21. Bachelorette Party I

Our adventurers write home and start a new journey. Tracey and Johnny are in sync. Inara dives into the void.



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- music: brandongrugle.bandcamp.com


Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt (featured as the Announcer)

- Multitude: multitude.productions


Eric: Last time on Join the Party

Eric: We had our pool party, and what a pool party it was. Inara, Tracey, and Johnny have come into their own… now if only their adventuring party had a name...

Eric (as Alonzo): If you need anything, just call Alonzo and the jailbirds

Michael: I actually don't hate that.

Inara passed her initial assassin test, Johnny got some one-on-one time with the Shadow of the Undying Light, and Tracey got an upgrade -

Brandon: So now on my left arm I have a thunder cannon which is essentially a big gun that shoots magic bullets.

In the end, the party deserved a party for defeating the bone whale, so Representative Shields takes them to an exclusive club.

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Welcome to the Representative Club or as I like to call it Döove and Böoster's.

They got new items, new levels, and new appreciations for ball pits.

And you have a new arc! But the same podcast.

Let’s get the party started.

[Theme music]

[crickets, birds chirping, bell ringing in the distance]

[pen writing]

Eric (as Alonzo): Dearest Gregory,

You know, I originally thought it’d be fun to start this letter like I’m going off to war or something, but then I thought that that was kind of morbid, and then I thought I should trust my first instinct, and then I thought why I’m writing this in the first place, and how I’m kind of going off to war- kinda. So I stopped but I already had the thing at the beginning, so... you know, this is just kind of getting away from me. 

So I’m going to give you a heads up this time because I learned that not telling you stuff- or especially when I’m going somewhere- is bad. Because then you get your leg hit by a robot with a big axe. And I just told you what I was going to tell you, so I’m just going to keep going forward then.

I need to know what’s happening with these arrows. Johnny said that they were cursed and I shouldn’t touch them but then of course I touched them, and I felt... I felt big? Like not important, but... [pause]. There was this giant that we fought in Antipolis and he just towered over the ruins, and every step he took he permanently changed the landscape around him. And I feel like that could be me! Changing what’s happening around me. I feel like it will be me. I feel like I could really be a champion. Like I can protect my friends, and my family, and the city, and you. 

I know what you’re thinking: “Zo! Don’t do that! You’re already good enough for this! Come on don’t leave me again! That’s crazy!” I do a really good impression of you, don’t I? Come on. Like, come on! I know what they talk about. I know what they say about me, why I got this position because the Speaker has some sort of debt to my dad, or I don’t know.

I’m someone’s champion. I know I am. I can prove it. I will take care of myself, and I will be back soon. Don’t worry.


P.S. I left a 1,000 piece puzzle on the big table in the bedroom. I’ll give you 50 gold pieces if you finish it before I come back.

-Alzono, again.

[light, echoing piano melody plays]

Eric:  Star swipe! Two months later [laughing]

Amanda: Whoa!

Eric: Sorry I was laughing through that!... Star swipe! Two months later!

[all laughing]

Brandon: I thought you were gonna change it!

Eric: No, no I was laughing through it [laughing]

So, I asked you in the time since we last recorded if the three of you were doing a competitive activity together, what activity would you guys do together?

Michael: I meant to say bobsledding…

Amanda: Interesting

Michael: As in we were a team of bobsledders.

Eric: Okay.

Michael: That we bobsledded together.

Brandon: Now we haven’t been to a place that’s been cold yet.

Michael: I would hope not, I’m in beach gear.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: You are. And I suggested poker mostly as an excuse to stare down both of you, maybe to have Oatcake do so from my lap.

Brandon: And I did suggest wrestling, but that was one-sided I think.

Eric: I do like Inara with like the green visor on and she’s like “ah nuts! I got taken down by the river!”

Amanda: Oh yes. An unlit cigar just like clasped in her fingers with the little like card shark armband. Yeah. Good stuff.

Eric: I do like all those things.

Brandon: I do- I do worry that Tracey would be kicked out of the casino for literally counting all of the cards. Like all in the casio. All of the cards.

Eric: You just go over and you’re like “One! Two!- [Brandon laughing] Three! Four! Five! There are fifty-two in this deck! I wonder what’s in all the other decks!”

Brandon: That was very good. Yes.

Eric: Thank you. [in high, Tracey-like voice] Tracey feels great!

Brandon: Well I guess I’m out of a job, so… 

Eric: [laughing] I’m doing Tracey now as well.

Amanda: Can I play pool?

Brandon: Can we do a pool tournament? That would be really fun.

Michael: Can we swim in a pool?

Amanda: Yes. We can do a pool tournament. Let’s do it. 

Brandon: Let’s do that. I like that.

Eric: Yeah sure it’s a round-robin billiards tournament. Pick one NPC that we’ve met so far who you want on your pool…

[all speaking at once]

Michael: Stoneface.

Amanda: Valentine. Valentine.

Brandon: Can we say it on the count of three?

Eric: Alright, yeah yeah yeah. 1, 2, 3.

[all at once]

Amanda: Valentine.

Brandon: Tammy and Taylor.

Michael: Stoneface.

[all laughing]

Eric: You can’t-

Michael: [at the same time as Eric] That’s two people!

Eric: Tammy and Taylor?!

Michael: That’s two people!

Amanda: They’re one unit!

Eric: Tammy and Taylor I think are too young. They’re not allowed to come in. I do like Valentine. Okay we’re gonna go with Valentine. You three and Valentine enter into a billiards round-robin tournament. There’s like Snooker and Eightball and Nineball and Tenball which is a game that doesn’t exist on this plane of existence

Michael: Is there also like a side tournament which is just like the magic? Like pool magic? Have you seen pool magic? Can there be pool magic? Is there pool magic?

Eric: Now there’s pool magic.

Amanda: It’s uh...

Eric: Oh it’s like Horse, but for pool.

Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: Yes. Yeah there is one.

Amanda: It’s also played in four dimensions which is very challenging.

Eric: You have to pop into the Ethereal Plane and hit the ball-

Amanda: You do you do. That’s how you get the proper angle, actually, without like hitting someone in the nose.

Eric: That’s good.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: This was in the Antipolis bar district and there was a pool bar there. It’s like down the road from the Giant Mistake. All your friends were there. Ev was there to cheer you on, Hephaestus came out from behind the bar. Hephaestus has six legs. Don’t know if you guys knew that.

Amanda: Wow!

Eric: Yeah! You guys found that out.

