipe it off your face and say “Yarrr, I’m a captain.” Tracey, my boy, you're spending so much time going after Captain Alexandra that you look up, and there is a very large marlin coming towards you. And it hits you at full speed, luckily it doesn't hit you with the swordfish side, but you get hit by a massive fish and you take…

Brandon: This is very good prop comedy.

Amanda: Would you say he was being filleted o fish.

Eric: I would definitely say that. When you get hit, you take for 8 damage.

Brandon: Got it.
Eric: At this point, Capt Alexandra comes out of polymorph and she's hanging off the side of the ship and she says, (as Capt Alex) “What... what's… what are you. Where am I. What's going on. Why where am I?”

Brandon (as Tracey) God damn it!
Inara: So I hear a smack and then I hear Tracey scream. So Inara our runs back above decks and sees the captain flung over the side of the ship. So I'm going to run over and reach out a hand. Is she so far down that that she can't reach me or…?

Eric: No, she's holding onto the side of the ship.

Amanda: OK, so can I grab at her arm and try to help haul her back over?

Eric: Yes of course, I would just be straight up dexterity.

Amanda: That's a 13.
Eric: OK. You definitely grab onto your arms but you don't get a good enough hold on her to pull her out, but you def secure her. She's not falling anymore.
Amanda: I'm going to hold on securely to inside the ship myself, like use my knees, my feet, my arm to really brace myself.
Eric: I'm down with that. The captain says, (Capt Alex voice) “Who’s right driving the ship?”

Michael (as Johnny): Don’t worrry. I don't know what I’m doing.

Eric (as Cpt Alex) Oh no. Someone grab the rigging before the boom comes back around.
Amanda (as Inara): Tracey, let me get her back on board first. If we're if, we're kneeling over the side of the ship we're not going to hit by the boom anyway. Let's go.

Eric (as Capt Alex): That's not how that works.
Johnny: Do I hear that y’all are going to screw me over?

Amanda (as Inara): I'm trying to help you, Captain!

Brandon: Tracey is going to rush over to Inara and the captain and try to pull them up with the biggest might he can muster.

Eric: Since Inara is holding her, I’m going to give you advantage.

Brandon: For strength?

Eric: Athletics.

Brandon: Rolled 15 plus three for 18.
Eric Oh yeah. You haul both of them up and they kind of like all collapsed on top of you.

Brandon: Do I look good doing it?

Eric: Oh yeah, you look really good. And it's like a dog pile. It goes the captain and then Inara and then Tracey. And you're all kind of like flop on top of each other.

Brandon: From the bottom, I go, (muffled as Tracey), “GODDAMMIT”
Michael: Am I passively able to see anything in front of us?

Eric: You can make a perception check.

Michael: 11 plus two for 13.

Eric: As you get closer and closer, the storm is picking up and the waves are actually picking up a little bit. But you don't see anything strange. OK.

Michael: So we're not about to run aground.

Eric: No, we're still pretty far away.

Michael: OK. I'd like to, using some slack rope that is tying me onto the real thing which I know has a name and I feel bad that I can't say it.

Brandon: Wheel thing is good.

Michael: Wheel thing to kind of help support the wheel in the direction it's in right now.
Eric: I'll give you plus two and they'll stay for the remainder. So whoever is steering that will help them.

Michael: Perfect.

Eric: The captain is kind of stuck on top of the dogpile and she looks at Inara and says, “Thanks for the save,” and gives you a kiss on the cheek and hops up and grabs at the rope that is flying away.

Amanda: So I have advantage on everything now, is that how it works?

Eric: And she's able to hold the rope as the wind and the storm starts to pick up. As you're all kind of still getting your bearings and you pick yourself up, Johnny, from the left side of the water, you see the water starts to change. It starts running the opposite way, like the waves have been lapping towards you. But now, there's a spot that is actually going towards the other way and it's actually shifting and shifting and shifting and rising out of the water is a massive Water Weird. And, as the storm rages and a thunderclaps behind you, the Water Weird flings a watery tendril at Johnny and tries to grab you. Johnny, what's your AC.

Michael: AC is 13.

Eric: So you wrapped the rigging thing around you?

Michael: So the rope is wrapped around the post that the wheel is on and the wheel itself and myself. Eric: OK so I'll give you plus two to AC for 15. The Water Weird wraps its watery tenderil all around you and it makes 13 damage. And you are also now grappled. The water weird pulls you towards the front of the ship and it pulls in five feet. You've been pulled away and you are now in the grip of the water. Michael: So when I am in that kind of happy fun times…

Eric: Your speed is now zero, attack rolls have disadvantage and you have disadvantages on dexterity.
Michael: Here's the good news guys. I am down to 13 health from 36 total, so I'm doing great. Really truly. I'm expending a level one spell slot to cast Guiding Bolt.

Michael (as Johnny): Somehow I know this is old Greg's fault. Hey weirdo, how you like this?! Casting light from my body onto the tendril that's around me and streaking through the entirety of the water weird.
Eric: You have disadvantage on attack rolls.
Michae: That's what I'm getting at. So I’ll just roll twice. That's a 16. And that's... it's 16 is the one.

Eric: All right. So what does that do?

Michael: So that's going to do a 4d6 radiant damage. And the next attack roll against it, people have advantage and it is now glittering and light bright throughout its entire being.

