Our party has a massive problem: a quixotic stone giant in the Antipolis ruins. Can they make it to the city without falling under its charm? Inara pushes. Johnny takes a bite. Tracey blows his horn.
The party continues on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr @JointhePartyPod! On our Patreon page (patreon.com/jointhepartypod), you can unlock exclusive bonus content like cut scenes, bloopers, character backstories, player blog posts, Dungeons & Dragons game tips, and so much more. Transcripts are available for every episode at http://jointhepartypod.com, and merch can be found at http://jointhepartypod.com/merch. Have stories or questions for the next Afterparty? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit http://jointhepartypod.com/contact.
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: The Pool Party is on so everyone bring the floaties. Inara, Johnny, and Tracey take in the sights at the Fidapolis mural, only to get roped into a grandstanding ghost show from Marcus Magicperson
Eric (as Marcus Magicperson): Over in Antipolis everyone is saying there are ghostly birds flying around ghostly fish swimming in the river and something's happening.
Michael: Marcus Magicperson, more like Marcus Magicfraud.
Eric: But there’s no time to wonder, because they’re being sent out on a mission. The Speaker needs Alonzo the Champion and his security team to go to Antipolis at once. And they’re flying in style in Capt. Alex’s airship with her computer friend.
COMWAY: I am the conjured onboard modeling wing always for you. But you can call me COMWAY.
Eric: Everything is smooth sailing, until
Amanda (as Inara): Why are we being divebombed?
Eric: Those flying ghost monsters attack the ship. They crash land on the ruined left bank of Antipolis, only to find themselves in the shadow of the biggest foe they’ve ever faced - an actual giant.
Eric (as Zubi): Is this a ship I see before me?
Eric: Do you play your D&D game at me, sir? I do not play my D&D game at you, sir, but I do play my game, sir. Let’s get the party started
Eric: Let's pick back up with Johnny. Johnny, you did not run after Alonzo, right?
Eric: What are you doing?
Michael: So, the very first thing I want to do is ensure that Captain Alex is fully herself and not charmed by the big old friendly giant dude who's friendly and is big though.
Eric: How do you do that.
Michael: I can look at her, her eyes aren't glazed over?
Eric: make a perception check.
Michael: Let's do that. That makes sense. 18 plus 2.
Eric: Oh, non-nat 20. OK. You look deep into Captain Alex's eyes and she immediately slaps you.
Eric (as Captain Alex): What are you? Get out of my face! I got to check on the ship.
Michael (as Johnny): Ok Captain, check on the ship. I'll look to see if there's a way across. And I guess I'm going to let Tracey and Inara try to get Alonzo back.
Michael: So, I'm going to search to see if there's a bridge, a boat, enough driftwood to fashion some sort of raft, literally anything to prepare for us to eventually run the heck out of there.
Eric: OK. So, you landed pretty close to the river so you can walk over to the river bank and pick a direction whichever way you want to walk.
Michael: We landed a little south of the ruined town yeah. So, I'd like to go north and see if maybe I could wave over someone from Antipolis to see if they maybe even see me.
Eric: Sure. You go over to the riverbank and you jump up and down and wave your arms.
Michael: I'm also casting light and like...
Eric: Yeah there's nobody on this other side of the river. There was like a few like abandoned fishing boats over on that side. But there are no people.
Michael: And there are no boats on this side?
Eric: Well after you do your fireworks display. And semaphore.
Michael: I have flags and I'm...
Amanda: Johnny was in color guard so yeah.
Eric: He was the color guard.
Amanda: Johnny still is the color guard.
Eric: That's you, that's actually his class, color guard.
Michael: Yeah. It's true.
Eric: You walk north up the river and for a while, you don't really see anything and you're getting really close to the outer edge of the ruins. And finally, you stumble on two boats. The two boats are the size of small speedboats. There are two engines on the back that seem inert at the moment and in each boat, there is a chest with a bunch of stuff in it.
Eric: There's no one around that I can see, right?
Michael: Perfect. Great. I'd like to go through the chests.
Eric: Ok cool, which one you are looking. The one in the boat in the right or the boat on the left.
Michael: Well I want both. So, we'll start with the one on the left I think.
Eric: OK. The one on the left has just some extra sea equipment. There's like a really small anchor some extra oars and there is a slick oilskin bag that has a knot on the top of it.
Michael: Am I passively detecting any sort of magical happenings.
Eric: Not passively.
Michael: Can I actively check?
Eric: What are you just like in general?
Michael: I just want to make sure...
Eric: Like what magic vibes?
Michael: I'm just always worried about traps, like traps just constantly. If I'm about to like open up something and traps.
Amanda: Three questions on Johnny's mind at all times. One, what's the light situation, two, what's the magic situation, three traps.
Eric: Ughhh OK fine. You pick up the oilskin bag and it feels really familiar. This is a similar magical energy resonance than you felt before. Inside you feel the same resonance of arcana as you did from Marcus Magicperson.
Michael: Oh ok. I'm going to open it, let's see what's inside.
Eric: You open it and there are about 50 scrolls in this...
Michael: Oh my God.
Brandon: You could make so much money.
Michael: Do these seem like at all more effective/real/less fake than Markus Magicperson's?
Eric: just from the scrolls that are still rolled up you feel like they're the same.
Michael: Well the bag is useful at least. I take the whole thing with me and I want to search through the other chest.
Eric: You just take the whole bag?
Michael: Yeah. The bag’s what's useful to me.
Brandon: You left the scrolls?
Michael: No no no I took the scrolls too because it's going to be more work to take the scrolls out. I want that bag though. So, I'm just taking it.
Amanda: And now we can make it rain on Tracey. He'll be like a cat in catnip.
Michael: Exactly. What's in the other chest?
Eric: You walk over to the other boat and you just kind of look through the chest and it's more like sailing safety supplies.
Michael: OK. I'm going to take a look at those engines, try to see if maybe I can get one started. I'm going to be the getaway driver so I want to determine which of these boats are the better one and get all ready to go.
Eric: Sure. The engines are all the way in the back and the engines are in the water. Imagine it's like a speedboat and there's a button to turn it on and off.
Michael: I'm going to turn one on and kind of get it more towards where the Uptown Girl crashed so that I can maybe wave Alex down and see if she has anything she wants to put on the boat.
Eric: Ok cool as you hit the button and it starts going vroom and you get...
Michael: And I have sea vehicle proficiency.
Eric: That's right.
Michael: That is actually useful!
Eric: You're becoming more of a Long Island dad.
Michael: Oh my gosh this is amazing.
Eric: You back out really easily. And I want you to make a perception check.
Michael: Sure. That was a 4
Eric: As you were backing out from the shore in a sweet six-point turn.
Michael: Because I'm proficient at it.
Eric: You're very very good at this. You're just taking in the waves, you're ready to use your vehicle proficiency. You take eight points of damage from a very sharp bite. That happens right on your butt.
Michael: So, what... what... what...
Eric: As you turn around you see there are three fish locked onto your butt you're not exactly sure how they got up there.
Michael: And they're still alive?
Eric: Well here's the thing about these fish. They are the strangest fish you've ever seen. They actually look a lot more like skeletons than anything else. You know when you see a cat in a cartoon-like eat an entire fish and it is just the bones, it just looks like just the bones.