Amanda: One for every night of the week that people make mistakes in his care.

Eric: Yeah! Not on Sunday!

Amanda: No, never on Sunday.

Eric: That’s the Lord’s Day!

[Amanda laughing]

Michael: Which lord?

Brandon: No he’s-he’s closed on Mondays. 

Amanda: That’s when he makes the mistake.

Eric: That’s true.

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: He goes to the church of Zeol. Cassie was there. She cheered you on. And I gotta say guys - I rolled a d6 to see what place you guys came in - you came in first!

[all cheering]

Amanda: AYY!

Michael: AYY!

Amanda: We won the pool tournament! Nice!

Eric: Um, Brandon what’s on the top of the trophy that you all won?

Brandon: So it’s a trophy and it’s just like a really happy dude and he’s like kind of like mounted on a pool stick.

Amanda: [excitedly] Is he holding a smaller trophy which is holding a smaller trophy which is -

Michael: [excitedly] That’s what I wanted to say! That’s what I wanted to say! 

Amanda: I saw it! I saw it! I saw it in your eyes! Woo!

[all laughing]

Eric: And it just gets concurrently smaller and smaller.

Amanda: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, until the vanishing point and that’s actually how you get into the Ethereal Plane it’s just like diving right in.

Michael: Is this trophy a dimension door?

Amanda: It is a dimensional portal.

Michael: [excitedly] Yeah!

Amanda: Wait was one of the signs of the champion is like “the glittering trophy of gold”?

Eric: Uh I’m looking at it and “pool trophy” is not one of the foretold items. Sorry guys!

[all laughing]

Amanda: Listen, I had to ask.

Eric: Alright, [laughing] you invited Valentine back to Fidapolis to just like celebrate and throw down. 

[crickets chirping sporadically, birds, meadow sounds]

This is actually 2 months after what happened in Antipolis, so it’s nice that you got to reconnect with Valentine.

You guys are actually walking up the front steps of Kiko castle. You’re just like palling around, you’re holding the trophy up, and Valentine keeps making the sounds of those party favors that you blow into that go “wooooooooooo!” [party favor sounds as Eric says “woo!”]

[all laughing]

Michael: So Brandon and I -I think we have the same question…

Brandon: Hey where’s Alonzo?

Michael: And why wasn’t he the fourth member?


Amanda: And I was just gonna say the Rocky theme was playing as we walked up the stairs. I thought that’s what you guys were going to say, so clearly I have the best interest of the party in mind.

Brandon: Alonzo, Alonzo, Rocky.


Eric: I do like that Inara runs up the steps and it’s like [singing Rocky theme] “bah bada da bah bada bah!”

Amanda: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Eric: [singing) “I’m making up this song because we don’t have this movie here!”

Amanda: Yes, exactly.

Brandon: Well it’s just a rock. He’s a good boxer, but he is a rock.

[all laughing]

Amanda: Guys.

Eric: The story of a Golem from Philadelphia.

Michael: No but actually, what about Alonzo?

Eric: Actually no that’s a great question- as you’re walking up the steps, and you’re celebrating and high fiving, you see Greg is standing outside of the castle waiting for you guys... 

[guitar plays rhythmic notes behind short melody]

[books shuffling around]

[fire crackling, pen writing]

Michael (as Johnny): My lovely Liza,

It has been an age! [chuckling] I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I know how you hate that. The journey continues, but that’s no surprise. Would it surprise you to hear that I have companions again? It’s been so long since I’ve traveled with others. I found a pitiful warforged abandoned, covered in graffiti. His eagerness reminds me of Charlie. We then met a teenaged half-elf. She aspires to become an assassin one day.

I see you in the- in the faces of the people in the cities I pass. Your positivity guides me in the moments I feel lost. The world has changed so much and I see dark times ahead. I know I must trust the light, [sighs] but I feel more lost than I feel sure these days. Regardless of how things turn out now, I will never stop looking for you. May the Undying Light protect you my Liza, and my dearest Charlie, until I can once again. 

Your brightest light,


[erasing, paper crumpling]

[sounds of a meadow begin again, birds and crickets, crows in the distance]

Eric: Here’s the last time you saw Alonzo- ever since Antipolis, you’ve noticed that he’s gotten a lot more into training. He has his bow and arrow with him. He actually is doing stuff with it unlike- remember how he keeps just yelling “ice knife” before? He’s actually training now. So all of the targets he was using for magic training, he’s actually really getting into archery. And he’s out there like four, five, six hours a day shooting the targets. And this has happened for like a month or so after you came back from Antipolis.

Michael: Does he still believe that a certain number of his arrows may be cursed?

Eric: Yes. Yes he does.

Michael: Okay good. Just wanted to…

Eric: Yeah. He actually got a bunch of arrows just from the armory in the castle, and he leaves those two arrows that he thinks are cursed off to the side.

Did you guys want to ask Alonzo to come with you to the billiards tournament?

Amanda: Uh, super no because last time we did that he got really drunk with some passersby and almost jumped off of the dock.

Michael: We totally asked him to be our coach.

Eric: Alright.

Michael: That would make him feel good.

Amanda: True.

Eric: Alright, what does it-what does it look like?

Michael (as Johnny): Alonzo. Hey. 

Eric: I like to think that you approached him while he’s training. He’s pulling an arrow out of his quiver, pulls it back, you hear the “Whop!” 

[sound of an arrow zooming through the air]

And then he just keeps going and he’s like

Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah, hi Johnny.

Amanda: Tracey is standing on Inara’s foot as she looks physically pained to have to be nice to Alonzo for a second. 

Michael (as Johnny): We’ve been here protecting you, but now we need your help.

Eric (as Alonzo): Um ok- yeah? What do you-what do you need?

Michael (as Johnny): We have an important quest ahead of us and we’ve enlisted the help of Valentine and it’s a billiards tournament.

Eric (as Alonzo): Oh… pool huh?

Eric (as Alonzo): Okay. That sounds- that sounds cool. 

Michael (as Johnny): It’s cool to play-

Eric: Whop! 

[sound of arrow speeding through air and impact on target]

Another arrow hits the target.

Michael (as Johnny): It is certainly cool to play pool so I just wanted to know if you would be our coach?

Brandon (as Tracey): Don’t be a fool.

Amanda (as Inara): [pained] Yeah maaaaaaan… we totally need your wisdoooooom...

Eric: He’s just like

Eric (as Alonzo):  No I- no guys I can’t I’m sorry I’ve got way too much training to do. I’ve gone- it’s fine. Um yeah go have fun. I’m good.