Eric: Alright, gimme that damage.

(Everyone laughs)

Eric: Alright, how did that work for you?

Brandon: Did that work? No, it did not. That is...

Eric: Five, plus charisma.
Michael: Nine.

Eric: All right. It does nine damage and it is a very glittery. It's still holding onto you, though.

Brandon: Tracey yells to Inara: “INARA! Hit my rage swiiitch!”

Amanda (as Inara): You got it, Trace!
Amanda: So with my elbow, I'm going to turn on his rage switch and then leap away from him and take my two daggers right out of my thigh holsters. And I'm just going to sink them right into the tendrils that are holding Johnny.

Eric: Are you hitting him with both? OK. Roll for AC.
Amanda: 14 plus 5 for 19.

Eric: Oh you get that armor class. All right, so you're going to do two dagger attacks and you're going to add one D6 to both.

Amanda: Two plus three is five.

Eric: five.

Amanda: With this five, its 10.

Eric: 10. And then roll D6 twices towards you.

Amanda: 12. And then one will have one. All right. 13.

Eric: Great. What does it look like when you run up to this thing? You're sneaking too.
Amanda: Yeah. So I am going to run just along the side of the ship, crouched down, and then spring up at the last minute and in the air sink my two daggers into the meaty part of the arm that is holding Johnny.
Eric: The storm booms again and the water weird drops Johnny. Since it's water, you see the daggers go in but like, it's not the same thing as human. So you actually only do seven damage but it does drop Johnny.
Amanda: I'm going to retract the daggers though as it drops away from me.

Eric: That's great.

Amanda: First of all I'm really glad that I keep my daggers, named Patience and Fortitude and I don't want to lose them.

(Eric laughs at a library joke)
Amanda: And then I'm going to disengage from this whole situation, I hope Johnny fine, but I'm going to run back toward the mast so that I can be near the center of the boom, in case it starts flapping wildly.
Brandon: Tracey, seeing this is his moment to finish off the Water Weird. He turns to Johnny, and says “Thanks for lighting him up, Johnny!” And then I want to take out the javelin from my pack and I want to tie it to the loose end of my rope. And then throw it into the water weird.

Eric: Make a survival check first, just for the knot, but I’ll let you do both.

Amanda: This week on HDTV, DIY harpooning.

Brandon: My survival was a 6 minus 1 for a five.

Eric: You tie your rope around the javelin and it looks kind of loose but you don't know how it's going to go. Roll against AC.

Brandon: OK, so I got to 19 plus three from my strength and plus two from my rage. That is a 24.
Eric: Yeah. Oh yeah, that javelin goes in there. Roll for damage.
Brandon: That would be a 5 damage.
Eric: Oh yeah, you do three damage to the water weird because there is resistance against piercing damage. But it looked really cool.

Amanda: Inara says, “Good try, Trace.”

Eric: The captain again is pulling against the rigging, like, Alright, guys I got it. Don't worry about it. And the rope comes totally out of her hand. Inara and Tracey, I want to make dexterity saving throws. And you have advantage.

Amanda: 24.
Brandon: Natural 20.

Eric: Yeah. You guys both duck out of the way deftly and the water weird is now swimming away and Tracey. You know, you're lucky, that was a crappy knot because it actually does unfurls.

Brandon: My incompetence has come in handy.

Eric: It absolutely does. The rope unfurls and that things aren’t attached. The water weird swims away. And as we're getting closer and close to the island, you see that you can't make it there because the water weird has conjured a massive wave to block you from getting to the island. Johnny I need you to make a strength check to steer the ship.

Michael: I do believe I have a plus two to do that.

Eric: You do.

Michael: 16 total.

Eric: OK Johnny. You make a hard left and you steering around the wave.
Michael Fast and Furious style where I'm leaving like tracks in the ocean, maybe?

Eric: 100 percent.

Amanda: You're just skewing gravel trails behind you.

Eric: The sail is kind of flapping wildly in the wind and the captain says, Alright we gonna grab that thing so we can come in softly. We don't want to run aground and ruin the ship.
Brandon: Tracey is going to try to run and grab the rope.

Eric: I think you ought to do dexterity rather when it's flying wildly.
Michael: Now that's ridiculous.

Eric: That’s real.

Amanda: That’s real! Listeners, it’s real.

Brandon: I tried to tell you at the beginning of the game, my D20 only rolls natural twenties and crit ones.

Eric: You snatch that thing out of the air and you have it secured against your body. The island is coming closer and closer and closer, even with this fast and furious style steering that Johnny’s been doing.
Amanda: I'm going to scale the netting and climb up into the crow's nest and crouch gargoyle style with the inspiration of my best friend Stoneface behind me. Sorry, Oatcake. If anything comes up, I will be ready and tensed and waiting to strike.

Eric: Alright, acrobatics.

Amanda: 16.
Eric: You scale that thing, you get right up there and crouch in the crow's nest and the captain says, “Everybody secure yourselves. We're about to land!” You navigate the ship around the wave and it goes on to this small like rocky patch on the left side of the island.

Michael: Guys. I just parallel parked a ship. Let's just be clear about this.

Amanda: You did, Dad, you did.

Eric: You graze some rocks coming on and you bump the ship on the landing but nobody takes any damage and you are safe! And you have parallel parked the Downeaster Alexa!