Michael: OK. So, I'm going to dig through this bag and see if there's a fish/anti-fish/fish-b-gone scroll.
Eric: Rhe fish are still attached to your butt.
Brandon: You're just looking at these scrolls with fish attached to your butt?
Amanda: Are you going to cast Color Spray on your own butt or something?
Brandon: Color your butt! Color your butt!
Michael: As much as I want to, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, I'd like to see if there's a fish be gone scroll in there.
Eric: You're just going to dig in a panic?
Michael: I'm going to panicky dig through and see if I see one.
Eric: Why do you roll an investigation check to tear through these girls.
Michael: 13 + 3 I believe.
Eric: OK. You pick up five from the oilskin bag as you open each one. They are just all the same and they're all of the scrolls that you saw Tracey with earlier before. And as you open all five of the scrolls you hear splashing in the water and you see more of the skeleton fish are swimming towards you.
Michael: With my nat-20 in arcana have I recognized that this is against or attract the fish?
Eric: I don't think you need a check to put two and two together.
Michael: OK. I'm going to toss the scrolls out of the bag into the water. Keep the bag because the bag is very useful.
Eric: And then the, I guess I'm going to take out my quarterstaff and start hitting my butt? I don't know what else to do... like a back scratcher. But for my butt.
Eric: I like that. Roll an attack roll for me.
Michael: OK. Literally, I hate this thing. Nine.
Michael: How much damage did I do to myself? It wasn't a 1! I feel like it wasn't a one. I have an AC of 13. So, I did not hit myself.
Eric: You swing at the skeleton fish on your butt and you managed to hit all of them off but you also do hit yourself a little bit. And I want you to take 5 damage. Also, as you turn around and you see the scrolls fall into the water. A swarm of skeleton fish swim over to the scrolls and just devour them.
Michael: I'm going to direct the engine towards Alex and away from that swarming fish.
Eric: As you were the engine to life you manage with your dope vehicle proficiency to one hand drive the speedboat away. I want this image burned into your brain. Johnny tried to hit himself in the butt while also steering a speedboat at the same time.
Brandon: How are you securing your bonnet to your head?
Michael: It was a tie so that it's still there. I'm in full beach mode. I still got my socks and sandals on.
Amanda: This is vacation wear.
Michael: This is vacations are, and I guess I'm going to start moving towards Alex and at some point, the fish will be gone and at some point, I'll get to Alex?
Eric: It's not that far away. And you steer the boat towards the Uptown Girl.
Eric: Tracey, Inara, what are you doing?
Amanda (as Inara): Totally not cowering in fear, man.
Eric: The last thing that you saw was Zubi the Giant pick up the soldier with the golden helmet and stick him to his chest and the soldier slowly turned to stone and is now a part of Zubi the Giant.
Brandon: How far away is Alonzo from me.
Eric: Alonzo from you is 20 feet away. The squadron is about 100 feet away.
Amanda: Can I use Mage Hand as a free action to try to trip Alonzo
Eric: Not as a free action.
Amanda: Can I use it as an action action?
Eric: Well what I want to do first is I want everyone to roll initiative. Inara what did you get?
Brandon: I got a 3!
Eric: Nice! Good job
Brandon: Thank you! I practiced really hard and worked a lot.
Eric: What are your speeds?
Brandon: My speed is 30.
Eric: The first person in the initiative order is the giant.
Amanda: Oh good.
Eric: Zubi casts a hand towards the scouts looking at him and says
Eric (as Zubi the Giant): I'll make a ghost of any dream that heads toward me. Be gone be gone. I do not need you in my life now. You are all apparitions and I did not believe in your existence. Be gone be gone
Eric: and he swings a massive club towards all five of them and he connects with every single one. It's like chopping down a whole bunch of flowers with one swipe of a garden shear. And all of them topple over and they take a whole bunch of damage. Even the charmed ones. Every single one of their breastplates are actually like dented in some way. You got to understand this great club was the size of a tree with a stone head on the top of it. So, it's like they all got whacked with a boulder at high speeds
Amanda: Inara is going to grab Oatcake’s collar and pull her a little bit closer.
Eric: and Zubi stumbles back a few steps which is the equivalent of 40 feet. It is now Alonzo's turn and Alonzo staggers forward towards Zubi entirely in a trance. And he just gets closer and closer to the giant. The two charmed soldiers then get up as well and start to stagger toward Zubi. Their eyes are totally glossed over they're just walking. They're just being pulled towards the giant. They can't control themselves. One of the soldiers calls out to the two of them and says "hey come, stop, hey come back please, please. What are you doing?" No response, all of them are calling out to the soldiers and they can't get back. Inara it is now your turn.
Amanda: I want to cast a major hand to grab at Alonzo's ankle and try to trip him. Ideally pull him back and as I do that I want to run toward him so I can manhandle him back toward us.
Eric: What's your strength?
Amanda: My strength modifier is 0.
Eric: Oh, Alonzo got a nat-1. So, what does it look like when you cast mage hand?
Amanda: As I'm running forward I'm going to stretch one arm out in front of me with my hand kind of doing like a twisting motion with one finger outstretched and out of it will unfold the Mage Hand, like a shadow in Disney's Fantasia coming out of my hand. I picture it like Mickey Mouse's hand.
Eric: It's exactly like the Mickey Mouse hand.
Amanda: And I'm going to aim it out toward Alonzo's ankle to grab him and trip him up so he can fall flat on his adorable annoying face.
Eric: You grab him right by the foot and the mage hand actually undoes his shoelaces at the same time. And he just eats it totally face down on the ground and he's now prone.
Amanda: Great. I'm going to try to run low to the ground just in case the giant hasn't seen me yet. Against the odds. And I'm going to yell over my shoulder.
Amanda (as Inara): Tracey come here come here, help me get him over to cover!
Eric: Tracey it's your turn.
Amanda: Oh no.
Eric: That is not a good look on Brandon's face.
Brandon: So, the whole point of this mission is to keep Alonzo's safe. In that vein...
Eric: Oh no...
Brandon: What Tracey is going to do.
Eric: It's always bad when you have to justify your action before you do it. You know you're going to do something bananas.
Michael: To keep him safe, I will murder him now so he can't die later.
Amanda: Some Isaac Asimov type shit.
Eric: Alonzo isn't doing what he's supposed to do. So, I'm just going to take his life before he can try anything else.
Brandon: So, what I'm going to do, is bolt in the opposite direction away from the giant, away from everyone else, pull out my help horn and start horning as much as I can.
Eric: What are you trying to call?
Brandon: I'm trying to get the giant's attention so he can chase after me.
Eric: OK I want to make Charisma roll.
Eric: OK as you sound the horn, what does the help horn sound like? I don't think I've ever asked you that.
Brandon: It sounds a little lower than you expect it to be. It sounds like a ram's horn.
Eric: You bring out the help horn and the giant looks up at you.
Eric (as Zubi the Giant): Now even my dreams are yelling back at me, a horn and calling me back into sleep. What do you want? What do you need from me?
Brandon (as Tracey): Leave my friends alone!
Amanda (as Inara): release us of your charms and just go back where you came from, please.
