20. Pool Party IX

With the Bone Whale defeated, the party gets a reward at an exclusive club. What’s on the other side of the door in the middle of nowhere? Tracey goes under the knife. Inara grinds. Johnny gets his fortune.

Check out Good Society at bit.ly/goodsocietygame, and pay what you want for the music from Pool Party at http://brandongrugle.bandcamp.com

 

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Cast & Crew

- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver

- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle

- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin

- Johnny B. Goodlight: Michael Fische

- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini, Heddy Hunt

- multitude: multitude.productions

 

About Us

Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast. That means four friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.


After each episode we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play Dungeons & Dragons and other roleplaying games at home. We also have the Punchbowl, an interview series with people pushing D&D forward creatively, communally and socially. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.


Transcript

Amanda: Last time, on Join the Party.

Eric: Our party finds Jaime trapped in the literal heart of the Bone Whale. Our party has to give up a whole lot to get him back. Alonzo loses his innocence, when he fires an arrow into an ooze and makes it disappear.

Eric (as Alonzo): How, that's a cursed arrow! That’s actually a cursed arrow?

Eric: Tracey loses his long arm of the law, Inara loses her corporeal form—

Eric: And in front of you is Cali, and she says

Eric (as Cali): you mother fucker. I'm stuck with you? oh my god

Amanda: I'm going to hold up my hand and say

Amanda (as Inara): I am sorry about the sandwich

Eric: And Johnny loses his life... if only for a moment.

Brandon (as Tracey): You were dead.

Amanda (as Inara): You were pretty dead, pretty dead.

Michael (as Johnny): Well I mean does the light die? No, it's fairly undying.

Eric: In the end, it’s the Bone Whale who loses the most, like its structural integrity and ability to, you know, exist.

So, what do you after you lose a bunch of stuff? You go get more! Let’s get the party started.

(Theme music)

Eric: As the three of you are celebrating Johnny being alive again, Jamie comes stomping up the shore. Again, he just walks right out of the water like he's jumping out of a car, with Alonzo under one arm. And he drops the champion down to the ground, sputtering, and turns you guys and says

Eric (as Jamie): Well, I guess that's it. I'll see you later.

Eric: And he starts to walk away.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey, Jamie?

Amanda (as Inara): Jamie! Jamie! Bud, where are you going?

Eric (as Jamie): Well you know my, uh, my soul is - it’s done. You know, like I'm done doing the thing that I had to do. Remember before when I said I was done and then you roped me back in for one more time? I'm done. I assume that, you know, the gods are going to take me away and stuff.

Brandon (as Tracey): No you can't... I don’t… Remember when you said you were going to get me back?  You’ve still got some business here.

Amanda (as Inara): Can I have your sword if you're going to go die now?

Michael (as Johnny): Jamie, I know something about when a deity of some sort has plans with you. Let me give you some advice: Relax. Don't worry about it. In time, if the gods or whatever calls you, you're great. They know where to find you. In the meantime, hang out with us, have a beer at the Giant Mistake, and let's relax.

Eric: Jamie pushes out his bottom lip, which is like only half there so you don't exactly know the expression he's trying to make on his face, and he says

Eric (as Jamie): Hey, if it was up to me I'd be drinking beers with you guys all the time, but sometimes you just gotta go where the fire takes you.

Eric: He stands silent for a second, posed.

Amanda (as Inara): Uh, uh, Jamie. Not not to like interrupt your moment and stuff, but–

Eric (as Jamie): No hold on I'm waiting for- I'm waiting to go spirit away, hold on.

Amanda (as Inara): (whispering) Can I just have your sword please?

Eric (as Jamie): No. No. It's mine.

Amanda (as Inara): Just I'll just – I’ll take care of  it for you.

Eric (as Jamie): No that's not – that's not how it works, small stabby girl.

Michael (as Johnny): I'm going to take out one of the apples that I refused to eat that one time –

Amanda: Goddamnit

Eric: (laughing) Oh! You’ve had it the whole time!

Amanda: You had fucking snacks this whole time!

Michael (as Johnny):  I'm going to use one of my daggers – I also have daggers. I keep forgetting about them – And I'm going to cut up pieces and offer to my companions some snacks while we watch nothing happen to Jamie.

Brandon: Tracey sits cross-legged on the floor with his head in his hands waiting for something cool to happen.

Eric: Alonzo stands up and looks over at the three of you and says

Eric (as Alonzo): I'm obviously the brains of this operation. Jamie, where is the rest of the Blackfish? Jamie. Jamie, come in sir. Jamie… Hello?

Eric: And Jamie doesn't respond.

Brandon (as Tracey): Hey Alonzo, I think we got ‘em.

Eric (as Alonzo): What you mean? There is one– there's one more there.

Amanda (as Inara): There's just that nervous one with all the facial hair. We’ll talk to him, it's fine.

Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah. Like we got it.

Michael (as Johnny): Hey Alonzo, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but my suggestion for you is if maybe you do less insulting when you talk to your personal body guard who has saved you multiple times, and instead, you know, we all just have a good time. Otherwise, it's good on you for remembering that there was a bad guy.

Amanda (as Inara): Jamie that sword looks real heavy. I just – I could just like like hold onto it for just a second. You know, like take a load off your shoulders, like leave these mortal cares behind…

Brandon (as Tracey): Guys, where’s Evan?!

Eric (as Jamie): Wait. Wait.

Eric: He keeps one hand within him and Inara to make sure she doesn’t go for his sword.

Eric (as Jamie): Hey, that small twitchy guy put me in the ribs of the Bonefish in the first place. I was running him down as he came to take that giant’s home there, and he jumped – he jumped behind me, got on my head, and threw me into the whale. But of course like I kind of just bummed around because there aren’t actually, like stomach in there, and I'm half dead anyway and it just kept me in the ribcage. Luckily he's dead too. So yeah it actually is taken care of.

Brandon (as Tracey): Did you kill him?

Eric (as Jamie): Nah, the bone whale also ate him.

Amanda (as Inara): He ate Torn-Born?

Eric (as Jamie): Yeah. Yeah. They're all dead.

Amanda (as Inara): Cool, problem solved.

Michael (as Johnny): Well do you want an apple slice, or…?

Eric (as Jamie): No, I'm still waiting to get spirited away.

Eric: And he goes back to the pose he was holding.

Michael (as Johnny): Have a piece of apple

Brandon (as Tracey): Do you need to stand higher? We can get an apple box or something. Do you need to stand on something?

Amanda (as Inara): Yeah you could like climb on the ruin or something

Brandon (as Tracey): You could climb on my shoulders?

Michael (as Johnny): Maybe we put some apple butter on you or make it more appetizing.

Amanda (as Inara): Johnny could like light you from below majestically.

Michael (as Johnny): I mean listen, we’ll play with your fantasy as long as you want, but in the meantime there are great apple ciders over at the Giant Mistake.

Amanda (as Inara): And so many snacks in our ship yo!

Michael (as Johnny): Like dried apples.

Brandon (as Tracey): There's not-apple things too I think

Amanda (as Inara): I mean who cares though. Am I right?

Amanda: And then I high five Johnny

Michael: I’ll use my arcane secret handshake skill.

Amanda: Yep

Michael: and it's a nat 20 and –

Amanda: I got an 18 so this is a very epic handshake

(high five sound)

Eric: You guys do such a thunderous, loud, amazing high-five, and it resonates all throughout the ruins –

Michael: and the realm?

(laughter)

Eric: the ruins and the realm!

Amanda: The ruin! Nay! The realm!

Eric: And with that you hear the swift patter of feet on stone. (sound of footsteps pattering on stone) And Evan comes running up and says

Eric (as Evan): Guys that was amazing!

Brandon (as Tracey): do you have my bag?!

Eric: Cut forward three days.

(all laughing)

Eric: Hey, my players, I have something fun to tell you.

Amanda: Uh-oh.

Brandon: Uh-oh.

Eric: You're all level 6!

All: Yay! (cheering)

Michael & Amanda: (singing excitedly)

Eric: We’re going to do our favorite part of the arc!

Michael & Amanda: (still singing)

Eric: Housekeeping!

All: (laughter, louder singing)

Michael (singing): Housekeeping!

Amanda (singing) housekeeping! This is the housekeeping rap…

Michael: oh oh! This is the housekeeping rap break? Go ahead then!