Eric: Whop! 

[sound of arrow through air]

Brandon (as Tracey): Alonzo come ooooon! Come play with us!

Eric (as Alonzo): I got a lot of stuff to do here-

Brandon (as Tracey): You’re already cool!-

Eric (as Alonzo): I’m sorry I can’t go!-

Brandon (as Tracey): Like it’s fine-

Eric (as Alonzo): I can’t go. Also you just want me to be your coach! You don’t need a coach! It’s billiards! You hit em in! Pockets and stuff…

Brandon (as Tracey): I don’t know how to play! Teach meeeee!

Eric (as Alonzo): No I- I can’t go. Sorry. You have four! You’re fine! [unenthusiastically] I know Fidapolis rules. You got it. Go team. Woo.

Brandon (as Tracey): Alright, well.

Amanda (as Inara): Alonzo, what-whatcha training for?

Eric (as Alonzo):  Um I’m trying to get better, you know? I mean I killed that Bone Whale and I think that uh I can do better um to help the team. You know?

Michael: I roll my eyes when he says he killed the Bone Whale. Very visibly. I cast light on my eyes to accentuate the rolling of them.

Amanda: Two tiny spotlights.

Michael: Yeah.

[all laughing]

Amanda: Like at a sick 45-degree angle.

Michael: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Whop!

[sound of arrow through air]

And you look over at the target and he’s hit- four out of five of them have been very close to the bullseye. And he’s like

Eric (as Alonzo): You know what, go on without me. Go have fun. I’ll have fun here by myself.

Eric: And he goes over and pulls the arrows out of the target.

Brandon (as Tracey): Alonzo, have you tried just like-

Brandon: And I cock my thunder cannon and shoot at the target.

[sound of gun cocking]

Eric: Alright roll [pausing to laugh] for that.

[dice rolling]

Brandon: [laughing, sadly]

[all laughing]

Eric: Brandon, what’d you roll?

Michael: Your dice are so bad!

Amanda: Oh, buddy, should we trade for this session?

[Brandon laughing]

Eric: Brandon, what did you roll?

Brandon: This is so good. I got a crit 1.

Eric: Oh no!

Brandon: This is very appropriate for just learning my new arm.

Eric: I like that. You level your arm to try to shoot the target dramatically and you hear the click, [click sound] but nothing goes off, and you look inside of the gun, and then it just explodes in your face [sound of explosion] but like in like Looney Tunes sort of way, so now you just like have- half of your face is like turned around like daffy duck and it’s just covered in ash.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, Johnny, can you just… Johnny can you take-

Michael (as Johnny): Yeah, yeah

Brandon (as Tracey): Can you just-

Michael (as Johnny): I obviously am going to prestidigitate your face towards a normalcy and cleanliness

Brandon (as Tracey): Tha-Thank you

[simple, light-hearted tune plays on old piano]

[horse walking]

[crickets and meadow sounds]

Dear Mom and Dad -

Hey! I promised I’d write you before spring. I totally, completely sent this in time... the courier must have taken the long way around. You know how they do that. Classic. 

The last couple months have been an adventure. I found a good job in the capital! The people I work with are very smart and nice. One of them loves to quote books—you’d like him a lot, Mom. I’m teaching them how to pack right and make new friends. 

Don’t worry though, I’m not letting my shoes get stiff! My job lets me travel too. I am meeting all kinds of interesting new people and I like getting to be helpful. 

And, oh! I have a dog. Her name is Oatcake on account of her liking oatcakes. Thanks to Dad for including your recipe in my pack. As if I could forget how to make them! And before you ask, yes, I’m remembering to let the dough rest before I bake them. 

We have a lot of pets, actually... big ones with good shoes, and scaly ones that don’t come out to play very often. I even saw a whale! We don’t have those back home in the Great Green, huh? And I even got to put my canoe skills to use. Big boats and lakes are a whole ‘nother thing, but my teacher Alex said I did pretty well. 

I guess it’s pretty different here in Fidapolis, but some stuff never changes. Like, I still got roped into babysitting. Luckily I knew how to handle twins—and those kids weren’t nearly as rambunctious as Mae and Bo. 

Let me know how everyone is! Tell Uncle Bastien happy nameday. Give Dani a hug for me, and give Liam a noogie. I hope Kel is good and her baby is healthy when it gets here. What’re you up to? Where are you heading next? If I can make it back for Sol I will.

You can send your letter back to me to Kiko Castle in Fidapolis. They know how to reach me.

I love you and stuff,


[sound of horse walking fades]

[crickets chirping, birds calling]

Eric: Okay, the tournament actually multi-day and then of course you stayed over with Evan, he wanted to introduce you to his mom, so you just stayed in Antipolis for a little while.

Brandon: Did she cook us anything?

Eric: Burgers. Inara had breakfast every day.

Amanda: Ugh, amazing.

Eric: [giggling] So now it’s two weeks later, and you’re walking up with your trophy, still high-fiving, and Greg is standing in front of the castle waiting for you guys.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, how’s the leg?

Eric (as Greg): Tracey, that was like three months ago, it’s fine.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay cool I was just- you know I like to check in every once in a while [trailing off]

Eric (as Greg): How’s your arm? It’s a gun now.

Brandon (as Tracey): [timidly] it is a gun-

Eric (as Greg): You’re very dangerous.

Brandon (as Tracey): -it’s pretty cool, huh?-

Eric (as Greg): You’re dangerous to so many people.

Brandon (as Tracey): Are you glad you didn’t meet me now?

Eric (as Greg): You know what, yes. Yes I am. 

Brandon (as Tracey): Cool.

Eric (as Greg): I’m glad I know you and know you won’t shoot me in the face.

Brandon (as Tracey): Well, we’ll see

Eric (as Greg): Hey, um where’s Alonzo?

Amanda (as Inara): Great question, Greg. Where is he? Is this like a riddle? I’m not-I’m not good at riddles.

Michael: Can I create a Dancing Light to have a facsimile of Alonzo walk up.

[all laughing]

Amanda: Nooo!!

Eric: Sure, yeah, yeah do it.

Michael (as Johnny): Well I have no idea, Greg, where Alonzo is.

Michael: I cast Dancing Light creating a facsimile of Alonzo to start walking up towards us.

Michael (as Johnny): hey Alonz-

Michael: And I cast prestidigitation to make him kind of look Alonzo-esque.

Eric: Sure, roll for Deception.