Eric: The giant looks around and can't figure out what you're saying and says,
Eric (as Zubi the Giant): my dreams are talking back to me words words words I do not understand what you need me to do. This is no one's home. This is the Dreamscape and I am only living in it for this temporary time. Please let me leave.
Brandon (as Tracey): I think it's time for you to wake up.
Eric: All three of the soldiers that aren't charmed. Take out their bows and fire the giant and all three of the arrows whiz by the Giants head, and the Giant just holds its hands over its head.
Brandon (as Tracey): Inara, let's just leave. I don't think he wants to be here anymore than we do.
Amanda (as Inara): Trace. I couldn't agree more. Come help me lift Alonzo.
Eric: It's now the Giants turn and the Giant just runs back into the ruins and its steps ricochet off of the ruins like a thunderclap and it continues just to get gone. And as Alonzo picks himself up off the ground dusts himself off
Eric (as Alonzo): How... guys where I was at... Where are we. What's going on?
Eric: And you are all out of initiative.
Amanda (as Inara): Oh, thank God.
Brandon: Thank you.
Amanda: No, that was in character.
Amanda (as Inara): Alonzo, follow me. We have to get the heck out of here.
Amanda: and I'm going to start running dragging Alonzo by the sleeve toward where Captain Alex is.
Eric (as Alonzo): How did I... What. Where are we? What's going on?
Amanda (as Inara): You got charmed. There was a giant, he said some things that sounded like a book I didn't read in school. It's a long story. Let's just please let's get to Captain Alex Johnny went somewhere. The party split up. It was bad.
Eric (as Alonzo): I guess. Yeah, that's the worst thing that could happen. OK yeah, let's get out of here.
Brandon: Tracey points over to the guards and says,
Brandon (as Tracey): You there. Come here, let's talk.
Eric: The two guards who have been walking zombified towards the giant, one of them does the same thing that Alonzo does. He stops moving and just kind of looks around wildly. while the other one takes off in a dead sprint towards the giant into the ruins and you have no idea where he went.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey that sounds like a bad idea!
Eric: The three soldiers who haven't been charmed try to ready themselves together and then in some sort of like approximate military arrangement. But they are still so beat up from the Giants club they can't really hold themselves together. And the soldier who was charmed takes off his helmet and he has long scraggly blond hair and waves over to everybody and says.
Eric (as Evan): We got to stop. We got to leave this guy alone. Zubi knows better than we do. Can we just all hold on for a second?
Eric: And he waves over to you guys.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hello.
Eric (as Evan): Hi.
Amanda (as Inara): Hi. We, we crash landed here on the shore. Definitely meant to be on the other shore. Can you help us ferry ourselves over this river into the city we're here on a diplomatic mission? This guy might not look like a lot but he is the Champion of the Concentric States.
Eric: And Alonzo pumps out his chest and says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Yes, I am. Don't worry. Soldiers of Antipolis. We are here to help you out with whatever's going on. You, guy what's what's happening here. We're here to help
Brandon: Tracey whispers under his breath.
Brandon (as Tracey): Inspiring...
Amanda (as Inara): we are, we are totally still where the giant is can we please all go toward the river. How did you guys get here is there a bridge? Is there a boat?
Eric (as Evan): Yeah. Let's go to the, you know the things that goes in the water and then they can just zoom around.
Eric (as Evan): Yeah got it. All right. We should all. Let's. Yeah, let's go over there. And he starts walking downriver with the rest of the soldiers.
Amanda: And I'm going to be calling out to him as he goes.
Amanda (as Inara): I know all about boats. We had a boat challenge recently and my friend Captain Alex is really really cool I actually have a t-shirt from her and we're just we're great at boats we love boats.
Brandon (as Tracey): Our boat crashed!
Eric (as Evan): I'm sorry to hear that.
Brandon (as Tracey): We need another one.
Eric (as Evan): What boat? what are you talking about?
Brandon (as Tracey): It was like an airboat.
Eric (as Evan): It was like a boat like flies through the air like, and flaps one of the things?
Brandon (as Tracey): A bird, have you heard of a bird before?
Eric (as Evan): I have, bird boats. I don't, I am I'm not good with words.
Eric: And the blonde-haired guy walks up to all three of you and shakes your hand heartily and he says
Eric (as Evan): Hi hi I'm Evan. It's nice to meet you. I think I can I can tell you what's going on. Once we get back over to to the...ugh what do you call them?
Eric (as Evan): No no boats, boats, that's what we're calling them. OK. we will get over there.
Eric: the other the soldiers are just walking out ahead and not give Evan any mind.
Amanda: Are we near Captain Alex yet?
Eric: No, you're actually walking in a different direction from the ship.
Amanda (as Inara): Wait, we have one more person over there and our ship crashed we have to grab stuff from it can we just go back that way first.
Eric (as Evan): OK. You know hey guys. Hey guys. I'm going to go with these my new friends going to check them out, you know to do the things that we're doing for scouting. You know we're going to figure it out is that all right we're going to stay here? You're not going to leave me, right?
Eric: And the other three soldiers say, yeah don't worry we'll be right here. Don't worry about it.
Brandon: Tracey steps a big sidestep away from Evan and says
Brandon (as Tracey): Friend is a strong word right now.
Eric (as Evan): New friends, yeah new friends. Ok, I'll see you guys in a little bit. That's cool. I'll see you later. Bye.
Eric: So, as you're walking towards the ship, Evan is just like chattering away. He says
Eric (as Evan): Yeah this is like my first time going on a scout mission. I think it's really cool like the Antipolis like Guard is like getting me do all this stuff and you know it was crazy. I mean the giant, I've seen him before but not like this, it all is totally it's totally crazy with the Blackfish doing their whole thing. And then with the monsters of the ghost is all these things.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey hey hey hold up, Blackfish?
Eric (as Evan): Yeah you know it's like the thing with the danger and with fighting and people aren't happy with each other. And what do you call it when
Brandon (as Tracey): Boats.
Eric (as Evan): No, it wasn't boats...
Amanda (as Inara): War?
Eric (as Evan): that's close. It's like when someone is unhappy with someone else but in government and its problems are happening together.
Amanda (as Inara): Feud?
Brandon (as Tracey): Revolution?
Amanda (as Inara): Rivalry?
Brandon (as Tracey): Coup?
Eric (as Evan): All right yeah. One of those words. Yeah man, this is totally crazy. You know it's just I'm just having a... It's cool. I mean there's so much so much going on. It's crazy.
Amanda (as Inara): Let's let's go back to the ghosts. What is happening around here? We heard tell back in Fidapolis of just ghosts everywhere.
Eric (as Evan): Oh yeah tons of goes crazy crazy ghosts.
Amanda (as Inara): Ghost what? like people? ghostly presences? ghostly noises?
Eric (as Evan): I mean like there's ghost fish and there's ghost birds and there's the ghost whale. It's crazy. All of it all of these ghosts.
Amanda (as Inara): Cool, where do they come from?
Eric (as Evan): Which? all? which? like when like ghost eggs hatch into ghost...
Brandon (as Tracey): Were they here before?
Eric (as Evan): Like birds? Yeah. We've had birds the whole time!
Brandon (as Tracey): Ghost birds. Were there regular birds that were real and then there were ghost birds?