Eric: (rapping) My name is Inara and I’m here to say –

Michael: (joining in) I like housekeeping –

Eric: (at the same time as Michael) I like to stab in a major way –

Michael: in a ... major… housekeeping… (trailing off)

Eric: ... in a major housekeeping way.

Alright we’re going to go around in a circle and we're going to talk about what happens when you're at level 6. Fish, what is Johnny like now on Level 6?

Michael: So on Level 6 he got the power of Searing Vengeance using the old form of the Undying Light. Johnny now, upon needing to do a death saving throw, can instead go through some shenanigans that happened last episode. The goal is obviously to not do this, as there are consequences, and because I don't think that as a person Johnny would want to do that

Eric: Yeah dying is always bad

Michael: Dying is always bad. Otherwise I'm going to be receiving an extra spell slot and the ability to do two fun new spells. One is Mirror Image which is this awesome spell where I can create three other me’s doin’ what I be doin’

Amanda: Like light through a crystal, refracted into many versions of you.

Michael: (laughing) and then I also got Misty Step. I briefly get surrounded by a silvery mist and then I teleport up to 30 feet. We’re going to instead make that I get surround by light and then just poof by light.

Eric: Sure, Fish and then what is your HP now?

Michael: I have 54!

Eric: Ooh, you are a beefy little warlock.

Michael: I rolled an 8

Eric: Hey now!

Brandon: (quietly) you’re an all-star

Eric: (whispering) get your game on

Brandon & Michael: go play

Eric: Amanda what's going on with your girl Inara?

Amanda: your girl Inara has gotten better at things that she was already good at, basically. So rogues have a thing called “expertise” which means that when I do things I'm really good at, I get to double my modifier. So that gives me plus 9 to acrobatics, plus 8 to investigation, plus 6 to persuasion and plus 9 to stealth, so I'm going to be flipping, sneaking, investigating, and when necessary, talking to people and persuading as much as I possibly can.

Eric: You got two skills of expertise which you got when you were first started out as a rogue and now you get two more in level 6. And what is Inara’s HP now?

Amanda: I'm up to 43.

Eric: Gosh darn. Tracey how does it feel– in the few days after your wonderful adventure– how does it feel not having your Long Arm of the Law?

Brandon: It feels weird like in his head he knows that he lived, you know, the majority of his life without it. But now that it's gone it kind of feels like he is a little bit more incomplete. He catches himself sometimes just sliding the glove on and off.

Eric: I like to think that Tracey is doing this in public as well. Kind of just like he tries to cast out his Long Arm of the Law even if he's not aware he's like doing it in front of other people. After your wonderful adventure taking down the Bone Whale, Antipolis is really starting to come back to the way it was before. Zubi is back walking around the city. The rivers are flowing in the ways they should be. Energy is coming all back to all over Antipolis, and I think that you guys have been welcomed with open arms into the Capitol building and Antipolis. And I like to just think that Tracey’s like walking around the West Wing like you were before, just like haphazardly throwing his half-made hand around

Brandon: One hand he's casting his long arm and the other hand he's just picking things up from people's outgoing mailboxes and just looking at it, reading it, and putting it back down

Amanda: And who’s carrying the platter of bagels and pastries?

Brandon: Oatcake

Amanda: nice

Eric: Bob the Skrull stops you. You take a look at this guy and he’s just – he’s a kind looking man. He just wants to help out and he puts his hand on your shoulder and he says

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Hey Trace. Um… how ya feelin?

Brandon (as Tracey): (sounding not-so-great) Great

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Tracey now I do not believe you. Tracey, how do you feel?

(silence)

Brandon (as Tracey): (quieter) … Great…

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Alright you can keep lying to me, but I know what’s gonna make you feel better. Come on! Come with me.

Brandon: Tracey finishes the outgoing mail he was reading, puts it back down in someone’s mailbox and follows Bob

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): You know even in Antipolis, that’s crime.

(Brandon laughs)

Eric: Bob the Skrull leads you by –

Brandon: He’s holding the chain

Eric: Yeah he's holding the chain and you're just kind of like flopping behind him. Like you’re one of those like little kids that’s on, like, the leash. You never know where he's going to go. Bob the Skrull leads you to a different part of the city that you hadn't seen. Evan kind of led you to the only places that really had power, but there was a whole other part of the city that you had just never seen before. And this is one that has cobblestone steps, and he leads you down, and down, and down stairs that just like come out of nowhere. It's like you took a right on a city street and then all of a sudden, like, that street pavement that was paved with stones just starts to continue down some stairs and every time you look over to Bob the Skrull he’s just like

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Hey, Tracey, this is a surprise! Trace. Tracey! Tracemaster! You’re gonna be great. It’s gonna be fine.

Brandon: Tracey continues to follow Bob but has – his help horn is on sort of like a leather strap around his shoulder – he puts it in front of him

Eric: I want you to make a sleight of hand check

(sound of dice rolling)

(silence)

Eric: Brandon you’re doing the thing where you don’t tell me what it is. What’d you roll?

Brandon: That’s a one.

Eric: Oh no. Tracey you turned your help horn back around and your two daggers just clatter down on the street (sound of daggers clattering) and it makes a sound like you dropped all of your food in the high school cafeteria and everyone’s looking at you.

Brandon: Tracey haphazardly scatters on the floor and tries to grab his daggers and bring them back up and re-sheath them

Eric: And just everything is going all over the place. Tallahassee’s bag flies one way, your sandwich goes another. Your homework is all over the place.

Brandon: I try to reel Tallahassee back in with my long arm, but it doesn't work!

Eric: And Bob holds his hands up and says

Eric (as Bob the Skrull) Hey! This is one of the heroes here! Hey, he fought the Bone Whale! You should all be thankful that he’s walking daggers around! Everyone give him a round of applause!

Eric: And everyone does

(sound of a small crowd clapping)

Tracey (quietly) I… I didn’t… Thanks… I didn’t do very much… Thanks guys

Eric: and it was ten – at first it was just like a few people and then it really starts becoming like a big applause

(sound of larger crowd clapping, some people shouting “woo!”)

Tracey: Please stop… please stop this...

Eric: And with that Bob gives you like a curtain call. And he nudges you in the side and he’s like

Eric (as Bob the Skrull) Hey take a bow

Brandon: Tracey swings his cape around a little bit like a dejected child.

Eric: Two people in the crowd go “Woooo!” and Bob leads you down these stairs and as you go lower, and lower, and lower, it actually starts to get really hot, like hotter than the climate is, and you don't know where this heat is coming from at all. And finally you get to this big iron door with two bars– really classic, you know, dungeon iron door – there's like two bars right in the window. And Bob does a “shave and a haircut” on the door.

(sound of “shave and a haircut” knock)

Brandon: Tracey rushes and finishes it.

Eric: (laughing) with two hits?

Brandon: He loves that knock. It’s his favorite knock

(Eric and Amanda laughing)

(sound of Tracey’s two knocks)

Eric: The door opens and you see a dwarven woman with a really high blonde top-knot just all the way up on the top of her head, and a very, very, bushy blonde beard. And she's holding this massive hammer, just twice the size of anything that a creature of that size should be able to hold. She turns to you two and says

Eric (as dwarf woman): Now which one of you is Bob the Skrull? I can't– I just can't tell you apart. Are you brothers? You twins?

Brandon (as Tracey): (confused) N-No. My name’s Tracey. That's Bob. (Eric laughing) I'm a robot. He's not … a robot.

Eric: The woman turns to Bob and says

Eric (as dwarf woman) He's okay, right?

Eric: And Bob says

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Don’t worry about it –

Brandon (as Tracey): (hastily) I feel great!

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Hey he feels great! Can we come on in?

Eric: And you walk inside and it's a workshop. It's not like Kohl's workshop though, where everything was just kind of jammed together, fitting as many pieces as possible into one place. This is a very, very clean and ordered workshop. Even though it's hot and kind of dim, everything looks like it's perfect place. Actually it’s alphabetical order. You're going from like these things called A-bolts all the way to Z… (pause) bolts.

(Brandon and Amanda laughing)

Eric: And everything in between. As you're looking around, the dwarven woman turns to you and says

Eric (as dwarf woman): Oh sorry I didn't introduce myself. Welcome to Rudy’s Really Rad Robot Robotorium. I'm Rudy. I just keep thinking – we don't actually have a real name but I just keep doing as much alliteration ahead – uh here. It's nice to meet you.

Eric: She puts out her hand.