Michael: Heh, heh, heh. Oh this is going to end horribly.

Brandon: This one, this is the worst plan we’ve ever had.

[all laughing]

[dice rolling]

Michael: [chuckling to himself] Oh good job, me. That was 3 + 4 for a 7.

Eric: Well here’s the thing - the DC on that was 50 because you can’t turn lights into a person!

Brandon: Not-not yet!

Eric: It’s true. Greg just looks at you like

Eric (as Greg): Johnny, that’s not even close!

Michael: I have it dissipate in a magical explosion of beautiful colors

Eric (as Greg): I’m glad you think this is funny, but he said-

[sound of clapping]

Eric (as Greg): - he said he was with you 

[more clapping]

Brandon (as Tracey): That was great!

Michael: I tip my sun hat to Tracey

Eric (as Greg): I’m glad you think this is funny, but he said he was with you. The last time I saw Alonzo was like two weeks ago right before the tournament, and he said that he was going with you guys to the billiards game in Antipolis, and I haven’t seen him since then.

Amanda (as Inara): I’m sorry, Greg but he didn’t come with us. I think he might have told you that and done something else.


Eric (as Greg): Huh…

Brandon (as Tracey): Do you know where he might go instead?

Eric (as Greg): I mean… no. I mean he hasn’t lied to me before. I mean if he’s not here, where would he be?

Amanda (as Inara): I guess he could have intended to join us but just not told us?

Brandon (as Tracey): Döove and Böoster’s?

Amanda (as Inara): Or maybe his, uh, helicopter got delayed or maybe he got to Antipolis and like did something else cool or maybe he like I don’t know, drank a bucket of wine. Haven’t we all?

Michael (as Johnny): Maybe he’s visiting his friend Kohl in the city.

Eric (as Greg): Yeah I mean I spent three days looking for Kohl and when I finally did she told me to bugger off, which is weird because she was using British aphorisms at me, but like he wasn’t there. I don’t… 


Brandon (as Tracey): Have you tried just like yelling his name real loud?

Eric (as Greg): Yeah… you know what… Alonz-

Brandon (as Tracey): Wait

Eric (as Greg): Yeah

Brandon (as Tracey): [yelling] Alonzo!

Eric (as Greg): Tracey…

Amanda (as Inara): [yelling] Lonzo!

Brandon (as Tracey): [yelling] Lonzo!

Brandon (as Tracey): Did it work?

Eric (as Greg): You know, Tracey why don’t you yell one more time and we’ll figure out, you know, if you do it loud enough we might be able to catch his attention

Brandon (as Tracey): I’m okay…

 Eric (as Greg): No Tracey you know what do it. I think this last one is gonna be great. Go ahead

Amanda (as Inara): Did anyone notice that I got a haircut?

Amanda: Inara got a haircut. She has a faux-hawk now

[all giggling]

Brandon (as Tracey): [yelling] Oh my god you got a haircut!

[Michael laughing]

Amanda (as Inara): Yeah, Tracey, two days ago!

Eric (as Greg): Alright, you know what, fine. I haven’t tried it. Maybe he’ll hear me if I do it

Eric: And Greg walks about ten feet away from you out on the lawn. He’s screwing up his face and he takes a really deep breath in and he screams

Eric (as Greg): [screaming] Alonzo!

Eric: And as he does that, to the West, next to the setting sun, you see a massive column of flame rise out of the horizon, burn as bright as the noonday sun, and snuff out. 

Michael: So around there the light situation was pretty good, huh?

Eric: Yeah it was pretty good. [laughing]

[mechanical-sounding, light, keyboard tune plays]

[fire crackling, chair being pulled out]

[pen writing]

Brandon (as Tracey): Jamie! How are you? How are things in Antipolis? How’s the weather? Everything’s great with me! 

Jamie, if I’m honest I’m-I’m a little nervous. I’m not sure what comes next. But everything’s been great so far, right? I think Johnny and I are closer than we’ve ever been and Inara- well when I left with Johnny I wasn’t sure if we’d find any new friends along the way, but now we have Evan and Alex and Stoneface and Tammy and Taylor and James and Zubi and Nessie! And so many others. And you, of course. And Inara? Well, Inara’s family now.

Anyway I just wanted to write to see how you are, and where you are. Did you ever get beamed up? That sounded like such a fun adventure. Oh, I got a new game! With this one, it yells instructions at you and if you don’t follow them exactly, you get shocked like really hard. Evan… did not like it. You wanna play sometime? Maybe when all this adventuring is done? When things settle down.

I just wanted to say hi, see how you are and who you’ve been murdering. So, hi. 

Eyes on the sky, 


P.S. Inara still wants your sword. I said she can’t have it. Just so you know.

[footsteps walking away]

[door closing]

[sounds of crickets and birds begin again]

Eric: What do you guys do after that happens?

Amanda: I wanna go talk to Stoneface and get the skinny on gossip around the castle.

Brandon: I think I would immediately try to grab a horse and go towards the thing.

Michael: And I would immediately stop you.

Brandon: You could try.

Eric: Tracey, you wanna run down to the stables?

Brandon (as Tracey): Uhhhhhhhh I’m gonna go- I’m gonna-

Brandon: And Tracey runs and darts for a horse.

Amanda: I’m gonna cast Mage Hand and try to grab Tracey’s ankle to trip him.

Michael: I-I don’t know I’m just gonna blind you.

Amanda: I think at this point we’re so used to Tracey doing impulsive things that Johnny and me have a kind of system worked out.

[Brandon laughing]

Michael: Just gonna blind you. Okay if he’s going to do that I’m going to use a new spell I have called Light Step and I am surrounded by light and then teleport in between Tracey and the horses and just put my hand out like “stop.”

Eric: As you guys do your Three Stooges style fumbling on top of each other to get Tracey to stop, you hear two claps [sound of two claps] together to get you guys at attention, and you look up and it’s everyone’s favorite speaker, the Speaker.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Meeting at the stables right now, let’s go

Brandon (as Tracey): What’s that?

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): That’s what we’re going to talk about Tracey.

Brandon (as Tracey): Okay.

Michael: Since I already did it I will Light Step to the stables since it was a half step there I’ll do another one there.

Brandon: I’m going to try to grab him as he trans-teleports.

Michael: You grab some light.

Brandon: Did I get some light?

Michael: You got some light.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Valentine opens their mouth and makes the sound of a sad trombone. [sad trombone plays]

[all laugh]

Eric: The Speaker walks all of you down to the stables and Valentine is just hanging out next to you guys [laughing].