Eric (as Evan): Yeah. No, the ghost birds are different, the ghost birds...
Amanda (as Inara): Are are they new? When did they come here? When did you see your first ghost bird?
Eric (as Evan): Oh ok. I remember...
Amanda (as Inara): just just the time not the description.
Eric (as Evan): Well I mean I remember it because I was eating breakfast and I had this thing on... it's like you know you spread it on bread?
Brandon: Tracey keeps walking forward.
Eric (as Evan): You know you spread it on bread and it's really sweet
Amanda (as Inara): So sorry, my friend Alex is here
Amanda: and Inara is going to run forward with Oatcake following to greet Captain Alex is she still kind of cowering behind a stone? or not cowering but hiding really beautifully and in a composed way
Eric: All right we're going to go back to Johnny while this happens. Johnny, you've pulled up in your boat and you turn back and there are no skeleton fish following you and you drive the boat back to the ship and Captain Alex just kind of climbed on top of the gyrocopter poking around at it and figuring out the damage
Michael (as Johnny): Anything useful to salvage, captain?
Eric (as Captain Alex): I mean if we can get this thing off the ground, if... we were I we would have been able to fix it if that massive hunk of purple dreamy idiot didn't steal half of our wings we can't get this thing off the ground unless we actually get some real mechanics work done on it.
Michael (as Johnny): There's no way we can hook it up to the boat and to drag it across to the civilized side?
Eric (as Captain Alex): That would be me hooking myself up to Tracey and then I would try to swim him across the river so I would say no.
Michael (as Johnny): no, the boat...
Eric (as Captain Alex): it's a metaphor. It's a comparison between two things. Have you heard of a metaphor before?
Michael (as Johnny): No, I haven't met her before, who?
Eric: Hachacha. As Alex is giving Johnny an English lesson, you two walk up with oatcake and with Evan from behind you.
Michael: And Alonzo, right?
Eric: Oh right! Alonzo is like kicking a rock. Like behind you guys
Michael (as Alonzo): Aww shucks no one likes me...
A: It's like a kite dragging behind him on a string
Michael: or like a really droopy balloon with like very melted ice cream in his hand.
Amanda (as Inara): Hey Captain. Oh Johnny, good I thought... why do you have a boat? Anyway, Alonzo totally got charmed. Fine now, we got him back. Don't worry about it. But there is definitely still a giant behind that gigantic column somewhere. Can we get across the river? This is our new friend I guess. Evan.
Brandon (as Tracey): Friend is a strong word.
Amanda (as Inara): Friend, friend is a strong word Tracey that we're going to use in a strategic manner. Until we get over the river.
Eric (as Evan): And I would say friend because I feel strongly about both of you. Hello. Hi, I'm Evan. Hi.
Eric: He waves to you too.
Michael (as Johnny): Afternoon Evan, how are you? Alonzo, nice to see you all back. Hey, listen before I give you a chance to talk how about we all just get on the boat and head towards Antipolis.
Brandon (as Tracey): Are there snacks?
Michael (as Johnny): Captain Alex did you save any of the snacks?
Eric (as Captain Alex): No, I was not... snacks were not a priority. I guess they might be in there. I don't know. We can't fly this thing. I'm thinking about some better things at the moment.
Amanda (as Inara): We're the city guard right now. I bet he has access to some pretty good snacks. Not to mention the protector you have in the realm.
Eric: Johnny are you out of the boat?
Michael: I'm still in the boat.
Brandon: Are you just yelling from the deck?
Amanda: I picture you like one foot up on the prow of the boat proudly displaying your tivas and socks
Michael: Holding a cold brew.
Eric: No, I can envision it, I really like it. Evan sees you on the boat and he pulls out a long sword and he says,
Eric (as Evan): Hey you stop, that's the property of the city guard of Antipolis. That's my boat.
Brandon: Tracey shoves Evan.
Eric: Tracey make an attack roll.
Eric: Yeah you shove Evan and you push into the ground.
Michael (as Johnny): I knew this was your dear Evan so I brought it here because I knew you'd be here and I knew you need to use it to get back over to Antipolis. I'm your new chauffeur service.
Amanda (as Inara): You know it is really common in Fidapolis for friends to just have little just just friendly tussle just little shoving matches.
Amanda: and I'm going to just like very gently with two fingers push Oatcake back
Eric: Oatcake falls on her butt.
Amanda: And then I'm going to scratch her head like, aww good girl. Good girl.
Amanda (as Inara): See Evan, see just like that.
Eric (as Evan): Oh OK. I mean I guess. Yeah, I guess. Thanks for bringing the boat the boat around. I wasn't asking for any sort of like, you know that service where someone like does a thing for you because you pay them and
Michael (as Johnny): President.
Eric (as Evan): Yeah President... yeah no. Thanks, I appreciate that.
Michael (as Johnny): Hey that's what friends do. Anyway, this is a lot easier than walking back with those other guys. So how about we all get on it and get towards Antipolis.
Eric (as Evan): I'm OK with that. The only thing is that. Man, what do you call it when it's a group of people who are trying to do something bad and they use fear and attacks to like
Brandon (as Tracey): Terrorists.
Eric (as Evan): Oh yeah, we should probably stop the terrorist group that's like running... that I think like has overrun the city guard. We should probably do that first.
Brandon (as Tracey): Evan, you're really bad of your job, aren't you?
Eric (as Evan): No, I'm actually very good at my job I just can't remember that word that I'm always looking for.
Amanda (as Inara): Let's talk about it on the river.
Eric: Captain Alex hollers from the top of the ship.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Why don't... I gotta keep just looking at this thing and I'm going to keep this thing safe. Just come back here and get them to fix this thing as soon as possible we can't leave without it so I don't know. there are only like 4 seats in that boat anyway so I'm just going to stay here to get them to fix this thing and come back as soon as possible, all, right?
Brandon (as Tracey): Do you need the weapons or protection or anything?
Eric: Captain Alex nods her head and turns into a panther. And in your head, you hear her say,
Eric (as Captain Alex): naw dog, I think I'm fine.
Brandon: Tracey is colored impressed. I don't know if that's the right way to use that.
Amanda: Inara is riveted.
Michael: Johnny is a little hungry.
Eric: You're always a little hungry.
Eric (as Evan): So, it was all right hop aboard. Let's go stop them.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hold on, I want to try to get some snacks.
Brandon: Tracey get to run back to the airship but kind of trying to pull Alex aside real fast
Eric: Sure. You knock on one of the windows and Alex falls down as a panther and lies down on the bottom of the ship.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey Alex I've got a question for you about marine life
Eric: And in your head, she says,
Eric (as Captain Alex): yeah, I know plenty of things about marine life. What are you talking about?
Brandon (as Tracey): I got this bag here this briefcase is supposed to turn into an alligator at some point but there's a word that I don't know and I can't talk to it.
Eric (as Captain Alex): What? What are you talking about?
Brandon (as Tracey): I know it sounds crazy.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Yes, that's bananas. And I am a panther.
Brandon: So, I hand Tallahassee's Bag over to Alex.