Brandon: Tracy puts out his Long Arm of the Law and says

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh, I'm sorry.

Brandon: And slides the glove off and shakes her hand.

Eric:  Yeah, she's totally unfazed. It’s like you’re taking off a sweater. Make a strength check

(dice rolling sound)

Brandon: 17.

Eric: Rudy tries to grab your hand as a show of force, but you just lift the dwarven woman off the ground, shaking her vigorously. Bob says

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Tracey, this is exactly where you need to be. You're in the Robotorium! We’re gonna get you lookin’ a-ship-robot-shape

Brandon (as Tracey): Thanks, Bob. What happens it a robotorium?

Eric: Rudy kind of like circles around

Eric (as Rudy): Tracey! This is everything you need! The robotorium is where robots get better! It's not like robot hospital. It's like they get better the way that they should have been in the first place.

Brandon (as Tracey):  I don't like the way that was phrased, but cool! Show me what you got, Rudy!

Brandon (as Tracey): (whispering) I was perfect. I woke up like this.

Eric: And Rudy says under her breath

Eric (as Rudy): (whispering) flawless

Eric: And she's showing you everything that she has. She's like watching gears like go by, so you see like little soldiers who kind of look a little bit like you and are just like a foot tall are just like clomping by. And there's even a little moment where she gives you her massive hammer and you try to bring it down on a piece of metal. Make a strength check please.

(dice rolling sound)

Brandon: (hesitantly): 5?

Eric: (laughing) Yeah you try to bring it down on the piece of metal, and you just totally miss and clomp on your own foot. And everyone laughs silently and later in the montage you do it again and you succeed and everyone does a clap and Bob says

Eric (as Bob the Skrull): Well that was a really great montage, but Rudy, you know there's a reason why I brought him here.

Eric: She says

Eric (as Rudy): You're right. Tracey, I think that you have it in you to start taking care of yourself.

Brandon (as Tracey) It's never really been my thing, but um – it really hasn't worked so far – my current strategy. So. Yeah I think it– I think you're right.

Eric: And Tracey, I hear you want to multiclass.

Brandon: I do want to multiclass.

Eric: And what would that multiclass be?

Brandon: Artificer.

Eric (singing fanfare) bah dah dah dah dah bum-ba-dum

(Amanda joins in) buuuum ba da-dummmm

Michael (whispering): Rap break (quietly beat-boxing)

Eric: So Tracey what does that mean for you?

(Amanda and Michael quietly beatboxing)

Brandon: This is good, keep it going

I am now an artificer. So instead of taking a level in barbarian, I took a first level in artificer and what that means is that I make magic items, essentially. Practically, that means I got a couple of new proficiencies. I am proficient in thieves’ Tools, smiths’ tools, and woodcarvers’ tools.

Eric: Yeah we can just like swirl that all together and call that robomancy.

Brandon: We could do that. I've also started being able to use some magic so I have 3 cantrips now: detect magic, identify, and mending. And most cool of all: I. got. a thunder cannon.

Amanda: (excitedly) What?

Michael: You’re going guns, okay.

Brandon: I got a gun on my arm. Tracey was able to take the piece of the gun that he took from James's lab late one night and made it into–

Eric: (singing) It was a mash–

Brandon: –a thunder cannon.

Michael: (singing) It was midday–

Eric: (singing) It was a monster mash

Amanda: (singing) It was a monster mash

Michael: (singing) It was midday...

Eric: (singing) it was midday

Michael: (singing to the tune of “Monster Mash”) it was a miiiiiiiiiidday

Eric: (to the tune of “Monster Mash”) A robo day!

Brandon: So now on my left arm I have a thunder cannon which is essentially a big gun that shoots magic bullets.

Amanda: Tracey I can't wait to see you try to interact with street urchins with giant gun as an arm

Brandon: So I think most importantly though I think character-wise, what's happening for Tracey is that he has not really been able to really fully rely on someone, on other people as much as he’d hoped to be able to. So he's really taken it upon himself to try to be able to become his own Warforged.

Amanda: Tracey just has to be single for a while, just really play the field. See what it’s like

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: I’d really like to think, like at some point you just kind of like sit down like you're getting a manicure and pedicure, and you're just getting worked over and Rudy’s just like tweaking everything that's going on on your arm, and Bob is just like keeping you up with gossip that’s happening in Antipolis, and two three four hours later, Rudy puts both her beard and hair back in respective top buns. She says

Eric (as Rudy): Phew! All right. All finished,Tracey. What do you think?

Eric: And you looked down at your arms. Your left arm is just like you was before but now you feel like a little bit more powerful there. And you realize that they've built the Long Arm of the Law back into your arm. And you swing it around playfully (Brandon laughs) and your other arm – you’re just having so much fun with your Inspector Gadget arm on your other arm– you look over and it’s just like it’s a gun! It’s a badass cannon that you have on your right.

Brandon: Yeah

Eric: How do you feel, bud?

Brandon: I feel pretty good. Pretty savvy. Pretty capable. Think I need to take some time to practice though probably.

Eric: Oh that’s terrifying I hadn’t thought about that yet. With that, Rudy slaps you on the back and says

Eric (as Rudy): Don’t worry guy you're ready for anything

Eric: And with that she shoves a very long list of maintenance tips to keep everything clean everything working right and she says

Eric (as Rudy): Hey. If you ever need help just come back to Rudy's Ridiculously Rad Robot R-cademy. I couldn’t finish that properly.

Brandon (as Tracey): That’s very good. I like it. Are there any tips on like ooze and not getting it on your Long Arm of the Law and not having to chop it off. Is that in there?

Eric: Rudy and Bob both turn to each other and they both say

Eric (as Rudy and Bob): Shoot it! (Rudy and Bob laughing)

Brandon (as Tracey): (fake laughter) No but really… oh okay

(workshop noises)

Eric: So Fish, this is about four days after the Bone Whale biz. You’ve been put up in a really nice roo– I'm just kidding. It's the same room at the Giant Mistake.

Michael: Sure

Eric: It’s-it’s fine

Michael: It’s fine

Eric: It’s fine

Michael: I think I need to interact with the Shadow a little more– try to figure it out. So instead of meditating to speak with the Undying Light I think I'm going to meditate to try to talk with the Shadow because I kind of need to find a way to like deal with it.

Eric: Sure.

Michael: I’m going to scavenge through the entire inn of the Giant Mistake for every candle and every source of light that I can like physically bring up with me

Eric: Sure

Michael: You know trying to hide it from Hephaestus, but you know winking at him if he catches me, and just like taking every candle in the room to get it as bright as possible just in case, you know, something happens and I need as much light as possible

Eric: Sure

Michael: Once I do that, I mean I’m going to sit down and I'm going to focus on the lantern, but this time instead of focusing on the light itself I'm going to focus on the shadows that the light is creating, and not just from the Undying Light but from all the candles and all the light sources in the room.

Eric: Sure. I like to think you're sitting in the middle of the room with all the candles surrounding you and like in front of you maybe on your bed is the lantern and you're sitting there and you hear a seductive voice say

The Undying Shadow: (very deeply) Aw, you made the room so pretty for me

Eric: And as you open one eye the Shadow was just kind of like sitting on your bed with vague legs hanging off the side.

The Undying Shadow: (still deep) Oh Johnny, you’re sweet bringing me out like this

Michael (as Johnny): You know I called you for you. So maybe we can just like talk normally.

The Undying Shadow: What you don’t think this is my normal voice, Johnny?

Michael (as Johnny): Kind of I'm hoping not. But you know that's– hey I don't control the shadows.

Eric: The shadow form just kind of like congeals again and goes in the amorphous shadow you've seen before and says

The Undying Shadow: (no longer deep) Okay, I guess we're not having fun anymore. Yeah, Johnny, what do you need?

Michael (as Johnny): Previously you told me I had to make a choice. What did you mean by that?

The Undying Shadow: Yeah the two paths. They don't teach you things like this in Undying Light school? The path of acceptance or the path of annihilation. It’s like me– I'm the roadblock. You gotta tussle with me to ascend to light, happiness, I don't know. Not my job.

Michael (as Johnny):  I guess you're not aware that I'm probably the only person currently even believing in the Undying Light or the Shadow or anything.

The Undying Shadow: Oh man I must be winning then. That sounds real good.

Michael (as Johnny): Yeaaaaaaaah...