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Oh I see you’ve brought a new friend to our official meetings.

Brandon (as Tracey): That’s Valentine! Have you met them?

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): No I- I guess I haven’t had the pleasure. Hello, Valentine.

Eric: And Valentine responds with the sound of a jackhammer [jackhammer sound]

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Okay, here we go.

Eric: There are about ten horses- well, nine horses and Joe the Camel - are in the stable and-

Michael: I’m petting Joe the Camel.

Eric: Yeah, and the Speaker is going along to the other nine and is just like scratching them under the chin and patting them of the head.

Amanda: Aw.

Eric: She really loves these horses. This is a thing you’re learning about the speaker.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): What do you- where do all of you think uh that flame came from?

Brandon (as Tracey): We’re really gonna start this with questions? Why don’t you just tell us.

Amanda (as Inara): Did that guy selling those scrolls finally get caught and they just burned them all?

Michael: Actual question.

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: It is sunset, what is the light situation of this stable?

Eric: It’s not great.

Michael: Okay well I’m gonna cast light on…

Eric: A horse?

Amanda: Each of the horse’s chinny-chin-chins?

Michael: (gasps) On Joe the Cam- on one of- on Joe the Camel’s humps!

Amanda: Aww!

Eric: Great. I like it. The speaker says

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): I have my suspicions. Have you seen Alonzo lately?

Michael (as Johnny): Why, yes. He was just walking over here-

Brandon (as Tracey): [interrupting] No! No! 

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): That was a construction of light, Johnny and I think that you would think me better than to fall for your silly parlor games.

Brandon (as Tracey): You’d think he would, but then he does it a lot.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): All the time.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Johnny, you really have to tone that down.

Amanda (as Inara): No we haven’t, and Greg seemed super mad and  as usual totally blamed us.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Well Alonzo said he was with you.

Amanda (as Inara): That’s not our problem, man, he was not!

Michael (as Johnny): Well he told us that he was actually going to stay and practice with his arrows.

Amanda (as Inara): And train, so if there’s another place that you practice archery to get real good maybe that’s where he is.

Brandon (as Tracey): Who was supposed to be like overseeing the practice grounds? Because it seems like something you would have con- like are you the manager of the grounds that you should be responsible for the people that-

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Tracey, do you think-

Amanda (as Inara): Or like I don’t know his dad.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Tracey do you think that a representative of the entire country is also a groundskeeper?

Brandon (as Tracey): Well, now-

Michael (as Johnny): Point of order, Tracey, didn’t you meet Horkley, the manager of the grounds?

[Eric laughing]

Brandon (as Tracey): You know- you know Johnny I didn’t get his title.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Wait. You said archery?

Amanda (as Inara): Yeah, that’s what he was really obsessed with for like the two months after we got back from Antipolis.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ohhhhhhh no. I know where Alonzo is. Johnny, um for the last month and a half, Alonzo has been um asking me about magic arrows, cursed arrows? And he said that he made a monster disappear with those cursed arrows.

Michael (as Johnny): Well the curse was inside of him the whole time.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): [sigh] No well I’m - I’m starting to think that the curse actually in fact inside the arrows the whole time. He was asking about the magic arrows and where he could get more, and I told him that we couldn’t- we couldn’t make them here and the only place we would be able to get them is in Tortipolis.

Brandon (as Tracey): Are you saying that Johnny wasn’t lying?

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Oh, Johnny you were lying to him? Ha-ha that’s a sick burn. But it turns out, no! Those were magic arrows!

Michael (as Johnny): So you’re saying that when I lie I actually cast Identify?

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): No that’s the opposite of what I’m saying. As it were, you are extremely lucky. 

Amanda (as Inara): So where is he now?

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): If I know Alonzo, I’m worried he’s in Tortipolis. I haven’t spoken to anyone there in quite a number of years. They have had a democratic upheaval, they’ve been having elections every few months. The best blacksmiths and fletchers in the etnire Concentric States are out there and I think he rode off here.

Eric: And she starts to count on the horses.

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Well there’s Joe, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

Eric: And then the last stall all the way on the left is empty. What you guys know about Tortipolis is that Tortipolis is the city underground. They are very insular. In fact, you can’t actually see a lot of the city. Everyone just talks about how it’s like an iceberg. There’s a lot more underground than you can see. 

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Oh this is the worst possible thing. Everyone outside. Come outside.

Brandon: I follow the Speaker.

Eric: Trace-

Michael: I give Joe an apple and then leave.

Amanda: I give Joe a finger-gun and then leave.

Eric: And the speaker says

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Look.

Eric: And all of you look up in the sky at the constellation and right now it’s just the three stars in the sky, and slowly, slowly the bottom left star goes out. And the Speaker says

Eric (as Speaker Martinsson): Shit. [pause] You all have to go now.

[low string note plays]

Hey, it’s Eric. Have you ever gotten a new pet? Maybe a cat or a dog or a snake or an opossum. And they’re kind of skittish at first, but you stay quiet and friendly and don’t put any pressure on them. And slowly, your pet friend gets comfortable in your home. And you think, wow, if my four-legged friend can get acclimated to a new space in only a few days, I can do anything! All I need is love, and space, and some treats. This is that space. Welcome to the midroll. You can sit on the couch anytime you want.

First of all, to everyone who can here from our Jumbotron on TAZ - welcome! We appreciate and love you. Here’s some hot chocolate. The Adventure Zone was our biggest inspiration for making this show, so hearing Griffin say our name made our collective palms sweat. We hope we do right by you and your ears, but I have a feeling you’re in a good place. Please feel free to tweet at us or FB message or send us an email - we want to hear from you. 

Speaking of more wonderful surprises, we have over 100 patrons on PATREON! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? You are just a field of sunflowers. And now that we’ve hit this big round number, we will deliver you a gift - we’re working on commissioning a map of Fidapolis. A glossy jpeg will be a free download for our patrons as a thank you, and we’ll be getting a poster version onto our store ASAP.

Thank you thank you thank you to the new patrons that put us over the top: NewDood, Elias, Carmelann, Opal, IHazNoFace, Austin, Mollie, Kerry, Ashely, Pat, Danielle, Myselfsquared, Skythegooselord, Corin, and Hannah-Mae. If you haven’t joined the party, head over to patreon.com/jointhepartypod. We have punch and Jenga!