Eric: You put the leather bag down on the ground and at first, it is just a large hand-held suitcase and the Panther kind of like paws at it once and paws at it at another time and like swats at it once and then little alligator feet come out of the bottom of the bag and it starts to walk around on its own. And they kind of like circle each other and circle each other and Alex the Panther keeps pawing at it. And in your head, you hear two words
Eric (as Captain Alex): Let's Play.
Eric: And the bag then suddenly turns into an alligator.
Brandon (as Tracey): Whoops I wasn't expecting that!
Eric (as Captain Alex): I think I figured out the code word.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey thanks, Captain, how do I get it to un-alligator?
Eric (as Captain Alex): I don't know man, you asked me for one thing. It's probably fine.
Brandon (as Tracey): Playtime's Over.
Eric: Yeah. The alligator turns back into a bag. Suddenly like a pop in the air, it turns back into a bag.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Hey, you got that on the first try.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey I'm good at some things. You got any pretzels left?
Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah, they're up there.
Eric: The panther points a heavy paw up to a shelf.
Brandon: Tracey grabs the pretzels offers a couple to Alex and then sprints out the door.
Eric: Alex catches them all out of the air and eats them. Evan claps his hands together and says
Eric (as Evan): Let's take two. Dang, it's a thing where it's like running water but it's not still water and we can cross it and it's right there.
Amanda (as Inara): River.
Eric (as Evan): Let's take to the river. Let's go.
Amanda: Hand resting on the motor just waiting.
Michael: Just waiting. Yeah, I'm doing that thing whereas they get closer I kind of speed away from them a little bit and then slow down and then speed away a little and then slow down.
Amanda: Well I am ready to vault into this boat so I have my pack over one shoulder I'm going to grab Oatcake under my other arm and jump on into the boat.
Eric: Acrobatics roll.
Eric: It's not graceful but you managed to launch yourself and not get anything wet even. Even Oatcake is dry.
Michael: That's the goal.
Brandon: I barrel afterward and try to do a very elegant ballerina leap into the boat.
Amanda: I think you're going to sink our boat
Brandon: 18 plus 3 for 21.
Eric: Oh yeah. Long Jump, and still running stop on a dime right in the center of the boat
Brandon: and I bow a little bit.
Eric: And Johnny as you pull further away from the river. Try to keep Evan from getting in. Evan goes the full sprint takes a hard stomp on the edge of the river and with uncanny grace and prowess jumps ten full feet from the riverbank right into the boat. And he even throws up his hands in the air like a gymnast at the end. He says,
Eric (as Evan): Actually, I'm very good at my job.
Michael: How about Alonzo.
Eric (as Alonzo): Hey guys wait for me! Hey, come back!
Hey, it’s Eric. You know when you go to your favorite restaurant, like a Mexican place that handmakes their tortillas. And you get the enchilladas like you always do because it’s huge and delicious and has two kinds of mole. But it’s so big you only eat half of it, and put in the fridge. So you go about your life, and you wake up the next day looking for breakfast. And you see the alluminum plating and you get down on your knees and thank the gods that these enchilladas were so big. This is the leftovers. You even got extra guac.
Thank you and welcome to our new patrons, Hot or Not Matt Fields, Alice, the Notorious STOLTZE, Merrilee, The Half Gun Half Orc Anne (who upped her pledge), Darcy, JJ, Candice, Jay, Kim, and our FIRST Party VIP, our highest Patreon level, Keegan! This week on the Patreon Discord, I get really really excited about Super Mario Odyssey and we have strong feelings about the new Overwatch characters. We’ve even added a new goal - more merch commissions. We love Paola’s designs and we want even more from all the artists, and on all the items we can! So join the party at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
This episode is sponsored by 20 Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York. This is my favorite game store! It was one of the first ones I went to when I moved to New York City, and now that I’m off the same subway line, I feel like I go there at least once a week. Co-owner Lauren Bilanko, who we interviewed in our Punch Bowl, is smart, caring, open... she’s just the best person you want working behind the scenes at a game store. So go check it out if you’re in Williamsburg, NY, and if not, you can see their website at twentysidedstore.com
We’re also starting a new segment with Lauren. It’s called “Master, Dungeon Master.” If you have any questions you’d like to ask a game store owner—game recommendations, D&D advice, presents coming up for the winter holidays, this is your chance. Just hit us up at the regular places you do (@JointhePartyPod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, jointhepartypod.tumblr.com or our email, email@example.com) and ask her some questions.
And, as always, we’d love for you to take a second and review us on Apple Podcasts. They may be eldrich wizards siphoning your positive reviews to summon a demon of some sort, and it’s what took away the headphone jack on the new iPhone, but it’s also what gets us to the top of the podcast charts. So, right now, go on iTunes or the Podcast app and review us! A five-star makes so much of a difference. So, in advance, thank you.
Now, let’s get back to the show.
Eric: You pick the Alonzo back up from the beach and Fish where are we going?
Michael: Do I see the other watercraft going towards the city?
Eric: No, the boat is still over back where you found it.
Michael: So, let's head over towards them and try to see if we can meet up with them and head on over to the city together.
Eric: as you're steering the boat over. You realize that the boat sinking a little bit. And Evan says
Eric (as Evan): oh yeah these are like four-person boats we can't have five people in them. One of us needs to get out and switch. I mean they're only like six of us before so it wasn't such a big deal. But we lost two of our guys. So, there's only three of them. So, we could be four and four. So, we will be fine
Brandon (as Tracey): but we have to get there first, without sinking.
Eric (as Evan): I mean, we can make it, we'll make it back over there. We're just gonna have to switch things. But remember I was saying before, I don't, I don't trust these guys. I think some of them might be the Blackfish
Amanda (as Inara): Black bread?
Brandon: A rush of the horrible memories of frogs and waiters’ outfits comes back to Tracey.
Brandon (as Tracey): Who are the Blackfish?
Eric (as Evan): Yeah.
Michael: Throughout the story, I'll be dumping water from our slowly sinking vessel.
Eric: it's not too heavy it's not sinking.
Eric (as Evan): OK. We have problems in the city. You guys don't look surprised.
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah no I don't think they would bring us here if you guys were all OK.
Eric (as Evan): Oh yeah, I guess. Yeah, that makes sense. Do you do you know why you're here? Do you know what's going on at all?
Michael (as Johnny): To bring the Undying Light to all those who worship darkness.
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah. Don't ask any questions about that. The problems, ghosts, political stuff, it did seem to have some kind of like abandoned city situation going on over here. Yeah, we're we're here because because things are bad but we don't know exactly how or why.
Brandon (as Tracey): Alonzo supposed to make you guys feel better about everything.
Eric: Alonzo says,
Eric (as Alonzo): Am I doing it? Is it working?
Eric: And Evan says
Eric (as Evan): no this is not helping at all. OK. What do you call a thing that shows up unannounced and is really scary and terrifying and worrying the entire city? Is there a word for that?
Michael (as Johnny): Existential Threat?
Eric (as Evan): Yeah that's pretty close, let's say existential threat. Let's see how much. OK. In the middle of the water when it starts to rain. A giant Ghost Whale shows up and terrorizes everyone. How's that are you with me so far?
Brandon (as Tracey): That's insane.