The Undying Shadow: Well okay I guess I'll have to do things that you'd usually do. Okay, um, I haven't had to do it from this side before. I'm usually just like the, you know, the bad cop to the big you, the big L. Okay. So all the acolytes of the Undying Light has to make a choice. And you know I'm like the bad guy trying to come in and corrupt everybody, but I'm good. I mean I don't need you guys but you need to like throw yourself at my feet like figure it out if you really want to be all Undying Light all the time. So you have acceptance, where you let me into your life and we're like –we're pals. Or annihilation, where you try to murder me all the time which I very much don't like and I do not think that me and the entire Undying Shadow realm would be very happy about that.

Michael (as Johnny): So it's either I become all about the Shadow or I try to kill you constantly? There's no…? Now because here's the thing. You’ve  caused a lot of problems and I mostly hate you but I kind of have come to realize I can't not deal with you.

The Undying Shadow: Yeah.

Michael (as Johnny): There's really no middle man? I have to either kill you or I have to become....

The Undying Shadow: Well no, no, it's not– it's not become you. I mean you listen you're looking at this candle right?

Eric: And you can see shadow’s hand extends all the way from your bed to the one of these far candles all the way on the other side of the room

The Undying Shadow: Look at the candle. There's a light and there's a shadow. These two things are happening at the same time. There's not one without the other. You need to have the Light and the Shadow comes with it. So you need to accept, you know,  accept me that I can still be in your life– and I hope so. Wouldn’t that be so sweet?

Michael (as Johnny): No.

The Undying Shadow:  Or yeah you're going to keep murdering me and a whole part of the other realms is just gonna come after you and if you think you can do it, hero boy, you can come after it.

Michael (as Johnny): Wait what do you mean “comes after me”?

The Undying Shadow: Well you know it's it's not just me, you think it's just me? No, I mean it’s like the Undying Light comes from the positivity plane. I've got my own crew with me, I got my own plane too of shadow, of darkness, and they'll come after you. So you've got to do some reckoning here and if you look behind you, it seems like you might have made a choice already.

Eric: And you look around and all the candles you notice that all the candles have shadows and you look back and you don't have a shadow. It's just you.

The Undying Shadow: Now this could just be like a faux pas, you know that you, big L, likes to take shadows away, you know, trying to mess with me here. Fine. But you have to make your choice for yourself and not just what some ethereal guy is going to tell you or not.

Michael (as Johnny): When do I have to choose.

The Undying Shadow: You know, soon, the holidays. (silence) No just kidding. I don't know how soon. You'll know

Michael (as Johnny): and if I accept that shadows are part of light. What I…?

The Undying Shadow: Harmony. Togetherness

Michael (as Johnny): What do you gain from it.

The Undying Shadow: Friendship–

Michael (as Johnny): I doubt that that’s

The Undying Shadow:  Your friendship.

Michael (as Johnny): I doubt that that's the most– That's the thing you get.

The Undying Shadow: You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out. Hey you got all these candles to help you

Eric: And with that the Shadow pops back into the lantern and about half of the candles go out.

(pause)

Eric: Have you bought new clothes?

Michael: (laughing) Oh my gosh. I just been walking around…

(all laughing)

Eric: Star swipe!

Amanda: Shopping montage! Get in loser, we’re going shopping! It’s Inara driving a car with Oatcake and sunglasses and Tracey sitting in the back with his mani-pedi flip-flops still on. And we’re going shopping.

(all laughing)

Michael: Can the car be Joe instead?

Amanda: Yes it sure can.

Eric: Alright, Amanda. What does Inara want to do with her free time around Antipolis?

Amanda: Um Inara is obviously going to snuggle for a very long time with Oatcake because we have been apart for a day or so and that's too long.

Eric: Sure. Something you notice about Oatcake recently: she was just so happy to see you when you came back and just like it's all belly rubs and face licks just forever. For three nights in a row you're waking up in the middle of the night because oatcake is just staring at you and growling.

Amanda: (gasps) Noooooo!

Eric: But as soon as you wake up Oatcake just goes back to the way she was and she just like poofs right in your face and licks your face and everything's fine.

Amanda: I'm going to try my best to placate her and reassure her that it's me and it's fine. And I probably am not going to sleep very well then if that's what's happening in the middle of the night.

Eric: You're also having these dreams about being Callie again. You look down and you have the same hands that you did before when you were saving Johnny, and it's just you flying. Nothing really happens. You don’t even really hear Callie's voice again. But you are like inhabiting her body. You have her unicorn horn in the middle of your head and you're just like flying over your forests that you remember from when you were a kid, you're flying over Fidopolis, you’re just flying everywhere. and I want to tell you about your shadow cowl now.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: You shadow cowl doesn't act the same way. It has the same mechanics but instead of you jumping from shadow to shadow, you turn into Callie and you become a ghost. So for a minute you can fly around and be incorporeal and then when you want to come back into this plane of existence, into being a solid person again then you get just like do an action and you're back .

Amanda: All right. And can I touch stuff while I am a ghost? I’m assuming not

Eric: N,o while you’re a ghost you can't, but you can fly. Which is half your speed.

Amanda: Okay I will take it

Eric: Yeah. While you're having these dreams, you're hearing sounds that come from body parts that I don't think you've ever seen on a living creature before. They come from like

Amanda: Like people's chests and things?

Eric: Yeah chests and guttural sounds that you can’t make with your own mouth. You realize you're hearing this as if it's Common and you start to put it together that now you know Infernal which is the language of Tieflings

Amanda: Alright moving past the highly disturbing nature of all of that, in the safe, safe daytime, I would like to visit the alleyway where I found the note from the Assassins Guild.

Eric: Cool with Oatcake at your heels you go a-cllomping back (laughs) you don’t go a-clompin’

Amanda: Oh I do. That's the only way I walk.

Eric: (singing, jauntily) bum bum bum bum bum da-da-da-dum

Eric: And although the rest of Antipolis has gotten very busy and is bustling now, this same alleyway is totally deserted... again.

Amanda: I'm going to investigate the walls the nooks the crannies the corners while trying to look casual and sort of cool in case somebody stumbles upon me. My street urchin reputation needs to remain intact from the glorious flip day back in Fidopolis. I want to see if there is any additional Thieves’ Cant or any notes any messages from the Suild.

Eric: Sure make an investigation check.

Amanda: With my new expertise I got 12 plus 8 for a non-natural 20.

Eric: Oh goddamn. Alright you press your body against the stone wall and you're looking for nooks and crannies and you don't see anything, but as you look up, 20 feet in the air you see a flag that you didn't notice before. It’s got a small pennant and it's purple and it's hanging from the roof of this building.

Amanda: Can I see a doorway or window or scale a wall to get up there?

Eric: Yeah there is a fire escape leading all the way up this building.

Amanda: I would like to scale that fire escape.

Eric: Sure, acrobatics?

(dice rolling sound)

Amanda: Feels right. 14 plus 9 for 23. This is my life now, Eric where I can just do anything acrobatic or steal things.

Eric: Seriously. Alright, what does it look like as you're scampering up the fire escape.?

Amanda: I'm going to tell Oatcake to stay and she's going to sit obediently and look up at me and pant and wag her tail, and then I'm going to flip up to grasp the bottom of the fire escape, foot myself up through the entrance, and I’m going to actually just scale outside of the fire escape. Steps are for civilians.

(Eric laughing)

Eric: And yeah you do it with ease. And as you sit at the top of the building next to the purple pennant, you grab it and on the back written in Thieves’ Cant are three sentences. First is “great job.” The second is “No help next time.” And the third is “You’re in.”

Amanda: (Gasps) (singing fanfare) bum ba-da-dum ba baaaaa!

Amanda: Inara feels such an array of emotions. Like elation at the job, shame at the reminder that she had help, and then disbelief like she reads the pendant again and again, probably until Oatcake starts barking to make sure she's okay, frozen at the top of the fire escape. And so she's going to sort of stroke it with her thumbs and then put it deep in her deepest side pant pocket and climb a little bit more subdued back down the fire escape, picks Oatcake up and kind of hugs her to her chest and then casually, trying to look somewhat cool collected, walks back out of the alley.

Eric: Oatcake poops on top of your head and flops on top of you

Amanda: Adorable

Eric: Star swipe?