We are sponsored this week by 20 Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York. And I need to tell you about a new board game they have in stock - Charterstone. This game a competitive legacy game - you’re supposed to play the game with the same group of friends, and you actually alter the board as you play. It’s like you’re starting a D&D game, but you’re all playing on board game. In Charterstone, you’re trying to beat your friends as you all build a village out of nothing. It starts with simple choices, but soon you’ll have a bustling village with dozens of actions to take. I’m so excited to get a group together and crush them with my village-building prowess. If you’re interested in Charterstone, you can head over to 20 sided store dot com or visit them in person in Brooklyn, NY and use our discount code -- JOINTHEPARTY --t for 20% off. So head over to twenty (full word) sided store.com and use our discount code JOINTHEPARTY.

If you didn’t know, now you know - Brandon released the amazing music that he composed for our first arc, Wedding Party. The album is called Wedding Favors and it is perfect writing/working/doing stuff music. My personal favorite is the shopping montage, because when I asked him to write it, he groaned at me. But then it was awesome. You can go to brandongrugle.bandcamp.com or follow the link in the description, and pay what you want for the album!

We’ve gotten a whole bunch of listeners lately, so I just want to say thank you. Thank you for showing up to our weird, fun, queer fantasy story with skateboards and gargoyles that sound like Danny Zucko. You make it all worth it. I’m really proud of what we’re making for this arc, and I’m SO EXCITED to share it with you.

Now, let’s get back to the show.

[low string note plays again]

[meadow sounds resume]

Eric: The speaker has given you your next task, so are you guys leaving tonight? Are you going to wait? What are you going to do?

Michael: I would really like us to rest. 

Brandon: Johnny. Michael. I want you to know that you have been seen. You are heard, but Tracey wants to do the exact opposite.

Michael: I have used two of my three spell slots.

Brandon: Tracey doesn’t sleep or eat or rest, so like he’s good. He wants to go.

Eric: Yeah and the Speaker’s on Tracey’s side for that matter. The Speaker wants you to leave like in five minutes.

Brandon: Well Tracey might be changing his mind.

Amanda: How are we getting there? And how long does it take?

Eric: It would take about a day and a half and you can take the horses, you can maybe see if like Captain Alex has cooked up some mechanical stuff, but the Speaker brought you over there so you could take the horses and Joe the Camel.

Amanda: If we have some sort of like carriage situation I suggest that we leave now and sleep in shifts during the journey.

Brandon: Mmm. That’s a good idea. I would also like to be shotgun.

Eric: Okay. Captain Alex can get like a carriage situation that you hook up to horses. [laughing] And I actually sort of like that Joe the Camel’s out in front. It’s like a Clydesdale sort of thing which is very funny. You can sit up in front where you’re controlling the horses-

Brandon: Dibs!

Eric: - you can sit up top, on top of like the carriage -

Amanda: Dibs!

Eric: - or you can be in the back like kind of like the back seat

Michael: Question. Not dibs. Do you have animal handling?

Brandon: [clears throat] Let me consult my character sheet. I have a minus 1.

[Amanda laughing]

Michael: So I un-dibs that. Before we leave, I’m going to put on my new dad shades, which have been conveniently attached to my neck using a wonderful strap, so I put them on and it lets me cast Arcane Eye and through the glasses I can see things around me and actually even when I’m not there for a certain amount of time.

Eric: Okay you need to be centered on a point. Where’s the point that you’re looking from?

Michael: Speaker Martinsson, why not?

Eric: Just like right on top of her?

Michael: Well she’s standing I’m assuming right next to our carriage as it’s being prepared, so yeah. I will center it on her and move with her for as much as I have control of it

Eric: Sounds good. Okay, great. Who’s driving?

Amanda: I’m going to take first shift driving. Tracey will take look-out from up top, and Johnny will pack up into the back and nap.

Eric: Sounds good.

Amanda: He’s an old, old man.

Brandon: I’m like practicing aiming at trees as we go along. I’m not shooting I’m just like looking down my sight, you know.

Amanda: Just like pointing your gun.

Brandon: Yeah pointing my arm out, yeah.

Eric: I love that.

Amanda: I’m actually going to gather the rein of one of the horses and put it under Oatcake’s paw so that she can be my like co-driver beside me on the rails of this carriage.

Eric: This is like the fantasy equivalent of all of those pictures you take with your dog so it looks like they’re driving.

Amanda: Yeah no Oatcake is like my like John Watson, like my Victorian dress, with a cape, with a top hat, with a little mustache, like sitting next to me driving this carriage.

Michael: And the boxing gloves.

Amanda: It’s now actual like rearview mirror dice on our carriage .

[Brandon laughing]

Michael: Nice. I’m also going to give you all the apples that I have, because for some reason I have so many apples so that you can give treats to the horses and camel as I sleep.

Amanda: Nice.

Michael: Cool.

Eric: Alright, as you go “hyah!” and get the horses to go and you start a-riding away from Fidapolis-  

[horses walking]

Michael: Before I fall asleep I send out a ton of like fireworks light show to celebrate our leaving.

[fireworks exploding]

Eric: Nice and both the speaker and Valentine clap for the - for the fireworks.

Michael: So I can see them clapping?

Eric: Yes you can.

Michael: Thanks.

Brandon: Now does Valentine actually clap or make the sound of clapping?

Eric: No, Valentine actually claps but it’s really awkward because they’re like clapping with wings. You can see from the Arcane Eye, you get about like a minute or so until you’re out of range and really it’s just the speaker and Valentine are talking… quotes, “talking” close to each other and the Speaker looks concerned and Valentine just kind of looks as inscrutable as ever. I know that you guys dont trust-

Michael: Anyone.

Eric: -her or anybody, but the Speaker is just like happy that she got you out. I mean she looks a little relieved but still like kind of tense. And it seems that like she’s - I kind of get the sense that like people get this really kind of far-away look when they’re confessing their secrets or like their feelings to somebody else. I feel like talking to Valentine, like when you talk to something that can’t really talk back, you’ll say your truest feelings to them. I feel like you’re getting that sense. Like the Speaker’s being like very honest and like very earnestly revealing her feelings to Valentine.

Michael: I’m going to continue having the Arcane Eye and keep the sunglasses on me as I fall asleep.

Eric: Yeah. I like it think that like you’re watching the Speaker and then you slowly like you get drowsy and then you just fall asleep.

Amanda: It blinks, it blinks longer.

Eric: Yeah. So the last thing you see like the Speaker and Valentine walk back towards the castle and then you fall asleep.

Eric: Okay, what do you guys do during a road trip?