Eric (as Evan): I... we would agree with that as well. I don't have the right words to say exactly what's going on but people aren't sure what's happening. I mean it got Zubi, it made Zubi leave. And he was the entire thing powering our city. That column in the middle of the city. It's it makes the whole city work like the water doesn't flow and that means the rivers don't work. And then all of our farming stuff goes away. And when the ghosts showed up, Zubi is a stone giant Zubi built this city, both cities. And he only feels okay when he's around rocks like if he's not there. He thinks it's a dream. He thinks he's literally in a dream and we've seen him leave like, he's like freaked out before, he's like five hundred years old. He's so old and he built both these cities and he's the one who turns the circle in the middle you know he turns it and that like let’s all the water out and makes everything work. But when you see a massive crazy whale ghosting in the middle of the river he, he lost touch, with he lost touch with you know the thing where you're living.
Brandon (as Tracey): Reality.
Eric (as Evan): Reality. He lost touch with reality.
Amanda (as Inara): Evan this isn't me being mean, but did you start to lose words when that ghost whale came?
Eric (as Evan): Oh no, I'm just, I'm always like this.
Amanda (as Inara): Cool cool cool, just wanted to check.
Eric (as Evan): Yeah, I know. I'm from. This is like my first. I'm not from around here. I live all the way out in the country so all these like words. It's not great for me. I can't. I have bad... I can't remember a thing.
Amanda (as Inara): Recall.
Eric (as Evan): Yeah, it's recall. I've bad word recall and... But I know I can do it, I can do it. I might have like look like a farm boy because I am.
Eric: And if you take a good look at him he has like buck teeth and just like shimmering blue eyes you will only see into like a very cute puppy.
Eric (as Evan): But I can do this. I'm worried though that the people who I'm working with, these guys that they were part of people who are worshipping the ghost, the ghost whale. They think they're the ghost whale is here to make everything better. And that's terrifying and nobody likes that and bad things happen. So, I need to figure out which one of these guys is working for the Blackfish, that's what they call themselves to make sure that they don't get back to the city. I mean they have if it starts to rain...
Eric: He looks up.
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah. No no, we got to hurry. Is there anyone that you trust in the city once we get there that we should be talking to.
Eric (as Evan): I mean yeah, I trust the I trust the Representative, I trust Representative Shields. I trust, I guess like I took my family with me and we're all there. Yeah, there are a few people. I think we can figure it out. But I mean the worst thing we could do to try to fight a giant who doesn't know where they are is to pick another crazy monster to follow. Right?
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah agreed. What's the best litmus test to figure out who is not who they say they are? So, like a question that only Blackfish will know?
Eric (as Evan): I mean, I don't know, as long as they're not the one driving the boats. I think we should be OK.
Michael: So, I drive over to the other boat and slow down ours. I jump over to the other one and I start trying to turn it on.
Michael (as Johnny): Hey guys let's get you all set up here. Oh. Oh, Devar dammit this thing isn't working. Must have been shaken up by all the Giant Steps. Hey Tracey. Pass me some rope.
Eric: Why don't you make a deception roll.
Michael: 18 + 4.
Eric: Oh dang. OK. All three soldiers take their helmets off. You got a dwarf with big bushy eyebrows and a beard that streaked with black and silver. There is a female Tiefling with one horn right in the center of her helmet which she has a very specific helmet which lets her have the unicorn horn right in the middle of her head. And there is a very large half-orc with one blue eye and one brown bag and the half-orc walks up and says,
Eric (as Geneva): Wait wait wait, hold on, what was wrong with the boat? What's wrong with it?
Michael (as Johnny): Well I'm here with the chauffeur service trying to help you guys out of here. I picked up Evan earlier and these guys and I was testing the boat earlier and it seems this one I was able to fix. There was actually a ton of problems with it. I guess the giant stepping around rattled the engine enough that you know the carburetor is not where the ferberator is, the arcane tubulars are just not even where they're supposed to be. I was able to scrounge up some parts from my pack and make this one work. And I think there's enough power in it that we can hook up the other boat and tow you guys right into shore. We'll fix it up for you. No problem its part of the warranty.
Amanda: Inara is just grinning.
Brandon: You've been deceiving so hard that Tracey believes you at this point. Tracey's like
Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, the Arcane Defibulators!
Michael (as Johnny): Oh those, cobubleators are are certainly off, yes.
Eric: The half-orc steps close to you, they narrow their eyes and say
Eric (as Geneva): Ugh, not again now with the defibrillators.
Michael (as Johnny): Yeah you know this... I think there's something wrong with the factory, I've made very many calls about that but it doesn't matter what replacement's over you know. So, let's just head on over.
Brandon: Tracey threw some rope over to Johnny
Michael: Johnny starts tying it on to the other ship so that it gets attached.
Michael (as Johnny): Tracey over here I want to make sure that you're able to hold onto the rope. Make sure it doesn't snap. You all get on this boat here and hold on to it.
Eric: The Tiefling speaks up and says
Eric (as Callie): Wait, wait, hold, can we stop? Really, Discombobulators?
Michael (as Johnny): Listen I totally get it. You're very concerned about this boat getting fixed and I know that we're going to be able to get it fixed. But unfortunately, over here we're in giant land. Will you be in happy Antipolis land? So, let's just get over there and we can sort that all out there. Let's just get across this river before any kind of rain happens
Eric (as Callie): Chauffeur service? Can I see like any sort of... who says you're a chauffeur?
Amanda (as Inara): I'm sorry if no one told you yet but we're actually the personal chauffeur service of Alonzo Kiko. You may or may not have heard of him but he's actually the champion of the Concentric States so I make sure not to mention to your boss or anything not that your captain is right here because you're acting captain. Evan, the other one that I'm really sorry about that. But we just really need to be getting over to the other shore. And I will just pretend that this didn't happen as long as we get over there in a timely manner.
Eric (as Callie): Well wait wait a second. You think that Evan is our boss. Torbjorn, Geneva they think that Evan is our boss.
Eric: the half-orc just laughs out loud just right in Evan's face and the dwarf is like wringing his hands through his beard and just like looking up at the sky.
Amanda (as Inara): I don’t really make it a habit of asking people about their positions, hierarchy's papers, or whatnot. But we should just all get over to that shore and then we can all walk to the court together talk with Representative she's expecting us to listen.
Eric (as Callie): This corn-fed doofus over here is nobody's boss. He started like three weeks ago.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey let's calm it down a little bit
Eric (as Callie): So, let's not do anything.
Michael (as Johnny): I think this is all great. But unfortunately, these two ships got to get right back to the port. We can talk about whether or not he eats corn or he eats cow or eats whatever. while we're on our way there let's just get moving because if not I think this ship's setting sail about now-arino
Michael: and I get onto our ship and motion Tracey over to the other one.
Brandon: Tracey jumps on the other ship
Amanda: and Inara is going to stand up and say
Amanda (as Inara): why don't we switch seats
Amanda: to the Tiefling. Who I was just talking to you.
Amanda (as Inara): Sounds like you have a lot to talk about, I bet you and Johnny can really hit it off.
Michael: I'm going to start the engine to kind of show them that if they're not on the ship now that I'm leaving
Eric: The Tiefling stands up and says
Eric (as Callie): Hold on, ok. Your champion-ness.