(Music)

Amanda: Hey, it’s Amanda. Do you have a favorite place to eat in your hometown? A local diner or a sandwich shop? You tell all your friends how good it is, how quick the service comes, how cheap all that food is, but you can’t capture the magic. It’s been a few months or years, you’re at home and you NEED to hit up that local spot. And, even after all this time, the cashier remembers you. For a moment, you feel like the most famous person in the world, or at least, in this sandwich shop. Welcome to the midroll. Your sandwich is a turkey BLT.

This is our last episode of Pool Party! Are you ready, y’all? I can’t believe it. Thank you to everyone who’s listened to our journey thus far, and we have so much more coming. Believe me, it is BUCK. WILD.

Welcome to the party to our newest patrons: Johnnyboy, Rachel Noto, Rachel M, Tom, Cailin, Shann, Erin, Zachary, Kelsie, Tyler Batts, and Aiden! And thank you to Erin, PJ, Artemis, Maggie, and Darcy who upped their pledges! Hot DAMN, you all came out these last two weeks. We are SO CLOSE to our first goal of 100 patrons - a commissioned map of Fidapolis. We have some really cool ideas for how this could look on your wall or as your desktop background, so help us get over the top. If you haven’t joined the party, head over to patreon.com/jointhepartypod. You’ll like the way you pledge, I guarantee it.

Oh, and cool news—Brandon released the gorgeous music he composed for our first arc, Wedding Party. The album is called Wedding Favors and it’s very cute. You can go to brandongrugle.bandcamp.com or follow the link in the description, and pay what you want for the album!

We are sponsored this week by Twenty Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York, bringing you another MASTER DUNGEON MASTER Q&A segment! Our question this week: “Do you have any unusual tips or tools for DMs? Is there anything you've found that's made DMing easier or more enjoyable that surprised you?” Lauren says, “I find myself most often using Google Drive folders to organize my materials so I can share with my players or other DMs running the same campaign. Google Groups are also great for creating an email thread for discussions in between games.” Thanks, Lauren! And remember, we have a special discount code to Twenty Sided Store just for our listeners. Head on over to twenty (full word) sided store.com and use our discount code JOINTHEPARTY for 20% off.

Aaaaand also this week, we are so excited to be sponsored by Good Society. This is a Jane Austen tabletop roleplaying game, where participants play characters like those that captured their imagination in Austen’s books. It's kiiiiinda like Jane Austen D&D. Good Society focuses on romance, scandal, and status, with players working together to create their very own Austen novel. Instead of dice, combat, and monsters, the main mechanics of Good Society are reputation, connections, and family background. The project has unlocked more than 10 stretch goals, including a hack of the game itself, with a theme voted for by its backers. So if you get in on this now, you can help unlock more stretch goals and get a copy of the game. They have over 1100 backers and will be on Kickstarter until March 5th, 2018. Pledge today at bit.ly/goodsocietygame.

And finally, please, keep sharing us with your friends. We’ve seen an uptick of listeners, which we are so grateful for, and we want that to keep going. This week, try telling someone about Join the Party who’s not a podcast person. This may take some extra work, but showing someone how to use the Apple podcast app or podcatcher of your choice will grow the pie of listeners. They’ll have a whole new universe to listen to, and you’ll have done your good deed for the day.

Now, let’s get back to the show.

(Music)

Eric: It's been about a week's time since you've defeated the Bone Whale and the city’s come back to normal or what Ev says normal.

Eric (as Evan): You know it's like that thing where everyone's happy to be outside and doing stuff.

Eric: So you’ve gathered outside of the Capitol building because the Speaker says he has a surprise for you. And everyone’s there. Ev is kind of bouncing around, he like knows a secret, and he's like trying to hold in the secret and he's excited for you guys. You’ve retrieved Captain Alex and everything's good with the Uptown Girl.

Amanda: Tell me everything (laughing)

Eric: Zubi apologized for breaking the Uptown Girl and said that he was not in his right mind which everyone agreed. And thereupon these errors are arose.

Michael: Yo is Comway back or did I kill...

Eric: Oh yeah–

Brandon (as Tracey): (shouting) Alex, it’s so good to see you!

Brandon: And Tracey runs and hugs Alex.

Eric: She’s like

Eric (as Alex): Oh man! Check out these mods you've got!

(dice rolling sound)

Brandon: That's a nat 20 for hugs.

Eric: No it's not!

Brandon: It really was

Eric: Oh my god! Yeah you pick her up and you just like spin her around in a circle and the gun goes off too.

(All laughing)

Amanda: Does her hair like flip majestically on the breeze generated by the hug-swing?

Eric: Yes. And Ev is still like recounting everything that he could see from the outside. And like imagines what your fight was like. It's like

Eric (as Evan): Oh man I’m sure you just like jumped on top of that thing, and you were just like punching it in the face, like it's bone-bone face, like you guys were just crushing it. Great job. Just Great job. I mean, I was outside and I was keeping track of the bag, and I think we all did like a really good like team effort.

Amanda (as Inara) Teamwork man makes the dream work.

Brandon: Tracey high fives Evan

(two dice rolling sounds)

Eric: I got a 15.

Brandon: I got a 5.

Eric: (laughing) Yeah you miss. Tracey the one nice thing you do to Evan just totally whiff it. And Alonzo says

Eric (as Alonzo): I am ready for our prize! We deserve together to be – the cham-the champion came in and championed!

Michael: I put my hand on his shoulder and whisper

Michael (as Johnny): Tone it down. Just tone it down.

Eric (as Alonzo): (measured, tentative) I mean I am very excited for Representative Shields to give us whatever we deserve, but if we're doing this on behalf of the concentric states, then that is good enough work already.

Eric: And he does a thumbs up at Johnny.

Michael: And I thumbs up back

Eric: Alonzo puts his hand on Johnny and says

Eric (as Alonzo): Johnny you– you didn’t– these arrows aren’t cursed are they?

Michael (as Johnny): Alonzo, the arrows weren't cursed. You were cursed the whole time.

Eric (as Alonzo): Oh that's….

Michael (as Johnny): I’m kidding! I’m kidding

Eric (as Alonzo): Oh oh! okay

Michael (as Johnny): No, they were very cursed. I'm glad you got rid of them.

Eric (as Alonzo): No I mean I still have two

Michael (as Johnny): Nope, you got rid of the two that were cursed–

Eric (as Alonzo): I shot– I shot–

Michael (as Johnny): Listen you didn't count correctly, I did.

Eric (as Alonzo): No because then when I took the other three I shot, I was practicing out there...

Michael (as Johnny): uh-huh

Eric (as Alonzo): and I was shooting at this bird...

Michael (as Johnny): uh-huh

Eric (as Alonzo): Because I was like “Oh man I got bad bow skills…”

Michael (as Johnny): Killing random wildlife, got it

Eric (as Alonzo): Yeah. And then like it then it flew away right after I pulled it. But then the arrow followed the bird and then like two seconds later I'm just like “Oh man that bird is right like 50 feet away right in that direction!”

Michael (as Johnny): Maybe I wasn't wrong and the curse was within you the whole time.

Eric (as Alonzo): Oh jeez.

Eric: While everyone is talking to each other and excitedly, just happy to be outside, Ev says

Eric (as Evan): Oh man you're going to love this secret it’s gonna be great!

Eric: And you see Representative Shields strolling down the front steps and he's wearing an all white suit with a white top hat.

Amanda: Whoa

Brandon: Fancier or less fancy than Tux the Kobold friend?

Eric: Fancier. Definitely fancier.

Brandon: Cool

Michael: I’m going to cast Dancing Lights and Light and Prestidigitation (dice rolling sound) to bedazzle that–

Amanda: (laughing) I'm going to cast Mage Hand and tug on the back of one of the hems of his pants to trip him up a little bit

Michael: If he's rolling to stop that he needs to beat a spell save of 15

Brandon: I'm gonna look sadly at my tattered cape

Eric: Representative Shields Just kind of buffalo-shuffles away from whatever you guys are doing and he looks delightful and he just has a hop in his step and he says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): I'm so happy that all of you were able to save us and everything from Antipolis. We’re so happy for you. Thank you so much for coming! Thank you! For being such wonderful champions, I'm going to bring you to the most exclusive club in all of Antipolis as the Representative guests

Michael (as Johnny): and it's the middle of the day.

Eric: Yeah

Michael (as Johnny): Okay.

Amanda: Nice. I love that 2pm club vibe.

Michael (as Johnny): I shuffle into my fancy outfit– still socks and sandals– and I bedazzle myself.