[music begins playing: slow, airy, organ-like]

Amanda: I’m going to teach Oatcake a series of elaborate tricks.

Eric: Okay like what?

Amanda: Like I will teach her, “put your hands up!” and she’ll like sit back on her haunches and put her hands up, which is adorable.

[Eric laughing]

Amanda: I will teach her “stab” and she will just like jab one paw forward in the dirt. I will teach her “bang, bang” and she will roll over and play dead.

Eric: Oh I love that.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Can you roll Animal Handling?

Amanda: Sure.

Eric: And I’ll give you +1 because I’ll include the tummy rubs to it.

[dice rolling]

Amanda: 13 + 1 Animal Handling +1 Tummy Rubs is 15.

Eric: Oh, okay. So as you’re doing the silly tricks training, you do “bang, bang” one more time and Oatcake falls over and then poofs away.

Amanda: Ooh!

Eric: And then is gone for like a minute or so and then poofs back and is holding a weird stripey fruit in her mouth.

Amanda: I pick up the fruit and inspect it. Can I roll a Nature check?

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: Look at me, guys! I did a check!

[dice rolling]

Amanda: That’s a 16 + 2 for an 18.

Eric: Okay yeah this fruit is actually the main component of truth-telling serum. If you mix it with the right amount of whiskey and some other bits and bobs you can get someone to tell the truth for one minute.

Amanda: I’m going to put the fruit in my pack and pet Oatcake and give her a treat.

Eric: Oatcake then stabs you with her hand.

Amanda: And I giggle.

Eric: Tracey, what are you doing?

Brandon: I sneak into the back of the caravan and lightly tap Johnny on the shoulder and I say

Brandon (as Tracey): [shouting] Wake up!

Michael (as Johnny): Tracey, so nice of you to wake me up in the calmest manner yet.

Brandon (as Tracey): You’re welcome! I’ve been learnin’!

Michael (as Johnny): What time is it?

Brandon (as Tracey): It doesn’t matter. You wanna do a thing?

Michael (as Johnny): [sighs] With you, Tracey, sure.

Brandon: And I pull Johnny’s “My First Warforged” book out of his pack and we sit down - I sit down cross-legged and pull a few spare pieces and bits out of my being-

Michael: As Johnny sees you pulling out spare bits and bobs from yourself, I look in horror as I pull out those same bits and bobs from my robomancy kit [laughing].

Brandon: [laughing] And then I try to shove them back in but they don’t quite go in! [both laughing] so now we have duplicates in case one of the screws falls!

Michael: Oh, so maybe we can make two things.

Brandon: Maybe! And I start to put together some gears and some screws into the shape of a watch.

Michael: And we’re both kind of trying to do the same thing. Every mistake that one makes, the other helps with, an vice versa and we’re trying to make a watch, which is one of the easier things to do but as we’re both kind of learning and it’s definitely helping us.

Brandon: And the entire time Tracey is singing “99 Potions of Healing on the Wall” and at the end of it Tracey looks to Johnny sort of expectantly and waits for that spark of magic.

Michael: Johnny places his hand on the object that Tracey made and the object that he made and channels the same energy that he did when he helped Tracey come back.

Eric: So you guys made matching pocket watches? That’s cute.

Michael: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah, I think while you do that, the runes on Tracey’s arm starts to glow. It starts from one hand and then goes all the way up one arm and all the way down the other arm and then his whole body just starts to glow all over the runes. And when you guys are both holding the pocket watches together, they both set themselves to 12. And now you guys both have pocket watches.

Michael: Magic pocket watches! What should we inscribe on them?

Brandon: I like mine plain.

Michael: Then I’ll do the same.

[Brandon laughing]

Amanda: The anniversary on which you met?

Michael: And I secretly prestidigitate “Tracey + Johnny 5ever”

[all laughing]

Amanda: Cute

Eric: Okay it’s been about a day and a half, and as you’ve been driving, the landscape has also started to change. In my head, Fidapolis has just been like a Northeastern sort of forest-y green all the time. You’re driving past forests and through grasslands, but as you get farther away from the castle it starts to get just like a little grainier, rockier, not like rolling hills anymore but we’re talking like more mountains, and you're starting to see some mining in the larger mountainous areas here. It’s kind of brushy, and just like dirtier, you know. And who’s driving here at the end?

Michael: So Inara has a time to rest, I’ll finish it off.

Eric: Sure.

Michael: I’m attentively casting Prestidigitation to clean out all the dust and dirt that’s attaching to not only the horses, but the carriage and myself just to stay clean as we’re-

Eric: Like things everywhere like billboards, street signs.

Michael: Yeah just like everything dirty I see and I just clean it because it’s- you know it’s too much dirt.

Eric: Yeah you’re so focused on cleaning everything you don’t see Joe who just rears back 

[sound of horse sputtering]

and stops in front of the other horses, and the other horses just like stop short and rear back and you all stop with like a thunk!

Brandon: Now I’m on top, do I fly forward? [laughing]

Eric: Oh thank you, roll a dexterity check Tracey!

[Michael laughing]

[dice rolling]

Brandon: That was a natural twenty!

Eric: I love it.

Amanda: Woo!

Eric: Great job! What I’d like to think is that you still get thrown from the carriage but you do a full front flip and you just keep rolling forward like you won’t- you just refuse to stop rolling and eventually you do like half-handspring and like throw your arms in the air like a gymnast and go “Tada!”

Brandon: Jazz hands!

Michael: [disappointed] I swear he was going to say, “like you just don’t care.”

Amanda: I know, me too. I was very disappointed.

Eric: And Inara and Johnny- you realize that 1- that was really dope by Tracey-

Michael: Sure, yes, of course.

Eric: Even Joe the Camel goes [Eric makes horse sputtering noise] but that means like “Yeah, man cool”

Amanda: Nice.

Michael: Oh I understood. I can read lips.

Eric: Tracey, as you throw your hands in the air, surrounding you in like a 100-foot circle is just ash.

Brandon: Tracey looks at the ground and thinks for a second and then immediately lies on his back and makes ash angels.

[Eric laughing]

[Michael sighs]

Eric: Terrible.

Michael: That’s a Prestidigitation I’m going to have to do to clean him. Johnny looks at him just shaking his head like [sighs] it’s going to require a couple of those spells to clean him.

Amanda: And Inara makes a little like okay symbol with her middle finger and her thumb down at her side, it’s like the moon-elf equivalent of crossing yourself. The idea of a ring that you either cross or break or jump in the middle of is like deeply antithetical to everything she grew up believing and it is like deeply viscerally creepy in a way that she has not experienced since leaving home.