Eric: She half bows and Alonzo looks up. He's been looking across the city and he looks up and gives an official wave. The dwarf looks up in the sky and says
Eric (as Tombjorn): Yeah, we oh we got to go we need to go. It's going to start raining soon. We can't be out here. You know what happens when it starts to rain
Amanda (as Inara): In charge lady, go in that boat. Beardy guy this way.
Amanda: And Inara steps into the boat where Tracey is.
Eric (as Callie): All right let's just yeah let's just get back across the river. It's fine.
Michael: What's the light situation?
Eric: That's actually a very good question. The clouds have gathered in the sky slowly at first and now all at once it got really dark
Michael: I cast dancing lights directing one to the stern and bow of both ships and I hold my quarterstaff with one hand while I'm using my other hand to man the engine having the undying light illuminates the area around us and we feel its warmth as we cross over this darkness infested river
Brandon: bring it ghost fish, come at our light.
Amanda: I'm going to sit at the very front of that front boat looking backward so I can watch the two guards and Johnny as well as the boat behind us
Eric: the half-orc is about to get in the back boat and he says
Eric (as Geneva): Wait, are we just going to leave the two other guys here? We're going to leave them in the in the ruins? Come on. We all know that Belto shouldn't have been wearing that crazy gold helmet in the first place. But Wilkes didn't do anything. He just got caught up in the charm of that thing. We're not going to go back and get them?
Amanda (as Inara): Won't it wear off?
Eric (as Geneva): I don't know. Hopefully eventually. But he's gone. He's somewhere in there.
Michael (as Johnny): Let's get back over there to Antipolis. Get some more people, get some more supplies, see if we can rescue your friends. The only thing we can do now is get to safety get to dry land and let's just get over there
Eric (as Geneva): I guess.
Eric: The Half-orc sighs deeply and says
Eric (as Geneva): OK. But I'm sitting in the front of his back boat. Excuse me.
Amanda (as Inara): I mean normally the tiniest person goes in the front but I'm just a professional chauffeur so whatever, I'd be happy to sit in the middle.
Eric (as Geneva): Great well I'm glad you're a professional.
Eric: He sits down looking forward to you guys. And the dwarf, he's like straight up pulling out his beard while looking up at the sky and says
Eric (as Tombjorn): we got, we got to go. We need we got to go. Come on we got to go.
Brandon: Tracey whistles over to Johnny. Does like circle motion and then stares directly into the half-orcs eyes and does not let that gaze go
Michael: the engine starting, we're rolling.
Eric: Great. Let me tell you about the river. You've only seen it from above at this point but down on the ground and trying to steer through it is pretty long. It is strong and steady enough. It is just like a constant moving of the water. It is not only extremely long that you envision it goes all the way down to the ocean at some point but it is pretty darn wide. So, Johnny, you've got to keep a hand on the engine to keep it going.
Michael: It sounds good to me
Eric: Up in the front. The Tiefling started talking to Alonzo
Eric (as Callie): Champion, I guess I don't have anything better to call you than champion.
Eric: Alonzo says
Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah. Champion is fine.
Michael: What a dick.
Amanda: I can't believe we have to save this guy over and over again
Eric (as Callie): Champion. What are you planning on doing here? Are you going to bring Zubi back? Or are you going to fight that Ghost Whale? Like why are you here
Eric: and Alonzo says
Eric (as Alonzo): you know I'm going to do the best that I can to make sure that Antipolis is safe and we're going to be fine. Johnny can you tell them why we are here.
Michael (as Johnny): We're going to see what we can do to help bring the water back and see if we can provide some stability and show that you know the city-states can work together and just as we're going to work to bring you back water, we will work together to bring peace to the land, and stop the likes of whatever bad group doesn't want there to be good things happening because good things are great things and you heard that from me, Goodlight! Good things are great things, good light.
Eric: The Tiefling just kind of nods along as you're speaking
Michael: Can I insight as she talks and do all these things.
Michael: it's a 13 + 3. Yes, she's on board with everything you're saying. She really likes it.
Eric (as Callie): You think you can do all that? wow, thank you!
Michael (as Johnny): We won't do it alone, you'll help out.
Michael: I give her a wink
Eric (as Callie): Oh me? I can do, I'll help?
Michael (as Johnny): Why wouldn't you want to help?
Eric (as Callie): No. No reason. It's a really big job I guess. I mean kill a giant, a giant ghost whale. I guess we can do it.
Michael (as Johnny): What else is going on? Other than giant and ghost whale, is that it?
Eric (as Callie): I mean those are two pretty big things.
Michael (as Johnny): I mean, yeah you have like two things, but it could be like 15 things.
Eric (as Callie): No. I mean what do you what do you mean?
Michael (as Johnny): I was kind of bit by some weird fish earlier
Eric (as Callie): weird... weird fish.
Michael (as Johnny): They were like skeleton and Ghost-ish.
Eric: The Tieflings eyes get very wide says
Eric (as Callie): what was... what was the weather?
Michael (as Johnny): Sunny.
Eric (as Callie): That's... so that's not good at all. Everyone says that the Orkus brings with it massive flights of ghostly ghastly birds and fish. Really everyone has been saying it only happens when it's raining. Did you do anything?
Michael (as Johnny): They seem to be really attracted to certain scrolls that I've found.
Brandon: I thought you were going to say your butt.
Michael (as Johnny): And my butt, so shapely
Eric (as Callie): I would say you have a nice butt.
Michael (as Johnny): Thanks.
Eric (as Callie): Where. What scrolls?
Michael (as Johnny): It was on this very ship actually.
Eric: She stares at you.
Eric (as Callie): What, this ship?
Michael (as Johnny): or the other one, I got a great bag of it!
Michael: and I show her the bag.
Eric (as Callie): That's that's my bag.
Michael (as Johnny): Oh. Well, I'll handsomely pay you for this bag. It's a wonderful bag, stuff inside of it probably would have meant your death had you tried crossing the river with it.
Eric (as Callie): I mean they told us to pack like anti-magic scrolls.
Michael (as Johnny): Who are they.
Eric (as Callie): I mean you know the people who gave us stuff.
Michael (as Johnny): Was there a specific order that came from? Because it sounds like what they want is the opposite and they wanted your death.
Eric (as Callie): I'm from the Antipolis guards, I mean you know...
Eric: Evan pipes up and says
Eric (as Evan): you know, what do you call it like when you go out for a mission. And like someone gives you the supplies you need?
Michael (as Johnny): Quartermaster
Eric (as Evan): Yeah, I guess. Yeah, those guys.
Michael (as Johnny): Yeah. So maybe let's check in with the quartermaster at some point. But yeah, those scrolls are definitely attracting some of these, not great fish things.
Eric: From the back of the ship. The dwarf holds up their hand and says,
Eric (as Tombjorn): can you throw me just like the biscuits we have in there? I'm hungry.
Eric: The Tiefling roots around like in the chest. She pulls out the biscuits.
Eric (as Callie): The ones vary from your pack, right?
Eric (as Tombjorn): Yeah just toss them back here.
Amanda (as Inara): No no please don't! Does the ghost whale eat biscuits?
Eric: All four of the guards including Evan turned to you and say
Amanda (as Inara): Cool. Good. I was I was just figuring testing if you really knew your ghost whale animal facts. You succeeded
Brandon: I want to roll insight.