Brandon (as Tracey): What kind of club?

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Oh it is perf and exclusive. It is like a country club. It's not like an “untz untz untz untz” club. It’s the Representative Club. That's what they call it. Come along!

Eric: and everyone follows behind and Evan is still bouncing. He’s so, so, so excited. You're going past the Giant Mistake, out to the outskirts of the city. And the representative’s waving and giving finger guns to everybody he passes by. Real politician that guy is. You guys walk by the big column in the middle of the city and Zubi is just like pushing away at that thing.

Brandon (as Tracey): What up, Zubs!

Eric: And Zubi makes a big wave.

Amanda (as Inara): Good to see you up and about, man. You look great!

Eric: He waves to all of you as you walk by. You get to the outskirts of the city, and you see just a single shack kind of in the middle of a choppy field. Evan instructs all of you guys to get in a single file line behind the representative

Brandon (as Tracey): Uh, Ev, is that the country… club?

Eric (as Evan): yeah it’s-it’s-it’s a surprise, yeah

Eric: And the representative knocks three times on the door and he says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): the password is a rhubarb

Eric: and the door swings open and he hops in.

(silence)

Amanda: to what?

Eric: Nothing. It’s a totally black room that he jumped into.

Amanda: Did we see him fall?

Eric: Yeah, he disappears from view and very small you hear the sounds of him going

Eric (as Rep. Shields): (faintly, echoing) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Amanda (as Inara): Wow this guy really has no cares in the world now. It’s a very different version of him than we met before

Eric: and Ev says

Eric (as Evan): Man, Yeah. You saved the city. I guess that's what happens - you feel really um... jubilant is the word I was looking for.

Eric: and Ev jumps in the room and he also goes

Eric (as Evan): (faintly, echoing) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Amanda: I like it

Brandon: Uh

Michael: So the three of us turn to each other-

Brandon: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

Amanda: and Alonzo!

Brandon: Tracey says

Brandon (as Tracey): nose goes

Brandon: And puts his finger on his nose

Amanda: I put my finger on Alonzo's nose

Eric: and Captain Alex says

Eric (as Captain Alex): Alright. I'm in.

Eric: And pushes you three out of the way and dives head first in the door and goes

Eric (as Captain Alex): (faintly, echoing) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Amanda (as Inara): Watch Alonzo guys!

Amanda: And I'm going jump right after her.

Brandon (as Tracey): Johnny, we doin this thing?

Michael (as Johnny): Champion's first

Michael: and I push Alonzo

Eric: Alonzo goes

Eric (as Alonzo): Blaaaaaah!

Eric: And falls forwards and then eventually he goes

Eric (as Alonzo): (faintly, echoing) ahhhhhhh! Ooooohh! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

Brandon (as Tracey): Nice!

Brandon: And Tracey runs in!

Michael (as Johnny): seeing that everyone has left, I open my pack, take out an apple, slice several slices...

Eric: Star swipe! (all laugh) so you loaded out like your whole team was far ahead of you, just kind of glitch forward. There's this massive slide that is corkscrewing down, down, down, down, and you land just in a ball pit.

Amanda: (whispering) yessss!

Eric: And as you look around, there's blinking lights and sounds and the ringing of video games, and you're in an arcade.

Amanda: And he's wearing a white tux in this arcade?

(Brandon laughing)

Eric: And you've already seen the representative has gotten up, hung up his white top hat on a rack that says, “reserved for the representative” And he says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Mark, Dennie come get my things!

Eric: and the two Kenku come out of nowhere and grab his jacket and puts a soda in his hand and he starts drinking from it. He says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Welcome to the Representative Club or as I like to call it Döove and Böoster's

Amanda: Oh my god.

Brandon (as Tracey): (urgently) Guys, quarters please! Do you have some quarters? Can I have some quarters? Please, please, please, please can I have some quarters?!

Michael: Johnny’s going to step out of the ball pit and cast Prestidigitation on himself to clean himself of the inevitable urine that has collected in it

Amanda: uh huh, uh huh, uh huh

Eric: Captain Alex looks around and says

Eric (as Captain Alex): Oh man they have air hockey!

Eric: And runs in the direction of the air hockey table.

Brandon (as Tracey): I’ll play you!

Brandon: And I follow after

Amanda: I shoot Tracey a very dirty look and then request a Prestidige from Johnny.

Michael (as Johnny): Done.

Eric: You guys have a fun day at Döove and Böosters. What do you like to do there?

Amanda: I'm going to play the one where you just shoot a basketball, and that’s the entire game. Into like the hoop there.

Brandon: That's a good choice. That’s a solid choice

Eric: What skill do you use for that?

Amanda: Ooh. That would be …  acrobatics? Because it’s acrobatics of the hand.

Eric: Hey how are you doing acro-  Make some cool sick basketball stunts. What are you doing?

Amanda: Oh you know I'm definitely going to like grab the basketball, just do a little standing flip and then like turn around, go behind my back, and then shoot it into the hoop. Captain Alex could be watching me at any moment. This needs to be as cool as possible.

Eric: Okay I want you to make acrobatics, but then you also need to do a performance for how cool you look while you're doing it

Amanda: Gladly.

(dice rolling)

Amanda: So a 14 plus 9 for a 23 in acrobatics

Eric: Cool, and in performance?

Amanda: Well performance is an 8 so maybe it's a little bit transparent what I'm doing

Eric: Okay yeah you're obviously- you're mugging for Captain Alex, who’s still playing air hockey with Tracey at the moment, but you're just trying to get her attention. You're saying like “hey captain Alex check it out”

Amanda: Oh no...

Eric: While you’re throwing it in… but you get a really high score and you get a purple ticket which comes out of the Pop-a-Shot.

Amanda: Yay!

Eric: Jonathan what are you doing.

Michael: I'm going to go to the fortune teller machine.

Eric: Okay

Michael: And I want to get a fortune. And I'm going to make sure I get the fortune I want. So I walk up to the fortune telling machine-  what's it called?

Eric (as fortune teller): I am Madame Zolstra! Come to me and read your fortune!

Michael: I place the necessary tokens into the machine and

(pause)

Michael (as Johnny): What's my fortune, witch?

(all laughing)

Eric: a bunch of lights blink and go “beep-bop-beep-bop-beep”

Michael: Oooooh! I like this!

Eric: And- um and a white slip of paper is printed from beneath Madame Zolstra and she says

Eric (as Madame Zolstra): Your fortune is foretold! But only you can change it!

Michael: What is the fortune?

Eric: You pick it up and you read it and it says

Eric (as Madame Zolstra): Good luck comes to those who wait

Michael (as Johnny): What's that supposed to mean?

Eric (as Madame Zolstra):  Put in another token to have nother fortune!

Michael (as Johnny): I don't want another fortune. I want you to explain what this means

Michael: and I put in the token as I say that

Eric (as Madame Zolstra):  I am Madame Zolstra! Here is the fortune that you have asked for!

Eric: And you get another fortune that prints out, and it says “a stitch in time staves nine”

Michael: (laughing) Staves?

Eric: Yeah, staves

Amanda: Nine wounds

Eric: It’s staves nine. Nine staves. A stitch in time staves nine staves

Michael (as Johnny): No no no. You're not understanding, witch. (speaking slowly) What is my fortune? I don't understand.

Michael: And I place another token.

Eric (as Madame Zolstra): beep bop beep bop beep bop boop boop

Eric: And the ticket gets printed out and says, “The Undying Light protect you.”

Eric (as Madame Zolstra):  I hope you enjoy your fortune! Only you can change it!

Michael: I take out my wrench and I'm going to start to take apart this machine

Eric: All right. Make a robomancy roll

Michael: Okay robomancy roll

(dice rolling sound)

Michael: okay, 16

Eric: Alright you get the back cover off of the Madame Zolstra

(Amanda laughing)

Michael: Three goblins! Three goblins in the box! Three goblins in the box!

Eric: And the door comes off of the back and there’s a small kenku inside who then responds to you with a power drill into concrete (sound of drill)

Michael (as Johnny): Where'd you hear of the Undying Light.

Eric: More concrete drilling.

Michael (as Johnny): I just ask because I'm the only one who knows about this. So where have you heard of this.

Eric: The kenku responds first with a crowd marching, then with the crackle of a bonfire, then a preacher's voice coming loud and clear

Eric (as preacher): Well, the Undying Light protect you!