Eric: You know that’s actually really interesting because Inara, as you watch Tracey just get himself all nasty in that ash, two feet to the right of him is a hole.

[Amanda gasps]

Eric: And it makes your skin crawl

Michael: Do any of us feel compelled that that is our hole that we have to go into?

Eric: Johnny, yes you do.

Michael: Me?!

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: Ooh, I don’t like that. Now the light situation I’m going to assume is fairly bad?

Amanda: Negative, Fish!-

Eric: It’s terrible.

Amanda: It’s anti!

Michael: Now, the day is day?

Eric: Yes.

Michael: Okay, I’m going to get off of the carriage, walk close to the hole but not close enough that - there’s enough space that if I fell I would still not fall into it.

Eric: Got it.

Michael: I’m going to cast Dancing Lights and one at a time have those lights move closer to the hole and-

Eric: It goes farther down, I got you.

Michael: Yeah.

Eric: As you strategically place the lights so it goes down the hole, at first you’re not really getting anything, it’s just like the light is just going in all directions because it’s just very wide everywhere, but as you get closer and closer to the bottom, you’re starting to hit ground. It’s about sixty feet down.

Michael: I’m going to use the light and have a Perception check.

Eric: Roll on it. I got you.

Amanda: And I’ll do a Nature check to see if I have seen anything similar in my upbringing.

Eric: Sure.

(dice rolling)

Amanda: I got a nat-20.

Michael: and I got a 16 + 2 for an 18.

Eric: Alright, I’m going to do Perception then Nature. Yeah, you can tell that at the top of the lights, it’s all really wide. You know when you shine a flashlight out into the woods and it doesn’t really hit anything, it just kind of dispels,but as you go down you are very sure that the bottom is 60 feet down. And there’s just like dirt down there.

Michael: So if anything the ground we’re standing on is more of a ceiling-

Eric: Yes, yes.

Michael: - for whatever’s happening down there.

Eric: Here’s the nature check. Inara, this cavern is man-made. This is not a natural cavern, like someone dug this thing. You also put it together that you are in the city underground and here is a hole, a man-made hole that’s leading down.

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, guys this is where we’re going.

Michael: There’s no like apperati for us to enter? There’s no rope? There’s just a hole?

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: Inara grabs her pack, grabs Oatcake under one arm and jumps into the hole.

Michael: Okay-

Brandon (as Tracey): What! Why are you- Oh my god! There’s a hole!

Michael: That’s sixty feet. That’s a sixty feet drop, and you don’t have Feather Fall.

Amanda: I’m going.

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh no.

Amanda: DM, how do I fare?

Eric: Inara, make an Acrobatics roll.

[dice rolling]

Amanda: That’s a 14.

Eric: Okay, we’ll come back to you.

Brandon (as Tracey): Johnny, I have a plan. You grab my back, I will use my Long Arm of the Law, and we will slowly descend down as far as we can go.

Eric: Hey Tracey.

Brandon: Yeah?

Eric: Remember when I said a bad thing would happen to you from the book?

Brandon: No.

Eric: Oh, I remember it.

Brandon: Mmm.

Eric: Tracey, as you get up from the ash pile to try to talk to Johnny about what to do next, the ground starts to break beneath you. It just can’t hold your big robotic frame. Do you want to say something to Johnny before you fall?

Brandon: I take out my pocket watch and I say

Brandon (as Tracey): I guess it’s time.

Brandon: [laughing] and then I fall through the ground.

Eric: Yeah you do.

Michael: Nice. Seeing that his two companions have decided to- well one decided and the other had no choice - fell into a thing, I will put my hand on Joe and say to him

Michael (as Johnny): I don’t know next time I see you. If we are not back in five days, go back to Kiko castle.

Eric: And Joe licks you.

Michael: I give him an apple and then drop a whole mess of apples, like I flip over my pack and it just apples just come out.

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: Just infinite apples that I just refuse to eat.

Eric: Yeah, I got you.

Michael: Just so many apples for the three of the animals there.

Brandon: And one papaya, it’s weird.

Eric: Yeah just one full papaya.

Michael: And I’m going to Light Step down so that I’m at 30 feet and so I’m only falling 30 feet and from only 30 feet I’m going to Acrobatics to not hurt myself as I fall.

Eric: Okay-

Michael: With light! You know-

Eric: I got it. Roll Acrobatics.

Michael: Great.

[dice rolling]

Michael: [sighs] I shouldn’t have used this dice. 6.

Eric: Okay, here we go. Inara, as you jump down with Oatcake, you flip and spin and get ready to brace yourself against the ground, and as you’re halfway through the fall, a torrent of mud rises up [gurgling mud, rumbling] and snatches you out of the air and pull you down and lowers down to the ground. 

Tracey, as you fall through another hole, you are a little less lucky. Tracey you shoot your Long Arm of the Law back to try to grab yourself, and you just totally miss. You can’t hold onto anything, and you are falling, falling, falling and right before the bottom the mud also rises up to try to grab you, but your force is too hard and you take 15 points of damage. 

Johnny, you just poof out of nowhere. You Light Step down and you fall the 30 feet. You look back together and you see both of them just kind of encased in mud and you’re like “Oh! I’m going to be taken care of! Thank you!” but nothing comes up to greet your fall, and you take 17 points of damage.

[Eric chuckling to himself]

As Inara and Tracey lower down to the ground and Johnny you pick yourself up from your fall…

Michael: With a twist of my hand, I have the lights come around us.

Eric: And you look around and the lights are illuminating a colosseum. 

[bassy, high-energy  electronic music begins]

And as you look around and you’re like, “Where are we?” You hear a voice over to the left say 

Eric (as voice): Alright, they’re ready! Let’s get it going!

Eric: And lights from all around the colosseum turn on and you see out in the stands is just hundreds and hundreds of people clapping and cheering for something. 

[sound of cheering, applause, chanting]

And above you, somewhere you hear 

Heddy (as announcer): Representative Brink has everything going for her! Great friends! A loving family! A powerful army of mud monsters who can attack at any moment! There’s just one thing missing: Someone to share her life with! 20 of the Concentric States’ hottest warriors are here to fight for her heart. And one of them will end up by her side. Welcome to the season premiere of “The Bachelorette Tournament.”

[cheering fades away]

[theme music]

Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.

Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.

Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at hello@jointhepartypod.com. 

Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.

Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.