Brandon: 14 +1 for a 15
Eric: The ghost whale does not like crackers. The Tiefling tosses the crackers back and Tombjorn grabs them out of the air and the half-orc turns to Inara and says
Eric (as Geneva): Listen, you think that we are messing around here? I mean this is important. Like it's a monster. It eats people. They disappear. They go in there and they're gone. Like we just lost two men out there not because of crackers. Because of insanity, we got to fix it somehow. So, it's very important to us.
Amanda (as Inara): It's my job to walk in the bad situations and try to keep them from getting worse. So, if we can avoid baiting the ghost fish with some biscuit that it may or may not like, in the same way, that it sounds like you got some scrolls handed to you that were actually meant to capsize your ship. I'm going to try to avoid that.
Eric: The half-orc just narrows his eyes and sits down right on the front of the ship and is keeping an eye on you.
Amanda: Keeping my eyes right back while petting Oatcake. She really enjoys boats by the way I don't know if you guys are wondering. She is trailing one little nail in the water like little surf waves like you do with like your toe in the water and a boat
Michael: I'm doing like some turns. So, it looks like a nice design that Oatcake is making in the water. One day going to try to be friends with her.
Amanda: She appreciates the overtures. I am. I should mention making sure no shadows are rising up from beneath us in the water. I'm watching the water and watching the half-orc.
Eric: I'm going to have you pick one.
Amanda: I'm going to watch the water.
Brandon: Tracey's watching the half-orc.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey Johnny, we there yet?
Michael (as Johnny): Don't make me come back there or turn this boat around.
Brandon (as Tracey): Come and try it!
Amanda (as Inara): No. No, but really...
Michael: I start slowing down, no no just kidding
Eric: as you reach the halfway point of the river. The clouds are getting extremely dense. It feels like it's nearly nighttime and the dwarf in the back stands up and says
Eric (as Tombjorn): we need to go. This is too... This is too much. We are out in the middle of the river and it's about to rain. Go go go. He stands up and starts to walk forward on his boat and he tries to push past Tracey
Brandon (as Tracey): Tom sit down. We're almost there.
Eric (as Tombjorn): No, we got, I get no...
Brandon (as Tracey): I understand, there's no way you can make this go faster unless you jump overboard so either jump overboard or sit down.
Eric (as Tombjorn): Neither, I want to do neither of those things. I think I can make it go faster. I know a way to make it go faster.
Brandon (as Tracey): Tell me how?
Eric (as Tombjorn): I just need to get to the front boat.
Brandon (as Tracey): No, you tell me and I'll tell Johnny
Eric (as Tombjorn): No, it's not, that's not how it works. I just need to get past you on the front of the boat.
Brandon (as Tracey): No
Eric: he's going to try to do a strength contest against you to get past you
Brandon: 14 plus 3 for 17.
Eric: He uses both hands wildly. And just like gets you out of the way and you your strength roll is high enough that you don't fall out of the boat. But it definitely rocks over to the side. And he keeps pushing forward.
Brandon: Tracey yells out
Brandon (as Tracey): Johnny dwarf incoming.
Eric: And he's rushing past Inara and towards Geneva and trying to get between you.
Amanda: I'm going to try to block him.
Eric: What do you do.
Amanda: I am going to push my cloak aside to have one hand and my dagger and hold my hand up knowing that I cannot stop him with the body force but I can stop him with intimidation and say
Amanda (as Inara): Buddy I'm really going to need to ask you to stay in this boat. We can't have five people in the boat in front of us
Eric: make an intimidation check.
Amanda: that's a 12.
Eric: The dwarf keeps moving forwards like
Eric (as Tombjorn): I don't, I don't care, I can do, I am a guard of the Antipolis Guard. I can do this. Excuse me.
Eric: And he pushes past you. And as it pushes forward and he stands right in front of Geneva it's says
Eric (as Tombjorn): Excuse me I just I got to get forward. Please let me through. I need, I got to go.
Eric: and Geneva puts a hand on either one of the dwarf shoulders and says
Eric (as Geneva): Tom, I've known you for a long time now and don't worry everything is going to be just fine.
Eric: And Geneva pushes him overboard. And he takes out a dagger that he has in his back pocket and cuts the rope.
Amanda: I'm going to yell
Amanda (as Inara): Tracey. Start the motor
Amanda: and go to stab Geneva.
Brandon: So, with one hand I'm going to smack the big red 'on' button on the engine and then with my other arm I'm going to use the long arm of the law to try to grapple Tom out of the water and rescue him.
Eric: Cool. All right make a strength check.
Brandon: 18 plus 3 for 21.
Eric: All right. Like a fishing rod out of the back of this boat. You cast the long arm of the law back over your shoulder and it opens up and grabs Tombjorn's armor right in the front. Inara. I want you to make a stealth roll for me.
Michael: Is he waterskiing behind y'all now? Cause the engine started.
Amanda: That's true. That's a 12 plus 5 for a 17.
Eric: I'm going to give you your Assassin bonus.
Amanda: Yes. So that means I have advantage against creatures that haven't taken a turn and I crit actually against surprise creatures.
Eric: Yes. So, you have a crit and you plus your sneak attack
Amanda: Great let's go. So, I am going to use the hilt of my dagger to knock Geneva out cold but hopefully keep them in the boat because I want to interrogate them later.
Eric: OK. Roll 1d4
Amanda: 2 + 3 is 5
Eric: And I need you to roll 2d6.
Michael: Good lord, you are murdering this man.
Amanda: So, it was a total of three
Eric: 13. OK. Earlier all the guards got messed up by Zubi. So even though you try to do non-lethal you still got the jump on them with the assassinate. How do you do this?
Amanda: I'm going to put one foot up on the seat of the boat and just lunge forward with my dagger hilt first into the side of Geneva's head
Eric: with that 13 damage, you hit them in the head and it just knocks them out. And he also falls backward off the boat
Amanda: I turn around and say to Tracey
Amanda (as Inara): Oops.
Brandon (as Tracey): leave him, let's go.
Brandon: And I reel my long arm and log back in.
Eric: Yes. As you reel Tom back into the boat. Tom tries to reach a hand out to wherever Geneva fell into the water and he comes up empty.
Brandon (as Tracey): You want to sit down now so we can go?
Eric: Tom spits out a bunch of water and says
Eric (as Tombjorn): Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
Brandon: And I speed off in the boat to try to get to the other side of the river.
Eric: As you guys are speeding away to the other side to Antipolis. It starts to rain. And Tombjorn at the bottom of the boat still coughing up water says
Eric (as Tombjorn): no no go it's happening it's starting. No no!
Eric: As you're speeding away, Inara is still looking down at the water behind, you see a school of these skeleton fish following your boat and snapping behind you. And in the sky, if you look up the messed up bombleades with the ashen feathers are flocking around high in the sky. And something big is coming out of the water something 5 10 15 times the size of your boat's. If it wasn't so extremely terrifying. It might look actually beautiful. And behind you opening its massive jaws is a whale, its flesh falling off of a gleaming white skeleton. And in between its two teeth is the body of Geneva, and it swallows the body whole, armor and all, and dives away.
Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.
Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.
Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.