Michael (as Johnny): Okaaaaay... I thank the kenku and give it 20 gold as a thank you And wrench it back closed

Eric: And before you do that, the kenku gives you a yellow ticket.

Michael (as Johnny): You sure you can’t give me another ticket as well?

Eric (as preacher):  Well, the Undying Light protect you!

Michael: I’m going to roll for persuasion

Eric: Go ahead.

(dice rolling)

Michael: Fifteen plus eight for a large number- 23.

Eric: The kenku makes the sound of dice being rolled and also gives you a purple ticket.

Michael: Awesome.

Eric: Tracey you play your game with Captain Alex. What are you doing in the Döove and Böosters?

Brandon: Tracey is really excited.

Eric: How are your wonder senses?

Brandon: They're literally off the chart scales-wise. So he's- what he's doing is literally just running back and forth between game to game and like beating one and then going quickly to the other one, and in between each one every time he wins he has blown his help horn in excitement. Obviously he's playing laser tag and then he's-he's going to like the strength contest thing and hitting his great axe with it- like turned to the side.

(all laughing)

Brandon: There's like a balloon that you have to pop with a dart and he's like using the Long Arm of the Law to like just push the dart there

Eric: While you’re at the balloon game, you feel a tap on your shoulder and there’s a teenage boy with a greasy pimply face looking up at you and he says

Eric (as teen): Hey man, you can’t be cheating on all of these games

Brandon: I blow my help in his face.

Eric (as teen): Sir, I’m gonna get security to come get you if you don’t stop. Only comply with Döove and Böosters appreciates which is games, games, and playing fair.

Brandon: I throw one more dart with my Long Arm of the Law and pop another balloon while I'm staring daggers in his eyes. And then go over to the DDR and pull on my Armor of the Punk Rocker and start DDRing

Michael: oh… my… god

Eric: okay…

Amanda: What is that mechanic- does he make some kind of save with that?

Brandon: He really likes games!

Eric:  Yeah okay. First you need to make a performance roll

(dice rolling)

Brandon: 6.

(Michael laughing)

Eric: Now I want you to make performance again and this time but with minus 2

Brandon: I roll 19 minus 2 for 17.

Eric: What song do you queue up on DDR?

Brandon: Mr. Roboto. Obviously

Eric: Nice - and you are just turning it up. You are… I wasn’t really into DDR so it’s just like making me feel sweaty

(laughter)

Eric: You’re just like slamming your feet, you put your hand down to like touch all 6 things at the same time

Brandon: I have Tally out and he’s helping me press some of the buttons

Eric: You are cheating with a crocodile! (laughing) the game says

Eric (as game): You win! You are great at dancing!

Brandon: I bow to no one in particular on all sides of the game

Eric: and you get a purple ticket and as you reach out to grab the purple ticket.

Brandon: Tally tries to grab it and I smack him away!

Eric: So you slap Tallahassee out of the way and as you go to grab the purple ticket, a hand comes forward and it’s the teenage boy who you saw before and he grabs it and says

Eric (as teen): Hey I- only people who comply with the Döove and Böoster's code are allowed to get purple tickets. I'm sorry you're going to have to go to the front and deal with customer service.

Brandon: I walk over to the snack stand to get some ice cream

Eric: Okay (laughing)

Brandon: and get a brownie maybe

Eric: okay yeah you get an ice cream.

Brandon: Okay and I-

Michael: The pizza is really good.

Brandon: I share...

Eric: at Döove and Böosters

Brandon: I share it with Tally because I felt bad about-  

Michael: Slapping it?

Eric: That's okay. Representative Shields comes over and puts an arm over your shoulder and says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Ah, well don't worry about it. These guys- these managers you just can't take them serious. Hey, you could have one of my yellow tickets. I don't need them I get them all the time.

Eric: and he gives you a yellow ticket

Brandon (as Tracey): Oh hey thanks. What do I do with this thing?

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Oh well you go up to the prize shop!

Brandon (as Tracey): Hold up. Wait. wait. I get to play games AND you get prizes for PLAYING the games?

Eric (as Rep. Shields): That's the best part is the prizes! You go up to the prize center!

Brandon (as Tracey): (quietly) Representative shields. This is the greatest gift anyone’s ever given me.

Michael (as Johnny): I brought you back to life

Amanda: Including a second chance at life?!

Michael (as Johnny): I literally brought to life -

Brandon (as Tracey): INCLUDING life

Eric (as Rep. Shields): The greatest gift that was ever given to me was a golden statue of me but with two hats on.

Brandon (as Tracey): That's a weird thing to say. Thanks for the ticket! Bye!

Eric (as Rep. Shields): No problem! See you later.

Eric: So over at the front of the Döove and Böosters, there is a really big claw machine.

Amanda: (gasping)

Eric: and you see there's a really long line of adventurers of all shapes, races, sizes, and they're all carrying different tickets. Some people have yellow tickets, some people have purple tickets, and they put the ticket in the claw machine. They play for a few seconds, the clock comes down. grabs capsules out of the claw machine, and drops them, pop them open, there's something cool inside.

Brandon: Tracey gets in line. Tally is behind him.

Amanda: Inara’s going to hang out, lurk by the front of the line near the claw machine to see what people's technique is and if there's a difference between the purple and yellow tickets.

Eric: Cool. Inara as you're lurking as you - Lurkin’ Lurkinson

Amanda: Like I do

Eric: As you do. The people who do yellow tickets- they get every different color of capsule. They get red capsules, blue capsules, orange capsules, yellow capsules, and sometimes purple capsules. When you get a purple ticket, you always get a purple capsule.

Amanda: Interesting and I’m just gonna stand there with my arms crossed looking superior.

Michael: Well I'm going to take my wrench out and say

Michael (as Johnny): Excuse me everybody there needs a- there’s a

(Eric laughing)

Amanda: Scheduled maintenance!

Michael (as Johnny): We gotta repair- there's an issue with this machine. Just stand back a bit. I'm going to just recalibrate it just needs a bit of recalibration

Michael: With the wrench I'm going to go to the front then like, “recalibrate” - air quotes - and play the game

Brandon: Uh, everyone scatters I assume?

Eric: Yeah everyone takes like 5 steps back

Michael (as Johnny): And these two are my assistants. I need them to help me out with this.

Amanda: Inara rolls her eyes and walks towards you.

Brandon: Tracey walks up to Johnny and says

Brandon (as Tracey): What are we lookin’ at Johnny, what's going on here?

Michael (as Johnny): We're looking at the classic claw game here Tracey. The kind that we played over that one tavern remember?

Brandon: Tracey looks at his Long Arm of the Law and looks at the claw, looks back at his Long Arm of the Law, looks back at the claw, and does this for a good 30 seconds

Michael (as Johnny): Now I think you know what to do.

Amanda: Wait! Can I cast mage hand into the machine, grab a capsule, and then like float it out of the out part?

Brandon: Tracey's like

Brandon (as Tracey): Have you tried just putting the ticket in?

Brandon: And he puts his ticket in

(laughter)

Amanda: Fair

Eric: You have a purple ticket?

Brandon: No, a yellow ticket

Eric: A yellow ticket, alright roll a d20 please

Amanda: ooooooooh

(dice roll)

Brandon: 11

Eric: Tracey, you do the claw machine and you whir it around a little bit. Push the button to make it come down, and you grab a green capsule. And it's rectangular and

Brandon: Tracey is taking notes about how this claw is working by the way

Eric: No I like that. The card goes up and drops it in the slot you crack it open and inside is rectangular packaging of a toy. And this is called Shock It! Shock It. The best new game for adventuring families! Play with a group of two or more. But watch out! You might get shocked! You play this game like Bop-It-

Amanda: Shock it!... Shock it! All the choices are shock it!

(all laughing)

Eric: It looks a lot like a Bop-it but when you lose -  

Michael: It's just a big taser!

Eric: When you lose you take 3d10 damage

Amanda: Every choice is a loss. Shock it!

Eric: Also, also if you don't know it's coming you are temporarily paralyzed.

(all laughing)

Michael: What do you mean if you dont know it’s coming?! You’re playing Shock-It! You’re gonna get shocked!

Eric: If you don't read the rules and you know that you're going to get shocked

Michael: It’s a giant taser! I know I’m gonna get shocked!

Eric: Yes

Michael (as Johnny): Guys, guys the Undying Light foretold. This is one of the champions’ items

(Laughter)

Brandon: is there a bar at Döove and Böosters?

(all laughing)

Eric: Johnny’s three deep on mudslides

Michael (as Johnny): No, wine buckets

Amanda: It’s plastic with a lid and a crazy straw so you can take it between your games

Eric: Alright would either of you two like to go?

Amanda: I'm going to cast Mage Hand and sneak it into the upper part of the machine and I'm going to try to grab the nearest purple capsule

Eric: Sure, roll a d6

(dice rolling)

Amanda: 3

Eric: (chuckles) All right Inara, you send your mage hand inside and it shifts around, and like pushes red and blue capsules out of the way and grabs the closest purple capsule it can find, and it pulls it out and drops it down the chute. And this is another long, rectangular capsule.

Amanda: I'm going to open it up and see what's inside.

Eric: Nice. And you crack it open. And inside is a deep purple skateboard.

Amanda: (gasping with joy)

Eric: This is the “Grind Machine.” While riding the Grind Machine you can have a 40 feet move speed on level terrain and you go even faster going downhill. You have advantage on charisma checks when you're riding it-

Amanda: obviously, because it’s so cool

Eric: For both performance and persuasion, but when you're going over difficult terrain you have to make a dex check every minute to stay on. This can also skim across less dense surfaces. So if you're going at a fast speed, this can skim on water, clouds...

Amanda: JESUS HOVERBOOOOOARD!

Eric: It’s a skateboard. It has wheels.

Amanda: That hover over water!

Eric: Yes it's true. It's that’s a good point

Amanda: Oh my God. Inara has self actualized this day in the Döove and  Böoster’s

Michael: And you still have another purple ticket.

Amanda: Yep I'm going to put that in and go for something else.

Eric: When you put the purple ticket in, a small hatch at the bottom of the claw machine opens and a kenku wearing a construction hat comes out and starts making an alarm sound at you

Amanda:  I'm going to continue feeding my ticket in and see if it'll go.

Eric: It slaps your hand out of the way, grabs your purple ticket, and eats it.

Amanda: I'm going to put my skateboard under my arm. Say

Amanda (as Inara): Good day madam, or sir, or them

Amanda: And walk away.

Eric: Good.

Michael: I’m going to go for the yellow first, if I may.

Eric: Sure. Roll the d20

(dice rolling)

Michael: That is a five! solid.

Eric: Okay, you do the claw machine and it drops down and you get a red capsule. This one is smaller than the one that Tracey and Inara got. And it’s a little bit circular ,like oval pill shaped. It drops down and inside is a tiny green ukulele. You can do a performance check and Charm Person. If you sing on the microphone, I will lower the DC and I will give you extra points if it's an acoustic cover of a hip hop song.

Amanda: Yessssss!

Michael: Acoustic of a hip hop song?

Eric: Yeah.

Michael: (sighs) Okay. And I'll go for a purple next.

Brandon (as Tracey): (excitedly) Hey Johnny, wanna play a game? I got a new one! It’s called SHOCK IT!

(all laughing)

Michael: I’m gonna ignore that because that sounds scary

Brandon (as Tracey): Wanna PLAY?!

Brandon: Tracey is visibly shaking.

Michael: I’m going to insert the purple ticket

Eric: Sure go ahead

(dice rolling)

Michael: 5.

Eric:  Alright. This capsule is much smaller that comes out. It’s a very small purple capsule. one  that can fit in your pocket. And you pop it open and there are Wayfarer sunglasses with dad croakies connecting them. And these are the Arcane Shades. These are sunglasses on the ends of dad croakies and you can cast the spell Arcane Eye once per day.

Amanda: Oh my God.

Eric: Arcane Eye basically gives you an eye in the sky. It lets you look up to 30 feet in any direction which is invisible to everyone except for the person using it. Also the croakies keep it on your head.

Michael: Of course. And I can also just wear it just to wear it without activating the spell?

Eric: Yeah

Michael (as Johnny): I keep both capsules by the way.

Eric: Yeah

Michael: I want to keep the capsules like the slick oilskin bag

Amanda: Are you gonna store them in your slick oilskin bag?

Michael: What a wonderful idea Amanda

Amanda: Cha-welcome

Michael: I put the capsules into my slick oilskin bag inside my regular bag. I put on the sunglasses, hold the ukulele, and turn around to my companions

(Amanda laughing)

Eric: Ev walks up to Tracey and says

Eric (as Evan): Oh Tracey what’d you get, man?

Brandon (as Tracey):  Hey! Hey Ev you wanna play a game? Hey Ev! Hey I got a new game! Wanna play a game?!

Eric (as Evan): Sure

Eric: You hit the center button and it goes

Eric (as Shock-it): Shock-it! Let’s start! Duh nah nah nah doo doo! Bop it! Pull it! Pass it! Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh (singing Bop-it song)

Eric: Make a dexterity roll

Amanda: I’m so nervous

(dice rolling)

Brandon: 18

Eric: Okay you and Ev start passing the Shock-it around and he says

Eric (as Evan): Wait- how do you- I don't understand how to play this game I guess you just pull after it says

Eric (as Shock-it): Pull it!

Eric: And he doesn’t remember to do it and he gets shocked for

(dice rolling three times)

Amanda:  It's too many roll sounds.

Michael: Is he bloodied?

Amanda: You said up to three!

Eric: and he gets shocked for 22 damage! (laughing)

Amanda: Jesus!

Michael: Oh my god!

Brandon: I wouldn’t have played if it was that! My bad!

Eric: and he gets knocked out his ass and is paralyzed. Rep. Shields walks up and says

Eric (as Rep. Shields): Before you play Shock-it you you've got to make sure to read the instructions.

Brandon: Tracey reaches his hand down evan to try to pull him standing up again. And says

Brandon (as Tracey): You wanna play laser tag now?!

(pause)

Brandon (as Tracey): air hockey??

Eric: and Evan goes

Eric (as Evan): Yeah laser tag!

Eric: and you play laser tag for the rest of the day

Amanda: Star swipe!

Eric: Star swipe!

(arcade noises)

Eric: At the end of the day, you're all tired and you have all your newfound winnings with you. And Alonzo says

Eric (as Alonzo): Representative Shields, I hope we've done everything that we needed to do here. Thank you for letting us into your city and we appreciate everything you've done for us. If you need anything, just call Alonzo and the jailbirds

Michael: I actually don't hate that

Amanda: eeeeeeh it’s alright, it’s alright

Eric: Then the representative shakes his hand and leads you back up the elevator to take you to the upper floor.

Michael: Or is it the slide that actually takes you up?

Eric: Yeah okay. You guys walk up stairs and it's like you have your own personal escalator go up the slide!  And that is the end of the Pool Party arc.

(all laughing)

(pause)

Eric: On the banks of the ruins of Antipolis, Jamie stands sword up, waiting to be spirited away. At this point he lowers his arm looks around and sees all of you are gone. Evan, even Captain Alex finally left the wreck. You are back in the city of Antipolis and he looks around and then up in the sky and says.

Eric (as Jamie): what was I here for? what was the point of all of this? I thought I was supposed to take out the Blackfish. I thought it was supposed to take out the Bone Whale. What am I even here for?

Eric: as he holds his arms out, he sees the arm that’s not holding the sword start to waver and dust out of existence. And slowly as it moves out of his arm, it disappears. And then his legs. And then his torso. And up his head. And the sword disappears into the night sky.

(Theme Music)

Eric: Join the Party is brought to you by Brandon Grugle, Amanda McLoughlin, Michael Fische, and me, Eric Silver. I’m your host and game master; Brandon edits, mixes, and scores the show; Amanda manages our community and our digital life; and Michael archives, manual-checks, and cartographs our world. Special thanks to our creative consultants Connor McLoughlin, Julia Schifini and Heddy Hunt.

Michael: The party doesn’t stop here! The day after every episode comes out we publish the Afterparty, where we sit down to discuss what just happened and learn what could have happened. Send us your questions anytime.

Brandon: Join our community online by following @jointhepartypod on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We’ve also got every episode up on our website, jointhepartypod.com; and you can email us questions or stories anytime at hello@jointhepartypod.com.

Amanda: If you’re enjoying this ride as much as we are, help the show out by subscribing to us in iTunes and leaving a quick rating. For even more Join the Party goodness, check out our Patreon. Just a few dollars will get you access to drawings, character backstories, bloopers, and so much more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.

Eric: We’ll see you in two weeks. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here